Chapter Text
“I knew it, I knew it!” Misa cheered to Light from underneath one of the looming courtyard trees during lunchtime. “I figured ‘If he doesn’t actually like me, he’s got to be g—‘“
Light clamped a hand over her mouth, the gloss on her lips leaving a sticky imprint on his palm as he pointedly hushed the girl. “Whatever floats your boat, Misa,” he said as calmly as he could. “You seriously didn’t tell anyone else about it? Just your sister?”
“Pretty much.” She shrugged. “No offense, Light, but I’m pretty sure half the people that know of you already suspect you swing that way. It was just a matter of time…”
Even he himself didn’t grasp such a possibility until recently, or at least he hadn’t stopped the denial until then. In hindsight, the jealousy over Raye made sense, his misunderstanding of it for homophobia made sense, and why he always liked being the subject of L’s attention and proven to be the most helpful classmate for his functioning.
While his feelings for L answered a lot of questions, something else stirred under the surface between them, an underlying reason why they got along so well at this age that he hadn’t yet distinguished. He figured it just came from a place of understanding from their teachers, how he’d been extra helpful with L and the leniency on his own work was a form of reward for that. Deep within himself, he viewed accommodations as favors that came at a cost.
A sort of imposter syndrome started to rise internally. Helping L was easy, easier than helping himself sometimes. Light was the one that needed a slower, step by step pacing half the time. It caused a certain guilt in him, feeling as though he didn’t deserve this kind of support from the staff when he was the one being more of a problem than L ever could be.
So while Misa’s convenient trap-shut came as a relief, the utter sense of… wrongness from operating alongside L still lingered. His best friend was a guilty pleasure to be around: an excuse he didn’t deserve. While all of his academic achievements begged otherwise, a part of him considered deep down that he could just be… dumb.
“Misa only told her sister apparently. I haven’t heard anything from any of our classmates either, so she might actually be telling the truth,” Light told L when he later made it to Lautner’s classroom for lunchtime. “Has anyone said anything to you?”
“No, she wants to be my friend now though.” L took Light’s arm, extending it to roll his fidget from shoulder to finger.
“Who? Misa?”
L nodded.
“Of course she does.” Light huffed. “Have you guys ever even talked before?”
Again, L nodded. “She’s talked to me in our classes but I don’t usually listen. I let her have the conversation with herself most times. That’s probably why I’ve gained her favor, our interactions are just a feedback loop in her eyes…” Funnily enough, L would do the same thing to Light, if only because the latter has a habit of needing to think aloud. It helps to verbalize his own logic, critiquing along the way or with the help of his friend who quickly notices any inconsistencies. “I don’t mind her. She’s nice and she does real skateboarding after school.”
“Oh. That’s cool, I guess…”
“Are you coming to my concert tonight? I have a solo.” L looked at him expectantly, all wide pupils and soft hair that tickled the back of Light’s hand, sandwiched between his friend’s bent knee and resting cheek. “I wrote it myself.”
“Yeah I already told my mom and Sayu— Wait, you wrote it yourself? No way, can I see?” Light asked, scooting closer. “I know I won’t understand, but still… that’s so cool.”
After taking out a blue violin folder from his school bag, L opened it to share between the two of them, huddling up to Light’s side with the latter’s arm slung around his shoulders. ‘Moonlight’ the title at the top displayed, and underneath: ‘by L Lawliet’.
“This is where one section plays, and then another here, and then altogether. And here… this part is my solo.” He pointed to a highlighted section, filling almost the entire next page.
“So you wrote for the entire orchestra? Like even other instruments?”
“Correct.”
“L, that’s amazing! I knew you were already way ahead of the rest of us in middle school, but this is some next level stuff…” Light sifted through the pages, eyeing at other concert pieces tucked away too. “What are you gonna wear for the concert?”
“I have an off white long sleeved polo that’s soft enough, and a pair of black slacks.”
He imagined the sight of his friend in such attire with a pleased smile. With long fingers, he tucked back the loose strands of L’s dark hair before holding the latter’s shoulder again. “I think that’d look pretty handsome on you,” he said, leaned in close.
“We’ll see.” L twirled his skateboard between his fingers, the skin of his ear wearing a sweet raspberry tinge. “I think you’re always handsome.” He looked over at Light from the corner of his eye, locking their gaze, though it quickly broke to glance all around his face. “I like looking at you the most.”
He’s so one-upping me right now, Light thought. Though all he could do was sputter a “R-Really?”
“Your eyes are my favorite color.”
“I-I thought blue was your favorite color. Since second grade, that’s what you told me.” Light’s brows furrowed in confusion at the inconsistency.
L chuckled, airy and small, the way he used to when they did something mischievous together as children, unbeknownst to their guardians. He wore a boyish smile with a gleam in his eyes, just like he did before from Light’s brief cheek kiss. Shutting his sheet music folder, he held it close to his chest. “I was keeping a secret.”
Later that evening, Light thought about his friend’s comment. What else did L have to keep secret while he liked Light? What other things does Light have yet to know?
All that was ever on his mind those days was L. No matter what his eyes landed on, the sight before him would somehow link back to his friend in some way. Reflective silver was everywhere, and it reminded him of L’s several piercings on both of his ears. Watari says he can get the lip piercing he’s always wanted when he turns 18 next week.
Light zoned out to his nail clippers sitting soundly on his bathroom counter, and he brushed his lip, wondering what L’s stud would feel like against the soft skin there.
Knock knock
“Light! You ready?”
“Wha— Uh, yeah I’m coming!”
Once they arrived, he entered the dimly lit auditorium with his mother and Sayu. Watari saved seats for the three of them in a decent spot closer to the front, and apparently L knows where to look out for them since sending a text.
The orchestra class came out on stage finally, in a flurry of white and black attire. Light glanced everywhere, searching for L, though it wasn’t until doing a double take he found him toward center stage.
He was… handsome. Enough to punch the breath out of Light for a moment, he could hardly take his eyes off of L. His friend’s shaggy hair was slicked back, though some stubborn strands of his bangs still hung and framed his soft face. He wore the same thing he’d told Light before, though the sight still came as a soft shock. After their years apart, he found that he was encountering new firsts with L again. Until that moment, he didn’t know what formal clothes looked like on L’s teenage frame. Even at their middle school orchestra concert, L wore a plain long sleeved shirt.
Every instance of L proving to be… simply older now planted a seed that rapidly bloomed in Light’s gut, much to his dismay. He watched this boy grow up alongside himself. He taught Light how to catch bugs and lizards in their old neighborhood. Light mimicked his parents and kissed L’s cheek before bedtime, playing with his soft choppy hair until dozing off. L has probably saved them from being abducted from creeps at least twice as children. He once let Light piggyback ride him all the way back home from the bus stop because he was stifling tears from a blister on his heel that hurt to walk with.
“This song is called Moonlight, and I wrote it for my best friend, Light Yagami.” Light watched L speak into the microphone until his eyes finally found him in the crowd. Though he didn’t smile, neither did Light, whose mouth hung agape at the reveal that even the song was for him.
It was his favorite out of the entire concert. Perfect, Light unashamedly remembers. Although he’s not keen on the loudness of concerts, he listened to every note as his eyes began to dangerously well up, blurry vision clearing with each watery blink as he sat in awe. He leaned back in his seat, covering his mouth with a wet hand to subtly swipe his cheeks, but it was no use. Eventually, he felt his mother’s arms slung around him, her hand rubbing his shoulder for comfort.
The sight of L playing the violin was as beautiful as its sound. He was beautiful. There was hardly any other way to describe it, even despite Light usually having a way of articulating himself. In his head, there was only a spotlight on his friend, he was the only person that mattered on stage as everyone else blended into the background. Desperately he wanted to be closer, to see the lashes of L’s lids flutter as his eyes skimmed the sheet music, to watch each nimble finger dance along the neck of his violin, to watch his pink lips purse in that attractive studious expression. No one else looked quite as enticing in this element that L was born to thrive in.
Yet with all those planted seeds in the soil also came the bones buried underneath: guilt still dwelled in the depth of his stomach, hearing himself be addressed by L as best friend again after everything he’d done. He wondered how many more kisses it would take to make up for being so stupid, and all kinds of secret places to sneak them came to mind.
Namely, the practice room he met L in after the concert.
“I liked the song,” Light told L as the latter packed his instrument away. It was only them left in the room, as everyone else had since gathered their belongings before exiting to meet their loved ones outside.
“Good,” L said as he unzipped his bag, taking out something slim and square to hold to Light. “I made this for you, in case you’d want to listen again.”
It was a CD. Light took it slowly with both hands, as if L would snatch it away at the last second and say “Sike!”; he could hardly believe a gesture like this would be done for him.
“Thank you,” Light held it to his chest for a moment and glanced about the room.
He didn’t know if L could tell when he was going to be kissed. From Light’s perspective, it felt so obvious since his heart beat erratically in his ears and his hands would tremble until they landed on his friend’s shoulders. Regardless, a surprised huff still tickled their lips when Light flew forward for one. It was slow that time, he felt like they almost got the hang of it then, especially after L pressed back with as much vigor and sent Light’s stomach into tiny backflips.
“You’re really…” —the best, everything I could honestly ask for, better than I’d imagine, perf— “sweet.”
“I like being sweet for you.”
Fortunately, the moment was interrupted. Without such, Light would’ve been left stammering for forever, but the classroom door swung open and in entered the orchestra teacher and another student returning for a forgotten item at their seat.