Chapter Text
The next weeks passed in a blur. Police interviews, reporters with flashing cameras and recurring nightmares filled Mingi’s days. Yunho’s parents paid a hefty bail, their son now under house arrest for the duration of the investigation and trial. His contacts were strictly limited to his parents and lawyers. Not even a letter from one of them could pass his doorsteps. Once again, loneliness painted Mingi’s days grey despite the sunshine and green grass that sprouted around campus.
He only got to see Yunho during the trial. His appearance was as immaculate as ever. Perfectly pressed starch white dress-shirt, a simple black jacket and expensive trousers. Often his lawyers pointed to his face, indicating he should smile a little more but Yunho only scoffed at them as his stoic mask remained. Until the bitter end, no emotion slipped across his face. Only a hint of softness in his voice when he spoke about their group. Steel flashed behind his eyes when he explained the murder, the hunger for revenge. The prosecution scrutinized their relationship, asking multiple intimate questions. Yunho didn’t bat an eyelash as he answered them. Mingi feared Yunho’s cold detached personality didn’t do him any favors in the ruling. That and the fact he wouldn’t reveal the location of the body. Capital punishment got dismissed after a few rough weeks but they knew Yunho would never see the outside of a jail cell again.
Guilt churned in Mingi’s stomach, infecting his veins as he witnessed Yunho on the stand. He took their shared crime and made it his own. Part of Mingi would have expected that he revealed the entire truth but his loyalty to the group remained. Yunho had always been their secret leader, the person who glued them together. Mingi feared when Yunho fell they would fall as well but his confession steered them into safety. Still, Mingi couldn’t help but see his decision as a punishment in itself. Seonghwa was gone, living in a big city with his brother. A soft spirit like he belonged to nature not an urban jungle, at least, he wasn’t alone.
Wooyoung turned to drugs until it almost cost his life. The overdose and psychotic break afterwards broke the remaining attachment they had to each other. Most days he didn’t even remember their names, perhaps for the best. Mingi’s own exile contained studying deep into the night, Friday pizza nights with Mina and loneliness. Without Yunho nothing of his freedom remained. Without his friends he was back to square one. Lonely, frustrated, exhausted and overworked.
Yunho didn’t meet his gaze once as if he didn’t even exist. His letters returned unopened. Mingi lost Yunho for his freedom. Some days, he wondered whether he should confess everything and join him in prison but he doubted Yunho would talk to him then. No matter which avenue he explored it always ended without Yunho. A new harsh reality he had to come to terms with. However, Mingi didn’t expect Yunho’s sacrifice to lead him back to San.
During a break in the court session and another failed attempt to gain Yunho’s attention, Mingi snuck outside to smoke. Even without Wooyooung, he continued the horrible habit but he dearly missed his friend’s weird theories. As the blue-grey clouds surrounded him, the door of the back exit opened and revealed San in all his beauty. He had recently changed his last name to Ariadne’s maiden name to avoid further association with his father. A good move for his career as he earned a role in a broadway show. Even in his simple black suit he looked overdressed for a trial. San belonged in movies not in the cold gray of reality. He stiffened when he noticed Mingi’s presence. Their eyes challenged each other for a moment but Mingi was too tired to fight with him. At this point, he wanted to just forgive and forget. He offered a cigarette to San which he accepted with pursed lips. The flame danced in his bright eyes as he lit the cigarette. Surrounded by the smoke, he looked like a character in a black and white noir movie. He almost smiled at the thought. They shared the cigarette in silence, no animosity but no peacefulness either. Once San was done, he turned to walk back inside. For a moment, he stopped at the door as if he wanted to turn around and say something, but he left after a few pregnant seconds. Over the next few weeks, they continued smoking during the breaks, never talking but enjoying each other’s presence.
_____
The past months had changed them drastically. They both looked older, talked less and worked harder. San practiced for his show every day and auditioned for other roles while Mingi finished his bachelor’s degree and prepared for his masters. After the trial, it somehow happened that they met up much to Mina’s chagrin.
“You’re seriously letting her back into your life after everything?” She asked during one of our weekly pizza nights.
Mingi stopped chewing and contemplated her question for a moment. Reconnecting with San was a precarious decision and it had caused friction between Mina and him multiple times. He doubted she was jealous as she had fallen in love with a boy from her friend group recently. They made a cute couple. Jongo had soft brown hair, wore oversized clothes that hid his body and greeted Mina with an affectionate peck on the cheek. He was a good match, softer and sweeter than San could ever be. Exactly what Mina needed who was just a soft puppy at heart. Mingi had always been more fond of San’s edges.
“He changed,” Mingi offered, a lame explanation but true. Parts of his old-self revealed themselves in small bursts whenever he had the urge to protect Mingi. Other parts like the ignorance and coldness had vanished, replaced by empathy and almost endearing glances. Mingi’s heart didn’t flutter as it used to, still pining after the love lost to their cruel crime. Still, he absorbed San’s attention, affection and love like a black hole, never satisfied, always craving more and he offered himself without restraint.
“But his comments-“
“Trust me, Mina, he changed for the better and I’m sick of the past. I view it as a new start.”
“I don’t want your heart to be broken again.”
“Don’t worry too much.”
“I’ll always worry about you,” she mumbled against the can of coke pressed against her lips.
_____
Life without the possibility of parole. Yunho listened to his sentencing without batting an eyelash. Due to his tight-lipped cooperation any chance for parole was off the table. Capital punishment had been dismissed though. Mingi liked to think Yunho would have preferred it to life in jail. An eye for an eye. The location of the remains of Mr. Choi were still unknown. Yunho had only provided the skull to show that he did actually kill him but never revealed the placement of the body.
The day of his sentencing, Mingi hoped he would meet his gaze at least once, but Yunho’s eyes stared straight ahead. He didn’t look back as they led him out of the courtroom. It was the last time Mingi ever saw him. He still sees the sharp edge of his haircut, the crisp white of his dress-shirt that he would never wear again. Mingi’s tears mourned Yunho’s freedom, his sacrifice for them. Neither Seonghwa nor Wooyoung were around for Yunho’s last moments of freedom. Mingi was the last to leave the courtroom, face wet with tears.
Outside the press had luckily moved on, eager to chase after Yunho or force a statement out of Ariadne. Still, he left through the back exit where San leaned against the wall with a cigarette pressed between his lips. His eyes cut to Mingi, sharp and analytical. Nothing indicated he had cried out of relief now that his father’s supposed murderer was behind bars. San looked rather disinterested in everything, as usual. Without thinking twice, he offered Mingi his cigarette. Mingi took a deep drag of the cancerous stick, puffing out smoke through his nose. They stared at each other for a long moment as the noise of the city enveloped them. He yearned to be back in Fox Hill, back to the quiet expanse of nature.
“Let’s go,” San said. Back in high school, he could read Mingi’s every thought. An almost psychic connection that Betty liked to blame on their twin scars. When they’re alone, Mingi’s fingertips traced the rough edges of San’s scar. He always closed his eyes and leaned into the touch.
Everything Mingi ever yearned for with San was finally ripe for the taking, right in his hands but he didn’t want it anymore. The press of San’s lips against his left a sour taste in his mouth as his thoughts turned to Yunho. San would always be his first love, the person he would return to no matter how often he hurt me but Yunho had etched himself deeply into Mingi’s soul. He longed for his furrowed brows as he listened to Wooyoung’s theories or the way he frantically scribbled into his notebook. Mingi’s memories of him are all that remains. Everything else was taken from him during the investigation. Every interaction between Yunho and him torn apart. His journals burned and gone for their own safety. Except for Mingi’s memories, no strings kept him attached to Yunho. Maybe that’s why he had returned to San, to something familiar and safe.
Mingi had never seen himself on a red carpet. He preferred his books and dusty libraries, but San, as he often did, had changed his world. He insisted on Mingi’s attendance to the premiere of his latest movie. At that point, their relationship had been rekindled for a few weeks. How awkward he must’ve looked next to him. San didn’t seem to mind, quite the opposite. He posed next to Mingi with a beautiful smile and tugged him along, never letting go off his arm. To the press, Mingi was known as the best friend, a friendship that defied all the odds and persisted through a murder trial. What a wonderful story for the tabloids. To them, they were friends who reconnected during the oddest circumstances. San’s manager loved the story and wanted it printed on all available magazine covers. After their attendance on the red carpet the tale of their friendship joined the latest celebrity gossip and the requests for interviews rained down on them. Mingi refused right away, not inclined to talk to the press much to the manager’s chagrin, but San accepted his decision without questioning him. This new dynamic in their relationship still surprised Mingi.
Rumors began to spread when San bought a new house and Mingi moved in with him. His manager ensured the rumors died right away as she leaked photos of San with his co-star on a supposed date. San did sleep with that particular colleague and Mingi didn’t mind. He was beyond jealousy, knowing how destructive it could be. Still, he felt a sense of pride when San would return home, walk into his room and pull him into a heated kiss. Sometimes Mingi couldn’t help but grin at San’s almost angry passion after another unsatisfactory one night stand. This time around, he always came crawling back to Mingi and the sheer fact almost made him drunk with power. But Mingi never held it over San’s head, careful with their current dynamics.
Two weeks after the reveal of his work affair, San moved into Mingi’s bedroom.
_____
“Did you kill him?” San would ask on dark bitter nights. His poisonous lips pressed against Mingi’s neck, their naked legs intertwined underneath the rumpled sheets. The sheen of sweat wasn’t caused by his question. Lying came second nature, most times San didn’t believe him, but he didn’t turn away either. Quite the opposite, he attached himself even more.
“No,” Mingi would always answer, meeting his eyes without flinching. Moments of silence would pass where San studied his expression, every muscle twitch a sign of guilt.
Sometimes San would simply turn away and go to sleep but most times, he kissed Mingi as if to absorb the lie and burn it into his mind. Mingi’s hands would always hold him, indulge in his desire as their bodies moved against each other without a care in the world.
Mingi didn’t think of Yunho in such moments. He didn’t allow himself to think about him. It was easier to forget his existence, to forget the friendship and maenadic rituals. Mingi’s studies still focused on Greek religion but avoided the Dionysian cult.
Past Mingi would have fought for an ending like this. With San in his arms, sharing the same bed and planning to buy a house together. A picture perfect future ahead if not for the stain of blood on his hands or the dirty laundry they ignored in favor of enjoyment. Perhaps fate had always planned to bring San and him together, no matter how unorthodox the circumstances.
Still, on clear starry nights, Mingi longed for the companionship of Wooyoung, Seonghwa and Yunho. The urge to dance until his feet bled almost tore him to shreds in those moments. San’s warm body tugged close to his anchored him in reality. A reality where he didn’t talk to his friends anymore but his first love laid in his arms. A cruel punishment to lose freedom and true companionship for a false sense of love.
Yunho only sent Mingi one letter from prison. It was the tenth year anniversary of that fateful new years night. The postman offered him a worried smile when he handed the envelope, the address of the prison visible to everyone’s eyes. For the first time in years, Mingi’s heart palpitated erratically at the sight of Yunho’s cursive handwriting. His trembling hands almost ripped the letter apart, eager to view its insides. To his great disappointment, only a few words graced the paper. Still, it was a testament to Yunho’s never changing character to keep things short.
Lead me, escorts, where I may take my pitiful sisters as companions to my exile. May I go where accursed Kithairon may not see me, nor I see Kithairon with my eyes, nor where a memorial of a thyrsus has been dedicated; let these concern other Bacchae.
Mingi burned the note shortly after reading, not wanting for San to see any form of contact with their old life. Still, the words echoed in his head like a horrible mantra. His three companions resided in exile, enduring their punishment for their crime while he lived the life he had always wanted. Mingi shared a home with his first love and slept next to him at night. Yet, he wasn’t satisfied.