Chapter Text
T’han knew Vulkan had taken Kai to the forge. He had seen the uncertainty in the boy’s eyes and wondered whether it had been the right decision to bring him there. Yet after only a few days, a noticeable change could be seen. Kai stood a little taller whenever they met. He no longer seemed as though a mere gust of wind could knock him down and, although he was still far too thin, had adopted a more confident aura. T’han was amazed at what the Primarch’s presence was doing to the Conveniens, as the bond was supposed to strengthen Vulkan, not the other way around.
Fighting with a broken shield renders its purpose irrelevant.
T’han immediately banished these thoughts from his mind. Kai was not a tool to be used at will. He was human, though—and it was difficult for T’han to admit this—not entirely so. Not really. Without all the blood, the bandages, and the uncertainty, in those fleeting moments where glimpses of what he could have been—and what he would one day become—shone through, it became clear that Kai had indeed been made to stand his ground against a Primarch and to bond with them.
Sometimes T’han wished he could have met this version of Kai from the very beginning, without the shadows of his past. But that was unfair. The Salamanders should accept him as he was because Vulkan did so without hesitation. T’han was more than ready to do the same. These thoughts came to him now, unbidden, as he sweated in the gymnasia and broke through his training routine. Perhaps he should face the solitude of the Solitorium or inform his Brander-Priest. T’han set aside the finely crafted chainsword he had been practicing with and wiped the sweat from his brow. He would do neither. He would meet Kai.
Kai looked up. Instinctively, he tensed until he recognized the person who had opened the door to his chamber. T’han entered, his muscular form clad in green robes. The hood had been pushed back, allowing Kai to see his warm smile. The visit was unexpected but not unwelcome.
"T’han." Kai set aside the wire he had been working with and stood up, unable to hide his joy. "I see you’ve been busy," T’han said. There was no mockery in his voice, only curiosity. Kai shrugged.
"I don’t know… somehow, I can’t focus on reading anymore. My hands always need to be moving." He feigned interest in T’han’s left ear, who only chuckled softly. "Believe me, I know the feeling." The Salamander closed the door behind him and sat down on the floor. Kai had no use for tools or furniture designed for Astartes.
"That’s because you’re finally starting to realize what you could be capable of." Kai sat cross-legged across from him. As always, he wore green, though this time it was a plain olive shade.
"It’s good… to be able to do something." His eyes met T’han’s.
"I mean, on my own. Without help." T’han nodded.
"I have no doubt that you’ll master the art of forging soon enough." Kai raised his eyebrows.
"Let’s stay realistic." It was just a small comment, a tiny one that was out of line. And yet, Kai winced internally at his own words. T’han’s expression turned serious.
"You should show yourself more. Spending time with others will do you good." Kai looked down at his hands and nodded slowly.
"Yes, I should."
His eyes were half-closed as he leaned against Vulkan’s side. The Primarch had found a rare moment of rest to teach Kai more forging techniques and now sat beside him on the sofa. A heavy arm draped over Kai’s shoulders, and he closed his eyes fully. He had never truly wanted to admit how much he appreciated these quiet moments. They were a welcome distraction from his increasingly loud days. Slowly, Vulkan straightened, and his hand disappeared from Kai's shoulder.
Kai immediately stood and took a few steps back. These reactions, he feared, might never completely leave him. "I’ll need to prepare for my meeting with my brother." Vulkan gave Kai a reassuring smile. "You’ll like his Conveniens." Vulkan had told him the name of Sanguinius’s Conveniens. Gold had been found several years ago—a great fortune, as Vulkan had explained to Kai. Kai knew nothing about how she had been found, but it must have been similar to his own experience.
He nodded. Vulkan gave his shoulder a parting squeeze and disappeared through one of the doors. For a moment, Kai stood there, unsure of what to do, until he decided to apologize to the Chapter Serf he had sent away harshly weeks ago. He didn’t know the man’s name, but he remembered his face. His stay on the Flamewrought afforded him a level of freedom he had rarely experienced. He was confident he could find the man; after all, he just needed to ask the other Serfs.
Kai swallowed. Both Numeon and T’han had told him that social interaction would do him good. Now was the time to test that. Cautiously, he approached one of the figures in green robes standing at a control panel. The robes bore the same insignia as those of the man he sought. Taking a deep breath, Kai forced himself to speak. "Excuse me."
The figure turned, and a relatively young, feminine face emerged from beneath the robe’s hood. Recognition flickered across her features, and Kai immediately wondered where it came from. "My Lord. How may I assist you?" Kai inwardly flinched at the use of the title and lowered his head. He could do this. It was simple enough.
As politely as possible, he explained his concern to the woman, unsuccessfully trying to keep the blush from his face. She nodded occasionally until her eyes lit up. "Ah, you might mean Berek." She laughed briefly. "Don’t worry, I’m sure he doesn’t hold a grudge against you." Her words didn’t reassure Kai, but he nodded. "I can take you to him if you’d like."
Without wasting any time, the woman rushed out of the room. Her energy unsettled Kai, who hurried after her as quickly as he could. The part of the ship she led him to was quieter than the rest, and it didn’t always calm Kai to avoid the gazes of passing Astartes or other Serfs. A quiet voice in his head told him he didn’t need to do that, but old habits proved difficult to shake. The woman stopped in front of a plain door and knocked a few times. "He might not be here right now," she informed Kai. "But you’re welcome to wait." She laughed again. The remark was probably meant as a joke. Kai decided to do just that. He would wait.
"What’s your name?" he asked before the woman could turn to leave. "Kamela." She smiled broadly, showing pearly white teeth. Her skin was almost as dark as Kai’s, and a pale scar stretched across her partially exposed collarbone.
"Kai." Her laughter once again seemed to lighten the atmosphere in the corridor.
"I know."
Berek returned only a few hours later. He carried a heavy-looking machine wired to a servitor that stood blankly beside him. His face briefly twisted when he saw Kai—not out of anger, but surprise. Kai stood and brushed off his pants. "Lord Kai, what brings you here? Do you need something?" Kai shook his head, his mouth drier than ever before.
"I wanted to apologize." His voice sounded hoarse. Considering the burning sensation in his face, it was probably best to get it over with quickly, or he might break down in tears where he stood. Berek raised his eyebrows, visibly uncertain.
"Apologize?" he sounded puzzled, shifting the weight of the machine he was carrying. Faster—Kai needed to be faster.
"Yes..." His voice trailed off, and he had to clear his throat. "I snapped at you quite harshly. I didn’t mean to be... rude." The design of his sleeves was suddenly extremely interesting now that he thought about it. To his surprise, Berek chuckled softly.
"Is that why you’re waiting for me?" He must have seen the confusion on Kai’s face, as his smile widened. "Kamela told me you were here, but I thought you’d already left." Once again, he adjusted his grip on the machine. Kai stepped aside to let him through the door, but Berek made no move to enter.
His expression softened as he turned his gaze back to Kai. "I’m not angry with you. All you did was save me some effort." A brief pause followed. "But you are cleaning the place, right?" Kai nodded quickly. He had done everything to keep the room that had been so generously provided to him as clean as possible. The servitor muttered something unintelligible.
"Should I help you with that?" Kai gestured toward the machine. He didn’t know why he had asked. It didn’t matter, really. Berek raised an eyebrow. "You know how to handle this?"
"No. But I can surely do something to help, right?" Berek shrugged. "Give me a hand." Kai immediately grabbed one end of the machine, and Berek’s face relaxed almost imperceptibly. As they placed the device on a low table, the man kept throwing brief glances at Kai.
"Is it even appropriate for you to be here?" Kai flinched. Was this forbidden? "I... don’t know what you mean." Berek folded his arms. "You’re a Conveniens, aren’t you? You could even interact with the nobility." Kai looked at him, not understanding the implication behind the statement.
"So what?" Internally, he groaned. He should guard his newly sharpened tongue. Careless remarks always led to trouble.
Uncomfortable silence settled between them. "I mean... talking to the nobility aboard the ship wouldn’t help anyone, would it?" Berek’s expression softened. "It would. If you find the right people.” He laughed nervously. "I think it’s about time I apologized. I assumed you were that sort of person because you sent me away." Unsure of what "that sort of person" meant, Kai shrugged.
"That’s why I came here. To apologize." Berek clapped his hands together. "So, you want to help, huh? Then I have just the thing for you."
Vulkan frowned as he examined Kai’s hands resting in his own. A deep, bandaged cut ran across one of his forearms, the result of his work with Berek. "I’ve heard you’ve been spending more time with the Chapter Serfs." Kai lowered his head, his increasingly long hair falling into his face. "Is that a bad thing?" Please—he couldn’t have disappointed Vulkan.
"No. You should surround yourself with all kinds of people who participate in our crusade. It is important to know who you protect." Vulkan was dressed in ceremonial armour adorned with gemstones and minerals. Kai didn’t even know the names of half of them, only that the Primarch looked even more impressive than usual in it. His gauntleted hands briefly clasped Kai’s smaller one’s. The calluses he had once seen as another symbol of oppression and forced labour during his captivity were now the result of honest, hard work.
He himself was dressed in simple yet elegant clothing that T’han had handed him that morning. Kai knew that some of his brothers jokingly referred to the Salamander as a babysitter. He didn’t mind; he only hoped T’han was okay with it. Internally, Kai rolled his eyes. Of course, T’han was.
Kai had been startled when T’han showed him the designs for the other garments, feeling both relieved and grateful that he didn’t have to wear the pompous attire that had been presented to him. Refusing would have been considered impolite.
"Your heartbeat is increasing." Kai looked up into Vulkan’s red-glowing—no, burning—eyes.
"I’m fine."
"You’d say that even if your insides were lying on the floor in front of you, wouldn’t you?" Kai opened his mouth to protest, but Vulkan shook his head. "There’s no reason to be afraid. You don’t have to say a word." Swallowing, Kai nodded.
"Is he… like you?" Vulkan tilted his head slightly and released Kai’s hands, placing his own on Kai’s shoulders instead. They were heavy and carried the ever-present potential to crush him into a bloody pulp if Vulkan pressed just a little harder. Yet Kai felt safer.
"We share many values. It’s best if you form your own impression." His deep voice was so confident that Kai could only nod. Vulkan let him go, not without nodding reassuringly once more.
Kai followed him out of the room, even though every fiber of his being resisted. Fear—likely unfounded—spread through him. Deep breaths. There was hardly anything he could do wrong. Except being disrespectful. Or embarrassing himself. Or, even worse, embarrassing Vulkan. Trusting him was easy, as Kai felt drawn to him as if by an invisible thread. It was similar with the Salamanders, though not with Chapter Serfs or other humans.
That’s why he stayed as close as possible to Artellus Numeon’s side, who positioned himself with his Pyre Guard at Vulkan’s side. The Captain nodded at him and briefly squeezed Kai’s shoulder. Kai was certain that every Astartes in the room could hear his thunderous heartbeat. The small column began to move.
The quiet conversations among the guests and attending Remembrancers fell silent as Sanguinius entered. Kai held his breath without realizing it. He was incredible. Not as tall as Vulkan, more elegant, slimmer, and with an unmistakable regal aura. Both wings were folded behind his back, their flight feathers surely as long as Kai was tall. For the first time, Kai wondered if it was rude to look into the face of a Primarch and attempt—even succeed—in reading his emotions down to the smallest detail. Sanguinius’s joy at seeing his brother was evident, but in the fine lines that traced his face, barely visible, were stress and worry. Kai didn’t want to admit it, neither to himself nor to anyone else. It frightened him to recognize such emotions in these superhuman beings, and at the same time, it gave him comfort.
Vulkan and Sanguinius stepped forward to greet each other. Kai raised his head to get a better look at the person who had been standing behind Sanguinius. Sanguinius’s Conveniens was a slender, small girl, though like Kai, she likely didn’t possess secondary female sexual organs. Her long blonde hair was braided into an intricate plait that hung loosely over her shoulder. Rebellious curls framed her delicate face. Gold—Vulkan had told Kai her name with a voice full of deep respect—radiated almost the same majesty as her Primarch. Her chin was held high, and she regarded the gathered guests with a mix of curiosity and barely visible uncertainty. Kai liked her immediately, even before their gazes met. She had wings too, tucked safely behind her back. The amber hues matched her hair perfectly.
She smiled, showing her teeth. Hesitantly, Kai smiled back, all too aware of the faces watching them. Technically speaking, she was his big sister, wasn’t she? Warmth spread through Kai’s chest. Numeon turned his helmet toward him and nodded slightly.
The two Primarchs had withdrawn with their sons for a tactical meeting. For Kai, it grew harder and harder to forget that they were currently in the midst of a war. Since he didn’t yet possess the tactical expertise to participate in such meetings, he had retreated to his room with Gold. She stood in the middle of it, looking at him.
"How is it that, in the three hours I’ve been on this ship, we haven’t spoken a single word to each other?" Her soft, melodic voice seemed to set the air around her in motion. Kai looked at her. "Neither of us has said a word since we met." Unlike Gold, his voice sounded hoarse and uncertain, despite the false confidence he tried to project. For Gold, it was likely easy to see through him if she possessed the same abilities as he did. She smiled.
"Sadly. But I suppose neither of us will ever be a social butterfly." Unsure how to respond, Kai crossed his arms. Gold sighed. "We Conveniens seem to attract tragic pasts as if by nature. It’s nice… to have someone who could understand me. Who can."
Kai met her gaze. "Yes." Gold laughed her bell-like laughter again. "May I?" she motioned toward Kai’s chair. He nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed.
"You’re not very talkative, are you? As you can see, talk enough for the both of us. Although, it took me a while to find my voice, too. Don’t worry, you’ll find yours."
Kai tilted his head, watching Gold, whose entire body seemed to hum with supressed energy.
"Does it get better?" he finally asked, clutching his arms even tighter. Gold looked at him questioningly, and Kai forced himself to continue. "The feeling of never being good enough." Her expression softened.
"Wow, I mean, we’ve only known each other for three hours." Kai slowly shook his head. They had seen each other before—or at least felt this sense of closeness before. He knew that Gold knew it too. "But yes, it gets better. You’ve begun taking on duties aboard the ship already, haven’t you? The tactical side will come later; you’ll see." Kai nodded, and a small smile formed on his lips.
Sanguinius had departed with Gold after the successful completion of the campaign. Kai had forged his first sword, alone and without help, even though he barely knew how to use it. T’han had seen him smile at Numeon. Smile.
T’han saw less and less of Kai lately, with ever-increasing gaps between their encounters, but it was clear that Kai was finally starting to settle in. Of course, his recovery would still take some time. He flinched when people moved too quickly near him, especially if they were larger than him. On a ship full of Astartes, that was naturally not ideal, but he was treated with patience. Even after three months, he spoke rarely—often only when addressed—and avoided eye contact. Vulkan and Rhy’tan were working together on this, gently but persistently. It was clear how far he had come and the kind of bond he had formed with Vulkan.
He has grown, T’han thought as he wandered through the corridors. Physically, perhaps not. But in every other way.