Chapter Text
Eloise
Truth be told, she had worried when she was eating Cressida out on her back, only to be stopped. She knew there was likely a lot that impacted Cressida still, and it appeared that one of those things was needing to feel in control.
The other fact was that Eloise liked relinquishing it, which meant that as she sipped on her tea, she couldn’t stop thinking about Cressida using her mouth to come.
It appeared they worked rather well together.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Daphne uttered as she sat beside her on the couch.
“I’m not sure you’d want to hear those ones,” Eloise replied, refusing to look at her.
“Gross. You’re thinking about Cressida, aren’t you?”
“Perhaps,” Eloise replied. She tilted her head as she watched Cressida sitting across the room from them, reading to Regan. There was always a slight nervousness to Cressida, and a way that felt like she removed herself a bit from others' space. It was why Eloise was surprised that she was so direct in bed. Then again, Cressida always was confident and cocky up to when they met one another again in adulthood. Now she was more reserved. “Do you think she’s happy? Being in our town now, away from everything.”
“You want the truth?” Daphne asked.
“Yes.” She didn’t want her sister to sugarcoat it.
“From what Cressida tells me, she was incredibly unhappy back there. Her mood was low, she didn’t feel like she had anyone, and all she wanted when she came here was community. El, she has that here, and more. She’s loved by everyone staying in this cabin. Christ, even Regan looks at her like she adores her. She demands that Cressida read to her, and she was asking about her the entire time we took her to the fair. Mother adores her too, especially given she’s one of the few who help her out in the kitchen. She’s always loved Cressida, though. Honestly, when I was a teen, sometimes, I wondered if she loved her more than me.”
“You’re so dramatic,” Eloise replied, but she was smiling. It was true, everyone here adored Cressida and always had.
“And that’s before what you brought to her life. Cressida didn’t date, sure, but it was more than that. Not dating is fine, but Cressida didn’t trust anyone either. She didn’t want anyone in her space, even as a roommate, because she didn’t trust those around her. Given her family, too, I imagine it’s incredibly hard for her to allow herself that. But now she looks at you like you’re her world, and she’s always talking about you. Whenever we have coffee, I have to keep changing the subject because I already know most of what she wants to tell me, given that you’re my sister. But that girl adores you, and I think this is exactly what she needed. Look at her and tell me she doesn’t look happy.”
She couldn’t tell her that. Cressida was smiling away, putting on voices as she read aloud to Regan. “I just worry because she’s quieter now. More reserved.”
“As are you,” Daphne pointed out. “Trauma and struggles change us. But can you honestly tell me you would have happily dated the person Cressida was in high school? Or better yet, during college?”
“She was still in there,” Eloise argued. “But I suppose I would have felt inferior.” Cressida had an aura about her at that time that told people to back off, kind of like a guard dog. Whilst Eloise knew now that it was likely a defence mechanism, she would have been too scared to approach her back then.
“I think she’s happy now, and she has a family here,” Daphne continued. “She’s safe, and valued, and she doesn’t seem unhappy in any way.”
“Sometimes it feels too good to be true,” Eloise stated. “All my past relationships felt so…”
“Rushed?”
“That, but also like I couldn’t connect fully with whoever I was with. Whereas with Cressida it’s like…”
“Fate,” Daphne finished. “The two of you work together, but it’s more than that. For her to randomly move in next door to you…” She shook her head. “Sometimes I wonder if Colin is up there orchestrating this for you. He always was a meddling shit.”
Choking out a laugh, Eloise had to agree.
That night, as everyone went to bed, it left her alone with Cressida, Daphne and Francesca. However, Eloise was tired, especially after their sex earlier, and as such, she needed to sleep. Yet that meant broaching a question. “Want to head up?” Eloise said.
They had slept apart for a few nights now. Eloise didn’t want to step on Cressida’s toes, but she also hated sleeping without her. What she didn’t expect was for Cressida to smile softly up at her and say, “Of course. Come on. Night,” she offered to her sisters.
“Night,” Francesca said.
“Remember the thin walls,” Daphne called out after them.
Blushing profusely, Eloise held Cressida’s hand tightly. “Sleep in my room?”
Leaning down to kiss her, Cressida said, “That sounds great. Let me grab some of my stuff first.”
By the time Cressida made it to the room, Eloise was already in bed and in her pyjamas.
“Hey.” Leaning over, Cressida kissed her. “I’ll get dressed and brush my teeth quickly.”
“Take your time,” Eloise called out, stretching as she yawned. Eventually, a warm body moved into bed against her own, and Eloise wrapped her leg around her hip. “Mm, I missed this.”
“Me too,” Cressida admitted.
“You did? I kind of figured you’d appreciate some space. I know my family won’t shut up about us, and you probably don’t want to add to that by sleeping in here. Plus, I thought you liked your time alone. I know I can be a bit of a needy pain in the ass when it comes to you, which is weird because I’m not usually-” Eloise was shut up by lips pressing against her own.
“I like my space, but I like you in that space,” Cressida stated. “And I happen to enjoy just how needy you can get.”
“You… do?”
“Mhm.”
As a hand ran up and down her back, only making her more tired, Eloise said, “I’m glad you moved in next door to me.”
“I’m glad too.”
- Months Later -
Cressida
It was strange how easily things fell into place after that. Once they returned from the cabin, it became clear that getting time alone together was more complex. However, they juggled things well, and the fact that both of them worked from home allowed time for them to explore one another.
Cressida loved control, but she found the extent to which Eloise liked to give it up went beyond what she expected.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Cressida asked, staring down at her girlfriend, who was currently tied up in bed with a blindfold wrapped around her face.
“I’m so okay,” Eloise replied, grinning. “We should do this more often.”
As Cressida slipped the strap into her and heard her crying out, she had to agree; she could get used to this.
The hardest part actually came in their second month back from the cabin.
“Maybe you should sleep over,” Eloise said. “I miss you being here, like when we stayed there.”
“Regan…”
“I can sneak you out early morning,” Eloise suggested. They both know that Cressida sleeping over would be a big change, and since they got back from the cabin, Regan had been more tearful, missing Colin and Penelope. “Regan wakes up as late as humanly possible. She gets that from Colin. The girl detests mornings.”
So that became a habit. For the next month, Cressida slept at Eloise’s most nights. She’d head over in her pyjamas at eight and then leave when she woke up the next morning.
It was clear Eloise wanted more, but she still worried about her daughter.
“I don’t want you to feel like a dirty secret,” Eloise uttered. “And here I am shepherding you out under the cloak of darkness.”
“It’s fine,” Cressida promised. It wasn’t like it was an issue; she lived next door. She did want more, but Cressida wasn’t in any need to rush that. Everything fell into place with them in time, and this was no different.
Four months into dating, it happened.
Cressida was asleep in Eloise’s bed when they heard it: crying. It wasn’t unusual and tugged at Cressida’s heart each time. But this time, Eloise couldn’t calm her. Eventually, Eloise appeared in the doorway to her bedroom, staring at Cressida as she wiped the sleep from her eyes. “Can you help? Sorry, she won’t calm and I’ve tried everything.”
Rising immediately, Cressida followed Eloise to Regan’s room. “Hey,” she said softly.
“Cress?”
“She was sleeping over,” Eloise explained.
They found themselves on the sofa with Regan wedged between them as a cartoon played. Like that, Regan settled, clinging onto both of them as her crying slowed. Eventually, Regan moved closer to Cressida, falling asleep as Cressida held her.
Eloise watched quietly with words on her lips that she couldn’t yet voice.
The next day, Eloise didn’t sneak Cressida out. She made a coffee for her sleeping girlfriend, who was still holding Regan. As she woke, she watched as Cressida gently placed Regan down, putting a blanket over her on the sofa.
Since last night, Cressida had felt the change. Much like when they had started gardening, things seemed to fit into place. They worked as a family. Whilst she knew that as she put a blanket over her, she wasn’t sure Eloise felt the same way until she made it into the kitchen.
“You’re good with her,” Eloise said, passing a coffee her way.
A weight settled on Cressida’s chest as she sipped her coffee. “I’ll head out soon.”
“No,” Eloise said, shaking her head. “Stay? I’ll sit her down and let her know you’ll be sleeping over sometimes.”
“You’re sure?”
It was a big step, one that Eloise hurtled towards as she said, “Never been surer.” And that would mean it was official. Whilst they had been dating, they tried not to let it impact Regan’s routine, mostly because it was new, and should things not work out, they didn’t want Regan thrown off all the more. This step said I see you as being a constant in my future, and Cressida knew that meant a lot.
Five months after the cabin, Cressida was aware things were changing and fast now. She slept at Eloise’s most nights and now woke and helped Eloise with her and her daughter’s morning routine.
It turned out that Cressida was spectacular at making lunch, to the point that Regan had become the talk of her class with her immaculate boxes filled with all sorts of homemade treats. On Wednesday, Cressida had made her sesame rice shaped like pandas with barbecue chicken and a side of eggs and carrots. It was, of course, packed with a cookie - peanut butter and jelly - that she baked over the weekend.
Lunches were usually the part that left Eloise staying up late or rushing in the morning, so with Cressida taking care of it things were far less stressful.
Sometimes, when Eloise was struggling, Cressida headed with her to the school. It was something Eloise avoided, when possible, given the single mothers there took… rather well to Cressida, which left her huffing as they giggled at anything her girlfriend said.
But Cressida reminded her when she got home just who she wanted, and who she would only ever want. And Eloise, sighing as she came, knew she meant every word.
That was the same month that the next change occurred. Francesca needed to head into hospital for a small operation, but Eloise wished to be there the day of it to support her. When she asked Cressida if she’d be okay taking Regan in and picking her up, Cressida stood there shocked, knowing just how much trust the ask involved; Eloise didn’t even like asking her siblings for help.
It was daunting, but Cressida agreed.
The drop off was easy, and surprisingly, Regan was on her best behaviour. Even when she picked her up, they sang in the car as they headed over to the hospital where she was meeting them. Violet was the most shocked when Cressida headed into the waiting room, Regan walking beside her as she chatted away. “And then Ethan said I couldn’t have it, but it was my turn, Cress!”
“Ethan will hopefully learn some manners with time,” Cressida returned. “That wasn’t very nice of him.”
“He’s so mean!” Regan complained.
As she peered up, she saw Violet staring, shocked. Daphne’s eyes were wide too, whilst Benedict just smiled softly. Trying to downplay the situation, Cressida got Regan seated and pulled out her book. “Hello. Sorry that we’re late.”
“We got chips!” Regan yelled.
“In my defence, Eloise said we might be here late,” Cressida rushed out. “I wasn’t sure that we’d get back before Regan’s dinner time.”
“I got a toy,” Regan said brightly. “Is Aunty Francesca okay?”
“She’s doing well,” Violet promised, ruffling her granddaughter’s hair before turning her attention elsewhere. “You picked her up?”
“Yes,” Cressida said. “And dropped her off. El wanted to be with Francesca today.”
“Do you drop her off often?” Daphne pried, clearly gobsmacked that Eloise was allowing her to help out.
It was understandable why; Eloise hated help, even from her family. “No. This was the first time I've done so alone.”
“Cress always makes me lunch,” Regan said, grinning. “My class is so jealous.”
“Jealous?” Daphne echoed.
“Cress makes the best lunches! Today was bears!”
“Rice and ham,” Cressida clarified. “With honey soy turkey bites on the side.”
“And crisps,” Regan added.
“Does Cressida make your lunch often?” Daphne asked, just as Cressida shot her a warning look. She knew she was digging, but she also would rather she didn’t dig in front of Violet.
“Every day,” Regan announced. “Not Wednesdays, ‘coz Mum and Cress go shopping Wednesdays, so I just got a sandwich.”
Cressida tried to smother a laugh at how sad she sounded at the sandwich. Then again, she had rushed to throw that meal together, and it was rather pitiful. The bread was a tad stale, and there was hardly any ham or butter left.
“Shopping? Together? How interesting,” Daphne said. “And over there every morning by the sounds of it.”
Before Cressida could shoot back a reply, Eloise headed up the hallway. “Hey, sorry, I ran out to grab a drink.” She moved closer and placed a kiss on Cressida’s lips, which Regan ignored, leaving Daphne all the more intrigued. “Thank you. Did the pick-up go okay?”
“Yes.” Lifting a bag, Cressida added, “We stopped by that burger place on the way. Sorry, I probably should have asked, but when you texted that we’d be here late, I assumed we’d be back after Regan’s dinner time. I also wasn’t sure if you had lunch, so there’s a vegan pita in there and some fries for you.”
“Ugh, did I mention that I love you?” Eloise said, slumping down in the seat next to Regan.
It wasn’t like Eloise’s family had been oblivious to how much Cressida was around now. However, this was the first time they seemed like a family and were being completely open about how they felt regarding one another. Hearing the word love left Violet’s eyes bulging, and then she hit her son gently when he made a comment under his breath.
As such, it was no surprise next week when she was sitting opposite Daphne, feeling like she was under interrogation. “You and El…”
“You’ve known we’re together for months,” Cressida countered.
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it. You’re over there every morning making lunch, apparently, and multiple times this week you picked Regan up because El was helping Frannie out.”
“The point, Daph.”
“The point I’m making is that to all of us, you look and act like a family.”
“I’m… aware,” Cressida said slowly.
“And?”
“And I do not wish to rush El,” Cressida replied.
“How do you feel when you sleep at your place?” Daphne asked.
She had slept at her place once the other week. It was because Cressida had some emails to sort until late and hadn’t wanted to keep Eloise up. However, she hated it. Come morning, she had texted Eloise and headed over at 5 am in her pyjamas, hugging her tightly like they had been separated for years. Eloise had admitted that Regan didn’t sleep well that night, the first in many where she had nightmares once again.
“I don’t like it,” Cressida admitted. “I hate being alone now, it turns out, and I think El found it hard too. It threw Regan’s routine off.”
“Perhaps you should talk with my sister about that?” Daphne suggested. “Normally I tell people to take their time with relationships, but Cress, at the hospital, you all…” She shook her head. “Colin would be happy, so happy, to know that you both found each other. But more than that, it works. You three work as a family, and I’ve never seen my sister so relaxed. Especially not since we lost them. She’s been so happy and you…” Daphne took her hands in her own. “It’s not wrong to ask for what you need and want in a relationship. I realise El has Regan to consider, but your worries matter too.”
“I don’t want to overwhelm her,” Cressida admitted. “It’s a lot, and fast, and El already has so much to focus on.”
“That’s sweet of you, but your emotions matter too.” Releasing her hands, Daphne passed her a glass of wine.
“I guess I’ve never really been in a place to express what I want with those around me,” Cressida admitted.
“Is that why you let those rumours spread at school?” Daphne asked. “That you were sleeping with all of those guys?”
“Yes,” Cressida admitted. “My parents would hear rumours occasionally that I was involved with someone. My father saw it as a point of pride that guys saw me as a prize. It was probably the only time he looked somewhat proud of me, when he thought I’d eventually make a suitable wife for someone.”
“That must have been hard,” Daphne said.
“I think sometimes I can beat myself up over it. I spent so long clambering to win his approval and cutting off anyone around me he deemed not suitable for my image. But I knew I’d never fit that image. I never felt anything for anyone, especially a man, and he wanted me to be a doting wife to a football player.”
“Does he know you're gay?” Daphne asked, and the question left Cressida downing the last of her wine.
“Yes. A piece dropped a month ago on El and me after we attended an event together. It was clear that we were together, and the headline also made that obvious.” She placed the glass down on the table. “It was the first time he’s called me since I cut them off,” Cressida said.
“Did it go badly?”
Whilst Cressida had meant to reply and tried to get her thoughts together, she soon found herself crying as Daphne held her. Through tears, she got out some of what was said, not everything, but enough for Daphne to grow rigid with anger towards the man.
“You have us now,” Daphne promised. “Fuck him. I mean it. He’s a prick, and he has no part in your life. He has nothing, Cress. But you have a whole family behind you, and you’re a part of it as much as any of us.”
Later, Cressida returned home. She had meant to make a beeline for her house, but Eloise had opened the door to take something to her car, catching Cressida with her mascara-stained cheeks.
She ushered her in, sat her down, and distracted Regan with a book before taking a seat beside Cressida. “Your dad?”
“Kind of,” Cressida said. “I’m fine. A rough day is all.”
Eloise held her, knowing there was more to it that went unsaid.
Eloise
Her sister seemed to be the best plan. Daphne knew Cressida inside and out; the pair were joined at the hip after all. She tended to be the person that Cressida was most open with, and Eloise understood why.
They were best friends, and Daphne leaned on Cressida just as much as she did in return. There was trust there, history, and Eloise cherished that they had that in one another. But sometimes, Eloise needed to take some of that weight.
“She was crying the other day,” Eloise said. “Her father. I think everything with her family is getting to her.”
“He’s a twat,” Daphne agreed. “I told her to block his number and to let all calls go to voicemail so she can field them.”
It was something Eloise had dwelled on, the dip in Cressida’s usual disposition. Normally, Cressida was reserved but bubbly, but now she seemed distant in a way. “She’s been off lately. Low but also… removed, I guess.”
“Cressida isn’t the best at voicing things sometimes,” Daphne explained. “And she respects you and doesn’t want to step on your toes. That woman wants the best for you. But if she isn’t going to be open about her needs, you need to figure out a way to draw them out. Or take a guess.”
“She never asks for anything,” Eloise stated. “Cressida is so giving, but sometimes I want to give back. I want her to know that I value her just as much.”
“Well,” Daphne said. “If we’re cutting to the chase, the last few times that all of us have seen you, you look like a family. Mother has commented on it several times.”
“We do?” Eloise asked, but deep down she knew that was true.
“Cressida mentioned she’s over yours a lot, but El, to me, it sounds like you're raising Regan together. You shop together. Cressida makes her lunches. Often, Cressida picks her up. To us, it looks like you are a family, so I would imagine it’s hard for Cressida knowing you’re not. This is someone who doesn’t technically have a family of her own, not now. And whilst she knows that all of us adore her and see her as family, I think the main thing that matters to that woman is you, El. And Regan. She lights up when she talks about you both. But it’s confusing, I would assume. Doing all of that but knowing she’s technically just your girlfriend and neighbour.”
“I… never thought about that,” Eloise admitted. “Not with regard to her family. And yes, I know that the three of us now act like a family unit. I realised that a while ago, if I’m being honest, but I didn’t want to scare her away. Being a parent is daunting, especially when it pops up out of nowhere, and I know that better than anyone.”
“Maybe, to Cressida, what scares her more is that she’s not truly wanted in a family,” Daphne said. “That she doesn’t feel like she has one. And Cressida has always been open with me about wanting to be a parent. Even before she started dating you, she was talking about adoption at some point.”
“Oh.”
Those words festered, and Eloise let them sit for a week. She watched quietly, worrying her lip as Cressida pulled on Regan's coat each morning and helped with her shoes. She watched at night as Cressida helped with homework whilst Eloise did the laundry. She took note of everything, even as Cressida slept and Eloise’s mind raced because Daphne was right.
They were a family.
But more than that, in a way, they weren’t. There was a divide there, a gap, especially when Eloise sat there one night staring at the flyer her daughter had passed her.
Parent-teacher evening.
“Everything okay?” Cressida asked.
Thankfully, Eloise had put Regan to sleep an hour ago. The flyer bent in her grip, and Eloise eventually slid it across the table. “Parent-teacher evening.”
“Ah. I’m sure it’ll go well. Regan’s doing great in her subjects, isn’t she?”
“Yes,” Eloise replied. “But I…” She swallowed thickly. “Would you like to come with us?”
“With you?”
“Yes.”
“El,” Cressida said, pointing at the flyer. “It’s for parents and guardians only.”
And that made it clear how removed Cressida felt, even though she did so much beside her. Eloise hated the sadness there. Whilst Cressida hid it well, it was easy for her to spot now, the slight hesitance. “I realise that. I thought that we might talk about that.”
“About…”
“You,” Eloise said. “Us. Regan. You’re here most mornings now, and when you’re not, we both miss you. Regan gets all mopey, and I have to admit that I do too. You do so much for both of us, Cress, and I…” She let out a breath. “Maybe this is too fast, or too much, perhaps both, but I want to do this together. Everything. In one house as well. I mean, for the most part we already are, but I also get if that’s too much for you, and if it is, it’s okay, I understand, not everyone wants to raise a child with their girlfriend and-”
“I do,” Cressida cut in. “Want that, that is. To do this together.”
“Oh.”
Taking Eloise’s hand in her own, she said, “You’re right, and I hate sleeping at my place, but I also love what I’ve done with it. I’ve put so much effort into renovating, but I also thought perhaps we could join the two.”
“Join them?” Eloise said.
“Yes. We share a wall,” Cressida continued. “I’d have to look into planning permissions and other things, but you’ve mentioned a few times now you feel cramped here and would love a bigger garden to make room for a swing for Regan.” She squeezed her hand. “We don’t have to, I just thought-”
“That sounds perfect,” Eloise admitted. “I- I don’t take what you do for granted,” Eloise continued. “I love you so much, but I’m also trying not to rush things and scare you away because I get that this is a package deal, and raising a child is intimidating. But I want to raise Regan together,” Eloise said. “As our daughter. Our family, Cress.”
“You do?”
“I really do,” Eloise replied. But there was one other thing that had been there, under the surface for a while now. Something that Eloise had thought, up until meeting Cressida, that she’d never want. “Also, whilst we’re… throwing it all out there, I… I would like to carry at some point. I think Regan would love having a sibling.”
She had expected Cressida to be horrified or awkward about Eloise throwing that out there. Yet instead, Cressida’s eyes dropped to her stomach. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
Cressida nodded, and then her lips were pressing against her own with an enthusiasm that left Eloise breathless. Her hand tangled in Cressida’s top, drawing her closer as she let out a sound of relief.
“We’ll work on it,” Cressida said. “We should probably sort the houses first, because right now there’s no room at yours for a nursery,” Cressida explained. “But I’m fully on board with that, I promise. And slightly thankful I don’t have the equipment to do that myself because if I did, you’d be carrying right away.”
“Oh?” Eloise felt heat and a pulse between her thighs. “Care to try anyway?”
Smiling, Cressida drew her in again.
Weeks later, Eloise found herself beside Cressida, staring at Regan’s teacher.
“Eloise Bridgerton,” she said. “And this is my fiancé, and Regan’s other mother, Cressida.”
“Nice to see you both again,” the teacher replied.