Chapter Text
You have always been afraid to die.
It’s only natural. No living being wants to die. When things come into being, they live to breed, and those offspring shall live on, and so forth. And whether you die of starvation, or you get preyed upon, or you merely run out of time, you die anyways no matter how hard you tried to live. It’s the natural order of life. You might’ve slept through all your science lessons in school, but it’s fairly straightforward. No matter how brave you want to call yourself as a ‘soldier of humanity’s finest’, you’ve never wanted to die.
Yet now, you face its jaws.
It’s almost funny—how little goes through your head as the titan leers at you. You’ve escaped situations like these a handful of times before, and now it seems like you’re to pay that debt back in full. The female titan’s gotten away. It’s hopeless. Just like every time before, no matter what you do, it’s all too much.
You wondered if you loved Erwin. It’d been an arrangement, nothing more—but maybe you’ve always just said that just to convince yourself. It was never meant to be forever. The two of you didn’t know when it was your last day on Earth. He never took a wife because of it. How compassionate of him. You, younger, more naïve, had thought that maybe you’d get to see the end of this titan-infested reality and settle down and it’d end happily ever after. If you didn’t stop believing in it, perhaps it could come true. Would he remember you after you were gone?
You died a quick, painless death.
---
“Nobody from my squad made it. How many people died for this? Was it worth it, Erwin? Was it really fucking worth it?!”
Erwin closed his eyes as Levi throttled him, strangling him with his own cloak. There was a certain expression he could coax from you, always, without fail. If he pretended he weren’t looking, he could catch you staring at him with a sort of hopeful longing, like he was so far away despite being within arm’s reach. He’d found that face of yours to be beautiful; the way your hair draped around your face and your eyes seemed so round. Now he felt like he was looking at you, that he was the one longing, and yet no matter how far he reached, he wouldn’t be able to touch you.
He slapped Levi across the face, making the shorter man stumble away in shock. His hand hung in the air unwaveringly. There was no emotion in his voice but resolution.
“We move forwards.”
---
“Hey, wake up. You’ve been asleep far too long, Commander.”
He opened his eyes. Everything felt hazy and… off. Propping himself up, he looked around, only to realize something strange—he stared at his right hand with horror, flexing the fingers. When he raised his head… you smiled back.
“Took you long enough, Erwin. I thought you’d keep me waiting forever.”
“Seriously,” Mike teased, standing behind you with his arms crossed across his chest. “What happened to you being punctual?”
“Am I…” He was afraid to say it; afraid to speak it out into reality. You smiled sorrowfully and reached your hand out, letting it hover before him.
“You did well. They’ll be fine. You can rest now.”
It was all he needed to hear. Weight and burden lifted off his shoulders, and it felt like his own heart might soar, taking flight. He reached out and grasped your hand, squeezing it tightly.
“I never got to realize my dream.”
“Of the truth?” you asked.
“Yes, but…” He stood with you, feeling light. “Maybe now I can allow myself to have a new dream.”
“Funny,” you said, holding him closely. “I was thinking the same thing.”