Chapter Text
"If you check my Web site, you can find the file for today's slideshow. I don't know, guys, I really didn't plan as far as homework assignments today. Um, you there, in the third row, tell me. Hm. What's your favorite color?"
You looked up from your notebook. The professor was looking at you, as were the students on either side.
"Yes, you." he said, losing patience. "Favorite color?"
"Red?"
“Red! Everyone, homework is to write a paragraph or so in prose. Make it about the color red. See you on the flip side.”
You began packing your things. Although you weren’t a good student in high school, college was different. Less depressing, more focus on a few subjects rather than minimal focus on seven. Plus, access to resources like spending money and online shopping let you get stationery and supplies to keep organized, which made you happy. Overall, quality of life had gone up, at least by that metric.
“Hey, Karkat!”
One of your friends, Jade, came up to you and helped you put away some supplies.
“I’m considering starting a book club, want to join?”
“Depends.”
“On what?”
“It’ll be pretty casual, probably some snacks and talking. A lot of hanging out more than anything else. Come to my house on tomorrow night at around five. There’ll be pizza?” she tried.
“Fine,” you sighed in faux exasperation. “Only for the pizza.”
“That’s the spirit. We could also play some games or something, if you like.”
You walked together out of the classroom. It was time to leave and go back to the dorms.
“It sounds fun. Who else is going to be there?”
“A few other friends of mine. Like I said, it’s going to be pretty low-key and casual. You’ll love it.”
“You know that’s statistically unlikely.”
“Um, excuse you, who’s the one in the statistics class here. Adjusting for the day’s introversion rates, the average statistical probability of you enjoying yourself tomorrow is a forty two percent. With pizza, add ten percent. Plus, we’ll have cocktails. You’re such a lightweight, one cocktail adds about twenty five percent, with an extra seven for each additional drink. What is that, about eighty four percent if you have two?”
“I’m a freshman, I’m not allowed to drink.”
She raised her eyebrows.
“Really? Tell that to eighteen year old you at the graduation party.”
“Okay, you got me there.”
“My roommate is old enough and has a fully stocked bar, it’s great for parties.”
”I’ll go, as long as nobody lame is there.” you agreed.
“You know I have great taste in people. Are you going home?”
“Yeah, I have a lot of homework to do. There’s this writing thing, plus criminal justice case files are due tomorrow.” you explained, prepared to delve into the details, but hesitating, unsure if Jade would appreciate the enthusiasm.
“What’s your file on?”
“Well, I was lucky. I got the highest score on the last test, so first dibs on case files. It’s a little gruesome, but it’s an arson/murder case. There’s a lot that goes into it, value of the building, et cetera, and I’m really liking the class even though we’re just a month or so in.”
“It sounds interesting. For me, I’ve been having some difficulties in my algebra class. Imaginary numbers really tanked my grade.”
“Don’t worry, my class is a little ahead of yours and the next unit is way easier. Quadratics are going to help you out a lot, they’re no problem.”
You noticed you were blocks away from the dormitories and Jade had missed her turn.
“Are you coming home with me tonight?”
“Pfft, no.” she laughed. “I can’t walk you home safely?”
“I don’t need protection.”
“You’re five-foot-five.”
“I’ll be fine, I can throw a punch.”
“Yeah, “a punch”. Singular.”
You frowned as she ruffled your hair at the corner of the dormitory.
“See you tomorrow, Karkat. Have a good night!” she said, walking away.
“Bye, Jade.”
You checked your mail and opened the letter in the elevator on the way up. Your parents had sent you a few hundred dollars, despite your constant declining. You appreciated it, nonetheless, you were in the market for a new set of highlighters and some fresh clothes.
Part of being fiercely independent is refusing any and all help, which you did, but for some reason, people liked to try anyways. Even on your sickest days, nobody could help you, even if the room was spinning, so help you god if you asked for assistance.
Still, pocketing the money, you begrudgingly acknowledged that they would just send it back if you tried to return it. An absent thought flitted through your head, a brief consideration as to where downtown is a good place to buy school supplies.
“Gamzee? I’m home.” you said, clicking into the room. You tossed your scarf onto your bunk and sat at the desk, spreading out the evening’s assignments and getting out study materials.
“Hey, what’s up?” he asked, coming out of the bathroom in a towel.
“Decency, please.”
“Come on, we’re both men here, we can live with it.”
You pretended to take a very sudden interest in your assignment planner, staring at it closely in order to avert your eyes. Your high school friend has no idea he makes you uncomfortable, but he’s all you have, not to mention you’re roommates, so you really ought to deal with it.
As you opened your math textbook, the smell of weed hit you in the face.
“Gamzee, if you’re going to smoke, please do it outside.” you mumbled, turning to open the window and put on a fan.
“Come on, it’s not an issue. Plus, stoned showers are the best, trust me on this.”
Without looking up, you noticed him changing and cringed as the towel hit the floor, silently praying he’d leave soon. The gross smoke was making you gag, and his immodesty bothered you. Maybe he’d go out and hang with some friends overnight instead of here.
Reluctantly, you started working, but the anxiety surrounding the situation was distracting, it made your pencil shake as you worked. You knew how immature it was to be bothered by his nudity, but you couldn’t change it, something about him doing it constantly got under your skin.
Within a few math problems, he went. Of course, at registration, rooming with your best friend seemed ideal, but weeks into college and it’s bad. He has no sense of propriety and now you have to deal with his habits, pot smoking, and you’re pretty certain you’ve seen a charred spoon over on his side of the room.
Seeing him go, you got up and put on the bathroom fan and opened all the windows to the outside world, shoving a t-shirt over the crack in the bottom of the door in order to prevent anyone else in the building from detecting it. Finally, with cool, clean air filtering through, you were able to focus.
After homework, you stayed up late watching bad crime drama on the tiny box television and fell asleep on the couch. To be done with the day’s work and relaxing without your roommate anywhere nearby was the most idyllic scenario for an evening.
At nine in the morning, you woke. As you got dressed and ready, you thought about the day ahead, with the club and classes, plus your Monday/Wednesday/Friday class, Drawing Basics.
The day passed quickly, probably because you were partly dreading the event that night. It contained all of your fears, social interaction with people you don’t know, the possibility of getting drunk in front of strangers, the screw-ups are limitless.
The final period of your school day was the best part; you loved the current project. Drawing cartoon characters as skeletons was an interesting study in anatomy. Art class ended at four thirty and as you left, the teacher stopped you.
“Hey, Karkat.” he said. “Do you want to come in a few extra times? Your blending techniques could use some work. Maybe stay an extra half hour?”
“I can’t tonight, sorry. I have a book club at five, so I really gotta go. Sorry.”
“Oh, that’s a shame. Well, have a good evening.”
“See you next week.”
Jade’s place was a stylish house in the middle of the sorority/fraternity hellscape. You were proud that she didn’t join a sorority, also known as “paying for friends and status”. Not that it was ever a concern, she really isn’t into the cookie-cutter experience of the preppy majority. It shows, too, her house a stately, avant-garde thing, with an overflowing amount of foliage creeping up the walls and over the fence.
You went up to the front door and rung the bell. A few seconds later, Jade opened the door.
“Hey, welcome to the club. Come on in!”
“Don’t mind if I do.” you said, kicking off your shoes. “Who’s here so far?”
“We’re waiting on one more. Let’s go back to the living room, everyone else is there.”
You hadn’t been to her house for a while, and since move-in day, the place had been decorated and rearranged significantly, it now gave off the vibe of a hipstery bar rather than a space to drink.
“Take a seat. Everyone, this is Karkat.”
A knock sounded at the door
“I’ll grab that, it’s probably John.”
“Hello,” the girl on the couch introduced, offering her hand. You shook. “I’m Rose; this is my cousin, Dave.”
“Yeah, that’s me.”
Rather than a handshake, he gave a fist bump. You sat on the couch perpendicular to them, and Jade came back in with the last guest.
“Hey, Dave! Rose! And you must be the Karkat I’ve heard so much about.” he enthused. “I’m John, Jade’s cousin.”
“Oh, wow,” you were a bit taken aback by both the enthusiasm and the amount of relatives in the room. “Hi.”
They sat on either side of you.
“How are you guys doing today?” John asked.
“I’m well. My girlfriend and I were able to get room assignments switched, so now we share a room.” Rose said. “And we moved into the feline-friendly dormitory on the south side of campus, so we’re driving home this weekend to grab Jaspers and live with him up here.”
“Sweet, but why didn’t you tell me sooner? I thought we were friends.” he responded in mock offense.
“I wanted to wait to tell everybody, Dave. Isn’t it better for us all to be able to talk about it?”
“I agree with her.” said Jade. “It’s much better hearing about this together. This is such good news!”
Everyone continued conversation for a few minutes. You don’t know most of them, and you feel very awkward. Someone said your name.
“What?”
“Ha, you spaced right out!” John teased. “We’re discussing pizza toppings. Which ones do you prefer.”
“I’m a picky eater, I only like cheese pizza. I’ll only eat two slices max, though, if that makes a difference.”
“Okay, we’re looking at two pizzas. Half cheese, other side sausage and pepperoni. On the second, half onions and tomato, and the other with ham and pineapple.”
“Gross!” you half-shouted. “Ham and pineapple is the worse thing in the world.”
“What are you talking about? It’s the best, back me up on this.”
John looked around at everyone else.
“Come on, it’s good!”
“Sorry, man, but your pizza opinions are shit. Hate to break it to you.” Dave said.
“This is bullying.” he whined jokingly.
You laughed with the group, and began warming up to them.
Jade placed the call and stood behind the bar, getting out a cocktail shaker.
“John! What do you want?” she shouted.
“I don’t know. Hm.”
She waved him over and you followed, as did the other two and sat at the barstools.
John thought on his drink for a second. “What do you think I’d like?”
“You seem like a Royal Blue kind of guy. It’s got citron vodka, blue curaco, and cranberry juice.” she explained.
“I don’t know what most of that means, but I like cranberry juice.”
She laughed. John really was a bit of a dork.
“Next up, Karkat. What can I make for you?”
“I’ll go for my signature cocktail.”
She cocked her head. “And what is that?”
“C’mon, Jade. Blackcurrant Cream Dream, you’ve made it for me a million times.”
“Ah, yeah! It’s been a while, don’t blame me because I forgot it. Besides, I remember now, so shush up and get drunk with us.”
Another voice cut through the conversation.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Dave said.
“What do you mean?”
“A drink that’s fruity, has cream, and a rhyming name? That’s a girly drink.” he scoffed.
You defended yourself. “So? It’s good! I like fruity drinks!”
“Maybe it’s because you’re fruity, too.”
“Hey!”
“Haha, bingo.” he laughed.
“Dave, you act like your favorite drink isn’t girly.” Jade commented offhandedly.
“It’s sophisticated.”
“One candied grapefruit gin, coming right up.”
“A drink that’s fruity and candied, Dave? Really?” you jabbed. “And you make fun of me for my drink.”
“Come on, let’s not have a friendly argument. We should pass out the books.” John suggested.
With drinks in hand, everyone sat back down on the couch. Jade brought out a plastic bag, looking about three seconds from bursting apart.
“In the future, we’ll choose books as a club, but for now, I’ve chosen the first book. It’s called “The Life We Bury” and I think it’ll be a fun read.” she explained.
Upon receiving your copy, you spoke up.
“What’s it about?”
“Well, I haven’t read it yet, but a convicted rapist/murderer. I think I know what will happen, though.”
“Yeah,” Rose agreed. “I bet he’s proven innocent by the end.”
“Same, there’s no way in hell the author would write all this and go to the trouble and not have him be innocent.” A door slammed in the driveway. “Sounds like pizza’s here.” Dave said.
Jade picked them up, and the books were forgotten as you ate, You were feeling a little more than tipsy at this point.
“You guys wanna watch a show? Maybe one of those TLC shows, where they do weird things, what’s it called?” she asked.
“My Strange Addiction?” you tried.
“Yes! I love it!”
Dave laughed. “It makes me feel better about my problems. Like yeah, I got issues, but at least I’m not the dude who was in an “intimate relationship” with his car. We all know what that means.”
“What does that mean?” John asked.
“You see, son, when a man and a car love each other very much, they start having special feelings for one another, and-”
“Dave!” he exclaimed.
“You’re the one who asked.”
Jade brought over more drinks, which you drank too quickly. Your mouth was so dry and salty from the food, you needed something, therefore, drinking was the most logical solution to that problem.
An hour or so later, you were completely hammered, standing up and swaying while putting your book in your backpack for the walk home. God, the walk home, you'd have to walk all the way home like this.
“Dude,” Dave commented. “how much of a lightweight are you?”
“He’s pretty short, I’d imagine he doesn’t take liquor well.” John said tactlessly.
You dismissed their concern with a quick “I’m fine” and started to go.
“Bye, Karkat!” they called.
You had planned to start the book on the way home, but now, you just have to concentrate on getting back to the dorms without being killed. You were very drunk and staggered home, somehow in one piece after almost getting hit by cars twice. You were a daredevil, and nothing could stop you, not even barely-navigating the perils of an escalator.
Finally, you were able to sigh with relief as you entered the building a few minutes before the quiet policy took effect. You had six minutes to stop making noise, which was more than enough, but being as clumsy as you were made it even more difficult to avoid being loud. However, you opened the door to your room safely, ready to hit the sheets and sleep off the alcohol, mentally preparing yourself for the killer hangover to surely follow.