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After the dust settled, many celebrated the end of the war. They, of course, were the people for whom the war was over. However, the reckoning had only begun. That May, any Slytherin who had been in their fourth year or above and had connections to any Death Eaters were brought in for questioning. Which is to say, most Slytherins were brought in for questioning.
That summer there were hearings for the surviving Death Eaters. During their interrogations, the Slytherins were told that if they expected lenience, they needed to help the courts. Help put their family members in Azkaban.
Some of the children agreed immediately, either eager to get away from their dark relatives or ready to testify to their innocence. Some others needed more coercion. Almost every student testified after threat of being punished for obstructing the trials.
Theodore Nott had no interest in testifying. There was bountiful evidence of his father’s involvement in the war. The only thing Theodore could do was confirm what the wizarding world already knew. And he knew that once he began testifying he would be asked other questions. Questions where the answers were things he didn’t want going in the public record.
Theodore did want to return to Hogwarts in the fall to finish his education, so he eventually caved. He did make one stipulation, however. As he had no family, he wanted to bring someone with him to the trial.
His friends were shocked when he didn’t choose to bring his boyfriend. They assumed that he would want the emotional support that he had only ever let Blaise Zabini give him. However, he asked Draco Malfoy to go with him to the trial.
Zabini is not ordinarily a jealous man, but he has always made exceptions when it came to Theo. After discovering that Theo had chosen Malfoy, he arranged to be left alone with Malfoy at their next gathering.
“What the fuck?” Zabini always lost his hard-earned veneer when it came to his boyfriend. “So you suddenly have empathy? Compassion? The ability to think of someone other than yourself?”
This was unfair. While Malfoy had only ever been capable of caring about three people at a time, Theodore made the cut a disproportionate percentage of the time.
“Zabini, I don’t want to fight. He made his choice. He doesn’t want you there.”
“Well, the fuck not?”
“Maybe you should ask him? I feel like he might be better qualified to answer that question.”
Zabini had never liked Malfoy. They were diametrically opposed on most topics. Unfortunately, Malfoy was an important person in Theodore’s life, so Zabini usually put up with his presence. But Blaise would be damned if he let Malfoy get in the way of his relationship.
“Look, think about it logically. Why wouldn’t he want you there?”
“I don’t know! I’m a fucking delight!”
Malfoy rolled his eyes and let out a sigh. “Zabini. What is Theodore doing at this trial?”
“Testifying against his father! Which means he’ll need support. From his boyfriend.”
“I know you’re not this dense. Nott always speaks so highly of your social expertise. Think! What is he testifying about?”
His father. And probably not just his connections to the Dark Lord. He would have to testify about all of his father’s dark tendencies.
“So then he really needs me. Facing his father whilst telling hundreds of strangers about… about that is going to be awful. He needs my support.”
“Maybe. But can’t you provide that when he gets back? What does he need most at this trial?”
“Me!”
“No. He needs one person who won’t look at him differently. Someone who won’t pity him or baby him. He needs someone who already knows.”
“I already know! And I do not pity him!”
“Zabini, do you think he really wants his boyfriend to hear the specifics? Do you think he wants you to know the exact reason why he flinches when you move too quickly? I know you will try not to change how you treat him, but you will. I did. He doesn’t want you to worry about him.”
“I always worry about him! That’s my job.”
“Yeah, it might help if you don’t refer to him as a job.”
“Fuck off, Malfoy.” Zabini responded, losing his venom.
“You know he hasn’t had control over many things in his life. Just respect this decision. You can support him before and afterwards, but he doesn’t want you there.”
That night Blaise was acting agitated. He was constantly in motion, never pausing to look at Theodore. Theo tried three times to ask what was wrong, but he aborted last minute each time. He loved and trusted Blaise, but he still could never bring himself to engage agitated people.
Eventually Zabini settled into bed, but he didn’t try to cuddle Theodore. The lights were out and he had almost drifted off to sleep when he heard a small voice.
“I’m sorry.”
“What?” Blaise asked sleepily. “What are you talking about?”
“I don’t know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Blaise sat up and turned on the light. “Upset me? How did you upset me?”
“I don’t know. And I’m sorry about that too. I just… I don’t want you to be mad at me.”
“Fuck, Theo. I’m not mad at you! I could never be mad at you, I just had a bad day.” Blaise slowly reached over to thread a hand through Theo’s hair. “Just because I’m upset doesn’t mean I’m upset with you. You know I would talk to you, not pull some passive-aggressive bullshit.”
Theo examined him with his wide eyes. “Are you upset at Draco? It’s not his fault, it’s my fault. Don’t be mad at him.”
“Babe, I’m not mad. Well, I’m not that mad. I don’t understand it, but it’s your decision. I respect you and I want you to have whatever support you need.”
Theo curled in closer to Blaise. Not entangling himself, but getting close enough that Blaise could easily hold him if he wanted to.
“I... you know that I… I care about you. I want you to be there for me. I just… I don’t want you there. In that room. When I have to…” Theo whispered. Love was a complicated concept for him. He was trying his hardest, but some things take time. “I want you separate from that.”
Blaise wrapped his arms around his boyfriend. He had always assumed that after he got away from his father Theo would get healthier. But since the war he lost even more weight, if that was possible.
“I will be wherever you need me. If you want me there, I will be by your side for every second. If you don’t want me there, then I will be at the door. Waiting for you. And we can spend the day however you want. We can read and eat sweets. We can see our friends. Hell, we can go get pissed in some club if that’s what you want!” That got a slight chuckle from Theo. “Babe, I love you. I never used to believe in love, but I love you. So whatever you need from me, whatever you want, it’s yours.”
Theo had never been good at accepting compliments. He lay in his boyfriend’s arms and tried to internalize the things Blaise had said.
He loves me. He would do anything for me. He would never hurt me.
This is a mantra Theodore had been memorizing since they had gotten together. Up until the war, he had been slowly needing to repeat it less frequently. But this spring had been horrific for his sense of security and it was only going to get worse at this trial.
He wanted Blaise there. He needed his presence in that room. But the thought of Blaise sitting there listening to his testimony was worse than any nightmare Theo had had in recent memory.
How could he still love me after he knows how pathetic I am? He’s managed to put up with my weaknesses so far, but once he has no doubt? No one could love someone so broken. That was a fact. One he had been reminded of constantly throughout his childhood.
Blaise eventually stopped waiting for Theo to respond. He understood how difficult this situation is for Theo, and didn’t want to put any pressure on him. One day he’ll be able to accept how incredible he is. How much he is loved.
Blaise turned out the lights and cuddled closer to Theo. Theo has always been the best part of Blaise, and eventually Theo will realize that.