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Confessions

Summary:

Kaia has been keeping a secret from Alistair for more than 10 years.

But it's time for Alistair to know. Ali needs to know.

Notes:

This was the first thing I wrote when I finally decided to try my hand at fan fiction. It will eventually be part of a much larger narrative, but I expect it to change for details that are coming up in that story.

 

Submitted for Alistair Appreciation Week.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Kaia’s Confession

 

“I loved her too Ali.”

 

Alistair’s head snapped up. The pain in his eyes as raw as the day The Archdemon was slain.

 

“She was everything l had, my friend, my family...she was a sister to me. We each replaced the family the other lost.”

 

Alistair remained silent, a quiet tear rolled down his cheek.

 

“I loved you the moment I first saw you at Ostagar.” Kaia’s voice cracked.

 

Alistair inhaled a shocked breath, and took a half step back.

 

“Elissa knew, I told her everything. When the two of you first...first kissed, she came to me guilt ridden. But Ali, I was never jealous.”

 

Alistair’s mouth opened as if to speak, but no sound came out.

 

“The two of you belonged together! How could anyone not see that! I could see it, and I told her so. I was happy for the two of you. I could never resent the two of you finding love in the middle of all that waste” Kaia barely missed catching her sob.

 

“I fought with her the night before the battle, begged her to ask you to do the ritual with Morrigan...begged her to try…”

 

Alistair started, “You knew about the ritual? How?”

 

“The same way I knew everything else. And I never thought in my wildest dreams either of you would refuse it!” Kaia’s long buried anger escaped, and she slammed her fist on the table. The sound ricocheted off the cave walls.

 

“Why didn't you tell me you knew?” Alistair’s voice was strained with the effort of holding back his own sorrow.

 

“What difference did it make? You had both decided that the power of an Old God was too dangerous to leave in Morrigan's hands. The suddenly secretive wardens, the only family I had left in the world. And by morning Morrigan was gone…it was too late.”

 

Kaia broke, her sobs echoed off the walls. “I loved her too…” she whispered.

 

Alistair stepped forward and Kaia glared at him with watery eyes. He froze halfway to her.

 

“I still love you. I've always loved you. And I will not let you bury everything she hoped to save in misery and regret. Not anymore Ali. The time for grieving is over. I have no intention of replacing her, but you are my family too.”

 

“When we got,...” Alistair's voice caught a moment before he recovered, “when we arrived in Denerim, she made me promise that if Riorden fell that I let her take the final blow. She said she needed me to look after her sister.” His face contorted in anguish, “She thought we could help each other heal!” Alistair gasped. “I fell in love with you years ago and felt so guilty. Felt like I'd betrayed you both. Maker I am a fool!”

 

Kaia's jaw dropped at the realization of what Alistair said. The world around her seemed to freeze.

 

Alistair’s voice trembled, “I didn't want to tell you in case you hated me. I couldn't bear losing you both.”

 

Kaia's legs walked forward of their own volition, and like a woman possessed her hands reached up to cup his cheeks, and bring his lips to meet hers. Their tears mingled on their lips, and for a moment both remained frozen in time, afraid to move.

 

Alistair’s arms wrapped around her waist, his urgency overwhelming her. Their bodies tangled in a desperate attempt to explain the depth of confusing and intense emotions neither of them yet had words to explain. He sucked at her bottom lip begging entrance and her mouth opened obediently. Her tongue timidly flicked the end of his, and he responded by opening his lips wider, and stroking her tongue with his.  

 

Alistair pulled away, and a whimper escaped her mouth,”I’m so sorry Kaia. I never thought...I never think.”

 

Kaia brushed her lips on his and let out a deep, soft laugh. “So you’re going to start now? Perish the thought.”

 

Alistair smiled and pressed his lips against hers.  Then he let out a sudden grunt, grabbed her ass, and lifted Kaia up against him so she was looking down at him.  Kaia’s legs instinctively wrapped around his waist, and he carried her to his small raised cot. He laid her down surprisingly gracefully for the awkward low height of the cot, and laid his body over top of hers.  He paused as he leaned down to kiss Kaia again, ”Is this alright?” hesitation and caution plain in his voice and on his face.

 

“Yes, Ali. This is more than alright.”

 

His smile reminded Kaia of when she first met him in Ostagar, before age and loss had stolen his boyish charm. He dipped his head to press a light kiss to Kaia’s lips, and laid a trail of kisses down her neck to her collar bone. “Do you know why they call this a wishbone Kaia?  Because I wish I could get to what’s below it.”

 

Kaia cackled, a very unsexy cackle and placed a hand over her face to hide her blush. “Really Ali? That’s what you’re going with right now? Where did you even hear that?”

 

His joyful smirk played across his face, “Hawke and I were trying to invent the worst pick up lines, and I’d been wanting to test that one.  And besides it’s been far too long since I heard you laugh at me.”

 

“Oh for Christ’s sake Ali, just take off my clothes and take me already. I can’t take it anymore!” Kaia started struggling with Alistair’s tunic as she gave him a desperate look.

 

“Oh, yeah right, clothes…” Alistair remembered what he was trying to do and lifted himself enough to help her shimmy out of her tunic, pants, and small clothes.

 

Once Alistair was finally done fiddling awkwardly to remove his own fabric prison, he looked back down at Kaia and froze. His eyes trailed down from her eyes, down to her lips, neck, collarbone, and breasts, and back again.  “You are so beautiful Kaia. I...Maker Kaia, I want you so badly.” His voice was thick with desire, and Kaia was overwhelmed by her own need.

 

Kaia wrapped her leg gently around his hip and drew him near.  Alistair's thigh came between hers, and his need was pressed against her soft stomach. Their lips met again with new fervor, and Kaia wrapped her hand around the back of his neck to draw him in deeper. She turned her hips slightly to encourage his other leg to come between hers and he obeyed happily.

 

With him now comfortably seated between her legs she lifted her hips to rub her stomach along his length,and Alistair groaned and looked Kaia deeply in the eyes, “Not yet, I’m still taking in how amazing this is.” At Kaia’s smiled response Alistair took her breast in his hand and caressed it with his tongue. He ran his tongue across her pink nipple and watched as her back arched to give him better access. He reached to her other breast and gave it the same attention until Kaia began to moan and her hips jerked towards him. He pulled back his head and watched her as he lowered his hips so that his hard head brushed against her slit.

 

Kaia gasped, her eyes widened and she looked into his  eyes. I will not forget a moment of this, Alistair thought as he leaned forward, brushed his nose against hers, then leaned in for another kiss. If it comes down to it I will take this memory of her to the deep roads with me. When she responded to his kiss with another thrust of her hips he let himself slide into her slowly, her folds already slick with want. He eased his hardness into her gently while she rutted against him and held himself deep inside her as he lifted his body with one arm on his elbow, and gripped her waist with one of his other hand to help her lift her hips. “Kaia…” his voice was hoarse with the strain of holding back the urge to drive into her.

 

“Hmmm…?” She stilled her need, and looked up at him, a moment of uncertainty mareing her face.

 

“...would you touch yourself? I want to see you...I want to feel you make yourself cum around me. Would you show me?” Alistair’s sudden, but familiar vulnerability would have brought her to her knees had she been standing.

 

Without a word, Kaia reached her hand between her legs and stroked her clit while Alistair followed the thrust of her hips with his own.  His hand still at her hips sent an electrical hum down her body, and she started to thrust higher and harder as she touched herself. Alistair met each thrust with his own. He brushed his lips softly against hers as she gasped sharply, her mouth forming a wide “O”.  

 

At his soft touch Kaia’s eyes flashed open and met his. Her eyes were wild, and he held the intensity of her eyes in his own. Noses brushed, then lips, then cheeks-punctuated by increasingly firm thrusts. An ecstatic groan escaped her wide open mouth and he caught it with his, eyes fluttering before smiling against her lips.

 

He felt her grin back, and opened his eyes again. His arm reached under her waist to pull her tighter against him.

 

She gasped again, her back arched, panting for breath, and he felt the world catch fire as she came around him. She cried out, and without thinking he slid his hand from her waist to caress her face. Her heat, his heat-it didn't matter. He tasted the joy on her lips once more and when she slid her hand out from between them he took them in his mouth and tasted her too.

 

“Cum inside me, Ali.” Kaia begged.

 

“I'm not finished watching you yet.” He pulled out of her with a quiet grunt, and tried to lift her around so she was on top of him, but…

 

“Uh...I think we're tangled…” Alistair chuckled softly at his own confession. “Could you…”

 

Kaia's laugh at his blunder was music to him, and his smile and confidence grew. Together they untangled their respective limbs, and when that still didn't quite work, Alistair got up from the cursédly tiny cot, and helped her up so he could lay beneath her. He noted her eyes lingered on his dripping cock, and while he blushed a little, he felt more than a little pride as well.

 

Alistair sat back on the cot and reached for her. She was already moving to straddle him, and he guided her across his lap. He lined himself up with her dripping slit, and bent his knees to support her bottom.

 

At his urging she slid onto his cock. He started to lean back, but she held his shoulders to stop him. He leaned closer instead, one arm propped behind him for support, and just as he began to rut up into her she gave a last quick thrust of her hips, and seated him fully inside her.

 

Alistair, grunted deeply.  Abandoning all restraint, he reached his free hand behind her head and pulled her into a deep kiss. Her mouth immediately open to accept him, he thrust up into her. Steady at first, and then faster, faster, his need growing, pounding in his chest. He needed her, needed her to see how badly he wanted her. Both of them drove together frantic,  animalistic, panting, bodies shining with sweat.

 

Alistair broke his frantic kissing and they rested their foreheads together, breathing each other's air. The sound of her soft pants, and his growling grunts more intimate in the close space between them.

 

“Can you cum again, Kai?” Alistair’s eyes met hers and she saw the depth of his need to please her himself this time. She swallowed, and nodded, and he felt her change the angle of her hips just slightly. His next thrust up, he saw the muscles in her face relax, relief and pleasure glowed from her. This fueled his confidence and his thrusts came faster, harder. Her arms melted around his shoulders a moment before her whole body-core, arms, thighs, all of her- seized her pleasure with a loud cry. Head flung back, her beasts rising to his face he caught one of her tight pink nipples in his mouth and she pressed hard against him. Her cries were too much for him and with two more sharp thrusts he lost himself in her, spilling everything, spilling his maker-damned soul into her. He kept pressing even when he had nothing left to give, not wanting the feeling of being in her to end.

 

Kaia pulled her pieces back together leaned onto him, more gently this time. Their lips met again, tender, thankful. “I'm exhausted.” Her smile against him the only further praise he needed, he eased himself onto the cot, and she leaned forward to lay on his chest, both uttering a short intake of breath when he slipped out of her. Kaia pulled a soft folded blanket from the foot of the cot and wrapped it over the both of them.

 

“It might be more comfortable if I move to the ground, but I want to be selfish and stay so you stay on top of me.” Alistair brushed Kaia’s hair from her face and pulled her in for another kiss. He pulled back and his face suddenly fell serious. “I'm sorry I waited this long to tell you…”

 

“Don't apologize Ali. Not for this. We were both afraid.”

 

She brushed her nose against his with a quick flick that made him smile. She gave him a satisfied grin in return then nuzzled her head into the crook of his neck.

“Go to sleep Ali. No more worries until morning.”

 

“No more worries,” he replied, sleep already taking him.

Notes:

Except for some editing for POV and grammar, this scene is mostly how I origially wrote it. I have waffled back and forth over first person and third person POV. I still haven't decided which POV I like better.

When it does appear in the larger narrative, I think this scene will change significantly. And while this version is far from perfect, I am really proud of myself for this first attempt - so I thought I'd share.

Feel free to comment with constructive criticism, impressions, jokes, feels, full length critical essays from the POV of Ali's discarded shirt, or whatever your beautiful heart desires.

<3<3<3