Chapter Text
Lord Amble looked a bit like a friendly toad.
Not that Merlin dared to voice this observation to anyone, but he was overcome with the urge to put a bowl of flies in front of him rather than sliced pears. He doubted it would go over well. Amble was an old member of the court who had grown up with Uther. According to Arthur he left after the Great Purge.
“Was he a sorcerer?” Merlin had asked, helping the prince into his jacket. For some reason, the prat could never keep his collar straight so he would continually slap his hands away to fix it.
“You’re not allowed to do that,” He scowled after Merlin threatened to cut his hands off if he didn’t stop “And no, but he was a sympathizer. My father had to send him away.”
“But he’s back?”
“Only for a visit. He and my father were very close at one point.” Arthur shrugged “He’s visited a few times before – never for very long. Morgana adores him.” He rolled his eyes and Merlin felt his eyes brighten at that. Anyone who Morgana liked was generally good fun. Arthur must have sensed his excitement before he glowered at the servant. “Do not cause trouble.”
“I never cause trouble!”
“Lies.” Arthur muttered and absently tugged at his collar before turning away. Merlin made a strangled noise, but didn’t bother to try for a fourth time.
Lord Amble’s arrival had called for a lavish dinner. Uther wasn’t willing to have a feast, in fear Amble would say something controversial, so they settled with six-course meal that consisted of Morgana and Arthur joining the two older men. Merlin had hoped they would have other servants attend to the meal, but nobody stopped him from entering the room and setting the table.
“My!” Amble declared as he walked in. Merlin hadn’t been there when the royals greeted him outside, but he could already see Morgana grinning wildly as she led him into the room. Uther and Arthur trailed in behind the pair, both looking warily at one another. “You certainly have grown, haven’t you? You look very much like your mother.” He told her “A blessing and a curse.”
“Why is that?” Morgana asked, a smile dancing across her lips.
“A blessing because your mother was a true beauty, child. A curse because there are many men who will be terrified at the sight of your face.”
“Amble.” Uther groaned as Morgana laughed in delight.
“What of my mother could terrify these men?” She asked and Amble’s eyes twinkled as he took his seat at the opposite end of the table as Uther. Morgana sat to his right while Arthur took his father’s right. Merlin wondered where they had gotten a smaller table from rather than the usual long one they had for meals. This one was…Cosier somehow. He wondered if Lord Amble preferred it.
“Dear Vivienne was said to have a quick temper and an even quicker wit. I remember when she was perhaps your age,” He chuckled “Uther knew your father fancied her and tried to be a good friend by telling Vivienne all great things about your father. How brave and loyal he was. How he had never seen a man fight so well in battle – all lovely compliments from the crowned Prince.” Amble snickered and Merlin watched with fascination as the barest hint of red touched Uther’s face. “And Vivienne asked how long he had been courting him.” Amble snorted. Arthur coughed into his drink.
“Yes,” Uther said testily “It would seem as though Morgana has inherited her mother’s humor in that department.” He grumbled and Morgana beamed, patting Amble’s hand affectionately before serving herself some grapes. Merlin blinked and tried to subtly look over and see if Arthur’s goblet was empty.
“And now we have a new crowned prince!” Amble bellowed “Arthur, how are you? I think you came up to my elbow the last time I saw you… And were also very infatuated with peaches.” He added. Morgana scoffed. Merlin met her eyes as she peered from over her glass and tilted his head. She gave him a wicked smile that promised he would learn the story behind that comment later. The thought made him glow. Arthur, for his part, gave a small shrug which might be the closest he had ever seen the man to looking bashful.
“Ah, well I can promise those days are far behind me.” He said, putting down his silverware so he could fully divert his attention to the noble.
“He’s moved to apples.” Morgana said and Uther sighed.
“Morgana,” He warned, but was cut off by Amble’s laughter. Morgana shot a pleased look at Arthur. Merlin wasn’t sure he had ever seen her so happy during a dinner before. Arthur scowled at her before muttering something Merlin couldn’t catch under his breath. Luckily, no one else seemed to notice.
“Arthur is actually a knight now as well.” Uther prompted, getting the conversation back on track. He gave Morgana a small glare to which she responded with a shrug and went back to her pork.
“I’ve heard. You were only a squire last I saw. Tales have been told about you, Sir Arthur.” Amble nodded “You sound like a skilled fighter and a fair one. It is rare now to have such a combination.” He smiled and Arthur’s lips quirked a bit at the praise. “I would very much like to see a demonstration at some point.” He hinted and Arthur brightened. Merlin resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He would never dare say it, but the crowned prince could act a bit like an overgrown puppy when it came to swords.
“I’m sure one of my knights would be willing to duel.” He said. Uther took another sip of wine, probably to hide his pride. Wine. Right. This time Arthur’s cup was getting close to empty. He stepped forward, ignoring most of the conversation to make sure he didn’t spill anything. Again. Luckily, he managed just in time to hear Amble say Arthur had always had ‘such an attitude about him’ when he was younger. Merlin coughed, hoping it would hide his laughter. Arthur kicked him as he stepped back. The movement caught Amble’s attention, who looked at Merlin for the first time all night.
“By God, I’m suddenly a young man again.” He said, silencing whatever conversation was being had before.
“Amble?” Uther frowned and Merlin felt his chest tightened a bit at Amble’s attention. The rest of the table was now looking at him in confusion. Merlin wondered if he seemed as bewildered as they were.
“For a moment I thought…What is your name, child?” Amble asked. Great. He had done such a good job being invisible.
“Merlin, my lord.” He answered, hoping his voice didn’t betray the trepidation he felt. Amble looked him up and down critically before nodding.
“You look like an old friend, Merlin.” Amble told him and gestured towards the servant “Uther, does he not remind you of anyone?” He asked and when Uther stared back blankly, frowned “Come on. Think of the night you and Ygraine wed! What was your best wedding gift?” He hinted and Merlin felt like he had a right to be a little alarmed at all that could mean.
“The egg given to us by-” Uther paused before slowly turning to Merlin. “No, he doesn’t!”
“What do you mean he doesn’t!? They have the same face!” The noble argued and turned back to Merlin “Boy, where do you come from?”
“Uh, Ealdor.” He answered before swiftly adding “My lord.”
Amble gestured for him to walk over. Feeling a little annoyed at the turn, he took a few steps. He wasn’t sure who he looked like, but damn whoever was putting him in this position. Amble studied him a few more seconds, eyes narrowed slightly before slapping the table. Desperately, Merlin looked over to Morgana for help, but she was watching him with her head tilted to the side in interest. When their gazes met, the ward only offered a puzzled shrug in return.
“Well, I’ll be damned!” The old man crowed and tugged Merlin closer “How have you not seen it, Uther? The resemblance is uncanny!” He beamed, and reached up to ruffle the servant’s hair “Sorry, son. You look like an old friend of ours. Good ole’ Balinor. A member of court before Uther chased him away.” The man snorted and Arthur’s gaze jerked up. Merlin felt his heart drop. A member of court? Gaius and his mother failed to mention that.
“Balinor?” Arthur asked sharply and turned where his father was taking a sip of his wine “The dragonlord?”
Oh no.
“Hm,” Uther nodded and grimaced over where Merlin stood, having paled several shades. “I can’t say I see the resemblance, old friend. Balinor had a…” He gestured vaguely up and down “A sort of grace this boy could only dream of obtaining.”
“And longer hair,” The noble said, looking up at Merlin fondly “I still think they look alike…But maybe I am just seeing things I miss.” He sighed “Balinor was a good man.”
“A dragonlord.” Uther spat out “A man of magic.”
“Oh, please Uther.” Amble sighed and nudged Morgana “Your mother and Balinor were a riot together. The only man in the kingdom to match her wit.” He smiled. Morgana’s eyes widened as she glanced over to Uther to find the man silently fuming.
“Really?” She asked cautiously. Merlin tried to remember how to breathe. His mind was racing – Arthur had met Balinor only once. Surely had no reason to believe… His chest tightened more. Swallowing, he drifted back to behind Arthur, hands clenched so tightly around the pitcher of wine, his knuckled were white.
“Oh, yes. He was a daring man, Balinor. He was technically a noble himself – bloodlines are important for dragonlords. The ability is passed down from parent to child. But anyways, even as a noble he insisted on spending time in the lower town and living like a commoner. He had no qualms putting royals in their place. Do you remember when he called King Edgar a…What was it? A sack of rotten tomatoes mixed with horse dung?” He rolled his eyes “The man was creative with his insults.”
The words quelled Merlin's fear for a moment as interest rose within him. He had never asked about his father even after he hard learned who he was. Gaius and his mother seemed reluctant to talk about such things, and Merlin knew better than to push. Hearing Amble's excited words over the man he had known for a few days rose a bitter pang in his chest. He wished that he could sit down and enjoy the tales instead of fighting off the urge to run and hide at the mention of his father.
“Amble.” Uther interrupted “No more.” His hands were clenched around the silverware, gaze digging into the other man with raw anger. Merlin silently prayed he wouldn’t have to watch the execution of the one man who seemed to have decent memories of his father. Amble blinked, eyes watching Uther carefully before nodding.
“Of course,” He finally said “I heard of Balinor had been found only to lose his life. I’m very sorry.”
“That is not the issue.” Uther snapped “I sentenced him and all the others-”
“I’m aware,” Amble said “And I’ve come to accept it, but Uther. The man was a friend despite what happened later on. It is not a crime for you to feel something over his death.”
Merlin held his breath. Uther seemed to be fighting with a response his face turning a deeper shade of red before settling on giving Merlin a cold look. Merlin swallowed. God, don’t let him realize…
Balinor was dropped quickly after that. Morgana easily roped Amble into a different topic and everything slipped back into a typical royal conversation. Merlin went to check on Arthur’s glass again only to find the prince watching him carefully. His heart stuttered and he tried to remember to keep a tight hold on the pitcher.
Would he put the pieces together? Surely, not. Arthur had no real reason to believe that Merlin and Balinor had any connection. As dinner ended, he prayed the prince wouldn't mention it.
“Balinor didn’t seem very…Daring as Amble said when we met him.” Arthur proclaimed later that night because fate hated him. Merlin shrugged, folding his laundry carefully so the prince couldn’t see his face.
“He was older and had lived in a cave for a long while. I’d imagine that would change people.”
“Yet, he still agreed to help us… After being forced into exile.” Arthur clicked his tongue “I wonder if he had something back here.”
“In Camelot?” Merlin frowned and checked to make sure Arthur’s bath had cooled down enough before he got in “I can’t imagine what would have stayed untouched for so many years.”
“I’m sure he must have seen some reason to return.” Arthur said and Merlin felt a flare of annoyance well up in him. He tried to tap it down, knowing he was playing with fire.
“Perhaps it was simply for Camelot. Amble did say he and your father were friends once. Camelot had been his home. Sentiment might have been enough.” He answered, arms raised in case Arthur slipped while getting into the water. Sometimes it was hard to tell how drunk the prince was – he was the awful kind of drunk who seemed sober until something horrible happened.
“Perhaps,” Arthur hummed “That will be all, Merlin.” He added.
Thank God. Not that Merlin hated getting Arthur from the tub to his bed, but he wasn’t in the mood to extend this conversation. Giving a small bow, he exited the room and let out the tension he hadn’t realized he had been holding. Part of him wondered if he should alert Gaius to what happened or if it would only worry the physician.
No. It was over now. Nobody would mention Balinor’s name again, Merlin was certain of it.
“Why do you wish to know of Balinor?”
Or not. Merlin should have guessed it with his luck.
“I was sent to get him when Camelot faced the great dragon,” Arthur told Amble, holding out an arm to make sure the man was steady. Merlin trailed behind, silently cursing his luck as the pair walked around the west end of the gardens, far from where anyone else might overhead them. He supposed he should thank Arthur’s ability to keep a low profile. “When he died… I felt I have done a disservice to him.” The prince said and Amble gave a gentle smile.
“You’re a very kind man.” He said and sat himself on one of the stone benches. Merlin watched as the man met his gaze before shaking his head. “Well… I can tell you that despite what Uther may say, Balinor loved Camelot…And your mother. They were friends, you know.”
Merlin’s stomach twisted at that. He had just digested Uther and his father had known each other, but he hadn’t considered…
“Were they?” Arthur blinked “My father said most of her loved ones were in her homeland.”
“Certainly,” Amble agreed “Balinor was the first to befriend her here. He had a bleeding heart for every cause.” He shook his head “I think Ygraine might have been the one royal Balinor respected completely and without question. He trusted her completely… When she died...” Amble sighed. Merlin stood frozen, entranced by this treasonous conversation. Arthur swallowed, looking equally as torn. They were in the same position – Merlin yearning to learn more of his father and Arthur with his mother. “When she died Balinor hadn’t realized magic was involved. It was common for women to die in childbirth. He came to me to ensure the baby was at least okay. He wanted to make sure the last bit of Ygraine was protected. An old friend in the castle helped him escape.” Amble added, and Merlin wondered if he knew it was Gaius “At that point Uther had already killed six of the dragonlords in his realm and no doubt Balinor would be next.” He clicked his tongue and smiled warmly at Arthur “You do very much look like her. Balinor must have been pleased to see that.”
“I’m… Afraid we did not have much opportunity to speak.” Arthur breathed out “He never told me he was so close to my parents.”
“I doubt he saw a reason to.” Amble said and picked a flower from the bush beside him. They were silent for a moment before he added “I know it is treason to speak such goodness of a man your father condemned a criminal, but I believe it is important for you to know not all those your father slayed were evil.”
Merlin shifted uncomfortably. The words were everything he wanted to say to Arthur himself, but never able to. Arthur was kneeling in front of Amble, eyes searching his gaze before nodding slowly.
“Did Balinor have a wife?” He finally sighed “Did my father kill her too?”
Amble raised his eyebrow at the specificity of the question, but Merlin saw what he was doing. He clenched his jaw, trying to reason that he was just trying to figure out if he had a child. Not necessarily Merlin as a child.
“No, he never took a wife. There was one woman if I remember correctly… A peasant. She wasn’t from Camelot. She visited briefly to see her brother. That was all I really know of her. Ygraine knew something of it. I believe she even met the woman once in disguise,” Amble smirked “She mentioned the woman had a way with people – a way to look deep within their souls. I don’t think anything became of it. She left after a week, but I don’t think Balinor forgot her. He did say once that one day he might find her again and make a life. Young dreams,” Amble clicked his tongue and looked around. “I believe that is enough treasonous talk today, my boy. I did promise the lovely Lady Morgana I would show her my collection of trinkets from my travels.”
“Of course,” Arthur said immediately “Thank you for humoring me. I won’t tell my father of this conversation.” He promised and Amble hummed in acknowledgement, eyes settling on Merlin. For a second they stared at one another.
“Balinor’s eyes were brown.” He finally said “Still, I don’t know how Uther doesn’t see it.” He shook his head and Merlin offered a weak smile. He was definitely going to get beheaded.
“Why are you asking these questions?” Merlin said when they returned to Arthur’s room. He marched over to grab his armor, ignoring the prince’s eyes on him “Is Balinor really worth Lord Amble losing his head or the punishment you would receive if Uther knew you were having these conversations?” He demanded. He tried to keep his voice level, but there was no hiding how it shook at the end.
“I think Balinor had a child.”
There it was. Merlin closed his eyes.
“Why?”
“Because Balinor decided to come back to Camelot – perhaps he and that mystery woman had a child and he wished to return for them.”
“Arthur!” Merlin groaned and hit his head on the wardrobe before turning back to Arthur's armor “Amble just said he was friends with your mother! He even went to ensure your safety after she died. Perhaps he returned to Camelot for her. For you. Not some mystery woman’s child.” He snapped and tossed Arthur’s gauntlets at him. He waited to get yelled out for being so careless with the armor, but the prince seemed to deep in thought.
“Perhaps you’re right.” He sighed “But what Amble said a dinner last night… Power is passed from parent to child. What if it wasn’t me who slayed the dragon that day?”
“Oh? And I just happened to hallucinate you stabbing it in the heart?” Merlin told him flatly “Arthur, even if Balinor did have a child, what would you do? Tell your father to have them tracked down and killed? Probably me since I apparently look like the man.” He added because if he didn’t acknowledge this Arthur would likely get suspicious. Despite everything, Arthur wasn’t stupid. He would come to the conclusion eventually.
“I have considered it,” Arthur admitted and Merlin froze “You are the son of a peasant woman who never knew his father. You look like the man and you were by my side when the dragon was killed. You were also terribly upset about a man who you just met dying.”
“Forgive me for having a heart-”
“You also seem to share many characteristics from Lord Amble’s tales. I’m not sure if criticizing royalty is in a person’s blood or not, but if so-”
“Arthur,” Merlin interrupted and shoved his hands behind his back to keep them from shaking. “Please stop. You’re going to get me beheaded because I look like someone.” He said and at this Arthur’s eyes widened. Perhaps he heard the fear in his voice or saw how white Merlin had gone.
“I wouldn’t let that happen.” He frowned and Merlin sighed “I wouldn’t! Not if you didn’t commit a serious offense.” He added hastily.
“Being a dragonlord’s child sounds like a serious offense.”
Arthur’s mouth opened before promptly shutting.
He stopped asking questions about Balinor after that.