Archive of Our Own ^beta

I think it’s possible to build a house of facts, but the truth at the centre might be another realm entirely.

– Madeleine Thien, Do Not Say We Have Nothing

How lonely God must be.

– Angela Carter, The Magic Toyshop

Henry II: I hope we never die.

Eleanor: So do I.

Henry II: Do you think there's any chance of it?

- James Goldman, The Lion in Winter

***

The last thought she has before the dark settles in around her like a dome is that she saved him. She saved Finn. And once she wakes up, she’s going to tell him why she did it. She’s going to tell him how she feels. It’s going to be terrifying. Certainly more terrifying than flying straight into a cannon.

Rose smiles a blood-strewn smile. Her eyelids flicker shut.

Finn is barely conscious when he’s pulled out of the wreckage of his speeder. Poe sounds upset even as he’s dragging his weight towards the wall. “You’re lucky Rose was there, you idiot.”

Rose.

What happened to her? He saw her speeder skid off into the salt fields.

Finn wants to stay awake. But it’s so hard. He feels so tired. He tells himself that she is safe behind the wall. She got back in time. She must have.

She looks like a child surrounded by carnage. The soil has been ravaged red around her body, giving her wings.

His fingers twitch against his lightsaber.

He’s come upon her by accident, but he feels it might be fate. He is burning with rage. Luke Skywalker played him for a fool. Rey took off on the Falcon with the last handful of the Resistance.

And here lies before him one of their own. A fallen cadet, served to him on a silver platter.

He could shred her to ribbons and satisfy his fury.

She is still alive - he can sense her weak pulse through the Force. He searches through her mind to find out who she is.

Kylo Ren frowns. The fragments are unclear, yet recognizable. He can’t quite believe it. This is the rebel who saved FN-2187? The Stormtrooper who’s been a thorn in his side since the beginning? Kylo witnessed his suicidal chase first-hand. He was quite irked when he was pushed off-course at the last minute. The traitor would have certainly met his end, were it not for this girl’s sacrifice.

He digs deeper into her mind.  She seems to feel very strongly for this “Finn”. Does he return her simpering affection, he wonders? He could use it against him.

She also seems to know Poe Dameron and the rest of the Resistance’s leadership.

Kylo’s fingers grip his lightsaber. He stashes it away. He makes a choice. He calls a transport to fetch him back to the ship. He’ll take the girl with him.

Her mouth tastes like cotton. She needs water. She would sell her soul for water. Her lips part in supplication. Someone has to pour it down her throat because she has no strength to move.

Water, water, water…

Instead she ingests an awful-tasting paste. She coughs and wheezes, struggling to spit it out.

But a metal brace clamps her mouth shut, forces her to swallow.

She opens her eyes.

There is a blinding light above her. A medical droid is spreading bacta gel over her body.

Rose turns her head sideways and whispers, “Finn?”

But no one answers. She feels the lick of something cold and sharp against her mind. A foreign body, taut as an insect's needle, prodding at her insides.

The medical droid is still dutifully spreading the ointment.

She stares into the light.

Where am I?

When she wakes up again, she feels exponentially better. Her headache is gone, her limbs are fortified. She can even stand a little. She takes a few uncertain steps, noting her surroundings with trepidation. She has come to terms with the fact that this isn’t the Resistance. They wouldn’t house her in what looks like a glorified cell. There’s a bed and a modest ‘fresher and a small cabinet. Inside, she finds a First Order uniform.

Rose balks and almost crumbles to the floor. She remembers this uniform. She used it as disguise when she and Finn infiltrated the Order. Now, it seems to be part of her new reality.

But if she was captured, what happened to everyone else?

The question plagues her. Perhaps, right now, in the next cell, Finn and Poe and General Leia are all withering away. She feels tempted to shout their names, but maybe that would give her away. Maybe it would make matters worse.

She stares down at herself. She’s covered in stitches and bandages and little else. Rose reluctantly grabs the uniform.

What feels like hours pass in this strenuous state of mind before the door to her room slides open and two Stormtroopers signal for her to get up.

This is it, Rose thinks.

She’s got no weapon on her. Her precious pendant is nowhere in sight. They probably threw it away or destroyed it. She has nothing to protect her.

Rose feels a crawling sense of dread, but she forces herself to keep her chin up. If these are her last moments, she will not cower. She will not bow.

The throne room is slathered in red, as if blood has been shed on the walls - and maybe it has.

She passes a dozen somber guards holding aloft sharp scepters which are long enough to cut her from a distance. She advances towards the throne, where she sees him for the first time, the man they have been running from. She has heard stories of him and seen pictures of his mask.

But this is startling. He is young, too young. His skin is rudely marked by jagged scars that give him a coltish, unfinished look. Disparate emotions crowd on his face. His eyes glint madly, as if a fire burns ceaselessly within. Rose shudders. She was expecting someone older, more composed.

“I am sorry to disappoint,” he speaks coolly, raising a hand and pulling her forward easily.

Rose slides towards him, boots scuffing on the gleaming parquet. She would like to oppose the current running through her, but it’s as if opposing herself.

“Rose Tico,” he drawls, as she lands on her knees right before him.

“…Kylo Ren?” she asks in a tone that inspires more confidence than she feels. “Did Rey give you those scars?”

Her throat closes up and her spine stiffens painfully as invisible fingers grip her violently.

“You will address me as Supreme Leader Ren.”

She claws at her throat until he releases her. Rose dissolves into a short fit of coughing, trying to regain her footing.

“I did not save your pitiful life for you to waste it. Now, give me everything on the Resistance.”

Rose was expecting this. She spits at his feet, making sure to aim for his shiny boots.

“You’ll have to kill me.”

Kylo Ren inhales deeply, a vein throbbing angrily against his forehead. “Very well.”

She is uprooted from the ground, limbs flailing wildly in the air. The sensation is like a flight of death. She stares at the ceiling, waiting for her demise.

Instead, she feels that cold lick again, the needle wheedling at her skull. Rose grows still, her breathing shallow. The needle starts to hurt as it goes in deeper. She grits her teeth until her jaw begins to tremble.

A dark funnel of images darkens her retina. She recalls kneeling on the floor with Finn, feeling the weight of the Stormtrooper’s boot on her back, the singeing spark of the control baton close to her cheek, the helpless shrug of the vagrant who sold them out…

“I see…you know very little of actual use,” Kylo Ren concludes with resounding anger. “But I would like to meet this slicer who sold you out.”

It takes her a few moments to understand. He’s talking about DJ.

Before she can say anything, the doors to the throne room slide open and a tall figure struts in. Even from her elevated position, she can recognize the stern-looking ginger traipsing down the walkway. He was there when she was almost executed.

“You called me, Supreme Leader?” he barks officiously.

His eyes don’t even bother to look up at her. He must be used to such displays.

“Why did you let him go?”

“Who might he be, Supreme Leader?” the ginger asks unctuously.

 “The code breaker who got through our shields,” Kylo Ren clarifies in a deceptively calm manner.

The ginger hesitates for a moment. “We…cut a deal with him, Supreme Leader. He is a shifty character, not to be trusted. The idea of killing him did strike me, but we were pressed for time and he gave us what we wanted.” 

“Not kill him, you idiot,” Ren snaps, and the ginger suddenly drops to his knees by force. “Recruit him. Make him work for us. His knowledge is valuable.”

“Ah. I – I see.” The ginger is now struggling to keep his voice even as the Force applies pressure to his limbs. “We – we shall recuperate him.”

“Make sure you do, General Hux.”

Rose can’t say she feels sorry for DJ in that moment. It would serve him right to get caught after what he did to them.

Kylo Ren’s attention returns to her immediately. She feels it as a dark shift all around her. The needle prods against her scalp.

“You wish that man harm. You hate him for his betrayal.”

Rose clenches her teeth. Hate is a strong word. Is that what she feels?

“Would you be happy to watch him die?” he asks with a strange, demented lilt to his voice.

“N-no,” she manages to say, out of breath.

“We’ll see about that.”

He drops her to the floor with a careless motion, but thankfully, she has enough presence of mind to fold herself into a fetal position. Her limbs ache as she rolls on her back.

Kylo Ren stares down at her and his face looks sour, even as he attempts a smirk.

“Maybe I should let you torture the slicer. You rebels always pretend you don’t like inflicting pain.” 

Rose doesn’t have the strength to deny it, even mentally. But she’d like to. She’d like to say she’s a different sort of rebel. She’d like to tell him, if I had the chance, I would hurt you. I would kill you without hesitation.

Her sister used to say, “You talk a big game, Rosy, but you don’t have one mean bone in your body.”

Rose hopes she grows that bone quick.

The next few days pass without being registered as individualities. The hours slog at a snail’s pace as she measures the length of her cell. She makes up all sort of impossible scenarios in her head. One half of her hopes the Resistance won’t attempt a madcap rescue mission on her behalf. Their forces have been decimated and this sort of risky operation would only put an end to their efforts.

Another half of her, however, desperately wants to see Finn sneak on board the ship and unlock the steel door of her chamber. He will give her a wide grin as he removes his old Stromtrooper helmet and tell her he’s come back for her. She saved him, now he’s going to save her. It’s how these stories go, childish as it may seem…

From time to time she thinks she hears a soft laugh in a room nearby, but she knows it can’t be near. And she knows it’s not a genuine laugh.  It’s…the bitter amusement of a child. Laughing to spite. Kylo Ren is listening in on her thoughts.

 At least I have friends, at least I have people I care about and who care about me.  Even your mother can’t stand to see you, she thinks viciously.

Her knees suddenly go weak and she’s holding in her stomach, as if its contents might spill out. It feels as if a fist has been shoved down her throat.

She grits her teeth, tears smarting in the corners of her eyes.

Your mother hates you. She wishes you were never born, she screams in her head, making sure he can hear her.

Does Leia wish her son had never been born? Rose does not care. He shouldn’t have been born, anyway.

Her second audience in the throne room is as a spectator. She is only meant to watch as he personally executes Amilyn Holdo’s last remaining Gatalentan family.

An old woman with black metal teeth in her mouth – Rose wonders how she lost her initial set – and two men who look like brothers. They give nothing away. They are proud to die for the cause.

It’s a clean death by lightsaber. Kylo Ren doesn’t dwell on their warm bodies. He doesn’t torture them. He just severs their heads, one by one. His Jedi weapon looks like an angry red crater.

Rose is horrified, but the horror never quite touches her. It laps around her like a brackish pool. She never got to meet Holdo, but she knows the woman was a legend. And this makes her feel better. You can kill her loved ones, you can try to wipe out her legacy, but ultimately, you cannot kill the myth.

She doesn’t know if he can hear her thoughts, but she repeats them out loud all the way back to her cell.

She cries happy tears as she lies on her cot because Paige got to die on her own terms.

Her third audience in the throne room is solitary again. The Supreme Leader parses through her mind with an expression of boredom on his face. He doesn’t dwell on any happy memories - only painful ones. He likes to make her relive the moment she heard about her sister’s death.

Rose kneels in front of the throne, clutching emptily at her throat where the pendant used to be.  

“She died a pointless death because she opposed us,” he tells her after she’s done sniffing.

“Her death means everything, you coward,” Rose growls under her breath.

“She left you behind, though,” Kylo Ren insists, eyes flashing with triumph. “What kind of sister is she? She knew you had no other family. She’d rather play heroics than be responsible for you.”

The words sting in a different, unexpected way.

Rose looks up at him disconcerted. “She didn’t play heroics. She did her duty.”

“She abandoned you,” he persists without a twinge. “If she stayed with you, she wouldn’t have died.”  

Rose wipes away the cold remnant of tears.

“Yes, you’re seeing it now, aren’t you?” he continues with what she can only describe as impassioned monotony. “She betrayed you.”

“Betrayed me?” Rose echoes uncertainly. 

 He nods, staring in the distance, staring at someone. Rose almost feels compelled to look behind her.

 It doesn’t feel like this is about her, after all.

The words which come out of her mouth disappoint her. He doesn’t deserve to hear them. But she says them anyway. “She didn’t betray me. If you love them, you have to leave.”

His eyes return to her as if he’s not sure why she’s still there. He frowns.

“What kind of nonsense is that?”

“That’s life. It’s hard and it’s unfair, but it’s right. You wouldn’t know anything about it.”

“Your head’s full of Resistance drivel. Leaving is cowardly.”

“It’s not –”

“You accuse the First Order of brainwashing its followers, but you and your friends,” he spits the word with distaste, “delude yourselves much more.”

At least you admit it’s all brainwashing, she thinks, and he rewards her impudence with a tendril of fire against her scalp.

The new Starkiller Base is much like the old one, except instead of snow, it is covered in icy dust that never quite settles on the ground. There are three moons in the sky at night, and one of them is a strange plum color that makes her feel restless when it is full.

It’s been a month since Ren’s ship landed on the Base and she was sent to the prisoners’ quarter. She has to admit, the First Order keeps her on a tolerable regimen. They’re not inhumane to their captives; they prefer to graze whole planets and settlements instead of getting their hands too dirty.

She is not forced to work, but if she performs a certain amount of “voluntary labor” she gets better meals. It seems like a “fair” system to them. She is given menial jobs like cleaning and repairing low-grade machinery. Nothing too important. They don’t trust her that much. In fact, what she really does is help maintain the prisoners’ quarter.

She has not seen Kylo Ren since their last audience in the throne room. From what she’s managed to eavesdrop, he is hunting for the last scattered pieces of the Resistance.

There has been no signal from the Resistance either. She is learning to accept that. She doesn’t dream of Finn breaking her out anymore. She just dreams of him smiling at her, in a universe parallel to this one, untouched by its corruption. It’s enough.

Sometimes she dreams of her sister too. Paige lets her put her head in her lap and strokes her hair.

Her hair has grown long. Her sister used to cut it for her when she was a Technician, because it got in the way of her work. You can’t have ticklish locks falling in your eyes when you’re fixing a turbocharger.

But Paige isn’t here. And she’s not allowed scissors or anything that can be used as a weapon. Even when she braids it, the locks escape the elastic bounds. She looks both younger and older as she stares into her reflection in the mirror. It feels like ages since she saw a friend. She reaches out with her fingers and touches the mirror’s surface.

She pictures that Finn is looking in the mirror too.

“You’re actually quite good at this,” the officer drawls, bending down to the commutator’s level. He sounds almost peeved. He knows that most of his mechanics couldn’t have done a better job. On the contrary. “I should recommend you to Captain Phasma’s division.”

Rose wipes her oil-greased hands with a dirty cloth. She wants to reply in the negative. She doesn’t want to be an actual part of the First Order. She’d rather die. But something stops her. She looks up in astonishment.

“She’s alive?”

Last time she had seen the imperious Captain, she was trying to shoot her and Finn to death while her command ship was coming down. Rose had seen her fall to her demise.

The officer regards her with amused contempt.

“So you have crossed paths, I see. Our Captain is a survivor. She pulled through.”

Rose wonders grimly if the woman will seek revenge. The officer seems to guess her thoughts.

“Don’t worry, you’ve shown yourself to be moderately useful. Captain Phasma does not abide waste.”

Still, Rose goes to bed that night with apprehension in her belly. It feels like only a matter of time until Phasma will exact retribution.

She makes it her mission to practice vigilance in the coming weeks.

And yet, Rose is curious. Knowing where the enemy is is far better than wondering where they are. She offers to fix the helmet of the Stormtrooper who usually escorts her to the cantina and in exchange, he tells her that Captain Phasma is still recovering in the medical wing. Rose learns she is keeping abreast of her duties despite her massive injuries, and has moved most of her dutiful staff there.

“Don’t try anything smart. The wing is heavily guarded.”

Rose gives him back his helmet. The Stromtrooper is young. His face has not yet filled out. His eyes are almost kind. But he’s had any spark of imagination driven out of him. He will never rebel. He seems content with his lot.

“I’m not suicidal,” she replies with a twisted smile. Because the one time she kind of was, she ended up here.

It’s not that hard to get herself hurt. Some parts of the prisoners’ quarter are still under construction and there’s potential hazard in debris and loose scaffolding. Maybe it’s in her blood to be a little devil-may-care. Paige was just as reckless, deep down. Rose closes her eyes and hurls herself down from a metal vent.

She knows how to land; you learn how to crouch and roll for cover on a mining colony where petty theft is the modus operandi. But she fucks up her landing on purpose. She dislocates her shoulder.

 It hurts more than she thought it would. She cries out through clenched teeth. Eventually, someone hears her. When they lift her off the ground, she wants to tell them to leave her there. But goddamn it, she is not giving up yet.

She pads down the dim-lit hallway in her grey gown. Her bare feet leave foggy imprints on the cold floor. Rose holds her breath. She presses herself against the wall when she sees the service droid scanning the area in the distance. Most of the patients are asleep. This was the best plan she could come up with on the fly; if they find her, she’ll just say she’s lost, or looking for help because she’s feeling ill. They can’t say she’s looking for trouble. She’s dressed down in her flimsy wardrobe, no weapons, not even shoes.

That’s another thing you learn on a mining colony. Stealth sometimes means weakness, vulnerability.

It’s not difficult to find Phasma’s ward. It’s the most heavily guarded and the most well-lit. Rose can see the Stormtroopers and the medical droids through the glass parting. She stares for a while. She can see Phasma is awake. Her figure is blurred, but she is sitting up in bed, poring over a datapad. There is a tuft of bright blond hair atop of her head, like a baby animal’s. It sickens her.

Rose stands in her shaded corner for a long time. She thinks, will they shoot at me if I come out?

Maybe. But maybe Phasma will recognize her and maybe she’ll order the guards to stay their weapons. Maybe she’ll order them to grab her and bring her inside.

Rose doesn’t think she’ll be able to hurt her, and she isn’t sure that’s what she wants. She wants to talk to the enemy. She wants to look Phasma in the eye and tell her Finn is alive.

She takes a reluctant step forward.

I wouldn’t do that.

The warbled voice cuts through her ankles like wire.

Rose halts mid-step.

It’s not wise. She really will kill you.

Rose slips back into her shadowed corner. Her blood pounds in her ears. Her mouth is dry.

Is this real?

His voice brims with contempt. Of course it is.

Where…are you?

I’ve just landed, he informs her casually. Lucky for you, I make it a point to check on my prisoners.

You’re here?

I will have the guards fetch you, he replies in his usual unedifying fashion.

“You’ll be happy to know that I have caught up to the Resistance. Only a handful remains. I told FN-2187 I might keep you alive if he surrenders. Yes, he knows I have you. He seemed quite upset–”

Kylo Ren stops short. His eyes wander disconcertedly over her small figure and quickly look away. He coughs, clears his throat and walks stiffly to the throne. He sits down with a thud. He glowers at the guards.

“Where are her clothes?”

The Stromtroopers let go of her and take a step back. Rose pulls the frayed edges of her robe closed. She did not have time to put on her uniform as they dragged her to the throne room. The thin grey gown is visible underneath.

“This is how we found her, Supreme Leader,” one of them replies warily.

“You didn’t have to bring her here like that,” Kylo Ren lashes out petulantly. He appears highly offended by her informal apparel. Rose is satisfied. She’d flaunt herself naked if it made him angry enough.

The guards make to remove Rose from his sight, but the Supreme Leader stops them both with a wave of his wrist. The Force has them pinned to the floor.

“I did not tell you to leave.”

He raises his forefinger and Rose is pulled away from them. She glides softly towards him.

“You seem to have a death wish, sneaking up on Phasma like that.”

Rose stubbornly stares at the floor. Her hair is a curtain. It reaches past her shoulders and protects her from his turbulent gaze.

“You shouldn’t have interrupted me,” she replies with the old spark of stubbornness.

Kylo Ren is dissatisfied. “Did you hear me about FN-2187?”

She shrugs, as if it’s all the same to her, but she’s shivering underneath her gown. She doesn’t want Finn to surrender on her behalf, but the thought of it makes her treacherously happy.

Kylo Ren scowls. “Don’t count on your savior yet.”

He rises from the throne with an impatient sweep of his robes. He stands in front of her, a towering, graceless god.

“I don’t like your hair like that,” he says with quiet menace.

Rose does not catch the sequence of his movements. It happens so fast.

He may be a lumbering giant, but he wields his saber with striking, delicate precision. Not an inch more, not an inch less.

The fizzing red flames erupt with a thunderous drone. He holds liquid fire in his hands, it would seem. The lightsaber almost touches her shoulder, knighting her.

Rose should feel afraid, but feelings become mute agony and all she can do is stare into the endless fire.

Kylo Ren leans forward and grabs a chunk of her hair. He twines the locks around his gloved fist. Though the flames are irregular, his dispatch is not. He cuts through her hair like smoke.

The locks fall to the ground soundlessly. The smell is almost pungent.

Rose has to muster all her strength to keep upright.

He extinguishes the lightsaber without preamble. The throne room is eerily silent.

Oddly, her shoulders feel free now. The cool breeze on her back is comforting. She realizes that he did what her sister used to do; give her a haircut.

Kylo Ren looks down at her. Her face is now bare to him. He is sizing her up like a scrupulous aesthete.

Rose feels she has nothing to lose at this point, so she stares back and says, “Thank you. I guess I needed that.”

His brow crinkles momentarily. He wrinkles his nose.

“Remove her,” he orders the guards.

Rose looks over her shoulder as they drag her away.

Kylo Ren sits down on his throne. At his feet she can see her dark locks of hair.

Starkiller Base groans back to life now that the Supreme Leader has returned. She can see more activity, or at least the pretense of it. Everyone is trying to appear as busy as possible. Their Leader is terribly volatile; they must not give him any reason to be cross.

Rose finds the whole thing sort of funny, in a bleak way.

She spends her days fixing basic appliances and rerouting old networks. She also debates with herself a great deal: she doesn’t want Finn to sacrifice himself for her, after all. She wants the Resistance to survive. She’s just one cog in the machine, but the spirit of their endeavor must survive.

She doesn’t want to die, but she doesn’t want to live in a world where Kylo Ren is the sole arbiter.

He may be a cruel homicidal monster, but what is really terrifying about him is his untested youth. He hasn’t cut his teeth yet. He is just getting started.

He checks on her from time to time, but the fire against her scalp is only a kindling now. He does not expend as much energy as before. His mission of setting the galaxy right must be taking up most of his time, she thinks sardonically.

But it is odd to feel him there sometimes -  on the tip of her shoulder - like a blade waiting to be culled.

She is about to climb up on the speeder. The Stromtroopers are driving her to the other side of the Base to help with some underground repairs.

Your boots are loose, he tells her lazily.

Rose stares down, nonplussed. It’s true; she hasn’t sealed their caps properly.

She crouches down. What a strange thing to notice.

Later in the day, she is wiping sweat from her brow and climbing down the elevator shaft with the tool kit around her waist. It weighs her down like shackles. She wonders if she should throw herself down again. She wonders if she’d survive. Her shoulder still twinges sometimes.

The tool kit slides off her hips quite suddenly. It drops into the mesh of metal slats with a clang.

It feels like a helping hand. It also feels like a threat.

You are not free to choose your death, it seems to say. 

She doesn’t feel his presence. No kindling, no fire. No whisper. She’s not sure.

 “Rose…p-pretty, pretty Rosy…” DJ croons with broken teeth, grinning madly.

“Silence,” the Supreme Leader commands and flattens him to the floor. “I won’t kill you yet. You may prove useful. Isn't that so?” And he addresses the question to his prisoner.

Rose sits on the steps below his throne. He did promise that she would be present for this.

She does not like staring at the pathetic wastrel who betrayed her, but she is satisfied to see him bleed a little. If it had not been for him – many things might have happened.

DJ is still grinning.

She clenches her fists in her lap.

“You’re not s-still mad, are you, Rosy?”

She hates that he is sullying her sister's nickname for her. 

“Because of you, we lost good men and women,” she tells him in a cold fury.

“Nah. No one’s really that g-good. I mean, look at y-you. Didn’t think you’d end up w-warming the enemy’s bed,” he spits with a little venom and a little wink.

Before the Supreme Leader can punish him for such a preposterous insult, Rose jumps up from the stairs. She launches herself at him.

Perhaps it’s the fact that she has been powerless for months, but she enjoys sinking her nails into his smug face.

It’s Kylo Ren who has to eventually pry her away with the tug of the Force.

DJ coughs blood on the floor.

The Supreme Leader stares at her with a twisted sort of approval.

She realizes, belatedly, he must have wanted her to lash out, must have planned it all by having her sit so close.

Rose stares at her red hands.

She goes up to the throne and wipes them on the hem of his long, billowing robes. Then she sits down again.

She feels bad about DJ when she thinks about him later. She feels stupid for feeling bad. He’s alive, after all. He’s going to have a long career in the First Order.

She rubs her sore fists. She feels like a feral animal. She wishes she was gifted the Force. At least a small morsel. Then she wouldn’t have to use her fists. She thinks, how can you waste something so precious?

She would never use the Force like he does. She would create new things, she would heal people, she would build homes–

Oh, quiet, he berates her loudly. You want the Force so you wouldn’t need to use your fists. That was your first thought. Admit it. There's nothing noble in that.

Rose presses the heels of her palms into her eyes. You don't know what it's like being powerless.

The Force can easily make you powerless. 

Then I hate the Force and I wish it didn’t exist, she lashes out in annoyance.

Yes. I wish that too sometimes, he replies evenly. There is something chilling in his tone.

What do you mean? You’d wish it gone? But you are-

A Sith, he finishes for her. That is the path of the Sith. The first lesson. The Force is not noble, and it should not exist.

Rose sits up on the cot. It should not exist? Who taught you that? Was it Snoke?

Kylo Ren laughs, and it stick to the back of his throat. He sounds both young and sure of himself. He was not a true Sith Lord.

They talk intermittently throughout the nights, she half-asleep, he, awake and impatient. It is not really a dialogue, more like a divided soliloquy. Rose talks to herself, he preaches about the ways of the Sith. He lets her know that acquiring the Force is not that hard. These communications they share, they contaminate her with the Force, whether she likes it or not. It is true that he is the one controlling the channel, but his efforts overflow – they spill the Force onto her.

But I can’t do anything with it myself, she muses gloomily. 

No…but you feel it and that is enough.

Says you. I can’t even block you.

You would have to work very hard to do it, but you would fail in the end. Only another Force user can block me. She has –

He stops short. Like a radio transmission cut off abruptly.

Kylo?

There’s silence for a long time. She does not feel like calling out his name again. Saying it once was enough.

But she knows who the other Force user is.

Is it Rey…? Has she blocked you?

She can hear the soft whirring of the comlink on the wall but nothing else.

Did you two talk like this? she asks, trying to keep her breath quiet in order to hear him. She’s stumbled upon something important.

He does not answer, but she knows he is listening. She goes on, emboldened by the weak thread of communication between them.

I think you did talk like this. You must have shared things. It must have been less lonely.

That’s when she feels the tongue of fire. He has not punished her in a while.

Rose takes it, shutting her eyes against it, receiving a kind of confirmation.

Rose harbors this secret, tends to it like a weak garden plant. Of course, it makes sense that Rey and Kylo would be curious about each other. She knows so little about it, though. She only heard the stories aboard Raddus, Leia’s flagship. Laszlo used to tell her about it when he was in a better mood. How a desert-born wisp of a girl defeated Leia’s powerful son in battle on the old Starkiller Base. How she is said to be a Jedi, but a totally new kind. She is not a Knight, she is wild and untrained. But she is their weapon against the First Order. Laszlo said that Leia can't kill her own son, so this girl will do it instead.

Rose has never met her, has never even seen her. But Rey exercises a certain kind of fascination on her. She imagines it’s the same – perhaps more so – for Kylo Ren.

She keeps asking him questions about her, hoping he’ll bite.

Is she younger than you?

 Is she better than you?

 Is she more powerful?

Is she beautiful?

She must be beautiful, especially when she uses the Force.

She can feel his anger and yearning pulsing through her at the mention of her name.

But he doesn’t silence her, not entirely, because he craves to hear about Rey, even from an indirect source.

Do you hate her? she asks one night, turning on her side. She clutches at her throat where there is no pendant anymore.

Do you love her?

…Paige used to say they can be interchangeable, but I doubt it. 

And for the first time in days, he answers her. His voice is worn out, overused.

She does not hate me.

Rey? How do you know?  Rose asks eagerly.  

Silence.

That’s good, isn’t it? Rose tries half-heartedly. That she doesn’t hate you?

She pities me, he replies, cold and barren and funereal. 

Rose frowns.

She wants to save me, he spits out the words like hard pits.

Oh… Rose does not know how to process the information. She does not think Kylo Ren could or should be saved. Something tells her he does not want that either.

 You want her to join you instead, she realizes, startled by her own intuition.

It leaves her speechless. He doesn’t bother to deny it. It is the truth at the center of things.

It’s not long after that.

 One morning she’s woken up and told that she and a handful of prisoners are being shipped off to Novum Coruscant. She blinks the sleep from her eyes as they drag her onto the tarpaulin. Her mind feels empty. She can’t connect the dots.

“Novum Coruscant?”

“The new capital. Rebuilt from scratch,” the Stromtrooper tells her. She used to fix his helmet. And now he is pushing her down a small corridor into the lower quarters of a transport ship.

“I don’t want to go,” she says, tongue heavy in her mouth. She is afraid of leaving a place that has become somewhat familiar to her. Novum Coruscant sounds terrifying.

“Not up to you, I’m afraid,” is the reply she gets.

“What’s going to happen to me?” she asks in a sudden fit of panic.

“Nothing worse than here,” the Stromtrooper tells her with a tilt of his head and Rose is momentarily shocked by the duplicitous remark. She reminds herself that Finn used to be one of them. She feels bad she did not get to know him, did not get to know any of them. But the enemy is always halfway a stranger.

The Stromtrooper is right. Novum Coruscant is hardly more intimidating than other large planet-cities in the Mid Rim territories. Since it is a planet-capital and only at the beginning of its colonization, the housing developments, merchant bazaars and administrative towers are still scattered across large swathes of open fields. The rest of the prisoners disembark at the farming outhouses on the edge of one such field. But Rose is not allowed to go with them.

She is taken instead to one of the towers in the middle of the city.

It looks grey and simple set against its taller, more sumptuous duplicates. Only the gleaming red bier at the top lets the casual visitor know that something of import is taking place inside. This is, in fact, one of the Supreme Leader’s new residences. 

The inside is austere, simple and expensive. There is little comfort or warmth, but every surface gleams with wealth. She can see her reflection in every piece of furniture. The guards take her to a room on the mezzanine. She can see a large expanse of the city from her window. There are no uniforms in the sleek drawers, only a variety of daily garments. The bed is queen size and the bathroom is larger than her old home on the mining colony.

Rose discards her sweat-stained travel uniform and turns on the tap. She fills up the giant tub until it overflows. She dives into the water with her eyes already closed. She wraps her arms around her knees and curls in a fetal position. She sits underwater for a long time, until her skin prunes and her throat burns.

When she finally emerges, she finds a household droid is waiting for her in the doorway with a fluffy towel.

Rose laughs to herself.

Is this what Rey could expect if she were to join Kylo Ren?

Is this how he would try to persuade her?

It might work.

It isn’t clear to her what’s happening. Kylo Ren does not show up for a month. She spends her days trying to hack into the comlink system. She exhausts herself by exploring each floor. She is only allowed access to a limited few, but she leaves no corner untouched. She is not permitted to go into the city, but Rose is not too broken up about it. Novum Coruscant feels desolate and empty, populated only by silent subordinates. It is a sunless version of Canto Bight. It also rains constantly. Her windows are strung with beads of water.

She lies on the bed and thinks about the birthday escapade she’d planned with Paige a long time ago.

When you turn 21, we will use all our savings and sail to the edge of the Outer Rim and we will find the missing planet. And we’ll plant our flag there.

The missing planet. A bedtime story their mother used to tell them, about a secret place on the edge of the known galaxy, hidden away from greedy eyes, open only to the pure-hearted. It was erased from the old archives. She would know – she used to be a cartographer before their home system was conquered.

“You will only be able to find the planet using these,” she told them, handing them each a piece of the moon pendant. “They are the keys to your future.”

Rose and Paige had promised never to lose their piece. They’d actually believed the fairy-tale.

Rose clutches her empty throat. She is twenty-one today.

She eventually stumbles upon his training grounds. They are located in a vault underneath the main floors. The walls are padded and the doors reinforced. If you screamed down here, no one could hear you. Despite this, she does not find it all that intimidating. It’s stocked with all sorts of weapons, ranging from Praetorian Blades to Wookiee Bowcasters. There is one Bowcaster in particular that has been hung on the wall above the others, like an artifact, but it is still stained with flecks of dry blood.  She also finds a number of battle and protocol droids that are out of service. They have been dumped here to live out their retirement in perfect oblivion.

Rose almost calls out when she comes across the perfect replica of a familiar face. It can’t be.

“C-3PO?”

The droid looks exactly like the one aboard Leia’s flagship. The same golden sheen, the same outdated iridium cast. The same annoying worrywart who claimed to be specialized in human-cyborg relations, but who was probably more human than a lot of the people she had met.

It can’t be a coincidence. Rose goes up to him and starts fiddling with his controls. He shouldn’t be too hard to activate, but it takes her a good ten minutes.

When his eyes finally flash awake, she takes a wary step back.

The droid stares at her for a long moment.

“Hello?” she tries.

His joints groan as he attempts to move his arms. “Oh…dear….where am I? What has become of me?”

It is the same fretful, accented voice.

Rose bites her lip. “Do you recognize me?”

“Well, of course I recognize you. You are Mistress Rose Tico from the Technicians' division. You were last seen with ex-Stormtrooper Finn FN-2187 who is part of the Rebellion Squadron 4521 –”

Rose interrupts him. “So it is you, C-3PO! I thought you might’ve been a replica.”

“Pardon me, Mistress Rose, but I can hardly be replicated. Some of my functions are unique to my programming.”

“But what are you doing here? How did you get captured?”

That is when C-3PO looks around startled. He visibly flinches. “Oh, dear. Where are we, exactly? I only remember the flagship being attacked by a First Order fleet and then…well, I ran towards the General but she was floating away into space…I could not catch her…”

C-3PO flails his arms miserably in an attempt to reach Leia. 

Rose heaves a sigh. She lowers his hands and brings him up to speed in the gentlest way she can. The protocol droid is so alarmed when he finds out that he is now under Kylo Ren’s jurisdiction, he nearly collapses on the floor.

“It’s okay! At least I found you. We can help each other,” Rose assures him.

“I do not know how we are going to get out of this,” he moans, moving his head stiffly. “General Leia will be so worried.”

Rose checks his hard drives, but the First Order excised any relevant information on the Resistance. She finds it odd they didn’t scratch his memory completely. Then again, if C-3 was sent to Ren’s private quarters, perhaps the Supreme Leader needs him in some capacity or other.

Or maybe this is Kylo Ren’s mausoleum where he keeps all his broken toys.

Rose shudders inwardly. What does that make her?

Twack! Twack!

“Mistress Rose, I highly discourage this course of action.”

She’s forgotten how nosy C-3PO can be, though he means well. She wipes the sweat from her brow.

“Do you wanna fight him instead?” she pants.

“Certainly not! Such a savage machine,” C-3 tutts, drawing back.

Rose parries the hit on her left side, but she misses the droid’s swift counterattack. The wooden stick flies from her hands and she lands back on the mattress.

Rose raises herself on her elbows. The droid advances on her with the blade. He is in combat mode until she tells him to shut down. And she is not willing to do that yet. She’s got her pride, after all. Yes, she kind of sucks at fighting, but she is nothing if not determined. She reaches for her wooden stick just in time to block his low swing.

C-3 still makes disapproving noises from the other end of the room, but she ignores him.

She is not going to waste the training grounds, is she? And no one told her she couldn’t train.

Paige had taught her some basic defense moves when she was younger, but she is badly out of practice.

The fourth time she falls back on the mattress, she has tears in her eyes. She hates that she’s so small, that the world is so big, that weapons cut through flesh.

She tells the combat droid to shut down.

C-3 patters to her side.

“Are you all right?”

Rose turns on her stomach and sinks her face into the mattress. “No.”

It rains everywhere; in the city, in her head. She has not seen the sun in days, weeks. The sky is like rotten milk. She sits by the window with her knees tucked to her chest. A few cruisers whizz past the tower, but traffic is light, almost imperceptible. For the first time in years, she thinks about her father. He used to drive one of these cruisers, used to deliver goods to all the families in the neighborhood. Her mother’s father was displeased Thanya had married a simple blue-collar worker. But Hue Tico was the kindest man in the world. When he was happy, he showed it by singing and dancing with his girls. He moved his whole body to some rhythm only he could hear, and when he made a joke, “his belly filled up with laughter”, as Thanya used to say.

He went on his last delivery on a rainy Tuesday. Rose remembers the rain. He walked out of the house that morning and never came back. Thanya was told that her husband had simply left her. A patent lie. Hue would have rather died.

So many men disappeared after their system became a colony. Especially those who lived on Hays Minor. Thanya left the girls at home and traveled to Hays Major to seek answers. She never got them.

Their mother fell prey to a bout of crippling depression. She could hardly stand up. She lay in bed all day. Paige and Rose had to store up their father’s belongings in boxes and hide them in their room. It was too painful otherwise. They both got jobs in the mines, even though their mother had forbidden it. But with their father gone and their mother laid up, there wasn’t much they could do.

“Pae-Pae, do you think Tata is still out there?” Rose would ask as they dragged their satchels down the lime roads.

“If he is, he’s doing everything he can to come back to us,” Paige told her with a soft, watery smile.

Rose scrunched up her nose. “Shouldn’t we go find him instead? Maybe he’s waiting for us to rescue him.”

She still remembers the shadow in Paige’s eyes. “We’re just kids, Rosy.”

Rose hits the window pane with her fist. They should’ve tried anyway.

Even if they were just kids.

She stares at the liquid metropolis. Maybe her father is right here, maybe he’ll drive past her window.

C-3PO bends down with the tea tray. The cups are steaming.

“I thought you might need something warm.”

She smiles up at him. “Thank you.”

They sit together for a time and Rose feels less lonely. C-3PO tells her stories about the past, his friend R2, the mysterious Obi-Wan Kenobi, their adventures on Tatooine. 

Rose has heard variations of these stories before, but never from one of its sources. She listens, enraptured.

C-3 is in a talking mood, so he reaches farther into the past, to a time before Luke and Leia. It is foggy and distant and mesmerizing.

“Oh, I remember sitting like this with Senator Amidala in a different Coruscant. The rooms are the same….We would wait for Master Anakin to come home from the Jedi Council. She would run up to him on the landing and he would embrace her so deeply. I am sorry, I do become sentimental sometimes.”

Rose feels a cold kiss on the ridge of her spine, someone else's ghosts burrowing in her skin. She shakes them off.

“Master Anakin…You mean –”

“My maker, later known as Darth Vader,” C-3PO informs her without so much as a pause.

“It was Darth Vade who made you?”

“He built me from scratch, yes.  Lovingly, I might add.”

Rose taps her fingers against her cup. “It makes sense now why Kylo Ren would keep you here in mint condition.”

“Master Anakin was a good man. He was seduced by the Emperor only because he was devoted to his family. He …he loved his wife very much. Too much, perhaps.”

Rose remains quiet. These histories are too complicated for her, too intimate.

“Master Ben,” C-3 hesitates. “He was not happy when he uncovered the truth of his bloodline. General Leia tried to tell him about Anakin, the man behind the mask, but the boy was more interested in the machine.”

It takes her a moment to realize whom he is talking about. Rose sits up.

“Wait, why was Kylo - why was he not happy?”

C-3PO heaves a dramatic sigh. “He thought he was destined to follow in his grandfather's footsteps and die a painful death. He thought he should have been told earlier. He was…torn apart by violent urges. General Leia believes Snoke was already exerting his influence by that point.”

Rose frowns. “I don’t understand. They kept Darth Vader a secret from him?”

“They tried.”

“Whose bright idea was that?”

The droid chuckles. “Certainly not mine. I – I always condone the truth, you see. I know I have often behaved less than honorable in the past, but –”

Rose leans forward. “Whoever says that about you probably doesn't know you very well.”

C-3 coos delightedly. “There is no need for compliments, but thank you.” 

Rose looks out the window. “I wonder why they tried to hide it from him. My mom’s father – my grandfather. He was a proud bastard who considered most people and creatures beneath him. Mom never hid that from us.”

“I think,” C-3 began gently, “and pardon my blunt conjectures, that General Leia and Master Han were not ready for a child like him.”

“Not ready?”

“They thought he would grow up to be like Master Luke. When he started exhibiting a lack of control, they grew scared. They sent him to Master Luke, but I’m afraid that did not help.”

“So, he couldn’t control his powers, is that what you’re saying? That’s not his fault, though.”

The droid hesitates. “The Force is mysterious to me. But I tend to believe we assign it some degree of character. Hence, if Master Ben could not control himself, it meant that he was… tipping over to the Dark Side. It meant his character was perverted.”

Rose frowns. “That’s a pretty big leap, isn’t it? They used to call us vermin on Hays Minor because we didn’t look or act like the ruling class. But that’s just surface stuff. It doesn’t determine who you are.”

Though his face cannot express anything too poignant, C-3 looks melancholy for a moment.

“I suppose it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. They feared he would become like Darth Vader, and he did.”

“But you said Anakin was a good man,” Rose reminds him.

C-3 seems lost for a moment. He picks up the tea tray. He always needs to make himself useful. “Yes, I remember it like it was yesterday. We were sitting just like this, waiting for Master Anakin.”

Thwack!

She feels the sting on her shoulder and whips around to strike back.

The droid is applying the maximum of possible strength. Rose falls to one knee trying to push back the blade. It is so close to her face, she can almost feel its sting on her cheek. But she won’t give in yet.

“That’s bad for your knees.”

The familiar voice makes her falter.

Before she can turn around, he’s snatched the blade from the droid’s arm and snapped it in two.

Rose falls on her butt inelegantly.

Kylo Ren towers over her. He’s dressed down in loose pants and a dark shirt that exposes the length of his sinewy arms. It’s a lot to take in.

She does not know where to look, so she stares at his feet.

“You– you’re back.”

“Get up,” he says, throwing the wooden stick at her. He occupies the space around him as if he's always been there. “If you’re going to fight, do it right.”

Rose squints at him. “You’d be willing to show me?”

“Follow my lead.”

She scrambles to her feet clumsily and holds the stick in front of her, eyeing him warily.

Kylo throws her a critical look. “Your defense stance is atrocious.”

He comes up behind her and plants his foot between her open legs, making her lose her breath slightly. He jabs two fingers into her spine.

“The center has to be unmovable.”

“What does that even mean?” she demands.

“When I push, you don’t move.”

“Wha-”

He presses the two fingers into her spine and Rose almost stumbles.

She straightens up, humiliated.

He jabs her again and she visibly glides forward. She grits her teeth. “Stop that.”

“Then don’t move.”

He prods her a third time and she remains relatively still.

“Do you know why you fail?” he asks calmly.

“Let me guess. It has to do with the Force,” she drawls, annoyed.

Kylo comes up in front of her. He points to her balled fists on the wooden stick. “It’s your arms, actually. You’re not using them right.”

He places his fingers on her bare elbows and lifts them up.

Rose wants to shake him off. “Are we gonna fight or what?”

He raises a dark eyebrow. “Don’t be too eager.”

They walk back to the mezzanine together, flanked by his guards. Rose can barely see where she’s going, there’s so much sweat in her eyes. To say he wiped the floor with her would be a kind approximation. He did not use the Force, he did not even use a stick. He beat her with her own stick. She is annoyed that he is a good fighter even without his genetic inheritance. She supposes Master Luke trained him well before…well, before.

 Still, she’s the size of an ant when she stands next to him, so it’s not a fair fight, as she lets him know.

“Size has nothing to do with it. You should use your smallness as a strength.”

Rose wrinkles her nose. “My smallness only comes in handy when someone needs to clean the air vent.”

“You can sneak up on the enemy more easily,” Kylo persists. The sweat glistens on his arms. She looks away.

“Right. That's before or after he steps on me? Of course you will never have to worry about that, because you are the size of a mountain.”

“There are bigger things than me in the galaxy. And they can be defeated.”

“You admit there are bigger things than you?” she half-teases. “That’s not very Supreme Leader of you.”

She can almost see a flash in his eyes, something both menacing and mischievous. But it vanishes all too quickly.

She wants to stop feeling weird around him. She shouldn’t have listened to C-3PO’s stories.

“How long are we gonna stay here?” she asks tentatively.

“We?” he scoffs. “I will come and go. You’ll stay.”

Rose bites her tongue. “Why?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” and he sounds too smug for his own good. “It’s the perfect trap for your friends. They think they have more chances of getting to me and saving you if we are on an unprotected planet-city rather than on the Starkiller Base. They are wrong, of course.”

“Oh,” she exhales, feeling stupid. It’s a trap. That’s what it is. She doesn’t know why she didn’t figure it out sooner.

“They’ll try to infiltrate the tower and I will finally catch them and crush them for good.”

Rose glances sideways at him. "Are you sure about that?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

“Are you going to crush Rey too?”

It is the wrong thing to say. He yanks her by the arm painfully and slams her into the wall before she can muster a single word.

“You are useful to me. Pray that you remain so." 

His fingers sink into her flesh like teeth. She knows they’ll leave a mark.

Rose glares. “Why don’t you use the Force to torture me? It saves time.”

He lets go of her immediately. Rose does not fall on her knees. The training is working, after all.

Later, she sits with C-3PO and licks her wounds dejectedly. The droid applies salve to her arm.

“You should not have provoked him,” he remarks.

“He shouldn’t have provoked me.”

There is a commotion at the door. The guards move aside to let him in.

Rose jumps up.

“So it’s true,” Kylo Ren starts furiously. “You took it upon yourself to restore him.”

C-3 cowers behind her, muttering a thousand “oh dear’s” to himself.

Rose unconsciously takes up the defense stance he taught her. “What if I did? He’s not hurting anyone, least of all you.”

“He is mine, not yours.”

“Master Ben –” the droid beseeches in a reedy voice.

The object of his supplication turns pale as chalk at the mention of his old name. Rose can see the chilling recognition in his eyes, accompanied by swift hatred.

“Kylo,” she rectifies quickly. “You mean Master Kylo, don’t you?”

“Y-yes,” C-3PO stutters. “Yes, Master Kylo. Apologies for my thoughtless mistake. I am at your service.”

Kylo clicks his jaw. He takes a step forward. He looks around the lounge almost resentfully.

“Have you settled well?”

Rose frowns. “What?”

“Are the rooms tolerable?” he repeats stiffly.

“They’re better than a cell,” she responds. “Do you want me to thank you, is that it?”

His lips purse into an almost childish pout and it’s strange how feral and innocent he looks in that moment.

“Don’t let him fill your head with nonsense,” he points at C-3PO.

“What kind of nonsense?”

But the Supreme Leader turns on his heels and walks out without another word. She feels like she is playing a game she cannot hope to win.

Several nights later, she feels the tendrils of energy trying to seep through the latches of her mind.

She is dreaming of Canto Bight.  She is reliving a memory. She and Finn are riding the Fathier and he has his arms locked tight around her waist. The night breeze washes away their fears. She laughs without a care in the world. Finn scolds her. She shouldn’t be enjoying this. But she is. Ever since she was a child, she always grasped at whatever little happiness she could. She has her father’s laugh in her belly.

They disembark on the promontory. The sea ripples into winged waves behind them. The Fathier deposits them between the tall bean stalks. The tassels tickle her cheeks. 

She turns towards Finn with a hopeful smile. Maybe he also feels what she feels in this moment. Maybe it’s contagious. But it’s not Finn standing next to her.

Kylo Ren stares up at the Fathier with a curious look on his face.

“I’ve never seen one this close,” he says, his voice murky and inchoate.

“What are you doing here?” she demands, and her voice sounds just as indeterminate. As if they are deep underwater.

Kylo does not answer. He reaches out with his hand to touch the Fathier’s mane.

The animal shies away at first. Rose has to quiet him. She pats him on the nose.

“He won’t hurt you. Will you?”

Kylo shakes his head, as if that’s the farthest thing from his mind.

The air shimmers with silk. The stalks bend low in the wind.

The Fathier’s eyes are soft and grateful.

Kylo scratches him behind the ears. Rose keeps her hand on his nose. They both feel the warm blood underneath.

There are search lights above them, their moon-stroke flashing back and forth, looking for something that does not exist. They are not really here. This is not real.

Rose unclasps the Fathier’s saddle.

 “Go,” she whispers. “Go.”

They watch the animal disappear into the night.  

“He promised he’d bring me one,” Kylo says, his voice losing strength with each word.

The dream is ending. She does not get to ask, who.

She wakes up in a cold sweat. She feels angry. She feels betrayed, as if she was expecting a poisoned cup, but was served sweet wine instead.  

She wipes her mouth. He didn’t even apologize for his previous outburst.

Just because you can’t get in her head, doesn’t mean you have the right to –

She opened the channel, his voice rasps softly in her ear.

What?

Rey. She let me in again…briefly. By accident, I believe.

Rose sits up in bed.

Did she say anything?

No. She shut me off when she realized I was there. But she slipped up.

He almost sounds hopeful. Rose hates that she is his confidante. She gathers the covers to her chin.

You think she’ll let you in again?

I will remain vigilant.

What will you tell her if she does?

Kylo hesitates. What do you think I should tell her?

“You’re asking me?” Rose asks the question out loud, too stunned for words.

Well?  he drawls petulantly. There’s no one else I can ask.

I’m honored to be considered, she replies scathingly. But I have no answers for you. I don’t know how you can make her see your way–

I don’t want to force her. She is meant to come to me willingly.

Yeah, well. You have to wait for her to make the first move then. She can’t believe she’s actually having this conversation with him.

Your great strategy is to wait for what you want? Pathetic.

Rose scowls. Fuck you.

It feels so good to finally say it. She’s been meaning to cuss him for ages. 

What did you say?

Fuck you, she repeats with absolute relish. Fuck you and your stupid obsession. I hope Rey tells you to go fuck yourself.

That’s enough. His voice lashes at her skin. The tendrils of Force pin her to the bed. The cover slips away from her body. She doesn’t put up a struggle. She lies quite still in his remote hold, breathing through her nose harshly. She doesn’t know what it is about the way he manipulates this energy, but it never leaves her indifferent.

The next few days are tense. He is always waiting for a sign from Rey. And for some reason, he requires Rose’s presence by his side, to anchor him. She doesn’t like it, but she’s curious. The more she is allowed to see his weakness, the more she craves it. She just doesn’t know how to use it against him yet.

They eat together in his private chambers at the top of the tower.

The plates are heaped with exotic foods and strange herbs, but Kylo barely takes a bite. Rose fills up her plate, though she hasn’t got the stomach for it either. In her household they never wasted food.

“Pass the salt?” she asks.

Kylo lifts his fingers and the shaker floats easily from his end of the table to hers. She catches it midair.

“Thanks.”

C-3PO issues a warbled cough behind them. Rose turns her head.

“You okay, C-3?”

“I…yes. I am all right. It’s just memories, they come and go.”

Kylo rolls his eyes emphatically. “Silence him.”

Rose glares from her end of the table. “Leave him alone.”

But he is no longer paying attention. He is seeking out Rey, making sure she finds him open.

Pathetic, Rose thinks, echoing his own words.

A few moments later, Kylo drops his knife on the plate.

“Come on. I could use a fight.”  

They go down into the vault. 

Rose is happy to fight him. It’s just that he’s not in any state of mind for a real match. He is slow, unnatural, unguarded. Normally, she wouldn’t be able to touch him with the wooden stick, but today, she lands a strike on the side of his ribs.

He doesn’t even feel it.

She strikes him again against the knees. Nothing. She jumps on the balls of her feet and hits him squarely in the chest.

He canters to his right, looking completely lost. He raises a hand to his head. His eyes are glazed over with pain.

Shit, what did she do?

“Kylo? I didn’t hit you that hard.”

His eyes flash to her. He grabs her shoulder, sinking his fingers all the way to the muscle. She gasps.

A new vista opens up in front of her.

The training grounds seem to melt into a different room. There’s a bed in the center. There’s a young woman sitting on the edge of the bed and she is naked except for the binding around her chest. Her skin is glowing. A dark-skinned man wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her back down. He kisses the side of her throat.

So that’s Rey, she thinks dumbly. She’s beautiful.  

Rey flutters her eyes shut in pure contentment. Finn covers her body with his and she laughs against his mouth. It’s a lovely sound. They melt into each other as the room disappears.

She is reeled back in the cold vault. Every breath hurts her lungs.

“Finn,” she says weakly.

“Rey,” Kylo echoes just as softly, just as deadly.

He looks ready to destroy a planet, maybe a whole galaxy, but there will be nothing triumphant in that destruction. He’ll destroy something just so he does not have to feel this blow.

Rose turns away from him. She does not have room for his hurt. She has her own. She feels tears smarting in her eyes. Of course Finn was always in love with Rey. How could she not see it? He had been so desperate to find her, to protect her. He had almost put the whole Resistance in jeopardy. And Rose thought she stood a chance? What kind of fool was she?

They stand like that, two fools who should’ve known better.

The thing is, when she closes her eyes, she sees only the two of them locked in that happy embrace. She sees two bodies that belong together without any space in between. There is no oxygen in the room. She claws at her throat. The pendant is missing. She has nothing.

She doesn’t want Finn to come and save her. She doesn’t want to see him. She doesn’t want to go back to the Resistance. She wants to be buried in this mausoleum.

In the following days, Rose hears the First Order suffered an embarrassing military defeat at the hands of a small force of rebels aided by a herd of Kybucks on Kashyyyk. It was only a skirmish so it should not count for much. Still, it must have affected the morale of the troops if it’s trickled down to Novum Coruscant. General Hux was heard blaming the ill judgment of their Supreme Leader.  

She has not seen him since that day in the vault, but she knows how he feels, and she hates that she knows. Unrequited love is a simple idiom.

They are jilted lovers who never got to feel much love.

She stands on the terrace with her hand stretched out. It’s not raining anymore. Instead, water has crystallized into ice. It’s snowing. It seems wherever they go, The First Order are greeted by winter.

But Rose prefers it. The city is shrouded in a soft net of pearls. What is ugly and bare is tucked away. She wishes she could do the same with the truth.

She’s too young to feel that life has passed her by. This is only heartbreak, she thinks. It will heal.

Pae-Pae would know what to do. Pae-Pae would hug her so tight. She’d say, “that idiot boy doesn’t deserve you”. And Rose would smile because it’s a lie, but it’s a good one.

They eat together in uneasy silence. She doesn’t ask about Kashyyyk.

“Pass the salt.”

He makes the shaker float towards her. It takes him very little effort to do it, but it might be the most beautiful thing he can do with the Force. She watches the object’s gentle movement through the air. She wishes she could tell him to keep it there, arrested mid-flight.

Salt spills on the table. She remembers Crait and the sea of salt. She remembers the red bruises left by those who could not make salt float.

They do not look at each other, but they’re both thinking the same thing.

It’s too quiet in the room. Too still, too precise. This is how she knows he’s there.

She opens her eyes. She expects the tendrils of energy, the sardonic voice in her ear.

She gives a start when she sees him in the flesh. He is sitting in a chair by the window. Through the slats in the blinds she can see his lightsaber perched on his knees. He is staring at her.

His face is hollowed out, but there’s an intensity about him that has nothing to do with the Force.

“Hey…”

“I should kill you,” he says by way of greeting. “It would show him. It would punish them.”

Rose sits up slowly. Her hair falls into her eyes. It has grown long again.

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” she replies hoarsely.

“They would feel guilty. They’d never feel happy again.”

“Is that what you want?”

He nods and his fingers fall on the lightsaber.

“Then why haven’t you done it already?” she asks, steeling herself against all possible outcomes. She’s not afraid of dying.

“I couldn’t do it while you were asleep,” he replies in a strange fit of honesty.

Rose shakes her head. “I can’t sleep anyway. I keep seeing them.”

Her mind is easy for him to survey and his face curdles in disgust. “Don’t.”

“I can’t help it. You put those images in my head.”

“They will pay.”

“They’re in love.” Rose shrugs. “You can’t force them out of love.”

“I can make them suffer.”

She makes a disapproving sound. “You’re just being selfish. You want Rey for yourself. I want Finn to be happy. And if his happiness means being with her, then so be it.”

Kylo gives a strangled laugh. “You’re lying. You’re just as selfish as I am. You want him for yourself.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No. I’m nothing like that–”

” If you hadn’t risked your life for him on Crait, you would not even be here,” he cuts her off. “You threw your life away for someone who will never want you.”

His words cut deep, deeper than she thought was possible.

“You don’t know anything about sacrifice,” Rose murmurs to herself.

He laughs again, more crudely. “You’d be surprised.”

She slips out of bed. She grips the edge of her nightstand, groping in vain for a weapon. “At least Finn cares about me. You said it yourself, Rey only pities you. And whatever you do, even if you capture her and force her to stay with you, you’ll always be miserable. She’ll never be yours.”

The air bristles with electricity.

He ignites the lightsaber and advances towards her.

Rose is ready. The flames are not so terrible anymore. She’ll welcome them if she has to.

He’s only a few breaths away now. The red blaze lights up her features, makes her skin tingle.

Kylo Ren stands before her, ready to anoint her. He lowers the saber until it is level with her throat. The warmth is unbearable.

He waits. He waits for her to lean forward, to make it easier for him.

Rose stares at his hand. It is shaking imperceptibly, but it will not fail. He will kill her if he must. The flames dance before her eyes.

She could make it easy for him. But she doesn’t.

She reaches forward blindly. She doesn’t know if she’ll cut off her fingers or find him instead. It seems like a vast chasm to cross. It goes on for miles and miles.

But her fingers land on his giant’s paw. She presses down on his thumb gently and firmly, and a moment later, the lightsaber shuts off.

She can breathe again.

In the ensuing silence, Kylo relinquishes the weapon to her. It falls heavy in her palm. She holds up one end, and he holds the other. They stare down at the commonality, the thing between them.

“Your lightsaber is so different,” she marvels quietly. 

“I know. I didn’t want it to look like a lightsaber.”

“Oh. That makes sense.” And maybe it does. It’s part of the self-loathing, the self-denial – the Sith path.

 “I do know about sacrifice,” he tells her thickly. “Snoke told me to choose.”

“Choose what?” she asks patiently.

“Han or Leia. Or he’d take both.”

Rose blinks disoriented. “What – what do you mean?”

Kylo only stares at her.

Comprehension dawns on her a moment later. “No.” Her eyes widen in horror. “He made you choose who to kill.”

“I knew Father was strong enough,” he rasps indistinctly. His words are barely above a whisper.

Father. He must not have said that word in a long time.

“I think he understood at the end why I did it,” he adds as they turn the lightsaber in their hands, the murder weapon.  “He gave me permission.”

Rose blinks away the moistness on her eyelashes. “I’m sorry.”

“What for? I did it, anyway. I almost killed her too. Mother.”

“But you didn’t.”

Kylo shakes his head. “I can never return to them. I don’t want to, not after this. Do you understand?”

Rose can’t form much of a response. But she knows she would not return either, if she were in his place. She nods mournfully, tears spilling against her will.

Her hair falls over her eyes.

He pulls the wayward locks away. Rose feels his cool fingers on her cheek.

“I told you I don’t like your hair like that.”

He wrenches her face towards him, lifting her from the ground until her feet barely scrape the floor. His breath falls on her lips.

Rose closes her eyes. Maybe this image will replace all the others. Maybe everything else will be washed away.

The lightsaber clatters to the floor between them.  

He steps back, releasing her. He runs his hands through his hair.

“What’s wrong with me…?” he asks no one in particular.

He picks up the weapon from the floor and leaves the room, almost as if he had never been there.

Rose sinks down on the bed.

She had the lightsaber in her hand. She had it right there. If she had pressed the button, the flames would have gone through him. She could have killed the Supreme Leader and freed the galaxy of his rule.

But he made sure she never could.

She asks herself over and over, just like him, What’s wrong with me?

Snow crawls down the side of buildings like tear tracks. The sun has broken through the clouds for the first time in weeks. The city slowly melts. It smells like fresh earth. Rose feels an indescribable hunger. She wants to get out of this place.

And it seems her wish is granted.

 She stares up at the sky and sees smoke. Suddenly, the debris of a blazing ship pierces through the planet’s shield.

She calls out to the droid.

“C-3! What’s going on up there?”

“I do not know. Oh, dear. It doesn’t look good! But Master Kylo must be handling it personally. I saw his personal ship depart not minutes ago.”

Rose points to the sky. “That’s not his personal ship, is it?”

“I – I don’t think so.”

Fear burrows deep in her gut. What if it is his ship? Maybe he’s dead. Maybe what she did not manage to accomplish the other night has been accomplished for her.

She looks at the droid. “We have to get out of here, C-3.”

“We can’t! There are guards posted everywhere, not to mention a whole squadron of -”

“Then we have to make it sound like Kylo ordered us to follow him on the flagship. They won’t have a problem with that, will they? They’ll just deliver us to him.”

Miraculously, it works. The Stromtroopers are too afraid of the Supreme Leader’s rage to question the veracity of her assertions.

“He will be furious when he finds out we were left behind. The fact that you haven’t already taken us to him is only going to make matters worse,” she warns them balefully, half-believing her own words.

C-3 confirms it with his usual mixture of fear and caprice. “The Supreme Leader will certainly wreak vengeance upon us all.”

They are boarded on a transport ship without much delay. Rose watches the tower dwindle in the distance.  She feels like she has left something behind there. The smoke is closer now.  She can see that several ships have punctured the planet’s shield. She does not recognize them as Resistance ships. In fact, if she weren’t mistaken, they look like... A pirate fleet?  It would need to be someone rich enough and morally bankrupt. 

“The Kanjiclub,” she expels in one breath.

The notorious crime organization, the terror of the Outer Rim.

“What are they doing here? They never get involved in political warfare.”

“Unless there is a bounty involved,” C-3 reminds her.

“But who –” she stops short. “Where did the Resistance get the money to hire them?”

C-3 squeaks as the whole ship gives a loud shudder. The pilot barks something incomprehensible as they suddenly dive straight into the smoke.

Rose holds onto her armrests. She can’t die like this. Not without knowing where he is, what has happened to him.

Kylo? she calls out in her head.

When they finally fly out of the smoke, they are immediately bombarded by laser shots coming from multiple directions.

“It’s not just the Kanjiclub!” C-3 yelps. “They have united with the Guavian Death Gang. Look! That’s their seal on the ships!”

He is right, of course. The red skull with a dark circle for a mouth precedes their reputation.

The First Order retinue posted on Novum Coruscant has been surrounded by two crime organizations, neither of which ever thought to defy such a power before.

Rose clenches her fists and tries again. Kylo?

“He’s not answering.”

“Who isn’t?” C-3 questions her.

She shakes her head. They must get to him somehow. But there is only disorder in the sky. The flagship looms large and unmovable in the distance. It will be difficult to get to it without getting captured. The ship is suffering hit after hit from the two gangs, but there’s nothing the First Order can do without reinforcement from Starkiller Base.

What if that’s the point? What if it’s a distraction?

Rose unclasps her seat belt and runs to the cockpit.

“Take us out of the stratosphere!” she urges the pilot. “The Supreme Leader is not on the flagship!”

“My orders are to take you to him –”

“Yes, I gave you those orders previously and now I’m telling you, he’s not there. His personal ship has left the planet’s stratosphere.”

“How would you know that?” he quarrels.

“Because this whole thing is a ruse to keep everyone else busy! He’s after the Jedi, Rey. That’s all he cares about. And she’s out there, just beyond his reach.”

It feels painfully ironic to admit it now. She doesn’t dwell on it.

She doesn’t think she’ll survive this anyway.

Rey is beautiful in her righteousness, but her fury is not like his. It is not an amalgamation of wants and desires, lacks and absences.

She feels complete. Self-sufficient.

She launches herself at him without restraint because she knows he is not worth stopping for. Kylo parries each hit mechanically, hoping to catch her eye. Their lightsabers sizzle together, but her look is vacant. She does not dwell on him. He is already a ghost from the past she must overcome.

Is there nothing left between us? he asks her silently.

“You should have turned when you had the chance,” she tells him with the self-assurance of the light. “But you’ve done so much damage to yourself and others.”

He almost doesn’t recognize this new fierceness. The cadence of her voice is unperturbed. Who has given her this confidence? That traitorous Stormtrooper she beds?

Rey bares her teeth and cuts a sharp X across his chest, tearing into flesh. Blood stains his tunic. Kylo strikes back and makes a cut against her thigh. But she has got the upper hand. She wields the saber with a brilliant, remorseless art. What makes her so strong?

He sharpens his senses and he fights to stay upright. He can hear her breath in her throat, the errant beat of her heart and then - He hears something else. 

A second heartbeat inside her.

The shock makes him falter.

Rey hits him with the heel of her boot and he crashes to the floor, bloody and broken.

She is pregnant. His lightsaber slips from his hand.

Rey stands poised over him. “I’m sorry it’s come to this. But I know you. And you won't let this go. I can’t let you hurt my family.”

My family.

Kylo closes his eyes. He cannot bear it. Another generation. Another tainted legacy, Jedi begetting Jedi. Will she also send her child away? Why do people do such hurtful things to each other?

“Stop!”

The voice startles them both.

He thinks he must be seeing things, the aftermath of losing too much blood. Rose Tico appears in his line of sight. She carries a blaster with her. She cannot be here. He left her down there –

“Rose? Rose! You’re alive! We were so worried!” Rey cries out, lowering her lightsaber an inch. “You need to come with me. The gangs will ensure us a safe passage –”

“I will, but you have to leave him alive.”

“What?”

“Let him live and I’ll come with you.”

"But Rose -"

"You bested him. You won. Leave it at that."

“But – I have to finish this. You don’t know him. He won’t stop until – until he’s destroyed everything.” Rey lowers her arm protectively over her stomach. “I feel the hatred in his mind. It won’t end here.”

Rose raises her blaster at Rey. She stands over Kylo in the defense stance he taught her.

“I’m doing this for your sake too, Rey. You’re not a killer. Put away the lightsaber and we’ll leave together.”

Rey frowns. She stares intently at Rose. She can feel them, the tendrils of energy. They taste different, they taste like the sun. But the sun burns when it shines too bright.

Rose pushes back against her influence. “Stop that.”

“I’m not trying to hurt you, Rose. I just don’t understand.”

“It’s simple. We have to leave, now. Starkiller Base is sending reinforcements as we speak. We don’t have time. Let him go.”

Kylo does not hear Rey’s reply. He is losing blood too quickly. The Force is keeping him alive, but only just.

Moments later, Rey is running in the opposite direction.

Rose’s face hovers above his.  

“Stay safe,” she whispers.

The last he sees of her is the dark tongue of her hair, whipping behind her as she runs after Rey.

(as Paige used to tell her and as she told Kylo once before, sometimes you leave. even if. even if.)

She didn’t manage to take C-3PO with her, that’s the story she tells the Resistance.

But in truth, she left the protocol droid there with a mission.

“Take care of Master Ben. He’ll need you.”

And not for the first time in his long existence, C-3 said he would do his best.

Finn wraps her in bear hug. She feels too tired to put her arms around him, but she buries her face into his shoulder. He is real, and yet she feels her body might go through his and not leave a mark.

She never thought she’d make it back.

“I knew you’d make it. You’re braver than all the rest of us put together. And I probably owe you my life.” Finn ruffles the top of her hair.

 Rose swats his hand away. “You owe me a lot more.” She doesn’t mean the words to come out bitter, and they don’t - not to him. But she feels ashamed.

She forces a smile. “I hear congratulations are in order. You were keeping busy while I was serving my time with the First Order.”

Finn blushes guiltily. “I thought of you every day. I felt so bad I couldn’t do anything to help you, it was the worst feeling in the world–”

No, you don’t know about the worst feeling in the world, she thinks.

“It’s okay, Finn. I’m just messing with you. I know you did the best you could. I’m happy for you.”

He grins excitedly. “To make amends, I’m gonna name my daughter after you. I promise. ”

Rose feels a pang in her chest. “I guess that’s fair.”

“I just hope we don’t have to fight again too soon. I was going insane trying to keep up with Rey. I couldn’t make her stay away from the battle. Better luck talking to the porgs.”

“She is pretty stubborn,” Rose admits, staring across the hall where Rey is being showered with attention by General Leia and a bevy of female officers. “She will make a good mother.”

When their eyes meet across the hall, Rey’s smile dims for a moment and then lights up even brighter.

Yes, looking at her is looking at the sun, Rose thinks, yearning for her moon pendant. 

Rose learns how the Resistance managed to buy off the two gangs to help them with the blockade.

“It was sheer luck. We intercepted a freighter with a shit-ton of ammunition. Belonged to an arms dealer. We looted the bastards and gave the bounty to the gangs," Poe admits with a self-conscious shrug. "Not our proudest moment, but we all have to cut corners sometimes." 

Rose gets the sick feeling that DJ was right about the world, after all.

Poe brings her up to speed as they charter their destination to Naboo.

The regent planet has become the new Resistance Base. The Gungans have recently joined their cause. They still remember Queen Amidala’s blessed reign and have risen up in her name against the First Order.

Rose nods peremptorily, following the sequence of events with a level of weary detachment. She no longer inhabits this world, she doesn’t know why.

She joins in the celebrations on Naboo half-heartedly. This is their first major victory against the First Order. The royal palace looks like a brilliant jade in a crown jewel, its many shades of green reflected in the vast pools and fountains overflowing the alleys and passageways in and out of the main city. It is a beauty to behold, but she feels nothing. This piece of Paradise leaves her cold.

She lingers by the lakes. She sits alone on the marble terrace, looking out at the small islands in the distance. She recognizes the symptoms; her mother’s depression after the loss. After Hue was taken from her.

She walks down to the beach and draws figures in the sand. She draws her moon pendant, the half that was hers, the half that she lost.

She won’t name it, won’t name the feeling exactly. Won’t put her finger on it because it might crumble. It’s enough to feel the sand between her fingers.

A few months later, baby Rose is born to the happy parents. Finn proudly shows her off to anyone who has not yet met her. She’s got her mother’s inquisitive eyes and her father’s strong nose. Leia laughs when little Rose pulls on her elaborate braids.

“This one will be a handful,” she predicts.

Auntie Rose takes the child from her. Leia wipes a small tear from the corner of her eye.

“Oh, I remember what it was like.”

And she doesn’t say anything else, but Rose understands. She wishes she could tell her that her son is not lost, not entirely.

But Ben Solo can never return. She understands this too.

She turns twenty-two when The First Order attacks Naboo. They have managed to regroup and double their forces, but the Resistance is also prepared to retaliate. Both sides have more allies now.

Rey and the baby have been sent to Kashyyyk, begrudgingly. The mother is still convalescing and the baby needs her. This time, Finn managed to persuade her to stay away from battle.

Still, everyone is afraid Kylo Ren might pursue her and the child, so they have formed a blockade across the Expansion Region.

Rose has chosen to remain on Naboo and see the battle from the ground. She spends her time with the Gungans, whose language she is trying to learn. She helps them prepare for battle and she tries to find purpose in that.

She is in the underwater kingdom when the First Order strikes. She is celebrating her birthday with the Gungans. They are singing happy birthday to her in Gungan when the ground above them starts to shake.

The First Order hits the planet in the middle of the night. They have come prepared with death cannons.

Everyone scrambles to their feet. Rose sits at the table for a moment longer, waiting for the second small earthquake. Only afterwards does she run to her station.

The Gungans are preparing to remain underwater if there is a siege. The Resistance agreed they would be the surprise attack, should things go south. They must sit and wait.

Rose deftly navigates the submarine between two willowy reeds. She narrowly avoids a colo clawfish who is wading through the water, in search for food. The fish seems to wink at her as she floats past him.

Her co-pilot, Usala, dozes in her chair.

It’s quiet. Too quiet. Too still.

Rose runs her fingers over the back of her neck.  The ridges of her spine are inflexible. Nothing can get in, nothing can get out.

And yet, tendrils lick at her skin.  

Kylo?

The alarms suddenly go off across the ocean expanse. The Gungan horns.

Usala sits up with a yelp.  “Attack! Time for battle! Misa must be ready!”

It is indeed the signal for the Gungans to come to the surface.

Are things going so poorly above? she wonders.

The fastest route is down the drainage system exiting through the main palace pool. As she approaches the surface, the sounds become louder, more grotesque, distorted by water. She hears screams.

A cannon whooshes past their submarine, performs a rotation and slams into them, hitting their left wing.

Rose tries to keep the controls straight, but the engine flounders. More cannon balls whoosh through the water.  She steers towards the surface desperately.

Usala pulls her away from the controls. They have to abandon ship and swim for their lives.

Usala drags her by the hand, but she hardly needs to. The water recedes before them like a living creature. It is a strange sensation. Like being poisonous. Nothing wants to be near you. 

The palace pool is almost empty when the two of them wade out, soaked to the bone.

“Where did the water go?” Usala asks in Gungan.

The palace plaza has been stormed by AT-ATs. Soldiers fight on the ground and in the air. But no one and nothing is hitting them. The pool is the one spot which has not been attacked.

Rose steps out of the fountain shakily and climbs down to the steps.

Usala signals up.

"Enemy!"

There's a ship in stealth mode right above their heads.  Sometimes, in order to be covert you have to be vulnerable. 

Rose shields her eyes from the sun. The jade palace shines like a beacon behind her.

Poe doesn’t understand. He thought he did, anyway. The Supreme Leader has issued a demand; he will offer them a reprieve if what is his is returned to him.

Poe thought the sycophant was talking about Rey. But he isn’t so sure anymore. He must know by now she isn’t here. And shouldn’t he be able to sense her through the Force?

What else does he want from them?

Usala has never seen a sight like this before and she has lived a relatively long life for a Gungan.

The enemy ship flies close to the ground, so close it stirs the water at her feet.

The hatch opens. She can see a dark figure holding out his hand to her human companion.

“Rose!” Usala calls her name. “Misa stop!”

Rose hesitates only for a moment. She takes his hand.

The man pulls his robes around her, brushing off the water, and they both disappear inside the ship.

C-3PO remembers it like it was yesterday. Senator Amidala waiting anxiously for Master Anakin’s ship to land. Always fretting that one day he would not return. She’d always run outside to greet him and he’d always hold her to him against the city backdrop. It never failed to move him.

Yes, he grows sentimental in old age.

He sees the ship land. Mistress Rose and Master Kylo come out together. He holds his robes around her, guiding her towards the entrance.

His scars have multiplied, his face is gaunt. But his eyes are calm and full of peace as they stare down at her.

(she’s shivering. she must get rid of the wet clothes. he takes them off for her, fingers clumsy when they must be gentle. she wants to laugh at how far they’ve come. he cups her cheeks. “you’re here,” he says inflexibly. “i’m here,” she says and touches the new scars on his face. he closes his eyes. it’s like they never left her room that night.  when he kisses her, he doesn’t stop. she winds her arms around his neck as he lifts her into his arms. he holds her tight, he drinks every breath, but she learns to cope. she has been underwater, she has been among the stars, she has been everywhere. and she wants to be here most of all)

(she maps the mortified ‘x’ on his chest with her fingers and tongue. he makes her come on his mouth and watches her hair spill out behind her like a dark wave)

He still disapproves of her hair's length. He decides to braid it, the way he used to do when he was a young padwan. Rose lies with her head on his chest.

 “When you said the Force shouldn’t exist, what did you mean?” she asks all of a sudden.

“What prompts this question?” He twines one strand of hair against the other.

“I just remember you told me once that it was the first lesson of the Sith.”

“Mm. It is simply that. The Force is impure. You have to fight in spite of it, not because of it. The Force is not your friend. It cannot save you.”  

“Then what is the Force, in the end?”

Kylo Ren turns her head to him and smiles the first genuine smile she has ever seen. “This.”

And he kisses her silent.

“I have something for you,” he whispers in her ear as she is about to fall asleep. “I found it in the salt next to your body. I don’t know why I kept it all this time.”

And in the weak light coming from the window, the half-moon dangles before her eyes.

Returning home. Her pendant. 

It can’t last like this. They can’t wait on Novum Coruscant like sitting ducks. Sooner or later the Resistance will catch up to them. They are growing stronger every day.

Whereas the First Order is breaking apart without leadership. General Hux is running a mutinous faction and Captain Phasma has fled to Dantooine with a faithful division of Stromtroopers.

And where, in all of this, do they fit?

They can’t be saved. In fact, they must run from salvation.

There is no home for them.

Where will they go?

The answer comes to her unexpectedly. She takes out the moon pendant and holds it between them like a talisman.  

“There is a planet beyond the Outer Rim. No one knows about it. It has been wiped out from the archives. It’s been kept a secret from the world. It’s open only to the pure of heart …I thought it was a bedtime story my mother used to tell me – but maybe she knew we would need it someday.”

Kylo takes her hands in his. He grasps the moon pendant.

“Where you go, I go.”

Rose grins. It’s like Paige used to say, Rosy will never settle down until she has one grand adventure.

When they ask little Rose how she got her name, the girl looks up at her mother with a question mark.

Rey smiles in fond memory.

“She was a brave rebel who fell in love with the stars.”