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Dennis stared at the darkness in shock, the glint of light seeming so far away it was closer to a fading memory than reality.
They had turned their backs on him.
The ones that were supposed to understand him better than anyone else, had scowled in disgust as they ripped him from the light and threw him into the shadows. They ridiculed and judged him and looked at him as if he was beneath them.
They called him undesirable.
Dennis hands clenched and he felt the sting as his nails dug into his palms.
Dennis was the first protector. He was born to keep Kevin safe. It was his entire reason for being.
Dennis knew how to disappear from Kevin’s mother’s sight. He knew how to keep everything clean and orderly and just the way she wanted it so that, at least for a few hours, she could forget Kevin was there. For years, he kept everything perfect and Kevin was safe.
Sometimes, though, even perfect wasn’t enough. Dennis was there for that, too. He was there so that Kevin didn’t have to be.
When the others came, shaking Dennis’ entire reality with their presence, he was still there.
He was there when Barry’s pen burst in his jean’s pocket. He was there when Hedwig’s laughter drew too much attention. He was there when Goddard forgot to clean the cutting board, when Ansel dragged in mud under his boots, when Orwell was too distracted by his book, and even when Samuel got more than he could handle.
Dennis was always there.
The moment the person in the light stilled, the moment they whimpered or gasped, Dennis was there. He would take the light and close his mind from the others so that no one could see but him. It was his purpose to protect them.
They thought they knew. The others thought they had seen and felt the worst cruelty Kevin’s mother was capable of. They thought they could piece together the story from the bruises written on his skin.
They had no idea.
Dennis was there to make sure they never realized how much worse things could get. He was there to make sure that they never had a clue. Some suspected. When they took the light and had to deal with the aches and bruises, they wondered. Dennis knew they did. But they never asked, and Dennis never said a word.
Dennis was born to keep them all safe. He was born to protect them.
His shoulders shook as he stared at the others gathered around the light, their backs turned towards him.
He hadn’t done anything wrong, despite what they all thought. He hadn’t. None of them would have found out, either, if Barry hadn’t decided to take the light in a moment of weakness.
When Dennis was twelve, he’d spied the pretty neighbor girl dancing through her bedroom window. Her blinds had been wide open and with the bedroom light on, it had been impossible to look away. She’d been wearing only a clean white bra and lime green shorts as she folded clothes on her bed, and she had danced.
Dennis couldn’t hear the lyrics to the music playing in her room, but he’d never be able to forget the steady beat of it that traveled across their backyards and seemed to echo in his blood as he watched her. Throughout his entire existence, Dennis had never seen anything so beautiful, so untroubled, and so breathtakingly free.
He couldn’t look away.
Dennis had been born to protect. He understood it meant that his life would be the hardest of all of theirs. He knew that moments of light and peace would never be meant for him. He understood and accepted it because it was what he was meant to do.
But the way she danced…
It wasn’t even overly sexual, despite what she was wearing. She was just having fun and she was comfortable in her skin and he was left mesmerized.
It was his first taste of a world that wasn’t soaked in pain and he was captivated.
For a while, his infatuation was innocent.
Then life changed. His mother inflicted pain of a new sort and Dennis lost the last shred of innocence he had. The others wondered about the new bruises and the new aches but never asked and Dennis swallowed down another secret.
By the time Dennis starting frequenting strip clubs, he had become addicted. It was easy to hide it from the others.
Honestly, it was all remarkably easy. The hardest part was finding the right club, one that was clean and where the girls were young and full of optimism and even that wasn’t as difficult as he’d feared, as long as he stared at the girls and not at the room. He squirreled away money for his excursions and he went when he knew the time in the light was his alone. He was careful and cautious, but he was an addict and he did what he had to to get his next fix.
Dennis could only breath easy when he watched them; soft skin in low light moving to the music. His favorites were the girls that closed their eyes and got lost in the music, he was entranced by the expressions on their faces as they swayed and the way their hands touched their bodies with confidence.
Dennis knew he made many of them uncomfortable; his gaze was too much, his expression too stiff. But, he tipped well enough to be welcomed back, however reluctantly. There was always one girl, no matter the place, that seemed to consider him a challenge, though. There was always one girl that wondered how much deeper his pockets could go if she was able to get a reaction from him.
He’d accept the private dances, making it clear that they were to keep their hands to themselves, he’d give them a bigger tip, and he’d leave.
Dennis got what he needed, and he kept another secret.
Dennis liked to watch. He never touched; the knot in his chest wouldn’t allow it without the entire experience being spoiled. He just liked to watch. Why was that so awful? The others had their vices, why wasn’t he allowed to have his? It wasn’t like he was hurting anyone. It wasn’t like he was putting Kevin in any sort of danger.
But they didn’t know what had happened. He was so good at keeping secrets and keeping quiet. He never told them what happened while they had lived with their mother. They had their suspicions but nothing else. Maybe that was why they all jumped to the worst possible conclusion. Out of Kevin’s broken pieces, Dennis was the shattered so it shouldn’t be a surprise that he could cut into others with a touch.
That wasn’t what happened, though. It wasn’t.
Dennis had been invited to another backroom, this time by a round-faced girl who looked younger than most but who’s sharp eyes gave the feeling of having too much experience.
She had gotten a tip, probably bigger than she was used to due to the light in her eyes, and she had offered Dennis a private dance. The girl had tried to take his hand but he’d immediately pulled away and told her, in no uncertain terms, not to touch him.
She had smiled like it was a joke between the two and had kept her hands to herself.
When the curtain was drawn and Dennis settled back on a seat he cleaned himself, she had started her dance.
It was easy to get lost in her. It was simple to let the rest of the world fade and just watch smooth, unscarred skin shine in the light as it gyrated to the beat of a strong base. He let himself fantasize about it being his hands tracing the lines of her body and it being him that placed that satisfied smile on her face.
Dennis was so completely enthralled that by he didn’t realize her hands were on him until his belt had been undone. The soft click of metal froze the blood in his veins and his hand immediately shot out to grip her wrist.
Dennis saw her lips move and there was a teasing glint in her eyes, but he couldn’t hear her words over the pounding thumping of his heart. He felt his breaths get faster as the fantasy in his mind crumbled and tainted his reality with bitter memories.
He would’ve gotten himself under control, he knew he would’ve. If he had had just one more minute, just a couple more breaths, he would have been fine.
But he wasn’t quick enough. He felt Barry look through his eyes and suddenly he was pushed out of the light.
The others surrounded him, faces confused and afraid. What could have happened that had made him afraid?
Dennis didn’t know what to say. He had kept so many secrets, finding the words was impossible.
Barry found the words for him.
Felicia hadn’t even been able to look at him and Mr. Pritchard had speared him with disappointment. Jade had scowled and called him names while Luke shook his head beside her.
And Kevin, who had seen Dennis as his superhero, as the person who could protect him against the worst bullies at school and even from the monster in the room beside his, had stared at him with so much shame that the knife in Dennis’s heart twisted.
They decided, unanimously, that Dennis had crossed a line. They decided that he was unstable, dangerous, and that he was unworthy to be in the light.
They had looked at him with such disgust. They had looked at him as if they honestly believed he was capable of replicating the scars on his skin.
They called him undesirable and locked him to the same shadows where they had banished Patricia.
It happened so quick, a part of him, the bleeding tortured part, wondered how long they’d been planning to throw him out. He wondered how long they had been calling him “undesirable” to his back. How long had they wanted him gone?
“Dennis,” a lilting voice drew his attention to the other outcast. Patricia gave him a soft understanding smile, the type she would always give Kevin when he was young, and the nightmares had started. She still gave the same smile to Hedwig before smoothing her hands through his hair and singing him to sleep. She had never given him that smile until now. “They don’t understand, dear boy. They aren’t truly pure. Despite everything, none of them have truly suffered.”
Dennis stiffened at her words. The same words that had led to Patricia’s banishment.
He shouldn’t be listening to her.
Dennis turned his attention back to the others. He stared at the people who had betrayed him and cast him out as if he were nothing despite all he had done for them.
He turned back to Patricia. “No, they don’t understand.”
Patricia’s smile grew sharp. “Then maybe it’s time they did.”