Chapter Text
Eggsy has always been good at pretending.
He started at a very young age, you see. He always pretended that the demeaning words about him or his mother didn’t affect him. He pretended that it didn’t hurt whenever Dean would hit him. He would pretend that he didn’t ache whenever the morning comes and he needs to get to school.
But, it was when he presented did he only started to pretend to be someone else.
He remembers it clearly –the day of his presentation. The way his mother’s eyes widen in fear, and the way her hands shake as she hand him anti-heat pills and scent blockers. When Dean got home, the bastard made fun of him for being a Base Beta. Since then, he started pretending to be a Base Beta.
He didn’t mind really. He understands why he has to. Male Base Omegas were already rare –it’ll be like hitting a gold mine presenting to be a Male High Omega. Or, like his self, a Male Thoroughbred Omega. He didn’t want to be sold, he didn’t want to be raped and abused, and he didn’t want to be a prostitute. So, he took his pills on time, not once forgetting about it and was thorough in blocking his scent.
He also learned how to stomp down his instincts and take on the instincts of a Beta. To be level headed enough but still pose a threat to weak Base Alphas. All the natural grace he was using while he was still a gymnast –he reeled it in, and presented a rough upped chav that’s no different from every one that grew up in the estates.
Now, in Kingsman, his primary job is to pretend to be someone else.
An undercover mission that lasted for two months that he executed flawlessly and ended successfully earned him a name and a chair at the table. Jack London –the new Arthur, was certain that he has a seat on the table. They just needed to figure out what his name would be, because a Kingsman’s Codename –if not earned through training, should have a connection to an agent’s expertise.
He was told that his situation isn’t entirely unprecedented. There had been times wherein a trainee or an ex-trainee was needed in certain missions. If they managed to end the mission successfully, they are given the chance to be a Kingsman after a series of missions that would help the current Arthur think of a name for them. He was only mildly surprised when he found out that Merlin went through the same ordeal as he did.
(“How on Earth can you shoot a corgi?” Merlin asked them rhetorically. “I’m not fuckin’ heartless –nor desperate.”
“Are you saying I am one of those two things?” Harry asked pointedly.)
Arthur knighted him with the name Gaheris. The brother who was often mistaken to be Gareth or Gawain. And damn, wasn’t that just poetic.
Over his three years in Kingsman, he continued to pretend. He was a rich domineering High Alpha that demanded his every whim to be followed. A tool Base Alpha that could only run drugs and carry information for a gang. A High Beta that can break deals harmoniously or have people see reasons. A Base Beta that isn’t worth shit and could only follow what he’s been told. And not one has any bearings of similarity from one another.
It was all going well, until he had to be a chav Base Beta who does child trafficking.
His identity was Leon Victi, a child trafficker that wants to have dealings with the German mob. He had to be Leon for four months –the longest he had to be undercover so far, so that he can extract information about the dealings of the German mob. In these four months, he really had to traffic children.
(“We have to sometimes choose between two evils,” Arthur had told him. “And we could only hope that what we choose is the lesser one.”)
It messed him up.
He got back to their HQ after four months feeling sick to his stomach. He felt dirty. His mission was a success but he felt like he failed. And when it got worse, he was forced to talk to a psychiatrist.
Recovery took a while. His usual one month break turned into two, and he was given another month for his assessments –both physical and mental. When the psychiatrist was asked about his breakdown, it was chalked up to the cover being too close to who he really is. And that the children reminded him of his baby sister. Dr Stella told Arthur that he felt like he was giving away his own sister. So, they stopped assigning him to missions that involve child trafficking.
Eggsy continued pretending to be the chav Base Beta that they all think he was.
He’s currently making his way to the main servers of the company that was selling gadgets to terrorists. His cover is a High Alpha with an even higher intellect, but was on the spectrum. He decided to wear jumpers for the whole duration of his mission. It got Harry laughing, but it merely earned him a raised eyebrow from Merlin.
He passed by the security guards, bumping on one of them with a stuttered apology on his lips. The two didn’t really paid any attention to him –because a High Alpha that doesn’t use his honed instincts is worthless. No matter how high is his IQ.
He ran the key card over the metal lock and watch the light turn from red to green. He got in with not much hustle. With a tap on the side of his eyeglasses, he’s connected to his quartermaster. “Look alive, Merlin.”
‘I thought you wouldn’t make contact for another week.’ He can hear the older man typing on some keyboards.
“Aaron’s skin is going to give me an inferiority complex.” He walked to one of the bulking machines, took off one of the cords and replaced it with the flash drive Merlin has given him. “Besides, even when I can sell looking like a computer genius, it’s only a matter of time before people notice that I don’t sound like one –and I ain’t talkin’ ‘bout me accent, guv.”
‘If I remembered correctly, I did offered you a crash course on computer engineering.’ He can hear a trace of humour in Merlin’s voice.
“You’re talking like I can learn how to build an A.I. in a week.”
‘A student is only as good as the teacher.’
“Oh, Merlin, no one’s going to be as good as you.”
‘You flatter me so.’ Merlin was only quiet for a few seconds. ‘It’s done, lad. I have a copy of everything they have.’
He returned the cords back to its original place –wiping his prints off along the way. He pocketed the flash drive and mentally prepared his self in slipping back to Aaron’s skin. “Look out for me, Merlin.”
‘All clear.’
He slipped out of the door and into the empty hall, out of the building and into a car undetected. Merlin will scrub every record and footage with him in it clean. Aaron Everth will disappear and those who had ever interacted with him will be none wiser.
Since the whole Leon Victi fiasco, it has been mandatory for him to see and speak to Dr Stella after every mission and also before he goes to another mission. Different from the usual standard procedure from other agents. He wasn’t bothered by it much –he understands why it’s different for him. The mental strain on his mission is more than what a normal agent would experience.
He also doesn’t mind talking to Dr Stella. It gives him time to reacquaint his self with the Eggsy most of Kingsman know. Plus, she wasn’t what he expected from a shrink. She wasn’t probing or invasive. She asked simple questions and wasn’t irked by his simple answers.
“How did the mission go?”
He rolled his eyes at her, adopting the role of the chav that Harry picked up from the estates. “Yous read th’ file.” This is the person Kingsman expects from him whenever he’s not in missions. “’S a success. Got ‘n undetected, got what was needed ‘n out again –still undetected. No injuries what-so-eva.”
Dr Stella smiled at him. “And how were you during the two months of being Aaron Everth?”
He shrugged, walking around the room and playing with trinkets on display. “Wasn’t hard.” He knows what’s going to be asked next –because he has set the stage for that question.
“It is noted that you commented about having –or rather getting an inferiority complex in being Aaron Everth.”
“Christ, you got that.” He faked a grimaced. He learned a year ago that if he bounced back from every mission too clean after the Leon incident, people got suspicious. So, every now and then, he would stage a stumble –a blunder. “His insecurities felt…too familiar.”
From there, he let the doctor come up with assumptions and draw conclusions as she build connections between his personality and Aaron’s.
“It’s fine to have insecurities.” The doctor assured him. “Everyone has one. It’s one of the things that makes us. What’s important is fighting back those insecurities –not letting them consume us.”
“Well, Aaron’s a bit like in the spectrum. He can’t help but feel insecure twenty-four-seven. Bein’ like tha’ for two months ‘s hard, but not unshakeable.”
Dr Stella gave him a considering stare. “Do you need to leave something of Aaron to ease your transition?”
“Nah…I think a pint wit’ me mates would do it.”
“How would it?”
“Aaron doesn’t have friends, I do. Tha’ separates him from me.”
“I see you’ve been listening closely to what I’ve been saying.” The doctor gave him a proud smile.
“Well, can’t keep givin’ yous stuff, doc.” He gave her his signature cheeky grin. “Your office will be filled wit’ knick-knacks in no time.”
“If every knick-knack would mean I have done something to help you, then I don’t mind.” Her words were genuine. But, there’s fear inside of him that he doesn’t want to face. “I’ll see you in our next scheduled appointment, but should the need arise –don’t hesitate in calling me whenever.”
He rocked back and forth merrily on his feet as he held the door open. “Sure ffing, doc.”
Hamish is good at tinkering.
Despite his current position in Kingsman, he always sets aside an ample amount of time to work on his side projects. He knows he can send most of his ideas to R&D and have them make prototypes for him. But, tinkering is one part of his job that he thoroughly enjoys. Especially if he can create gadgets specialized for his agents for certain missions.
Ector and Morgan accuses him of spoiling Gaheris. He would never admit it. It’s just that –he feels a…kinship with the lad, having gone through the same thing that he did. That, and what they went through together during –what people referred to as, V-Day. There’s a desire in him to keep Eggsy safe.
With that desire, he would start working on Eggsy’s next mission even when the young agent is still taking his well-deserved one month break.
Looking at the file given to him by Arthur, he can’t help the feeling of wrongness bubbling at the pit of his stomach. It requires Eggsy to go undercover for six months. Three months to establish his persona and another three months to extract the much needed information from a crime group. It would set a new record for Eggsy.
Although the next cover won’t be like Leon Victi, he still has a bad feeling about the mission. Before starting to plan, he decided to call Dr Stella to inquire about the state of Eggsy’s psyche. The doctor was straight to the point. Eggsy can handle the strain, but it would be advisable he spent a longer amount of time off after the mission. He thank the doctor, but made no move to plan.
He picked up the file and headed to Arthur’s office. He immediately stated his case when he was welcomed inside. “Six months is too long –too dangerous. Not only physically but mentally as well. There has to be another way to extract the information.”
“Air tight.” Jack told him. “MI6 already tried cracking one of their men, their secrets died with them. The only way we can get what we need is if we go in.”
“Then why can’t MI6 or 5 do it themselves?”
“They have no available agent at the moment.” Ever since V-Day every intelligence agency in the world were forced to play nice with each other –independent or otherwise. This isn’t the first time MI6 asked assistance from them –it wouldn’t be the last. Arthur heaved a sigh. “I don’t like my knights being away for too long either. But as a Kingsman, we do what we have to do.”
“We can’t push our agents to their limits.”
“Limits needs to be tested.”
Hamish couldn’t help but stiffen at the familiar phrase. “Don’t tell me you’ll run Kingsman the same way Chester King did.”
“Absolutely not.” There was a sense of finality in Jack’s voice. “Still, the saying has its merits. We must go on with the mission.”
“Very well.” He inclined his head slightly to the side. “I shall call on agent Gaheris and brief him. But, if he ever feels the need to, he has the right to decline the mission.” He took a sharp turn –not waiting for Arthur’s confirmation. He feels like he’s going to have an ulcer.
Merlin’s office in the H.Q. is the strangest office inside the mansion in his opinion. Strange but very…Merlin. The coming together of old and new. Antique displays hiding high end technological uses. Monitors in paintings, tablets in clipboards, and a table with hidden drawers that are filled with equipment used in repairing and developing gadgets.
The older man was hunched over his desk –not typing on his keyboard nor reading a file. Merlin was focused on tweaking something he can’t really see. And it seems like Merlin himself was having a hard time since he has a magnifying glass in place and a scowl.
He’s half certain that Merlin knows of his presence but can’t give him attention at the moment. He casually leaned on the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. The older man will beckoned him to enter once Merlin’s done with whatever he is doing.
For a moment, he let his self observe Merlin. The man is a master of multi-tasking but would like to solely focus on one thing if given the chance. Especially if it is about the gadgetry or weaponry that he has to take with him. Merlin takes his position as the quartermaster quite seriously –as he should, but he always takes that extra mile for him. Eggsy doesn’t really know why, but he appreciates it all the same.
He sometimes wonder why an experienced man like Merlin would request a neophyte like him as his agent. Then, he remembers that they work quite well during V-Day. Perhaps that brought in enough familiarity for Merlin to choose him.
Finally looking up, Merlin told him to enter. He took his usual seat, the right chair in front of Merlin’s desk. There’s a window on that side. Though the sun doesn’t directly shine down on it, the light is enough to illuminate Merlin’s face. He likes Merlin’s confusing eye colour. It’s brown with a touch of hazel and greys. With a different kind of light, he might see a peak of green and blue. It would intensify if the man gets passionate about something –or be filled with wonder and awe over some technology.
Merlin handed him a clipboard, he didn’t hesitate in reading what’s in it. Silence reign in for fifteen minutes. And when he looked up, it was to face a contrite looking quartermaster.
“You don’t like the mission.” He stated the obvious. The slight downward pinch on Merlin’s lips was a dead giveaway. “This is long, but not bad.”
“I’m aware.” Merlin still sounded quite displeased. “You’ll be away for six months, will only log in once a week for your report and can’t contact anyone else, besides the times you’ll have to face Nigel.” There was a beat of silence. “I’m not sure if I’m enough to ground you.”
He didn’t said anything right away. He has to consider his words carefully –has to reassure Merlin without rising any alarms. “You’ll be enough for Gaheris.”
“And this role you shall be…portraying for the next six months. Don’t you find it out of your league?”
“Bruv,” his tone held warning. “Don’t play tha’ kind of mind games wit’ me. Ain’t no Alpha, won’t take tha’ kind of bait.” He leaned forward and placed the clipboard on the desk. “I think it’ll be interesting.” He really does. “A male High Omega with a penchants of wearing female clothing.”
“Co-owns an underground strip club who’s looking into being a courier for certain crime groups.”
“I read the file.” He reminded him. “I’m not taking this lightly.”
“You’ve never posed as an Omega before.”
He leaned back, relaxed his body –letting go of both the chav and Base Beta mask he’s wearing. Tension alleviated his body, and natural grace flowed through him. He exude languid confidence as he smiled at Merlin just beneath his eyelashes. Once Merlin’s eyes was fixated at him, he bought a hand over his lips –not completely covering it, but making him seem shy as his smile grew bigger. Looking happy and content with the attention, he tilted his head to the side. Showing off the expanse of his neck that’s the ultimate come-hither.
At the back of Eggsy’s mind, there was a whisper of how it all felt right.
Merlin closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before opening it again. “You should start asking Lancelot on lessons on how to walk wearing heels.”
He tensed his body once again –mask back in place. He let out a loud and boisterous laugh. “Who said I hadn’t worn heels before?”
There’s something in the way Eggsy moves that makes him look closer. He has more than a fair amount of grace that isn’t usually found in Betas. He thought that it was bought on by Eggsy’s experience in gymnastics –but, there’s something more to it. He just can’t seem to put a finger on it.
Then, Eggsy put on a display of his grace up close and personal.
It was unfair how he smiled at Hamish. It was as if Eggsy knew what his smile could do to Hamish. Damn the lad. The silent show of submission given whole heartedly with just a tilt of the head. It got the Alpha in him stirring awake. It was a good thing he was a Thoroughbred Alpha. If he was lesser than that, he would have jumped the lad that moment.
The door of his office opened and closed in quick succession. He could only raise an eyebrow at Harry. “Hide me.” The other man demanded.
“What is it now, Harry?” There wasn’t a cure all for Harry –though his resurrection was a miracle enough. His friend lost an eye, and therefore cannot go on his usual missions until he had mastered the change in his depth perception.
“Arthur wants to send me to a diplomatic mission.” The way Harry said it was filled with horror and disbelief. “Can you imagine me, talking to some royal whoever about immunities and well placed donations?”
Hamish rewind the footage of Eggsy doing a death defying stunt in one of his missions. Even the lad’s agility is unusual for a Base Beta –even for those who are in his line of work. “Actually, I can.” He said to Harry. “It would put your Thoroughbred Beta instincts into good use. It was smart on Arthur’s part to exploit that.”
“Let’s see what you’ll think once it’s your instincts being exploited.” Harry huffed still not losing his gentlemanliness. It’s honestly a wonder.
“I haven’t had a vacation in decades –I rarely go home, I’m the senior tech in R&D and the quartermaster, I also handle the only agent who specializes in undercover missions. Am I not exploited enough?”
“No. Arthur hasn’t parade you around to stack in donations.” Harry deadpanned. “Plus, you were the one who requested for Eggsy to be your agent.”
“When I did, I didn’t think that he would show proficiency as an undercover agent.” Harry stood next to him. They watched in silence as the Eggsy in the footage fight off five men while trying to escape. “Is it just me, or is he eerily graceful?”
“He was a gymnast.”
“Aye, and he’s also a Base Beta.” He paused the footage. “Don’t you think his…stature isn’t for a beta? He’s too…burly.”
“Are you suggesting that Eggsy’s secretly an Alpha?” It’s Harry’s turn to raise an eyebrow at him.
Hamish didn’t say anything in return –because somehow, it makes sense. Eggsy isn’t good at breaking up tension that arises, he’s always ready to protect and defend –unlike Harry who would try to reason with people first. He isn’t easily intimidated by any Alpha, never the one to impose superiority but also never backs down on a challenge. He also knows how to act as an Alpha –which should be difficult to pull off as a Beta. And, he knows what he must do –how he must act to placate an Alpha.
Harry let out an audible sigh at his silent contemplation. “Look, I wasn’t going to say anything –but it seems to me, you’re quite invested in Eggsy’s secondary gender. Let me just tell you, that it’s the modern age now. It wouldn’t be scandalous for an Alpha to be paired up with a Beta –no matter their status are.”
But, from a biological standpoint, it does matter. “The way he moves just doesn’t make sense.” Hamish insisted.
Harry rolled his eye. “He’s an agent that specializes in pretending to be another person. He can modify his movement at a drop of a hat.”
“It’s not that –you know what, never mind.” He can’t explain it to Harry because he can’t put his suspicions into words. He’s rarely speechless, and that’s often the state that Eggsy leaves him in.
“Just ask him out already!” Harry’s tone became exasperated.
“My interest in him is purely professional.”
“You drank the whole river.”
It is easier to deny certain truths. Still, a person has to be blind not to see Eggsy’s attractive qualities. It also doesn’t help Hamish that the lad’s competent, intelligent and dedicated. But what really has him staring longingly at Eggsy are his eyes –or at least a certain look the lad would have every now and then.
It’s filled with ruminations. Hamish wants to unearth whatever thought that is running on Eggsy’s mind. What has him staring off unseeing yet seemingly memorizing the constellations of the whole galaxy. But that look, only lasts a few seconds on Eggsy’s handsome face. It’s quickly covered up by cheek and mischief that seems like second nature but not at all natural.
“Six months.” Dr Stella clasped her hands over her knees. “How do you feel about that?”
He, for a moment, thinks of the proper answer to that question. “Nervous.” He faked a shaky breath.
“What are you exactly nervous about?”
“Extraneous variables in the field.” He tucked away a small thought behind the back of his head. He doesn’t know what keeps him from telling the truth. His thoughts are getting…messy, and now is not the time to be distracted. “Mafia bosses often want proofs of loyalties. I’m nervous about havin’ to do ffings to complete the mission.”
“If you don’t feel comfortable of the mission, you have the option to decline.”
“I’m never comfortable.” He mumbled to his self, not catching the look the doctor threw at him. “Duty trumps discomfort.”
“But where is the line on the sand?”
“I don’ know it meself.”
“You better figure it out. We don’t want you losing yourself.”
He could only nod. You can’t really lose yourself, if you’ve never been yourself. But, he’s not going to dwell on that. It is better not to at the moment.
After his session with the doctor, he went straight to his private chambers in the Kingsman estate. Every agent is given one. There, they can rest or do their reports. They can decorate the room. He kept it as it is, mostly because he has no idea what he thinks he would like to have in the room.
In his room, he creates the next persona that he would take on. Merlin gives him the basic information; name, date of birth, nationality, secondary gender, status and mission objective. A framework –but that is not enough to fool people. It is his job to create a whole new person from these information.
It was no hardship to soften his movement and relax his shoulders. If he were to be honest with his self, it felt freeing. The hat didn’t felt right on his head, he threw it at the other end of the room. His jacket felt itchy against his skin, he took it off.
He stretched his hands forward –steady, clasped it together. His skin felt so soft, he couldn’t help but run his palms and fingers to his forearms and arms. There’s a sting coming from the sides of his eyes. His vision getting a bit blurry. His hand moved to his lips, pressing gently. As he close his eyes, tears fall.
He felt the need to mourn, for what, he doesn’t know.
It’s been two months since Eggsy went back to field. With the reputation the lad has built, the news of the service that he offers travelled fast. It attracted a lot of organized crime groups, it wasn’t long before the group that they have their eyes on contacted Chérie –Gaheris’ current cover.
Tonight would be their first contact with the group and Hamish’s waiting for Eggsy to turn on his glasses. He would admit that he’s feeling anxious. Gaheris always did his reports at a time when the strip club have less people. And though the glasses are on, and Gaheris is looking at a mirror –Hamish hasn’t seen him as Chérie.
All his years working as the quartermaster, it’s his first time to outfit an agent with feminine clothes and gadgetry. He had to ask for Morgan’s assistance since she handles Lancelot. He can’t believe the ingenuity of Morgan’s creations. Hamish had never thought that a magazine clip can fit inside a high heel shoe. The lass deserves her place as his second in command.
A bathroom sink came into view. Hamish adjusted his mic and sat straight. He followed the movement of Gaheris’ eye sight, till it landed on the bathroom mirror. He never thought that his breath would ever be knocked out of him.
‘Merlin?’
Eggsy’s voice snapped him out of his trance. “Feed’s live.” He cleared his throat.
‘Is there something wrong?’ There’s concern in Eggsy’s face and voice. It leaves a twisting sensation on Hamish’s stomach.
“No, just running possibilities in my mind.” He lied easily enough.
Long golden hair frames Eggsy’s face, it’s parted to the side with curls cascading pass his shoulder and just above his chest. It draws attention to his collar bone, suddenly Hamish all too aware of just how low the neckline of dress is. He bought his eyes back to Eggsy’s face. The lad was wearing a light make-up –highlighting his eyes and making his blue eyes brighter than it really is. There’s also a touch of pink tinting his lips. Hamish could only swallow the lump on his throat as he lick his own lips wet.
‘He wouldn’t suspect a thing.’ Eggsy assured him.
“It’s better to be prepared.”
‘I know.’ Eggsy rolled his shoulders back. ‘Well, how do I look? Do I look irresistible enough?’
And because he just can’t help the fool in him once it has taken a hold of his mouth, he said. “You look striking.” He mentally kicked his self, but the blush the slowly crept on Eggsy’s face gladdened him. A single person shouldn’t have that much effect on him.
‘You flatter me so.’
A soft chuckle escaped his lips before he could even hold it in.
There’s a smile on Eggsy’s face that makes him look so delighted from making him chuckle. Hamish doesn’t know if it’s part of his act as an Omega, or if Eggsy’s really delighted that he made him chuckle. It looked so real that is was almost surreal. ‘Look out for me, Merlin.’
Eggsy always says that –before he goes into the field, every after situation report, and as he makes his way home. He had heard it in a frantic voice that makes him feel nervous, a soft whisper that sends shivers down his spine, in a steady even tone that cements something unnamed between the two of them; but now, it sounded like a prayer. It made Hamish feel powerful. “I always do.”
With a nod, Eggsy turned around. Business was in full swing inside the strip club. Neon lights didn’t provide enough light, but Hamish can see everything that is happening around Eggsy. There are women in one side, and men at the other. Both were dancing to a music that’s more bass than tremble. Some strippers greeted Eggsy, and some customers tried to make him sit with them. Eggsy gave supportive words to the dancers and flirtatious ones to the customers.
There was a man at the bar smiling at Eggsy –their target for the evening. The man –Nigel, passed a glass of scotch to Eggsy. Hamish saw Eggsy’s hand bring the glass up to face level, but the way his head moved suggest he didn’t drink it. ‘That wasn’t nice, Mr Nigel.’ Eggsy’s voice came in flirtatiously reprimanding.
Nigel’s smile got bigger. ‘Just testing if you truly are a High Omega, Chérie. One can never be too careful –especially in our line of business.’
‘I’d like to point out that my secondary gender and status has nothing to do with my business, but let me indulge you. I sniffed out the drug you’ve put in the drink. Do you have any other tests for me this evening?’
Nigel leaned forward. Hamish saw him take a deep breath. They have foreseen this. He had given Eggsy a perfume that mimics the scent of a High Omega. He told Eggsy to place two drops of it on his sweat glands to make it seem like it’s being naturally being produced.
Nigel leaned back, his head tilted to the side. ‘I smell three scents on you.’ That got Hamish’s brows furrowing. The perfume only holds two Omega scents. ‘A fruit, a flower and-‘
‘Morning dew.’ Eggsy ended it for him. ‘It’s my perfume.’
‘Why would you bother with a perfume? You already smell delectable.’
‘I like it.’
For a moment, Nigel merely stare at Eggsy. ‘The Polish were the ones to recommend you to our group. They like that you are secretive –they feel like you’re hiding a lot of secrets and won’t be pushed to speak.’
‘It’s the one rule I’ll follow all my life.’
‘And if I want to know something about you?’
It was Eggsy’s turn to stare. From Nigel’s expression, he’s taking Eggsy’s silence as contemplation. Perhaps, it is. ‘You can ask me one question.’
‘Is there an Alpha in your life?’
Eggsy gave away a soft laugh. ‘Of all the questions you could ask me, you’d go for that?’
Nigel smiled at Eggsy. Hamish didn’t miss the way his eyes wandered up and down at Eggsy. There was a growl clawing its way up his throat, but he fought it back. ‘It’s important. I have to know if I can mix business with pleasure.’
Hamish heard bubbly giggles from Eggsy before he spoke up. ‘I don’t mix the two, Mr Nigel.’
‘Come on, I can be persuasive if I want to.’
Eggsy turned toward the bar. Hamish can see his face through the mirrors behind the bottles. ‘There is someone.’ Eggsy’s voice turned soft –so did his eyes. ‘I’m afraid he doesn’t see me that way.’ They were back at looking at Nigel.
‘He must be an extraordinary Alpha to catch your eye.’
Eggsy gave away an over the top sigh. ‘I’m not sure if he’s an Alpha.’ Nigel raised an eyebrow in inquiry instead of voicing it out. ‘He has complete control over his –facilities and wears blockers all the time. He can either be a High or Thoroughbred Alpha, and the third option is a Beta.’
Nigel smiled –his thought process being broadcasted with how bad he is at keeping it hidden. He thinks he’s getting something from Eggsy. ‘I never thought you’d be one to fall for just the looks.’
‘Oh, it’s not about the way he looks. Though he has the most intriguing eyes I’ve ever seen.’ Eggsy leaned forward to Nigel, acting comfortable –as if Nigel had earned his trust through a simple conversation. ‘It’s his intelligence and gentleman like manners.’
That got Hamish thinking about something that is not completely related to their mission. Who does the qualities Eggsy mentioned apply to? Only one name –that would make sense, came to mind; Harry Hart. It’s obvious that the lad looks up to Harry. He just never thought it’ll be something more.
They would be a good pair, he thought –a bit bitter. But, that’s just for him to know.
‘Gentleman? Does he open doors for you?’
‘Don’t be silly.’ Eggsy said playfully. ‘Now, you got your answer. The night’s progressing on and I have to attend to my other duties.’ Eggsy got on his feet. ‘You know where to find me.’
Nigel reached for his hand, Eggsy let him and Hamish had to clench his jaws real tight. ‘I’ll persuade you.’ The bastard sounded so sure.
‘I’ll look forward to turning down your methods of persuasion.’ Eggsy coyly walked back to his office without hurry. But when the door closed, Hamish can hear Eggsy breathing labouredly.
“Talk to me.”
‘Sulphur.’ Eggsy stated. ‘There’s a faint smell of sulphur on him. He’s a Thoroughbred.’
“What?” He pulled up every information given to them by MI6. They were all certain that Nigel’s a High Alpha. “What did you smell?”
‘Oak, moss and sulphur –the kind you smell in hot springs. It’s faint but it’s there.’ Eggsy let out a choked up noise.
“Breath, in and out.”
‘He picked up my scent.’ Eggsy whispered.
Hamish –even as a Thoroughbred, could never pick up Eggsy’s scent through his blockers. He can only imagine what kind of control Nigel has over his instincts to be able to pick apart three scents. There’s an irrational and ill-set jealousy inside him.
Morning dew –Eggsy’s scent is morning dew. He had always wondered.
Lapse of judgment. That’s the only reason he can come up with. He didn’t used the perfume Merlin has given him. Instead, he just didn’t use any scent blockers. And every time someone would point out his third scent, he would tell him that it’s his perfume. Most people don’t question it –they’re all Bases and Highs. He never thought that he would face a Thoroughbred in the red light district of Amsterdam. He could only sigh. What’s done is done, he’s just going to have to keep deflecting every advances Nigel would throw his way.
In their seven weeks of doing business, Nigel has been active in persuading him. He’d come to the club two to three times a week. Two out of those three times, it’s not even about business. Nigel would come in to speak with him or just stare at him as he does his duties as a hostess then go home but not without leaving a gift for him. Dresses, shoes, accessories –and one time, a lingerie. Everything high end and expensive.
Male Thoroughbred Omegas are rare. He’s not surprised that Nigel would do anything he can to have one.
And Chérie, he’s the ideal Omega to have. He’s not delicate –the muscles in his body proves any Alpha can be rough with him. Though, he was graceful and it can be seen in his every move. He sports enough effeminate qualities to look fragile and in need of protection. He is eye catching and pretty in his dresses. Any Alpha would like to show him off as if he’s one of their possession.
Keeping up with appearances, he has to go shopping every now and then. As Chérie, he would go to different boutiques that sells fashionable clothes, make-ups, and other luxuries that is often bought by Omegas. Today, he finds his self strolling along the streets that attracts a large number of tourists.
It didn’t escaped his notice how some people would do a double take at him. He kept his self from preening. Though, if someone would stare a little too long, he would smile at them. He likes the way some of them would blush with just a smile.
He saw one store selling snow globes. He felt his self grinning at the display. He’s not one to buy souvenirs, but there’s no harm in looking around. He entered the store, and perused the shelves. When he sees an interesting globe, he would shake it and watch as the snow settle before placing it back on the shelf.
“Enjoying yourself?”
Startled by the familiar voice, he turned. Nigel was standing just a few inches away from him. He pretended to adjust his glasses as he turn it on. It’s a good thing he never goes out without it. He can hear the feed go live on Merlin’s end. “What are you doing here?” He didn’t have to fake the surprised tone in his voice.
“Just doing shopping. I was across the street when I noticed you, decided I should come and greet you.”
“Never thought you’re one to go to tourist destinations.” He walked around the place once again. This time making sure that he has a clear exit just in case a fight breaks out.
Nigel merely shrugged. “So, snow globes.” He smiled at him as if they’re sharing a secret. “Do you prefer these than the gifts I try to give you?”
“I told you, I would turn you down.” He reminded the man in a mischievous manner. “With what we do, it would be unwise to mix and mingled more than what is really needed.”
“Yes, but it would be fun.”
“Perhaps, but still…” Nigel looked at him with a tilted head. It was as if he was mentally trying to come up with a decision. It makes him nervous.
“You’re not like most Omegas I’ve met before.”
He found his self huffing a laugh. “I’m sure that line had worked on them, too. But, you’ve said it yourself, I’m not like most Omegas.” He was about to turn and walk away, but a hand stopped him from doing so. Nigel’s hand on his forearm got him feeling on edge.
“You’re full of contradictions.” Nigel took a step forward to him. “You like being an Omega, but you’re hiding your status. You like it, the attention given to you, but you stop yourself from seeking it out. A little more time with you and I would be able to see why. I won’t be wondering for long.” Nigel caressed his cheek. The man’s eyes are practically undressing him. “I’ll have you –every bit of you.”
“I’ll tell you a secret.” He can hear Merlin in his ear, asking him what is he going to do. While Nigel perked up at his words. He got into Nigel’s space, lips just a few inches from touching his ear. “Alphas like you are the reason why I hide.”
He pulled his forearm from Nigel’s grasp. He didn’t gave the man a minute to recover from his words. He dashed out of the shop. He walked in a quick pace, but his heart is beating quicker. After walking a block away, he hid in an alley way. Hand resting on the wall, and breathe shaky.
‘Are you alright, lad?’ Merlin’s voice was uncharacteristically gentle in his ears.
“He reminds me of my step-dad.” He didn’t hesitate in saying –and maybe he should have. But he’s just a mess of nervous energy and horrendous memory at the moment. Nigel is right, he likes being an Omega. He likes being who he should be –or should have been. But the way Nigel moves in on him –it reminds him so much of how Dean won over his mum. He’s terribly reminded why he constantly hides. “I think I’m going to throw up.”
‘Breath, Eggsy.’
“Please, don’t call me that.” He winced at his own stupidity. He has to recovery quickly. “I can’t be three persons right, now. Eggsy is tucked away at the moment. All you have is Chérie and Gaheris.” It was a weak excuse and it probably still raise a red flag. He’s just going to have to work around it when he’s back at the HQ.
‘Alright, then.’ Merlin’s voice is crisp again. ‘Gaheris, are there anymore activities that Chérie has to do in his itinerary?’
He grasped Merlin’s firm and stern voice. He let his self be anchored by it. “No, sir.”
‘Go back to the club.’ The order was clear. ‘Take the rest of the afternoon off. I expect you to have full control over yourself next time Nigel comes to the club.’
“Yes, sir.” He started walking again.
He really should have been careful with his words. There’s a reason why he makes everything clear cut. Give all of the personalities a clear distinction –from the way they move to the way they talk. The Base Beta Eggsy has a chav accent –thick and disturbing, and in his own words ‘a bit o’ rough’. Gaheris, when he speaks, it’s crisp and clear –leaving no room of doubt about his confidence, gentleman down to the very core. Leon Victi, a trace of Norfolk accent with heavy feet when he walks and heavier hands when crossed.
But, Chérie –is someone he wants to be. An accent that shows he’s well educated and moves freely –unhindered by his secondary-gender and status. Maybe he shouldn’t have patterned a personality with the characteristics that he wants to have. Now, he’s having a hard time…disengaging.
It’s Sunday morning, he lay completely still on his bed. He’s staring up at the ceiling tensely. He’s trying to remember where Chérie ends and where –he begins. Who is he? His brows furrowed, he’s Eggsy. The Base Beta chav? No. He’s Eggsy. Who’s Eggsy? That’s the only Eggsy everyone else knows about. Who’s the Eggsy he’s referring to? The one he hid the moment he presented? Who is that Eggsy? What is he like? What does he like? Is he like Chérie? Is he Chérie?
He shut down every question by hiding behind Chérie. He needs to continue on with his mission. Now is not the time to be having ruminations. It would get him killed.
He went on with his day –following Chérie’s schedule. He has to prepare for his meeting with the Polish. He has to prepare during day time because that’s when the customers aren’t present. He has some of his workers help him. They tease him that he only entertains the good looking ones. He would joke back that his fees are exponentially higher than theirs.
“Why don’t you ever accept Nigel’s gifts?” One of the strippers asked. “Every one of those are expensive as fuck.”
One of them moaned out loud. “The shoes! They’re worth more than my apartment.”
“I can afford my own shoes.” He tells them as he place a tray of alcoholic drinks at the centre of the table. “And honestly, a lingerie? That’s very…ungentlemanly.” The strippers share a look. “What?” He crossed his arms over his chest.
One of them smiled at him. “You must like those…gentlemen, who seem so well put together but behind closed doors…”she ended the sentence suggestively.
The other ride along. “One who open doors and pull out chairs, take you out to romantic dinners. Then, by the end of the night, would knot you till you’re drooling on their sheets.” The two laughed teasingly.
He can’t help but smile at their antics. But the thought of a certain Scotsman got him biting his lips. And one of them noticed it. “Oh, my God! That is what you want.”
“No, I didn’t said that.” He turned and caught his own reflection on one of the mirrors. His cheeks were a bit flush. He knows that even though his glasses isn’t on in live feed, everything is still being recorded and sent to HQ.
“This is good.” One of them pointed at him. “You play coy all night, every night but the thought of a proper gentleman that would ravish you got you blushing. Oh, Chérie…you’re a special one.”
“Out with the two of you. We’re done here.” He ushered them out and closed the door behind him. He turned, he saw Nigel leaning back on the bar. He’s really not in the mood for mind games. He turned on the live feed of his glasses as per protocol.
“You do that whenever I’m around.” Nigel pointed out. “Is that a nervous tick?”
Damn the man. “If you’re not here for business, I suggest you go.”
He was about to walk pass Nigel but the man followed him. “Alphas like me, what do you mean by that?”
‘Gaheris.’ It wasn’t Merlin’s voice in his ears, it was Morgan’s. ‘Merlin’s pulling Percival through a rough situation at the moment. I’ll be watching you for now.’
He sent a quick affirmative message through the glasses and tried to walk faster away from Nigel. He felt a hand on his wrist and he quickly –forcibly freed his self. “Don’t touch me.” Nigel was just as surprised as he is with the trace of panic in his voice. He knows why he’s feeling panicky. Morgan can’t ground him the same way Merlin can.
“I –I’m sorry.” Nigel’s tone softened. “I just –I want to understand. I can be good to you, Chérie. I promise I will be, give me a chance.”
‘Now I understand the complication Merlin was talking about. The target’s ass over tits for you.’ Morgan said with awe. ‘This could be your chance to get all the information we need. Turn this into a honey-pot. We can send you an injection that can make a Beta’s body produce slick.’
The panic he’s feeling just doubled. He has never been with a male Alpha before –he has never been with anybody before. He can never really be with anybody without them knowing of his true secondary gender and status. “I’ve heard that promise before and had a front row seat on how it’s been broken.” Images of his mother flashes at the forefront of his mind. “Alphas like you talk sweet beginnings, but the end…it’s always bitter.”
‘Oh, God. I’m going to gag. This is like watching some soap opera. Is the drama the reason why he keeps coming back for you?’
“Give me a name and I’ll ruin him for you.”
“Proves my point.” He can feel a throbbing pain at his temple.
“My violence will never be directed at you.” Nigel sounds so sure.
‘I need to watch more of your feeds. This is the most drama I have ever had in my life.’
He can hear his mother’s cry ringing inside his ears. His breath hitch, his hands shake. It feels like he is back at the two bedroom apartment. “Don’t, please…” Nigel called him by the name he knows him, as Morgan called him by his nickname. “Don’t call me that.”
The room started to spin as his memory blur his eyesight. He took a step forward, his knees failed him. He was caught by strong arms, voices calling for his attention –none of them enough to ground him. He slipped away to the darkness.
“Shit.”
Hamish heard Morgan hiss a swear as he entered the main control room. He saw Nigel’s face up close through the glasses. The point of view is all wrong, it got his brows furrowing. “What happened?”
“Eggsy fainted.”
“What?” He immediately got behind the keyboard and started replaying the last fifteen minutes while simultaneously watching Nigel carry Eggsy off to his room above the strip club.
He can hear how other people fuss over Chérie, and how they trusted Nigel to take care of him as the door of the room closes. Nigel took off the glasses and placed it on the bedside drawer. Hamish kept the feed on –he doesn’t trust Nigel that much is obvious. The irritation he felt reached a new height when he heard the things Morgan had said to Eggsy through the comms.
“When I tell you to watch over my agent that is all you are going to do.” He firmly said to her. “You do not change the mission objective nor suggest any changes to the mission. Gaheris being away for months already sets his life in danger, and you want him to cross the enemy lines and sleep with the enemy –repeatedly, that’s suicide.”
“He’s an agent, he can handle a honey-pot.”
“We do not do repeated honey-pots on one target and that is beside the point.”
“He is crazy over Eggsy, we can use that to our advantage.”
The two of them watched as Nigel sat on the bed beside Eggsy, staring down at him. “Let’s say we do that.” He said through clenched teeth. He doesn’t like the way Nigel’s eyes are running up and down Eggsy’s sleeping form. “And they find out about Gaheris in the middle of the night. Do you think he’ll live to see the next day?”
Morgan was quiet beside him. Nigel caressed the side of Eggsy’s face. Hamish continued on. “How about extraction? How will you extract Gaheris that closely from the target without the target going on a man hunt?” Nigel’s hand trailed down to Eggsy’s neck. Hamish gripped the edge of his desk. “In this very moment, the target could take advantage of my agent. Gaheris could be exposed any minute from now and the extraction team is fifteen minutes away. What of the psychological trauma, Morgan?”
“He’s an agent.”
“I’m his handler –I’m his quartermaster.” Hamish turned to Morgan. “We monitor everything not only to ensure the success of the mission, but to also ensure our agents come back home –unscathed if possible, so they could continue doing their work. They are not mere tools –they are human. You need to understand that because one day, you’ll be Merlin –you’ll be quartermaster and you’ll be responsible for the life of every Kingsman agent.”
He turned back to the monitor. Nigel leaned into Eggsy’s space. Hamish can’t feel his heart beating double time, and lungs being pinched. He’s not a religious man, but he’s praying for Eggsy to wake up. Nigel’s lips touched Eggsy’s, Hamish’s pen was snapped into two –leaving his hand bleeding. Using his right hand, he typed the code for the extraction team. They are ordered to be on standby at the back of the strip club.
Nigel drew a deep breath, reeling from the ecstasy of having kissed Eggsy. The mic from the glasses picked up the rumbled of his voice. ‘You will be mine.’ It’s dangerous the amount of certainty that is present in his voice. ‘But not this way. You will be mine willingly. And I’ll savour every inch of you.’ They watch as Nigel got up from the bed and walk out of the room.
Hamish didn’t cancel the extraction team.
From the bottom of the table, he grabbed the first aid kit. He did a quick work of his hand. Once the wound was cleaned and wrapped, he pulled up the recordings from Eggsy’s glasses without turning off the feed. He is going to make sure his agent is safe while he rests.
“I’m sorry.” Morgan’s voice was soft. “I shouldn’t have said anything without knowing the full extent of the…complication and mission parameter.”
Hamish sigh as he pause the video. “I got Percival out.” He changed the topic. “You should check on him. You can even nag at him for not listening to you, but you should apologize to him for being…”
“A heartless cunt?”
He scoffed a laugh, it somehow lighten up the mood. “Go, your agent needs you.” Morgan left him to watch the recordings and the live feed.
It took almost an hour before Eggsy woke up. He shoot up straight from the bed with a gasp. Hurryingly put on the glasses. He noticed that the feed was still transmitting. ‘Eggs –Gaheris…’ He could almost cry from hearing Merlin’s voice.
“Eggsy…” He told Merlin. “You can call me Eggsy right now, I don’t feel like Eggsy but the name –when you say it…it helps.”
‘Eggsy…’ Merlin’s voice had gone soft again. He could only close his eyes and savour it. ‘I apologize for not being present when you called for me.’
“Percival needed you.”
‘I’m not his handler.’
“You’re our quartermaster. I understand that I have to share.”
Merlin’s chuckle soothe something inside of him. ‘I’ll try not to be away from now on.’
“You’ll have to sleep, too.”
‘I’ll have someone set up a work station inside my chamber –or a cot in my office, that’ll be faster.’
“You’re being ridiculous.”
‘You fainted.’ The concern in Merlin’s voice is undeniable. He wants to wrap it around his self.
“I just…” He licked his lips wet. “I was reminded of my mother and Dean. It’s exactly how he presented himself to her. Same sweet words and same promises. Then, I heard her screaming. I know –I know it’s just in my head. I tried to –to push it back and then…” And then he’s feeling confused of who he is. He sighed, he doesn’t know what’s going on with him. “Then, Morgan with the honey-pot –I don’t want an Alpha like Nigel to touch me. I don’t want him to –to…Please, don’t make me.”
‘I already told Morgan off, you have nothing to worry about. You won’t ever have to lay with an Alpha like him.’ He heard Merlin sigh from the other side. ‘I do need to tell you that he –he kissed you while you were unconscious.’
His hand automatically reached for his lips. “He –He what?” Anger cleared away his confusion, his hands clenched to a fist. He can’t articulate how furious he is at Nigel.
‘Eggsy, I’m sorry. I…’ They both know that Merlin could only do so much for him whenever he’s in the field. ‘You can get extracted right now. I can talk to Arthur.’ Merlin sounded confident. ‘We have enough information to hand over to MI6 and 5.’
“No, I –I’ll finish this mission. I can finish this. I only have a month left anyway.” He said with faux confidence and nonchalance.
The truth is, it’s not the mission that he wants to finish. It’s the time allotted for the mission. While he is confused of who he is –or who he should be, it doesn’t change the fact that he likes not having to hide his secondary gender. He feels –and thinks, that it is how things should be. Perhaps, it is as it should be.
‘Eggsy, I think you should come back, now.’ Merlin spoke the words carefully, as if the man is afraid of spooking him. ‘Nigel’s obsession over you is…reaching dangerous heights, and your reaction to him is not making things better. You’re starting to say things that –that worries me, Eggsy.’
He’s going to have to lie, he realized, if he wants to finish the mission. Still, he asks his self how badly he wants to keep pretending. But, is it pretending if he’s just being who he really should be? He run a hand over his hair, messing it up further. He likes his smell –though he can’t name two out of three in it. He likes his natural grace. He likes the soft fabrics of his clothes. There’s comfort in it. The kind he wants to keep even for just a short amount of time.
“I need to finish this, Merlin.” The desperation in his voice wasn’t a lie, but the following words will be. “He reminds me so much of my step dad, and it feels like I’m in my mother’s shoe. I think…” He doesn’t want to lie to Merlin. “I think this will help me –personally, to help my mum get away from Dean. If I can understand and see through –through their manipulative nature, then maybe I’d be able to help mum see.” He’s going to have to slip his chav accent to give a completely convincing act. “Do yous get it? I’ll be able to take me mum away, and me baby girl Daisy.”
Merlin let out a breath. ‘This is highly inappropriate.’
“I know.” He closed his eyes tightly. He knows Merlin enough to know what that action means. “I’m sorry.” For lying. He didn’t voice the last two words inside his mind.
‘Be careful.’ Merlin told him. He got what he wanted but his heart broke a little that he had to get it through lying. ‘The moment it starts to get even more dangerous, you get out of there –no buts or ifs. Out of that place and out of Nigel’s reach. Do you understand me, Eggsy?’
“Yes, Merlin…”
‘The same orders apply on Gaheris.’
He winced at that. “Yes, sir.” For a moment they were both silent. Then a thought formed in his mind. “Don’t you have anything to say to Chérie?” He said it cheekily.
‘Chérie can have anyone he wants wrapped around his finger with just a smile. If he wants to toy with Nigel he can, but I suggest he doesn’t because it is never wise to play with ones feelings.’
“You have that much faith in Chérie?”
‘It’s not Chérie I have faith in, it’s the person who created Chérie.’
He held back a sigh. Merlin would never see him as Chérie –as an Omega. In the man’s eyes, he’s either Base Beta Eggsy or Agent Gaheris. Nothing more, but maybe something less.
They bid each other goodbye, and he let his self fall back on the bed. He took the glasses off and stare off into the ceiling. He wonders how Merlin would react if he would ever find out the truth. Would he distance his self, would he court him, or would he still remain –unimportant through his eyes, just another agent?
Outrageous, the way his thoughts are taking its turns.
Back then, he would never even dare to think of Merlin beyond being his handler, quartermaster and in the earlier days –his trainer. It was clear to him, what he was to Merlin and he never thought of wanting to be anything else –because he can never be anything else. Those thoughts kept him from wanting.
But questions and suggestions sparked an ember inside him. A fire that he knows he should immediately put out. Still, he like the fiery idea. He can’t help his self from fanning it. Let it bring to life burning fantasy that would eventually hurt him.
He won’t stop –at least not now.
For now, he’ll be an Omega and he’ll fantasize about kaleidoscope eyes, crooked nose and mesmerizing lips. He’ll think of words that will never be carried by baritone voice that is laced artistically with a Scottish accent. And he’ll think of long –meticulous fingers caressing him in ways he will never be caressed. He’ll think of the person he should have been with the person that will never be his.
It’s a beautiful daydream.