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“Baby I would rather be dead
Oh, you’re the best.”
As the music faded out, David moved from his dramatic pose on the ground to grip Patrick’s thighs and lean up, finally pressing his lips to Patrick’s for the first time in too many days. Throughout his lip-sync, he’d let himself get close to Patrick’s lips, only to duck away just before Patrick closed the space between them. The last few times he’d done it had been accompanied by an amused and slightly frustrated sigh from Patrick, which David couldn’t help but feel proud of. He hadn’t forgotten how he’d had to wait hours after being serenaded by Patrick at the Open Mic before he could properly thank him.
The kiss was sweet and slow, tinged on the edges with relief. Finally, David pulled himself away and looked up, a grin pulling up the corner of his mouth. “So, does that count as an olive branch? Because it’s not nothing to flail around in a leather sweater, especially when the entire storefront is glass.”
Patrick’s eyes were warm as they took David in. “I might need you to do it again, I think I missed a few parts,” he said, voice even.
For a second, David opened his mouth to reply something equally snarky and teasing, and then shook his head. “I missed you,” he said instead, standing and pulling Patrick with him, wrapping him in a tight hug. Somewhere underneath the layers of prosecco and bravado, David could feel his heart slowly unclenching.
They stayed like that for a few long moments. David had known they’d get back together the second Patrick had grabbed his face this afternoon, but the reality of it was like falling into bed after a long day of touring gallery spaces and trying to impress everyone: familiar, comfortable, unshakably right. When Patrick finally pulled back, David had to remind himself to breathe. Patrick looked so open, so soft. David was staring into warm moonlight, basking and bathing in it.
“Ray is gone for the night,” Patrick said, pulling David out of his mental poetics. “Come home with me?”
In response David dropped his gaze, then looked back up. “I might have packed an overnight bag just in case.”
“Of course you did.”
***
The walk back to Patrick’s had been quiet, both of them reveling in the familiar newness of holding hands, thumbs brushing knuckles, lips skimming fingertips. Once they were inside and upstairs, Patrick dropped David’s hand and moved to the bed, sitting on the edge.
“David, we need to talk about this.”
Obviously David knew that was true, had already thought about the questions he wanted to ask, what he did and did not want to know, and the things he himself needed to share, but that had all been in the abstract, before he had the reality of being alone with Patrick again. “Do we, though?” he asked, taking off his shoes and sitting next to Patrick on the bed.
Patrick turned to him with that same soft look, open and vulnerable and so damn fond it made David actually squirm where he sat. “I need you to know why I didn’t talk about Rachel before.”
Cocking his head, David lifted a tentative hand and put it on Patrick’s shoulder. God, he’d missed him. Missed the way he radiated warmth, from his eyes, his skin, his words. “I think I pretty much get why you didn’t,” David finally said, looking down at his knees. “This was all new, you didn’t want me to panic, and,” he added, looking up at Patrick, “you probably weren’t expecting her to show up to a barbeque on our anniversary.”
That at least drew a smile from Patrick. “No, no I wasn’t. She’d texted me, but I didn’t think she’d actually come here.” David waited while Patrick shifted, interlacing and pushing his fingers together, clearly looking for how to say whatever he needed to say. “David, things were over between us. I left because I didn’t want to fall back into the same thing I’d been doing for a decade. I never thought.” Patrick stopped and cleared his throat. “I never thought I’d have something I wanted to protect from my past, but things were going so well with us, and I didn’t want to give you any reason to worry. I’m sorry.”
David leaned over and pressed a kiss to Patrick’s shoulder. How was he supposed to respond to that? Patrick had said he wanted to protect David from his past, even after all the little hints about David’s own carnage-strewn history. He sees you, for all that you are. That was what his mother had said. For all she knew, she was right. But David knew better. He’d meticulously made sure Patrick couldn’t see the deeper damage, always brushing it off with a casual comment or self-deprecating cloaked reference to the past. He’d spent their entire time together trying desperately to hide the broken pieces that had been left behind by person after person who used David for clout, or fame, or sex, or connections, and then had moved on. But that was before Patrick.
“I could have asked about your past, and I didn’t because I didn’t want to have to talk about my past,” David finally said in a rush. “I know you’ve pieced together that I have a less than stellar record, and it’s hard for me to...open up. To talk about that.”
David remembered Stevie, mask on her face and determination in her eyes, telling him that Patrick wasn’t going to leave just because David let him in. He’d heard it in his head a dozen times since their honeymoon overnight, as he thought about what he would say to Patrick if they ever got back together. Please be right, Stevie, please be right.
Patrick shook his head, his hands still working as he pushed his fingers together and then pulled them apart, over and over. “That first night, at Stevie’s? I should have told you then.” David distantly heard Patrick’s voice that night, teasing and chiding him to lock it up when David asked about Patrick’s history.
“To be fair,” David responded, letting a smile creep into his voice, “we were working on a pretty tight timetable that night, and bringing up your ex-fiancee probably would have cut a significant portion of that time out.” Seeing Patrick like this was terrible, agonizing over what he did and didn’t do, should and shouldn’t have done. David had half a mind to just climb onto his lap and make him stop talking, but he also knew Patrick. Knew that Patrick needed this, needed the intimacy that came with baring himself, letting himself be seen. It had never come easy to David, despite the bone-deep craving he had to be seen and chosen. But for Patrick, he was willing to try.
“I’ve spent most of my adult life, and I guess my childhood too, trying to find someone to see me, like, see me, if that makes sense,” David went on, scooting closer and putting a hand on Patrick’s knee, needing some point of contact to keep him grounded. “And every time I’ve been --” Fuck, this was a lot more difficult than he’d thought, despite all the times he’d practiced in his head. “Every time I’ve been burned, it’s come after I’ve let someone in. So it became easier to keep everyone at a comfortable distance.” He waited until he had Patrick’s warm brown eyes on his own, and shook off the instinct to break the eye contact. “There are pieces of me that feel um, broken? And I knew that if we talked about your exes, then we’d end up talking about mine, and. That’s just not something I wanted to do because I didn’t want you to leave.”
Patrick was looking at him with an expression of such, well, tenderness was really the only word for it. David squirmed again, feeling pinned down by all the affection he could read in Patrick’s face. That was not what he’d anticipated as a reaction, but at least Patrick wasn’t running out of the room. “Thank you, David. For being open with me. I know it’s not easy, and you don’t ever have to talk about things from your past if you don’t want to.” Patrick leaned in and nudged David’s cheek with his nose. “But I’m not going anywhere.”
Thank you, Stevie.
David nodded, unable to keep the smile at bay any longer. His chest felt like it was too big for his body, like he might expand and float away. Patrick was here, and wanted him, and wasn’t leaving. “Thank you, Patrick,” he said, his voice breathy.
Before David could really register it, Patrick’s hands were everywhere: sliding up his sides, roaming over his thighs, in his hair, on his cheek. And oh, oh he’d missed the way Patrick kissed. Patrick was a steady force, and his kisses were no different, steady and firm and so, so sure. David felt himself being eased back onto the bed, moved and pushed until he was laying down with Patrick astride him, eyes blazing down at him. “I can’t believe you used that song,” Patrick said, laughter on the edge of his voice, and then he was kissing David again, tongue pressing into his mouth, and David was smiling so hard that he couldn’t keep the kiss going, and then they were both laughing.
David’s sexual history had been full of people who wanted to use him, wanted him to use them, wanted to get something out of it. With Patrick, every single moment felt like it was valuable in itself. He’d never been able to laugh during sex. It was more intimate than anything else he’d ever done in bed. Patrick was looking down at him, his face positively gleeful , and David needed so much, needed Patrick to know that Patrick made him feel that way too.
With Patrick busy grinning down at him, David took advantage and rolled them over so he was straddling Patrick, and quickly started to unbutton his shirt. With each button, David bent and pressed a kiss to the exposed skin. “Missed this, too,” David mumbled, maybe hoping Patrick couldn’t hear him with his lips pressed into his stomach.
“David.”
The sound of his name in Patrick’s mouth had taken David by surprise from the beginning. He said it so often once they were together, David found himself wondering if Patrick was reminding himself that he was with a man. Now, the word held awe and want, and David was powerless. He shifted off of Patrick and stood, pulling off his sweater and undershirt, then folding them and setting them on a chair. Patrick’s gaze was intense, but David didn’t feel the need to hide for once. He sees you, for all that you are. In this moment, David found that he desperately wanted that to be true, and it meant he needed to let himself be seen.
“You’re so beautiful, do you even know?” Patrick was standing now too, hands spanning the breadth of David’s chest, fingers moving over his dark hair, teasing at a nipple, then moving down to his pants. David pushed Patrick’s shirt off and dropped his head to suck at his collarbone, wanting to leave a tangible, visible mark that Patrick let him back in. “God, David.”
The rest of their clothes came off in a jumble, and then David was on his stomach, hips canted back, while Patrick spread lube carefully over his fingers. “Please,” David whispered, not knowing exactly what he was asking for, but trusting that Patrick would. He felt one finger slide in and let out a low groan, biting down on the pillow. “Yeah, c’mon, give me another one,” he growled, craning his head to see a smug smirk on Patrick’s wholesome face.
“Bit greedy already, aren’t you?” Patrick teased, and that was worse, because David couldn’t resist, not after all their time apart.
“Yes, please, I just need you Patrick, please. ” He knew begging generally got good results, something he and Patrick had been equally delighted to discover.
“Fuck,” he heard Patrick breathe, and then bit his lip when a second finger pushed in, stretching him around it as he pumped in and out. David didn’t even have time to feel victorious over wrenching a curse out of Patrick before a third finger was pushing in, making David whine as the stretch burned deliciously.
“Patrick, please, please, just --” David stopped when suddenly there was no contact, no fingers at all. “Okay, that’s not what I meant,” he started, and then he was on his back, staring up at Patrick, who had a hungrier expression than David had ever seen.
“I need to see your face while I fuck you,” Patrick said, his voice low. It sent a jolt straight through David, and he nodded helplessly, palming his own cock to quell some of the building release. He watched Patrick slide a condom onto himself, then apply more lube. Patrick moved between David’s legs, pulling them around himself as he lined up, and then infuriatingly just dragged his cock up and down the cleft of David’s ass, eyes twinkling. “What do you need, David? Tell me.”
Fuck. It was so much harder to ask when he could see Patrick’s face, too many memories too close to the surface of partners humiliating him in bed, and not in the way he liked. But Patrick was Patrick, he reminded himself. I’m not going anywhere . “I need to feel you inside me, I need your cock deep inside,” he said, flushing down to his neck. It was true; he needed it now more than ever, now that he’d laid himself bare, needed to know that Patrick would always be there to collect his broken pieces.
Patrick licked his lips. “So good, David,” he praised, sending another zap through David’s body. He kept his eyes fixed on David’s face as he slowly pushed in, and David managed to look right back, resisting the urge to let his eyes roll back as he was filled inch by inch. When Patrick was fully inside, David tightened his legs around Patrick’s waist, digging his heels in just above his ass. Patrick stayed still, letting them both adjust, their breaths mingling. This felt more significant than the first time Patrick had fucked David, or even than the first time David had fucked Patrick. More than those times, this was an active choice to keep moving forward together.
“Okay, I really need you to move? Because I might die if you don’t,” David murmured, hands running up and down Patrick’s back.
Patrick huffed out a laugh and dropped his forehead to David’s shoulder. “Can’t have that happen, not right after we get back together,” he said quietly, and then gave a slow roll of his hips, not quite thrusting but moving. “Oh my god, you feel gorgeous,” he whispered, pulling back to kiss David.
David wanted to press the issue and get Patrick to keep moving, but it was hard to remember that, or anything, while being kissed by Patrick Brewer. David kissed back, his hands moving up to Patrick’s hair, scratching gently at his scalp while they licked at each other, biting and nipping and sucking until David finally had to pull back because he needed more . “Patrick, please, please. Fuck me, please,” he said, moving his hips and sighing at the shift of Patrick’s cock inside him.
“Yes, David, yeah, let me just --” Patrick dug his knees into the bed and pulled almost all the way out before sliding back in, smooth and steady. “Oh,” he groaned, eyes wide and lips dark and kiss-stained.
David nodded wildly, raking his fingernails down Patrick’s back as he kept the same deep, slow rhythm. “Patrick, oh my god,” he breathed, head falling back. He felt Patrick’s teeth on his arched neck and moaned in approval, rolling his hips to match Patrick. “I’m not...fuck, I’m not going to last, touch me?”
Patrick lifted his head and kissed David again, sloppy and imprecise as he picked up the pace. “You feel so good for me, David, so good,” he said, hand moving between them to grip David’s cock and pump it, smearing the precome leaking from the tip to slick his shaft. “You can come for me, I want to see it,” Patrick urged, dropping kisses onto David’s jaw, and honestly it wasn’t fair how composed he was, given that David felt like he was shaking apart from the inside.
“Harder, Patrick, fuck me harder, please, I need to, I need it.”
With a groan, Patrick rocked his hips more forcefully, matching the speed with his hand on David’s cock. He started to swipe his thumb over the slit on each downward motion, and David cried out as he angled so Patrick was hitting perfectly into him with each thrust. After another three pumps to his cock, David bit off a loud cry of “fuck!” and came onto his stomach and chest, his vision going momentarily blurry except for Patrick’s face, looking down at him with a gentleness that juxtaposed his relentless pace.
As David came back to himself, he pushed on Patrick’s shoulders. “Wait, I want.” He swallowed and focused. “I want you to come in my mouth.”
Patrick’s hips stilled and his mouth fell open again. “Jesus, yeah, okay, just.” He pulled out with a hiss and removed the condom. “How do you want it?”
David scooted up so his head was propped up by the pillow. “Like this. Fuck my mouth.”
“God,” Patrick breathed, then ducked down and kissed David hard. After a moment he pulled back and crawled up David’s body until he was kneeling above David’s chest, looking down at him with a hand wrapped around the base of his cock. “You are so…” Patrick shook his head, stopping himself from whatever was at the end of that thought. Instead, he pushed the head of his cock into David’s waiting mouth, eyes closing at the sensation of it. “Fuck,” he moaned.
This, David knew. He’d spent weeks, months, learning how Patrick liked to be sucked off, and he wanted to make him feel so good. One hand moved to Patrick’s chest, resting just above his heart, while the other reached around to grip Patrick’s ass, pulling him deeper into his mouth. He felt a wave of fondness when Patrick’s hand came up to hold the hand on his chest. Then Patrick’s other hand was in David’s hair, holding his head still, and David hummed around Patrick’s cock as he felt him start to thrust. Hollowing out his cheeks, David laved his tongue on the underside, curling it up each time Patrick pulled back and smirking at the gasp it drew from Patrick.
“Oh, that’s so good, you’re so good David, yeah, just like that, I’m so close,” Patrick chanted, his hips rocking back and forth into David’s mouth, the head of his dick hitting the back of David’s throat with every other thrust. He gave David’s hair two quick tugs, and David met his eyes, nodding. Patrick bit his lip and kept his eyes locked on David as he pulled back so just the head of his cock was in David’s mouth. Two thrusts later, Patrick was coming, with David eagerly licking and swallowing around him. When he finished, Patrick pulled out and flopped on his side next to David, breathing heavily. “God.”
David rolled onto his side so he could look at Patrick, one corner of his mouth curving up. “Yeah, um that was. Wow.”
Patrick closed the distance between them and kissed David thoroughly, a steady hand holding his face. “Thank you for letting me in,” he said, his face so sincere it made David flush again.
“I mean, I love sucking you off, so,” David teased.
Patrick just smiled back at him. “I need to clean you up.” He made a move to roll off the bed, but David reached out and put a hand on his shoulder.
“Can you just. Stay? For a minute?”
Softly, so softly, Patrick moved close and pressed his forehead to David’s. “I’m not going anywhere.”