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Souji looked terrible when he opened the door. There was a tired, blank expression on his face and that, combined with the fact that he was in his sleeping clothes, reminded Yosuke of just how late it was. He shouldn't have come over; it wasn't like he had anything important to say, but the smile that came to Souji's face when he saw who it was went in a long way in erasing Yosuke's guilt.
"Hey, what's up?"
Yosuke shrugged, trying to appear casual, as if he always arrived at Souji's house after dark. "I just wanted to hang out." Souji looked over his shoulder to the glow of the streetlights and he flushed. "But, uh, it's pretty late, isn't it? I'll just come back—"
"No, it's okay." He gestured for Yosuke to come in and slid the door closed behind him.
"Who's here?" Dojima asked, slumped on the couch. Nanako was fixed in her usual spot in front of the television set and together they were watching some variety show. She smiled at him and Yosuke waved back.
"Yosuke," Souji said, taking his coat and hanging it up. Yosuke let it go reluctantly, wishing he had something to do with his hands instead of simply standing around while Dojima glared at him.
"It's late, Hanamura." He looked worn out, probably busy all day with the murder case, but his voice was clear and sharp and he didn't sound pleased. Yosuke felt his doubts about coming over rise up again. "Anything particular you need?"
"He can stay for a while, right?" Souji asked before he could try and come up with an answer. "Just an hour?"
Dojima looked at Souji and his face softened. Yosuke could see why; Souji cut a pitiful figure, his hands balled up in the sleeves of his long nightshirt, and the better lighting revealed bags under his eyes. He looked tired in a way Yosuke rarely saw, something different than the exhaustion that came from fighting Shadows for hours.
"Just…a while," Dojima said reluctantly. "No loud noises and remember that you've got school tomorrow."
"Thanks." Souji smiled gratefully and lead Yosuke upstairs. Yosuke waved bye to Nanako and swallowed hard when he caught the warning look Dojima shot him.
He guessed first impressions never went away. Maybe after all the weapon waving, Dojima thought he was going to be a bad influence on Souji.
Souji's work table was covered in paper, stacks of it, and he took a spot in front of it as soon as they entered the room. Yosuke raised an eyebrow and settled on the couch.
"You writing letters or something?"
"Folding envelopes," Souji said, starting to do just that. "Part-time job."
Yosuke remembered him mentioning that. He'd taken it shortly after starting his translating job and Yosuke'd said it sounded dull as shit. Watching Souji work, he realized he'd been right. "If you're busy, I can come back another time."
"They're just envelopes," Souji said. "I can talk and fold at the same time. Plus, I've wanted to see you. We keep missing each other."
And that was the exact reason Yosuke had come over so late on a school night; it increased the odds of getting to see Souji, and, more specifically, Souji when he wasn't surrounded by friends from school. He didn't think he had some special claim to Souji's time, not really – although they were partners – but it seemed like forever since they'd gotten together, just the two of them (although he knew by the text messages on his phone that it'd only been a week).
He was surprisingly lonely without Souji around.
Not that Yosuke could say that, of course, without sounding all weird. He went with, "You've been busy as hell lately," which made it sound as if everything were Souji's fault. That wasn't exactly true, given the time he'd been working at Junes and doing homework, so he added, "Our schedules aren't matching."
"That's mostly my fault," Souji said, putting aside an envelope and starting on a new one. "Stuff just keeps coming up: I've been tasting Yukiko's cooking and that made me sick the other day; my new job at the daycare is tougher than I'd thought it be; the lady at the hospital seriously creeps me out, I might quit…"
Yosuke doubted that. He hadn't known Souji to quit because of anything and some touchy-feely nurse wouldn't be the thing to drive him to it.
"I'm starting to wonder why I bother to go to basketball practice, we don't play anyone…" Frustration crept into Souji's voice and his hand slipped, ripping the paper in half. He stared at it for a moment, surprised, before putting it off to the side. "But you didn't come to listen to me complain. What's up?"
"Not much. Junes has been alright this week, but we've got a sale coming up and that's going to suck, I just know it. It's one of those one-day things, you know, where all the prices are crazy for only twelve hours or something."
"If you need a hand, let me know."
Yosuke shook his head. "No, I'll just get those girls to come in. That's why they work there." The look Souji gave him clearly said Good luck with that but Yosuke hadn't come over to ask Souji to help him with his job, no matter that his dad was pushing him to find help. "How many of those do you have to make?"
"Five hundred?" Souji said vaguely, sounding unsure. "Something like that."
"And how many have you made?"
"A hundred, maybe."
"You want me to help?" Yosuke felt like a bump on a log, sitting and running his mouth while Souji did something productive, even if it was as boring as folding envelopes.
"No, I've got it." He picked up another sheet of paper and Yosuke stared at his fingers as they moved. He couldn't help it; Souji had nice hands. "Tell me something else."
"Like what?"
"Anything." He smiled. "Just keep talking and distract me."
Yosuke was about to say that he probably shouldn't be distracted while working but decided against it. If Souji wanted to listen to him blab, he was more than happy to oblige. The problem was finding something worth talking about. He racked his brain for a topic and when nothing came to mind he took his eyes off of Souji – who was still looking at him and smiling in a soft, easy way that was starting to make Yosuke blush – and glanced around the room for inspiration. Souji's school books were on his desk, little post-it flags sticking out of the sides. "You ready for that test Monday?"
Souji ripped another envelope. He didn't appear to notice. "That's this week?"
"Yeah." Yosuke frowned. "You forgot?" Usually, Souji was the one reminding him about tests, not the other way around.
"I…guess so." He glared the ruined piece of paper. "I'll have to study Sunday."
"How about we do it together tomorrow?" Yosuke tried not to sound too eager but wasn't sure he succeeded. Not only did studying with Souji always bring up his grades, but he'd finally get him to himself for a while.
"I can't." Souji shut his eyes for a moment, looking as tired as he had when he'd opened the front door. "I'm busy."
"Oh."
"Sorry," Souji said immediately. "I want to, really, but I told Ai I'd take her shopping, and Kou and Daisuke want to see a movie, and I planned to fish so I could get a new weapon from that old man at the docks, and—"
"Whoa, calm down, man." Yosuke held up his hand. "It's alright."
"Sorry," Souji said again and rubbed his eyes.
"Don't sweat it. Mind if I look at your notes?" At Souji's nod, he made his way over to the desk and starting looking through the papers. Souji always took better notes than he did, neat and organized with little reminders of which pages to look at for more information. Some of them had even been color coded with highlighters. "These are great. What if I pay you to start making copies for me?"
Souji laughed.
He looked at the door and lowered his voice. "Hey, when are we going back in the TV? Daidara said he could make me some new knives if we brought him something."
"That's right, your last ones snapped, didn't they?" The happy look disappeared, replaced by a frown, and Yosuke regretted bringing the subject up. They didn't have to talk about the TV world every day, after all. "Don't worry, I've got it covered. I'll hop in tomorrow and grab some stuff from the pile of junk we've been building up."
"Cool. Call me up and I'll come with you," he said, but Souji was shaking his head before he finished.
"I'll do it myself. It'll just take a second."
It was Yosuke's turn to frown. "Souji, you can't do it by yourself. That was our promise, remember? No one goes in alone."
Souji didn't meet his eyes.
"…You've been doing it, haven't you?" Yosuke didn't believe the words as they came out of his mouth, but when Souji continued to stare at the table and absently crumple a partially folded envelope, Yosuke knew he was right. "What the hell, partner?"
"It's only been for a minute or two to grab the stuff we collect so I can get it to Daidara," Souji said. "I never go anywhere except the back lot."
"We don't go in alone."
"Teddie's always there," Souji pointed out, the paper in his hands rapidly becoming a pile of scraps. He still wouldn’t meet Yosuke's eyes and his shoulders were tense.
"Teddie doesn't count," Yosuke snapped. "He wasn't part of the promise – our promise—dammit, Souji, something could happen in there when you're by yourself!"
It was all too easy to picture Souji alone in the TV world, some Shadow taking him by surprise and leaving him for dead, Yosuke finding his body hung from an antenna a few days later. That Souji had tempted fate made him ball up his fists and shake with barely repressed anger.
"I have to get the stuff Daidara needs to make us equipment, don't I?" Souji shot back, finally meeting his eyes. "We can't carry it out of Junes all at once so I've got to get it when I can."
"Then call me," Yosuke said like it was the most obvious answer in the world because it was and how could Souji not see that, what the hell was he thinking? "I'll come in with you."
"I can't, I'm busy," and there was something about the way Souji said the last word that sounded tense and almost hopeless, like he meant it in a way that Yosuke didn't, couldn't, understand. "I don’t know when I'm going to get a spare second so I sneak them in. I can't just call you up whenever and drag you off."
"Of course you can!"
He didn't realize he was screaming until the house fell silent, the TV downstairs gone mute.
"What's going on up there?" Dojima shouted.
Yosuke didn't answer. He lowered his arms, unsure of when he'd raised them, and kept glaring at Souji, chest heaving, as Souji opened the door and answered. "Sorry, we're just having a disagreement."
"Are you fighting?"
"A little, Nanako-chan, but it's alright. We're making up now. Sorry about the noise, Dojima-san, it won't happen again." He looked at Yosuke, who transferred his glare to his own shoes.
"…Alright." Dojima sounded like he wanted to come up and check but instead the television started up again.
Souji closed the door.
"Call me," Yosuke said, voice tight. "I don't care when it is or what I'm doing, just let me know and I'll find a way to meet you. Don't you ever going into that fucking television set by yourself again, Souji."
Souji rested his head against the doorframe and didn't say anything.
"Souji—"
"I know." He glanced over his shoulder. "It was…stupid. It's worse than stupid, it was dangerous. It's just…I'm sorry." He turned and met Yosuke's eyes. "It won't happen again, I promise. Not that that stopped me last time, but…I mean it. Really."
"It scares the shit out of me," Yosuke said, "the idea of you in there alone, of something happening and me not knowing, not being able to reach you or find you and…"
Souji in a box, Souji dead because he went to get some damn nuts and bolts to make Yosuke new knives. The thought made him sick.
"I'm sorry," Souji repeated. He sounded tired and more than ever Yosuke was aware of the way his shoulders sagged and the dark circles under his eyes. "I didn't mean to make you worry about me."
"Yeah, well, you did." It came out all petulant and Yosuke felt like an ass for saying it when something was obviously wrong with Souji but at the same time it made him feel better, in a petty sort of way.
"Sorry, sorry." Souji stumbled over to him, threw his arms around Yosuke's neck, and nosed his throat. Yosuke froze but Souji sagged against him and kept mumbling the word over and over.
"Hey, partner…" Caught off guard, Yosuke hesitantly put his arms around Souji's waist. "You okay?"
"I'm just tired," Souji said, lips moving against Yosuke's skin. Yosuke felt his eyes close. "I need to replace your knives and get new armor for Kanji, and Nanako wants to make dinner together tomorrow so I can't miss that, and there's that test to study for…"
He tried to press closer to Yosuke and made him stumble. Something wet hit Yosuke's neck and rolled down his shirt.
"Hey, hey, calm down, alright?" Yosuke rubbed at his back but that just seemed to make Souji cry harder. He didn't make any noises while he did it, just let out a shaky breath and hid his face.
"There's so much to do… I'll be alright, just give me a second."
"No, it's fine. Take all the time you need." Yosuke eyed the couch and with some careful maneuvering he was able to get them onto it. Souji stretched out next to him, almost on top of him because of the lack of space, fingers clutching Yosuke's shirt and face still hidden. "Just relax, alright?"
"I shouldn't have gone into the TV alone."
"No," Yosuke agreed, "but it's over and done with so let's let it drop for now. Just relax, partner."
"I won't do it again," Souji assured him. "I wasn't trying to go back on my word, I just…there's always stuff to do, something that needs to be done or someone that needs my attention and the next thing I knew I was in the TV because I couldn't find the time to contact anyone to go with me. And all I've wanted to do all week is hang out with you and now I've ruined that and made you mad at me."
The admission made Yosuke feel trusted and uncomfortable and pleased all at once. He wanted to hear it, he wanted Souji to be comfortable enough with him to tell him his thoughts, but Yosuke was terrible at comforting people. He especially wasn't sure how to deal with a Souji who cried and kept apologizing, so he settled for awkwardly rubbing his back. It seemed to work; Souji sighed and wiped his eyes with his sleeve, some of the tension leaving his body so that he rested against Yosuke heavier than before.
"I'm not mad at you," he said. "Well, no, I am, but it's okay. We'll talk about it when you're feeling better. What are you supposed to be doing tomorrow?"
"Shopping with Ai, going to a movie, cooking dinner—" With each word, Souji's voice got duller.
"Right, right, I remember. Cancel it," Yosuke said, "everything. Except dinner with Nanako, of course. Just go to school tomorrow and relax. Do whatever you want but nothing you planned. You look terrible, Souji, and you must feel like crap. You can't keep this up."
"Don't do anything, huh? That sounds nice."
"Not anything, don’t just lounge around the house eating junk. Unless you want to, I guess. Whatever makes you feel good."
"What if I want to call you over?"
Souji's breath was still hitting his neck and one of his hands had ended up on Yosuke's waist. He didn't seem like he was going to move it anytime soon, and Yosuke shifted. Now was not the time to get caught up in thought of how nice it felt against him. "If you want to, sure, I'd like that. We could…do whatever you want to do, I guess."
"Hmm."
Souji fell silent. Since he seemed to like it, Yosuke continued to rub his back, the movement less awkward the more he repeated it. Souji didn't seem to want him to talk anymore, which let him lie there and listen to Souji breathe. Gradually, his breathing became deeper and more even and his grip on Yosuke's shirt slackened. It took a while to figure out how to get from under him without waking him up, but soon Yosuke was covering him up with a blanket taken from the futon, wondering all the while why Souji felt like he had to do so much and kicking himself for not noticing his friend's problem earlier. Some partner he was.
Dojima was alone downstairs and watching the news, Nanako undoubtedly in bed. Yosuke looked at the clock; he hadn't stayed the whole hour but it was still late enough that his parents would have something to say to him when he got home.
"Souji fell asleep on the couch," he said, uncomfortable under Dojima's gaze.
He half-expected Dojima to say something like, 'And what the hell were you two doing that made him so tired?' but to his surprise Dojima actually looked relieved.
"That's good to hear. Damn kid's been staying up late too often. I'll help him to his futon in a bit." He stood with a heavy sigh and walked over. He didn't do anything particularly intimidating, but Yosuke took a step back all the same. "You two figure out whatever you were fighting over?"
"Yeah." Yosuke went red, embarrassed that he'd been overheard.
"Look," Dojima said after he'd stared at him for a minute, "I'm not going to ask what it was. I'm not even going to ask what you've all been doing concerning the murder investigation or why he's always hanging out at Junes' electronic department. But he's wearing himself out and making himself sick."
"I know," Yosuke said, "we talked about that."
"Did you? Good. I'm going to be blunt, Hanamura. I'm not entirely sure about you and I can't say I'm happy Souji's hanging out with you, but he likes you and that counts for something. I know he doesn't like leaning on other people but help him out, alright?" The way Dojima stared at him, it wasn't really a request.
"I will. We're—" He was about to say 'partners' but caught himself, unsure whether Souji had revealed that fact to Dojima or if it would just make him more suspicious. "—really close. I'll take care of him."
Dojima nodded and walked him to the door. "It's late; your parents will be worried. Call next time, will you?"
"Yeah, sorry about that." Yosuke grabbed his stuff and walked out. They stood staring at each other awkwardly from opposite sides of the door.
"Well, goodnight," Dojima said finally.
"Night," Yosuke said, and the door closed.
Yosuke stood in front of the house a few minutes longer, finding the window to Souji's room and staring at it. Not that he expected Souji's head to pop up; he'd been out cold when Yosuke left him.
How had he missed it? He'd figured Souji'd been busy this week, yeah, but nothing like this, wearing himself out enough to cry himself to sleep. Souji didn't have to do everything, leader or not. Yosuke could take care of getting their equipment from Daidara. He could go to the Shiroku Store and buy the items they needed too. Hell, he'd do whatever Souji needed him to if it meant taking some of the weight off his shoulders.
Souji usually made him feel good about himself. It'd been a long time since Yosuke'd felt this useless.
He'd do better from now on, he decided, shoving his hands into his pockets and starting home. He'd keep Souji from taking on more than he could handle and pushing himself to exhaustion.
Souji was always there for him. Now Yosuke was going to return the favor.