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Prologue
This is the story of me and my family. Throughout the years, you would all come to realize that family doesn’t end in blood. Family is made up of the people who have your back through all the shit that life throws at you. It is made of the people who prevent you from taking your own life because life is shit and you can’t take it anymore. You would realize this after taking on multiple apocalipsis, leviathans, and a bunch of other things. You would realize this while sitting around, talking with your brothers and their angel and his adopted son, the nephilim. But this is not the story of that. This is the story of what happened and all of the events that led up to this moment. My name is Grayson Winchester and this is my story.
You and your twin were about four years old when your life changed forever. Then six months later, your life changed again. You were about four when you and your brother found out that you would have a younger brother. His name was Samuel, but you and Dean called him Sam, and you were so excited that you would be a big sister. Then, on the night of his six month birthday, your mom burned on his ceiling. Your father ran to wake you and Dean, and handed you Sam, while telling you all to run and not look back. You did, while also wondering what could be going on. When you, Dean, and Sammy had gotten far enough away from the house, you all turned around to look. You couldn’t see your father at all.
“Daddy!” you screamed as loud as you could, while also being careful to not scream in Sammy’s ears. All you could feel was the heat from the fire, and the desperation of not being able to see your father.
Then he was there, grabbing you and Dean, while also making sure to not hurt Sam. As he carried you to the Impala, you kept looking back at the house, wondering what was going to happen and what you guys were going to do.
Chapter 1
“I’ll be right back Virgil. I’m running to the store for some stuff, so do you need anything while I’m out?”
“Yeah, can you grab me some more purple paint?”
“Sure.” You smiled and shook your head as you headed out. It had been about 22 years since the incident, and you had gotten out. You had to, otherwise if no monster had killed you, then your father certainly would have, had you come out. That was your problem. You had no problem with who you were, and your roommate had no problems with it, but your father definitely did. He would always dis people who even looked different compared to what his definition of normal was. It was hell, honestly. So you got out. You left even before Sam did, but you knew that he was planning on leaving. You knew that he had gotten accepted to Stanford, he had gotten a full ride, which you were proud of, but you knew that Dean would hate it because he didn’t want to lose his only family. So you kept his secret and yours, as you left in the middle of the night.
‘Dang it,’ you thought. ‘I haven’t thought about this in a long time, so why did I suddenly bring it up?’ You sighed aloud. You couldn’t very well talk to yourself out loud, otherwise people would think that you were crazy. But it was even worse in your head, because then all that was left to talk back to you was your thoughts, and those weren’t always the nicest things in the world. You walked out of the elevator in your apartment, just wanting to do this and be done. Even though you had left the life behind, you were still cautious, especially when you outside and alone. You did carry a silver knife in your boot, and a flask of holy water in your bag, because while you had gotten out of the life, you weren’t stupid. And silver works on most creatures, and holy water just in case you come across a demon. As you headed down the street to the store, you saw something that made your blood run cold.
It was just a passing glance, but you swore you saw your father’s Impala. You began to panic, hoping it wasn’t them. You looked again and the panic began to turn into full on anxiety. You only hoped that they wouldn’t recognize you, however, when you left you took steps to prevent that. You used to have long dirt brown hair, and now you had a light purple undercut and multiple piercings in each ear. And you had grown significantly, height wise and in other ways.
You had somehow, during the beginning of your panic attack, pulled out your phone and called Virgil. He picked on the first ring, which surprised you because he never picked up that soon.
“What’s wrong?” he questioned.
“My dad’s in town and I’m panicking because I don’t know what to do!” your voice had somehow become both louder and more obvious. You saw a head spin toward you and you just about passed out on the spot. It was Sam, the brother who left, but then again, you were the deserter. You had left for no reason, at least in their eyes. You watched as he tapped someone on the shoulder and said something that you couldn’t hear. Everything was just fading into a buzz, and the only thing that you could remotely decipher was Virgil’s voice, trying to calm you down, but he was failing. You ended up just hanging up on him, knowing that you would regret that decision later.
Chapter 2
You had turned around, and out of the corner of your eye, saw your brothers walking over towards you. You were still panicking, but you had regained some semblance of control over yourself. ‘It will be alright. You’ll see. They aren’t your father. They aren’t John. Sam will be better than Dean because he hated John as well, but Dean? He was John’s “Little Soldier.” The golden child. Oh well, it’s 2008. Accept it or get out of my life.’ And with that mentality, you turned around to face them and gasped. Sam’s face was slashed up and slowly dripping blood, but Dean was nowhere to be found.
“Sam, where’s Dean?” You inquired, fearing the worst, but hoping that you were wrong.
“He’s…. dead.” he choked out, with the voice of someone who has barely come to terms with that fact himself. You felt something break inside of you. Your twin was dead, and you had felt nothing and done nothing. You couldn’t take it, but you weren’t going to run off on your baby brother, not again. You went to go pull him into a hug, but then at the last second pulled back, not sure if he would want comfort from someone who had left him. But, as you were pulling back, he just grabbed you, him not having any hesitation about pulling you into a hug. You reached up, cause dang! that kid had grown up fast, and wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him close, trying to give him comfort, but not sure how. You weren’t the most touchy feely person, having not been given that much affection from John (you decided then and there that you were done calling him your father) and not remembering that well the affection from your mother. Virgil wasn’t the biggest physical affection person either, so that worked out well.
“How?” you whispered, trying your very best to keep yourself together for your brother. You were sure the last thing that he needed was someone to break down on him. So you tried your best to pull yourself together while still providing comfort to Sam.
“Hellhounds. But it’s a longer story than that.” he mumbled, still clutching at you, trying and failing to pull himself together.
“Alright. Do you have someplace to stay or were you just going to find a shoddy motel to sleep in? Cause either way, you’re coming with me. I’m not losing my little brother again.” you declared, hoping that he would agree and come with you. You didn’t have to wait long for his answer, because it seemed he had made up his mind the minute you finished speaking. He nodded his head, and then stood up, although he did seem to stick close to you.
“Come on, let's get back to my apartment so you can just chill.” you stated simply, still trying to not overwhelm him. You turned both of you around, but then you had a thought. You should probably call Virgil and let him know that you were coming back early and were bringing someone with you. You then dug out your phone and hit dial on his contact.
“Hey, Virgil, I’m………”
Chapter 3
You poked your head into your room, trying to see if Sam had woken up yet. It was the next morning, and you want to get dressed, but all of your clothes were in your room and Sam was the lightest sleeper you knew, not ever Dean or John slept that light. You wanted your baggy sweatshirt and sweatpants because your dysphoria was really shining through today. But alas, you couldn’t, not if you didn’t want Sam to know your deepest darkest secret. Not even Virgil knew, but he thought that he did. Granted, you didn’t intend for anyone to find out, but you never know. So, you were extremely careful with everything that you did and said. No one knew, as far as you know, but that could change if Sam woke up at all while you were trying to get your clothes, then you were flat out screwed.
“Hey, Grayson! Where are you at?” you heard shouted from the other room and winced. He really has no sense of chill here, does he?
“I’m getting my clothes!” you call back, quickly turning around to see if Sam had woken up during that whole thing. He hadn’t, which really spoke to had tired he was. Yesterday, you both had came back upstairs and went inside. You sent Sam off to bed, telling him that he could talk to you the next day. You then had to turn around and both apologize to Virgil, and explain to him what was happening. You told him that Dean was dead and that Sam might stay with them for awhile. However, you didn’t tell him about the life or the creatures that you had hunted. It’s not that you didn’t trust him, you did, you were just worried about how he would react. You heard rustling behind you and froze.
“Grayson? Is that you?” you heard from behind you.
“Yeah, its me Sammy. You should go back to sleep, you had a long night.” you replied, hoping that he would accept it, but alas, he didn’t. You heard him sit up, and run his hands through his hair to try and tame it. Then you felt his burning gaze on your back.
“What are you wearing Grayson?” you winced under his tone, hoping that Virgil would call out to you and save you from this conversation, but he didn’t.
“What’s it to you Sam?” you snapped, not wanting to deal with this level of sass at this early in the morning.
“I care about you, that’s what. I want to know what you’re hiding and why you’re hiding it from me. I want to know why you left that night.” he trailed off towards the end, looking once again like a lost, kicked puppy waiting for a family to take him in. You hated that look. It was the one that he always used when he was trying, and majority of the time it worked. Dean always gave in, and you weren’t much better. He would always use it when he wanted to get extra candy or treats, or maybe a toy from the store. You knew Dean wasn’t above stealing, but you had some moral sense that said it was wrong. But you also couldn’t refuse your brother, so you did what you had to. You weren’t proud of it, but hey, who would be? You hated what you had to do, but there was no other way. You were spiraling, and you couldn’t stop it. You were starting to see black at the edges of your vision and you couldn’t stop it, but you didn’t really want to stop it. You honestly just wanted this to all be a nightmare and to wake up in the morning, to go to your crappy job at the local library, come back to the apartment and have dinner, while bugging Virgil all the while. ‘You just wanted this day to be over’, you thought as you passed out.
Chapter 4
‘My head hurts.’ was your first thought when you woke up. Then you remember what happened last night or yesterday, whenever it was, you didn’t know. You attempted to open your eyes, but when you cracked them open, the light blinded your eyes and forced you to shut them ASAP.
“Hey, she’s awake!” you heard from the side of you, but because your mind was so clouded, you couldn’t tell who it was. It was probably Sam because you weren’t that close to Virgil, although you had never passed out, so you never know.
“Can someone turn off whatever light that is?” you croaked out, hoping that they would be able to hear you. You felt the pressure of the light leave your eyeballs and everything became dark. You slowly began to open your eyes, and the first thing, or person that you saw was Sam.
“How’re you feeling? You almost hit your head on the corner of your dresser when you passed out. I barely caught you in time.” he whispered, clearly trying to keep his voice down, so as to not hurt your head. You appreciated that, although you hoped that that wouldn’t result in you being treated like a child for the next couple of days.
“My head hurts and now I’m hungry.” you answered, hoping that he would get the hint and get you some food and some pain pills.
“Could I get some Mac N Cheese?” you questioned,not even giving him a chance to respond, and really wanting some food.You also were not looking forward to the ensuing conversation that you knew would happen whether you wanted it to or not. You knew that Sam wouldn’t let the topic go easily, or really at all. He never let anything go when you were younger and you doubted that anything had changed since then.
“Yeah, sure, but you know avoiding this conversation isn’t going to make it go away. I hope you know that whatever you say isn’t going to change my opinion of you. You’re my older sibling and nothing you could say, unless of course you murder someone in cold blood, will ever change that.” You frowned. You had a feeling that he would be supportive, but you still didn’t know how he would react. It seemed as if he was trying, but it also seemed like he didn’t really know exactly what he was talking about. But you would rather tell them, then have Sam get killed and never have told him at all. You were already regretting not telling Dean before he got murdered by hellhounds, which would be a discussion for a later date.
“Okay, fine. You do deserve to know, but I’m not saying anything until I get my food and Virgil is here. He also deserves to know. Now, no offense, but where is my food?” you urged, hoping that it would be done soon, cause you were getting hungry.
“Right here.” said a new voice.
“Hey Virgil. Thanks for the food.” you thanked him, grateful for your roomates knowledge of what foods you liked most of the time, and this was something that you just loved to have. You took the proffered bowl of pasta and melted cheese, sniffing it and smiling in anticipation. While you would love nothing more than to dig in right away, you knew that there was a decent amount of things that had to be cleared up before you could eat.
“So, even though I would love nothing more than to just eat my food and be done with this conversation. First though, I have a question. Who got me dressed?” you wondered.
“Sam did. I would have, but I had a feeling that that would have made you mad. Plus, Sam’s your brother, so it makes a little bit more sense for him to do it instead of me.” answered Virgil. ‘Well, at least it was someone in my family,’ you thought ideally.
Chapter 5
“Alright, well thanks for that Sammy. Now, I have something to tell you. You both probably have many guesses as to what it is, but neither of you are probably right. But first, I need to ask, what do you know of the LGBTQ+ community?” At this point, even though it was your brother and best friend/roommate, you were terrified. It didn’t matter that Virgil himself was gay, or that you were ninety percent sure that Sam was bisexual. What mattered was if they would care. If they would still accept you for who you are, and not judge you for it. You didn’t really care if they did, but you would prefer if they did.
“I know that it stands for Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Queer and then some. It is a spectrum of people who are either not straight, aren’t cisgender, or a combination of both. It also shows people that there is a place for them to belong even when they don’t see one for themselves.” Surprisingly this answer came from Sam, not Virgil, who you thought would be the one to answer first. But then again, Sam probably wanted you to know that even if he didn’t always understand, he would try his very best.
“Right. But those are both just labels and they also only cover a very small amount of people. I personally am gay, but I’m also asexual. That means that I like men, but I’m sex-repulsed, at least that’s what it means for me. It could mean something entirely different for someone else.” Virgil responded. It startled you, because you knew that he was gay, but you didn’t know that he was asexual.
“Look, guys. You both mean a heck of a lot to me, and I would hate to lose either of you, so I’m just going to tell you both now before I lose my nerve. I’m omnisexual and genderfluid1” You practically shouted that last part before curling in on yourself and began to cry. You felt one pair of arms go around your waist, and another pair hesitantly wrap around your shoulders. You were sobbing at this point, not wanting to look up. You felt yourself be pulled into a hug and not caring who it was, you threw your arms around them and just sobbed into their shirt. You felt bad for ruining their shirt, but you needed this. You needed the comfort. You had held this secret in for far too long and you needed to tell someone before it ate you alive. You still knew that if John was still alive that he wouldn’t approve, but at this point you didn’t care. You had Sam and Virgil. If they decided to abandon you, then so be it, but at least you told them.
“Hey, it’s okay to cry. Let it out. I’m here, I’ve got you. I’ll make sure that no one hurts you, not even Dean whenever he comes back. I still love you. You’re my older sibling and I’ll always love you for who you are. Who you love and what gender you are doesn’t define who you are as a person. You are who you choose to be.” And with those words you just sobbed harder. You needed the comfort and you had people here who were willing to help you and comfort you. It was great and you loved it but you didn’t know how long it would last. You had a feeling that Virgil was disappointed, but you also knew that he wasn’t going to say anything until later because he wasn’t a cruel person, but you also needed to clear up something with him.
“Virgil? If you’re wondering why I didn’t tell you, don’t think it’s because of anything you did. It’s because of John. I knew how he would react if I ever told him, so I didn’t know exactly how you might react. Once you came out to me, then I figured that I was good, but I still didn’t know how you might think of me with the whole genderfluid stuff. So I hid it. I wanted to tell you, I really did, but I was petrified. But once I found Sam, I figured it was time. I don’t want to lose either of you, and I don’t want to have not told you and have one of you possibly get killed or just die before I told you.” You had sat up sometime during your speech, but you were still hugging Sam, although you held out a hand to Virgil and he, for some odd reason, accepted it without question.
“Okay, since it seems that none of us want to get up and do anything, or even go to our own rooms, how about we have a sleepover in here and watch movies for the rest of the day?” Virgil suggested, surprising both of you. You knew he wasn’t one for anything like this, but you were willing to go along with it cause you were pretty sure that he still had some repressed memories that he wasn’t about to share.
Chapter 6
It was about four months later, and everything was going fine. You had talked to Virgil about letting Sam move in, and he agreed. You managed to convince Sam to move in, and you were all happy. Somehow, during that time, you had talked to Virgil about hunting and the life. He wasn’t happy about it, but he didn’t try to stop Sam from hunting. You didn’t try either, but you weren’t happy about it. You really wished that Sam would quit hunting, but you also knew that he had to do something with his time. He also didn’t want to go back to school, mainly because, as he had told you one night after having a few drinks, that his girlfriend, almost fiance, had gotten killed by the same thing that had killed your mother.
You were all ready to go and hunt down this creature, but Sam stopped you by saying that Dean had shot him dead, but not before the demon had opened the gates of Hell. This had caused you to almost have a mental breakdown, to the point of having to take a few days off of work to refocus, because apparently your baby brother and twin had finally killed the thing that killed your mother. You knew that there was a lot more to that story, but you also were not about to push your brother for details. So, you moved on.
You all had moved to a bigger apartment and were all getting along most of the time.There was the occasional disagreements, but you all had worked through eventually. You had finally gotten the peace within your family and friends that you wanted, and you also had gotten the freedom from the secret that you had kept your entire life. You were all alive and well. That is, until one fateful day.
Hearing three sharp knocks on the door, you sighed. You had almost shouted at Sam to get it, but then you remembered that he was on a hunt, or at least that’s what he said he was doing. You also almost asked Virgil to get it, but then you remembered that he was at school. So you sighed and went to open it. You peeked through the peephole, but didn’t see anyone. Hoping that you weren’t about to get murdered, you pulled the door open to reveal…
“Dean?”