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The sunlight tormented Howl more than the king’s messengers during the war. He wanted to turn around, bury his head in the pillow and seek a way back to the colourful dream but when he shifted, he became aware of the weight on his chest. Howl had to stop himself from letting out a purr of delight. Sophie.
He curiously opened one eye. She was cuddled into his chest. Eyes closed, a soft expression on her face. Of all the people he met, only she made him feel like that, feel so much he couldn’t even describe. Howl could feel his young heart aching with feeling.
The whole world looked as if it stopped just for them at this moment of the serene morning. Sun lazily flowing through the shutters, the hut quiet and still. A calm wind blew through the window, carrying the distinctive smell of vanilla and jasmine. Ah. Carefully, afraid not to wake her, he freed himself from Sophie’s hug. His every move disturbed the sleepy stillness of the room. With a soundless yawn, he put on an emerald robe. One glance at the mirror confirmed that he looked like a sleepy mess, but this time he didn’t care. Not now. Not here.
Opening door to his small hut he was met with a beautiful view of flower fields and the fresh breeze that made him wrap himself in the silky material even tighter. He didn’t have to search long to spot the gold silhouette he was looking for, sitting near one of the ponds, his legs in the crystal water.
‘You know you could come inside, your highness?’ Howl’s eyes were filled with affection as he sat next to the golden boy.
‘I didn’t think it would be polite to disturb the two of you this early.’ The whisper was the only answer he got. Justin didn’t even flinch, still and straight, looking ahead.
‘Of course. Always a gentleman’ the magician laughed, rolling his eyes but he didn’t know what more to say. They let the silence cover them like a blanket.
Thousands of flowers before them danced on the wind. The sun still lingered above the mountaintops, its light warming their backs, covering the landscape with a golden shine. A perfect day. One of many. Yet some kind of unspoken uncertainty wrinkled the peaceful image as waves on the ponds’ water. Howl shifted his knees to the side, resting his head on Justin’s arm. A prince. A gentleman. With all his manners and insecurities.
‘Don’t overthink it.’ Howl said unexpectedly.
‘Not overthink what?’
Howl shifted to see his face.
‘Oh, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Don’t overthink us . Sophie wants you here. I want you here… and maybe I delude myself but I’m pretty sure you want this too.’ A playful smile lingered on his lips.
‘I do, Howl. But each time I come here I feel like an uninvited guest. Jumping into your life whenever I want to…’
‘Whenever you can.’ He corrected.
‘Whenever I can.’ Justin sighed. ‘But not frequently enough. I am here with you but not in the ways I should…’
‘Should?’ Howl’s brows furrowed.
‘Howl, I am grateful for love, attention and patience you and Sophie give me but I cannot love you in all the ways you love each other… It’s not fair. To you. And what does it make me? What does it make us ? I don’t know what I’m doing here and what would everyone think if…’
‘Are you happy?’ He cupped Justin’s face and made him look into his eyes. He had really nice eyes. Blue. Grey. The colour of storm clouds. Sometimes Howl was almost convinced he saw lighting sparkling in them. ‘Are you happy here, with us?’
‘Yes.’
The storm clouds started raining. He wiped the tears of the golden boy’s face.
‘Then why should anything else matter?’ He smiled softly. ‘Let’s go inside.’
When they entered the hut, Sophie was already awake. When she saw Justin, she gave him the brightest of smiles.
‘You must have gotten cold out there. It’s still early,’ she said lifting the covers. ‘Hop in.’
For a moment Howl could swear he saw Justin roll his eyes with a smile, but the very ungentlemanlike expression faded as quickly as it appeared. As they both crawled into bed, the prince quickly found himself surrounded. Both Sophie and Howl laid as close to him as possible, cuddling. She was playing with his golden hair. Howl only observed, with his head on Justin’s shoulder.
It felt good. Their embrace. Knowing that there was always a place for him here. But as soon as the golden boy left, he was pestered by insecurities. He laughed with them. He loved them. But he visited rarely. And hardly ever showed his love the way they showed it to him, and to each other. He could easily count the times he gave a kiss. It felt like he only took and took and took. And he didn't take much. He didn’t need much. But it still felt selfish. But while he was still here it was okay. They knew and loved and accepted him. And he accepted himself.
It felt good. So when Howl started oh-so-innocently playing with his shirt button, the prince just smiled. The wizard seemed to always know his thoughts and moods but he would not act without being sure. And so the first button was undone. The prince held his breath waiting. A fingertip felt cold on his hot skin. It felt good. A button followed a button. And soon followed a kiss. Soft lips on his skin. On his lips. A hand caressing his face. Fingers tracing patterns on his stomach. And a kiss. And a kiss. And a kiss. Until he could not tell the fingers and lips of his lovers apart.
They were lying on the bed in each other's arms. Still caressing and whispering sweet nothings. Breaths slowing down… and three halos of messy hair on the pillows. Halo of silver. Halo of iron. And a halo of pure gold.