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Published:
2019-09-05
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My Brother and his Lover

Summary:

Lan Xichen bears a striking resemblance to Lan Wangji from the back. Unfortunately.

(feat. terrible dirty talk and accidental sexual harassment, courtesy of one Wei Wuxian.)

Spanish translation: Agus_B26

Notes:

Self-indulgent nonsense.

Work Text:

 

Although there was no visible change in expression, melancholy seemed to trail after the steps of Lan Wangji like a shadow for the past few days since Wei Wuxian left the peace of the Cloud Recesses to the waters of Lotus Pier.

Their parting was sweet and emotional – and also, completely and utterly exasperating. One would be inclined to think that Wei Wuxian would be leaving for years, rather than just a week.

However, the lack of his spouse by his side did not impede Lan Wangji from his duties. Rather, he seemed to commit to them with even greater determination and then taking on more when he was finished, as if he couldn’t get enough. It was like he was filled with even more energy than ever before.

As such, Hanguang-jun was as stern as ever, his features even icier, and the young Gusu-Lan disciples were left in a state of awe and terror as he turned his focus to them and their betterment as his next task.

 

 

“Your students are begging me to force Wei Wuxian to come back already,” Lan Xichen said to the illustrious Hanguang-jun who was grading papers in the library. He couldn’t help but worry for this silly brother of his who was working overtime, even to the point of almost violating the nine o’clock bedtime rule.

“Hm,” was the thoughtful and rather ominous reply. Lan Wangji left a vicious strike on an essay. It felt like a strike to Lan Xichen’s heart. Little brother! Spare a thought for your poor students, won’t you?

Exasperated, Lan Xichen said, “I am starting to agree. Your pining is affecting their self-esteem.” He lifted one of the graded papers up. “A harsh grade for this one, wouldn’t you say?” Lan Wangji was a fair and righteous man. The student of this essay certainly had areas of needed improvement. Even so, wasn’t this just too abrasive?

Lan Wangji finally stopped. He slowly set down his brush, abashed. “Have I… been unfair?”

“Perhaps a little.”

There was small downturn to Lan Wangji’s lips. Almost unnoticeable, but Lan Xichen had years of reading his brother and looking beneath his quiet and cold exterior. He could see that his eyes were glassy, and he seemed even paler than usual. He looked bloodless and ill.

“Have you been sleeping at all?” Lan Xichen asked.

Lan Wangji’s shoulders slumped by a millimeter. “It’s difficult,” he finally admitted, morose. “I can’t sleep well without Wei Ying.”

Such pitiful words! Despite his growing exasperation with the matter, Lan Xichen’s heart couldn’t help but be moved. It was no wonder Lan Wangji preferred to stay shut up in the library these days. The Jingshi must be quite lonely now, he thought. It was not often that this couple remained so far apart from each other for these many days.

“Wei Wuxian will be back in two days.” He tried to sound as reassuring as possible.

“En.” Lan Wangji’s eyes flickered, warming with the thought of it. After another moment, he went back to shuffling through the papers, but paused again and let out the barest of sighs. “I will return. The rest of the essays are in the Jingshi.”

Before he could rise, Lan Xichen put a hand to his shoulders and shook his head. “Let me help.” He squeezed affectionately. He briefly spared a thought to Sect Leader Jiang who must surely be going through his own troubles.

 

 

Let me help.

Foolish words. Later, Lan Xichen would bitterly look back on them and dearly wish to strangle his own throat.

 

 

The Jingshi was quiet and still, apt for its name. The setting sun painted the room with soft petal pinks and gold. As always, the room gave off the feeling of serenity, yet there was a slight sense of sadness as if it too could not bear the lack of a certain presence.

Lan Xichen shook his head at the thought. Perhaps his brother’s foolish sentiments were rubbing off on him? He made his way toward the desk. A shadow flickered in the corner.

He shuffled through his brother’s desk, so lost in his task that he did not notice the sneaky presence behind him until it was too late.

Gentle chiming noises rang in the air. Sinewy arms snaked around his shoulders and a warm body pressed seductively against his back.

A-ah?! Who would dare?! Where was his sword!

“Er-gege,” cooed a playful voice, directly into his ears. “Surprise! I snuck out before Jiang Cheng could catch me and came back as fast as I could!” Soft lips smooshed the side of his neck. Lan Xichen choked.

Surprise? Lan Xichen’s mind shuttered in horrified terror. His body tensed and a scream caught in his throat. This was– this was- what was- W-Wei Wuxian?!?!

Wei Wuxian whined, “Why so still? Are you so shocked? Turn around, my good Lan Zhan and welcome your Xian-xian home properly. Your Xian-xian even wore something special just for you – I’ll let you call me wife tonight!” He nuzzled further into the crook of Lan Xichen’s neck.

Xian-xian?! Wife?! What?! Young master, good sir. Where are you putting your treacherous hands? Off! Off! Off!

What came out of Lan Xichen’s mouth instead: “Gahhh?!”

Without pause, Wei Wuxian rambled on in that strange flirty voice, “Er-gege, I missed you so much that I could hardly stand it! I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t even think – I just needed you so badly. I am begging you, please. My body feels so empty without you inside me. I’ll let you do whatever you want this time. Push me down, tie me up... you can bully me to your heart’s content! Come on, turn around, let’s make babies tonight!”

“……” Lan Xichen turned around. He could taste blood at the back of his throat.

Wei Wuxian’s smile froze and shattered off his face. His face turned ghost-white. His arms trembled and he slowly leaned back.

They both stared at each other in stunned shock. Lan Xichen’s face was burning at those shameless words that was still ringing in the air between them and his eyes grew wider when he finally noticed what Wei Wuxian was wearing.

Golden bangles decorated with small bells lined his wrists and ankles, which was the source of the earlier chiming noise. A thin scarlet-red ribbon decorated his throat, which was tied in an artful bow in the back, the ends trailing like a river. His hair was tied up in an elegant up-do, long bangs framing his face and held with a peony-shaped stick, more golden bells hanging from the ends.

The most shameless of all was the single red sheer robe that Wei Wuxian was wearing – gossamer-thin and tied so loosely that it was practically falling off one shoulder and showing off his thighs. It looked like a single drop of water could melt it. Through the fabric, he could see…

“…. SHAMELESS!!” Lan Xichen roared in fury.

“Z-Z-Z-Z-ZEWU-JUN??!!” Wei Wuxian screeched in reply. Both of them leapt away from each other as if burnt and Wei Wuxian’s arms flailed as he tried to find something to cover himself.

“COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY OBSCENE!! LEWD!! YOU SHAMELESS DEVIL-!!!”

“AHHHH! I’msorryI’m sorryI’msorryI’msorry-“

“-THIS IS NOT A BROTHEL, WEI WUXIAN-“

“Ahhhhhhh!!” Wei Wuxian gave up on finding a cover, instead pulling the robe together tighter and cowering on the floor like a repentant maiden being berated by her powerful mother-in-law.

“DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY RULES YOU ARE BREAKING-“ Lan Xichen loomed over him, looking and sounding so much like Lan Qiren in that moment that Wei Wuxian teared up in terrified confusion.

“Forgive meeee Uncle! Uncle? Zewu-jun? Uncle?” he flustered. He looked so pitiful, but it only made Lan Xichen want to kick him down the mountain. This- this cretin!!

“-IN THE SANCTITY OF THE CLOUD RECESSES.”

“But it’s the Jingshi!”

Lan Xichen swayed, suddenly dizzy. Nausea was building up the more he thought about what just occurred and how his mind and ears felt so violated. Never had he ever experienced such shame as today!

Then the worst sound entered both of their ears.

Lan Wangji’s voice.

“Brother? You are late… There is a lot of shouting-”

The door to the Jingshi slid open revealing his little brother, whose eyes widened just the slightest as they darted to Lan Xichen and to Wei Wuxian. It stopped there.

Wangji, please don’t misunderstand. This big brother of yours did not dare to-

But to Lan Xichen’s horror, Lan Wangji lingered over Wei Wuxian’s scandalously-clad form, taking him in slowly from head to toe. His face darkened with some kind of greedy expression that he’d never seen before on the righteous man.

“Wei Ying…” he whispered, stepping forward.

Then, he remembered again that Lan Xichen was in the room and his eyes became slightly red.

“You. Saw.” he questioned. His hands clenched at his sides.

These. Complete. Imbeciles.

Lan Xichen swayed again in response. “I…I want to throw up.”

Lan Wangji seemed to take even more offense to this. “Wei Ying is beautiful. The most beautiful,” he said defensively. 

“Oh gods,” said Lan Xichen and passed out.

 

 

Wei Wuxian stared at his unresponsive form and whimpered, “Oh gods.”

(For the record – they would not be able to look at each other for a long long time.)