Chapter Text
[11:21:15 AM] so last week I watched “inside out” and “50/50” on the same day
[11:21:20 AM] and this happened
[11:21:35 AM] lately, when luffy’s been jogging outside,he gets his sharp pain in his back
[11:22:03 AM] he finally gets zoro to drive him to the doctor, cuz his brother never let him get his license. said he caused enough trouble o his two feet
[11:22:51 AM] law’s his doctor. comes into the office and starts talking on his voicerecorder. about the patient, his age, so and so, how he’s been diagnosed with something really complicated
[11:23:10 AM] luffy: “hey wait, dr……torao? what did you say?”
[11:23:54 AM] Trafalgar is very annoyed. “you have grade iii schwannoma neurofibrosarcoma.”
[11:24:08 AM] "shwa….shwa what?“
[11:24:15 AM] "it’s cancer. you have cancer.”
[11:24:48 AM] law pulls out a ct scan, and all luffy can see it a bunch of dark swirly stuff. he doesn’t say anything
[11:25:46 AM] law then goes into a lengthy explanation about how they’ll want to shrink the tumor with chemo before they remove it surgically, then how their hospitals ont of the best in the nation, great counselors, yadda yadda yadda
[11:26:07 AM] "do you have any questions?“
[11:26:13 AM] luffy: ”…I have cancer?“
[11:26:23 AM] Trafalgar wants to hit himself
[11:27:09 AM] luffy lives with his housemates zoro, nami, Usopp, Sanji, and Sanji’s grandpa brook who has Alzheimer’s. they notice luffy picking at his food.
[11:27:35 AM] nami: "so? how did your appointment go?”
[11:27:45 AM] luffy: “oh that. turns out I have cancer.”
[11:27:49 AM] //lots of screaming
[11:28:17 AM] Sanji demands answers. luffy pulls out all the papers from law’s office, that he’d jammed into his backpack.
[11:29:40 AM] zoro’s the only one not freaking out. well, also brook, but brook is….well….anyway, zoro'skida stunned on the inside. kinda distracts himself by observing luffy who is…calm. has never been this calm before.
[11:30:17 AM] Sanji’s searching on his smartphone. turns out luffy’s type of cancer has a 50/50 survival rate.
[11:30:19 AM] everybody goes silent
[11:30:26 AM] except for luffy: “….huh.”
[11:31:57 AM] luffy’s been appointed a counselor, which all cancer patients get. chopper’s a doctoral student and very nervous and not used to talking to patients. so he’s not prepared for when luffy comes in, all smiles, and says, “yeah, i’m probably gonna die.”
[11:32:21 AM] chopper: umm…I understand that some people are shocked to find out that they have cancer…
[11:32:43 AM] L: nope. I mean, I was surprised by torao told me, but not anymore. i’m good now. can I go?
[11:32:55 AM] C: i’m sensing some denial.
[11:33:00 AM] L: what’s that?
[11:33:22 AM] C: well, um…you do realize that you have cancer, right?
[11:33:32 AM] L: yeah
[11:34:03 AM] in some ways, the appointment is a success, because chopper’s always learned that the first step is getting the patient to accept the diagnosis. but something just feels off to him.
[11:37:08 AM] luffy arrives at his first day of chemo with Usopp. turns out he’s been visiting his friend kaya here, who has stage iv leukemia. in the chemo room, luffy says hi to kaya, who gives him homemade cookies, and franky, lung adenocarcinoma, who asks luffy what he’s got. then gives a low whistle, cuz the longer the cancer name, the worse off he is.
[11:39:34 AM] one day later, luffy is curled up in the couch, feeling like hell. zoro’s on the nearby sofa, reading a book. Sanji’s been fluttering around all morning, nagging at him about his blanket, he’s not wearing enough clothing, here have some soup, shut up I know you’re nauseous but drink some anyway, and marimo get outta here you’re bothering him.
[11:39:48 AM] at one point luffy just says loudly, “Sanji. I’m good.”
[11:40:16 AM] and this is the closest he’s ever gotten to yelling at sanji
[11:40:43 AM] sanji doesn’t yell back. just kinda deflates and heads back to the kitchen. starts prepping brook’s lunch
[11:41:09 AM] zoro doesn’t say anything, except: “he just likes taking care of people.”
[11:41:31 AM] L: “well I don’t need to be taken care of.” and curls into his blanket a little more.
[11:42:36 AM] it takes several sessions, but at some point luffy gets more comfortable around chopper, and one day, he’s lying on the couch, and chopper expects this to be another fruitless session but at least luffy is a fun patient to have, when luffy starts talking.
[11:45:29 AM] L: “i used to have two brothers. older. stronger. I was always the baby chasing after their shadow. sabo was the first to die. it’s been so long, I barely remember what he looked like. then ace. he died a few years back. protecting his stupid little brother. and I guess… sometimes I would wonder: why them? why sabo, who wanted to be free? why ace, who wanted to be loved? why couldn’t they have lived instead of me?”
[11:46:29 AM] "but I get it now. we were doomed from the start. ace saved my life, and I’ve tried to smile, try to be happy every day, but…it’s over now. guess life caught up with me.“
[11:46:41 AM] "at least i’ll get to see them again. when all this is over.”
[11:48:37 AM] sanji gets a visitor. a blonde-haired stranger, calls himself sabo. asks him if luffy is around. sanji calls luffy. something hardens in his face. he hangs up and stares at sabo.
[11:48:49 AM] S: luffy says, ‘you are dead to me’.
[11:49:37 AM] luffy, franky, and kaya get really close
[11:49:48 AM] they hang out at franky’s house
[11:49:59 AM] too tired to take advantage of the pool and water slide
[11:50:06 AM] but at least they can chill outside
[11:50:21 AM] Usopp, zoro, and franky’s extended family wait inside for them
[11:51:17 AM] a few days later, sabo comes by. gets his ass handed over to him by sanji. but comes the next day. and the next.
[11:52:59 AM] Sanji’s been all sorts of agitated. he feels like luffy’s been shutting him out, shouting everybody out. he knows he can help, if only luffy would let him. of course, he can’t make everything better but…point is Sanji’s been pissed these days. sabo is good stress relief.
[11:53:33 AM] sanji grabs his collar. “listen, you bastard. I don’t know who you are, but luffy doesn’t need this right now. so can you just FUCK. OFF.”
[11:53:42 AM] sabo: “why? what’s wrong?”
[11:54:02 AM] sanji: “i don’t have to tell you anything.”
[11:54:55 AM] sabo: “then…has he ever brought up someone called ace? he’s luffy’s older brother. if I could-”
[11:55:54 AM] Sanji stubs his cigarette out on the sidewalk. “he’s dead. died protecting luffy in a fire, a few years back. I suppose….it wouldn’t hurt to give you the address to the cemetary.”
[11:56:51 AM] one day, luffy comes to chemo without returning franky’s wave.
[11:57:10 AM] "hey luffy-bro! you seen kaya? she’s usually the first here.“
[11:57:14 AM] "she died.”
[11:57:45 AM] after the funeral, Usopp stops talking to luffy.
[11:58:42 AM] sanji didn’t expect sabo come back, but there he was, one day later. with red rimmed eyes and a certain determination to his expression.
[11:58:52 AM] sabo: “i’m not leaving until I talk to luffy.”
[11:59:09 AM] sanji: “and i’m not letting you talk to luffy.”
[11:59:42 AM] they get into a scuffle. it drags on to the point that luffy returns from his appointment from chopper.
[11:59:52 AM] L: “sanji, what’s going on?”
[12:00:52 PM] sabo turns around. his little brother is so thin. dark circles under his eyes. wearing a beanie over his head and baggy clothing that covers his limbs.
[12:01:09 PM] "luffy.“ sabo’s voice breaks. "you…why are you…”
[12:01:21 PM] sanji puts his hand on sabo’s shoulder. “sabo, wait.”
[12:01:26 PM] luffy freezes. “sabo?”
[12:01:56 PM] sabo shakes the hand off and starts stumbling toward luffy. until luffy’s backing away from him
[12:02:17 PM] sabo: “luffy…i’m sorry…i’m so-”
[12:02:29 PM] luffy: “no.” and start walking away.
[12:02:37 PM] "luffy!“ sabo grabs his arm.
[12:02:50 PM] luffy gives a hiss of pain.
[12:03:10 PM] sabo lets go immediately. "i’m so sorry, I…”
[12:03:18 PM] luffy: “get away from me.”
[12:03:52 PM] and stalks back to the house. zoro glares at sabo before following luffy.
[12:03:58 PM] sabo doesn’t return again.
[12:44:22 PM] luffy: “hey brook?”
[12:44:30 PM] "yes, young man?“
[12:47:44 PM] "i wonder if you’ll remember me. after everything’s over. or maybe you’ll just think everything is normal. and you won’t know why Usopp doesn’t tell stories anymore. or why it’s harder for why nami to smile these days. why Sanji’s so aggressively taking care of you. or why zoro…well, see, zoro is hard to notice, cuz he’s usually sleeping,and when he’s not, he still doesn’t say much. but he’s more quiet, more sad these days. I wonder if you’ll notice that. or maybe you’ll never remember a time when it wasn’t this way.”
[12:48:09 PM] brook doesn’t say anything. he’s preoccupied with a tiny stalk in his tea.
[12:49:40 PM] luffy continues. “or maybe i’m just being dramatic. maybe everything will be back to normal, after i’m…maybe everyone will start smiling again, laughing again. and it’ll be like I was never there in the first place. well? what do you think, brook?”
[12:49:55 PM] "you seem very familiar, young man. like a friend I once had.“
[12:50:01 PM] "i’m sure I do.”
[12:04:28 PM] luffy’s talking to chopper about how Sanji’s being a pain.
[12:05:34 PM] luffy: “i’m fine really. I mean, I get that he’s used to taking care of brook and all and…honestly, I don’t get why he’s gotta stress himself out more, by taking care of someone who’s gonna leave soon.”
[12:06:01 PM] chopper: “you don’t know that yet.” for the hundredth time. “and in a way, I feel sorry for sanji.”
[12:06:05 PM] luffy: “why?”
[12:07:39 PM] chopper: he’s got a family member who doesn’t remember him. a close friend who won’t acknowledge him. and all he can to do for them is try to take care of them, but you, well…“
[12:10:04 PM] luffy asks for sanji to come with him to the next doctor’s appointment. as kind of a peace offering. sanji bundles him up in scarves and thick socks, and for once, luffy doesn’t feel like he’s suffocating, though he is kinda suffocating from the clothing
[12:10:22 PM] while waiting for the doctor in the office, zoro and sanji get a text at the same time.
[12:10:32 PM] sanji: "shit. they moved the time.”
[12:10:48 PM] zoro doesn’t say anything. just puts his phone back in his pocket.
[12:10:56 PM] luffy: “what? time for what?”
[12:11:55 PM] sanji pauses. stares at zoro, waiting for him to explain. “it’s a group thing for friends and family of cancer patinets.”
[12:12:18 PM] luffy: “…you guys…you go?”
[12:13:00 PM] sanji: “yeah. every other week. so do nami and…I know he’s still not talking to you. don’t think he’s ready for it. but so does Usopp.”
[12:13:05 PM] luffy: “i didn’t know.”
[12:13:39 PM] sanji: “of course you don’t. you never asked. you never talk to anybody these days, except for zoro.”
[12:14:20 PM] zoro doesn’t reply, but luffy can tell what he’s thinking: just because i’m by luffy’s side all the time, doesn’t mean he talks to me.
[12:14:30 PM] there’s a little voice in luffy’s head.
[12:14:38 PM] he doesn’t listen to it.
[12:14:57 PM] finally dr. Trafalgar comes in. puts a new ct scan on his computer
[12:15:02 PM] tells them that the chemo failed
[12:15:16 PM] their last resort is to try an invasive surgery.
[12:15:49 PM] he tells them the operation will be lead by dr. robin, one of the top neuro surgeons in the country.
[12:17:04 PM] sanji throws a fit, starts yelling at the doctor. zoro starts hurling angry words, fists tightly clamped.
[12:17:13 PM] only luffy doesn’t say anything.
[12:17:19 PM] the voice isgetting louder
[12:17:26 PM] he clamps down on his jaw.
[12:20:27 PM] the night before the surgery.
[12:20:40 PM] zoro takes luffy out driving like he asked.
[12:20:55 PM] luffy asks to take the wheel.
[12:21:03 PM] zoro refuses.
[12:21:09 PM] eventually caves in.
[12:22:58 PM] before zoro can get into the passenger wheel, luffy drives away. runs into the nearest lamppost. zoro’s running toward him, screaming at him for being an idiot. notices that luffy’s not listening. he’s beating at the airbag that deployed, at the wheel, at the window, at everything, while yelling his head off
[12:24:24 PM] by the time zoro eases into the passenger seat, luffy’s done. just slouched and breathing heavily
[12:24:32 PM] zoro: “luffy.”
[12:24:46 PM] luffy looks up.
[12:24:53 PM] zoro kisses him on the lips.
[12:25:04 PM] luffy; “why did you do that?”
[12:25:17 PM] zoro quietly says, “i don’t know.”
[12:25:49 PM] luffy: “you don’t know?! what do you mean, you don’t know?!” he’s hysterical by now. “i’m going to die tomorrow!”
[12:25:57 PM] zoro: “you don’t know that!”
[12:26:57 PM] luffy: “STOP SAYING THAT!” he starts beating on zoro’s chest with his fists. fists that would have cracked bone a while ago, but now barely hurt. “WHY DOES EVERYBODY HAVE TO SAY THAT?!”
[12:27:26 PM] finally zoro can’t take it anymore. hugs luffy tightly and doesn’t let go.
[12:27:44 PM] luffy struggles for a while. eventually gives up. the voice in the back of his head…
[12:27:48 PM] "zoro.“
[12:28:03 PM] luffy lets out a sob. he can’t keep the voice back anymore.
[12:28:24 PM] "i’m scared….I don’t want to die!!!”
[12:29:14 PM] he starts crying against zoro. at some point, he hears a sob that didn’t come from him. that just makes him cry harder.
[12:29:53 PM] sabo receives a call at 2AM. “hello?”
[12:29:59 PM] "…sabo.“
[12:30:08 PM] he immediately gets up. "luffy.”
[12:30:11 PM] "hey.“
[12:30:16 PM] "hey yourself…”
[12:30:19 PM] "…“
[12:30:50 PM] ”…look, I know you’re still mad at me for being away for so long, and-“
[12:30:59 PM] "ace is dead.”
[12:31:04 PM] "i know.“
[12:31:09 PM] "you…you do?”
[12:31:34 PM] "yeah. sanji told me.“
[12:31:40 PM] "he did? that jerk.”
[12:32:36 PM] "no, it’s not his fault. I think I kinda wore him down.“
[12:32:39 PM] ”…“
[12:33:04 PM] "that’s why you’re mad, isn’t it. I wasn’t there for you when I should have been.”
[12:33:08 PM] "i have cancer.“
[12:33:28 PM] "i don’t think I can apologize enough to… what did you say?”
[12:33:33 PM] "cancer. I have it.“
[12:33:35 PM] ”…“
[12:34:01 PM] "it’s pretty bad. the doctors say my chances are pretty slim.”
[12:34:15 PM] "…“
[12:34:48 PM] "my surgery’s tomorrow. if that doesn’t work, then it’s over. i’ll be out of options.”
[12:34:54 PM] "…“
[12:34:59 PM] "sabo? are you crying?”
[12:35:02 PM] "why?“
[12:35:06 PM] "eh?”
[12:36:13 PM] "why now? why are you telling me all this now? I’ve been pounding at your door, getting harassed by your friends for days, BEGGING for you to let me in, and you choose NOW of all times?!“
[12:36:19 PM] "i’m sorry-”
[12:36:25 PM] "WELL YOU BETTER BE!“
[12:36:31 PM] sniff
[12:36:52 PM] "aw shit. luffy, I just…*sniff*”
[12:39:02 PM] "i just. it’s my last day. and, and there were a lot of things I didn’t want to tell anybody. but they came out. and I’ve always wanted to talk to you again. I thought I could hold myself back. but it’s the last day, and. and, I just don’t know anymore. what’s the right thing anymore.to hold it back, or letit out. though I guess I just let everything out, it’s too late to change that.
[12:39:17 PM] "yeah. yeah you did. in a spectacular fashion.“
[12:39:23 PM] "sabo… I just didn’t want you to lose another brother.”
[12:40:00 PM] “luffy. Shit, i-“ sigh “when’s your surgery?”
[12:40:27 PM] "eh? oh, um, when is it again zoro?…at 2.“
[12:40:42 PM] alright. then i’ll get there at one.”
[12:40:49 PM] "what? but, sabo.“
[12:41:23 PM] "no but’s. i’m gonna be there for you. about time I start acting like the older brother.” sniff
[12:41:39 PM] "but, but what if it turns out that-“
[12:41:46 PM] "then we’ll deal. ok?”
[12:41:55 PM] "…ok.“
[12:42:04 PM] "alright. then i’ll see you tomorrow.”
[12:42:18 PM] "yeah. and thanks, sabo.“
[12:42:29 PM] "no. thank YOU, luffy.”
[12:42:33 PM] "…“
[12:42:38 PM] "good night, luffy.”
[12:42:43 PM] "…good night.“
[12:50:10 PM] day of surgery
[12:50:28 PM] everybody’s there. sanji, nami, Usopp, zoro, brook, and sabo.
[12:51:00 PM] sabo’s holding luffy’s hand as nurse penguin injects anesthesia into his iv.
[12:51:33 PM] luffy suddenly becomes scared. "but what if they give me too much? what if I don’t wakeup after the surgery, and I never see you again?”
[12:52:03 PM] "well then,“ sabo smiles, "we’ll just have to find a prince to kiss you awake.”
[12:52:22 PM] penguin. “we gotta take him to surgery now.”
[12:52:29 PM] zoro growls. “you can WAIT.”
[12:52:50 PM] sabo hugs luffy. “be brave, little bro. you’re amazing, you know that?”
[12:53:44 PM] luffy’s slowly wheeled away, slowly being pulled away from sabo, until, finger by finger, their hands are pulled apart.
[12:54:00 PM] and sabo is left clutching his arms.
[12:54:30 PM] zoro pats him on shoulder. but his eyes are on the hospital trolley that’s slowly being wheeled away
[12:54:51 PM] chopper arrives in the surgery waiting room. he takes a seat.
[12:55:29 PM] he’s reading through a magazine, when he hears an old man: “um, what are we doing here?”
[12:55:43 PM] sanji: “we’re waiting for luffy. you remember him, right?”
[12:56:16 PM] chopper turns around. “luffy? as in monkey d. luffy?”
[12:56:30 PM] six pairs of eyes stare back.
[12:56:53 PM] sanji: “you better not be another estranged brother.”
[12:57:03 PM] chopper: “n-no! i’m his counselor?”
[12:57:55 PM] at which point everybody starts peppering him with questions, asking about how luffy’s been, did he talk about any of them.
[12:58:13 PM] chopper: “well, due to patient confidentiality, i’m not really allowed to say.”
[12:58:30 PM] and that kinda fizzles out to an awkward silence.
(outtake: sabo in the waiting room, waiting and waiting and trying to tell himself that if things go bad, he’s gotta be strong, he’s gotta smile in front of luffy, even if he’s so tense right now, he can’t move. then realizing this is how luffy felt for two months, and he wants to throw up.)
[12:58:51 PM] finally dr. robin comes out in scrubs. everybody rushes around her.
[1:01:14 PM] robin: “the cancer had metastasized farther than we expected. so, unfortunately, we were forced to take some drastic measures. we removed the patient’s left hip and part of his femur, part of his right pelvis, and his left iliopsoas muscle. but the surgery was a success. I think he’ll have an excellent recovery.”
[1:01:44 PM] "THEN SAY THAT FIRST!“ zoro yells, letting out all his stress.
[1:02:35 PM] sanji screams at him not to yell at ladies, but he’s not being very convincing with his smile and tears streaming down his face
[1:03:37 PM] chopper,usopp, and nami have taken to laughing and jumping around in a group hug. brook is laughing for no good reason. sabo is bawling in his chair.
[1:04:03 PM] luffy’s high on pain meds when they visit.
[1:04:23 PM] sabo: "hey, luffy.”
[1:04:34 PM] luffy: “heeeeeeeeey.”
[1:04:55 PM] sabo laughs. “you’re being silly.”
[1:05:11 PM] luffy: “no ’m not. 'mma gooooood boy.”
[1:05:21 PM] sabo: “yes you are. the best.”
[1:05:25 PM] luffy: “mm.”
[1:06:04 PM] zoro’s the last to leave. “hey.”
[1:06:17 PM] luffy grabs his hand. “heeeeey you.”
[1:07:25 PM] zoro hasn’t forgotten what he blurted out last night. even now, he’s not sure whether or not he regrets it. but looking at luffy’s goofy smile, he’s feeling pretty hopeful.
[1:07:47 PM] and if luffy doesn’t feel the same way yet, well… he can wait. they’ve got the time.
[1:08:45 PM] sabo’s at luffy’s house, and he’s taking over the duty of changing luffy’s bandages. even though his hissing and wincing and whispering omgomgomgomgomg when he looks at the gouging scar in luffy’s lower back.
[1:09:00 PM] luffy: “it’s not as bad as it looks.”
[1:09:23 PM] sabo. “that’s only because you’re on Vicodin right now.”
[1:09:53 PM] sanji: “speaking of which, it’s time to retake your meds.”
[1:10:12 PM] luffy: “aww. can’t it wait until after the party?”
[1:10:26 PM] sanji: “no, because later you’ll forget.”
[1:10:33 PM] luffy: “hmph. fine then.”
[1:12:23 PM] zoro helps luffy off the couch. he’s starting to get the hang of walking on prosthetic limbs they head over to the dining room where everybody’s waiting. nami, Usopp, sanji, sabo. drs. chopper and robin were invited, as was franky. dr Trafalgar is slouch in the back. he and sanji have reached something of an uneasy truce.
[1:13:27 PM] "so,“ zoro asks. "what now?”
[1:13:39 PM] everybody starts shouting suggestions.
[1:13:48 PM] "let’s eat!“
[1:14:00 PM] "no! pin the tail on the giant robot!”
[1:14:11 PM] "someone help me open this wine bottle.“
[1:14:33 PM] "presents! open my present, luffy!”
[1:15:05 PM] "no, you gotta see the video of what you said when you were on pain meds!“
[1:15:37 PM] sabo: "luffy. what do you want to do first?”
[1:15:47 PM] luffy laughs his loudest in months. “everything!”
[1:15:49 PM] THE END