Chapter Text
“Hey Choro,” Osomatsu stares at the green brother who is pointedly ignoring him, “Chorooooo!” He groaned.
After receiving no response, the eldest begins to use his toe to tap the shoulder of his younger brother.
“Chorofappyskiiiiiiiiiii, answer your poor nii-chan! You’re breaking his heart!”
He slaps the eldest’s foot away and clicks his tongue before he abruptly stands up and walks out of the room, grumbling about how he has important job applications to work on.
Karamatsu was now left alone with Osomatsu, who was left pouting on the sofa. Looking away from his extremely attractive self in the mirror, he looks over at the eldest.
“Osomatsu, why do you insist on harassing Choromatsu? He was clearly trying to get work done.”
“Mmmmnnnno,” Osomatsu makes an incomprehensible sound in response and dejectedly slumps into the sofa, willing for it to absorb him.
“Osomatsu?”
“It’s just... I want him to talk to me,” he covers his eyes with his arm, as though he didn’t want to see the second-born’s reaction, “it’s like we never talk anymore.”
“You talk all the time.”
“We argue all the time. Arguing isn’t talking.”
Karamatsu supposed that was true. Every interaction between the first and third born has usually been heated or teasing, he can’t remember them getting along aside from their childhood.
“Have you told Choromatsu that?”
“I’ve tried! He just says I’m overreacting because I’m trying to guilt trip him into not leaving me, or that I’ll get close to him only to use his money,” Osomatsu’s voice sounds choked up, as though he was trying not to cry.
“Aniki,” Karamatsu sets down his mirror and walks over to his brother, sitting down in front of the sofa.
“I think you need to have an actual genuine conversation with him. Not just one where you’re standing so you can easily walk away when you get hurt, but a private one-on-one conversation where you can open up to each other.”
“B-But I’m…”
“Go on.”
“I’m scared!” Osomatsu removes the arm covering his eyes, revealing the unshed tears that swim in them, threatening to spill over.
Karamatsu hadn’t expected that . He expected Osomatsu to shut him out, to reassure him that “nii-chan is okay,” and that as the eldest, he would take care of his problems alone.
“Aniki,” Karamatsu climbs onto the sofa, awkwardly tangling his legs with his brother’s as he hugs him, putting his ear against the red Matsu’s chest, “what are you afraid of?”
Osomatsu’s lip trembles as he fights back a sob, he grips his hands into fists and digging his nails into his palms as though to will him from crying.
“W-What if he doesn’t want to talk to me?! I know he finds me annoying, but it really hurts when he brushes me off or accuses me of things I didn’t do! And he automatically assumes I’m going to do something bad, so he always acts like I’m just a thorn in his side!”
“Aniki, you aren’t a thorn in his side.”
“He told me that yesterday! How I was just a pain in his ass and how I don’t deserve the title of the eldest brother and… and...,” Osomatsu dissolves into sobs, big fat tears stream down his face and neck as he tries to muffle his cries with his sleeve.
Karamatsu hugs his brother tighter.
“What if he doesn’t love me anymore?,” Osomatsu blubbers, his voice thick with emotion, “what if he just wants to leave and thinks I’m an obstacle standing in his way?”
“Aniki, I’m sure he doesn’t think that.”
“B-But… he never wants to speak to me! And he’s been ignoring me lately too. Yesterday I ran into him on the street, he wasn’t doing anything, and then he just pretended I didn’t exist! It was like I was having a conversation by myself!”
‘Pretending like you don’t exist. Sounds familiar…’
Karamatsu feels a bit salty at Osomatsu’s whining, but he realizes he never took it to heart too badly because he always knew the eldest truly cared about him, meanwhile Osomatsu was questioning if Choromatsu loved him at all.
“Let’s go talk to him then,” he suggests, his head quickly rising and falling with each stutter of Osomatsu’s chest.
“I don’t wanna!”
“Osomatsu, you’re being contradictory. We need to talk to him so that he knows his actions are hurting you.”
He receives sniffles in response and Osomatsu rubs his eyes until the tears stop. The area around his eyes are puffy and pink, his nose and lips are red, his hair disheveled and dried tear-tracks run down his face.
Karamatsu squeezes his brother tightly and Osomatsu does the same, whimpering as though he was trying not to cry again.
“Cmon Aniki. I’ll go with you, but first we can get some ice for your eyes.”
He receives a nod from his brother who’s rolling his eyes back and fanning away the remaining tears.
Eventually they stand up, Osomatsu intertwining his fingers with Karamatsu as they walk down the stairs and into the kitchen.
Pouting like a child at the table, Osomatsu crosses his arms and uses it as a pillow as he sits in his chair.
“You’re making me get the ice?” Karamatsu asks, amusement in his voice.
“Mhm.”
Osomatsu looks so tired. Bags under his now bloodshot eyes, a wobbly frown on his face, disheveled hair, laying his face on his wet-with-tears hoodie sleeve.
Karamatsu grabs the ice pack from the freezer and walks over to his brother, gently applying it to his eyes.
“It might freeze to my tear-tracks,” Osomatsu jokes, letting out a forced chuckle.
“I’m sure it won’t.”
They sit in companionable silence which is only broken when Osomatsu sniffles or wipes at his eyes.
Eventually, Karamatsu is aware that Osomatsu is stalling the much-needed conversation. Taking the pack away from his brother’s face, he puts it away and urges him to stand up.
“Kara noooo, I’m nervous.”
“I know you are, but don’t you want to fix this problem soon?”
Osomatsu slowly nods, a bit upset that Karamatsu is right.
“Okay… lets go talk to him.”
Karamatsu gently touches Osomatsu’s back as though urging him to walk into the living room. Osomatsu’s heart warms at the touch. It was something that the two eldest did to encourage the other, to comfort them. Yes, they had their banter from time to time where some mean spirited things were said, but that touch always assured the other that it wasn’t meant to cause harm. Osomatsu calmed down significantly until he looked into his younger brother’s eyes, grimacing as the moment was lost.
“Painful!” Osomatsu wheezes out before clutching at his stomach, a sudden laugh escaping him.
Karamatsu had ruined the moment by flashing his hyper-realistic, sparkly anime eyes.
Osomatsu took awhile to stop laughing, every time he did a weird sound would come out as he tried to stifle it, only to dissolve into laughter again as he recalled the moment or heard his sound.
“Sorry Karamatsu— snrk,” he tries to hold back a laugh, “I’m probably just tired,” he laughs again.
“Why are you laughing so hard?”
“It was just so random!”
“Excuse you, my beautiful eyes are always here, you just chose to see their beauty at that moment.”
The two of them share a laugh, Osomatsu practically dying at this point. Tears began rolling down his face once more; he was more prone to crying with the combination of his sobfest and random laugh attacks.
“Okay, Osomatsu. I’ve humored you enough. You’re stalling again,” Karamatsu warns.
“Ughhhhhh,” Osomatsu whines as he wipes away whatever new tears escaped, “stop being so observant!”
Karamatsu was glad his brother seemed to be doing better. His shoulders were more relaxed, the small smile on his face seemed more genuine than before, and you could barely tell he cried.
He was ready to talk to Choromatsu.
“What are you doing here?” Choromatsu asks, his voice practically dripping with venom and distaste as he saw Osomatu walk through the door to the living room.
Osomatsu anxiously looks towards Karamatsu who urges him on.
“Choro, I wish you’d talk to me more,” Osomatsu shifts his weight from foot to foot as he looks at his younger brother in the eye, hiding his fidgeting hands in his hoodie sleeves.
Choromatsu sighs in response, looking back down at his papers.
“Is this what the conversation is going to be about Osomatsu-niisan? I already told you I’m busy.”
“Choro, please? I just want to talk to you.”
“Choromatsu, please talk to Osomatsu. He’s trying his best to have an honest conversation with you.”
“And I’m trying my best to get a job. Karamatsu-niisan, why are you on his side?”
“Choromatsu, I’m here because our dearest older brother has some concerns about his relationship with you. You’ve been ignoring him.”
“Ignoring him? He’s acting like a baby deprived of attention; constantly whining and crying.”
“Choromatsu,” Karamatsu warns, a hand on his hip as he looks down sternly.
Osomatsu awkwardly looks at his feet while picking away at the skin on his fingertips. How was he supposed to interject?
Karamatsu looks towards the insecure eldest brother, realizing that this conversation had gone off track. He puts his hand on Osomatsu’s back, urging him to try again.
Osomatsu gulps, “Choro… I wish we could talk to each other without fighting. I mean look at us! We can’t even hold a conversation without Karamatsu mediating!”
“You wish we’d talk more? I wish you’d help out more.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Osomatsu’s eyes grow glossy with tears as he let the anger and hurt he felt seep into his voice. Choromatsu had practically deflected what he wanted to talk about. He braced himself for the harsh words he knew his younger brother would say next.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Choromatsu parrots, sarcastically reiterating the question in a mocking, high-pitched voice, “Osomatsu-niisan, you–” the third born turns away from his papers and walks over to Osomatsu while shaking with anger.
“I’m tired of having to be the responsible one all the time!” Choromatsu continues, “I stay up late doing application after application, I have to urge you all to go to interviews, and you constantly fail to be a good eldest brother! After high school, when none of us got into our choice colleges, you constantly told us we didn’t need to go; that we would get good jobs eventually, that we could all work and raise up the social ladder little by little, but in reality you were just lazy and selfish!” Choromatsu jabs a finger to Osomatsu’s chest, “When I was discouraged, when I came to you crying, you promised we would all get good jobs, live together, and live a good future, but here we are rotting away like NEETs!”
“Choro…”
“Don’t Choro me! You’ve done nothing! All you do is laze around all day, breaking that promise everyday. I bet you don’t even remember!”
“We can do it at our own pace,” Osomatsu weakly replies, the skin around his nails bleeding from his picking.
“We’re in our twenties Osomatsu! We’ve done nothing! Whenever progress was made, you were the one to ruin it. You stopped us from being productive members of society, you constantly hold us back, you just can’t accept that we don’t want to be stuck in this lifestyle with you!”
“Choromatsu, calm down,” Karamatsu removes the third-born’s finger away from Osomatsu’s heaving chest, and hugs his crying eldest brother.
“I don’t need to calm down. He needs to grow up! He’s just crying like a baby because he knows I’m right. He’s a thorn in our sides Karamatsu-niisan, why are you protecting him?!”
“You’re going too far Choromatsu, this is more of a verbal beatdown that a conversation.”
“A verbal beatdown that I’m winning.”
“ Choromatsu .”
“Y-You don’t need to feel like the responsible one all the time,” Osomatsu manages to heave out, “we always know you want to take a break!”
“That’s right buraza, it’s always okay to take a break if you’re feeling stressed about it.”
“Yeah well Osomatsu-niisan’s been taking a break all his life, and look where that’s gotten him.”
“Hey,” Karamatsu warns, his patience running thin as the “argument” if one could even call it that , progressed. How had Osomatsu been able to deal with him for this long? If Choromatsu had been insulting him, he would’ve snapped a whole lot sooner.
“I can’t even take a break because I need to be responsible even if I don’t want to be because someone failed to be a good older brother!”
“First of all, stop being passive aggressive,” Osomatsu glares at Choromatsu, the tears quickly streaming down his face making him look as intimidating as a teddy bear with a knife, “I didn’t ask to be the eldest, we’re all the same age anyways!”
Osomatsu was angry now, Choromatsu was still heated, and Karamatsu knew a fist would be thrown if he doesn’t intervene.
“Now brothers, let’s calm down for a bit.”
“Well if we weren’t so well known in Akatsuka for being so shitty, most of that shittyness you’ve contributed to Osomatsu-niisan , I’m sure nobody would’ve even known you were the eldest! You definitely don’t act like it.”
“I just said I didn’t ask to be the eldest!”
“Well I didn’t ask to be your brother, but sometimes life is just unfair like that.”
“Oh fuck you,” Osomatsu leaves Karamatsu’s embrace to grab Choromatsu by the collar.
“No,” Choromatsu harshly pushes against Osomatsu chest, “fuck you.”
“Brothers….”
“I wish I wasn’t your brother then!” Osomatsu’s loud voice rings throughout the room, “I wish you wouldn’t have a burden like me to be associated with.”
“I wish for that everyday, I’m glad you realize that you’re just a bothersome presence!”
“Both of you calm down now,” Karamatsu didn’t like how this had progressed. Choromatsu needed to shut up, and Osomatsu was taking this too far as well.
“If Osomatsu was a better brother, we wouldn’t be having this argument.”
“SHUT UP,” Karamatsu yells, clapping his hands together, “both of you need to calm dow– Osomatsu, where are you going?”
Osomatsu had released his grip on Choromatsu and pushed him away before leaving the room.
“Out.”
“Aniki, wait.”
The only answer Karamatsu receives is the harsh slamming of the front door before twirling around to face the third-born.
“How could you say those things?”
“Why are you angry at me? Have you met him? He’s always ruining things for all of us!”
“He just wanted to talk to you,” Karamatsu’s obvious exhaustion and despair was apparent.
Choromatsu scoffs before sitting back down in front of his papers.
“Choromatsu.”
“He just wanted to talk to me? He was obviously looking to distract me from potentially leaving him.”
“He just wanted to talk!”
“And I’m engaged to Nyaa-chan,” Choromatsu rolls his eyes, “cut the bullshit.”
“Choromatsu…”
“He’s done nothing but ruin our lives!”
“He’s not responsible for your life. Yes, he’s the eldest, but you are your own person and it’s unfair for you to blame him for your shortcomings.”
“When I tried to get a job, he lashed out at us. He hurt us.”
“Todomatsu has a job dearest brother. We’ve all tried to ruin it for him, you included, but he continues to go to work and climb up the social ladder. And although not to that degree, it was reasonable for Osomatsu to be upset.”
“How so? He was just angry I had a chance to leave him behind!”
“You didn’t warn him beforehand.”
“What?” Choromatsu looks into his older brother’s eyes inquisitively.
“You didn’t warn him you were getting a job.”
“It should be obvious I was going to! Did you think all these job applications were for fun?!”
“You never told us you were going to move out, you gave us no time to prepare, and Osomatsu, the eldest who was also the closest to you felt betrayed, hurt, and angry! Did you think about how he would feel? How we would feel?”
Karamatsu’s eyes grow glossy as he’s hit by a wave of emotions.
“Karamatsu-niisan…?”
“I was so sad when I heard that you had to go! I… I had to put on a smile, say flowery words, but you were leaving us. We had been with you our whole lives, and suddenly you were just going to leave.” Karamatsu rubs his eyes with his fist, leaning into Choromatsu’s sudden hug, “I was hurt when you suddenly wanted to leave. And I’m your eldest brother too! All that stuff you say about Osomatsu, doesn’t that apply to me as well?”
“Niisan…”
“I failed as your older brother!”
Choromatsu felt a pang of guilt. Had his words hurt that much? Looking at Karamatsu, the way his face was pressed against Choromatsu’s shoulder, tears wetting his shoulder, he knew it had. How much has Osomatsu been hurting then?
The two brothers wrapped their arms around each other, both of them whispering tearful sorrys.
By the time they had calmed down, it was time for dinner.
“Karamatsu-nii, Choromatsu-niisan, it’s time for dinner. Are you feeling better?” Totty hesitantly calls from behind the living room door. Their cries were heard throughout the whole house, so everyone steered clear from the room until now in order to give them privacy.
The two previously-sniveling brothers offer small smiles towards each other.
“Yeah Totty,” Karamatsu pulls Choromatsu up off the floor as he opens the door to a concerned Todomatsu.
“Thanks for worrying, but we’re fine,” Choromatsu tries to reassure him as the three of them grab their dinners from the kitchen.
Matsuyo greets them by brushing the hair away from their foreheads and planting a small kiss on the crest of it.
“My NEETs, are you okay? Do I need to fight someone?”
“No need to fight Mommy! Everything is A-OK!” Karamatsu exclaims in English, twirling into a dramatic pose.
“Thanks for worrying Mom, but we’re okay.”
She gives a skeptical nod in response, asking them to help set up the food on the tables.
“Mommy, there are only seven plates,” Karamatsu calls from the living room where the food was now laid out.
“Oh, Osomatsu-niisan isn’t coming home tonight,” Totty replies, not looking up from his phone as he sits at the table, waiting for everyone to begin eating.
“Osomatsu-niisan called Totty earlier! Niisan was really worried!” Jyushimatsu adds, a concerned glint in his eyes despite smiling brightly.
“I wasn’t worried…” Ichimatsu mumbles, whispering, “ not too much ,” to himself. Nobody heard except for the yellow brother who pats his brother’s head to comfort him in response.
“He’s not coming home tonight?” Choromatsu gulps in an attempt to fight against the tightening of his throat, the knot in his stomach, the painful pang of his heart.
The brothers eat in relative silence, conversations not flowing as well as they normally would when Osomatsu was present. They were all worried- especially the younger trio who were unaware of what transpired hours before. Nobody dared ask.
—————
Osomatsu, Totoko, and Iyami came in the afternoon the next day, loading things into Iyami’s truck. Osomatsu’s things.
“Aniki, I’m glad you’re okay, but what’s this?” Karamatsu inquired at the sight that greeted him, arms crossed as he ignored the quick pounding of his heart, seemingly understanding what was happening.
The rest of the brothers come out of the house when they hear Karamatsu angrily exclaim, “Aniki, please don’t! You’re being unfair.”
“Osomatsu-niisan?” Ichimatsu tugs on the eldest’s sleeve.
“What’s going on? OH ARE WE GOING ON A SURPRISE TRIP?!” Jyushimatsu happily jumps up and down, and Todomatsu frowns.
“Jyushimatsu-niisan, I don’t think that’s it,” Todomatsu replies, anxiously chewing on his lip.
“Osomatsu-niisan,” Choromatsu runs up to him, “about yesterday and the days before, I’m sorr—“
“I’m leaving.”
Osomatsu looks down at the ground, willing the tears to stay in his eyes.
“W-wait… what?” Choromatsu whimpered.
“You wanted me gone right? I always hold you back, I’m just lazy, hopeless, a burden, shitty— no matter what I do I can never please you. I’m just the shitty eldest.”
Osomatsu looks to all his brothers, who recall the time they had attempted to leave the house, all the times they had commented about how he had been a shitty eldest, all the times they had ignored him.
“Aniki,” Karamatsu goes to put his hand on Osomatsu’s back when it’s gripped by the eldest who gently pushes it away.
“Niichan’s sorry for being such a bad older brother, but it’s fine now. I’m leaving.”
They all wanted to believe that this was a tasteless joke, but the tremble of Osomatsu’s lips let them know it was anything but.