“DO I DETECT A NOTE OF UNSEASONAL GRUMPINESS? said Death. NO SUGAR PIGGYWIGGY FOR YOU, ALBERT.”
- Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

A Demonic Claus

by

Lynx Klaw

~§~

Wednesday Addams knelt before the bloody pentagram, coal-black eyes staring balefully at the binding circle as the accursed, forbidden runes burned to a minatory brilliance. Soon, its light dwarfed the minuscule glow where the ritual candles burned at each cardinal point. The acrid, sulphuric smoke hung heavy in the air, slowly mingling with the scent of heated oil. From the central conjuring aperture, a roiling pitch began to seep over the bloody lines of channeling, filling the circle to the outermost rim of sanguinely scrawled blasphemy.

From this puddle of hellborn intent, a rift opened and withdrew a large entity. The being that emerged from the bubbling mire of evil was horrifying to behold. The image was grand—if portly. Bedecked in vivid and cheerful colors, the bespectacled man staggered and stared in befuddlement at his surroundings. Gazing past his voluminous beard, Wednesday’s eyes ensnared his own with a vicious glower.

“I believe there’s been an... orthographical error,” Wednesday commented sullenly, “What a waste. At least you’re red.”

The rotund man regarded her warily, “Ah—Wednesday Addams, is it? Hm, yes—I know you. My girl, I’m afraid you’ve been very naughty, this year. In fact, you’ve been quite heinous since your birth.”

The girl’s perpetual frown momentarily broke, with a slight twitch of her lips into a chilling smirk before it wilted, “It’s kind of you to say, but flattery will get you nowhere. I know you, as well. Despite your popularity, I find your infamy to be disappointing.”

Father Christmas cringed and swiftly denied, “I don’t want to be infamous, I merely want to spread joy to the nice children of the world...”

“While giving the naughty ones coal.”

“Well, sometimes,” he blustered.

Now Wednesday arched a brow, “Despite your exemplary grooming of the juvenile populace-”

“Now see here, you slanderous virago—!”

“-you stopped bringing me coal.”

“You tried to use it to burn down your school!”

Wednesday was particularly unmoved.

“I heard you had to travel all across the world delivering gifts in a single night. I thought having a few less children on the list would have been welcome.”

The Saint’s rosy cheeks seemed to flush fuller with something the polar opposite of jolliness, “Now, young lady, I have no trouble with tending to my list, thank you very much.”

“Not by my recollection.”

“I beg your pardon!”

“That’s not what begging sounds like.” Wednesday’s expression soured into a deeper grimace. “Quite against my will, I’ve heard the songs. You make a list, but you have to check it twice.”

“It pays to be sure!” he rebutted indignantly.

“I agree. And when I cross someone off my list, it’s forever.”

“You are a perfect nightmare of a child, Wednesday Addams!”

“It’s a point of pride.”

Wednesday silently drank in the delicious sensation of his mirth slowly suffocating. Its last breath—along with Saint Nicholas’ last bit of patience—left in a beleaguered sigh, “Be that as it may, I must take my leave. After that escapade with the Deetz girl and her insufferably disgusting acquaintance, I’ve only one more night to prepare!”

“I find it very apt; after all, you must know what that makes me.”

“I’ve no time for anymore of your games, Wednesday Addams.”

Canting her head to the side, her unflinching stare should have melted the glass of his spectacles. Just as it seemed she would keep her peace, she slaughtered that fragile hope.

“I’m the Nightmare before Christmas. You visit children while they dream. Perhaps, as you sleep before your big ride, I might visit you in your dreams.”

The Spirit of Christmas was wracked with a shiver that had nothing to do with the December chill. And with that, Wednesday knelt down and poised her thumb and forefinger framing the flame of the primary candle on the summoning circle.

“Exiliō.”

Pinching the wick, she extinguished the flame. The runes blazed once more and several beams rose from the channeling lines of her pentagram. One of the crimson planes of light severed a button from the plush, furred suit the man wore. The gate closed an instant later, creating a vacuum that sucked swirling eddies of candle smoke into the now spent circle. The blood had charred to a black, filmy paste Wednesday would need to clean before she could start anew.

“Bah humbug,” she droned.

Just then, a glint in the remaining candles’ light caught her eye. Still crouched, she plucked up the button, regarding it thoughtfully. Perhaps Santa had left her a present after all...

As plots and schemes of infernal effigies danced within her mind like macabre sugarplums, Wednesdays’ frown faltered once more. This time, her lips peeled back into a fiendish grin. She knew where Grandmama kept her cursed sewing needles. She had time enough to knit and stuff a yuletide doll. All she needed was some red yarn—or maybe just some white yarn with copious bloodstains.

“‘Tis the season...”

Satan could wait a day. She was certain that, when he was made aware of why she delayed, he would be quite pleased with the outcome. And maybe afterward, she could look into this Deetz girl. It sounded like she might be wonderfully dreadful company.

~§~The End?~§~

Author’s Note:

So this bit me as I was winding down for the night on the 22nd. I started typing it up, but started to fall asleep at the keyboard. Eventually, I dragged my stupid self to bed and finished up the next morning. “Morning” being when I woke up in the afternoon, because I’m a night owl and anything before 10 AM doesn’t exist (unless I’m already awake, which just means that it’s really, really late).

Anyhow, I knew this had to be posted on the 24th—at midnight, with only 24 hours before Christmas. Because reasons. That being said, there’s not a lot to this drabble and most of what I put out there doesn’t have much of a hidden meaning or... any sort of depth.

The only kind of depth you need to concern yourself with is how deep Wednesday will dig your grave if you displease her. You better have enjoyed this little Christmas present. Otherwise, Wednesday will feel it was a waste, and nobody wastes Wednesday’s time and effort.

I hope everyone is doing well and has an awesome holiday, as I know I’ve gone silent for quite some time. And as I’m sure many might wonder, ask, or demand answers of me: Yes, I’m still alive! Health concerns aside, I’m working on my original novels very diligently, so there’s likely to be only sporadic updates to things as I get my trilogy (if it does wind up being only a trilogy) in working shape. That does mean things will be quieter on the fanfiction front, but never forgotten! I have far too many ships to sail and way more yuri to evoke!

See you all around! I don’t beg for comments, reviews, or messages, but I love hearing from my readers and other writers—so I will be appropriately polite in asking. I’ll even use the magic word:

Now.