Chapter Text
YOU’RE MY TYPE
Part I
Something worse than being alone at a party full of drunk college students, Cassian decided that night, was forgetting to lock the bathroom door while he had his business out on display.
“Fuck, you mind?” he growled as an intruder barged inside the small room without warning, “Kinda busy here.”
“Well, go ahead,” someone answered, slamming the door shut and barely sparing him a quick glance. “I'm not stopping you.”
Cassian rolled his eyes, annoyed at the fact he couldn't even take a piss without getting interrupted by some stranger allergic to privacy. Parties were definitely not his jam.
After tucking himself back into his pants, Cassian moved to wash his hands over the sink, a frown on his face. He gave another curious look at the girl using the mirror's reflection facing him. She hadn’t moved, her ear pressed against the door as to listen to something over the distant sound of loud bass echoing around. Cassian dried his hands on the back of his jeans and took a step towards her, uncertain. She still didn’t budge.
“Excuse me,” he tried, clearing his throat.
“Shh,” she gestured one hand at him.
So, what? Was he supposed to stay trapped in here with her?
“What are you doing?” he asked, leaning on the door by her side, arms crossed.
As she looked at him through her eyelashes, he finally noticed how attractive she was and a bit of his bravado faded away. Her red lips parted in the center, monopolizing his attention for entirely too long before she asked: “Do you hear anything?”
“Like what?” Cassian answered, going back to meet her eyes eagerly.
“I’m trying to avoid my ex,” she explained and her brows drew higher on her forehead. Some strands of dark hair were smudged on her face, from where she pressed on the door, and she forcibly exhaled to brush it away from her lips.
Cassian listened in turn, his posture mirroring hers, but the only thing he could hear through the wooden door was the general chaos hammering inside of the frat house.
“Could you go and have a look?” she whispered.
“Me? I don’t even know who your ex is.”
“Hadder Ponta,” she said, “big shoulders, dark hair, too happy for his own good.”
As she spoke, she reached for Cassian’s arm and tugged him towards her. Before he knew it, she had him pressed between her and the door, her hands on his back to hurry him into action. Cassian didn’t know how to react to her curious demand but wasn’t so keen on refusing her—for some strange reason that had nothing to do with her pretty face, nothing at all.
“Tell me if it’s clear,” she said when he cracked the door open to peek outside.
As a matter of fact, Cassian had a vague idea of what the Ponta guy looked like. He was used to seeing him hanging around with Dameron and Solo, but he had never noticed his ex-girlfriend—which was weird because Cassian would have been blind not to notice her.
The dark corridor wasn’t exactly empty but he couldn’t catch sight of the guy anywhere.
“I think it’s clear,” he said over his shoulder.
A pair of hands ended up on his lower back where she gripped his t-shirt in a familiar way. She bent from behind him, carefully scanning both ends of the upstairs corridor, ready to jump back into safety like an alley cat.
“Uh, thanks,” she exhaled, leaning her forehead between his shoulders.
“No problem,” Cassian forced out, goosebumps spreading over his skin from her proximity. “Does he… bother you?”
“It’s not like he’s a creep, but if I have to break his little shiny heart one more time, I’m gonna jump from a bridge.”
“Please don’t,” Cassian laughed quietly.
“Yeah…” She finally let go of his t-shirt and took a step to face him, a smug smile at the corner of her lips. Yes, Cassian thought, breathtaking beautiful. He was tempted to ask for her name but couldn’t coax his brain into cooperation. That feeling of disconnect stung between his ribs like an ever-present reminder. Cassian looked away, unable to maintain eye contact with her much longer.
“Sorry for the… bathroom voyeurism,” she said, “I swear I didn’t look.”
“It’s okay, it was an emergency.”
“It really was!” Her laughing voice put a blanket of warmth around him, convincing Cassian to admire her for as long as she would talk to him. “I can’t deal anymore with his stupid friends trying to get us back together.”
“That must be… annoying.” Or so he guessed. He had never been in that sort of situation—not even close.
“I’m this close to murdering one of them.”
“I’ll try to bail you out.”
“Thanks,” she laughed again. The way her eyes half-closed when she did was beyond adorable. Cassian smiled despite himself. “I should just pretend to have— shit!”
Before he had a chance to react, she pulled the front of his t-shirt and dragged him closer—way, way closer. Cassian suddenly had his body pressed against her as her back hit the wall behind her, and she closed her arms around his neck. Her hot breath tingled the skin of his neck, her perfume reaching his brain in a daze. He gripped her waist more by reflex than by decision. She arched towards him a little, and her lips ghosted a trail to his ear. All his hair stood straight in his nape, a long shiver running down his spine.
“Just pretend we’re making out for two sec,” she whispered, “please.”
Cassian almost barked a laugh. She didn't have to beg him for that. He was more than happy to indulge. Though it was quite unclear what she meant by ‘pretend’ because she was very much kissing his neck.
Cassian’s pulse quickened, electrified by the contact of her lips on the sensitive skin. His hands came to snake around her back, way too honest for any pretend play. The weight of her small frame felt amazing in his arms. So much so that he almost forgot why she was cuddling him.
“Wait, no—fucking—way,” someone said entirely too loudly next to them, “is that Andor?”
Cassian felt the rigid response of her body when two guys stopped next to them, almost caging them in the dark hallway. One of them put his hand on Cassian’s shoulder with too much familiarity. He hated it, fighting not to brush it away, or break it. He glanced back instead, displeased.
“Holy shit,” Dameron smirked and patted Cassian’s shoulder with a firm grip, “I can’t believe she’s replacing you with Captain Antisocial.”
Cassian internally winced at the nickname. He was doing plenty of socializing by his standards right now, and not with his people of choice. As he kept talking, Dameron looked to his friend—Ponta—and his friendly tap-tap soon neared a threatening intensity.
“You might be too late this time,” Dameron laughed to himself.
“You kidding me?” Ponta whined and rubbed his face with both hands, his voice not exactly sounding on the highest level of sobriety. “The guy from the… the analytics… the… he’s not even your type! Jyn!”
Jyn. So that was her name.
Cassian would have mourned that last comment if it wasn’t for the way Jyn twitched into his arms and pushed Dameron on the chest to shove him aside. She stood between Cassian and the two others, hands on her hips and a dangerous snark in her words.
“You don’t know what my type is.”
“Eh,” Ponta gasped, eyes wide, “yeah, I do!”
“No,” she said, “and I told you, it's over. Time to turn the page, we’re never getting back together.”
That was… brutally honest. For a handful of seconds, Cassian almost felt a rush of sympathy for the guy. He couldn’t imagine being in his shoes and seeing someone he clearly still had some feelings for with another guy. That must have hurt.
On the other hand, he was on Jyn’s side.
“You might wanna find someone else to hook up with,” Dameron snorted (the friendly demeanor significantly decreased).
“Oh yeah, why is that?” Jyn said with a murderous tone.
“I’ll tell you why…” The guy paused and looked at Ponta with a mocking grin, as to acknowledge a small revenge for his friend's broken heart. “Your guy’s still a virgin, but maybe you like it quick. Not judging.”
Here we go, Cassian bitterly thought.
He stayed perfectly still, waiting for whatever unpleasant jokes would be made at his expenses. If Dameron thought he was the first one to punch that way, he was gravely mistaken. None of those assholes had originality (part of the reason Cassian almost always left any party before the topic could be brought up to everyone's attention). He had thought about lying a couple of times but couldn't stand to be ashamed of just being… himself. He hadn't killed anyone, for fuck's sake.
But maybe tonight… maybe he would've liked to not be poked at in front of Jyn before he could get a chance to know her.
“First off,” she said without missing a beat, pointing an accusatory finger at Dameron, “you’re a fucking dick and I hope you know that! Second, he wasn't such a virgin when I fucked him in the bathroom ten minutes ago.”
“Wait, what?”
Cassian blinked at her, too, surprised.
“What what?” she repeated, almost aggressively.
“You don't even know each other!” Ponta said in a somewhat… offended voice.
“Oh sorry, didn't know I had to be friends with every guy I shag.” Jyn rolled her eyes, beyond annoyed at her audience. “It's only okay if you have a dick, right?”
“Don't get me started on this,” Dameron backed up immediately, raising both hands in the air.
“Well, you started it so just mind your own shit next time.”
And with that, Jyn stormed towards the stairs, leaving three confused men behind her without an apology.
The uncomfortable silence stretching between Cassian and the others probed Dameron to shake his head, defeated. He turned to his friend and slapped his shoulder, in the same manner he had done to Cassian, trying to drag him along. They didn't exchange another word, acting like they had never even had spoken to each other. Cassian had no complaint.
He stood motionless in the corridor for a solid minute, replaying Jyn’s words in his head, trying to wrap his mind around the whole encounter. Alas, his brain was too tired and the chatter of noises too loud to make sense of anything. One thing was clear, though: he wanted to talk to her just a bit longer… A deeply uncharacteristic behavior, yes, but Jyn was pretty unique herself. What would he say to her?
Cassian put his foot on the first stair, apprehension flexing around his throat. He knew when he had a terrible idea. He should've just gone home already. He should've left the minute Melshi disappeared with his date anyway. Yes, yes… but then Cassian wouldn't have felt Jyn's lips on his neck.
What were the odds that he ever felt them again?
.
.
.
Cassian searched for her for a while. Scanning the barely familiar faces around him, he walked from one crowded room to another without success.
By the time he reached the front entrance, he had convinced himself that Jyn had already disappeared. He probably needed to take the hint from the universe. The girl wasn't for him.
Ready to leave, he stopped right outside of the kitchen, catching sight of a low bun. Excitation jumped in his chest; something he wasn't terribly familiar with. For a handful of seconds, Cassian hesitated. Now that he had localized her, second-guessing was nesting into his resolve. She probably didn’t want to talk to him anymore. She had looked annoyed enough because of her ex; he didn’t need to make her cancel the rest of the male population by being obnoxious. Yes… but what if.
Cassian could pretend to say goodbye; this way he would get a clean escape in case his presence was unwanted. Not a brilliant plan, but better than nothing.
He made up his mind and took a little inspiration before walking into the disorganized kitchen. Lonely cups were scattered around, among various bottles of alcohol. Some snacks lingered on the white countertop but Jyn was more interested in the loot she had found in the freezer. She opened a series of drawers until she could locate a spoon and leaned on the counter, opening an ice cream container.
“Hey,” Cassian said.
Her attention snapped on him at once. When she recognized him, the lines on her face quickly relaxed. He took it as an encouraging sign.
“Oh, hey,” she said. “You want some ice cream, too?”
“Hmm—no, thanks.”
Cassian looked at her without much discretion, noticing the green of her eyes under the kitchen’s bright lights. There was a hint of gold in them, too, warm and enticing. Hands in his pockets, he squared his shoulders in a curious posture.
“I just wanted to ask… why did you say that earlier?”
Jyn stared at him without surprise or discomfort. She seemed to be more interested in her ice cream than by his presence but gave him a little shrug.
“I don't know, I didn't like the way he tried to put you on the spot. Sorry if it made you uncomfortable, I tend to speak before I think most of the time.”
“No, it's okay. I was just curious.”
Jyn simply nodded and closed her lips around another spoon of ice cream (in a quite hypnotic way).
“You know it's not important, right?” she then asked.
“What?”
“I said we hooked up so Dameron would shut his fucking mouth for once, but it's not like it matters whether or not you did it.”
“Some people think it does.”
“Some people think I'm a slut, doesn't mean they're right.” Jyn rested the tip of her spoon on her bottom lip and frowned at him, thinking. “Do you think I'm a slut?”
“What? No!” Cassian could feel panic creeping under his skin, but she only shook her head and returned to her dessert.
“I thought it was caramel,” she sighed, reading the package. “Anyway... like I said, doesn't matter, so don't feel bad because of some assholes.”
“I don't…” Jyn gave him a pointed look and he cleared his throat before adding: “Most of the time. It's a bit hard, the older I get, to... meet someone and tell them, you know… Not super attractive.”
A self-deprecating smile stretched his lips downward. This wasn’t the conversation he had intended to have with her. Surprisingly, Jyn didn’t double-down on his misery.
“Do you know what girls find attractive?”
“Like a square jaw and broad shoulders?” he laughed. Cassian wasn't exactly self-conscious about his appearance, but he knew he looked nothing like that sort of guy. He definitely didn't look like Hadder Ponta.
“Yeah, sure,” Jyn shrugged again. “But you wanna know the most important part? Confidence. Be confident and I can guarantee you'll have any girl you want, experience or not.”
Cassian reflected on that with a busy brain. He wondered if by any girl she also meant this one girl. He couldn't stop thinking about her body in his arms and her lips on his neck.
“You don't believe me,” Jyn frowned, reading into his silence.
“I don't exactly have data for comparison, you know.”
“Try it on me.”
“Excuse me?” Cassian blinked.
“Hit on me,” she said again, “go on. I'll give you a score.”
“Like… you mean—?”
“Just do whatever you would do if you wanted to pick me up. Come on, it's a party! Have some fun.”
This wasn’t exactly his idea of fun. On the other hand, Cassian would have been stupid to pass on the opportunity. He knew this wasn’t a real approach—they would only pretend—but it could give him a little insight on Jyn. It was also a good excuse to talk to her some more, so Cassian took upon himself to play along.
“I guess I would… ask if you want a drink?”
“Pff, no,” Jyn rolled her eyes, her head, and her whole body. “That's pathetic, you're in the negative range. I'm probably half hammered already, I don't want another drink just so you can take advantage of me when I blackout.”
“The fuck, I—”
“Hey, easy, my dude,” she cut with her spoon pointed at him, “I'm just explaining to you what's going on. I don't know if you're a good guy or not. It must be awesome to not think about that every minute of the day, but women have to.”
Her serious stare made him reconsider his perspectives.
“Alright… so, no drink. What do I do then?”
“You could start with the basics, like introducing yourself… and asking for my name like I'm a real human being.”
The slight bitterness lingering in her words didn’t feel like it was directed towards him, but was still present nonetheless. Cassian wished he could've escaped with her before they ran into her ex. He wondered how things would have gone if so.
“Hi, I'm Cassian,” he smiled at her, trying his hardest not to feel utterly stupid.
“You have a nice smile, Cassian,” Jyn said, her tone softer. “It could get you some places. If I said I'm not interested, that would be your cue to fuck off... but hi, I'm Jyn.”
“I've never heard that name before, it's very pretty.”
“Ah, that was good,” she smirked.
“I mean… it's true.”
She eyed him suspiciously, too intelligent to be fooled by his poor attempt at subtlety. “Are you really hitting on me now and trying to be sleek?”
It took Cassian all his courage, and half his breathing capacity, but he managed to say: “Do you think I'd have a chance?”
She smiled to herself. “You're a quick learner, aren't you? Go on.”
It wasn’t a yes, but it wasn’t a no either. Cassian could live with that.
“So, you like caramel ice cream?”
“I do,” Jyn said and tilted her head to the side, a little surprised. “You were listening, good point for you.”
Cassian tried to hide a smile. Flirting wasn’t his default setting—a true understatement—but he wasn’t totally clueless either. He even had some successful attempts down the line. The pick-up part wasn’t the hardest, as he had learned, rather what came afterward.
Right now, he thought the possibility of an afterward with Jyn outweighed his unease by a long shot.
“Then maybe I could take you out somewhere they do real good one.”
He expected a mocking reply, a quick reject, or anything in between. Jyn only stayed silent, her sharp gaze locked on him to a point of concern. Rubbing a hand behind his neck, Cassian let out a small breath of surrender.
“Was it bad?”
“No, that was… pretty smooth,” Jyn finally said, seemingly surprised. “I didn't expect you to ask me out on a date.”
Cassian’s heartbeat jumped in his chest, not too sure if it was from hopefulness or terror. Both, most probably.
“So, would you… say yes?”
“I would probably say yes, if you were asking me.”
They stared at each other for another minute, as if trying to decide who would be the one to break the spell. Cassian couldn’t tell if he should have read something else into her words. He couldn’t even tell on what level this conversation was playing anymore. Was he still trying to pretend that he was hitting on her? Was she still pretending she didn’t know better? In all absolute, he just had asked her out—and she had probably say yes.
This started to feel way more complicated than his brain could endure at the moment.
“Then I would ask if I could have your number,” Cassian carefully said, testing the water.
“And I would give it to you.”
Would you? Something in her eyes hinted that Jyn perfectly knew how honest he had been about this experiment. Yet, she didn’t display any intention to give him her actual number.
Just as fast as he had tricked himself into hoping, Cassian came down from his delusional rush. The landing was rather brutal (and that was all on him).
“Thanks for the tips,” he said, keeping his voice friendly.
“You're welcome.”
This might have been his cue to leave. Cassian couldn’t suppress the deception burning in the hollow of his ribcage. He had to remind himself that this wasn’t a big deal. He barely knew Jyn—literally had no idea about her existence half an hour ago. This wasn’t a painful heartbreak. He couldn’t say the same thing about that poor dude. He should’ve been glad not to be the one to have lost her.
“I'm about to leave,” Cassian explained, “but… you're not alone, right? If you need someone to walk you back…”
There was no hidden agenda in his mind but he realized just a bit late how insistent he might have sounded. Gracefully, Jyn gave him a free pass (which he thought was strange because she didn’t seem like the type to let people get away with their bullshit).
“I'm good,” she said. “I'm in Jericho Hall, it's just across the road. But thanks for the offer.”
“Right, so… maybe I'll see around,” Cassian poorly smiled.
“Maybe you will,” Jyn smiled back and he didn’t feel as half as bad anymore. “Practice what I said during winter break, you'll tell me if it worked for you.”
“Ah, yeah… I'll try to do that. Have a nice holiday.”
“You, too. We’ll catch up in another bathroom.”
.
.
.
As Cassian realized that day, running errands on Christmas’ Eve was a severe lapse of judgment. For a starter, temperatures had dropped below his tolerance's threshold. The short walk from his car to the convenience store froze some parts of his anatomy that he valued most when not frozen. Added to that, the aisles proved to be severely understocked (as if everyone had the same idea as him).
Cassian should’ve just ordered a pizza for dinner, but it sounded quite sad—even by his standards. Thankfully, he managed to score some fresh mushrooms and tomatoes. He would settle for some sort of pasta dish tonight; better than a pizza to celebrate his non-holidays mood. Before moving to the cash register, he grabbed an additional pack of beer.
He then stopped dead in his tracks, arms busy with all his purchases. He instantly recognized the side profile of the young woman emptying her basket just ahead of him. It wasn’t difficult; he had thought about her quite a lot lately (too much for his own good).
Upon running into her like that, a surprised sort of longing bloomed in his chest.
Jyn’s hair was loose on her back, small white dots of snow still clinging to it and slowly melting down to wet her shoulders. Cassian thought about saying hello, dying to hear her voice again, but as he looked at her unnoticed, an uneasy feeling held him back.
Jyn wasn’t… happy.
She seemed tired from the look on her face, lost into an oversized black parka, clutching a wool scarf to her chest with red fingers. She was probably dying to get back to her place and— Was she spending the evening alone?
“$15.23, please.”
She pushed a hand through her hair and let out a heavy sigh, then went to check her pockets.
“Shit, I—hmm... I didn't bring my purse,” she mumbled. “I only have ten something on me, forget the ice cream and the—”
“I'll pay for it,” Cassian said and moved to put his items on the counter.
He hadn't meant to jump on her like that, didn't want to intrude, didn't want to be that guy. But when he caught a glimpse of her eyes, red and vulnerable, his guilt suddenly went missing. She was a far cry from the memory he had of her. Jyn needed someone to be nice to her tonight and he could be that someone.
“Cassian—” she gasped with a slight surprise, “no, that's alright.”
“Put it on me,” he insisted and reached for his wallet as the cashier was bagging his late-night grocery haul.
“Thanks,” Jyn muttered, half-embarrassed. “I'll pay you back.”
“No need. Here,” he said and handed her the plastic bag.
Her freezing-cold hand brushed over his as she accepted it. Cassian had to physically stop himself from reaching out in an attempt to warm her. If he thought he had it bad, Jyn looked like she was dying from hypothermia. He wished she had brought some gloves, maybe a hat. He wished… a lot of things.
Enveloped by an uncomfortable silence, they walked side by side toward the exit.
“I didn't know you were staying on campus during the holidays.”
“Yeah… it's kind of a long story,” she brushed off, evidently not disposed to talk about it. “What about you?”
“Well, plane tickets are really expensive around Christmas and I wasn’t really bright about my finances lately. It kinda sucks but I need the money for next semester.”
“Sorry.”
“It's okay, I'll skype home and get virtually bullied over my disastrous cooking. Almost the same.”
He managed to get a timid smile out of her, but not much more. Holding the front door for her, they both stepped outside. They were greeted by the winter's cold atmosphere and continuous falling snow. A long shiver agitated Jyn’s shoulders while the grip on her scarf tightened.
“Are you on foot?” Cassian asked. “I'll drop you by your dorm if you want.”
“It’s alright, it's just a few minutes walk.”
“It's pitch black and minus eight billion degrees outside,” he frowned. “I'm not gonna let you walk in the dark all alone.”
“Eight billion,” Jyn mocked with a soft voice, “only that.”
She looked up to the sky as she spoke, snowflakes caught up in her eyelashes and melting on her face. Under the streetlamps lining the sidewalk, her skin looked an unhealthy shade of white that startled Cassian into straight-up worrying.
“Come on, my car is right there,” he offered again.
His insistence was rewarded by a small nod of agreement. It wasn't much but he could at least make sure that she made it back to her place in one piece. Jyn didn't really know him though; he was just that guy she had met at a party. He didn’t want her to feel unsafe around him, so he made a conscious effort to put emphasis on his intentions.
“Jericho, right?” Cassian asked when they got into the car.
“Yes.” Jyn fastened her seat belt and put both hands between her thighs, trying to warm them. Cassian unzipped his own parka and turned on the heater as he left his parking spot to take the road.
There wasn't much traffic in the area (thanks to the snow maybe, to the winter break most likely). It was a short ride to the college residence, too. Jyn didn’t appear to be in the mood for small talk, only looking at the road through the passenger window. Cassian took the hint and didn’t try to force a conversation. He wouldn't have known how to do that anyway. He hoped that the warming air had invited some heat back into her extremities. He would've loved to check for himself but kept his thoughts locked in the back of his mind.
A few minutes later, Cassian pulled up right in front of the desert building entrance.
“Here you are. Don't forget your stuff.”
He was regrettably out of excuses to keep Jyn with him, despite a very tangible gut feeling yelling at him to intervene.
“Thanks,” Jyn said and unclipped the seat belt, keeping her head facing down, “you're really sweet.”
“It's nothing,” Cassian told her. “I'll wait for you to get inside.”
She reached for the door handle—and maybe he was still trying to find excuses, but maybe he caught a concerning tremor in her gestures. A decoy composure reading to break. It wasn't his place to ask—he knew that—but Cassian couldn't stay silent.
“Hey,” he called with a low voice, “whatever is going on, you don't have to stay alone. You can spend the night at my place and get virtually bullied for bad cooking, too. I know you barely know me but I can see you're really upset and I don't want to leave you here like that.”
Jyn froze, facing away from him. Cassian wondered if he had overstepped the line. She didn’t get out.
“I don't think this is a good idea,” Jyn finally managed to say.
“I have an air mattress and I'm not that bad of a cook if you don't listen to my mother. You can text anyone to let them know you're with me…”
“It's not that,” she choked out with a trembling voice, “I'm just going to ruin your Christmas mood.”
“I'm not a Christmas person. I don't even have a tree.”
Cassian couldn’t see her expression but her shoulders fell a little lower as if she was trying to retreat into herself. He definitely couldn’t let her walk away now.
“I can't force you to accept,” he said, “but please don't make me leave you here crying.”
Jyn stayed silent, still facing the window to evade him. He couldn’t tell if she felt embarrassed or scared. Cassian decided to change tactics. He leaned on the driving wheel to try to catch her attention, yet she obstinately refused to look at him.
“I can drive you to a friend if you prefer, just tell me where to go.”
“No,” she turned her head to the side, not entirely looking at him but still searching. “I'd rather—stay with you… if it's okay.”
“Absolutely. My place, then?”
She nodded her agreement. That was good enough for him.