Chapter Text
Everyone noticed the change in Wei Wuxian, but no one understood what was happening. One moment he was firing off answers to Lan Qiren’s questions with a subtle smirk, and the next moment his eyes were dull and flat.
Dead looking almost, and unblinking, focused on the floor.
He stood there in silence for a moment, swaying faintly on his feet. The red anger that had started to show in Lan Qiren’s face started to fade as his scowl morphed into confusion. Jiang Cheng, knowing his brother as well as he did, was getting worried. He had never seen that look on Wei Wuxian’s face before, and as the silence stretched longer and longer, the more and more scared he was becoming. Just as he was about to stand, Wei Wuxian blinked.
He blinked again, his face still empty of any emotion. When had Wei Wuxian ever been emotionless?
His brow was the first thing to move, twitching faintly as his eyes lifted from the ground. His eyes, so bright and youthful only moments ago were now heavy with guilt and sorrow and other emotions that could barely be described. He looked at Lan Qiren first, the confusion in his face doubling. The older man stared back, startled by the sudden change in the boy’s demeanor.
Wei Wuxian blinked again, looking to his right. He made eye contact with Jiang Cheng, who was halfway standing, intending to rush to his brother’s side, only to fall back when he saw the unfiltered fear in Wei Wuxian’s silver eyes. Wei Wuxian had never stepped back from Jiang Cheng, as if he was scared his brother would run him through with his sword.
His gaze shifted towards Jiang Yanli and his whole face went slack. Tears started rolling down his pale cheeks, his mouth moving silently as if in prayer. Yanli looked at him, prepared to rush over to comfort her XianXian, but before she could he stumbled back, straight into the chest of someone behind him.
“...” Lan Wangji looked at the smaller boy, face impassive. He knew Wei Wuxian was a troublemaker, but even he could tell this wasn’t a prank. As good of an actor Wei Wuxian could be, there was no way he was faking how hard he was shaking or the tears falling faster and faster from scared eyes.
“N-no…” Wei Wuxian whispered, ripping himself away from Lan Wangji, who was too shocked by the sudden movement to do anything. His breathing picked up more, until he was on the verge of hyperventilating. “This… this is-”
“Wei Wuxian, do you require medical assistance?” Lan Qiren asked, deeply unsettled by the boy’s behavior. Wei Wuxian tugged on his hair, as if trying to snap himself out of something. He flinched suddenly and pulled his robes open, his tears falling onto the clear, unmarred expanse of his chest.
“I shouldn’t-” He placed a shaking hand on his chest, just above his stomach and below his heart, his eyes somehow widening even more.
The disciples in the room jolted to their feet as Wei Wuxian’s knees gave out. He slammed down on the ground so hard everyone winced from the second hand pain, but Wei Wuxian didn’t seem to notice.
Reaching a shaking hand out, he took Suibian. He unsheathed it only a few inches before dropping it onto the ground with a loud clunk. The sound seemed to echo through the room, the only other sound being Wei Wuxian’s crying.
“No…” his voice shook harder. “No..no- no, no, no I- I shouldn’t be back-” He tried to struggle to his feet, only for the room to spin violently.
The last thing he felt was arms around his waist before his world went dark.
The class stared at Wei Wuxian, no one speaking. What was there to say after seeing the usual class clown act so… soberingly scared of- of everything.
“I will take him to the infirmary.” Lan Wangji said, pulling Wei Wuxian’s still form into his arms in a way that he would be able to carry him easier.
“I’m going with you!” Jiang Cheng rushed to his brother’s side, his own heart beating out of his chest.
“Inform me when he wakes,” Lan Qiren said sternly. If this really was just a prank, he was going to make sure Wei Wuxian never broke another rule again. “Now, back to the lesson…”
Wei Wuxian was disoriented when he woke up. Where was he? He was in a bed? Why was he in a bed? The last thing he remembered was…
The cliff. Falling. Being stopped. Lan Zhan. Jiang Cheng. Falling again.
So why was he in Cloud Recesses? Why was his core back?
Had he gone back in time?
He sat up slowly, trying to stop the room from spinning by taking deep breaths as he went. He looked around, seeing that he was in a place he was very familiar with. After all the punishments he received during his schooling with the Lan Clan, he was very used to the sight of the infirmary, with its white curtains separating the cots and the faint sound of a zither in the background. He forgot how music was fairly common in Cloud Recesses. Every junior disciple was required to learn an instrument to act as a secondary spiritual tool.
The room was empty, other than him, and he was grateful for it. It gave him a chance to figure out what the FUCK was going on.
“Okay,” He said out loud, hoping speaking it would make it easier to understand. “So I came back in time. That’s… cool. Wait, does this mean I can fix everything? I can save Shijie and Jiang Cheng. Stop Lotus Pier and Cloud Recesses from burning… stop the Yilling Patriarch before it even begins.”
“Wei Ying?” A familiar voice called out. Wei Wuxian stilled, his breathing almost stopping completely as Lan Zhan came through the curtains separating the boy’s bed from the main entrance of the building.
“Ahaha, fancy running into you here.” Wei Wuxian tried to smile, but it felt so heavy that it instantly fell from his face. He wanted to pretend to be the Wei Wuxian from all those years ago - genuinely happy and ready to cause trouble - but he… couldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to even pretend.
It hurt too much.
“Brought food.” Lan Zhan said, setting a tray down on Wei Wuxian’s lap.
“I was never allowed to eat in bed before,” Wei Wuxian smirked a little - the closest he had to a real smile since… since he ruined everything. “Guess I’m the guest of honor today.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” Wei Wuxian gave Lan Zhan a tight smile before turning to his tray. It wasn’t that he disliked the food at Cloud Recesses - he remembered a time when even a shriveled piece of grass was more appetizing than having to tear into the flesh of something unknown, having to force the poison from the meat out of his system before it took over and killed his body and soul but he couldn’t stop or else he would starve so he bit and ripped and chewed and tried not to throw it back up or think about what a MONSTER HE HAD BECOME-
“Not nothing.”
“You’re awfully nosy today,” Wei Wuxian took a tentative bite, only to instantly feel his stomach revolt. He managed to swallow down the bile, but he knew the second Lan Zhan left he would be emptying himself completely. “What happened to the three thousand rules of being a stick in the mud?”
“Wei Ying... hurt?” It was obvious Lan Zhan was putting a lot of thought into his words. That was something Wei Wuxian always admired about the other man- the other boy. While Wei Wuxian ran his own mouth off without a second thought, Lan Zhan chose each word carefully, like he was writing a poem, weighing the meaning behind each syllable like it was something precious.
“No, just… confused…” His voice dropped to a whisper. Pushing the tray off to the side, Wei Wuxian swung his legs over the edge of the bed, his feet not quite hitting the floor. Had he really been this little when he was fifteen?
“I must go,” Lan Zhan said, standing gracefully. “Will be back.”
“Alright.” Wei Wuxian didn’t put up a fight, or tease the other boy. Lan Zhan stared at Wei Wuxian, almost as if waiting for a punch line or for the smaller boy to grin and tease him for falling for a prank, but it never came. Wei Wuxian offered him another tired smile before laying down and turning his back to Lan Zhan.
Lan Zhan took the tray, having a feeling Wei Wuxian wasn’t going to eat it if he left it there. He spared the boy once last glance before passing through the curtain and leaving Wei Wuxian alone with his thoughts.
“You idiot! You nearly scared us half to death!” Jiang Cheng scolded the next day, when Wei Wuxian surprisingly joined them for lessons. None of the disciples had expected to see Wei Wuxian for at least a few days, considering how sickly he looked after fainting. Even though he was back, they could all tell something was off.
“Ah, forgive me,” Wei Wuxian grinned sheepishly, looking down at his feet. “Don’t know what came over me.”
“Are you feeling better, A-Xian?” Yanli asked softly, worry shining in her eyes.
“Of course Shijie,” he chirped, trying to keep his tone light. “Just needed some rest-”
“You’re crying…” a voice made Wei Wuxian freeze. He glanced over his shoulder and saw Lan Zhan, who had paused by their tables to check on the other boy.
“I’m what?” Wei Wuxian didn’t know what he was talking about until he touched his face and felt how tacky they suddenly were. “Ah, seems I am. Guess I just missed Shijie worrying about me.”
“Idiot, maybe try NOT making her worry for once!” Jiang Cheng hissed, snacking Wei Wuxian on the back of the head gently.
“Sorry! Sorry,” Wei Wuxian put his hands up in surrender, not looking directly at either of his siblings. He didn’t deserve to look at them. “Lan Zhan, don’t you have different lessons this hour? Why are you here?”
“Wanted to check on Wei Ying,” he said softly. “Not in infirmary so I came here.”
“Ah! I should have told someone I was leaving,” a somewhat genuine smile pulls at the corners of his mouth. “My apologies, Hanguang-Jun.”
“Hanguang-Jun?” Jiang Cheng asked, looking between his brother and the second young master.
“Um-” Wei Wuxian was thinking a mile a minute trying to come up with some sort of excuse, but thankfully he didn’t have too.
“Be more careful,” Lan Zhan said, saving him from having to defend the odd name. “Don’t forget your punishment.”
“Of course.” The old Wei Wuxian would have had a FIELD DAY teasing Lan Zhan about this, but there was little room for teasing left in him now.
“Mm.” Lan Zhan nodded minutely before turning and leaving. Jiang Cheng looked between where the white robbed boy had just disappeared and his brother, who was picking at his food like a sulking child.
“Is there something I missed?” He asked, scowling at Wei Wuxian.
“You’ll understand one day.” Wei Wuxian have his brother his best suggestive wink.
“You-” the younger boy spluttered, face reddening at what Wei Wixian implied. “The last thing I want to think about is what you… get up to in your free time.”
“I’m glad A-Xian’s made a friend outside of you and Nie Huaisang,” Yanli hide a smile behind her sleeve. “He needs a little more guidance than you two.”
“Hey!” Jiang Cheng turned his betrayed look to his sister, who just giggled more.
Wei Wuxian watched them with a fond smile, trying to memorize the scene. If anything happened and he wasn’t able to fix his mistakes, he wanted to remember his family like this. Smiling, happy.
Alive.
“Have you finished?” Lan Zhan asked, noticing how Wei Wuxian was writing something that absolutely wasn’t the rules he was supposed to be copying. He had been given punishments before, which he complained about every moment they were happening, but after the… incident, he had been almost concerningly subdued.
This time, however, he was being punished for doing the same thing he was doing then - working on something that wasn’t pertaining to whatever lesson he was supposed to be paying attention to.
“Huh?” Wei Wuxian looked up, and Lan Zhan noticed a smear of black ink on his cheek. “Oh, yeah it’s done. Do you want to check it?”
“Mm.” Lan Zhan watched carefully as Wei Wuxian brought a small stack of papers towards him. It had only been a few hours, so there was no way he had actually finished everything. The last time Lan Zhan was told to write rules, it had taken him two days - a record time, according to his brother.
He blinked down at the papers, thumbing through them. Not a stroke was out of place, even if the writing was a bit sloppy. Lan Zhan knew he should scold the other boy for rushing and make him redo at least one set in his best calligraphy, but something was telling him to let it go.
“So? Everything up to expectations?” Wei Wuxian asked, eyeing his table as if he wanted to get back to work on whatever it was he was working on.
“Sloppy.”
“Ah, I’m sorry,” Wei Wuxian’s light smile didn’t falter. “I guess I just got used to writing like that. Never know when you’re going to run out of time, so you have to get your thoughts down as fast as you can.”
“Wei Ying…” Lan Zhan furrowed his brow a fraction, concerned about how the other boy was talking.
“Don’t mind me,” he chuckled, but Lan Zhan noticed how pale he was. When was the last time he really saw a healthy flush on Wei Wuxian’s cheeks? “If I could be excused, there are some things I want to read up on.”
“On what?” Lan Zhan inquired. Having overseen numerous punishments, he was one of the few people that knew every single text stored in the main section of the library. There were more in the secret vault that even he has yet been given permission to read, but he knew one day he’d have the honor.
“Um…” Wei Wuxian looked away, his hand going to his waist, only to grab at air. Lan Zhan had noticed the other boy’s odd habit quite a few times, actually. It was as if he was reaching for something, only to realize it wasn’t there.
“I could help Wei Ying.” He offered, hoping to at least find a clue into Wei Wuxian’s strange behavior.
“I don’t want to bother Second Young Master Lan,” Wei Wuxian said with a chuckle, but there was an edge to his voice. “It’s fine, honest. I just wanted to check something on a few maps.”
“I can get them for you,” Lan Zhan stood, his robes falling perfectly around his legs. He noted how Wei Wuxian took a step away from him the second they were within touching distance. “What area?”
“Um….” Lan Zhan could see the thoughts racing through Wei Wuxian’s head as he thought.
I need a way to stop the water borne abyss, which should be happening any day now, he talked through everything to himself. Escape routes and places to evacuate for both Lotus Pier and Cloud Recesses if I can’t stop that… Maybe the area around the Burial Mounds? Or the map around the QingQi Pass. If I can’t save Wen Ning and the others before going to that camp in the first place, knowing how to get there quicker could be an asset.
“Wei Ying?”
“Oh, right,” He snapped out of his thoughts, feeling a little sick to his stomach. He had the fate of the entire world on his shoulders, and this time he was all alone. Before, he had Jiang Cheng and even after he turned his back on the Jiang Clan, he had his demonic cultivation to support him. “Maps of the areas around Cloud Recesses, Lotus Pier and Yilling to start, if it’s not too much trouble.”
“...Mm.” Lan Zhan blinked at Wei Wuxian a moment longer than he probably should have before turning and going towards the area with the maps.
Wei Wuxian knelt behind his table and looked at the stack of scribbled papers. He was desperately trying to come up with a strategy that would save everyone, sketches of the inventions and talismans that he hadn’t thought of until he was sequestered in the Burial Mounds, and a diary of sorts, where he jotted down the thoughts that tried to consume him completely.
As of then, most of the latter most category were about demonic cultivation. How he was afraid of it, but realized no matter how hard he tried to avoid it that it was going to be inevitable if he wanted to save everyone. He didn’t care if he lost his core, his life - his soul - as long as the people he cared about were safe and happy.
Maybe they’d even be better off without him. Jiang Cheng was able to rebuild Lotus Pier with almost nothing - he didn’t really need Wei Wuxian around to mess things up. Shijie was going to marry Jin Zuxian, and she won’t ever want for anything ever again. Without him, his uncle and Madame Yu wouldn’t have any reason to fight anymore. The other sects would probably be glad to be rid of him as well - no more loud, obnoxious, show-off Wei Wuxian popping out of nowhere and besting their lead disciples anymore. Especially the Lan sect. He knew how much the Lan Elders despised him. The only person who was ever nice to him was Lan Xichen and…
Lan Zhan, but he wasn’t even sure if the while-clad boy was nice to him because they were friends, or to stop Wei Wuxian from annoying him by prematurely giving in to him. Wei Wuxian’s heart ached.
Even if they hadn’t gotten along near the end, he adored the other. There was something about Lan Zhan that was… refreshing. Wonderful. Lovely… even near the end, when Lan Zhan was Hanguang-Jun - one of the many people out for the Yilling Patriarch’s blood - he still felt peace at the sight of the white robes. Found calm in the sound of the Qin as Lan Zhan plucked at the strings as if it were second nature.
“Wei Ying?” Lan Zhan’s voice broke Wei Wuxian from his thoughts. He didn’t realize something was wrong until he noticed a very openly concerned look on the normally stoic face of the Second Jade.
“Ah, where did these come from?” He asked with a chuckle, wiping the tears away with the sleeve of his student robes. He gathered his notes up, frowning at how his tears had made some of the ink run in a few spots.
“Hurt?” Lan Zhan knelt carefully across from Wei Wuxian, several rolls of parchment tucked under one arm.
“No, not hurt,” Wei Wuxian’s smile was bitter, despite his comforting words. “Just… I’m alright Lan Zhan. No need to worry about me.”
“Wei Ying… can talk to me, if he wants.” Lan Zhan said slowly, trying to make sure every word sounded as sincere as he meant them to be. He noticed Wei Wuxian’s eyes widen a fraction before that same broken smile plastered itself on his face.
“Thank you, Lan Zhan, but I’m really fine,” His tongue darted out to wet his lips, which were dry from how often he gnawed on them as he concentrated. He recalled how Wen Qing would scold him if she caught him biting his lip, and how she had thrown some sticks at him, telling him if he needed to chew on something, at least use these. He remembered how sweet the sticks had tasted as he worked, and how her face seemed to relax when his lips stopped bleeding. “You found the maps?”
He hated how his voice shook. They were fine - Wen Ning and Wen Qing and the others. They were alive, for now at least, so why was his chest constricting as if it was the first time he realized what they had done for him?
Something warm covered his hand, breaking him from his thoughts again. He looked over and saw Lan Zhan had placed his own hand over Wei Wuxian’s. It felt nice, he realized. Other than Wen Yuan and Wen Qing as she wrestled him to have his wounds treated, he hadn’t really had any human contact in…
Years.
Maybe it had been when his Shijie and Jiang Cheng had gone against the sects and visited him, to show him Shijie’s wedding robes and share some soup, like old times. Then, she had hugged Wei Wuxian tightly. It had been hard not to ruin her robes with his tears. He couldn’t remember. He couldn’t remember a lot from that time.
And now Lan Zhan was all but holding his hand. Warmth flooded through his system and with another shock he realized Lan Zhan was using his own spiritual energy to calm his golden core. Was it that obvious that he was constantly on the cliff of a breakdown?
He didn’t know when the tears started, but soon he was covering his face with his free hand, alternating between sobs and laughs. Lan Zhan didn’t say anything, nor did he remove his hand.
“Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian croaked, after what felt like hours of crying. His head hurt, and this throat hurt, and his face felt like the first time he and Jiang Cheng had gotten into a fist fight with ended with both their noses being broken. “Can… can you keep a secret?”
“Mm.” He blinked, not sure where the smaller boy was going. Wei Wuxian chuckled again, and it somehow sounded even more broken than before.
“I… I don’t think I can do it,” His voice cracked, more silent tears chasing the drying trails from before. Lan Zhan just watched him, at a complete loss for words. “I… I really, really don’t think I can do it… I can’t- I can’t do it! I’m not- not enough! And there’s nothing I can do to change that!”
“Wei Ying is enough.” He offered, knowing that it wasn’t going to help the way he wished it would.
“Thank you Lan Zhan, but that’s simply not true,” A wry smile made its way to his face. It was only because of years of training that Lan Zhan didn’t react to the look on Wei Wuxian. “I know what I have to do, and it scares me… I don’t- I never wanted that, but I don’t have a choice, and that scares me more than what I’m going to have to do.”
“Let me help.” Lan Zhan whispered, his hand holding onto Wei Wuxain’s just a smidge more.
“I can’t,” Wei Wuxian sounded pained as he pulled his hand away. He cradled it, as if he had been injured. “I can’t get you involved. I have to do this alone. I can’t… not again…”
“Again?”
“I…” Wei Wuxian’s jaw shut with a click, and if Lan Zhan hadn’t been the only Lan disciple in the library, he would have thought someone put the silencing spell on the other boy. Wei Wuxian just chuckled darkly again. “Young Master Lan, may this humble disciple request to take these maps with me, just for the night? I doubt you want to stay in the library pavilion all evening, and I doubt that you’d allow me to stay alone even more. I promise I’ll return them before morning lessons.”
“Mm.”
“Really?” Weu Wuxian blinked at Lan Zhan, his silver eyes wide and glossy. Lan Zhan nodded again, and if he weren’t so worried he might have even smiled a little at the pure shock on Wei Wuxian’s face. “Thank you, Lan Zhan. You have no idea how much this is going to help.”
“Don’t forget to sleep.” Lan Zhan called softly, but it was too late. Wei Wuxian - as well as his notes and the maps - were already out the door. Lan Zhan sighed and turned to clean up what he was working on. It was almost nine, and he was starting to feel exhausted.
“Hey! Wei Wuxian!” Jiang Cheng called over to his brother, who never came back to their shared room that night. Normally, he wouldn’t care if Wei Wuxian stayed out late - he was used to the older boy sneaking out as soon as the other disciples were asleep and slipping back in right before dawn, but this wasn’t normal. Nothing about Wei Wuxian had been normal lately. Even when he was in the room, Jiang Cheng could tell he barely slept.
He was always awake, scribbling away by candle light as Jiang Cheng was falling asleep, and was already awake and dressed by the time Jiang Cheng woke up the next morning. That, and Jiang Cheng could easily tell his brother was beyond exhausted - if the bruise like marks under his eyes weren’t enough, he was more reclusive and snappish than ever before.
Never before had Jiang Cheng ever heard Wei Wuxian genuinely get angry at someone, but the other night…
“Wei Wuxian! Stop running away!” Nie Huaisang hissed, making Jiang Cheng freeze in the shadows. It wasn’t quite curfew yet, and he wanted to get a breath of fresh air before bed. He hadn’t planned on overhearing his timid friend scolding his brother.
“Who said I was running away?” Wei Wuxian answered. Jiang Cheng couldn’t see him from where he was hiding, but his voice sounded tired. His voice always sounded tired now and Jiang Cheng hated it.
“You don’t eat, you don’t sleep, you seem to know everything that’s going to be taught before any of the teachers even open their mouths… you’re always writing down god knows what and you always look like you’re one sharp word away from bursting into tears,” Nie Huaisang listed, his voice quiet but full of emotion. Jiang Cheng could hear him opening and closing his fan - a habit he realized he friend had when he was anxious. “We’ve known each other since we were children, and even though we only really became close friends here at Cloud Recesses, I believe it’s safe to say that I know you pretty well, and this isn’t like you at all-”
“What do you know about me?” Wei Wuxian cut him off with a wry chuckle. Jiang Cheng had to bite his cheek to stop him from saying anything. “You… you don’t understand ANYTHING about what’s going to happen, let alone anything about me… now, I have work to do. I’d appreciate it greatly if you stuck that overly perceptive nose of yours elsewhere.”
Jiang Cheng couldn’t see what was happening, but he heard what he assumed was Wei Wuxian turning to walk away, only to be interrupted by more scuffling footsteps and the sound of fabric rustling.
“You act like the world is against you,” Nie Huaisang accused. They sounded farther away now. “Like you have to- to move mountains all by yourself, but you aren’t by yourself! You’re an idiot if you think I, or Jiang Cheng, or even Second Young Master Lan would make you do anything alone-”
“Shut the fuck up,” Wei Wuxian’s voice was so cold and harsh that Jiang Cheng felt all the blood rush from his face. He had never heard his brother sound so sinister, so… bloodthirsty before. It was almost like it wasn’t even his brother at all. “Nie Huaisang… you’re so good at twittering like those stupid little songbirds you love so much…”
“Wei Wuxian-” Nie Huaisang sounded strangled, almost like Wei Wuxian was holding him by the collar of his robes.
“I-” All the fire drained from Wei Wuxian’s voice. “Just go to bed. I appreciate your concern, but this really is something I have to do on my own. Maybe one day I’ll explain everything, but right now all I can do is keep you - and the others - out of it.”
“What’s gotten into you?” Nie Huaisang asked, still sounding a little pissed. “You used to be so- so-”
“So what? Nice? Smart? Approachable?” Wei Wuxian let out another chuckle that sent shivers down Jiang Cheng’s spine. “Trust me, I wish to be that Wei Ying as much you do, but I can’t be. I have to be this Wei Ying.”
“But why?”
“... to right all the mistakes I’ve made.” Wei Wuxian whispered, his voice so packed with pain and regret and guilt that it felt like his words had punched Jiang Cheng right in the stomach. He couldn’t be bothered to fight the stinging coming from his throat.
“Wei-”
“I have to go now,” Wei Wuxian cut him off again. Why did he sound so old all of a sudden? It was as if his brother had been replaced by someone with many more years and sins in their name than Wei Wuxian had. “Get back to the dorms safe, okay? I’ll… be at lunch with everyone tomorrow, I promise.”
“I’ll hold you to that.” Nie Huaisang said, not sounding happy in the slightest. Jiang Cheng heard them walk off in two different and took his opportunity to sprint towards his room, which he knew was going to be empty.
“Wei Ying… what the fuck have you gotten yourself into this time?” He asked the air as he slumped into his bed.
“Wei Wuxian! Don’t ignore me you idiot!” He called again. This time, the back of his brother froze just long enough for Jiang Cheng to catch up to him.
“Sorry Jiang Cheng, guess I’m a little out of it today.” Wei Wuxian offered him a tired smile, but it didn’t last long. In fact, he looked so exhausted that Jiang Cheng felt sick just looking at him. It reminded him of when his Mother would push their training whenever she and Father had gotten into a fight, leaving the disciples - Wei Wuxian and Jiang Chen in particular - so tired that they threw up the second they stopped moving.
“No shit,” Jiang Cheng scoffed, earning a somewhat more genuine smile from the other boy. “You look like absolute crap. Where have you been?”
“Um… working on stuff.” He said vaguely, wrapping his arms around himself as if he were cold. If it had been anyone else, Jiang Cheng might have accepted that he was just chilly, but he knew Wei Wuxian ran warm - never getting cold even on the chilliest of Lotus Pier nights, wearing only his under robes as he walked barefoot through the lotus plants.
“You’re always working on ‘stuff’,” Jiang Cheng scowled at his brother, who at least had the sense to look a little guilty at that. “When was the last time you ate anything? You’re looking like a walking corpse.”
“Ah, just haven’t been hungry,” Wei Wuxian brushed off his brother’s concern, but had gone pale for some reason. “I promised Nie Huaisang that I would come to lunch with everyone more often, so it’s fine.”
“Whatever,” Jiang Cheng huffed, not wanting to let slip that he accidentally overheard their entire… conversation, if that’s even what one could call it. “I’ll ask for extra meat in your bowl. You need more protein-”
“No!” Wei Wuxian cut him off with a startled shout. A few Lan disciples across the way turned to look at them, but they scurried away before they could be given punishment. “I- I’m fine with the meatless options they serve here, really.”
“You? Don’t want meat?” Jiang Cheng asked. Now he really knew something was wrong with his brother.
“I just… it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.” Wei Wuxian’s face darkened, and Jiang Cheng felt whatever retort he was about to say get stuck in his throat.
“I see…” he really didn’t, but he also didn’t press it. This wasn’t his brother anymore - not the Wei Wuxian that he knew like the back of his hand. This Wei Wuxian was like a wild animal - familiar but unpredictable. He never knew what his brother was going to do or say next.
“Come on, they’re waiting for us in the dining hall.” Wei Wuxian gave his brother a smile, but could tell the younger boy didn’t quite buy it.
His stomach sank. He was so focused on planning… something to save everyone, that he couldn’t be bothered to put any effort into his act. He couldn’t let anyone know something was wrong, but apparently he was so transparent that even his emotionally constipated brother was able to see something was amiss. Wei Wuxian bit the inside of his cheek - something he had been doing too often when he was lost in thought - and scowled at the sudden taste of iron. It made his stomach roll even more.
He hated the stares he got as they walked into the dining hall. Because they were just guest disciples, the ‘no talking while eating’ rule was a little tamer, and because of that a very soft whisper erupted as he took his seat. He didn’t even look at his bowl before picking it up and bringing a bite of something to his mouth.
“Wei Wuxian wait-” Jiang Cheng tried to warn him, but it was too late. Little did he know, Wei Wuxian had picked up his brother’s meal, rather than his own which was right next to it. They were practically the same, except that Jiang Cheng’s had a healthy serving of meat on top, while Wei Wuxian’s was meat free.
The second his teeth bit into the meat, Wei Wuxian’s eyes flew open. He gagged violently, spitting it out and throwing the bowl away from him. Everyone was openly staring at him now - even the Lan members - but he couldn’t care less about them.
Instead of being in the Lan sect dining hall, he was back in the Burial Mounds. His chest was on fire from the incision Wen Qing made to take is core. His body as a whole was throbbing from Wen Chao’s men beating him within an inch of his life and then throwing him from a cliff into this god forsaken land. His stomach screamed for food - he had no idea how long it had been since he landed, but there was no food or water anywhere. His head swam from exhaustion and malnutrition and the voices that wouldn’t stop SCREAMING AT HIM TO GIVE IN AND GIVE UP AND LET THEM TAKE HIS PAIN AWAY-
That’s when he saw it. He stared at it, disgusted at himself for even considering it but… he knew if he didn’t eat soon he really was going to die. There was only so long he could go without food - with his core, he might have been able to last a few more days before it started getting anywhere near this bad, but he didn’t have it core anymore.
He stared at the corpse, and could tell it was still semi-fresh, the flesh barely bloated at all. He guessed some local dumped it here after a fight. The corpse had a gash on the temple and fingerprints around the throat - definitely a dispute turned violent, resulting in this poor man’s death.
Wei Wuxian considered giving up. If this was his only option for survival, was it even worth it? Wouldn’t it be easier to just… give in?
Then he remembered the people he had to fight for. Jiang Cheng, and Shijie, and Lan Zhan. The Jiang clan, and the looming threat of the Wen clan. He thought about all the things he could do if only he made it out of this hellscape.
He’d be able to see his family again. He could have Shijie’s soup. He could help rebuild Lotus Pier and fulfill his promise to his brother - to always be by his side and be the Twin Heroes of the Yunmeng Jiang clan. He could see those Wen dogs pay for what they did to Lotus Pier and to his family. He could punish them for burning Cloud Recesses and hurting Lan Zhan. He could bring peace back to his life again.
Wei Wuxian steeled his nerves and did the only thing he could.
He survived.
“Oh god-” His stomach heaved again at the memory, barely rushing from the dining hall before throwing everything up on the smooth white stones he was once forced to kneel on - back in a past life.
He couldn’t taste any of the spices or flavors of the meal the Lan sect had so graciously provided for them. All he could taste was rot and hunger and bile and resentful energy seeping into his very being-
“Wei Ying!” Lan Zhan’s voice called out, but instead of comforting the smaller boy, it just caused him to panic more.
He remembered how Lan Zhan sounded, trying to convince him to go back to Cloud Recesses with him - to leave the Wen remnants behind to die, in favor of being held prisoner in the one place that despised him the most.
“I- I can’t go back!” His whole body heaved again, only bile and spit dripping from chapped lips. “You- you don’t understand! I can’t- I can’t go back-”
“You’re safe,” Lan Zhan tried to calm his friend as other disciples called for someone to help. “You’re in Cloud Recesses, you’re safe here-”
“No!” Wei Ying began thrashing in Lan Zhan’s arms. “They’ll- they’ll kill me there! Lan Zhan they’ll- they’ll KILL ME I CAN’T GO BACK-”
Wei Wuxian slumped in Lan Zhan’s arms, Lan Xichen crouching at their side. The older Lan brother pulled his hand back, the blue spiritual energy he used to put Wei Wuxian into a peaceful sleep curling in the air.
“Brother-” Lan Zhan’s voice was clipped.
“I know,” Lan Xichen nodded solemnly. “I’ll write to them immediately.”
“Mm.” it broke Lan Zhan’s heart, but he didn’t know what else to do. Wei Wuxian was disappearing in front of his eyes, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
Jiang Cheng watched as Lan Zhan - Wei Wuxian in his arms - followed a healer away from the dining hall. He knew something was wrong when his brother asked for no meat but he never expected… that.
He didn’t even know what happened. One second he was trying to warn Wei Wuxian that he grabbed the wrong bowl, and the next his brother looked like he was going to throw up and sob at the same time. He had let out a strangled cry before rushing from the room, only to fall to his knees and heave onto the rocks.
Jiang Cheng knew Wei Wuxian didn’t have a weak stomach - in fact, they joked that his stomach was made of metal stronger than a cultivator’s sword, seeing how he could eat food spicy enough to melt a weaker someone’s tongue without breaking a sweat.
Wei Wuxian didn’t have a weak stomach, so for him to react so violently…
Jiang Chen vowed he would get to the bottom of whatever was happening to his brother. Before things got any worse.