Chapter Text
Staring.
The ceiling was covered in little plastic stars. So childish.
But then again, this lovely incarnation of the Doctor was just that, Missy thought, running her hands through Yaz's hair. The Doctor was curled up against her side, fast asleep- despite the annoying fact she was always indignantly stating she didn't need as much sleep as her companions. And Yaz was enveloped in Missy's arms, on the opposite side. As the sleeping blonde shuffled beside her, unwanted thoughts ran through her head.
Was she really good enough? Why, of all people, had the beautiful alien and human duo, chose to love her? A murderous..arrogant psychopath..
She didn't deserve it.
Getting up from the arms of the sleeping women cautiously, she just needed to think about some things. Putting her hand against the TARDIS wall she whispered to the immense consciousness, "Find me.. somewhere...um, with plants, dear?" Hesitantly. Listening to the affirming sounds of the ship, she walked slowly down the halls to her destination. At arriving, Missy found a quiet place in the corner to sit.
~I'm not worth it.~
~I don't deserve their love.~
~They don't really love me.~
~I am unlovable.~
She felt a weight in the pocket of her jumper. She told herself she wouldn't do this. Not again. It's not important.
Is it?
Sliding the small handled knife from the pocket, she tossed it from hand to hand for a moment, before resolving. She pulled her sleeve up her arm and made a small mark, stifling her sob with her hand. It was painful. But that was fine.
♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢
Crawling back into her place, sandwiched between the women, she didn't notice a certain woman's eyes were slightly open.
"Where did you go?" Yaz asked her drowsily. "I woke up because.." she trails off, embarrassed, "I was worried you might have, uh, run off or something..." her eyes were closed again by now, but she was holding Missy tightly. Surprisingly, the Doctor had not roused at Missy clambering across her, especially for someone who 'didn't need sleep'. Settling down, Yaz fell back to her dreams.
But Missy didn't get a wink.