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Orpheus almost looks back.
It’s overwhelming. The doubt comes in and he hears voices, murmurs and secrets that sink into his heart like bricks in the River. He’s heavy, he’s floating, he’s not good enough not good enough not good enough. A mantra in time with each step.
Each step, a new voice. Each step, another reason. It’s bearable until it’s not, until it’s a cascade of Who am I to help them who am I to save her who am I to try to change the world into what it could be who am I am only a man I am only a man I am only a man I am only a man
He stops walking.
He’s underwater; weightless and silent. Around him life ebbs and flows, and he thinks that this must be what death feels like. He’s forgetting something, he thinks it was important but the thought is washed away before it can form. Maybe he should rest, he’s tired of all this walking and - why is he walking? He doesn’t remember why he left in the first place, where he was going. He should go back, it’s always easier to go back. Then suddenly the idea of not turning back is agonizing, he needs it like a song, and the part of his mind that screams at him to wait for her is so very far away.
Orpheus.
He’s startled back into consciousness mid-turn. He remembers a name like a melody and a promise he made. He remembers a song that isn’t finished yet and a man with feathers on his feet. He remembers and he knows it’ll turn out this time.
Orpheus stops walking and starts running. Running towards the future, faster than the doubt, trusting in himself and in his love. And when he reaches the top, he keeps running right into Eurydice’s arms.