Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Chapter I  

“Park, I need you to make two sets of copies of this. Leave them on my desk as soon as possible. I want them for yesterday”. Jimin’s boss demands, dropping a thick folder with a heavy thud on the boy’s desk. Jimin tries as hard as he can to not roll his eyes in front of the man. He just sighs and nods with a polite smile, the one he always pulls when he wants to smash someone’s face between his hands but in the time being he can’t. You know, this man here apparently is not aware of the fact that there are certain ways to ask for favors, because this one makes the favor number six that Mr. Choi has asked so far this morning, according to Jimin’s impeccable memory, and not even once he said 'please'. 

“Yes Sir, you’ll have them ready in ten minutes tops” the young man assures, taking the folder in his hands and rushing down the third floor.

Among the things that make him hate this job so much, there's the dimwit from the copy room, George. The man is a thirty-year-old stuck-up asshole with big squared glasses and a bad taste for plaid brown and yellowish ties, who found his liking in teasing the blond every given opportunity. 

As soon as the elevator dings and the doors slide open, Jimin sprints right to the copy room only to be stopped dead by said dude. A face he definitely did not want to stomach today.

“Park”.

Jimin bows to him as his lips press into a thin line.

“Seems like you’re in a hurry” George remarks with a smirk before taking a sip of his coffee.

“Yes. Unlike you, people here work hard, you know?”. The blond fires back with venom laced in his tone, still blowing puffs of air trying to even his breath, a result of his previous jogging. George's evil smile falters but he manages to clear his throat as if the comment didn’t reach him.

“Mr.Choi keeps having it in you. Giving you last-minute tasks, uh?” the purple-haired man says nodding at the younger's folder.

“Yes” Jimin replies in suspicion with a wary look.

“Poor thing, his boss keeps taking it out on him, that’s not nice”.  Jimin glares at George not wanting to form any sort of sentence fearing ending up yelling profanities at his jerk co-worker. George clicks his tongue turning around to walk towards his work area. He uses his free hand to open the door to the little copy room, and Jimin follows him inside.

“I’m guessing you need copies of those” George comments.

“I wouldn’t be here any other way, you think I like seeing your face?” Jimin replies acidly with a smirk while fumbling with the stack of papers in his hands, not needing to look to know the taller is shooting daggers at him.

“Jimin-ssi, mind take a look at the shelves over there?”. Jimin lifts his head and squints at him with a dubious look but immediately obliges. In the farthest corner of the messy room full of blank sheets spread on every possible surface, there are two large shelves with piles of paperwork filed in folders of different colors all scattered untidily. The smaller rolls his eyes and jerks his gaze back to George crossing his arms over his chest.

“It is with the deepest of sorries that I inform that the copy machine will be taken for the next five hours. I have to make copies of all that” George says, dragging the last words and nodding at the folders lying all messily on the shelves. 

“But the green folders are the contracts for Friday’s meeting, you have plenty of time to copy them and I need  these for Mr. Choi right now. I told him I would have them done in ten minutes” says an angry Jimin, wiggling the folder right on the man’s face.

George brings his hand to his chest giving Jimin an exaggerated apologetic look that the blond knows for sure is fake as hell. 

“Guess, I’ll have to use the copy machine on the fifth,” Jimin says, gritting his teeth.

“Oh, haven’t they told you? It’s out of service”. The blond scoffs and murmurs a ‘really’ ironically. 

“I’m really sorry, I guess Mr. Choi won’t have his copies done anytime soon” the older laments before chugging the remaining liquid in his paper cup and throwing it in the garbage bin.

“Fucker” Jimin grunts underneath his breath barely audibly.

“Did you say something, Jimin-ssi?”

Jimin glares at him, hands forming fists, doing his best to not punch George right in the face and break those awful and old-fashioned glasses that he always wears. He only smiles sheepishly and decides not to give the man the pleasure of seeing him lose his shit at their workplace.

“Good then. Well, Park if you don’t need anything else, I kindly ask you to leave so I can get back to wo-”.

The door to the copy room bursts open showing a slender young lady wearing a loose white silk shirt, scarlet suit skirt, and red stilettos, both arms wrapping three thick folders against her chest.

“H-Hye-jin, w-what a pleasure having you visiting the third floor” George stutters, pulling up his glasses with his finger.

“Hey there, Georgie”,  the lady greets him with a flirty tone. “I’m in quite a pickle, you know?” she says, sticking out her bottom lip.

“Oh no, no, no we don’t want that, no. What’s the matter?” the taller asks, taking a few steps closer, Jimin watching the scene with a weirded out look.

“It’s just that I need five sets of copies of these babies as soon as possible, but I see you have tons to finish. I’m desperate”. The blond scoffs and rolls his eyes for the umpteenth time today.

“So that’s how it works then”.  Jimin mumbles, gaining the attention of the two. Seeing that he was caught in the headlights, he manages to fake a smile and look away.

“Anyway, guess I’ll get going since you’re too busy to do me this favor” the female co-worker trails off, a pout still showing on her lips, as she gently tugs the purple-haired man’s tie. The latter gulps and blinks comically, trying to wrap his head around the fact that he has this beautiful woman a few inches away from his face.

“Actually, I-I c-can copy you those” Hye-jin’s eyes light up and gasps, pulling away from George and letting go of his tie almost immediately.

“What?”

“WHAT?” Jimin yells in tail, disgruntled.

“Oh thank you so much, Georgie baby! I owe you one” Hye-jin squeals, grabbing his cheeks with both hands for a couple of seconds to then take a few steps back, having her mission accomplished.

“No, no way! I got here first?!” the blond argues exasperatedly, throwing his hands in the air. Hye-jin remains unbothered checking her nails.

“Park, for the love of all that’s good, be a gentleman and let Hye-jin get her copies, okay?” the man replies with a faint voice, totally starstruck not taking his eyes off the stunning woman.

“Okay, okay. Hye-jin hyuna, for when do you need the copies delivered?” Jimin asks quietly, trying to cool off his thoughts. Two minutes left to hand in his set of copies to Mr. Choi, the clock ticking by.

“Mmm” the woman starts, poking her chin with her finger as if doing some hard thinking. “By tomorrow, but I don’t want to get stuck with this by then so the sooner the better, right?”. Jimin snorts and looks at George.

“And I need mine NOW! George! My papers are more urgent!” the blond whines stomping his foot.

“Oh no, but it would be such a pity for this lady to get stuck with her papers, wouldn’t it?” the older smirks, ogling at the lady’s long legs.

“What the f-”

“Jimin-ssi, no swearing at the workplace...” Hye-jin singsongs with a snide tone while pointing at the sign on the wall.

“Vulgarity spoils everything. Modesty beautifies it” - Hadith Tirmidhi

Jimin’s fuming. He glares at George sporting a shit-eating grin and wants to kill him right there and then. From the corner of his eyes, he also sees how the woman hands him her folders before taking her leave, not without sending George a flying kiss that makes him go all red on the cheeks.

”You’re a dickhead, hope you know that” Jimin finishes, snatching his folder from the desk and storming off right behind Hye-jin.

”Jimin-ssi, Jimin-ssi... Don’t paint me out as the bad guy here. I’m only trying to be courteous. That's all” the man supplies with that sickening smirk of his. The blond stops on his tracks and turns around fake smiling to finally show him the middle finger and slam the door loudly behind him.

The blond wants to “d” word so badly and get the hell out of there but yet he’s conscious that if he does, no one’s going to pay the bills for him next month. 

So here you go, your average beginner office clerk Park Jimin, twenty-four years old, working his ass off for the lowest salary in the building. He's single as fuck and a manga geek, trapped in a job he hates with an upsetting boss that he half of the time wants to send to hell and the other wants to kick out of his office window on the eighth floor. But he knows he’s too young to go to jail and he can find a better job in the future (as long as he doesn’t get killed in this one before that happens).

Taehyung, his soulmate and roommate, can barely afford his less than half of the lease and the food. He says his career as an actor is about to bloom but Jimin can’t see any of that happening at the moment. Taehyung keeps taking part-time jobs as the babysitter of the naughtiest triplets ever-existing, as a cashier at a nearby grocery store, as a dog walker and as a mower. Jimin knows for sure how his friend busts a gut every month to make ends meet. 

The days that Jimin gets home from work all drained and utterly crushed with a fried brain thanks very much to Mr. Choi, he stumbles upon a table served with the most delicious samgyeopsal and a smiling Taehyung wearing his stained apron looking oh so happily, and Jimin instantly forgets what has gotten him mad and frustrated in the first place. 

Sometimes he gets ill-worried about the bills and his shrunk wage but then comes Taehyung with two bottles of soju and a bag of chips and shares long-hour conversations on the balcony with him that always end up with them laughing like crazy. They both met through Jimin’s brother Seokjin, and thanks to Jimin, Taehyung met Yoongi, his boyfriend. 

He still remembers the moment the younger boy saw Yoongi for the first time. He was finishing moving his things from his old apartment into Jimin’s when he found the boy sprawled on the couch, limbs all over the place while scrolling down on his phone. Taehyung gasped and dropped the heavy boxes he was carrying, making Yoongi jolt and almost fall flat to the ground at the noise. Jimin couldn’t hold back his laughter because of the raging red flushed on Taehyung’s cheeks. Yoongi only frowned at the younger with a gesture of ‘seriously dude?’ for like seconds to then get back to his initial position, not minding anything that had just happened. The blond immediately introduced his friend to his new roommate and they both shared awkward looks and polite smiles. As soon as Yoongi had been out of earshot, Taehyung started squealing like a teenage girl with a high school crush and asked him everything about the older. Taehyung found out that Yoongi was indeed single, having gotten out of a long relationship just a few months prior that first meet. He learned that he was an underground rapper and owned a bar, that he had a Persian cat named Koolly, that he played the piano from a very young age and that his sense of humor was, well, nonexistent. Jimin reflects on the memories he has of those times and how the tables have turned in a blink of an eye. How in less than three weeks Taehyung and Yoongi started to go on dates and make out at every given chance, at every single spot. It was quite uncomfortable for the blond to get home sometimes and find them all over each other on their very couch.

It looks like they fell in love really fast. Yes, they did. But that’s just their love. Crazy and passionate. Rushed yet gentle. 

They were the one and the same. And after two years, they still are.

From the sidelines, it looks like Taehyung is the most committed to their relationship, well, that’s what seems the obvious thing to think.

But Jimin knows better.

The Yoongi before Taehyung was constantly grumpy, his shy and reserved personality made him almost unapproachable, but the Yoongi after Taehyung is the opposite of all those things he used to be. He now is the clingy one, the sick romantic, the sensitive who sulks when Taehyung is not around for too long, and the clown of the group. Yes, the younger broke him. He ruined him...but he ruined him for good because Jimin is positive about how happy his friend is now. The happiest he’s ever been. 

The younger broke through all his walls and stole his heart with the slightest effort, almost as if Yoongi had been waiting all his life for him to do so. Any other person would have been the wrong one. Taehyung is the right one. Simple as that. Because he burst into his routine to never leave and become the love of his life, and Jimin feels a little bit proud about it and finds it hard not to gloat it's all thanks to him.

Jimin tries not to give too much thought to his constant feelings of envy and jealousy. He loves his friends to bits, don’t get him wrong, but you see, the blond has never been in a relationship. The naughtiest thing he’s ever done was a mouthed and drunk kiss at the club when he was nineteen with a random dude whose face he doesn’t recall because, soon after that, everything had blacked out. The only thing he remembers clearly is that the guy reeked of vodka. Ugh. 

But even though Jimin has been single since the dawn of time, he knows what love is. He knows what it feels like, what things it makes you do, silly things, most of the time. He knows the power of loving someone so much and being willing to give anything and everything to see that person happy. He’s familiar with the butterfly sensation in the stomach when that person smiles at you and the sky looks like it's going to split in half. He knows how heartbeats become faster and erratic when that person holds your hand.

The thing is that Jimin knows. He knows too many things. But sadly, not all of those things make him happy.

Because Jimin also knows about heartbreaks. He knows about crying nonstop all night long because that person told you they had their first kiss with the girl they've liked for so long. He knows the sinking fear of losing that person to another one who promises them the whole world. He knows how it feels to never be looked at twice. He painfully knows how it feels to wear your favorite clothes just for them to not notice and not spare you one single glance. 

Jimin knows how unrequited love feels like. That shitty torture that he’s been living with over ten years. 

Because Jimin fell in love once and forever.

Because Jimin fell irrevocably and desperately in love with his childhood best friend.

The smaller shakes his thoughts and resumes working, getting to his cubicle with no copies whatsoever and the certainty of an upcoming scolding by none other than Mr. fucking Choi.

Jimin sighs heavily and drags his feet back to work. He's typing on his desk computer when he's interrupted by his phone dinging. He ogles the screen and automatically the day gets better and birds start chirping and the sun starts shining brightly outside and he feels like being inside a musical. Like all the bad things that had happened to him throughout the morning just vanished into thin air, almost feeling like rushing five floors down and kissing George right on the cheek. That is how serious Jeongguk's effect is on him. He has that power on him, after all these years. And Jimin couldn’t love him more than he does now.

Jeon fucking Jeongguk.

From Kookie🐰 [10:32] 

hey Jimin hyung! how’s the day going so far?

hope those fuckers aren’t making it any

hard on you!! (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)ﻭ

 Jimin wants to squeal and spin all around the floor but he can’t. Fuck.

Me [10:33] 

hey kookie! they are, but what choice do I have?

anyways, your texts are the highlight of my day

keep them coming!  

From Kookie🐰 [10:33] 

what a bunch of bastards, they’re gonna catch

these hands one of these days, really.

The blond muffles his giggles with one hand while he types with the other.

Me [10:34]

oh jeonggukie, no

they’re not worthy of your time

believe me 🙈  

From Kookie🐰 [10:34] 

okay Hyung, but you know that i’m one call away,

right?

i hate seeing you suffer, and i know how much you

hate that shithole of a job.  

Me [10:34]

oh, my knight in shining armor! I know babe, and

i thank you for that.  

From Kookie🐰 [10:35]

i love you hyung, you know that, right? 

“I wish you would love me the way I do, Jeonggukie” the boy mumbles to himself. He knows that the younger means it but he also knows that he doesn’t mean it in the way Jimin wants to.

Me [10:35]

i love you too, dummy

 you have no idea 

“Guess you’ll never know”, thinks the blond.

From Kookie🐰 [10:35]

awww I love it when you get all sappy hyung

bet your pouting right now😝

And Jimin isn’t pouting, more like pulling a weak smile just not to cry.

Me [10:36]

you really know me, uh

From Kookie🐰 [10:36]

sure i do

i’ve known you for almost all my life, jiminie.

anyway, there was a reason why i wanted to 

text you

Me [10:36]

*gasps* 

oh you hurt me, kookie

i thought you didn’t need a reason to text me 

because you love me dearly and miss me 24/7

From Kookie🐰 [10:37]

don’t be like that hyung, you know all that is true

i just wanted to tell you something really really

important and wanted to do it in person

sooo

Me [10:37]

sooo?

From Kookie🐰 [10:37]

dress pretty i’m taking you out

we’re going to this fancy restaurant my brother

recommended me so put your best clothes!!

Right at this instant, Jimin feels like the air has been knocked out of his lungs. For a moment he forgot how to breathe. How was it? Inhale and exhale? The smaller blinks at the chat and looks at it over and over again trying to see if what he read is actually true. 

Me [10:38]

come again??

you’re taking me out? w-why?  

From Kookie🐰 [10:38]

you’re stuttering over text?! 

oh my! 

park jimin you’re the cutest thing on this planet fr

yeah i'm taking you out, can’t i pamper my favorite

hyung ever??  

Me [10:38]

yes you can, but why the restaurant though?

you know i’m fine with just pizza and soju at my place

why going so poshy?

From Kookie🐰 [10:39]

because this is not like all those other times

this is different

there’s something i wanna tell you

Jimin’s heart is going to jump out of his chest any time soon. He doesn’t want to give too much thought to all this but, can he not? His treacherous mind tells him that maybe, just maybe, Jeongguk will finally confess his feelings for him. But, hold on, are there any feelings to be confessed in the first place? What does Jimin know? The blond wants to scoff and hit his head against a wall several times just to accommodate his crazy thoughts.

Me [10:39]

oh my god, kookie you’re scaring me

you’re not dying, are you?!

who’s gonna eat the edges of my bread from now on?

who who  

From Kookie🐰 [10:39]

lol hyung stop, no, i’m not dying

so you’ll be stuck with me for a long while 

these are good news, really

and i soo want to tell you

seriously, it’s all i’ve thinking about since i woke up

"Easy buddy" Jimin whispers with a hand over his poor little heart that can't stop shaking inside his chest.

Me [10:40]

kookie don't do this to me!

you know how impatient and curious i am

do you know me like, at all???

give a hint

otherwise, I'll knock you over next time i see you

From Kookie🐰 [10:40]

no no, sorry,hyung

no spoilers

Me [10:41]

this is payback for that time i ate your candy bar

isn't it

From Kookie🐰 [10:41]

😱😱😱😱

i knew it was youuuu!!!!!!

the betrayal!!

Me [10:41]

get over it kookie, it’s long gone 

no need to tell you where the chocolate 

is right now😂

From Kookie🐰 [10:42]

traitor! it was a gift from my cousin!

it was swiss chocolate you knew that?

s w i s s 

Me [10:42]

oh please, i’ll buy one later okay?

stop whining baby

From Kookie🐰 [10:42]

you can’t because you need to fly to switzerland 

to get one

you got it was swiss right? hyung do i need to give you

a world map?

Me [10:43]

you silly, i know where switzerland is 

and it’s okay, we can plan a trip there 

in the future and stock our luggage with 

swiss chocolates only.

how does that sound?

From Kookie🐰 [10:43]

not bad actually, I’d love that

okay hyung, tonight, 7 sharp 

elegant outfit, overpriced cologne

and the nicest shoes you have in your closet

i'll pick you up at your apartment and we’ll go

from there

be ready!

and punctual!

Me [10:44]

yes, mister! your wish is my command

tonight, 7pm

got it!

beware, i may be too handsome tonight

don’t fall in love with me

The boy doesn’t know where all that boldness came from but it’s too late to back down now.

From Kookie🐰 [10:44]

promise i’ll try my best 

although i know it’s gonna be hard

see you tonight hyung!!!

ヽ(^o^)丿

And with that, the blond’s heart finally stopped. How can he hold such power on him? Such power that makes him want to fall onto his knees and praise the floor the younger walks on.

Park Jimin is so Jeon Jeongguk’s.

And Park Jimin is so fucked. Big time.

“That was Jeongguk, right?” his co-worker Namjoon asks, leaning on his elbows over Jimin’s cubicle wall.

“How-how did you know?” asks a dumbfounded Jimin. The tall dimpled guy softly chuckles and shakes his head.

“Because he’s the only one who can put you in a good mood and leave you smiling like that” Namjoon assures, pointing at his lips. The blond flushes as he lowers his gaze and keeps typing on his computer. The tall young man looks at him for a good second and releases a heavy sigh afterward.

“I don’t understand, Jimin. When are you going to tell him? On his wedding day?”. With that the blond glares at him, brows knitted.

“Stop it, Namjoon hyung. We’ve already had this conversation and you know what I think about this. Please, don’t push it” the blond pleads with eyes squeezed shut.

“I’m sorry Jimin, you know I don’t want to pressure you, but it’s been a long time coming. Aren’t you tired of loving him in silence?” he asks him with a pained expression full of empathy and maybe a little bit of pity.

“Don’t look at me like that, hate it when you do that. There’s nothing to say, hyung. He's straight". 

"Has he ever told you that?" the boy inquires, raising his brow.

"Jeongguk has only been with girls, hyung" the blond sighs. "Besides, if he had feelings for me he would have told me long ago, don’t you think? And what if he doesn’t feel anything at all? What good would be telling him? Ruin our friendship for the sake of confessing? No”.

“I understand that. It’s just that I can’t stand seeing you mop around every time he goes out to party and tells you he made out with some random girl all night and was just too drunk to text you back” the older reminds him.

“I know. I know all that, believe me. I’ve been experiencing it for a while now. I’m familiar with the feeling, but hey, I outdid myself. I cry fewer hours now”, jokes the blond but Namjoon finds it everything but funny. Jimin’s smile falters and tears his gaze away.

“Look, I’ve been in love with Jeongguk for as long as I can remember. Loving my best friend had its ups and downs, obviously. On one hand, I’ve never hurt this badly in my entire life, the tears and tons of tissues I spent on him can’t be compared with anything I have gone through before. But on the other hand, I’m glad I got to feel something this strong, this deep, you know? Loving someone is magic, Hyung. It’s so fucking magic even if it’s one-sided. It’s like being cast a spell on, and it’s worth it. Once, I read that loving and getting hurt is better than not having felt anything at all, and I agree. You bend and break, yeah, love is trouble guaranteed but still you learn so much, it’s like a byproduct. Every single feeling that person triggers in you humanizes you, makes you mortal. You are no longer the most important person in your life but them. When you love you don’t recall what being self-indulgent was because you now live to give that someone what they deserve. Being a better person also makes you feel the best. The people in love are so damn lucky because we’ve got to perceive the most uplifting force in the universe. When we love we’re braver. And I like that. So even if Jeongguk doesn’t love me back, I will never regret falling in love with him. Ever”.

Namjoon blinks the tears that menace to burst out and ducks his head.

“Wow, Jiminie. You make me want to fall in love. How can you have those pure thoughts and not share them more often?” the boy says, wiping the moisture below his eye with his thumb. Jimin giggles and crooks a bright smile.

“I made you cry, hyung, that’s not something that happens every day. I feel honored” the younger teases him.

“As you should, you brat! I haven’t cried since I watched The Lion King when I was twelve”.

Jimin gets up from his swivel chair and pats the taller’s back.

“You’re strong, hyung, you got this” the blond keeps mocking him.

“You little shit” Namjoon whines, pulling away from him and going back to his cubicle right next to Jimin’s.

“Okay so, mind telling me why did I catch you smiling at your phone screen like an idiot? What did he tell you this time around?” Namjoon asks while opening his desk drawer to take out some papers.

“Oh, right. Well, apparently he wants to tell me something really important so he invited me out to a classy restaurant tonight” the boy says almost whispering the last part of the sentence.

“HE WHAT?” Namjoon yells, eyes wide as saucers.

“Shhhh keep it low!” the blond whispers yells, rolling his chair towards the boy in a rush and covering his mouth with his hand.

“Wgfy fdidfnt youf tefl mwe?!”

“What?” Jimin asks, scooting back and frowning at the taller taking his hand off his mouth.

“Why didn’t you tell me?! That's brand fucking new information, Jiminie!” Namjoon exclaims, throwing his hands in the air. Jimin blushes and averts his gaze to his computer, resting his clammy hands on his thighs.

“It’s that- I- I don’t know. It’s weird, you know? Yes, we go out a lot, of course. But taking me out to a fancy-ass restaurant just to tell me something important? Never. I don’t want to get my hopes high because only me knows how much that’s going to hurt if it’s not what I expect” the younger confesses sighing and rubbing his forehead.

“Jiminie” Namjoon starts as he rolls his chair a little bit closer, “I know you’re saying this not only to convince me but yourself too. Yes, I overreacted and squealed like a little girl but, the truth is, we actually do not know what Jeongguk wants to tell you. So please, please, brace yourself for both the good and the bad. It’s a really wise decision of yours to have these thoughts, but because I know better, I ask you to take your own words to heart, okay? I don’t want to come here to work tomorrow and see you with your eyes all puffy and red from crying. Anything you want, you have my number. It doesn’t matter if it’s ass o’clock in the morning, call me or text me, alright?” Namjoon reassures him, leaning in to wrap his arms around the other boy in a tight hug.

“Thank you Namjoon, hyung” the boy mumbles, his words sounding muffled against the taller’s shoulder.

“Okay, now the really important thing… What are you going to wear?”

Jimin stands in front of the full-length mirror tucking his dress shirt inside his pants. He then adjusts the knot of his tie and checks his slender and dainty body making a slow spin. The blond is wearing a silk button-up white shirt, a black slim fit suit, and silver dress shoes. His hair is slicked back as some rebel bangs fall over at the sides of his face. He scoots closer and checks his earrings in both ears and smiles at the reflection.

“Done” he hollers, throwing his tiny fist in the air.

“Knock, knock” Taehyung comes calling, as he opens the door to Jimin’s bedroom with a wide smile adorning his lips. “You ready?” 

“Don’t! You will ruin what took me almost half an hour to style!” Taehyung complains, rushing inside the bedroom to smack his roommate's hand when he attempts to trace his fingers through his hair.

"Are you nervous?" Taehyung asks him while fixing Jimin's tie for him.

"Nervous is an understatement, Tae. I think I'll throw up in any given minute".

"Well don't throw up on your blazer, you spent a pretty good amount of your salary to buy this one" Taehyung reminds him with a warning tone.

"Believe me, I recall having made that decision" he snorts a restless laugh and checks his outfit in the mirror once more.

"Oh, the power of love" the taller coos with an endearing smile bringing his hands to cup his own cheeks. Jimin slaps him on the shoulder eliciting an 'ouch' from the younger.

"Shut up, Tae. And please when Jeongguk gets here, don't embarrass me, okay? I don't think I can be any more nervous. I maxed out".

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, babe. It's just that it is such a random move for him to suddenly invite you for dinner at this classy place saying that he has something really important to say. My delulu ass is in the clouds right now" Taehyung squeals, clapping his hands cutely.

"Oh my, what are you even talking about?"

"Don't you know? I've shipped you and Jeongguk since the day I met you" the brunette confesses, wiggling his eyebrows.

"What's 'shipped' anyway?" Jimin asks, utterly confused while wrinkling his nose.

"You so lack E!, Jiminie" Taehyung sighs with a shake of his head.

"What-"

Before Jimin can finish his sentence, the doorbell to the apartment rings, most likely announcing that Jeon Jeongguk is outside, ready and obviously looking so smoking hot like he always does to take Jimin on a ...date?

“Jeongguk’s coming up already” Taehyung announces and Jimin’s smile falters as he starts pacing back and forth in the room.

“But it's not seven yet, I-” Taehyung points at the clock hanging on the wall and yes, it’s seven sharp.

“Fuck your punctuality Jeon Jeongguk” the smaller mutters.

Jimin’s roommate walks back into the living room and strides over to the door. He peeks through the peephole and sees a well-dressed Jeongguk replicating the image of a model from some fashion magazine, with his back and right foot resting against the wall and hands tucked in his pockets.

Taehyung doesn’t waste any second to open the door, the sound of the chirring door sending Jeongguk into a jolt, though never abandoning his sexy pose.

"Wow, he damn well put some effort into his outfit!"

“Hyung? I thought you were Jimin” the taller huffs somewhat confused, all the previous struck pose deflating and turning into a normal one. Taehyung smirks at this and gasps a ‘wow’ before stepping aside to let him in.

“He’s in his bedroom finishing his outfit,” Taehyung tells him and Jeongguk nods.

“Fancy place, uh? Jiminie told me” the older boy comments while folding his arms. 

“Yeah” Jeongguk replies smiling. “It’s been a while since I wanted to take Jimin to this restaurant. The food there is delicious”.

“I see,” the older says with an amused look. Jeongguk turns to glance at him with brows knitted and a very puzzled look but shrugs it off quickly. 

As soon as silence settles in the room, the door to the blond’s bedroom opens and a glowing Jimin steps out, shining and sparkling in all his glory. He makes his way into the living room, Jeongguk sitting on the couch and his roommate with his hips leaning against the armrest.

“Kookie, ready to go?” Jimin asks with a honey and soft voice, startling both boys and making them whip their heads towards him. Jeongguk’s jaw drops as soon as his eyes graze his best friend from head to toe. He crooks a bright smile and gets on his feet.

“Damn, Jiminie! You’re making it really hard for me not to fall for you, uh” the younger says with a teasing tone. The blond feels the air hitch in his throat and gulps, laughing nervously. Taehyung, meanwhile, glares at the dark-haired boy and facepalms, shaking his head in frustration.

“T-told you, Jeonggukie” the older half-smiles. Jeongguk’s curly raven hair looks longer, Jimin notices bangs falling over his forehead. The taller whips his head making his hair sway and dance like in slow motion. He's wearing a button-up striped white dress shirt, a navy blue fitted blazer and slacks, and a fine and a delicate black bow tie making him look like a prince.

“He’s so dumb” Taehyung mouths, eyes wide at his friend just when Jeongguk gives him his back. Jimin shrugs with a sad smile.

“Okay, so let’s go then!” the taller beams, strolling to the door to lead them both out. "See you later, hyung".

"Bye guys, have fun!" Taehyung dismisses them, waving his hand with a boxy smile.

“Let’s go, Kookie” Jimin calls his best friend, rolling his eyes.

The restaurant is packed to the rafters. There are long queues of people almost freezing outside waiting to get in. The blond feels a little bit antsy about the whole dinner thing since he's not really used to eating at these kind of fancy places.

Jeongguk senses Jimin being a little bit off so he tugs his hand and takes it in his, giving it a light but reassuring squeeze. Jimin looks at their joined hands and up to lock his gaze with Jeongguk's. He crooks a tender smile and nods knowingly. Jeongguk leans in to whisper in his ear with the softest and most endearing voice ever.

"Relax, Jiminah. There's no need to be nervous. Just imagine we're eating Tteokbokki at your favorite pojangmacha".

Jimin feels the pit of his stomach getting warm and that butterfly sensation again bursting inside his belly. Taking a deep breath, he follows Jeongguk inside the restaurant, their hands still clasped together.

"Hey, aren't we supposed to wait outside like the rest of the people?" Jimin asks, stopping on his tracks, innocently knitting his eyebrows at the taller and forming a cute crease in his forehead. Jeongguk giggles and breaks out a boxy smile, letting go of Jimin’s hand to poke the smaller's tiny brow with his finger.

“I’ve made a reservation, Hyung. I knew this would happen since they serve the best rib-eye steak in town” the younger assures, not looking at him but around the place trying to find a single soul who can take them to their table. 

"Can't believe they left the desk unattended” Jeongguk complains, tapping his foot on the floor.

“Most probably they’re busy, Kookie,” Jimin says trying to calm him down while getting on his tippy toes and peering at the dining room through the little windows above the doors. “Wow, the food here must be glorious, the place is crammed as fuck!” he tells Jeongguk totally amazed.

“Told you” the taller grins at him. 

“Good evening, gentlemen. We apologize for the wait, tonight’s one of the busiest nights we’ve had in years” says a tall man dressed in an elegant suit and tie holding a folder while stepping behind the desk.

“Guess we all agreed to come here the same day, at the same time” Jeongguk jokes lightly, almost sounding like he is pissed. But Jimin knows him, he can tell he’s a little bit grumpy, yes, but it’s just temporary. You see, having observed Jeongguk for so many years has its perks.

“Reservation for...?” the host trails off, scrolling down his tablet.  

“Jeon Jeongguk” the boy supplies with a firm and thick voice. The man in front of him jerks his head upward almost painfully and stands straight fixing his jacket.

“O-oh, oh, Sir. I’m really sorry, believe me. L-Let me take you both to your table” the host stumbles over his words, being a stuttering mess.

“You’re not going to check if my name is on the list?” the younger raises his eyebrow at the man, pointing at the tablet.

“No, no. It’s not necessary, really” the man assures with an awkward laugh signaling with his hand to follow him. The boys look at each other shrugging and follow after him.

The man walks through the hall directing them to their reserved spot which is a secluded area at the very end of the room. He pulls back their chairs for them and asks a passerby waiter to bring them the most expensive champagne, informing him it’s on the house tonight. Jeongguk smiles politely bowing to him before taking a seat. He then looks over to the blond boy seated in front of him and notices him awkwardly inspecting his surroundings. 

Jimin's eyes fall on the line of windows across the hall and sticks out his lower lip.

“What’s wrong, hyung? Come on, tell me” the taller splutters, having all of Jimin's expressions memorized. Jimin averts his gaze hastily from the windows to look at the younger evidently caught in the act.

“W-What? Nothing Kookie, really” Jimin promises him with a smile while adjusting his posture in the seat, placing both hands under his thighs.

Jimin directs his gaze at the windows once again and Jeongguk follows it with his own.

The garden of the restaurant is beautiful and inviting, enlightened by strings of white lights and a marvelous water fountain placed in the center surrounded by apricot marigolds.

Jeongguk totally endeared nods in acknowledgment, a stupid smile forming on his lips. He raises his hand and beckons to one of the waiters. The blond tilts his head puzzled at the sudden action.

“Jeongguk?” Jimin asks in confusion, turning around to see the waiter approaching their table.

“Sir, can I help with anything?” the young employee asks after bowing to them.

“Yes, indeed. You see, my friend here would like to move to one of those tables with the garden view. Is it possible?” the taller inquires, without looking at Jimin who for sure is carving holes on his forehead with his eyes.

“Oh, it’s going to be a little bit complicated since the remaining free table is reserved for the next hour” the waiter lets them know with an apologetic look. Jeongguk nods and mouths an ‘okay’ before forming a pout with his lips giving the impression of being somewhat disappointed. 

“Damn, Jeon, you’re such a good actor,”  Jimin thinks and crooks a half-smile covering it immediately with his hand. 

“But-” blurts out the boy with panic in his eyes startling both young men, “we can check anyways, give me a second,” he says before sprinting towards the back room. 

“Oh my, you sure put that title to use, uh. What other aces have you got up your sleeve, mister?" Jimin whispers as soon as the waiter is out of sight. The younger only shrugs and gives him a shit-eating grin.

“Mr. Jeon, you can take the table with the  garden view” the waiter informs them as he comes back from wherever he went. “Gentlemen,” he invites them out of their table to their new spot.

Thank you, Jeongguk and your family name.

The blond looks down at the glass of champagne in his hand and then looks at the waiter not knowing what to do with it.

“Don’t worry, Sir. We’ll bring you a new bottle of that champagne”.

Jeongguk laughs breathily and pinches his hyung's cheek. 

“You’re so cute” Jimin gulps and takes one hand to his face to appease the blushing.

“I can’t believe you,” Jimin whisper yells, gritting his teeth and Jeongguk can’t help but chuckle.

“The advantages of having me as your fucking best friend” the boy supplies, fishing for his wallet inside the back pocket. He takes out some notes and hands them to the waiter who gasps and bows repeatedly in gratitude.

“Thank you, Sir, thank you” Jimin elbows the taller right at the side of his stomach making him hiss in pain.

“I didn’t take you for one to bribe, Kookie” the blond scolds him with a frown.

“I did not bribe him, babe. I’m being thankful” Jeongguk defends himself holding up his hands.

“Yeah, thankful my ass” the younger snorts a laugh and brings his hand to the small of Jimin’s back, leading them both the way.

                                       ⍣                 

“So basically the dude is an ass” the taller scoffs, wiping his mouth with the cloth napkin and leaving it back on his lap below the table.

“Yeah, but he’s always been this way. I wonder if that’s the reason why he’s still single” the blond giggles before sipping on his glass of champagne.

“Bet it is! I mean, what the fuck is wrong with him? You’re the kindest person I’ve ever known, can’t understand why would he take it out on you?!” Jeongguk complains, almost yelling. “I’ve told you already, Hyung, you’ve got my support. Tell a day and time and I’ll be there to teach him some lessons. ‘Some’ and ‘lessons’” the boy finishes, raising one fist and then the other making Jimin burst into laughter throwing his head back.

Jeongguk smiles and takes a mental picture of the view before him. It’s been decided, Jimin laughing and being all happy will be his favorite visual in the world from now on. 

Try to beat him about it!

“Don’t ever stop laughing, Hyung” Jeongguk utters almost to himself without lifting his gaze from his rib steak. Jimin’s giggles die down, as he looks at him shyly to finally nod and clear his throat.

“Seriously speaking Kookie, I think I can manage with those dickheads. I only go there to do my job, if they feel better belittling people, then there they go. Not my problem” Jimin shrugs it off.

“Jiminie when I grow up I want to be just like you” the younger teases, and Jimin clicks his tongue throwing him his napkin right to his face.

They spend the better part of the night laughing like the five and seven-year-old kids they once were, observing the people around them and playing that game where they have to make up a story about a random person, and the one with the most creative plot gets a large extra choco chips ice cream as a prize. And there was already a winner; Jimin and the story about the old lady sitting two tables apart from them where she’s the sweet granny neglected by her busy son and teen grandchildren who eats at a fancy restaurant, just to find a gentle somebody who agrees to drink tea with her at her pretty backyard, while watching the sunset. Just like she used to do with her deceased husband and the love of her life. Jeongguk accused him of being such a “sucker for angst” and only managed to remain silent processing the story his best friend had just told him. The taller had imagined that maybe Jimin would come up with something like a ruthless black widow looking for her next victim or any of that sort, but can you blame Jimin? He’s the boy with the most innocent and purest mind in the world so it was no wonder he would create such a lovely story. The younger always tells him that he is a sentimental creature. He feels too much, too deep, and that’s his favorite part of him.

Jeongguk caught Jimin upon with his newest jokes, most of them lame, Jimin would state, but the fact of being said by him was enough reason to bust a lung laughing and hit the table several times with his flat palm.

Yes, Jimin is in love, isn’t it obvious? But of course, he would spare the younger the unnecessary embarrassment of telling those jokes in public. That’s what best friends do, right? 

Now, how Jeongguk ends up with two bread sticks up his nose pretending to be a walrus, Jimin can’t tell. He doesn’t even remember what led them up to this humiliating situation but what he knows for sure is that Jeongguk looks really cute and that he loves him dearly. He loves him in every single way and every single second. It doesn’t matter if he’s just there breathing and existing, Jimin is capable of just stopping to watch him, scanning every little detail on his face, for example how his round dark orbs sparkle after every rapid flick of his eyelids. Or how his raven hair blows in the wind making his bangs fall over his eyes. Or how when he laughs a baby is born somewhere halfway around the world. Jimin can’t imagine a life without Jeongguk making him laugh when he’d have a bad day at work (a regular to him) or he’s sad over a tragic ending of some k-drama he’d been binge-watching for days. He can’t picture himself without Jeongguk's firm arms hugging him from behind by the shoulders while he types on his laptop trying to finish some last-minute request that his odious boss asked him to do before arriving to work the next morning. 

He’s determined that he will want Jeongguk in his life forever. But he can’t help thinking about the day everything changes. Because even though he doesn’t want to, things change. It’s nature. Things evolve, things shift. Sometimes into something better, sometimes into something worse. Sometimes it’s like a metamorphosis. And there are times where they just disappear.

How cruel that concept sounds to the blond… Jimin’s grown accustomed to Jeongguk’s constant presence in his existence, he can’t bear the thought of not having that anymore.

And now with Jeongguk here stuffing his nostrils with bread in sticks and trying to imitate some fucking sea mammal, the smaller stifling his non-stopping giggles with the back of his hand shaking his head totally obnubilated by the boy of the bunny smiles, he’s certain he won’t ask anything in this life other than just having his best friend making him feel like home. Making him feel complete. Because Jeongguk completes him. 

He always did. Since the very beginning.

Since that day in Elementary where a tiny seven-year-old Jimin was bawling his eyes out in the sandbox because some bad kids had taken his Doraemon plushie away from him.

“Why are you crying?” a five-year-old little boy with pretty dark doe eyes had asked holding his hand out to him to help him up. He tilted his head cutely and wiped Jimin’s tears with his baby thumb.

“T-They shoved m-me d-down a-and t-took m-my p-plushie” the tiny boy tried to explain between sobs. Jeongguk’s hands formed fists grunting at the image of the defenseless kid in front of him trembling like a leaf.

“Who? Who did it?”. Jimin locked gazes with him and pointed at some boys laughing their asses off while ill-treating Jimin’s Doraemon, shoveling the lovely teddy around.

Without muttering one more word, a fearless Jeongguk stormed off right towards the group of the rude boys. He was quite tall despite his young age so he approached the bad kids hovering over them, taking advantage of his fearing height. The boys stopped dead in their tracks and the one holding the plushie, hurried to hide it behind his back trying to play it dumb.

You could tell Jeongguk was a little man of few words because he just managed to push the boy down just like he had done with Jimin and punched him right in the face. The kid stood up, crying bursting out of his lungs, dropping the plushy to the ground. He rubbed his wounded cheek and immediately ran off wailing the teacher’s name while being followed by the rest of the gang who would look at Jeongguk with panic in their eyes. The taller only shrugged and picked up the toy from the ground before dusting it off and checking if it was in good condition. He turned on his heels and went back to Jimin, the latter dumbfounded with his tear-stained face not believing his eyes. It was the first time someone had stood for him like that. Was he going to be his new best friend?

“Here” Jeongguk muttered, thrusting the Doraemon plushie inside Jimin’s baby hands.

“T-Thank you” the smaller smiled, taking the toy and then putting back his little glasses.

“You’re welcome. What’s your name?” Jeongguk inquired, mirroring the tiny boy’s smile while the tip of his foot kept pushing a little pebble on the ground.

“J-Jimin” he introduced himself with a pout. The taller felt the need to scoot closer and squish the boy’s chubby cheeks.

“I’m Jeongguk ”.

“You have a nice name, Jeongguk”  little Jimin giggled with a watery nose. Jeongguk could swear he hadn’t heard such a melodious sound in his young life ever, he was sure he wanted to hear it for the rest of his days.

“And you have nice glasses,”  he replied, a little bit red on the cheeks, same as Jimin who was now escaping Jeongguk’s piercing gaze ducking his head.

“Hey Jimin, do you want to be my friend? ”. The smaller looked up hastily and widened his eyes in shock.

“Y-You want t-to be my friend ?” a thunderstruck Jimin almost whispered with that soft voice of his.

“Yes, why not?” the doe-eyed- boy demanded to know innocently.

“But I’m boring… a-and my cheeks are ugly and chubby” Jimin pouted, looking ashamed.

“I like your cheeks, they’re cute. Just like you,"  Jeongguk breathed a soft giggle.

“Y-you do?”

“Yeah. Besides, if you get to be my friend, I could protect you from those bad guys from earlier, or anyone who wants to bother you. I’m taller! My mummy says I’ve grown two inches these last two months. See!”. The boy said proudly, taking a step closer to show with his small hand the difference between his and Jimin’s height. Jimin looked at him totally endeared and nodded, crooking a sheepish smile.

“I want you to be my friend, but I’m small. And talk too much. That’s why boys make fun of me. They say I’m a little parrot” Jimin admitted, lips turned downwards.

“And I don’t talk at all,”  the taller informed.

“But you’re talking to me now” Jimin pointed out, frowning.

“Oh. I don’t know why, because I don’t like talking” Jeongguk murmured the last part to himself a little bit confused.

“Hey, we complete each other!” Jimin gasped out as if a good idea had just crossed his mind . “We can make a good team! You protect me from the bad boys and I do the talking” the smaller proposed with a boxy grin.

“Yes! We’re gonna be the best team ever!” Jeongguk hollered, throwing his little fist in the air to then bump it with Jimin’s. 

“Friends?”

“No. Best friends” Jeongguk affirmed with a half-smile and shiny eyes.

“Hey Jiminie, Hyung”, the taller calls him, snapping his fingers in front of him. Jimin jumps on his seat and comes back to reality.

“W-What, what?” the boy asks utterly confused.

“You zoomed out, I was trying to get your attention back but you were soaring above the clouds. Where was that mind of yours, Hyung?” the taller wiggles his eyebrows at him. 

“O-Oh. Nowhere, I was just listening to you, really” Jimin lies shamelessly biting his lower lip. Jeongguk squints his eyes in suspicion.

“So if you were listening, then what was I-”.

“Excuse me, can you take us a picture, please?” a young sweet lady interrupts their conversation with a bright smile plastered on her face, pointing to herself and his seeming boyfriend sitting at a table just behind Jeongguk. 

“Of course!” Jimin almost jumps out of his seat seeing the favor as a perfect escape from the questioning his best friend was just about to start. The blond follows the woman to her table and signals the lovey-dovey couple to scoot closer. They decide to mimic the iconic scene from The Lady And The Tramp with the pasta.

Jimin finds it adorable and makes him feel even more single than he already is. When the girl gives him a thumb up indicating that they are ready, Jimin snaps four times just so they have a range of options to choose from. The couple bows to him in gratitude.

“Hey, do you want me to take you a picture with your boyfriend?” the lady asks, fully convinced that Jimin and Jeongguk are a couple too. Jimin gulps and shakes his head hastily throwing his hands in the air. 

“Oh, no, no. We’re not boyfriends. He’s my best friend”, assures the blond, hurting himself with those words which are true but not less painful, not when being said out loud. The girl’s shoulders slump, feeling somewhat disappointed at the statement.

“Really? Oh, but you two looked so cute while laughing and playing around just minutes ago”  the young woman pouts. “You can totally pass as a couple”.

Jimin looks over at Jeongguk who at the same time retrieves his eyes from his phone and looks back at him smiling, being ignorant of the whole conversation. Jimin returns his gaze to the lady and breaks out a sad smile.

“Yeah, well, no. He– He’s straight” Jimin says, crestfallen.

“And you don’t like that, right? Because you like him” she affirms, raising an eyebrow.

“I– Well". Jimin feels sweat starting to pool on his forehead. "You see... We—. It’s a long story” the smaller sighs loudly lowering his head. The young woman only nods apologetically, noticing Jimin's sadness.

“Now I understand. But don’t worry. If you really love him, if it’s meant to be, it will be. Have that in mind” she says with a reassuring smile. “Thank you so much for the picture! Enjoy your meal! Bye!”. She waves off her hand at both boys and goes back to his seat.

“If it’s meant to be, it will be”, Jimin thinks while retreating to his seat, knowing for sure those words will play like a broken record in the back of his mind all night long.

“Quitting your job office to become a photographer now, Hyung?” the younger teases with a blinding smile, making Jimin long for death so bad because he wants to keep that smile forever. He wants it only for him, for every morning, for every sunset. He wants that glorious grin to wake him up and send him to bed every damn day.

“You say it would absolutely turn out better than what I’m currently doing? Hell yeah!”, they both laugh, again.

Damn! Laughing together is definitely their thing now, isn’t it?

“Okay, Jiminie. I think the moment has come” the younger warns him, laughter ceasing and faces getting drop-dead serious now.

“Oh right! You were going to tell me you only got a few months left…” the blond teases with an amused look.

“Hyung!! You want to see me dead that much?” Jeongguk whines, taking a hand to his chest feigning offense. Jimin snorts and rolls his eyes and then lock gazes with the boy who’s taking all his breath away by looking so fucking sexy and cute at the same time.

“Shut up, Kookie” Jimin says, biting down a smile.

"I would die too"

“Seriously speaking now, Jiminie. There’s something really important that I’m dying to tell you”. 

Jimin’s heartbeats start faltering and he can feel sweat pooling on his forehead.

“You told me that this morning. Can you please just get to the point and drop it? I’m getting all anxious here. Have mercy!”  the blond scolds him with a nervous smile. Jimin takes his time to observe the younger and he can tell on the spot that Jeongguk's awfully nervous. Jeongguk can’t stop tapping the floor with his foot while he plays with the little amount of liquid remaining in his glass. There’s this thing that Jeongguk does when he’s anxious and it's that he can't stop chewing his lower lip.

Jimin knows that there’s something big coming.

And here’s where the blond's tricky mind starts racing. Jimin doesn't want to get his hopes high but analyzing Jeongguk's behavior since a few days back, he does notice some things that indicate the taller might be onto something. 

Jimin thinks about the texts Jeongguk sent this morning and the fact that he's been saying he wants to tell him something important makes his sirens wail. The smaller also thinks about the younger's eagerness on taking him to a fancy restaurant when they are so used to crashing at Jimin's place and choke on dozens of pizza and beers or eat their favorite street food. 

What if all this is a preamble to a love confession?

Jimin’s breathing becomes erratic at seeing that Jeongguk grows more and more nervous. He feels like his heart is about to jump out of his chest ripping open his cheap dress shirt.

But he can’t be in love with Jimin, right? Because he never showed any sign.

Or did he? 

The smaller recalls all those times his best friend called him ‘cute’ or stared at him so lovingly. Even if he thinks harder Jeongguk got to do all those things this very night too. All those times when he said that Jimin is his favorite Hyung. Or when he’s the first one to stand up for him when someone’s bothering him just as he promised to do when he was little and too innocent.

Jimin is not sure of anything right now. He doesn’t know what Jeongguk’s going to tell him but his gut feeling senses something that will most probably make him burst into tears. Whether it’s a happy or sad thing. 

But the taller doesn’t seem sad. Oh, unless...

“Well, for starters, I haven’t even told my own family about what I’m going to tell you, Hyung. Jiminie, you know that I’ve been a reckless boy in terms of romantic aspects, right? I slept around a lot, I messed up several times...Let’s say I’m not precisely proud of my past self” the younger admits, scratching his nape.

“I never judged you, Kookie. Don’t do that yourself” gently asks the blond. 

“I know, I know. It’s just that- well- when the right person comes into your life, you wantonly get to reflect on the things you did wrong and you somewhat feel ashamed of yourself”

Jimin halts his moves, suddenly he's not hungry anymore.

“R-Right p-person?” a dumbfounded Jimin asks, blinking rapidly.

“Yes, right person. Fuck!—” the boy mumbles exasperatedly, not knowing what to do with his own hands that now are clammy with sweat. “This is so big, Hyung. I- I feel like I’m a beginner with all this love shit. I never fell in love before, you know?”, laughs nervously the younger while his eyes flicker looking everywhere but Jimin. The latter gulps and clears his throat.

The tension is unbearable. It’s all so quiet and serene around, almost like the calm before the storm. 

This is going to hurt.

“I brought you here to tell you this because your opinion is the only one I care about, Jiminie. I don’t give a shit about what my parents have to tell me, not even my brother. We shared the most important moments, Hyung. You and I went through many hardships, ups and downs, the better and the worst if you may, and so much more. It’s this feeling I have that I don’t recall having a life before meeting you, that makes me do crazy things like taking you to the most expensive restaurant in town and treat you how you deserve. Because you deserve heaven, Tiny”

“Tiny” Jimin mumbles with a teary laugh. “It’s been so long since you last called me that. I thought you had forgotten,” says the blond wiping the moisture below his eye.

“How can I? You were so tiny when I met you, hyung. So small, shy and cute. I can’t believe you agreed to be my friend that first time we met when I gave you back your Doraemon plushie” the younger laughs with shiny eyes.

Jimin only nods and ducks his head. He wants to think that Jeongguk’s about to confess his undying love for him and that they’re going to be the perfect couple, that they will grow old at their big house in the countryside with their three children, one girl, and two boys, running around the backyard playing with their dog and leaving a mess in the garden. That they will watch the scene with endearment in his eyes as they take a seat on the doorstep both with their fingers intertwined while Jeongguk pepper kisses him on the side of his head. That they will be the happiest family out there, happiness itself getting to be jealous of them. 

But he knows better. 

Right now Jimin hates knowing Jeongguk so well, so much. He hates having a sixth sense when it comes to his best friend. He hates not allowing himself to dream, to fantasize with the idea of Jeongguk loving him back, just as passionately and wildly as Jimin does...And always did.

He hates knowing the stupidly beautiful man before his eyes by heart.

“I want to be happy, Jiminie. I want to let myself be happy for once. I’m done being dumb and careless. It’s time to put my foot down” the younger finishes with a firm voice and decided look.

“Kookie, I love you, okay? I’ll be here no matter what. You’re my best friend in the fucking world, and you will always be. There’s no one better than you. There's nothing I want more than you being happy. Because that way I'm happy too” Jimin says without lifting his gaze from his hands which rest on the table, his voice faltering.

“I love you, too. And because I love you so much, I want to tell you this that I’m so happy about before anyone else. Life barely gives out chances, and it just granted me a huge one”

“K-kookie, stop beating around the bush and just-just tell me, please” Jimin pleads him, the last word almost whispering.

Please, stop, no, don’t say it.

“I’m seeing someone” the younger blurts out, eyes downcast and lip trapped between his teeth.

Jimin feels the air hitch in his throat as if a big fist has punched him right on his chest, knocking the oxygen out of his lungs. The smaller never thought this sensation could ever be real, feeling physically hurt when actually you aren’t. Jimin manages to blink rapidly with unshed tears and swallows roughly, the lump in his throat impossible to bear.

Have you ever felt like choking? That’s how Jimin is feeling right now. Suddenly the butterflies in his stomach turned into disgusting wasps.

Jimin tries really hard to not show Jeongguk how much those three words are affecting him right now, he prays the younger doesn’t see through him. But if Jeongguk knows the smaller as much as he knows him, then Jimin is utterly fucked. Because there’s no way his shiny and stinging eyes don’t give him away.

“O-oh, that’s — that’s great, Kookie” the boy stammers, still numb with his stomach churning painfully, feeling like throwing up. He crooks a broken smile that doesn’t reach his eyes which are fixed on his hands that rest on his lap.

“Yeah, I’m really happy Hyung, she’s —she’s amazing”, utters the taller, a little bit overwhelmed by the whole situation, he isn’t sure if it is because he’s talking about the person he likes so much or because he’s finally telling all these things to his precious Hyung.

A girl, of course.

The blond keeps his gaze hidden from Jungkook, being a coward enough to not meet the other’s yet.

“So-uhm-,“ Jimin clears his throat weakly, the pain getting more unbearable by the second. “How did you meet her?”

“I met her at uni- actually we share one class” J eongguk assures with a tiny half-smile. Jimin tries his best not to give in and finally set those piled up tears free, he wants to listen to Jungkook, he really does, even though he knows every passing second a part of his poor little heart falls off and right to the ground like a withered leaf. “Her name’s Kim Chae-Won, she’s majoring in architecture. She’s amazing Hyung, I really want you to meet her”.

Jimin nods slowly as he lifts his gaze and looks right into the younger’s eyes, he can see Jungkook doing the same and tilting his head a bit at the older’s redded and glistened eyes. The blond would lie if he said Jeongguk wasn’t a bit taken aback because of his demeanor, even more, when the taller is looking at him as if he did something wrong as if he had hurt him, and he is also sure that Jeongguk right now is wondering what could have he just said for Jimin to be like this.

“Hyung?” asks Jeongguk, almost fearing the answer, Jimin can’t exactly put a finger on what the taller’s expression means right now. 

Stupid Jimin, he thinks you’re disapproving of the girl, dumbass. Say something!

“Oh, Kookie,” the blond stutters, shaking his thoughts, “I-I’m really happy for you. You deserve it. And believe me that I-I’m telling you this from the bottom of my heart”, Jeongguk smiles tenderly and nods, sighing in relief.

“I know, Jiminie. That’s why I love you so much, because you’re always there for me, through thick and thin, in all these seventeen years you never left my side”, assures the taller, moisture showing in his eyes. “I- I really think she’s the one, Hyung. I- I think I may be in love with her? I don’t know, it’s just- all this is so new to me, all this feelings thingy- I want to give this a try and see where it takes us”, splutters Jeongguk while fidgeting with the breadsticks, breaking them and turning them into crumbs.

And the blond suddenly forgets how to breathe, the sting behind his eyes is excruciating to bear, he feels like a burning sensation and tries to flick it away. The shivers crawl down his spine and leave him trembling. Suddenly the voices around feel like white noise, he can’t hear anything, only the throbbing inside his head. Suddenly it is too fucking hard to swallow, the lump in his throat blocks the air. 

Suddenly it is too painful to be Jeongguk’s friend.

“T-that’s great, Kookie. It really is. Finding love and being requited, it’s a privilege. A miracle, indeed... and you found it. Hold onto that chance and don’t let it go, Jeonggukie,”  and Jimin swears he’s doing an inhuman effort not to release the sob he’s holding back.

I bet she’s beautiful. She’s everything I’m not and won’t ever be.

Jeongguk looks happy, content and loved... What more can he ask? If his best friend’s happiness depends on Jimin being heartbroken, there you go, he’ll sacrifice himself for that. Because Jeongguk deserves the whole world, and he found someone who can give it to him.

Jimin studies Jeongguk’s features as if trying to memorize them in case one day they’re taken away from him forever. And that day seems closer than it ever was because there’s her. And she’s so lucky, she got to break in the younger’s heart and steal it. She got to kiss those beautiful lips that Jimin fell in love with as well as the rest of his body. She got to be whispered sweet nothings in her ear by him, he got to feel Jeongguk’s warmth against her. She got to be trapped in his arms.

She got to be loved by Jeon Jeongguk.

And that makes her the most fortunate woman that has ever walked on Earth.

Jimin wishes he could be more like her. But he can’t.

Because she won.

“Jiminie, you zoomed out again” the younger laughs airily. Jimin not bearing it anymore tears his gaze away from Jeongguk and blinks the tears away. He can feel the taller’s piercing look boring holes on his forehead. He smiles sadly and takes his time once again to admire the garden all beautifully decorated. But Jimin doesn’t feel like taking a picture of it anymore. Suddenly, he’s jealous of everything around, including those stupid marigolds that lie there all perfect and unbothered doing nothing more than just existing. Or the men eating at a table right next to them laughing all happy with beaming smiles. He’s jealous of everyone because they are not having his heart broken like he’s doing right at this instant. He wants to turn back in time and refuse Jeongguk’s offer from this morning, where he didn’t know what was going to happen, where he ignored that rejecting the invite would be the wisest decision to make.

But who is he kidding? Jimin would eventually find out about this. Jeongguk would tell him one way or another.

There was no escape either way.

God, why does this burn so much?

“Hey, Hyung, you’re worrying me. What’s going on?” the younger asks, halting his moves noticing that Jimin is obviously not okay. Jimin manages to shake his head faintly and pull a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, more like gives him away once and for all.

“N-nothing, r-really. I’m processing everything you know. I- I just c-can’t believe my best friend is finally settling down,” shamelessly lies the older with a runny nose. Jeongguk looks at him unconvinced and still concerned. 

“Are you sure?” the younger inquires with an intent voice. The blond only nods and hangs his head, fearing an impending burst of tears.

“Yes, Kookie. I really mean it. I’m r-really happy for you,” the older assures, squeezing his eyes shut and finally letting the hasty and hot tears roll down his rosy cheeks. 

“Tiny, I knew you loved me but never thought this much” Jeongguk breathes with his lips upwards, expecting a chuckle from his hyung but getting none. 

Because Jimin is dead serious now, water fully streaming down his eyes. Jeongguk’s smile falters and he frowns, sick worried by now. The blond is silent, eyes downcast fixed on his long-forgotten glass of champagne.

“Jim-”.

“Mummy, mummy! He’s getting on one knee! Look!” a little girl excitedly shouts while tugging her mother's sleeve, the lady follows suit and gasps at the scene.

“Honey, look over there!” the woman calls apparently her husband who is too busy munching his delectable steak. 

Suddenly, the entire room roars out in loud gasps and starts chanting ‘say yes’, some of them taking a video of the moment. Jimin jerks his head up somewhat disoriented not knowing what’s happening and follows everyone's gazes which lie right behind Jeongguk, forcing the latter to turn his head and inspect what’s going on as well.

The lady who asked Jimin to take a picture with her boyfriend is now crying like a baby with her hand covering her mouth as the man is knelt down on the floor holding out a velvet little box with a glittering ring inside of it.

Jimin’s numb, he can’t move, he can’t do anything but breathe. The scene before his eyes all of the sudden feels cruelly ironic, utterly destructive. If he had remaining pieces of his shattered heart, they are all gone now. 

Is this the way life has to rub on his face what Jimin will never have?

The older’s mind starts spinning, imagining scenarios where Jeongguk is proposing to his soon-to-be girlfriend. Because that woman can be her someday, and that man proposing can be Jeongguk, and that ring can be the thing that gets to separate him from his best friend forever. 

But I already lost him anyway.

And he thinks about how their wedding day would be, the decoration toned in different shades of white, maybe blended with blue, Jeongguk’s favorite color. The party taking place on the beach because the taller once told Jimin in one of their sleepovers, (after having killed a handful of bottles of Soju) that he would like to get married in Busan, his hometown. And the younger would look as perfect and breathtakingly handsome as ever, as in love with her as he will never be with Jimin. And she would look at him with those gleamy eyes and winning smile because she'd be certain of having won the lottery. Because that’s what being with Jeongguk would feel like. An invaluable treasure.

Jeongguk remains as confused as Jimin, with people jumping on their feet and shouting things in his ear that the taller can’t make anything out of. His gaze is focused solely on a crestfallen Jimin who looks so dead inside, and it’s excruciating not knowing what to do, a cacophony bouncing off through the dining room making everything worse.

And the nightmare comes to life, and everything hurts too much, the walls seem to start closing in. Jimin feels cold running through his veins, while everything turns blurry. Then he realizes it's his own tears that do not let him see.

"Hyung what's wrong?" the raven-haired boy demands to know, asks him with a shaky voice and swallowing harshly.

And everything is too much, Jimin can no longer feel anything. Is that normal? Hurting so bad that you can't feel anything at all?

And the young woman who is being proposed shouts a "yes", and everyone breaks into applause. Then her now fiance lifts her up and spins them around, both crying with joy.

While Jimin cries with sadness, with pain, with agony, while Jimin feels how life escapes his body because today someone was ripped off from him, mercilessly.

All the smaller sees are faces so disgustingly happy.

Why am I the only one who’s fighting for air? Why am I the only one who feels like dying?

Jimin's world split in half disarming all his feelings and setting them on fire until becoming dust. From one minute to the other, loving Jeongguk is no longer something that belongs to his heart, it doesn't belong anywhere. Suddenly, the universe is not a universe anymore, just a vast black space full of vacant planets and dead shooting stars that Jimin can no longer make wishes upon. He finally knows that truth Jeongguk has been wanting to reveal so badly. And the young man is now trying to straighten those crumpled memories of them together that force him to not want to forget. He aches and wants to erase it all, but little Jimin and Jeongguk do not deserve to be left at the bottom of oblivion.

If Jimin doesn’t run away from there anytime soon, he won’t make it out alive. The air feels so toxic, so polluted. So that’s what makes the older get up from his seat and start making his way towards the doors.

“Jimin, hey, where are you going? Jimin!” the younger calls him, his desperate shouting vibrating in his throat. The blond turns on his heels and looks at his best friend apologetically.

“I’m sorry, K-kookie, it’s Taehyung. He-he has an emergency, he n-needs me” Jimin stammers with a trembling voice but before Jeongguk can say anything, he turns back around and storms off the place running. 

The taller is left there, with his mouth agape and shoulders falling limp.

“Jimin”, he breathes, while everybody around seems to be having the time of their lives because of the free champagne offered by the house in honor of the recently engaged couple. He’s shoved aside, pushed around, even some kids step on his overpriced shoes, but he doesn’t react, he’s unfazed. He doesn’t take his eyes off the retreating silhouette of his Hyung.

Jimin strides to the entrance, sight blurry and surrounding voices feeling like white noise, he only plays back the younger’s voice inside his head, having sudden flashbacks of happy moments when he still had Jeongguk, he hears his sweet and contagious laughter, he thinks about his dreamy smile.

Why are you crying?

Hey Jimin, do you want to be my friend?

I like your cheeks, they’re cute. Just like you

We’re gonna be the best team ever!

That’s why I love you so much, because you’re always there for me, through thick and thin, in all these seventeen years you never left my side

You were so tiny when I met you, Hyung, so small, all shy and cute

I love you Hyung, you know that, right?

Immersed in the memories, he doesn’t even notice when the doorman stops him dead on his tracks blocking the way.

“Young man, we’ll call a cab for you. Don’t go outside, it’s raining cats and dogs” the man warns with a firm tone. Jimin still insists and grabs the knob by himself and pulls in not registering any of the words said to him. “Sir, wait! Take an umbrella”.

The older stands there and sucks some air, feeling finally free. But it’s not until Jimin feels completely cold and soaking wet that he realizes the raging storm happening outside the restaurant. Skies dark, thunder and lighting, and the bitter wind blowing everything away. The cruel weather making his way back home almost an impossible task. 

Jimin starts walking, more like staggering, not knowing what to do or where to go. He just wants to get away from there as soon as possible, before it’s too late. Before he’s broken beyond repair. The smaller feels so alone, so ignored, so neglected. He gets to hide in a dead-end street just around the corner of the restaurant. He feels trapped among his own insecurities and fears, he feels so disheartened that he finally releases the sobs he’s been holding in and falls on his knees fully crying. Jimin screams into the night as he painfully hits his head with one of his fists.

Game over, Jimin

Jeongguk pushes the doors frantically and steps outside, looking around desperately trying to catch a glimpse of Jimin in the middle of the heavy storm.

“JIMIN!” the younger shouts, panic laced in his raspy voice. “JIMIN, PLEASE!,” the taller endeavors but to no avail. Not a few seconds pass until the young man is completely soaked, drops falling from his strands of hair, he’s panting, breathing puffs of air.

“Jimin?”, whispers the boy, strength abandoning his body. He snatches his phone from his back pocket and calls the older several times but Jimin never picks up.

“FUCK!” the younger groans into the night.

“Sir, did you see a blond and short boy walk out of here?”, asks the doorman Jeongguk with a shaky breath as soon as he rushes back into the restaurant. The man nods eagerly and points to the left indicating that Jimin went that way.

“He left running! He was in a hurry apparently. I tried to give him my umbrella but he didn’t even register me”.

                                             ⍣

Jimin’s vacant stare remains stuck into the nothingness, he doesn’t feel cold anymore, because he can’t feel anything at all.

Is this how being dead feels like?

Not being in control of his moves, the older sticks his trembling and dripping wet hand inside his blazer inner pocket and fishes for his phone. He doesn't even know what he is doing or who's number he just dialed, but the next thing he knows is that Taehyung’s voice is heard on the other side of the line.

“Jimin? Hey, babe, my soulmate, my favourite roommate, how's your date go-, starts his younger with a baby voice but interrupting himself mid-sentence. “Jimin? Jimin are you there? Hello?”, the younger only hears a sniffing sound.

“T-tae” the older wheezes between sobs not being able to utter anything else.

“Jimin, what the fuck, what’s going on? Are you crying? What happened?,” an exasperated Taehyung yells, stirring on the sofa, judging by the background sound.

“I-I’m outside. I- j-just left the restaur- restaurant”.

“What? But it’s raining like crazy, Jimin! What are you doing outside? You’re gonna catch a cold, Min! Where the fuck is Jeongguk? Are you with him?”

“N-no, he-he’s inside. I had to get out of there Tae, I just-” the blond pauses, trying to take a deep breath, forcing himself not to sob again. “I- want to go home Taehyung, please”, whispers the blond with a shaky voice.

“Oh baby! I’m coming to get you! I’m with Yoongi, he’ll drive me there, send me the location, okay? Take deep breaths. I’ll be there in a heartbeat. I love you”

“I-I love you t-too” Jimin whimpers with eyes pressed close, tightening the grip on his phone. 

“Jiminie, I need you to focus on my voice okay?”. The smaller nods as if Tae could see him right now. “Jimin?”

“Y-yes”

“Babe, don’t move from where you are, alright? Promise me you’ll stay there, please” the younger pleads, the sound of keys rattling and door closing being heard in the background.

“I-I p-promise” Jimin stammers between silent sobs.

“Good, we’re coming for you Minnie” Jimin hangs up with his trembling hand. He squints around, trying to catch a glimpse of where he is and makes a great effort to send Taehyung his location. Jimin puts his phone back inside his pocket and leans against the wall with his head hung.

Please, Tae, hurry up.

                                        ⍣                                                                                                           

Yoongi is in the driver’s seat looking out the window trying to spot the two boys in the midst of the wild storm, the squeaky windshields making it hard to see properly. Seconds later, Taehyung comes into view hugging a sobbing Jimin by his shoulders, and dragging him to the car, both soaking wet as if they had taken a dip in the pool.

“What happened?” Yoongi asks confused and worried.

“Your fucking little brother that’s what happened” Taehyung scoffs while opening the back seat door and getting Jimin inside to then hop himself on, sliding right next to the smaller. “Jeongguk’s been buzzing my phone frantically since we left the apartment but I didn’t answer him”.

“But what did he do now?” the older demands to know, turning on his seat and furrowing his brows at his boyfriend. Jimin nuzzles his face against the brunette’s neck, still sobbing with his shoulders shaking, Taehyung hugging him tightly.

“Like I would know! Jimin hasn’t told me anything, he can’t stop crying” Taehyung says a little bit ill-at-ease, Jimin’s hiccupping and nonstop sobbing resonating inside the car.

“Wait, are you mad at me?”, squeaks Yoongi. “Babe, I didn’t do anything. I can’t take responsibility for what Jungkook does or says” tells the older with a calm voice. His boyfriend’s look softens and nods faintly, averting his gaze outside, as rain trickles down the car window.

“I’m sorry baby, it’s not with you, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just that I hate seeing Jiminie cry. And it’s always because of Jungkook. I know he didn’t do anything bad either but this shit keeps going on and on and on and I’m just tired of having him like this all the damn time” the taller admits looking down at Jimin to then rest his cheek on top of his head.

“P-please guys, I just want to go home” the blond pleads with a hoarse voice barely audible because of the screaming and crying. Yoongi doesn’t need to be told twice, he turns on the car and drives off at full speed.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

                                          ⍣

“Jimin, wait, let’s talk, I-”, Jimin doesn’t let him finish because he loudly slams the door to his bedroom and locks himself in. Taehyung curses underneath his breath and sits on the couch, grabbing his head with both hands ruffling his hair furiously. His boyfriend joins him and nuzzles right at his side, tugging him by the waist.

“Babe, let him vent and scream and shout. He needs it. Give him some time to gather his thoughts and feelings” Yoongi mumbles against the taller’s temple, leaving butterfly kisses there. Taehyung nods in response and pulls a sad smile looking over his lover pecking him on the lips.

“I know honey, it’s just that it kills me seeing him cry. Out of all the times I’ve seen him like this, this is the worst one” the younger sighs.

“He’ll be alright, you’ll see. Just bear in mind that there are no culprits here, none of them is guilty of feeling the way they feel. Neither of them did anything wrong,” Yoongi assures with a soothing tone.

Jimin slowly slides down against his bedroom door until he hits the floor. He rests his head on the wooden surface as his gaze remains stuck on the wall across him. He knew that love hurts but never imagined it would hurt like this. As if thousands of bricks fell upon him. Like someone slid his chest open and ripped his heart out. Jungkook, the same doe-eyed little boy who didn’t like talking and swore he would kill for Jimin, was the one who was tearing him down. That same boy who would keep him apart from all the sharp knives menacing to hurt him, he is now being one. And the sharpest. Jimin gave Jungkook his heart to take care of, and now he’s the one who’s shredding it to pieces.

The blond crawls towards his bed and crunches down, stretching his arm beneath it groping for something. He finally finds what he was searching for and drags out a small old box. Jimin sits on his knees and takes the sweet time to open it.

And there it is. A piece of a treasured memory. Jimin smiles through his tears and takes a tiny can tab shaped into a ring that Jungkook had given him when he was nine, the one which carries all his memories with the younger, the one that ignited their friendship. Golden ages that Jimin now can only recall and reflect on because they’re way gone.

“I’m scared, Jungkookie. You’ll be gone for weeks and I’ll be here all alone and the bad boys will bother me again”. Jeongguk shoved his hand inside his back pocket but took out nothing. Then, he looked right at the empty can of soda he had drunk some minutes ago and grabbed it, ripping the tab off.

“You know what this is?" Jimin rolled his eyes and laughed.

“Okay Kookie, you don’t need to be a genius to tell that that's a can tab”.

“It may look like a simple tab yeah, BUT! This will remind you of me when I’m not around”  he assured, taking Jimin’s baby hand in his putting the newmade ring on his ring finger. “When you look at this, you will know that no one in this world will hurt you, Jiminie. Not as long as I’m alive”.

And the bad kids tried to hassle him later on taking advantage of Jeongguk's absence, but it’d only take a glance at the little metal piece on his finger to be assured of the love of his friend towards him, and that from now on it was Jimin and Jeongguk against the world.

The smaller bursts out crying once again. He wails like the little boy who was robbed his Doraemon plushie. Only this time there is no hero. There is no Jungkook who can help him. Now his heart has been ripped apart from him by the one who was supposed to protect him forever. 

He feels like that little Jimin with his big glasses and chubby baby cheeks, scared of this world because his favorite toy had been taken away from him, he feels helpless and so lonely as he did back then. 

But now’s worse. 

Now’s the darkest reality because he has no Jeongguk who can rescue him, no Jeongguk shoving his pain away like he did with that bad kid, giving him back something he lost.

It almost feels like Jeongguk's figure retreats and walks away until it becomes a blurry image that finally vanishes in thin air. Because there’s no more Jeongguk in this story. Because now it’s only Jimin feeling like he’s seven years old all over, crying his eyes out and sobbing with his knees up against his chest because he was too innocent to trust in those bad boys.

And Jimin is still too innocent to trust his heart to Jeongguk who wasn’t careful enough and without even knowing he let it hit the ground.

This is the darkest reality. And the most paralyzing fear that comes crawling like some ugly monster, is that no light will be enough to end this dark hole Jimin’s in. He lost Jeongguk to someone else. Someone perhaps better than him. Someone who can give him the world.

Someone that is not him. And never will be. And that hurts so fucking much!

Jimin sloppily wipes his tears with the back of his hand and puts the can-tab ring back inside the box, and  grabs his dear personal diary next. He caresses the cover and right after he opens it, he starts writing because that's his only anchor in the midst of this storm.

He sees now how loving his best friend all this time has been a loaded gun inside his hand waiting to be pulled.

And he shot.

And now nothing’s going to be the same ever again.

August, 20th

                       I miss someone. I miss him so, so much. But I don’t miss him because he’s gone somewhere far away. No. I miss him because I know he will never be mine and I will never be his.

It hurts too much missing someone that is right there next to you, palpable and real yet so distant and unreachable. It almost feels like life is trying to show you how your future would have been if things were different. But they are not. And this is your future just not with him in it.

You look back to long gone days and realize that back then you were happier than today, because yes, falling in love and being the only one doing it, more like an irony feels like pure cruelty, and you wish you could wipe it all off.

You save your heart from heartbreaks because that’s the safest way to go, but sometimes the safest way is not the right way. The right way may be risking it all and giving your soul in exchange for nothing but getting to feel something for once. And well, maybe, after all, love is worth it.

May it come once, or twice, or three times in life, and although it breaks you whether it goes right or wrong, it’s such a good thing to know that you got to love someone. Because it made you real, woke up your senses, and turned you wiser and stronger.

So I’ll keep missing him like he’s gone even when he’s close to me. 

But it won’t be for too long.

My heart will learn how to love someone new, and that someone won’t be the person I’ve been missing all this time.

                 That someone won’t be you, Jeon Jeongguk.