Archive of Our Own ^beta

“You're going through so much
But I know that I could be the one to hold you.”
– Skillet, Yours to Hold

For Hoseok the current view isn’t something new, which is actually sad. He entered the main dance hall of their dance studio late today to teach another class just to find his Jimin on the floor again, his breath going way too hard and his whole body covered in sweat. Jimin always used to distract himself from any pain by dancing, even though they had this discussion more than enough.

“You are working too hard, you should take a break,” Hoseok remarks, his eyes worried when he looks at the younger who didn’t move a muscle yet. Jimin only groans, his arms stretched over his head, exposing his toned stomach and showing the quick movements of his chest from all the hard training. 

“I can’t,” Jimin answers lowly, his voice nothing more than a whisper and Hoseok knows without any further questions what this is all about. “I need to distract myself.”

“Dancing until you can’t even properly breathe anymore isn’t a healthy way to cope with your problems, you know? Didn’t we agree that you rather go to the library than dance until exhaustion? I don’t want to call an ambulance again. Why are you here again?”

Yeah. Jimin knows that. But dancing has always been Jimin’s way to escape reality, to let go and keep his head distracted from whatever hangs heavy on his mind. Dancing is freedom, peace, being carefree. He loves reading as well, yes, but after a kind of unpleasant incident with the librarian he couldn’t gather the courage to visit the library again. The shame still sitting deep in his bones. So the only way to keep his mind distracted was dancing.

“It was one time and I forgot to eat something before, I promised you it won’t happen again.” Well, at least Jimin hopes so. He can barely hold himself back when the music starts and he lets it overtake his whole body. Most of the time Jimin doesn’t even realize how exhausted he is already.

It’s sad, but Jimin has to admit that it’s always been like that; Jimin gets to know someone, falls head over heels just to get hurt in the end. And then he dances the pain away. Until the story repeats itself. Well, okay, after the one time he passed out Hoseok told him if he ever sees him again like that he will kick him out of the studio for weeks and that was something Jimin really didn't want to happen. Nearly two years ago a new library opened not far from their studio and Hoseok took Jimin to the grand opening, the two of them making a promise right there that Jimin will come here instead of dancing until he passes out. And that’s what Jimin did for the past months. Whenever he felt sad or the pain became too much he went to the library to read his favorite books. 

Well, now he was here instead, sue him.

Jimin had always believed in true love, had been lost in the world of novels and any romantic story, had imagined himself finding a love like all the characters in the books he loves so much. Life reminded Jimin more than enough that love hurts, that giving yourself to someone makes you vulnerable but he never feared that. Someday it would be worth it, right? Maybe Jimin had to kiss a lot of frogs until he finds his prince, maybe he has to fall to find the hand that finally helps him up. He doesn’t need to understand fate, but he accepts it since there is nothing else he can do.

All those nights he spent at home, in his bed, crying, doesn’t really makes sense to Jimin, absolutely not. All those nights he cried over another man that reminded him again why people are right when they say love hurts, but he accepts it. No matter what happened, Jimin couldn’t stop believing in true love and his heart seems to never stop looking for the right one, for the Mr. Darcy to his Elizabeth, the Jack to his Rose, the Narcissus to his Goldmund. It doesn’t hurt less after all those times, though, but meanwhile Jimin somehow grew used to the pain and accepts the upcoming pain of another person leaving him like someone else would accept failing a test.

It be like that sometimes.

“Why always me, hyung?” Jimin suddenly says, his gaze locked with the white ceiling of the dance studio. He didn’t tell Hoseok yet what had happened last week and he isn’t sure if he even can, because what his new ex boyfriend did to him was something that not even Jimin could easily brush off like that. “Why do I always meet someone who doesn’t want me the way I want them?”

Hoseok stays quiet for a while, thinking about the right words. Hoseok knows all the stories about Jimin and the people he had dated in the many years of their friendship. He knows the pain Jimin went through and the nights he apparently spent crying again while he came to work with red and puffy eyes, telling Hoseok that everything was fine. The older isn’t sure whether Jimin was brave for giving love a chance again and again or just stupid for getting hurt all the time and trusting the wrong people. But who knows if a love is real if they don’t give it a chance? Maybe true love is the bravest thing in this life.

“You didn’t find the right one yet, Jiminie, but maybe you should stop trying so hard. Stop using those stupid Dating Apps or going to parties with the intention of finding your love there and just be by yourself for a while, what about that? You won’t find love if you keep searching for it all the time. Love will find you when you least expect it and it will be great,” Hoseok whispers while sitting down next to Jimin. The younger turns his head towards him and his eyes are shining, a sign that he is close to tears again. “What about taking a shower and then we head home to yours? We can watch your favorite movie and eat some ice cream.”

“If we ate ice cream all the time I cry about another man I’d weigh a ton by now,” Jimin chuckles and then gets up to his feet, helping Hoseok up as well. There’s a smile on Jimin’s face now that doesn’t feel right, that doesn’t seem real, but Hoseok knows it’s his way of accepting that he wasted weeks of dating someone again who wasn’t worth it. “Thanks for the offer, but I’ll visit the library instead. They are still open for another one and a half hours.”

There’s nothing else that Jimin can do besides dancing until his muscles hurt instead of his heart, and getting lost in stories of people who find the love he wants so bad as well.

“Aren’t you tired because of all the dancing? You should go home and get some rest,” Hoseok says full of worry. Who could blame him? After seeing his best friend hurt so many times and even breaking down at one point Hoseok felt like it was his fault and he didn’t protect Jimin the way he needed to be protected. “At least tell me what happened this time before you leave, I’m your best friend and I want to help you,” Hoseok nearly pleads while following Jimin out of the dance hall to their locker rooms. He hears Jimin sigh when he sits down on one of the wooden banks, his back against the cold lockers.

They don’t even know anymore how often they ended up here, alone in the locker rooms, Jimin’s head hanging low and his mind searching for the right words to tell his friend how another man betrayed him, hurt him, broke him. How stupid Jimin was again for trusting someone again just get disappointed in the end. But no matter how often they do this, Hoseok will never get used to the small sobs that begin to escapes Jimin’s throat at some time.

The stories Jimin tells Hoseok whenever he asks him about what happened are heartbreaking every time. Hoseok really has no idea why all the pain and the worst possible things always happen to his Jimin, but that’s something none of them can ever answer. He can only be there for his friend, listen to him and tell him that it will be fine. Will it be fine, though? Hoseok doesn’t know, but he can just hope that one day there will be a person in Jimin’s life that doesn’t make them end up here again, Jimin leaning against one of the lockers, his head hanging low and his body shaking due to the anger and sadness, but mostly because of his own stupidity.

Normally Jimin hates it, he hates that Hoseok always wants to be there for him and help him, because no, he can’t help him. It’s Jimin’s decision to run himself into dating someone new again and again, even when he knows the outcome already. None of this was Hoseok’s concern and that’s why Jimin mostly ends up home alone, crying by himself because he doesn’t want to be a burden. But his friend knows him pretty well and knows Jimin’s way of coping with problems, so Hoseok someday stopped trying so hard and just let Jimin be. The only thing he wants is Jimin to at least tell him what happened. Hoseok once said talking about it eases the pain. Jimin isn’t sure about that, though.

“Do you remember the guy I told you about, the one who just dated me to get free dancing lessons at our studio?”, Jimin sighs again and Hoseok’s heart tightens at the memory. Of course he remembers and the thought of this damn guy still makes Hoseok mad. Back then Jimin seemed very happy to have someone by his side who also shared his passion for dance. Jimin took him to their dance studio all the time, let him join their lessons whenever he wanted to. He brought Jimin flowers and invited him to beautiful dinner dates. This time they both thought he could finally be the one Jimin was looking for all the time. When it turned out that this guy used Jimin to only get free dance lessons and to train with Hoseok, who trains with upcoming idols, it broke Jimin once again. All those past months had been a lie, he gave himself to another person, always hoping that it would pay off in the end and grant him the great love he was searching for. 

The second Hoseok found out he kicked the guy out of the dance studio and if it wasn’t for Jimin to hold him back he isn’t sure what else could’ve happened. Hoseok is sure the guy wouldn’t be able to become an idol after he was done with him and his disgusting face. 

Being used, having your feelings played with so easily was something Jimin couldn’t grasp back then, but he had to. He fell, got hurt and got up again. Like he always does. Maybe he wasn’t even surprised anymore, because there were guys before the wannabe idol guy that hurt him as well. Many guys, in many different ways. Maybe he deserved it, Jimin doesn’t know.

What Jimin didn’t even notice is that with every heartbreak he lost more and more of his trust, but the desire to finally find someone grew even more inside of him. Dating random people and keeping people close at all costs became like a dangerous habit, a painful routine that Jimin went through again and again because he didn’t know how to handle the pain of losing someone. It was hard to explain where this behavior came from since Jimin’s first heartbreak wasn’t even caused by a man or by someone he was in a relationship with, but by his best friend back then. Their friendship breaking apart so easily caused the weird fear of never being good enough again, so he tried to cope the loneliness with random relationships that were never meant to be real or last long. All of this became a vicious circle of trying to escape the pain by creating even more pain.

The night Hoseok kicked the guy out of the dance studio Jimin immediately fled to the library, not even giving Hoseok a chance to talk to him. Not even twenty minutes later Jimin found himself in his favorite spot on the windowsill, his favorite book in his hands and soaking up the words of Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice” like he always does whenever he suffers from another heartbreak. By now Jimin knows this book by heart, which is pretty much sad all things considered. He spent the whole evening there until the young librarian told him it was time to leave. The both men shared a few steps of their way back home like they mostly do whenever Jimin visits the library, not exchanging a single word until they had to part ways at a crossroad, Jimin only whispering a low goodbye .

The next day Jimin arrived at the dance studio again and seemed exhausted, but he smiled. He always smiled at Hoseok as if nothing had happened and told him it was fine, that it was just fate testing him again and making him stronger. The older could only nod at that, an unwell feeling spreading through his whole body.

Jimin had always been like that, whenever he fell to his knees he scratched them open, but got up right afterwards and began run again even though it hurt.

Maybe that was the problem, because when you start running with injured legs they can never fully heal.

“Well, I thought  he was an asshole, but turns out things can always become worse.”

“What?”, Hoseok asks surprised, not believing that there could be someone more heartless than this dude. Well, he also thought that after this other guy dated Jimin for three weeks and then changed his number without a single word and left Jimin behind without any explanation. Or after another guy he dated for two months forbid him to go out, told him how to dress and stalked his phone every evening. There have been a lot of weird men by Jimin’s side, a lot who broke him and every time Hoseok thought it couldn’t become any worse. Turns out he was wrong.

“I told you about San, right? The one I met at Mingi’s party at the Octagon?”, Jimin whispers, his voice husky. Hoseok only hums in agreement, his eyes never leaving Jimin who’s sitting across from him. Jimin normally deals with all this pain alone and only tells Hoseok about it via text message. There was only this one time when he had to tell Hoseok in person since Hoseok was at the dance studio as well when the whole thing with his ex came out. And well, today, since Jimin decided to dance his pain away and forgot that Hoseok teaches another lesson in the late evening.

It was weird for Hoseok to see his best friend like that now, close to tears and his fists clenched. He knows it was Jimin’s way to cope with those things, alone, but Hoseok wishes he could be there for him. Jimin let all those random people into his life, but keeps his best friend at distance.

“Turned out that he used to be in a relationship with Solar before we started dating.”

Wait.

Now that was something Hoseok didn’t expect at all. Solar had been Jimin’s best friend since High School, they were glued to each other until one day they had a fight about nonsense, but somehow their friendship never recovered from it. Solar started spreading lies about Jimin in college and all the things he apparently did to her and college has never been the same again after this. Jimin has never been the same after this. The whole drama happened three years ago and Jimin never talked about Solar or college or anything related to that again, so it took Hoseok by surprise to hear her name again.

“You want to tell me that San, the guy you dated for the past three months, has been in a relationship with your ex best friend before? If he was in a relationship with her I’m sure he knows about you, so why would he even approach you? What the hell is wrong with this guy? Does Solar know about this?”

“She knows, hyung,” Jimin laughs sadly and Hoseok furrows his eyebrows in concern. “It was her idea. She told him to approach me, make me believe that he was really into me to break up with me when I fall for him. It was her revenge on me and it worked. I didn’t know the two even know each other, I had no idea all of this was fake. It felt so real, the way he looked at me, the way he touched me. But all of this was just their plan to break me, can you believe that? After all those years? I didn’t hear a single word from her and then this?  And I really believed every word he said and I was so stupid for not–”

“Stop, no,” Hoseok interrupts Jimin’s rambling and moves a little forward to look at Jimin’s face. “Don’t. Don’t make yourself the bad one here. You did nothing wrong, you didn’t know it was all fake and you couldn’t stop feeling whatever you were feeling. What they did is fucked up, it really is and I’m so sorry, Jimin. I don’t even know what to say.” Hoseok is really lost for words this time. He heard a lot fucked up stories, the bullshit people did to Jimin, they way they left him or treated him wrong, but this? This was too much, even for Jimin who normally cries by himself and is back to his happy and bubbly self the next day. Hoseok feels that this time things will be different. Maybe this time someone broke Jimin, his trust and his believe in real love forever.

“What did I ever do to the universe to deserve this? What is wrong with me? Am I not enough? Can people not love me?” Jimin begins to fully cry now, the tears streaming down his face and Hoseok sees it in his eyes that he is about to panic. “W-What is wrong with loving me?”

“Shh, hey, look at me,” Hoseok immediately says and moves forward into Jimin’s personal space to put his hands on Jimin’s cheeks, wiping the tears away and caressing his wet skin. Jimin’s red eyes look up to him and then Jimin lifts his own hand to grab Hoseok’s wrists, trying to hold onto something. “None of this is your fault. Not with San, not with any other guy before him. You don’t deserve any of this and you are lovable, trust me. Everything about you is perfect, you’re kind and hardworking, you’re loyal, you’re always there when someone needs you and you’re absolutely breathtaking in general. It’s their fault for letting you go when they could have the best boyfriend in the world,” Hoseok smiles even though he could cry as well when he sees Jimin like that. It’s even harder when Hoseok thinks about all the times Jimin cries alone, when no one is there to hold him.

“Maybe I really should stop. Maybe I’m not meant to fall in love and should’ve stopped long ago searching for it. All it brought me was pain,” Jimin sobs and closes his eyes since he can’t stand Hoseok’s pitiful gaze. Jimin feels sorry for putting all his emotional weight on Hoseok as well, that’s why he rather cries alone at home and deals with his problems all by himself. Why should he make his best friend worry about him as well when it’s Jimin’s own fault for getting in situations like that all the time? Hoseok doesn’t deserve this. There is nothing they can do about all the fucked up relationships and so he really should stop pulling Hoseok into his mess all the time. If Jimin finally stops looking for love or believing in love at all, nothing like that will happen ever again.

“There’s love for everyone out there and for you as well. Sometimes love goes weird ways, but in the end it will be worth it and you’ll find someone who makes you forget about all the fucked up dudes before,” Hoseok says softly and keeps caressing Jimin’s cheeks. 

There’s silence for a while until Jimin moves his head to the side so he can slip out of Hoseok’s hold. The pain of being used and played with settles deep into Jimin’s heart and his mind and this time he isn’t sure if he can overcome the sadness so easily. After saying all of this out loud and openly talk to Hoseok it feels like someone stabbed Jimin with a knife and Jimin’s trust has been broken down forever this time. Talking about what happened and realizing what someone actually did to him for fun was hard to accept. It was something else than making excuses all alone at home, trying to find the mistake by yourself. Blaming yourself for all the pain again.

Jimin doesn’t even feel like going to the library anymore to read his favorite book. The story of wanting someone, of push and pull, of losing each other just to finally find the way back together in the end. Maybe such an ending wasn’t meant for Jimin and he was too lost in stories with an happy ending to accept the bitter truth. What if Jimin is living in a story with a bad ending? What if Jimin is the villain in his own story and deserves the pain?

“Destiny is a lousy traitor. Why do people write books about people falling in love when it’s all just fiction. All those stories make you believe that there is true love out there and then you hurt yourself by believing it,” Jimin sighs and leans his head back against the blue lockers, his blonde hair revealing his whole face and his wet eyes. “I won’t believe in true love from now on. I always thought there is someone out there for me, but I keep running and running with no actual destination.”

Hoseok sighs at those words, because he somehow knew he’d hear them today. After all the hardships, all the pain and Jimin falling again and again he finally reached the point where he wasn’t able to stand up anymore. Hoseok wishes he could take the pain away from Jimin, but in the end everyone has to deal with their problems alone. There is only so much a friend can do and maybe it’s the best for Jimin to not chase love anymore, but learn to be by himself for a while.

“People write about a love they never experienced themselves, but wish for it to come true. They build a universe for people like you, to make you not lose hope. And I know you’ll go the the library again soon. Work out whatever happened between you and the librarian and lose yourself into another novel again, like you always do. Love isn’t something bad, Jiminie, love can be beautiful and you shouldn’t lose your faith at all,” the red haired man says with a faint smile on his lips. Not searching for love doesn’t mean to not believe in it at all. “But the next time you get to know someone new you better introduce me to him first. From now on you need my okay to date someone, deal?” Hoseok grins and ruffles through Jimin’s hair which makes the younger squeak.

“Stop! My hair!” 

“Come on, say it!”, Hoseok keeps ruffling Jimin’s hair before he reaches down to tickle him which makes Jimin squirm in his hold. Jimin laughs out loud, trying to get Hoseok to stop tickling him until he finally agrees, telling Hoseok that they have a deal.

“Okay, okay! Now stop!”, Jimin laughs out loud and Hoseok finally lets go of him. They look at each other completely out of breath and just begin to laugh again. Jimin falls forward from giggling so hard, his forehead falling against Hoseok’s shoulder. They stay like that for a while before they sit down on the benches, talk about dance, which food to get tomorrow for lunch and some new dance classes they could teach in the future. 

In the end Hoseok always knows how to make him smile and Jimin enjoys his presence, even though he knows he shouldn’t put all his pain on his friend and make him waste his evening like that. Jimin couldn’t be more grateful for a friend like him and when he sits here with Hoseok he doesn’t even feel so alone anymore.

Hoseok cancelled his class tonight long ago, the urgent need to be there for his friend way stronger than another dance class. The night passes by like that, both boys sitting on the hard benches in their locker room, some calm music playing from Hoseok’s phone and just like that tiredness slowly overcomes Jimin. 

“And then we–” Hoseok stops mid-sentence when he realizes Jimin fell asleep, the younger meanwhile sitting next to him, his head against Hoseok’s shoulder. With a faint smile he brushes Jimin’s bangs out of his face and looks at him for a few more seconds before he slowly moves, trying to get up without waking the younger. They have been friends for about eight years now, know each other better than themselves and have been through all possible ups and downs together. Jimin has never been the one to talk about his feelings much, but Hoseok learned how to deal with him anyway and be a good friend by his side no matter how much Jimin wants to share about himself.

Hoseok grabs his and Jimin’s bag to throw them over his shoulder before he carefully lifts Jimin up and carries him bridal style out of the dance studio towards his home. The cold air hits Hoseok’s face and turns his whole face red, just like Jimin’s. A frosty breeze hits them both and Jimin squirms in Hoseok’s hold, his eyes fluttering open at some point.

“What are you doing,” the younger whispers sleepy, his hands grabbing Hoseok by his shoulders to get a better hold.

“Carrying you home, what else?” Hoseok answers as if it was the most normal thing to do. Jimin knows fighting any of Hoseok’s decisions was futile, so he accepts his fate and lets his best friend carry him all the way home, his face pressed against Hoseok’s chest and inhaling the calming scent of Hoseok’s perfume.

Hoseok has always been there and he will protect Jimin as good as he can for the rest of his life. Even if it means seeing his best friend falling in love again and again with the wrong guys while Hoseok is right here, waiting for years that Jimin will finally see him as something more than only his best friend.

Maybe getting hurt again and again like Jimin is painful, but Hoseok understand the pain all too well. He gets hurt every day when he sees Jimin with someone else, or when he talks about someone new he met again and then even more when Jimin gets hurt. But Hoseok is a good friend, he’d never pressure his feelings on Jimin since he knows this would break their friendship apart and Hoseok could never recover from losing Jimin.

The next day Jimin wakes up exhausted, his eyes are puffy from all the crying and the dark circles under his eyes make him look like he has been awake for three days straight. Jimin takes a few seconds to look at himself in the bathroom mirror, his gaze following his face, over his neck and his collarbones, down to his chest and his stomach. Jimin looks at himself and can’t find something he doesn’t like about himself. Is that wrong? Should he feel weird about himself? About the way his skin is a little too pale maybe? That his chest could be a little better defined? But his mom always told him to love himself the way he is. Why isn’t there someone out there who feels the same about him?

With a sigh Jimin puts on some makeup to look a little more alive, gets into his jeans and a grey hoodie and prepares himself a tea to drink on his way to work. Yesterday Jimin thought a lot about his behavior and the way he dated guy after guy without any real purpose behind it. Maybe Jimin always knew that he was with the wrong guys, but was too afraid to be alone. He’d rather let someone hurt him in the end than feel alone, because feeling hurt, feeling pain makes him realize that he still feels , no matter what it is.

On his way he shoots Hoseok a quick message, thanking him for staying with him yesterday and even carrying him home, because even after all those years of being friends texting is still easier for Jimin than talking. Jimin could’ve easily walked the few meters home by himself, but it wasn’t worth a discussion with his friend. Jimin makes a quick stop at their favorite cafe to grab a coffee and a sandwich for Hoseok before heading to the dance studio, preparing for his first class of the day.

The day in the dance studio flies by easily. Jimin teaches four different classes while Hoseok teaches some private lessons for a few guys who want to take part in auditions from huge labels and entertainment groups. They have lunch after a few hours in a small cafe around the corner and chat about random things before returning to work again. When all classes finally ended Jimin immediately packs his stuff and decides to not dance alone today, but visit the local library again. When he started dating San he hadn’t had enough time to manage dancing, meeting his boyfriend, hang out with Hoseok and at the library all together, so he hasn’t been there for ages. He misses the smell of old books and getting lost in beautiful stories, so today Jimin is more than excited to finally go back.

“See, I knew you’d go back to the library anyway,” Hoseok chuckles when he sees Jimin packing his stuff, “There is no way my Jiminie gives up reading love stories.”

“Hyung,” Jimin whines when Hoseok ruffles his hair again and lightly shoves his hand away, “This time I won’t read a love story. I will pick a thriller or something like that, just so you know.” Hoseok laughs out loud at those words and even more when he sees Jimin pout. They both know Jimin would never read a thriller or anything that is scary or sci-fi. For Jimin it had always been the love stories and this won’t change any time soon.

“Alright, Jimine. Tell Jeongguk I said hello,” he adds with a wink before he leaves through the door again, joining his current dance students again.

“Hyung!”, Jimin yells after him again with a pout, but Hoseok is long gone.

Jeongguk is the nice young man that works at the library. He has been there every time Jimin came around and they meanwhile “know” each other for two years, but never interact more than a shy hello and goodbye or Jimin asking Jeongguk if they got any new books he could recommend. Sometimes Jeongguk prepared a pile of books at Jimin’s favorite place, books he thought Jimin might enjoy reading and there has never been one of the books Jeongguk picked that Jimin didn’t like.

At first it had been weird to Jimin that Jeongguk seemed to work always close to Jimin’s favorite reading place, the younger obviously often rearranging books in the aisle next to Jimin, but with the time he got used to Jeongguk’s presence around him and even enjoyed having the younger around. It made Jimin feel less lonely, but never creeped out. They exchanged shy gazes here and there but Jeongguk always kept his distance and Jimin was thankful for that. Not that he wouldn’t like talking to the brown haired boy, but whenever Jimin was at the library he was here because he suffered from a breakup, and he didn’t feel like talking in a state like that.

So Jeongguk was like Jimin’s fresh breeze of air or the warm touch of the sun on his skin. Something that wasn’t really visible, that didn’t bother him at all, but made him feel at ease.

Well, that’s how things had been for one and a half years. Then things became.. different.

Hoseok only knows about Jeongguk because Jimin once came to the library and found a bouquet on his usual place where he reads, only a small card with the letter “J” on it. Jimin told Hoseok how he went to Jeongguk to ask him if he knows who put the flowers to his place or if he can describe what the person looked like since Jimin knew only one person whose name starts with a “J” and that was Jimin’s ex boyfriend Jong-hyuk. And if the flowers came from him he didn’t want them at all. Jeongguk only stuttered something about not seeing anyone coming in with flowers but that he thinks they look very pretty and Jimin only nodded at that, put the bouquet on the counter and asked Jeongguk to please throw them in the trash for him. 

After that Jeongguk and Jimin interacted even less than before. Jeongguk mostly worked in the front of the library, far away from Jimin’s usual place and Jimin noticed that, but decided to not say anything about it. They never really talked before, so maybe he was imagining things? Or Jeongguk really had to work on the other side of the huge room for a reason? Somehow it made feel Jimin lonely again and the library didn’t feel the same since then.

Thing somehow had been odd already and became even more uncomfortable when Jeongguk and Jimin had another weird encounter just a few months ago. Jimin told Hoseok, of course, and since then his best friend couldn’t stop bringing the younger up whenever he had the chance even Jimin was with San that time.

It was a Friday afternoon and normally Jimin visited the library every day at that time, but since he had just got together with San he barely had time for that. San worked in the building just across the library and Jimin picked him up from work from time to time so he obviously passed by the library. Some day Jeongguk was waiting outside, something Jimin never saw him doing before. When Jeongguk spotted Jimin walking towards him he visibly became more stiff and Jimin furrowed his eyebrows, not sure if the younger was okay.

“Why are you outside? It’s too cold to be outside with nothing but a shirt, do you want to get sick?”, Jimin had scolded him and that alone was more than the both of them exchanged in all the months before.

“N-No, I was waiting,” Jeongguk stuttered and it was just then that Jimin noticed the two cups in Jeongguk’s hands, the familiar smell of tea filling Jimin’s nose. “I wanted to–”

“Jimin, babe! There you are!”, another voice interrupted them and the both boys turned their heads into the direction it came from to see a tall, handsome guy crossing the street. “I go to work for a few hours and you’re already flirting with someone else?”

“Oh, no! That’s Jeongguk, he works here in the library,” Jimin had clarified with a small smile on his lips while San stared down at Jeongguk as if he was ready to break his neck.

“Didn’t know so many people enjoy something as boring as books, huh. Have fun then, nerd,” San granted Jeongguk a fake smile and then put one arm around Jimin’s shoulders to pressed him closer to himself. Jimin and Jeongguk looked at each other for a split second before San dragged Jimin with him. While walking away Jimin turned around again to somehow show Jeongguk that he is sorry for what San had said, that he isn’t a nerd and that books aren’t boring, but he only saw the younger tossing both cups in the trashcan before walking inside the building again without looking into Jimin’s direction again.

This had been the last time Jimin saw Jeongguk. Until today. Today Jimin finally wants to return to the library and apologize for what his ex had said back then. Jimin should’ve visited him way earlier and apologize, but he never found the courage to do so. Now that he and San broke up he craved the silence and the familiar surrounding of the huge shelves towering over him, tracing his fingers over the colorful backs of all those books, smelling the scent of old paper and see letters form into words and into sentences that tell stories Jimin wishes to experience as well. But he knew he couldn’t read in peace while knowing that Jeongguk could probably be hurt, so he had to apologize and hopefully the younger could forgive him.

With a heart beating too fast to be normal Jimin enters the huge entrance of the building and follows the stairs up to the 3rd floor. He stops in front of the old, wooden doors that leads to Jimin’s own little heaven besides the dance studio. With a weird feeling Jimin puts his shaking hand on the handle and pushes the door open, revealing a huge room full of books in front of him. Slowly he enters, tries to close the door behind him as carefully as possible to not make any loud noises and walks to the right side to a counter. Here you can return books or register for staying here for a while or, like in Jimin’s case, apologize to the person behind the counter.

Jeongguk’s eyes widen when he spots Jimin walking towards him and when their eyes meet Jimin feels this familiar feeling running down his spine, a feeling you get when reading your favorite characters finally admitting their feelings for each other, a feeling of your favorite tea warming you from the inside. A feeling like coming home.

Jimin missed feeling like that and only the library could make him feel like that, so he knows there is no going back now.

“Hey, Jeongguk,” he says, an apologetic smile already on his lips. Jeongguk doesn’t say a single word, he just stands behind the counter, his huge glasses on top of his nose and looks at Jimin as if he saw a ghost. “I know I’m a little late, but I wanted to apologize for what my ex said to you that day. You’re not a nerd and I’m sorry for not apologizing earlier. I hope you can forgive me.”

Silence settles between the both of them and Jimin feels his heart rate increase, the fear of Jeongguk rejecting him and his apology spreading over his whole body. Jimin has always been a person who had to apologize for a lot of things. For wearing something too short to a party, for texting his best friend who was a male as well, for training at the dance studio instead of waiting for his boyfriend at home. There are a lot of things Jimin apologized for in his life and it became something so natural that he normally doesn’t even realize that he apologized. It became a part of his character, but right now it felt like there was more behind those words, this time Jimin actually means it and he is actually sorry and hopes that Jeongguk can forgive him.

“Why are you apologizing? You’re not the one who said it,” Jeongguk says emotionless and Jimin feels small under his sudden strong gaze. He doesn’t know Jeongguk like that, normally the librarian was shy and barely talked, so this Jeongguk was something else.

“I know, but I also didn’t say something to him or to protect you.”

“I’m sure I’m not the one who needs to be protected,” Jeongguk answers with a way softer voice now and Jimin sees his face finally relaxing, like he finally turns back into the Jeongguk Jimin knows. Jeongguk’s words slowly enter Jimin’s mind and he lowers his head, not sure what to answer to this. What does Jeongguk mean? He’s not the one who needs to be protected? But who is he referring–  “Your usual place is free, we have a few new books you might enjoy, I’ll bring them to you.”

With those words Jeongguk turns around and opens the small gate for Jimin to enter the hall. Jimin follows the younger through the well-known aisles, the way so familiar Jimin could walk here blindfolded and still end up on his favorite place. When he sits down Jeongguk already holds a few books in his hands and puts them down in front of Jimin before he turns around to leave him alone, like he always does.

“Jeongguk?” The younger stops and slowly turns around again, his eyes locking with Jimin’s. “Thank you.”

A small smile forms on Jeongguk’s lips, then he turns around again and leaves without another word. Jimin can’t help it and doesn’t fight the smile that comes creeping over his lips as well, a calm feeling settling down inside of him. Jeongguk isn’t mad, and that’s great.

Jimin curls into the corner of the comfortable windowsill and cover his body with one of the blankets before grabbing the book on top of the pile of books Jeongguk left him. Normally Jimin would reach for his favorite book at first, but today he decides to trust the younger with what he picked for Jimin. Without even checking the cover or the summary Jimin opens the book to finally start reading again and forget about his own pain for a while.

It is a truth universally acknowledge, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife, Jimin reads and his breath hitches. He knows those words, he knows every single word of this book and still, he closes the book to check the cover and make sure he isn’t dreaming.

Pride and Prejudice.

Jimin always reads this book when he comes here after he suffered from another breakup and the fact that Jeongguk picked exactly that book for him makes something weird stir in Jimin’s body. Was this a coincidence? Did Jeongguk pick that book because he maybe saw Jimin reading it again and again? How did he know Jimin normally reads this book first when he feels bad? Or did he give it to him because he exactly knows how Jimin feels?

He swallows the lump in his throat and puts the book aside, turning his head to the window to let his gaze wander outside over the already dark streets and the few lights in the distance. He pulls the blanket a little higher and leans his head against the cold window. Now that Jimin thinks about it Jeongguk had always been here, so he maybe just knew what Jimin likes and Jimin shouldn’t think too much about it. 

After that Jimin can’t stop himself and his thoughts travel places they shouldn’t, but he can’t help it when he is here. The book lies on his lap, the story of finding true love long forgotten when all Jimin feels right now is the feeling of not being enough, of being played with and used. Why is it so easy for the people in books? Why do they always find their way to each other so easily? They all have hardships, but there are people who fight for them, who do anything to keep them in their life. In Jimin’s case it’s always the other way around, he does whatever he can to make someone stay, but they leave him anyway. 

Outside the wind blows through a huge tree, the leaves shaking in the wind, daring to fall down or whirling through the air. Jimin watches the tree for a while, not even noticing that his eyes became wet again, the pain of what had happened to him still cutting deep. Whenever someone left him behind Jimin found an excuse for it, made himself believe that it was better that way, that it had to happen and maybe was the universe's plan to test him. But after the story with San and Solar Jimin can’t find an excuse, he can’t find a reason for why people would do that to him, why someone would waste months of his life just to see him break. It’s hard to trust someone ever again after this, to let someone in. Jimin stumbled and fell, but he always got up again just to keep running straight into the next painful experience. Maybe it was time to accept the fact that the universe wants to see him down and stop trying to get up again all the time.

When Jimin’s gaze wanders down to the street he remembers all the times he came here to pick San up from work. How he waited for him for ages, sent him message after message until San finally texted him back, saying that he already headed back home early and accidentally forgot to tell him. How he drove here in the middle of the night to pick him up from a companies party, just to find him fully drunk flirting with everyone within five meters. How he came here to surprise him with selfmade lunch just for San to kick him out and telling him to not embarrass him in front of all his colleagues. It’s ridiculous how many hours Jimin spent on this street, waiting for someone who couldn’t care less about him.

Maybe all the signs were there, but Jimin wanted to make this work so bad. After all the times someone left him he really had hope that if he only tries hard enough, if he does whatever San tells him, he would stay with him. Jimin wanted to believe that he finally found someone and he was willing to apologize for every small mistake, waited as long as necessary, did whatever was possible to make San see him, because San would do the same for him, right? San didn’t invite him to all the nice dates, didn’t cook with him at home or watched his favorite movie with him over and over again just for fun, right?

San truly loved him and only had a bad day from time to time, right?

Of course Jimin was wrong. Again. All of this was nothing but a game, making Jimin fall for someone again just to kick him to the ground after they got bored with him.

“Hey,” a faint voice suddenly pulls Jimin out of his thoughts and Jimin yanks his head around to see Jeongguk standing a few feet away from him. Jimin clumsily pushes the blanket to the side to reach up to his eyes and wipe the tears away with his sweater, praying to god that Jeongguk didn’t see him cry again. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s fine,” Jimin gifts him a fake smile and pulls his knees closer to his chest and the blanket tighter around his body as if he needs to protect himself from his surrounding. “Do you need something?”

“Uhm, it’s nearly midnight,” Jeongguk says as if it wasn’t obvious what he wants from Jimin. With huge eyes Jimin shoves the blanket away again and takes a look at his phone, realizing that it really is close to midnight. Jimin had been sitting in this exact place for the past five hours without even noticing it, too lost in his own thoughts and his own misery.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you come to tell me earlier? Don’t you normally close at 9 pm?” Jimin gets up from the windowsill in a hurry and folds the blanket to place it neatly on a chair to his left.

“I’ve been here two times already, but you didn’t hear me and I had some more things to do anyway, so I stayed longer and thought I’d pick you up when I really have to go. So, uhm, I have to start early again tomorrow–”

“No, oh my god, of course. I’m so sorry, I’ll leave!” Jimin gathers all his things together and reaches out for the pile of books Jeongguk prepared for him earlier, and in the exact moment Jeongguk reaches for them, too. Their hands brush against each other and Jimin’s head shoots up, his shocked eyes finding Jeongguk’s. They have never been so close before and Jimin can’t help but stare at Jeongguk, his dark brown eyes and the small scar on his right cheek.

“I’ll do that, it’s fine,” Jeongguk suddenly offers and Jimin snaps out of his trance, slowly taking his hands back, but his eyes never leaving Jeongguk’s. 

“T-Thank you,” Jimin whispers and then there is a weird silence between them. They stare at each other for way longer than people should stare at each other, but none of them seems able to stop. Jeongguk’s finger hold the books in his hands so firmly, his knuckles turn white at the force and the library is so silent, he fears Jimin could hear his fast heartbeat. 

Jimin hadn’t been here in such a long time and every day Jeongguk waited for him to come back, prayed that every time the door opens it would reveal the small, blonde man who would gift Jeongguk his beautiful smile once again, even though Jeongguk could see the pain behind it. Jeongguk waited for days, for weeks and then months passed by without seeing Jimin again. The only time Jeongguk saw him was when he sat down at Jimin’s favorite place on the windowsill and looked down to the street, seeing the other sitting outside on a bench, always waiting for someone.

Jeongguk sat there, staring, not able to move a single muscle until Jimin finally got up and left again, alone. Back then Jeongguk had no idea what the older did there every day, but after waiting outside with two cups of tea so Jimin doesn’t have to freeze outside when he waits again for whoever and then finally meeting the guy who apparently was Jimin boyfriend he guessed it could only have something to do with him. Never in a million years Jeongguk thought someone like this guy could be Jimin’s boyfriend, he seemed rude and an asshole, but it wasn’t Jeongguk’s place to judge.

Jeongguk had so many questions back then, about this weird guy and why Jimin didn’t come here in such a long time. But when Jimin walked through the huge wooden doors today Jeongguk couldn’t believe his own eyes and all those questions were washed away. Instead Jeongguk wanted to finally gather the courage to talk to Jimin, to ask him what is favorite food is, what he does for a living or what he thinks about comic books. There are so many questions Jeongguk wants to ask, so many things he wants to know about the smaller, blonde man who had been stuck in his mind since the first day he walked into the library, but seeing Jimin here again also meant that something had happened. Jeongguk noticed that by now, in all the months Jimin came here he always came when he felt sad and that’s something Jeongguk hates.

“Why are you sad again?”, Jeongguk drops the bomb without thinking any further about it. Only when Jimin’s eyes widen in shock Jeongguk realizes what he just said and how offensive and inappropriate it is to ask a stranger something like that. “I’m sorry, it’s none of my business. It’s just that you always read this book when you’re sad and, I mean it’s not that I stalk you or anything! I just, I noticed and thought I’d ask, but now that I said it out loud I–”

“Jeongguk,” Jimin giggles softly and stops Jeongguk’s rambling just like that. He never heard the younger talk that much and somehow it was cute to see him so overwhelmed by his own words. “It’s fine,” Jimin repeats again and can’t hide a small smile, one that isn’t fake this time. “I’ll leave now. Sorry again for staying this long.”

With that Jimin gets up and leaves Jeongguk and the library behind, making his way home. Maybe Jimin would’ve enjoyed Jeongguk walking next to him right now. The silent, yet so overwhelming presence the younger had made Jimin feel safe every time, but Jimin just told himself that he has to learn how to be alone sometimes, so he could definitely walk home alone today. On his way through the dark aisles of Busan and the cold wind brushing through his hair Jimin can’t help but think. Again. About the lovers he lost, the pieces of himself that broke on his way and how all of this changed him as a person. What kind of person would Jimin be if he never lost his best friend? If people didn't betray him? What person could he possibly have met while he had been in all those useless relationships and wasted his time dating people that never had good intentions? He doesn’t know. And Jimin will never know.

It wouldn’t be the way it is today, if the past hadn’t been the way it was.

When Jimin finally arrives home and falls into his bed he feels a little lighter than before, something that he calls the after-library-effect. Jimin thought sleep would come easily after such a long day, but Jeongguk’s words keep him awake.

Why are you sad again?

For someone who really tries his best to always hide his feelings from other people, to not make himself vulnerable, hearing Jeongguk say it out loud felt like a stab right into his chest. How could the librarian look right through him so easily? Jeongguk had always been there without really being close to him and it was enough for Jimin, it was anything he ever asked for. But maybe Jimin let the younger into his life without really noticing it, showing his pain and his feelings through the books he reads there. Like a silent scream for help.

Maybe Jeongguk knows Jimin better than he wanted the younger to and the thought scares him. Jimin always gave his everything to the people he thought he truly loved, showed his feelings to them, tried to make them see him and do whatever was possible to make them stay. He never had to do that with Jeongguk. Jeongguk had always been there and Jimin never had to ask for him.

Maybe reading was Jimin’s own heaven, but reading with having Jeongguk around was even more than that and Jimin has no idea what to do with this realization.

Four days passed until Jimin finally found the courage to go to the library again. With each passing day he felt more and more weird, thinking about the young man who worked there and what all of this meant. His mind is a mess and he needs to distract himself. Maybe all of it meant nothing in the end, but still, since the last time Jimin visited the library things seemed different. Again.

Somehow Jimin didn’t feel good in general, the thing with San still hurting him, things with Jeongguk confusing him, work exhausting him. It all was too much, and since Hoseok was at the dance studio today and would kick him out if he sees Jimin dance in a state like that, the library was the only other option he had.

With two cups of fresh, self made tea in his hands Jimin walks into the library, even though he knows exactly that open drinks are forbidden inside. As always Jeongguk stands behind the counter, his gaze focused on the computer and cleary lost in thoughts. Jimin walks closer to him, taking in every small detail about the librarian he actually never noticed before. The huge glasses on Jeongguk’s face make him look so much younger, maybe that’s why he doesn’t wear them often. Jimin noticed that he doesn’t wear them all the time. Jimin notices the small scar that was barely visible before, but now that Jimin knows it is right there, he couldn’t ignore it. What happened there? Did someone hurt Jeongguk? Did he hurt himself?

Jimin’s gaze wanders from the scar up to his forehead, the younger’s hair slightly parted and curly today, something that Jimin barely sees on him since he mostly wears his hair straight and his bangs neatly covering his forehead. Jimin can’t stop himself from checking Jeongguk out so obviously, it’s a miracle that Jeongguk didn’t catch him–

“Do you want to keep staring or enter the library?”

Jimin immediately snaps out of it, his huge eyes meeting Jeongguk’s, a smirk on the youngers lips. The blonde clears his throat and makes the last steps towards the counter to place one of the cups down on it.

“Since when did you become so bold?”, Jimin sarcastically snaps back and Jeongguk’s whole face becomes red in less than two seconds, the younger awkwardly putting his glasses down before looking at Jimin again. They both have no idea why they always act so absolutely weird around each other after all those years. They really manage to make even a normal hello and goodbye awkward. Have things always been like that between them and Jimin didn’t notice or are they simply acting more weird since the last night they met?

“I, uhm, I’m–”

“It’s fine, Jeongguk,” Jimin smiles shyly. He uses this phrase way too often when he’s around Jeongguk, but he can’t help himself. It is fine. Somehow. “I brought you some tea, as an apology.”

Jeongguk furrows his eyebrows but accepts the cup and put it to his lips, tasting the sweet flavour of rosehip and peaches. That’s exactly the smell he always connects with Jimin, because whenever the older comes into the library it seems like the whole room was clouded by the scent of peaches and now tasting it felt like tasting a bit of Jimin, like getting to know him a little better.

“I told you there is no need to apologize, I don’t care what your boyfriend says about me.”

“Ex. My ex boyfriend. But actually I brought it to apologize for making you stay so long last time. You should’ve kicked me out sooner,” Jimin smiles and turns the cup back and forth between his own hands, his eyes roaming everywhere but Jeongguk’s face. God, why does this feel so awkward? Maybe that’s why they never interacted before, it was like the universe knew they aren’t compatible.

“I told you it’s fine. You seemed so in thoughts and I didn’t want to disturb you. And I’m sorry again for being so bold last time, why you are here and what you feel is none of my concern. Sorry again,” Jeongguk apologizes as well and if Jimin doesn’t stop them right here they soon will be trapped in an endless spiral of apologies. 

“It’s fine, really.”

“Yeah, okay. It’s fine,” Jeongguk repeats and they awkwardly stand across from each other, both not knowing what to do or say without making all of this even more weird. Without another word Jeongguk opens the small gate for Jimin so he can slip into the library and Jimin only gifts him a small smile, making his way towards his favorite place.

“Nice flowers by the way,” Jimin remarks before he rounds the next corner, not even waiting for Jeongguk’s answer. Jeongguk turns his head around and looks at the fresh bouquet of pink and white flowers on the counter. It’s the same bouquet Jeongguk once placed on Jimin’s usual place before Jimin himself told him to please throw them away for him.

So it was hard to believe that Jimin really found them pretty.

When Jimin arrives at his usual place his eyes grow big again at the sight of a new pile of books on the small, white table next to the windowsill. Slowly he approaches the pile just to find “Pride and Prejudice” on top of it again and Jimin can’t help the small smile spreading on his lips. He puts his bag on the floor, grabs the books and sits down on the windowsill, this time really with the intention to read his favorite book again. When Jimin opens the first page a small piece of paper falls out of it and onto his lap, making him stop in his tracks. With a small pout on his lips he reaches for the note and reads what’s standing there in beautiful handwritten letters.

“We lose ourselves in books, but we find ourselves there, too.”

Jimin reads the note again and again, then his head snaps up and he looks around as if he expects Jeongguk to be anywhere near. When he doesn’t see anyone around Jimin looks at the note again before reaching for a pen in his bag to write another note on the backside. When he’s done he places the note between the pages again and finally starts reading his book. The weird conversation with Jeongguk earlier never really leaving his mind, but at the same time it’s finally a conversation with a man that he doesn’t regret talking to.

It’s nearly 10 pm when Jimin looks at his phone the first time and lets out a shocked gasp when he realizes he stayed way longer here again . In a rush Jimin jumps from the windowsill, grabs his bag and runs towards the exit where he finds Jeongguk on the counter, doing some work at the computer again.

“Why didn’t you come and tell me the time!”, Jimin gasps, out of breath from running all the way from the furthest back of the library to the counter in the front. “I’m sorry, I got so lost in this story again, it was really unintentional!”

“Jimin, breathe,” Jeongguk chuckles and takes his glasses off again to place them into a case. Then Jeongguk grabs his bag as well and shuts the computer down, grabs his jacket and joins Jimin in front of the counter. “I had some more work to do, I was just about to finish and get you, but now you’re here already.”

Jeongguk walks towards the wooden door and opens the right side, gesturing Jimin to follow him out of the hall. Jimin needs a second to realize what happens and finally gets his feet to work and start walking out of the door. Behind him he hears the door snap shut and the rattling sound of Jeongguk locking it. They both walk down the stairs and again Jeongguk holds the door open for Jimin when they leave the building. The cold air greets them and Jimin sinks further into his sweater, scolding himself for not bringing a scarf or anything.

They walk next to each other in silence, both knowing that the way they share isn’t that far and therefor not long enough for one of them finding the courage to start another conversation. Jimin doesn’t know how to feel, they walked this street together a few times already but he never gave much thoughts about it. Why does he now? Why does walking next to Jeongguk make him nervous and why does he unknowingly become slower and slower to enjoy the youngers presence just a little longer? Jimin’s hand presses the book in his hands closer to his chest, somehow trying to hold onto it to not feel even more dizzy.

Wait.

Book?

“Oh my god, I accidentally took the book with me!”, Jimin suddenly whines and stops walking to look at the book in his hands, his eyes then wandering to Jeongguk who stopped as well and looks at him with a small smile on his lips. “I swear to god I didn’t mean to steal it!”

“Take it home, you can bring it back the next time you come over,” Jeongguk offers while shoving his hands into the pockets of his long, black coat.

“No, here, take it. I’ll read it when I’m back. It doesn’t feel right to take it with me,” Jimin rambles and jogs the few steps until he reaches Jeongguk and presses the book against his chest. Jeongguk only chuckles again and takes his hand out of his pocket to take the book out of Jimin’s hand, their fingers brushing against each other for a second. 

“If it makes you feel better. I’ll put it back on your table tomorrow,” Jeongguk says before he turns around and starts walking again, the book firm in his hands. A weird feeling spreads in Jimin’s whole body but he brushes it off and thinks about the possibility of just getting a flu because he only wears a sweater when it’s so cold outside. They continue walking next to each other in silence until the familiar sign of an italian restaurant comes in sight. The place where they have to part ways.

Jimin can’t stop the weird feeling that comes creeping up his spine and slightly begins to shake. God, it’s really cold, isn’t it?

“Are you okay? Are you cold?”, Jeongguk asks and Jimin only shakes his head, not trusting his own voice at the moment. What the hell is going on? Why does he feel so weird? Why is his body betraying him like that so suddenly? Jimin hasn’t been sick in ages, he really can’t afford cancelling all his dance classes. “Here,” Jeongguk suddenly stops and holds Jimin back by his shoulder to stop him from walking further. The taller man carefully wraps his black scarf around Jimin’s neck, knotting it in the front to keep Jimin’s throat covered. “Just bring it back the next time you come around to read. Maybe someday you’ll come for the pleasure that books can bring, not only to deal with your pain.”

Jeongguk finishes wrapping the scarf around Jimin and puts the ends neatly over each other. Jimin hasn’t said a single word so far, the fact that Jeongguk looked right through him again making him shiver even more. 

“Good night, Jimin,” Jeongguk whispers before he lets go of Jimin and disappears in the darkness of the night. Jimin is left speechless, the fresh smell of april cotton filling his nose and clouding his thoughts thanks to the damn scarf. Jeongguk is long gone when Jimin can finally get himself to start walking home as well. The whole way back home Jimin’s mind is blank. There are so many things he wants to think about, things he wants to question but he can’t grasp one single thought. His mind is racing and on top of it the damn smell of april cotton wraps him into a feeling that spreads warmth all over his body.

When Jimin finally arrives home he gets rid of all his clothes, only grabs a fresh shirt and boxershorts and jumps under the shower. The hot water not only warms his body but also washes away all the weird thoughts that haunted him the whole day. When his skin feels like it’s on fire, he smells like baby soap and the whole bathroom is clouded by the steam Jimin feels satisfied enough to get out of the shower, dry himself and get into his sleeping clothes.

Jimin wraps himself into his blanket, the cold fabric feeling even colder against his heated skin. It takes him a while to find a comfortable position, just to feel uncomfortable again only seconds after. Jimin tosses and turns, the tiredness cleary sitting deep in his bones, yet he can’t fall asleep. With an annoyed groan Jimin shoves the blanket away and rolls on his back to stare at the ceiling. Something is off and he doesn’t like it.

Maybe?

No.

Or?

“Argh!”, Jimin yells and gets out of bed to stomp into the hallway of his apartment, grabs the damn black scarf from the floor and angrily walks back into his bedroom again. As if someone forced him to do so, Jimin lays down in his bed, pulls the blanket over his head and nuzzles his nose into the soft fabric of Jeongguk’s scarf, inhaling the calming smell of april cotton. This is so stupid and Jimin hates himself for it, but he can’t stay angry at himself for long since the scent feels like it wraps him into a warm hug, making him fall asleep just a few minutes later.

At the same time Jeongguk arrives at home, hangs his coat onto the wardrobe in the hallway and kneels down to greet his cat which came running towards him the second she heard him.

“Hello my love, have you been good?”, Jeongguk smiles and strokes the cats colorful fur before he lifts her up and walks into the kitchen with her. He sits her down and places his bag on the counter, preparing some food for Serendipity. Jeongguk got her from an animal shelter and immediately fell in love with the small, shy bundle of joy. Her name has already been Serendipity when he got her and Jeongguk wouldn’t take that away from her, so he kept it. It’s not like she’d listen to her name anyway. Jeongguk places her filled bowl on the floor and watches her eat for a second before he turns around and unpacks his bag.

Of course the book Jimin handed him earlier falls out as well and Jeongguk holds it in his hands for a while, flipping through the pages. He really gets why Jimin loves the story so much, but he really hopes that the other can read it someday with a happy mindset, not just when he feels sad. Jimin never told Jeongguk why he comes to the library, but Jeongguk wasn’t stupid. Jimin always disappeared for a few weeks and then came back, his eyes puffy and dull. Not to mention all the times Jeongguk heard him cry in the corner. Jimin always held his hand to his nose and his mouth, trying to muffle his cries, but that doesn’t mean Jeongguk didn’t hear him anyway.

Jeongguk doesn’t know what Jimin went through, what happened every time he came back to the library, but he really wants to know. Actually Jeongguk wishes only the best for Jimin and that he never comes back to the library because he feels too happy to do so. But maybe Jeongguk is also a little selfish and hopes that someday Jimin finds another reason to visit the library. A reason that would never make him cry.

When Jeongguk is about to put the book back into his bag as to not forget to take it with him tomorrow he notices a little note peeking out from a page. Slowly he pulls it out and recognizes it as the note he wrote for Jimin. A sad feeling settles in Jeongguk’s chest at the thought of Jimin not even reading it.

Why is Jeongguk so bad when it comes to feelings? He really tried to make Jimin see him, but everytime it seemed like the universe was against them. The flowers? That really didn’t go as planned. Waiting outside for Jimin with his favorite tea after seeing him always wait so long in the cold for someone across the street? Well, also not really the outcome Jeongguk wished for. For nearly two years Jeongguk was there, saw Jimin in pain and there is nothing he can do about any of it. Jeongguk also wants to scold himself for not getting his shit together and just ask Jimin out, or tell him that he sent the flowers, or just make another move. For two years everything Jeongguk achieved was finally greeting Jimin without choking on his own saliva.

Well done for a 27 year old, Jeon Jeongguk.

With a sigh Jeongguk wants to put the note into the book again, but in just that moment Serendipity jumps on the counter and rubs her head against Jeongguk’s hand, making him drop the note. Jeongguk slightly laughs and gives his cat the attention she craves so bad until she gets bored and turns her back to him, jumping from the counter to leaves into the living room.

Jeongguk only shakes his head at her attitude and then leans down to pick the note up again. He furrows his eyebrows when he suddenly sees another handwriting on it and turns the note back and forth just to realize that someone wrote something on the other side of it. Warmth immediately spreads into Jeongguk’s whole body when he reads the note again and again, the knowledge that Jimin really found his note making him happier than he ever was in the past weeks.

Maybe this was the first step to finally get closer to the beautiful, blonde man that stole Jeongguk’s breath the first time he saw him. Maybe Jeongguk can finally get his shit together and ask Jimin out. Maybe one day Jeongguk could be Jimin’s Mr. Darcy.

“We never leave a library empty handed, even when our hands are empty.”

When Jimin wakes up the next day he can’t even hide his good mood. He turns on some music, something he didn’t do in ages and when Bruno Mars’ “Locked out of Heaven” comes on shuffle Jimin dances through the whole apartment while brushing his teeth. Jimin gets ready in no time, putting the song on repeat even when he walks out of the house and can’t help singing along with it and more dance than walk his way to work.

“Uhm, good morning,” Hoseok says baffled, his eyes not believing what they are seeing when Jimin comes through the door, acting as if he was holding a microphone and singing the lyrics to “Locked out of Heaven”.

“Can't I just stay here? Spend the rest of my days here? 'Cause you make me feeeeeeeeel like, I've been locked out of heeeeeeaven,” Jimin continues singing while approaching Hoseok and the older just stands there frozen in place, “For too long, for too long, Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah, uh! ” Jimin dances around Hoseok while taking one of his Airpods out and grabs Hoseok’s hand to make him dance with him. The song ends way too soon for Jimin’s liking and he’s about to play it from the beginning again when Hoseok takes Jimin’s phone out of his hands and hides it behind his back.

“What the hell happened to you?” Hoseok says shocked, but his face turns into a huge grin just seconds after at the view of Jimin’s bright smile. Hoseok has known Jimin for years now and he can’t remember the last time he saw Jimin that happy. “Don’t tell me you started doing drugs or I’ll kick your fucking ass.”

“No, hyung, what the hell?”, Jimin puts a hand to his heart, acting all hurt at Hoseok’s words. He reaches behind Hoseok to get his phone back and luckily Hoseok doesn’t fight it. “I don’t do drugs, just slept well, I guess?” Jimin puts his bag to the side and sits down in the floor to prepare himself for his upcoming class and begins to stretch while Hoseok still stands in the middle of the room, not really processing what he’s just seen.

“Locked out of Heaven? Are you sure you are okay? Not that I mind seeing you like that, but it’s.. rare,” Hoseok’s smile falters a little, the concern taking over the happiness he feels for Jimin. Hoseok hopes that all of this hasn’t anything to do with another man Jimin met, because he really can’t see his friend going through the same pain all over again just two weeks after the breakup with San.

“No, actually I’m just feeling good. I don’t know. I’ve been at the library yesterday, read a little bit and then walked home with Jeongguk after ages and it felt really good. Carefree,” Jimin admits and suddenly feels embarrassed by his own confession. He doesn’t want to sound like he only feels good because of Jeongguk or that Hoseok thinks he will fall head over heels for someone again in such a short amount of time. It’s just that being with Jeongguk feels different, like there was no pressure, no need to impress him or make him stay, because Jimin knows that whenever he goes back to the library Jeongguk will be there. He would never kick him out or tell him to leave him alone. This is a feeling Jimin didn’t have in a long time and he enjoys it right now, well, as long as it lasts. Maybe Jeongguk will leave him in the end as well, but right now he is there, he is in Jimin’s life without any doubt and it really makes Jimin feel like he’s been locked out of heaven for too long.

“Jeongguk, huh? I just want to protect you, you know? I can’t see you sad again, Jiminie. Please take care,” Hoseok sighs and places a water bottle he prepared next to Jimin’s bag.

“It’ll be alright, hyung. I need some time to learn how to feel okay with myself again, I know that. And Jeongguk isn’t someone I’d fall in love with on the spot. He’s been around for nearly two years and I never felt anything special with him. I just realized that it feels good having him around since he doesn’t expect anything from me. That’s it,” Jimin explains and leans forward to reach his hands towards his feet, welcoming the sting of the stretch in his muscles.

“You know I’m happy as long as you are, Jiminie,” Hoseok cracks a smile and ruffles Jimin’s hair when he walks past him which doesn’t even earn him an annoyed growl this time, but a happy chuckle. Hoseok really could get used to seeing Jimin like that.

Hoseok is about to leave Jimin’s dance studio when suddenly someone tears the door open, making Jimin yank his head into the direction of the noise. And when he sees who enters the room Jimin isn’t sure if he wants to scream or to vomit.

“San,” Hoseok nearly growls and Jimin can’t even get himself to get up from the floor, too shocked by the sudden presence of someone he never wanted to see again in his life. “Get the fuck out before I’ll lose my fucking mind.”

“That’s not a nice way to greet something, Hoseok, you should work on that,” San grins and is about to walk past Hoseok, the red haired man just fast enough to hold him back by his shoulder. “Let go of me, or you’ll regret it.” Hoseok has no intention of letting him come one step closer to Jimin and Jimin knows San, he knows it only takes a little spark to make him explode. With shaking legs Jimin gets up from the floor and approaches the both of them, his whole body feeling numb with each step he takes.

“What do you want here, San?” Jimin asks and crosses his arms to somehow protect himself from what’s about to come. Seeing San again after two weeks brings back a lot of hurtful memories and Jimin realizes he really hasn’t really settled with the whole thing yet. Seeing San still feels like someone stabbing a knife right into his chest.

“I wanted to apologize, Jiminie. My baby, I’m so sorry, okay? What I did was fucked up, but I really love you and I want you back in my life,” San says with pleading eyes and Jimin feels something inside of him break at those words. Those are the words he’s wanted to hear his whole life. He always wanted someone to come after him, tell him he is sorry and misses him, loves him. Jimin drops his arms in shock and Hoseok immediately catches what’s going on in his best friend.

“Jimin, he’s lying. Don’t believe anything he says,” the older tries to filter down to Jimin, but Jimin’s whole focus is on San. He doesn’t even hear a single word that comes from Hoseok.

“Baby, I miss you so much, don’t you miss me as well? I’ve been so lost without you, please come back to me,” San begs and slowly comes closer to Jimin, his hands already reaching out to Jimin’s face. Jimin doesn’t move a single muscle, not a single word leaving his mouth, which San sees as an okay to touch him and put his hands on Jimin’s cheeks. Jimin closes his eyes at the sudden touch of warm hands again his skin and tries his best to hold back his tears. San came back to him, right? He’s realized that the whole thing with Solar was so fucked up and now he feels sorry and realized that he really fell in love with Jimin in the few months they were dating. San wouldn’t come here to only to make fun of him again. Right?

“I–,” Jimin starts but the words are stuck in his throat when he feels San’s thumb caressing his right cheek. Slowly Jimin opens his eyes and looks at San, the older’s ice blue eyes staring down at him. The eyes Jimin once believed every single thing. The eyes he thought could never lie to him. Are they telling the truth now? Why does the blue feel so wrong right now? Why does Jimin wish that someone else was looking at him right now?

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise. You’re mine, right? You’re only happy when you’re with me and you know it.” San furrows his eyes as if he only allows one right answer to that, his gaze so strong that Jimin is so close to giving in to him again. “You know you have no one else but me.”

Why are you sad again?

Maybe someday you’ll come for the pleasure that books can bring, not only to deal with your pain.

Jimin remembers Jeongguk’s words; they keep repeating themselves in his head again and again, they become so loud that Jimin doesn’t even hear what San says to him anymore, or what Hoseok yells in the back. Jimin only came to the library when he felt sad, and he was sad because of San. Jimin doesn’t want to come to the library again just because he feels sad and deep down he knows that getting back together with San is wrong, that this would only make him sad again.

But it is so hard. It’s so hard to say no to someone who tells you exactly what you’ve wanted to hear in your life so bad. Jimin knows that San isn’t the right one, but he says the right things right now and maybe that’s enough to not feel lonely again.

“Jimin, god damn!”, Hoseok yells and suddenly San is pushed away from him and stumbles to the ground. Jimin shakes his head as if someone just woke him up from a deep sleep and when he sees San on the floor he needs a second to realize where he is and who just talked to him. San gets to his feet immediately and runs towards Hoseok, pushing the other against the mirror wall behind them. With a deafening crash the glass behind Hoseok breaks into a million pieces and the two men start pushing each other around, trying to get the upper hand.

Jimin can’t do anything besides watching, too caught up in his own thoughts and still overwhelmed by the fact that San is here again.

“Get the fuck out!”, Hoseok suddenly yells, dragging San out of the hall, the door falling shut behind them. And just like that the whole room falls silent. Jimin’s gaze follows the million little pieces of the mirror on the floor and the broken glass on the wall before he slowly crouches down, hiding his face in his hands. Without any other choice small sobs escape Jimin’s throat, painful noises slipping from his lips and hot tears streaming down his cheeks. What the hell just happened? Did he really almost give in again? Did a few words from someone like San really make him weak again? Even though he knows what San did to him before? 

 “Jimin, hey, are you okay?”, he hears Hoseok and then some fast steps approaching him until Hoseok crouches down next to him, his hands on Jimin’s back. “He’s gone, you’ll be fine.”

Jimin chokes on his own sobs and Hoseok wraps his arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug. The smaller grabs Hoseok’s shirt so hard his knuckles turn white from the force and cries into his friend’s shoulder, the fabric soaked due to his tears. Hoseok draws small circles on Jimin’s back, knowing that it calms the younger down and they stay in that position until Jimin can’t cry anymore. Jimin’s body only shakes with his sobs when Hoseok slowly pushes him back to look him in the face. Carefully he brushes the bangs out of Jimin’s face and wipes the remaining tears from his cheeks.

“Let’s get you home for today, yeah? I’ll close the studio until I’m back,” Hoseok smiles softly and helps Jimin to his feet again. The older grabs Jimin’s bag and his jacket, helping him into it before they leave the dance studio. On their way they don’t exchange any words and Jimin is grateful for it, he got his friend into a dangerous situation and was so dumb that he nearly fell for the stupid apology.

After they arrived at Jimin’s home and Hoseok made sure that Jimin is tucked into his bed he kneels down beside the bed and puts his head on his hands, his eyes looking at Jimin who avoids his gaze.

“Don’t beat yourself up now, okay? He played with your feelings and confused you, I know he said exactly what you always wanted to hear from someone, but trust me, all of that was a lie. I don’t know why he even came back and what bullshit goes on in his head, but don’t think about it too much, Jiminie,” Hoseok whispers and sees how Jimin closes his eyes at those words, trying to hold back his tears.

“I got you into a dangerous situation and I did nothing to help you. How could I ever forgive myself something like that,” Jimin sighs and turns his head away to look at the ceiling. “Are you okay? Not hurt from the sharp fragments, or San?”

“I’m okay, don’t worry about me. I guess San looks worse,” Hoseok chuckles and Jimin only hums at that, relieved that his friend didn’t get hurt. And still, the shock and the guilt sit deep inside of Jimin. “Can I leave you alone? Try to get some sleep, yeah? Call me whenever you need something.”

“Okay.”

Hoseok only sighs and looks at his best friend a last time before he gets up and leaves Jimin behind. Seeing Jimin so happy this morning is something Hoseok finds himself wishing to see more often. Preferably every morning, but even those small moments of happiness aren’t meant for Jimin apparently. Hoseok doesn’t know what to do anymore and how to protect his friend. Leaving Jimin behind right now makes him feel like someone who leaves Jimin forever, even though he only has to go back to teach Jimin’s classes today. Hoseok can only hope that Jimin will be okay by himself.

Jimin isn’t okay.

Whenever he closes his eyes he sees San again, hears the words he said and it feels like Jimin’s whole world breaks down like that. He has no idea why San can’t just leave him alone, why he keeps coming back and why Jimin can’t just let go. Maybe because San is the first person that ever came back for him. All the guys before him left Jimin and that’s it. They were just gone and there was nothing Jimin could do about it. He cried about it and then moved on, like he always did.

But San came back to him. Not with the right intentions, but he came back.

“God!” Jimin yells and throws his pillow to the side, then he reaches out for his bedside lamp and throws it against the wall opposite from his bed. The lamp shatters into pieces, leaving a hole in the wall and Jimin only grabs his own hair, pulling on it to somehow get the anger out of his system. The blonde gets up from his bed, nearly stumbles over his blanket and gets so mad about it that he punches his own fist against the wall, creating another small hole in the wall. The pain in his hand immediately shoots through Jimin’s whole body and forces him to his knees. He holds his hand close to his chest while he leans his forehead against the cold wall, letting the pain take over him once again.

How did he end up here? Like that? Why is all of this happening? What kind of sick joke is this?

Jimin doesn’t know how long he sits on the floor, but when he finally gets up he sees the wounds on his knuckles and some stains of blood. With shaking legs Jimin walks into the bathroom and lets some cool water wash over his wounds, hissing at the pain. Jimin doesn’t even dare to look at the mirror this time, leaving the bathroom as fast as possible. Funny, how he stood in front of this mirror not even three hours ago, dancing to Bruno Mars and now he wishes he would’ve just stayed in bed.

Slowly Jimin drags himself through his apartment and then stumbles over his bag Hoseok carried for him and left in his hallway. The bag falls to the side and the black scarf peeks out of the zipper, making Jimin stop in his tracks. With careful movements, as if he was scared to move too fast, he reaches down and grabs the scarf, the soft fabric immediately soothing Jimin’s internal pain somehow. Jimin packed the scarf because he wanted to visit the library today and finally visit Jeongguk for another reason than being in pain.

Seems like that won’t happen today.

Jimin goes straight into his bedroom again and changes into different clothes, deciding for a black jeans and a black hoodie, not caring about a jacket again. He reaches for the scarf and his phone and leaves his house, his feet dragging him into the direction of the library. On his way he realizes what a stupid idea it was again to not wear something thicker and decides to wrap Jeongguk’s scarf around his neck just for the way to the library. The scent of april cotton immediately clouds his mind again and a weird feeling of calmness settles in his stomach.

When Jimin reaches the stairs to the library he runs upwards, trying to escape from the open street as soon as possible since he doesn’t know if San might be at work now and could see him here. Jimin really doesn’t want to see him again. After entering the wooden door and closing it behind him again Jimin finally takes a second to come down and calm his breath, his whole body instantly feeling at ease when he lifts his head and spots a familiar brown haired man behind the counter.

Jeongguk’s head snaps upwards, his eyes locking with Jimin’s and Jimin sees it in the way Jeongguk’s eyes darken that he must be concerned. The younger immediately walks around the counter and towards Jimin, while Jimin still leans against the door, his breath going heavily.

“Hey, are you okay?” Jeongguk asks, voice full of concern and the way his voice feels so calm, so caring, it makes Jimin’s heart skip at least one beat. Jeongguk’s big doe eyes are widened while he waits for Jimin to answer, but the blonde man can’t bring a single word over his lips. Jeongguk keeps a safe distance to not put any pressure on Jimin, trying to only make Jimin feel that he is there for him, no matter what happened. “Do you want to sit down for a minute? Something to drink maybe?”

Jimin only shakes his head and looks up to Jeongguk, his eyes so full of concern and true interest in Jimin that the older doesn’t even know what to feel, what to say, how to react. All of this is too much, the encounter with San and then Jimin really thought coming to the library was a good idea? Didn’t he just scold himself for revealing too much about himself to the younger? That Jeongguk could look right through him even when Jimin tried to hide his true feelings? And now his first instinct was to run exactly into Jeongguk’s arms? Didn’t he want to try to finally live by himself? But maybe Jimin doesn’t need to be alone; not being in love doesn’t mean that he as to be alone. And maybe everyone needs someone to hold on sometimes.

Jimin feels the tears prickle in his eyes again and lowers his head to hide himself from Jeongguk even though it’s useless when the first heartbreaking sob escapes his lips. “I’m sorry, I, I don’t even know why I’m here. I’ll leave again,” Jimin whispers and already turns around, his hand on the handle of the door, but then a soft hand wraps around his wrist and holds him back. Jeongguk’s grip isn’t too rough, actually it’s so gentle that Jimin could easily get out of his hold any second.

“Don’t go,” Jeongguk pleds and Jimin stops in his tracks, his body going lax at Jeongguk’s soft voice. “You don’t have to tell me what happened, but at least let me make you a tea and calm down for a few minutes. Your favorite spot is free and I prepared you some books.”

Jimin’s small body shakes when he sobs again, but he slowly turns around and his wet eyes meet Jeongguk’s again, only whispering a low okay . Jeongguk immediately leads Jimin to his favorite windowsill, making sure that the older arrives there without any problems. He even takes the soft, red blanket from the chair and hands them over to Jimin who hides under the blanket the second he grabs it. Jimin’s gaze falls outside the window again, his thoughts confusing and lost, while Jeongguk prepares Jimin a tea and a few more books if he feels like reading.

“I thought open drinks aren’t allowed here,” Jimin whispers when he sees Jeongguk approaching with a cup of hot, fresh tea. The younger’s cheeks turn a little red at the comment, but he decides to not respond to that. “Actually I just came here to give you your scarf back,” Jimin adds and unwinds the scarf from his neck. When he catches Jeongguk stare at him while doing so Jimin feels a little exposed and embarrassed that he forgot to take the scarf off before entering the library. Hopefully Jeongguk doesn’t think anything weird now.

He holds the scarf towards Jeongguk and it immediately causes a weird feeling in his stomach when the intense scent of april cotton begins to fade when Jeongguk takes the scarf.

“Seems more like there is more behind your visit, but I don’t care why you’re here as long as you’re okay,” Jeongguk smiles and nervously plays with the scarf in his hands. There is a faint smell that comes from the fabric in his hands and Jeongguk immediately recognizes the scent of peaches hanging onto his scarf.

“It’s fine,” Jimin answers, not even trying to hide the lie he’s telling Jeongguk.

“Is it?”

Silence settles between them and Jimin turns his head back to the window, watching the busy street underneath him. Jimin doesn’t know. Actually nothing is fine. Things haven’t been fine for a while and Jimin knows that Jeongguk knows. The younger might not know what exactly isn’t fine, but he knows by the times Jimin appeared here that he hasn’t been fine for a while. Jimin really doesn’t know when things became different between them, when he began to see Jeongguk as someone else than the shy librarian. Jimin always thought Jeongguk was scared to talk to him and kept his distance because he didn't know how to approach him. But now it feels more like Jeongguk knew exactly what he was doing, the way he kept his distance because he knew Jimin needs to be alone. The way he prepared books for Jimin that he knew the older would enjoy. The fact that he stayed longer at the library to grant Jimin a few more minutes in his very own fairy tale.

We lose ourselves in books, but we find ourselves there, too.

What if all this time Jimin only lost himself in those books, but never found himself in there? What if he only tried to be exactly like the characters in those books, but lost himself on the way? What if he missed his own fairy tale passing by while he was too invested in finding real love?

“No. Actually nothing is fine,” Jimin sighs and pulls his legs closer to his chest to put his head on top of his knees. Without another word he hears Jeongguk sitting down on the floor and Jimin can’t help but smile at the small gesture. “Are you really willing to turn this into some Let's-talk-about-all-our-problems-and-everything-will-be-fine-again-lesson?”

“No, but I’m willing to listen to someone who apparently needs someone who listens to him.”

Jimin’s head turns around again at those words and his eyes widen when he looks at Jeongguk who offers the cup of tea to him with a small smile on his lips.

“But if you spill any tea here I’ll make sure to turn this into a I’ll-scold-you-lesson,” the younger chuckles and Jimin can’t help the smile that begins to spread on his face. They both giggle at the dumb comment and Jimin gladly accepts the tea, the warm cup warming his hands while Jeongguk’s calm presence warms his heart.

They spend the whole day talking about random things, Jimin tells him about all the reasons behind his visits at the library and Jeongguk listens to every single word. Jimin was scared that Jeongguk would judge him for all the people he had dated, for all the people who threw him away, but nothing like that happened. Jeongguk found a reason for every person that left Jimin’s life and why it was for the better. Hours fly by like that and at some point they both forget what time it actually is.

“Sometimes fate removes people from your life because it heard conversations that you didn’t hear,” Jeongguk says after Jimin told him the whole story about what San did to him. “Fate removed Solar from your life and it was for the better. Who knows what else could’ve happened with her in your life. And the things San did are fucked up, I don’t deny it, but doesn’t that only mean that you are the strong person here? You overcame the pain while San came crawling back to you for whatever reason. You are so strong,  Jimin. Whatever fate has in store for you, I’m sure it will be wonderful in the end.”

Jimin’s eyes begin to shine at those words while Jeongguk’s hands fumble with the pillow on his lap. The younger always seemed so withdrawn and Jimin really underestimated him, just because Jeongguk barely spoke to him. It turns out that Jeongguk is the smartest person Jimin ever met in his whole life.

“Why are you so nice to me?” Jimin suddenly says and Jeongguk’s eyes widen in surprise.

“Why not?”

“I– I don’t know. It’s something I’m not used to, it’s, weird. Somehow.”

“I can be an asshole, too, if you want me to. Do you want the earlier Mr. Darcy? A man full of pride? I can do that,” Jeongguk smiles brightly and gets up to his feet, positioning himself like the prideful landowner from Jimin’s favorite movie. “ If your feelings are still what they were last April, then tell me so at once. My affections and wishes haven’t changed, but one word from you will silence me forever, ” Jeongguk quotes Mr. Darcy and dramatically holds his hand over his heart before falling to one of his knees, holding his hand out to Jimin. The older can’t help but laugh out loud, his eyes turning into crescents like that and Jeongguk can’t ignore the burning fire it lights inside of his whole body to hear and see this beautiful laugh.

“Stop, you dumbass!” Jimin giggles and holds his hand in front of his mouth to not laugh out too loud since they are still at a library where people enjoy the silence.

“You don’t need to hide your laugh, it’s past 9 pm, there’s no one else here anymore,” Jeongguk says fondly and Jimin checks his phone which makes Jeongguk laugh again. “You really don’t trust me when it comes to the time, huh?”

“I can’t believe time went by so fast. I arrived here when? 1 pm? How has it been eight hours?” Jimin blinks in confusion and checks his phone again, just to make sure. There is no way he spent eight hours talking to Jeongguk, crying over his ex lovers and did exactly all the things he never wanted to do with Hoseok because he doesn’t want to put his own burdens on him. But with Jeongguk it didn’t feel like one; actually it felt like the more Jimin talked, the better he felt. Jeongguk made him feel way better about all those things and Jimin knows Jeongguk can’t erase the memories or turn back time to wipe the slate clean, but with those beautiful brown eyes and his melodic laugh Jimin feels like the past doesn’t even matter anymore.

“Do you want to go home?”, Jeongguk asks and Jimin leans his head against the wall behind him, slowly shaking his head.

“Not yet. I don’t want to be alone right now, is that okay for you?”

“Sure. Wait here, I’ll make some more tea,” the younger remarks and gets up from his spot on the floor and Jimin watches him leave through the huge aisles filled with books. Jimin smiles to himself and hides his face in his hands, clearly not believing what a crazy day it had been. Everything started so good, Jimin had been so happy like he hasn’t been in a long time. Then San showed up and ruined everything and somehow Jimin ended here, in the library, talking and drinking tea with Jeongguk.

Suddenly faint music starts playing in the huge hall and Jimin’s gaze follows the ceiling until he finds some speakers in the corners. He recognizes the track immediately, of course, since it’s “Arrival To Netherfield” from the soundtrack to “Pride and Prejudice” and Jimin can’t help the smile spreading on his lips again. He can’t even count the times anymore that Jeongguk made him smile today.

It takes only a few more seconds until Jeongguk comes back with more tea and fills their cups again.

“Did you turn the music on?”, Jimin asks in confusion. He never thought he’d hear music playing at a library and out of all tracks Jeongguk of course chose one from Jimin’s favorite movie.

“Certainly, sir; and it has the advantage also of being in vogue amongst the less polished societies of the world; every savage can dance,” Jeongguk chuckles and hold his hand out to Jimin, inviting him to a dance while using another quote from Mr. Darcy.

“You don’t really expect me to dance with you right now?”, Jimin asks surprised, but Jeongguk only nods, taking a step closer so Jimin can finally take his hand.

“You told me you’re a dance teacher. And I absolutely suck at dancing, so may I have this dance? Or better, may I have this dance lesson?”, Jeongguk smirks while pulling Jimin closer to him and puts his hand to his waist while Jimin puts his on Jeongguk’s back and then they intertwine Jimin’s right and Jeongguk’s left hand. Jimin can’t help the smile that spreads on his lips again but since Jeongguk holds his hand there is no way he can cover it right now.

The slow music keeps playing in the background and Jimin tells Jeongguk which steps to make, where to put his hand and they end up slowly swinging back and forth through the empty library. They don’t know, and don’t care, how much time passed and that they both have to get up early tomorrow. Right in this moment everything that matters are Jimin and Jeongguk. They lock eyes all the time, Jeongguk’s hand faintly caressing Jimin’s waist while Jimin’s hand meanwhile travelled from Jeongguk’s back to his shoulder, the fabric of Jeongguk’s white turtleneck feeling so soft against Jimin’s skin.

“What happened here?”, Jeongguk asks when his thumb caresses Jimin’s right knuckles where the wounds from earlier are still visible. Jimin sighs and lowers his head in shame. He doesn’t want Jeongguk to think that he is in any way violent, but all of this was too much and his anger just took over him.

“I got mad about the whole situation today and threw my lamp against the wall, then I wanted to get up and stumbled over my blanket and got so mad about it that I, I punched the wall,” he admits lowly but instead of looking creeped out or anything close to that Jeongguk only leads Jimin’s hand closer to his lips. Times seems to stop in that moment when Jeongguk looks at Jimin as asking him for permission. Jimin only stares at him before he slightly nods and Jeongguk reaches forward to carefully kiss the wounds on Jimin’s knuckles. A small gasp escapes Jimin’s throat, but as soon as he felt Jeongguk’s lips against his skin, they are gone just as fast.

“You can’t stop others from hurting you, but at least stop hurting yourself,” Jeongguk whispers and takes Jimin’s hand again to keep dancing with him. The slow music still plays in the background and their bodies are pressed against each other, leading them both to a world they never thought they’d experience. A world like a novel, like a love story. Jimin really thinks he stumbled and knocked himself out, because there was no way a handsome young man just spends the whole evening with him, quotes Mr. Darcy and now they are dancing together. Right?

“Maybe some people need to be protected,” Jimin whispers, referring to the words Jeongguk said the first day they met again after the incident with San and Jeongguk hums at that.

“Maybe everything that happened in the past hurt you, but maybe all of the things that happened to you also led you here, and that’s.. not too bad, is it?”, Jeongguk asks shyly. He really spent the whole evening with Jimin and it was more than Jeongguk could’ve ever wished for. But it’s not enough. Talking to Jimin was like a drug, leading you to want even more. Jimin left Jeongguk breathless and the way the blonde man fits so perfectly into his arms makes Jeongguk believe that there might be fate doing its work. They danced around each other for months and now they are dancing with each other. It had to be a sign, right?

“No, it’s not too bad,” Jimin breathes out and they both turn slightly red at those words.

“It’s late, we should go home,” Jeongguk whispers and Jimin nods, yet none of them stops their slow dance. They keep dancing for a little longer until Jimin leans his head against Jeongguk’s chest, letting the younger guide him through the hall. Nothing Jimin had ever felt, felt as good as this right now. Jimin never fitted so perfectly into someone's arms, never felt so at ease with a man holding him so close and never felt dizzy just by the scent of april cotton. Jimin never wished for time to stop before, but right here, right now Jimin wishes they could be forever.

At some point they finally let go of each other, their hands just slowly letting go so they can get dressed and pack their stuff. Jimin turns around to search for his phone while Jeongguk already grabs the teacups and then they both walk to the counter in the front. Jeongguk places the cups underneath the counter and Jimin whines at least three times about the fact that he could really rinse them out before they leave, but Jeongguk only chuckles at that and slightly shoves Jimin into the direction of the door.

Soon they find themselves leaving the building into the cold night and this time Jeongguk immediately wraps his scarf around Jimin’s neck, keeping him warm.

“You told me not to wait outside in just a shirt when it’s cold but come all the way here only wearing a sweater,” Jeongguk scolds Jimin and the older only rolls his eyes before he lowers his head and pulls the scarf a little higher into his face to smell Jeongguk’s scent even more intensely.

The crossroad where their ways part comes way too early for Jimin’s liking and before they reach this point he becomes slower again, trying to get as much time with Jeongguk as possible.

“Come, I’ll walk you home,” Jeongguk offers and already walks into the direction Jimin normally walks alone, catching the smaller off guard.

“You really don’t have to! Then you have to walk all the way back all by yourself!”, Jimin protest, but Jeongguk only shoves his hands into the pockets of his black coat again and keeps walking. “You are really so stubborn, do you know that? What happened to my shy Jeongguk with the huge glasses?”

“Your shy Jeongguk?”, Jeongguk teases and Jimin nearly chokes on his own saliva at the way Jeongguk emphasizes the word your . Jimin didn’t even mean to make it sound like that!

“See, that’s what I mean. When did you become so bold, you brat?”, Jimin whines and it earns him a beautiful laugh from Jeongguk. It’s not that Jimin is actually mad, it’s more like he enjoys the small fights with Jeongguk since all of it feels so easy with the younger. Jeongguk makes laughing so easy. Jeongguk makes breathing so easy. Jimin isn’t sure how he could never see him. It’s more like Jeongguk had always been there and just slowly became more and more present in Jimin’s life. Actually, when he needed him the most Jeongguk has been there. Without any demand, without any pressure. Jeongguk has been there and it’s all Jimin ever needed.

When they arrive in front of Jimin’s apartment complex it’s already past 1 am and Jimin feels the tiredness slowly creeping up his spine. He makes one step onto the first stair that leads to his front door and then turns around to Jeongguk, grinning at him since he is taller than the younger like that. They stare at each other for a while, the silence between them anything but weird this time. They talked the whole evening and half of the night and it’s great when you can talk to someone. But it’s even greater when you can enjoy silence with someone as well.

“Thank you, again,” Jimin whispers and plays with the end of Jeongguk’s scarf that still hangs from his neck. “For everything. The talking and the tea and, you know, the dance.” Jimin is glad that’s dark outside since he is sure that his whole face is red like Rudolph’s nose right now. Even after dating all those guys and jumping into all those relationships Jimin never felt something like that, something so real, so pure. It felt like experiencing something for the first time.

“Thank you for trusting me,” Jeongguk smiles up to Jimin and slowly pulls his hand out of his pocket, reaching out to Jimin’s face. Jimin’s eyes widen when Jeongguk’s cold thumb brushes against his right cheek, caressing the cold and red skin there. A content sigh leaves Jimin’s lips at the faint touch and it makes Jeongguk smile so beautifully. “I hope you’ll never visit the library again like that.”

Jimin’s breath hitches at those words and his eyes widen in shock. What? Jeongguk only chuckles again, his fingers still caressing Jimin’s cheek, their skins slowly warming up due to the touch.

“I hope you’ll come back because of another reason next time. Not because of the pain,” Jeongguk whispers and only sighs when he finally gets himself to take his hand back. He already misses the way Jimin’s skin feels against his, how lovely he moved when they danced and how perfectly his hand fits in his own.

“I don’t know, maybe I’ll come back because of the tea,” Jimin jokes, his face becoming even more red and Jeongguk giggles at those words while he takes a first step backwards, his eyes still locked with Jimin’s.

“See you soon, Jimin. Have a good night,” he smiles and takes another step, still not ready to turn his back to Jimin. Jeongguk wants so look at him just a little longer.

“Wait! What about your scarf?”

“You can return it the next time you visit the library,” the younger smirks and then turns around, the sound of his shoes echoing through the silent night. Jimin stands on the stairs until he can’t see Jeongguk in the darkness anymore and then decides to finally go up to his apartment.

After Jimin took a shower and finally fell into bed he reaches for his phone, wishing he had asked for Jeongguk’s number. He really wants to text him and ask him if he already arrived home safely. And wish him a good night, too. And a good morning. And ask him what his favorite food is and why he wanted to become a librarian. There are so many things Jimin wants to ask, but somehow he has the feeling that there will still be enough time for them, for him to ask all the things he wants to know.

Jimin makes a mental note to ask for Jeongguk’s number next time, but now he should probably answer Hoseok’s thousand messages first.

Hoseok

Jimin, are you alright?
You didn’t text me the whole day
Should I come over?
Jiminie?
Can you call me when you see this?

Jimin

Sorry, Hyung, I’ve been at the library the whole day
Actually, until now
I’ll tell you everything tomorrow

Hoseok

God, you scared me to death!
I thought something happened to you!
Yeah, you better tell me every small detail tomorrow
Did Jeongguk take good care of you at least?

Jimin

He did
Better than anyone before him
Besides you of course, hyung

Hoseok

Yah, you are a brat
You better get me some coffee tomorrow
or I won’t let you in

Jimin

Ofc best hyung in the world <3

Jimin smiles and puts his phone on “Do Not Disturb” before putting it on his bedside table. Then he sighs and happily curls himself together under his thick blanket and nuzzles into the soft fabric of Jeongguk’s scarf. The mesmerizing scent of april cotton feeling like a warm hug, like a slow dance and a warm tea at a library.

Sleep comes easily like that and when Jimin wakes up the next morning he isn’t sure if yesterday was maybe just a dream, but the black scarf and the scent of april cotton proofs Jimin that all of that indeed happened. Jimin danced with his prince at midnight, the only difference was that Jimin didn’t lose a shoe on his way back home.

“You better spill the tea right fucking now, Mr Park,” Hoseok already yells when Jimin didn’t even really enter the room yet. It’s 8 am and Jimin would lie if he said he isn’t exhausted as fuck, so he not only got Hoseok a coffee, but one for him as well even though Jimin doesn’t even like coffee.

Jimin only laughs when Hoseok runs towards him and grabs his coffee out of Jimin’s hand, looking at the younger with a demanding gaze. Jimin puts his bag to the floor and unwraps the black scarf from his neck before he sits down as well. Class starts at 9 am, so there is enough time to tell Hoseok every small detail of yesterday. Jimin needs to hold himself together to not scream out loud when he remembers the hours he spent together with Jeongguk yesterday. All of it still felt unreal, like a Disney movie and deep down Jimin still is about 10 percent sure that all of this was just a dream after all.

“Well, maybe I have to introduce you to someone soon, hyung,” Jimin smiles brightly and Hoseok’s eyes widen in surprise.

Five months later

“From the very beginning— from the first moment, I may almost say— of my acquaintance with you, your manners, impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as to form the groundwork of disapprobation on which succeeding events have built so immovable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry,” Jeongguk reads out loud while Jimin’s head rests on his shoulder. They are at Jimin’s apartment after they spend another evening together at the library. Jimin can’t even count all the times anymore they spent together there, drinking tea, talking and of course dancing. It became like a little habit, something they never could do enough.

It has been around three months ago that they stood in front of Jimin’s apartment again, Jeongguk walking him home like he did every time in the past months. Jeongguk was about to leave again, disappear into the darkness, that Jimin felt like this wasn't right. He didn’t want Jeongguk to leave and invited him inside. They spent the whole night talking, exchanging shy touches while laying next to each other in Jimin’s bed. With Jeongguk everything felt so different, so right but they decided to take it slow and it was exactly what Jimin needed. He needed the growing trust between them, something to hold onto before he could finally give himself fully to another person again. That’s how the made all of this work.

In all those weeks with Jeongguk Jimin learned how to be his own person, make his own decisions and Jeongguk also taught him how to voice his own concerns, his wishes and boundaries and that he wouldn’t leave him just because they had different opinions from time to time. Jeongguk taught Jimin what it meant to trust someone. They grew closer each day, respecting each other and like that, a beautiful love began to grow inside the both of them.

Right now Jimin feels happier than he ever felt before. With Jeongguk’s soft voice reading from his favorite book, his head on his shoulder and him drawing small circles on Jeongguk’s chest. Everything feels so right, as if everything finally fell into place. Maybe Jeongguk was right with what he said at their first night together; all of Jimin’s pain, all of his hardships led him to this exact place. Made him go to the library again and again, making him realize that he had been searching for love in the wrong places, fading into love stories, while his own fairy tale had been right in front of him all the time.

But Jeongguk had been patient, he waited as long as it was necessary for Jimin to realize who Jeongguk really was, what he could be for him.

In the background some faint music plays from Jimin’s speakers and it’s just when one of Jeongguk’s favorite songs comes on that he puts the book to the side and wraps his arms around the smaller man to pull him on top of him. Jimin lets out a small squeak at the sudden show of strength and looks down to Jeongguk who just smiles at him as if he looks at the most beautiful person he has ever seen. They have been in a position like that many times before, Jimin cuddled into Jeongguk’s arms or Jimin lazily laying on top of him, just enjoying each other’s presence, but today it feels different. They both felt it for a while now that their touches became different, less shy, but something more. More meaningful maybe?

At a specific part of the song Jeongguk can’t hold himself back and whispers the lyrics along with the song while he keeps his eyes locked with Jimin’s and caresses his soft skin on his cheek. “ You should know, I'm ready when you're ready for me, And I'm waiting for the right time, For the day I catch your eye, To let you know, That I'm yours to hold. ”

Jimin’s eyes begin to sting at the lyrics and it’s right in that moment that he just knows , he knows that Jeongguk is the person he waited for all this time. The one that makes him believe in true love and that good things happen when you wait for them. There are so many things Jimin feels when he looks at Jeongguk, so many things that make his heart jump and his skin tickle.

Jimin feels overwhelmed whenever he looks at the younger and after five long months of being close, but not really close enough, Jimin feels like he is ready. Ready to give his last piece to Jeongguk, for the younger to keep it close to his heart and hopefully never break it. Jimin feels that he is ready, and Jeongguk feels it, too.

There is a shift in the air, the room somehow becoming hotter when Jimin locks his eyes with Jeongguk, but can’t help but let his gaze drop to Jeongguk’s lips. Jimin feels his breath hitch, too scared to move a single muscle, but when Jeongguk gifts him a small, encouraging smile he slowly lowers his head. From the very beginning on they agreed that they would do this at Jimin’s pace and Jeongguk promised to never do anything Jimin might not want. The younger keeps that promise even now and doesn’t move a bit, letting Jimin decide if he really wants to take this next step in their relationship.

Jimin lowers his head further, waiting for any reaction from Jeongguk, but the younger’s doe, brown eyes only drop to Jimin’s lips and it feels like time stands still again. Jimin feels his heart hammering against his chest, but keeps going until their lips nearly touch, Jeongguk’s hot breath tickling his own lips. They never went that far since they both want to be sure about all of this, they really want to make this work and both worked hard to make the other see what they mean to each other. Jeongguk had been so patient all this time and never pressured Jimin into something he doesn’t want. But now Jimin wants . He wants all of Jeongguk and he finally wants to know how it feels to be loved. To belong to someone.

“Are you sure?”, Jeongguk whispers against Jimin’s lips and it makes the older smile how thoughtful Jeongguk is. It only makes the want in Jimin’s body grow even more.

“I’ve never been so sure in my whole life,” Jimin answers and finally makes the last step and presses his lips against Jeongguk’s. It’s like a firework exploding inside of the both of them, adrenaline is shooting through their veins and Jeongguk lets out a satisfied sigh when their lips keep brushing against each other. Jimin puts his hand on Jeongguk’s right cheek while the younger wraps his arms tighter around Jimin’s body on top of him. Their lips keep caressing each other, sending a shiver down Jimin’s spine and it’s a feeling that Jimin can’t even explain.

Jeongguk’s hand reaches up to the back of Jimin’s hand on his cheek, holding him as close as possible to keep tasting Jimin’s sweet lips. They keep kissing each other until they are out of breath and Jeongguk is the first to break apart, gasping for air. “Jimin,” he whispers and closes his eyes, while Jimin leans his forehead against Jeongguk’s. In all those past weeks it wasn’t only Jimin who learned new things. Jimin took Jeongguk to the dance studio with him where they spent hours dancing, Jimin taught him how to be less shy around new people, taught him how to cook and it felt like Jeongguk was entering a whole new world with Jimin. Jimin became more than a crush from afar, he became Jeongguk’s happiness, his anchor and shoulder to lean on since Jeongguk had his own hardships as well.

“Jimin, I know we said we’d do this on your pace,” Jeongguk swallows heavily and then finally gathers the courage to open his eyes and look up to Jimin, “But I want you to know what I feel and I–”

“I love you, too, Jeongguk,” Jimin whispers and Jeongguk eyes widen at the confession, clearly not expecting to hear those words from Jimin. He was scared to voice his feelings for a long time, scared that Jimin might not be ready yet, but today Jimin was the one who took the next step. Jeongguk couldn’t hold it back any longer.

“Fuck, you have no idea how fast my heart beats right now,” Jeongguk gasps and lets out a relieved chuckle. Happily he lifts his head to place a quick kiss to Jimin’s lips, the older tasting even better not after the confession. “You’ll kill me someday if you continue being this adorable.”

Jimin only snorts at those words and lowers his head again, “Stop talking,” he whispers and presses his lips against Jeongguk’s to make him shut up. Their lips find their way against each other easily, finding a perfect rhythm that leaves both of them soon wanting more.

Slowly their careful kisses turn into harsher movements, something more wanting, more demanding and soon Jimin licks over Jeongguk’s bottom lip, asking the younger to open his mouth. Jeongguk happily does so and slowly nudges his tongue against Jimin’s. They make out like that while their hands keep discovering each other’s bodies and soon Jeongguk’s hand roam underneath Jimin’s shirt. Well, actually it’s Jeongguk’s shirt, but after Jeongguk’s scarf, half of his hoodies and even some of his sneakers Jimin also started to sneak Jeongguk’s shirts out of his apartment. Not that Jeongguk cares at all, actually he loves seeing his boyfriend wearing his huge clothes.

“Can I?”, Jeongguk asks, his lips still brushing against Jimin’s since he doesn’t want to be even one second away from Jimin. The older nods and helps Jeongguk to undress him, just to get rid of Jeongguk’s own shirt afterwards as well. Jimin’s hand immediately start wandering over Jeongguk’s chest while his lips find Jeongguk’s again. The younger’s fingertips keep brushing over Jimin’s back and his ribcage, making goosebumps rise all over his body.

They take their sweet time touching and kissing each other, showing the other how much they care, how much they want each other.

It’s Jimin who becomes a little impatient and reaches between their bodies to fumble with Jeongguk’s sweatpants, clumsily trying to get him undressed. Jeongguk breaks the kiss since he has to chuckle and lifts his hips to help Jimin get rid of his pants as well as his boxershorts. They have to change their position for a while so Jeongguk can undress Jimin as well, his soft hands slowly pulling Jimin’s pants and boxerhorts down so he can throw them to the side. Their naked bodies collide with each other as soon as Jimin climbs onto Jeongguk again, making both of them let out a low groan.

Jimin places a chaste kiss to Jeongguk’s lips before he kissed down his jawline to his neck, leaving small bites here and there before he continues onto his collarbone until he finally reaches Jeongguk’s nipple. Carefully Jimin licks at the nub, earning a hiss from his boyfriend. Encouraged by the sweet sound, Jimin keeps licking over Jeongguk’s nipple and slightly bites it from time to time. Jeongguk arches his back at the feeling and places his hand into Jimin’s hair, slowly caressing his scalp. They both don’t know each other’s boundaries in bed so they slowly keep testing what the other might like, always aware to not do too much.

“Fuck,” Jeongguk hisses when Jimin bites a little harder on his nipple before he lets go of it and keeps kissing his way down to Jeongguk’s toned stomach and his lower belly, his nose nuzzling over Jeongguk’s beautiful V-line until his cock comes into view. Jeongguk lifts his head to watch every single one of Jimin’s movements, but when Jimin looks up to him, his eyes hooded and filled with want Jeongguk can’t do shit besides letting out a weak moan at the sight.

Jimin feels his own cock harden at the sight of Jeongguk’s length and the thought of having him inside of him soon. All of this feels way more intimate and every touch feels like it’s burned right into Jimin’s skin. This isn’t like a quick fuck or a one night stand, because it feels different when you trust each other. Or mostly, when you love each other.

“So pretty,” Jimin hums and gives Jeongguk’s cock a first lick which makes the younger squirm underneath him. He only hums again and repeats the action just to watch Jeongguk’s cock twitch at that. With a knowing grin Jimin takes his cock into his hand and squeezes at the base while he attaches his lips to the head, wrapping his lips around it. The first moan Jeongguk lets out when Jimin sinks down on him sends a shiver over Jimin’s whole body. It encourages him even more, though. Jimin lowers his head until he feels the head inside of his throat, swallowing around it and earning another groan from the other. Jimin works his head up and down again, his tongue pressed against Jeongguk’s length just to feel his cock twitch in his mouth. The grip of Jeongguk’s hand in his hair becomes tighter the faster Jimin bobs his head up and down, just like Jeongguk’s moans become louder with each passing second.

“Oh god, fuck, Jimin,” Jeongguk breathes out and grabs his own hair with his other hand. It’s hard to not thrust his hips up and fuck Jimin’s throat, but they never talked about it before so he holds himself back and maybe he enjoys Jimin being like that a little too much, so bold, making Jeongguk take whatever he decides to give him. Jimin’s tongue swirls around his cock again and again, Jimin’s hot throat feeling way too good around him, Jeongguk isn’t sure if he lasts long when he gets to fuck him later. Let alone the thought of Jimin’s tight walls swallowing him makes him nearly come.

Meanwhile Jimin jerks him off with his hand, trying to catch his breath and Jeongguk makes the mistake to lift his head again and look at the blonde sin between his legs. The sight he‘s presented with makes him let out a loud moan, Jimin’s lips even puffier than normal, precum making them glisten and his expression is already so fucked out Jeongguk could come at the sight alone. It’s nearly embarrassing how fucked up his stamina is, but who can blame him with someone like Jimin in bed.

Jimin adds more pressure to Jeongguk’s cock, squeezing it in his hand and Jeongguk swears he sees stars. 

“Okay, stop, please. I’ll come if you keep doing that,” Jeongguk whines and Jimin gifts him a wicked smile, jerking him off a few more times, Jeongguk thrusting his hips up to fuck into Jimin’s hand. “Ah, fuck, fuck,” Jeongguk’s groans when he’s close to his climax but Jimin takes his hand away right when he’s about to come. Jeongguk’s body drops back onto the mattress as if some shot him and he pants loudly, his forehead already sticky due to the sweat.

“I stopped, stop looking at me like that,” Jimin smirks and leans forward to press another sweet kiss onto Jeongguk’s lips. Instead of answering Jeongguk wraps his hands around Jimin’s back, presses him close against his body and jerks his hips up again, making their cocks rub against each other and Jimin moan out loud.

“That’s what I wanted to hear,” Jeongguk whispers seductively and with a swift move he turns them both around and presses Jimin with his back against the mattress. Now that Jeongguk hovers over him he can’t stop the smile spreading on his lips when he thinks about all the things he wants to do to Jimin, make him fall apart underneath him. But mostly he wants Jimin to feel good. Feel loved and protected. Jeongguk once promised him to always take care of him and that’s exactly what he will do now.

Jeongguk places soft kisses all over Jimin naked body, from his face to his shoulders, down his arms and his chest, his ribcage and his beautiful belly. Jeongguk kisses him everywhere, on his thighs, his knees, worshipping every centimeter of Jimin’s stunning body while he keeps whispering praises all the time. Jimin had been through so much, suffered from people using and just playing with him. Jeongguk hates every single person that ever caused Jimin pain, but he is here to make it better now. To show Jimin what true loves feels like. Jeongguk leans over Jimin again to press another chaste kiss to his lips and when Jimin smiles into their soft kiss Jeongguk swears his heart will break through his ribs within the next two seconds. Jeongguk is sure he will never get bored of kissing Jimin.

“So beautiful,” Jeongguk whispers against his lips, “breathtaking”, another kiss, “pretty, handsome, mesmerizing,” each word highlighted with a kiss to Jimin’s lips until the older can’t stop the pout forming on his lips.

“Stooop, you’re embarrassing,” Jimin whines and Jeongguk can’t help but kiss his boyfriend again.

“You just sucked my cock and now I’m embarrassing for praising you? You’re really something else, Park Jimin,” Jeongguk chuckles and earns a light punch against his shoulder from the smaller.

“What about you getting me off as well? A praise won’t bring me to an orgasm,” he complains and Jeongguk only raises an eyebrow.

“Are you sure about that? I’m pretty sure you’re developing a praise kink. Watch me getting you off by calling you my pretty baby only,” Jeongguk teases while he reaches down for Jimin’s cock and wraps his hand around it. The precum makes the slide easy and Jeongguk works his hand up and down while he watches Jimin close his eyes and furrow his eyebrows in pleasure. “My pretty baby, my love,” Jeongguk continues while he jerks Jimin off, the smaller groaning at the pressure on his cock and, yes, the damn praises. But that’s something he won’t admit any time soon.

Jeongguk presses his lips against Jimin’s, his tongue sliding into his wet mouth while Jimin can’t stop the moans slipping from his throat. Jeongguk bites down on Jimin’s bottom lip before he sucks on it, letting it drop from his teeth just to kiss it again afterwards. God, Jimin’s lips are a sin, Jeongguk could write poems about them.

Jimin throws his hands above his head, trying to hold onto the headboard while Jeongguk gets up to kneel between Jimin’s legs. Jeongguk keeps jerking him off, but decides to mix it with some small licks over the head of Jimin’s cock which make Jimin shake underneath him.

“W-What are you doing?”, Jimin breathes out and Jeongguk immediately stops in his tracks, looking up to Jimin with concern in his eyes. Did he do something wrong? Did he pass a limit without noticing it?

“Uhm, sucking you off, I guess? Do you not want me to?”, Jeongguk asks with huge, doe eyes and Jimin swears Jeongguk is a fucking enigma. How can one person be such a fucking tease just to look at him like fucking Bambi the next second?

“No, I mean, yes, I do want you to. It’s just that.. you know,” Jimin stops and looks away, clearly uncomfortable right now. Jeongguk crawls over him again so he can look him in the eyes, but Jimin avoids his gaze.

“It’s just what?”

“Ugh, no one ever sucked me off before. I’ve always been the one to do that, not the other way around,” Jimin admits and Jeongguk feels his heart drop at those words. He stares at Jimin for mere seconds, the words hard to process right now. But instead of making it a huge thing and make his boyfriend even more uncomfortable Jeongguk decides to let the topic go and show Jimin what apparently only he is willing to give him. Fuck all those dudes who think only the bottom part should suck their partner off. Jeongguk would gladly suck Jimin off any time of the day, god, he’d even let Jimin fuck him if that’s his wish.

Jeongguk places another small kiss on Jimin’s lips before he kneels back between his legs and lowers his head again. “I’ll make you feel so good, I’ll give you whatever you want,” Jeongguk whispers against Jimin’s cock before he pushes his tongue into the slit, tasting some of Jimin’s precum. Jimin’s reaction is immediate and the sounds he make are so fucking sinful, Jeongguk can’t get enough of it. The younger keeps teasing Jimin for a while until he finally lowers his head down and swallows Jimin’s length, sucking him off like he deserves.

Jimin’s whole body shakes at the unknown pleasure and he bends his slim, but well built body unknowingly in the most beautiful ways. Ways that drive Jeongguk crazy. 

Jeongguk knows how to work his way around Jimin's cock, from jerking him off at the base while licking at the head, to swallowing him whole until his nose hits Jimin's lower abdomen. With every movement of Jeongguk's head Jimin loses himself more and more, clearly overwhelmed by the feeling of Jeongguk's hot mouth around him and the way he teases him with his tongue.

"Gguk, I–," Jimin stutters and accidentally thrusts his hips up, making Jeongguk choke. But instead of stopping it turns Jeongguk on even more, and he lets out a pleased groan when he feels Jimin's cock twitch in his mouth. Jeongguk takes a few more sweet seconds to let his tongue travel over Jimin's length before he slowly pulls his head back, releasing Jimin's hard cock from his mouth. "No, why'd you stop? I've been so close."

Jeongguk swears he could die at the view of Jimin pouting and gives his cock another teasing lick which makes Jimin's body shake.

“Can you give me the lube, angel? I'll make you feel even better, I promise”, Jeongguk asks while his hand keeps slowly rubbing over Jimin’s hard cock. Jimin’s hand reaches over to the nightstand, shaking fingers slowly opening the drawer where he keeps lube and condoms. Weakly Jimin throws both things towards Jeongguk, his body feeling lax at the constant pressure of Jeongguk’s hand on his cock. “I’ll prep you now, okay?” Jeongguk makes sure and waits until Jimin tells him that he’s okay with it.

Jeongguk smears a generous amount of lube on his fingers and rubs his fingers against each other, trying to warm the liquid a little so it’s not too cold against Jimin’s skin. Jeongguk looks up to Jimin, the blonde man’s eyes already on him. Jimin seems nervous somehow and it doesn’t sit right with Jeongguk, so he leans over him again and connects their lips while Jeongguk circles his first finger around Jimin’s rim. Carefully he pushes the single finger through the ring of muscles, making Jimin moan into his mouth. “It’s okay, I’m here, I won’t leave you,” Jeongguk whispers against his lips, taking that exact fear away from Jimin. Jimin visibly relaxes underneath him and Jeongguk keeps kissing him as a sign that he is here . That he will always be here.

Jeongguk carefully opens Jimin like that, circling his finger inside of him until the older begins to squirm under him and pressing his ass firmer against Jeongguk’s hand. He gets the sign and adds another finger, Jimin’s moan definitely louder this time. He keeps kissing Jimin all the time while he whispers small praises against his lips, swallowing each of Jimin’s beautiful moans. It doesn’t take long until Jimin asks for a third finger, a wish that Jeongguk obviously grants him. With three fingers deep inside of him Jeongguk opens the smaller up, the sounds Jimin make going straight down to Jeongguk’s own cock.

“Y-You can,” Jimin moans, his forehead sweaty and his hands pressed against Jeongguk’s back. Jeongguk watches his every movement, the way Jimin’s eyes search for his, how full of lust they are, the way he lifts his body from the mattress, asking for more. Jeongguk will give him all of it.

Slowly Jeongguk pulls his fingers out and rips the condom open to roll it into his hard cock. Then he gets some more lube to prepare his cock and lines it up with Jimin’s clenching hole. When Jeongguk hovers over him and pushes his hips forward his cock catches on Jimin’s rim and makes the older moan out loud. Jimin’s hands immediately reach around Jeongguk’s body and his fingernails drag across the hot skin. Slowly Jeongguk pushes forward until he bottoms out, his head dropping against Jimin’s shoulder while he waits for Jimin to adjust to the stretch. Jeongguk slowly nibbles on Jimin’s earlobe, trying to calm him down like that. “Are you okay?”

“ It’s fine, ” Jimin whispers and Jeongguk can hear the small smile in his words. They stay in that position for a while, Jeongguk’s heavy pants filling the air, yet nothing about Jeongguk feels like he is pressuring Jimin and it makes his heart skip another beat. This is exactly where Jimin wants to be, where he belongs. What he always dreamed about. A love that feels free, easy, light. “You can move, baby.”

And Jeongguk does. He gets up on his hands so he can look down to Jimin and pulls out a little, just to slam back into Jimin’s tight hole right after. The face Jimin makes is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen and the way he throws his head back into the pillow with a loud moan encourages Jeongguk even more. He keeps a slow pace to not hurt Jimin, but it doesn’t take long until Jimin begs for more, begs Jeongguk to go harder and that’s something Jimin doesn’t have to ask for twice. Jeongguk increases the pace and thrusts into Jimin, the obscene sound of skin against skin filling the room. Jimin’s fingers scratch over Jeongguk’s back due to the incredible drag of his cock against his tight walls and Jimin doesn’t know what to feel, what to think. There’s only Jeongguk, Jeongguk, Jeongguk.

“Ah, Gguk, please,” Jimin begs while Jeongguk bites down on his neck, sucking a beautiful lilac spot onto Jimin’s pale skin. Jeongguk lifts Jimin’s legs up and bends them over his boyfriend, his breath hitching at the fact how flexible Jimin is. Fucking dance teachers, Jeongguk has to make sure to visit Jimin at his studio more often. The new angle allows Jeongguk to force his cock even deeper into Jimin’s hole, abusing his prostate with every harsh thrust. The noises that leave Jimin’s lips are so hot it drives Jeongguk furious and it sounds like music in his ears. 

Jimin’s cock lays painfully hard against his stomach and Jeongguk can’t help himself but reach for it, pumping it in his hand. It’s embarrassing how close he already is, but he can’t help it. He feels the pressure building in his lower stomach and with each of Jimin’s moans it pushes him closer to the edge.

“‘M close,” Jimin whines and Jeongguk sees a single tear rolling down his cheek. He lets go of Jimin’s legs and his cock to reach forward and kiss the tear away. He slots their lips together again, their tongues pressing against each other in a heated kiss.

“I got you, I’m here,” Jeongguk mumbles against Jimin’s lips, keeping up the pace of his hips. Jimin feels his body moving on his own due to the drag of Jeongguk’s cock against his prostate, making him feel like he is floating. Jimin’s hand are all over Jeongguk’s back, his shoulder blades until he grabs Jeongguk by his dark brown hair, holding the younger as close as possible while his orgasm builds deep inside of him.

It takes a few more hard thrusts of Jeongguk into Jimin, his cock dragging against Jimin’s prostate again and again and Jeongguk notices how Jimin’s walls continuously clench around him. With a loud scream of Jeongguk’s name Jimin spills between their bodies and his eyes roll back into his head at the sudden hit of his orgasm. Jeongguk grabs Jimin’s thighs harshly, forcing his cock into him for one, two more thrusts until he comes as well, spilling into the condom while Jimin’s name falls from his lips like a mantra.

Jeongguk collapses on Jimin’s body and they both pant so loudly, it fills the whole room. They need a few minutes to come down from their high and Jeongguk is the first to move again. He pushes himself upwards to not crash Jimin underneath him and looks at the smaller man with concern. “How are you feeling? Are you okay?”

Jeongguk is always so caring and makes sure Jimin is fine and it warms Jimin’s heart like nothing else. Jimin only nods, too tired to speak and places a soft kiss against Jeongguk’s shoulder. In return Jeongguk places one on his forehead. “I’ll pull out now,” Jeongguk warns and Jimin only sighs, preparing for the weird feeling of being empty. Too empty, and lonely. But this time things are different, because Jimin isn’t lonely. Jeongguk won’t leave him.

Jeongguk gets up and pulls Jimin into his arms, walking into the bathroom while carrying him in his arms. Jimin is too tired to protest when Jeongguk gets in the shower with him and washes his body and his hair, massaging his scalp while doing so. Jeongguk hurries up so he can get Jimin into bed as soon as possible, only rubbing a towel over Jimin’s wet hair after getting out of the shower and wrapping him into it afterwards. Jimin lets Jeongguk do whatever he wants, enjoying every small gesture, getting lost in the feeling of someone taking care of him.

After a few more minutes they are finally in bed again, Jimin cuddling against Jeongguk chest while the taller has his arms wrapped around him, holding him close. Jimin lets out a satisfied sigh when Jeongguk kisses his temple and pulls the blanket over their naked bodies.

“You know truly I love you, right?”, Jeongguk mumbles against Jimin’s wet hair and sees how the older’s face becomes red at those words. It’s cute how Jimin reacts so shyly to any compliment or Jeongguk showing his affection, but they will work on it and Jeongguk will make sure that Jimin someday will accept his compliments just like that.

“Mh, I’m not sure. Maybe you have to tell me again,” Jimin whispers against Jeongguk’s chest just to feel Jeongguk’s body shake from his laugh.

“I love you,” Jeongguk repeats and kisses Jimin’s temple again. This time Jimin lets out a content sigh, nuzzling against Jeongguk’s neck to inhale his calming, fresh scent.

“Again,” Jimin giggles after a while and places a sweet kiss on Jeongguk’s neck.

“You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you,” Jeongguk whispers and Jimin swears he could die right now. Jeongguk just quoted Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice again and it warms his heart more than anything else. Maybe this is what true love feels like, what protection and trust feel like. Jimin was right when he felt like with Jeongguk all of his past meant nothing, because with Jeongguk by his side the only things that matter are the present and the future.

Jimin turns in Jeongguk’s hold so his back is pressed against Jeongguk’s chest. Like that Jimin feels at peace and can look at the beautiful bouquet of flowers on the nightstand, a present Jeongguk placed on his favorite spot at the library a few days ago. Only this time Jeongguk left a card with something more than just a ‘J’ on it.

It had always been Jeongguk for Jimin.

“To be fond of dancing was a certain step towards falling in love.” 
― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

the end.