Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

☾

“Jungkook!”

The tiny pup startles, dropping the stones he had been collecting along the river’s edge. He’d been caught up in his thoughts, fascinated by the shimmering scales of the fish swimming just beneath the surface. The fish were so fast; despite how hard Jungkook tries to touch one, they always swam just out of reach.

He turns his back to the river, clambering over rocks and under low hanging branches to make his way back to the disassembled camp of his pack. All that is left are the remnants of their fires. His mother is waiting impatiently, arms crossed over her chest and Jungkook’s pack resting on the ground by her feet.

“Where were you?” She snaps. “Do you think we have the luxury of making Alpha wait for us? Why don’t you ever listen?”

Jungkook ducks his head, digging his bare toes into the dirt. “I’m sorry Umma.”

She sighs, nudging Jungkook’s pack. “Let’s go. We have a long way to walk today.”

“Okay Umma,” Jungkook says, reaching down for his pack. He slips the one stone he’d kept a hold of into the front pocket; it was golden, glossy, and it sparkled in the sunlight as he’d turned it over and examined the smooth edges. He liked it because it reminded him of his own eye colour – a warm gold that even his Umma said was pretty. Jungkook was the only wolf in his pack with golden eyes.

He shrugs his pack on, huffing a little bit at the weight, but he doesn’t complain. He sticks his skinny arms through the straps, and falls in line behind his Umma. He keeps pace with her, stepping into the footprints she leaves behind, watching his tiny feet leave their own prints like miniscule copies of his Umma’s.

Far in front of them, Alpha has begun the move, and the rest of the pack follow. They cross fields and forests, climb up the sides of mountains and down into ravines. Jungkook shivers as they cross cold rivers, clinging onto his Umma’s pack in an attempt to stand strong against the river’s tide. He is too small to touch the bottom of the riverbed, and he turns to watch the other pups who have climbed up onto their Umma’s backs too. He sees a few of his littermates, but he doesn’t bother waving. They don’t get along.

A sudden shout startles him, and he twists around the find the source.

There!

He spots the flash of arms down river; someone has been swept away by the tide. One of the omegas is screaming, trying to wade through the water to catch them. “Alpha!” she shrieks. “Alpha, help!”

Alpha doesn’t move. He stands on a rock overlooking the river, dark eyes scanning the scene below him, indifferent. Jungkook hunches down, burying himself into his Umma’s back, in an attempt to hide from Alpha’s gaze. Alpha scares him more than anything else.

“Weak,” Alpha says. The arms of whoever it was have disappeared now, the rush of water completely covering their packmate, as if they never existed to begin with. “I don’t like weakness in my pack.”

Jungkook’s Umma climbs out of the river, and Jungkook slides down from her back, standing on weak legs and shivering from more than just the cold. His Umma is silent as she wrings out her wet clothes, and Jungkook copies her.

“You’re not weak, Jungkook,” his Umma says to him, staring down at the young pup with a warning in her eyes. “You will never be weak.”

“Yes Umma,” he says dutifully.

☽

They find their new home, at least for the next little while after passing through a field with grass almost as tall as Jungkook. He reaches out with a hand to feel the tips of the grass with his palms; he giggles at the ticklish sensation.

They pass under the canopy of trees to a vast area of soft forest floor, sounds muffled by the bed of pine needles on the ground. It feels soft under Jungkook’s bare feet.

The pack moves quickly, setting up camp, digging out the firepits and marking them with large rocks, collecting firewood and water from the nearby lake. Jungkook is too small to help his Umma set up their tent, so he makes quick work of digging out their own small firepit, plodding into the woods around them to collect smaller sticks for kindling.

“What a good pup,” a warm voice says.

“Seokjin-hyung!”

Jungkook nearly drops all of the sticks he’d been stacking by rolling up the bottom of his shirt for a hastily made pocket. He looks up at the tall omega he’s known forever; Seokjin is five years older than him and the most beautiful person he knows. Even more beautiful than his Umma, even though he knows better than to say that out loud.

At ten, Seokjin is allowed to do far more activities than Jungkook, and the basket of berries he is carrying is already half full. Jungkook is jealous, because collecting sticks was boring. He had to stay close to the forest floor all the time, instead of looking at pretty things like berries and flowers.

Though he supposes that Seokjin still isn’t allowed to do much – he is an omega after all.

Seokjin smiles down at him, seems to immediately understand Jungkook’s pout. “Want to come with me? I still need help gathering some flowers.”

“Yes!” Jungkook exclaims, jumping up and down on his feet. “Wait for me here!”

He takes off, zooming back to camp to dump the sticks by the side of their tent. His Umma is chatting with another omega, and Jungkook pants in exertion as he stands by her side, waiting for her attention.

She raises her eyebrows. “What is it?”

“Can I go with Seokjin-hyung to help him collect flowers?” Jungkook asks, so excited he is nearly vibrating on the spot. “I already got all the sticks, look!” He points to the pile he’d built up.

His Umma examines the pile, then turns back to him. There is little chance of her saying no – she loves Seokjin. Everybody does. He’s the perfect omega, even at only ten. Everybody says so. Seokjin is the pride of the pack.

“Fine,” she acquiesces. “But be back before dinner. If you’re late, you’re not eating.”

“Yes Umma!” Jungkook says, and then races back into the forest, the feathered earrings dangling from his ears bouncing with every step.

Seokjin hasn’t moved from where Jungkook had left him, snacking daintily on some of the berries he’d found. It stains his fingertips and his lips a berry red, but just like everything else he does, it is delicate, gentle. It is why Jungkook adores him so much – he is the only gentle thing Jungkook knows. Plus, he gives the best hugs.

They take off together, Seokjin stepping gracefully over dead branches and loose rocks, Jungkook stomping his way through the underbrush, scaring off small prey.

Seokjin leads him out to a small grove bordered by the forest on all sides. The sunlight is warm on their faces, and the tall stems of wildflowers sway in the gentle breeze. Jungkook follows Seokjin as the older boy kneels down and begins tugging at the flowers, bunching them into bouquets before setting them into his basket. Jungkook can only watch; he doesn’t know anything about flowers besides how pretty they are and how nice they smell. It isn’t an alpha’s job anyway.

“Did you make sure to stay close to your Umma during the walk today?” Seokjin asks.

“Yes,” Jungkook says dutifully. “I walked with her the whole time.”

“Good,” Seokjin murmurs. “The forest can be dangerous, especially for little pups like you.”

“I’m not a pup!” Jungkook exclaims, puffing up his chest and trying to stand taller than he is. “I’m almost six, hyung!”

Seokjin laughs, a sweet smile on his lips and it makes Jungkook smile too. “Oh, I’m sorry. You’re right, you’re almost six.”

“That’s when I can start learning how to be a real alpha,” Jungkook informs Seokjin. “I’ll learn how to hunt and how to fight. I’ll learn how to protect omegas.”

“Hmm,” Seokjin hums in neither agreement nor disagreement. “Well, who protects you, Jungkookie?”

Jungkook can’t help but laugh; that’s the funniest thing Seokjin’s ever said, and Seokjin says a lot of funny things. “Hyung,” he says. “No one protects an alpha, that’s the alpha’s job. I don’t need protecting.”

“Ah,” Seokjin says softly. “I guess you’re right. Only…”

“Only what?” Jungkook asks curiously. He looks up at Seokjin, wide-eyed, and then Seokjin smiles down at him, ruffling his hair.

“Nothing,” the omega says. “You’re such a cute pup, Jungkookie. It’s okay if hyung wants to protect you, right?”

“Hyung,” Jungkook protests, but nevertheless he feels pleased. Seokjin is his favourite person, after all, and sometimes he likes to believe he is Seokjin’s favourite person too. “You’re an omega. You can’t protect me.”

“Well, I can try, can’t I?” Seokjin asks. “I protected you from that bunny that scared you.”

“Hyung!” Jungkook squawks. “It came out of nowhere! That wasn’t my fault.”

Seokjin laughs. “Whatever you say, bun.”

Jungkook pouts, but he’s not angry. He’s never really angry with Seokjin. He loves the older omega too much. “I guess it’s fine,” he mutters.

“Hmm?”

“It’s okay if it’s you,” Jungkook says. “Protecting me, I mean. But don’t tell anyone.”

“Yeah?” Seokjin asks. He seems more pleased than Jungkook had anticipated, and now Jungkook feels even better for saying yes. “Pinky promise?”

Jungkook reaches out to wrap his pinky around Seokjin’s. “Pinky promise.”

He leaves Seokjin’s side then, chasing a butterfly around the grove until he’s panting for breath and has to stop, and then he makes his way back to Seokjin, stopping to collect flowers on the way. He presents the bouquet to Seokjin when he gets back to the omega’s side, preening at Seokjin’s praise.

“Oh, Jungkookie,” Seokjin says. “Look at what you found.”

Jungkook blinks down at the bouquet. It’s a mess of flowers, and he looks up at Seokjin in confusion.

Seokjin grins. He pulls out one of the flowers, twirling it between his fingers. “It’s a tiger lily, bunny. Your birth flower.”

“My birth flower?” Jungkook repeat. “I have one?”

“Everyone does, silly,” Seokjin giggles. “Do you want to know what it means?”

“Yes!”

“Please love me,” Seokjin hums. “It’s a very beautiful meaning.”

“If you say so, hyung.”

He joins Seokjin to sit cross legged on the grass as the omega starts twisting and tying the flowers from his bouquet into a flower crown, placing it on his own head before making a smaller version for Jungkook.

“Hyung,” Jungkook says, a little more embarrassed this time. “I’m not an omega.”

“Flowers aren’t only for omegas, Jungkookie,” Seokjin tells him. “You used to like them so much.”

Jungkook shrugs. The last time he’d started collecting flowers, the other alpha pups had made fun of him for it. He’d been pushed down into the mud, and his flowers had been stomped on. When he’d gone back home dirty and crying, his Umma had gotten mad at how he’d ruined his clothes. He’d gotten a spanking for it, because she’d had to wash his clothes down in the river.

“Come on,” Seokjin says then, collecting his basket. “We’re done.”

“Can we stay a little bit longer?” Jungkook asks before he can stop himself. He doesn’t want to go back yet, back to their pack.

Seokjin’s shoulder wilt, a little bit. “I wish we could,” he says quietly. “But if we stay any longer, we’ll be late for dinner.”

“Okay,” Jungkook agrees, still pouting a little bit, pushing himself up to his feet. He offers to carry Seokjin’s basket, but the older omega gives him a gentle smile and then pats his head.

“You’re going to be an amazing alpha,” Seokjin tells him. “I know it. The best alpha to come out of this pack.”

“Thanks, hyung,” Jungkook whispers. He’s left the rest of the flowers behind, but he still carries the tiger lily with him, his tiny thumb brushing over the spotted petals.

Please love me

He wonders why those words feel so heavy.

☾

Jungkook’s sixth birthday begins with a cool September morning and the chirping of birds. He wakes from his sleep quickly, eager to celebrate.

“Umma,” he says. “Umma!”

He leans over, but she is still asleep. He hesitates, and then reaches out to slowly shake her arm. “Umma!”

She reaches back to swat at him, and Jungkook quickly ducks.

“What is it?”

“It’s my birthday!”

His Umma is silent for a moment. “So?”

Jungkook wilts. He knows that his birthday isn’t super important, not like Seokjin’s birthday or his Umma’s birthday, but today he’s six. Now he gets to start learning how to be a real alpha. He thought his Umma would be happy that she doesn’t have to take care of him any longer. Maybe his Umma forgot?

“I’m six today,” he tells her. “I’m gonna be a real alpha soon.”

His Umma groans a little bit, as she pushes herself up. “It will be a long time before you become a real alpha, if you ever do become one.”

Jungkook watches her move, and he doesn’t like the way his chest feels tight, or the way his eyes prickle. He feels very stupid, suddenly.

“I’ll try my best,” he says.

His Umma doesn’t respond, leaving him behind in the tent.

But despite his Umma’s indifference, Seokjin is a light in the dark. He gifts Jungkook a new pair of pants and a new set of handmade earrings. Jungkook immediately takes out his old set, sliding the new feathered earrings into his lobes. He spends the day with Seokjin, and they play together, chasing after butterflies and swimming in the lake. Seokjin even has a special cake that he made, and Jungkook marvels at the taste of chocolate. He’s not allowed to have chocolate, normally.

He loves Seokjin, and he thinks that even more than for his Umma, Jungkook wants to be the best alpha he can be for Seokjin. He wants to be able to give back to Seokjin everything that the older omega has given him.

After his sixth birthday, things start to change.

He knew they would, but there is so much work. He wishes he had more time to play.

He’s in a group with four other alpha pups. Chanyoung, Jungho, Hanbin and Kyungho; they’ve all known each other since birth, and they’ve never included Jungkook. Minseok is their teacher, a young alpha who is one of the deadliest hunters in the pack. Jungkook has always been scared of him, though he won’t admit it out loud. Minseok’s eyes are ice cold, and the rest of him carries very little warmth.

Each morning they meet in front of Minseok’s tent, lined up in age order, with Jungkook in last place. Minseok doesn’t bother learning or remembering their names; he calls them all pup.

“You have six years to learn from me,” Minseok tells them, as they follow him into the woods. “Six years to hone your skills. If you are not alpha material by the time you turn twelve, we’ll know, and you will have no place in this pack. I won’t bother to learn your names until I’m sure you deserve it.” He looks back at them. “When you are deemed an alpha.”

He stops when he reaches a clearer patch of forest; the trees grow thinner here, allowing the small group to fan out a little bit. Still, the pups push at each other, trying to be first.

“Sit,” Minseok commands. They all hastily sit in a circle, waiting for further instruction. “I want you to close your eyes.”

Jungkook slips his eyes shut, hands clenching on his knees. He hears Jungho shifting beside him.

“Listen to the sounds of the forest,” Minseok tells them. “Listen to everything that is happening around you. Once you are silent, you will realize there is a whole other world going on that you don’t even see.”

Jungkook listens to the birds calling above, the wind in the trees, the faint sound of rushing water from the river.

“You must learn to become nothing,” Minseok says. “Only when you are able to fade into nothing, can you pass by unseen, unheard. And if you are very good, they won’t even smell you.”

Minseok’s scent abruptly disappears, and Jungkook gasps, snapping his eyes open. Minseok is still standing in front of the group, and Jungkook is not the only one who’d opened his eyes in alarm.

Minseok smirks, faintly. “Only if you’re very good,” he repeats. “But first, we must learn about the world around us, in order to conquer it. Because that is an alpha’s role – to rule over everything else.”

Jungkook slips his eyes shut again. He is going to learn that, he vows. He’s going to be the best alpha ever, just like Seokjin said.

☽

“Hi bunny.”

Jungkook looks up from where he is seated by the fire, cheeks puffed up with the food he’d been scarfing down in his haste to finish so that he could fit in time to see Seokjin. Now that the older omega is here, he slows down.

Seokjin is standing above him, the sun shining like a halo around his head. The other alpha pups stare at Seokjin in awe; his omega scent soothes even the most energetic of the pups.

“Hi hyung,” Jungkook says. Seokjin crouches down to join him, his fur cloak pooling around his body. It is much better quality than Jungkook’s fur jacket. The tip of Seokjin’s nose is pink from the cold, and when he speaks, puffs of air turn to mist.

“How is alpha training going?” Seokjin asks. The other pups have returned to their food, the clanging noise of spoons hitting bowls betraying their haste to finish their hot meal. “Are you working hard?”

“Yes,” Jungkook tells him. He is excited that he gets to share this with Seokjin, because his Umma usually ignores him when he tries to tell her about his training. Or she tells him he’s not working hard enough. He’s really trying his best, though! “Seonsaengnim is teaching us so much! First, we learned all about listening to everything going on around us. Then we had to put these cotton buds in our ears so we couldn’t hear, and that made us only use our eyes. Seonsaengnim says that we have to master all of our senses to be good alphas.”

“I’m sure you’re very good,” Seokjin says.

“I’m okay,” Jungkook replies, a little embarrassed. “I’m not the best.”

“You have a long time to learn,” Seokjin tells him. “All of the alphas of this pack started where you are now.”

“I guess,” Jungkook says. It doesn’t change how desperate his is to be the best.

“Well,” Seokjin says, hands moving beneath his fur cloak until one hand emerges from beneath the folds. He’s clenching something in his palm. “I have something for you, bunny.”

“What is it?” Jungkook asks curiously. He sets aside his empty bowl, turning to the omega.

Seokjin opens his hand. Sitting in the palm of his hand is a crude wooden carving of a wolf. The features are a little disproportioned, and the totem hangs on a cord necklace. Seokjin looks a little embarrassed as Jungkook takes in the wolf’s features

“It’s not as good as the one you gave me,” he says, referring to the small wooden wolf Jungkook had carved for Seokjin for his eleventh birthday a few weeks ago. “I don’t really know what I’m doing,” Seokjin admits. “But I wanted you to have one too.”

“I love it,” Jungkook says immediately. He takes the wolf into his own hands, cradling it in his smaller palms. “I love it, hyung.”

“You’re too cute, bun,” Seokjin tells him, smiling, ruffling his hair. “I’m so lucky to know a pup like you.”

☾

Alpha training becomes his whole life.

It makes sense, obviously, since Jungkook is an alpha, so being the best alpha should be the most important thing in his life. It does mean, however, that he has less time for all the things he used to love. He knows those things aren’t as important as being an alpha, but he can’t help but miss it. He especially misses Seokjin, who has his own omega duties which means their time together is almost nonexistent.

Jungkook does get a lot of time alone still, but the difference now is that he’s learned not to expect Seokjin to stop by. The other difference is how that time alone has changed. Whereas before Jungkook might have been playing games and climbing trees, he’s now expected to fulfill alpha duties instead. He makes note of any tracks in the forest to report to the older alphas. He helps make weapons for the older alphas too.

Despite the cooling weather, Jungkook still goes barefoot into the river, lightly jumping from rock to rock, crouching down to examine the stones and collect the ones that would make good arrowheads. Jungkook’s learning how to use all types of weapons, but he’s especially good with arrows. He’s even better at making the arrows; his small hands work quickly at whittling the wood and tying the feathers and arrowheads.

He pauses in his search, reaching down to pick up a shiny stone, sparkling blue and green in the sunlight. He remembers how he used to collect stones like this, pretty stones, the same way he liked pretty flowers. He lets the stone fall from his fingers. He doesn’t have room for it in his pouch; it’s not important, not like the arrowheads.

He doesn’t have time for pretty things anymore.

By the time he makes it back to camp for dinner, his fingers are red from the cold water, a little bit numb too. He stops by the fire to warm them up, and then grabs a bowl of food before heading over to Seokjin. The omega will be thirteen soon, and he has been preparing for his own coming of age ceremony.

Seokjin’s hair has grown out, over the years, reaching just below his shoulder blades. It is soft, straight, and he wears it twisted in intricate knots, with flowers braided into the dark locks. Alpha checks on him a lot now, to make sure Seokjin is warm enough in the rapidly cooling weather, that Seokjin has enough furs at night, that Seokjin has enough food during his meals.

Jungkook has never seen this kind of favouritism, and he does feel a little jealous. He thinks Seokjin deserves it though, to be treated so well, and he doesn’t really understand the funny expression Seokjin gives him when he tells Seokjin this.

He plops down beside Seokjin, glad he’s able to tonight because recently Seokjin has been surrounded by so many of the older alphas that Jungkook hasn’t been able to get close. He relaxes into the soothing floral scent, letting it wash over his senses.

“You almost missed dinner,” Seokjin says. He’s scraping his spoon along the bottom of his bowl, picking up the last bits of food. He sounds quieter than usual, almost sad.

“But I didn’t,” Jungkook says cheekily. He nudges the bag he’d plopped down on the floor with his foot. “I was down at the river.” He chews on his food. “Are you excited?”

“For what?”

“For your birthday!” Jungkook exclaims. “Everyone’s talking about it.”

“I know,” Seokjin says. He doesn’t sound as excited as Jungkook expects, and he looks glum as he keeps scraping his spoon against the bottom of his bowl.

“What’s wrong, hyung?” he asks.

“Oh, nothing bunny,” Seokjin sighs. “Sometimes I just wish…”

“Wish what?”

“Nothing, it’s not important,” Seokjin says. He turns to look at Jungkook. “I guess I just don’t know how much longer we have like this.”

Jungkook doesn’t understand. “What do you mean?”

But Seokjin changes the topic. “I know what I want you to give me for my birthday.”

“I already got you a present,” Jungkook says, but he listens to Seokjin anyway.

“I want to spend the whole day with you,” Seokjin says. “I always want to remember you as a little bunny. I want to remember this, now, forever.”

“What are you talking about, hyung?” Jungkook asks. “You’re saying weird things.”

“I know,” Seokjin smiles wistfully. “But do you think you can make time for me anyway?”

“Yeah,” Jungkook says, nonplussed. “Of course.”

Seokjin ends the conversation there, and Jungkook still doesn’t understand, but he leans into Seokjin’s side. Seokjin relaxes, leaning into Jungkook too, letting the young alpha curl into his warmth.

Beyond the crackling fire, the forest fades into darkness around them. Because it is so late in the year, the days are shorter and shorter, so that it’s as dark as midnight. High above, the moon glows in the sky. Jungkook exhales, tilting his head back to look up at the stars.

“Do you ever think about what’s out there?” Jungkook asks.

“What do you mean?” Seokjin says.

“Like…all the other packs out there. Head Alpha. All the other wolves,” Jungkook says shyly. “There must be so many more wolves besides us. It would be cool to meet some of them.”

Seokjin is silent for a moment. “Maybe you will.”

Jungkook shakes his head. “Umma says I’m not allowed to go to the city.”

This elicits a surprised laugh from Seokjin. “You want to go into the city?”

“Well, maybe,” Jungkook says. “You always get to go. I want to come with you. What if you need my protection?”

Seokjin’s smile gets a little smaller, more wistful. “I always have pack alphas with me, bun. No one is going to touch me.”

“But I want to go with you anyway,” Jungkook says. He’s frustrated because Seokjin isn’t getting it. “I barely get to see you anymore, I hate it.”

“Oh, do you miss me?” Seokjin asks, voice turning into something more playful.

“Hyung,” Jungkook protests, embarrassed.

“I miss you too,” Seokjin whispers, leaning closer, like it’s a secret. “I wish that we could go back to picking berries together. I miss the flowers you used to bring me.” He holds Jungkook’s hand in his own, examining the callouses that have started to form, roughening his previously soft baby skin. “You’re changing so quickly already, I’m a little sad.”

“But I’m still me, hyung,” Jungkook tells him. He’s confused at the melancholy look on Seokjin’s face, the sadness tucked into his smile. He knows it’s been a while since they’ve seen each other, since Jungkook has told Seokjin about his alpha training, since Jungkook has fallen asleep curled into Seokjin’s side, his much smaller body fitting snugly against the older omega. But Jungkook is learning how to become an alpha to be proud of, and surely that is better than remaining as the pup he once was.

“I know,” Seokjin says. “I know. That’s why I love you, bunny. Because you’re Jungkook.”

☽

In Jungkook’s short eight years of life, there have been moments in which he had been forced to face his own ignorance. Moments in which he’d had to come to terms with the fact that he didn’t understand what was happening. Moments where he’d had to understand that actions have consequences, and the only way to survive in this world is to learn the harsh lessons that only life can provide.

The first time is when he is four and he hears the word “freak” snapped at him.

He is startled, staring wide-eyed up at the much older alpha. He’s heard that word before, tossed around the pack like a warning.

The freak is coming over.

Don’t get too close to the freak.

The freak doesn’t belong here.

He didn’t know what it meant. Now he knows it is synonymous with Jungkook. He understands why the other pups won’t play with him, why the other pups throw stones when he gets too close. Why he often eats last, why the older wolves shove him aside when he spends too much time with Seokjin. He thought it was because he doesn’t have an Appa; now he knows it is because there is something inherently wrong with him.

Seokjin tells him that the pack is wrong, that Jungkook is not a freak. He says it’s because they’re jealous of Jungkook’s golden eyes; he says Jungkook is destined to become a great alpha.

But Seokjin is only nine, and he’s not only kind to Jungkook, he’s kind to everybody. It bothers Jungkook that he has to share Seokjin’s kindness with the rest of the pack. When he is with Seokjin, everything seems a little lighter, a little brighter. They play games together, and they shift into their wolf forms and chase each other around. Seokjin even makes Jungkook his first ever pair of earrings out of tiny pink stones.

But when Seokjin leaves, when he has to go back to his family, when he’s called to play with omegas his own age, the darkness starts to creep in the same way the moon eclipses the sun. Jungkook is always alone. He chases butterflies and squirrels because he has no other friends. He makes necklaces of shells that he never wears because the other pups will rip it from his throat. He barely speaks because the adult wolves and the pups laugh at him every time he does.

He has no one else besides Seokjin and his Umma, and he isn’t even sure if his Umma likes him very much. He can’t imagine what it must be like for her, to have a pup who is a freak. No matter how hard he tries to make it easier for her, he never succeeds. Sometimes when she is very drunk, she tells him that she wishes he had never been born. Sometimes Jungkook almost tells her that he wishes the same.

He’s learned similar harsh lessons in the years since.

He learns another one now, standing frozen behind the shadow of a tree, fingers and toes numb from the cold, watching Minseok-seonsaengnim leave the tent he shares with his Umma. He doesn’t understand.

Minseok pauses to readjust his pants, rolls his shoulders back, and then continues on into the cover that night provides. Why would Minseok-seonsaengnim be visiting his Umma? He knows they’re a similar age – Jungkook’s Umma is a lot younger than the other pups’ Ummas. But Jungkook didn’t know that Minseok was close to his Umma.

He creeps closer. His heart is thudding in his chest.

“Umma?”

He crouches down, lifting the flap of the tent. Inside, his Umma is reclined back in her furs, staring up at the fabric of the tent above her. She doesn’t look at Jungkook when he calls out to her.

The inside of the tent smells overwhelmingly of Minseok, with a kind of pungent odour that has Jungkook recoiling, scrunching up his nose in distaste. He doesn’t like the smell, and he doesn’t like his Umma’s dull eyes either.

“Umma?”

He crawls into the tent, but his Umma still doesn’t respond. She has a bruise on her face that wasn’t there earlier today. Underneath the overpowering scent of his teacher, Jungkook can barely make out the trace of blood. Is his Umma hurt? He can’t see any injuries besides the bruises on her face. He reaches out hesitantly and rests a small hand on her arm to get her attention. She immediately flinches, and Jungkook snaps his hand back, cradling it to his chest as if he was the one who was hurt.

“…Jungkook?”

“Umma, what’s wrong?” Jungkook asks worriedly. She is so lethargic, barely coherent. She looks like how she does when she’s drunk after full moon celebrations and Jungkook has to guide her back to the tent as he supports her weight and her unsteady legs, but he cannot smell any alcohol on her breath right now.

“…cold,” she murmurs. “Your hands are cold.”

He blinks, and then looks around their tent. Her furs have been shoved aside and she’s made no move to cover herself, and Jungkook’s own pallet is a mess, as if it had been hastily pushed away. He reaches for the furs, pulls them up to cover his Umma.

“Is this better?”

“Hmm,” she nods. “Yes.” She rolls onto her side, putting her back to Jungkook.

He moves back to his side of the tent, swiftly fixing his furs and pillow. “Why was Minseok-seonsaengnim here?”

His Umma’s breathing catches for a moment, and then she lifts herself up to look over at him. “What are you talking about?”

“I saw him leaving the tent,” Jungkook tells her.

“Don’t be stupid,” his mother snaps. She drops back down to lie flat on her furs, a harsh scoffing noise escaping her throat. “Go to sleep, Jungkook. I don’t ever want to hear something so stupid come out of your mouth again, got it?”

Jungkook shivers. “Yes Umma.”

He does not understand this lesson for many years.

☾

“It is not good enough to only hunt as a wolf,” Minseok tells them.

“Your wolf gives you an advantage. You are dulled to everything you feel as a human, so everything else is heightened – your sense of smell, your vision, your hearing. Even more important, your empathy, your compassion,” Minseok spits out, “is dulled. You don’t feel the same hesitation in killing.”

He stops, suddenly, and the pups stop too. Minseok turns to look down at them.

“Your wolf gives you this gift,” he says. “Your wolf does all the work for you, as an alpha. But you cannot be satisfied with that. You must learn how to bring these strengths into your human form. Only then will you be a true hunter. Only then will you be an alpha of this pack.”

He meets each pup’s gaze.

“You will learn to kill in your human form,” he says frankly. “If you cannot do that, if you don’t have the stomach for it, you should leave the pack now. This pack depends on its alphas doing what is necessary. Killing in your human form will make you lethal as a wolf.”

Jungkook feels something heavy like a stone settle in his stomach, but he doesn’t move. Neither do any of the other pups.

“Good,” Minseok says, turning back around and moving on. “Very good.”

They are walking in the forest again, but everything is different two years later. At eight, Jungkook has grown taller. His hair is growing out, curling around his ears and at the base of his neck.

The pups are lighter on their feet, swift in stepping around the rocks and dead branches. They barely make a sound as they move through the underbrush. Their training has taught them to blend into their surroundings, to pass by unnoticed.

“You are all still too small to take on big game,” Minseok continues. “You’re not ready for that yet. So we’ll start small too. Each of you will be assigned one animal to hunt and bring back to me, alive. Your first lesson in death is to capture your prey alone. No one will help you in this, just like how no one can do your killing for you.”

The pups all nod, and then Minseok stops and turns to face them. He moves down the line, assigning each of them an animal, until he reaches Jungkook and pauses. “There is one animal I should assign to you,” Minseok says sharply. His gaze is chilled, and Jungkook shivers. “The name that the omega calls you. I should make you hunt a bunny to get rid of that ridiculous name.”

The other pups are snickering, and Jungkook feels the embarrassment flame across his face. He doesn’t know what to say.

“But that would hardly be a challenge, making you hunt a bunny. An omega could do that,” Minseok continues. “You will hunt for a shrike, pup.”

Jungkook bows his head in acceptance. He will not fail at this.

Shrikes are small, quick, and flighty. They are especially revered in Jungkook’s pack, for how they display their kills. It is an unspoken rite of passage, for older alphas, to kill a shrike, to wear its feathers. Jungkook feels proud that he’s been assigned this animal. Obviously, Minseok had thought him worthy enough to hunt one.

The problem lies in actually capturing a shrike, however.

Jungkook has no idea how to do it. He is not quick enough to catch the bird with his bare hands, and his wolf is no help, because he’s too big, too clumsy for this quick catch.

He needs to find a way to slow the shrike down, if he has any hope of catching it. But how would he do that?

“What’s got you so worried?” Seokjin asks. He bops Jungkook’s nose with his finger and then wraps one arm around Jungkook’s, pulling the younger alpha towards him. “Your face is all scrunched up in thought. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”

“Ah, nothing hyung,” Jungkook sighs. “It’s alpha stuff.”

“Oh,” Seokjin says. The tone of his voice is off, and Jungkook slides a glance at him. Seokjin looks a little downtrodden. “Do you really need to hide it from me?”

Jungkook furrows his eyebrows. “I’m not hiding it from you, hyung. It’s just that…it’s alpha stuff. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Well, why don’t you try me?” Seokjin offers.

Jungkook feels little annoyed. “Why? It’s not like you could help me, you’re not an alpha.”

Seokjin stiffens, and Jungkook immediately feels bad. “Hyung…”

“No, you’re right,” Seokjin says quietly. “I’m not an alpha. I’m an omega. I never thought that you would think that means I’m less than you.”

“You’re not hyung,” Jungkook says, a little desperately because Seokjin’s pulled his arm from Jungkook’s grasp. “Hyung, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

Seokjin still won’t look at him.

“Hyung,” Jungkook whispers, a little more brokenly this time.

And Seokjin exhales, turning back to the younger alpha. “Alright, don’t cry, bunny, I forgive you.”

“I didn’t mean it,” Jungkook says again. He reaches out for Seokjin, and this time Seokjin lets him hold on to his hand. “I promise. It’s just that Minseok-seonsaengnim gave us a hunting assignment, and I’m not sure what to do. I have to capture a bird.”

“Oh, wow,” Seokjin murmurs. “That sounds tough.”

“Yeah,” Jungkook says glumly. “It’s too fast. I don’t know how to slow it down enough to catch one.”

Seokjin doesn’t answer, and then it’s silent for a few moments except for the crackling fire and the sound of crickets in the night air.

“Why don’t you try to trap the bird?” Seokjin asks.

“Trap?” Jungkook echos.

“Yeah,” Seokjin says. “Set up some way so the bird can’t escape. Then you catch it.”

“That’s…that’s brilliant, hyung,” Jungkook breathes. “That’ll work for sure!”

Seokjin laughs at Jungkook wide smile. “I’m glad I could help you, bunny. See? Omegas can be useful for hunting too, right?”

“I never said you weren’t,” Jungkook says, leaning into Seokjin’s sturdy form. “Hyung?”

“Yeah?”

Jungkook chews on his lip. “Can you…not call me bunny where other people can hear?”

Seokjin is silent again. “Why?” He asks eventually. “You don’t like that name?”

“I like it,” Jungkook reassures him. “But it’s not really a name for an alpha, you know?”

“Yeah,” Seokjin sighs. “I know.”

Jungkook’s fingers work quickly at tying knots. The netting he has made is strong, with small holes that the shrike won’t be able to escape from. He’s made his way out of the forest, into an open field to set up his trap. He’s worked hard at setting up the trigger system, so that when the shrike gets lured in by the bait, the net will snap shut and trap the bird inside.

He thinks it’s pretty genius.

He returns to the trap a few hours later, and sure enough, he’s caught one. He sets down the wooden cage he’d made, staring down at his catch. The shrike is small, with long tail feathers that he’s only ever seen braided into the hair of the alphas around camp. He can’t believe he’s been this successful, that he will be accepted as one of those alphas.

The shrike claws at his hands as he loosens the trap, but it doesn’t bother him. He’s too giddy with the feeling of his success.

He finds Minseok with the other alpha pups, arms crossed over his muscular chest as he oversees their training. Earlier today, Minseok had given him permission to go hunt for a shrike with a smirk that Jungkook hadn’t quite understood.

“Seonsaengnim,” Jungkook calls quietly.

Minseok glances over, and then he does a double take.

“What’s this?”

“I caught a shrike, seonsaengnim,” Jungkook tells him unnecessarily. He holds up the wooden cage. Inside, the shrike is screeching, fluttering around in attempt to escape.

“…What?” Minseok murmurs, too quietly for it to be intentional.

“I caught a shrike,” Jungkook repeats. He doesn’t understand the perplexed look on Minseok’s face, but he likes the jealous expressions on the faces of the other alpha pups. So far, Hanbin had been the only pup to catch his prey, and Jungkook knows a shrike is way better than a squirrel.

Minseok moves closer, taking the cage from Jungkook and examining the bird inside, as if he still can’t believe that it is a shrike.

“This is…” Minseok starts to say, then he stops. He snaps his gaze to Jungkook, suddenly, fixing the young alpha with an austere look. “How?”

Jungkook puffs up with pride. “I caught it in a trap.”

“A…trap?” Minseok questions.

“Yes, seonsangnim,” Jungkook nods. “I lured the shrike into a trap and caught it.”

“I see,” Minseok says quietly. It’s a little foreboding, the way Minseok looks down at the bird, the way the other pups are silent, the way Minseok’s expression is blank of emotion. “It all makes sense now.”

What makes sense? Jungkook thinks.

Minseok laughs, suddenly, and he looks back at Jungkook. The humour in his eyes is cruel; Jungkook abruptly feels very afraid.

“A trap is something an omega would use,” Minseok tells them. “Alphas should be strong enough, fast enough, to catch their prey without the use of something so deceitful. But then, you were never really a true alpha anyway, were you pup?”

The other alpha pups start to snicker, a vicious laughter that makes Jungkook flush in embarrassment.

“That’s not-” he tries to explain.

Minseok grabs him, suddenly, a tight grip around the back of his neck, pressing painfully into his scent glands and Jungkook abruptly goes limp at the hold. His arms and legs feel like jelly, and his mouth doesn’t move quite right for him to speak. His wolf is cowering, belly flat to the ground, ears back, tail pressed close to his body.

“Shut your damn mouth,” Minseok snaps. “You have no voice here. You’re worth nothing more than an omega. You really came to me, thinking that you had been successful in your hunt? I should have made you kill a bunny all along, freak.”

He releases Jungkook with a shove, and he goes tumbling backwards, hands grating painfully against rock as he falls to the ground. He’s breathing heavily, and he doesn’t look up at the wolves that are staring down at him. He understands that he is the prey here.

“You failed, pup,” Minseok tells him. He’s holding the cage, and he opens the door, releasing the shrike up into the sky. “You’re no alpha. You never will be.”

“What did you do?”

His Umma is in a sour mood when he finally returns to their tent.

“What did you do?” She repeats, cuffing the back of his head when he gives her a confused look.

“What do you mean?”

“The other alphas are all saying that you failed your hunt,” his Umma snaps. “How could you be so foolish?”

“It wasn’t like that,” Jungkook objects. He oddly feels like he might cry, but he’s not sure why. His Umma’s expression is unforgiving. “I didn’t know that I couldn’t use a trap.”

“You should have known!” She says. “I didn’t raise you to be so stupid!”

“You didn’t raise me at all,” Jungkook mutters, and he earns a sharp slap to his face for that.

His Umma exhales heavily. “I’m doing the best that I can. But if you’re not even going to try with your alpha training, then what’s the point? You might as well give up now.”

“No,” Jungkook says swiftly. “No, I’m not giving up. Umma, I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t seem like you are,” his Umma tells him. “You constantly disrespect me, you make me work so hard for you, and then you don’t even try with your alpha training!”

“Umma, I’m sorry,” Jungkook says again. There is a panic tight in his gut, at the disappointed look on his Umma’s face. “I’m trying, I really am. This was just a mistake. It won’t happen again.”

“It better not,” his Umma warns. “I’ve already given you so many chances, I don’t know how many more I can give you at this point.”

Jungkook looks down at his feet. He feels very pathetic suddenly.

“I don’t want to hear any more excuses,” she tells him sharply. “I better not hear about any more stupid mistakes either, do you understand me?”

“Yes Umma.”

“I heard about it, about what happened.”

Seokjin’s voice is quiet. He approaches Jungkook slowly, like he’s approaching an animal that might startle and bolt at the first sign of movement. He stops when he reaches Jungkook’s side.

Jungkook doesn’t reply.

“I’m so sorry that happened to you, bunny.”

Jungkook’s jaw clenches. “I told you not to call me that, hyung.”

“Right,” Seokjin says softly. “Sorry Jungkook.”

Jungkook doesn’t answer again. He continues to collect sticks for kindling, and despite his standoffish attitude, Seokjin doesn’t leave him. It’s quiet for a few moments, only the sound of the birds calling above them filtering down to their ears.

“You were supposed to fail,” Seokjin blurts out, suddenly.

Jungkook stands up, slowly, and he finally turns to face the omega. “…what?”

“You were supposed to fail,” Seokjin repeats. “Minseok-seonsaengnim told you to hunt for a shrike because he knew that you would fail. Shrikes are difficult for most alphas to catch, and he wanted to humiliate you by making you the only pup who didn’t catch their prey.”

Jungkook stares at Seokjin. “How could you know that?”

“I heard some of the omegas talking about it,” Seokjin reveals. “I swear, Jungkook, I didn’t know about it until after everything happened.”

Jungkook turns away again and continues to collect sticks.

“Jungkook,” Seokjin calls out. He reaches for Jungkook’s hand, but the alpha withdraws from his touch.

“I’m busy right now, hyung,” Jungkook tells him. “Alpha stuff.”

It’s silent for a moment, but he knows Seokjin is still there because he doesn’t hear any footsteps fading away.

“Do you blame me?” Seokjin asks suddenly.

“For what?” Jungkook says.

“…you blame me, don’t you,” Seokjin continues, and Jungkook turns back to face him again.

“For what, hyung?”

“For giving you that idea.”

Jungkook sighs. “No. It’s like you said, I would have failed either way. But I should have at least tried to succeed as an alpha.”

“But you did,” Seokjin says. He moves closer, and Jungkook’s expression remains blank. “Jungkook, our pack thinks that what you did wasn’t what an alpha should do, but that’s just our pack. There are no real rules about alphas and omegas. We can do whatever we want!”

“But I’m an alpha of this pack, hyung,” Jungkook tells him. “If I don’t follow their rules, then what am I? Where do I belong? I can’t do whatever I want, so stop saying that. You don’t get it.”

“No, you don’t get it,” Seokjin disagrees.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Jungkook turns his back to Seokjin again. “You’re not an alpha, hyung. You’ll never understand.”

Seokjin hiccups a breath behind him, and Jungkook realizes that he is crying. Still, he doesn’t turn to look.

“Please, please don’t let them do this to you, Jungkook,” Seokjin whispers. “Please don’t leave me.”

Of course he wouldn’t leave, that was the whole point, Jungkook thinks. Jungkook would never go anywhere. He’d never become the alpha he wanted to be.

☽

Minseok’s lessons become more and more challenging throughout the years as they undergo alpha training. His demands become more specific too; his criticism becomes sharper, like knives twisting deep into open wounds. He knows exactly what to say to make each of the pups cower in submission.

Jungkook did not think of Minseok’s indifference as a kindness when he was only six. Now that Minseok’s shifted to maliciousness to keep them in line, Jungkook wishes he could go back to being ignored.

He vacillates between neglect and abuse from not only Minseok, but everyone else in his pack. He’s used to this, he should be used to this. If he is not ignored, he’s shoved, hit, occasionally even kicked. He used to have Seokjin to break up this cycle, but know he’s not sure he even has that. He supposes that this is growing up. Seokjin used to say that sometimes cruelty got passed down to the next generation the same way packs handed down their traditional stories.

“What is that?” Jungkook asks in curiosity. “Cruelty? What does that mean?”

Seokjin pauses. He is fourteen now, and much taller than Jungkook. He looks less like the omega pups and more like the grown omegas with each passing day. Jungkook’s Umma says it’s because Seokjin’s body is preparing for his future alpha. Jungkook thinks that it’s because Seokjin doesn’t smile anymore.

“Cruelty is being mean,” Seokjin says. “But, intentionally. It’s when you cause someone pain, but you wanted them to be in pain.”

Oh, Jungkook thinks, relieved. He knows that he’s caused a lot of pain in his short life, but he’s never done it intentionally. At least, not that he’s been aware of.

“So that cruelty, the ability to cause so much harm to another person, it gets passed down in packs,” Seokjin continues. He’s not looking at Jungkook. He seems to be a million miles away. “And that’s exactly what our pack does. That’s what we are.”

Oh, Jungkook thinks again. Maybe he is cruel. Maybe he hadn’t realized it. Maybe Jungkook’s story was never meant to be a good one.

Minseok leaves them alone more often now that they are all approaching their tenth year. Jungkook is the only one who hasn’t had his birthday yet. In early summer, all of the alpha pups are shirtless as they fish in the cold lake with sharpened harpoons. Jungkook’s loose pants are rolled up to his knees, and a cord necklace hangs around his neck, the wooden wolf totem that Seokjin made years ago swinging and hitting his chest with each of his movements.

Chanyoung is the closest pup to him, and Jungkook’s already caught three fish to Chanyoung’s one. He feels a faint flash of pride as he catches another.

There must be a look on his face that gives it away, because suddenly Chanyoung is calling out.

“Something funny, freak?”

Jungkook immediately wipes his face of emotion. “No.”

The other pups look over, wandering closer and abandoning the search for tonight’s dinner.

“You had a stupid look on your face,” Chanyoung says. He’s bigger than Jungkook, heavier too. The look on his face is ugly, and it’s not helped by Chanyoung’s general unattractive features. Jungkook thinks he might be better looking if he didn’t spend so much time bullying the pack omegas into doing things for him.

Jungkook shrugs. He could take on Chanyoung, as long as the other alpha pups didn’t interfere. Chanyoung may be bigger, but Jungkook is faster.

“You were laughing at me.” Chanyoung sounds mad now. His hands are clenching around his harpoon, like he might be thinking of using it against Jungkook. Jungkook’s own hands flex around the strong wood.

The other three alphas crowd behind Chanyoung, and then Hanbin, the eldest, steps forward.

“What’s going on?”

“The freak thought he could laugh at me,” Chanyoung says. “He thinks he’s better than us.”

Jungkook doesn’t say a word, but he supposes Chanyoung isn’t wrong. Jungkook may be a freak, but he doesn’t think he’s the worst one out of their group. In fact, he thinks he might be the hardest working even if Minseok never acknowledges it. Jungkook has a lot to prove to the pack, if he has any hope of remaining as one of them.

“Is that so?” Hanbin asks calmly. He’s staring Jungkook down with delight in his eyes, like he knows something Jungkook doesn’t. Jungkook feels unease curl in his gut. “I guess it must feel that way since he has a guarantee to stay in the pack.”

Jungkook frowns.

“What do you mean?” Jungho pipes up. “None of us have a guarantee.”

“Jungkook’s Umma is sleeping with Minseok-seonsaengnim,” Hanbin says. He hasn’t taken his eyes off of Jungkook. “So Jungkook’s guaranteed to pass the alpha test. That’s why he looks so good, compared to the rest of us. Because Minseok-seonsaengnim makes it easier for him.”

“That’s not true,” Jungkook denies. He has no idea how Hanbin knows what happened months ago.

“Which part?” Hanbin asks. “Some of the pack omegas, my Umma included, say Minseok-seonsaengnim goes to your tent while we’re out here training. They say that he stays in there for hours. They say that your Umma’s a whore. Are you calling my Umma a liar?”

When Jungkook was younger, he’d thought that whore meant an unmated omega. He thought that any unmated omega with a pup was a whore.

Now he knows he was right; he just hadn’t realized it was meant to derogate.

“Don’t call my Umma that,” Jungkook snaps. He feels anger simmering just below the surface of his skin. His wolf is snapping, growling at him to do something, to defend himself.

“But that’s what she is,” Hanbin tells him. His lips have curled up into a frightening grin. “Your Umma is a whore who spreads her legs for any alpha who’ll have her. Your Appa is probably some dirty lone wolf who was too weak for any pack to take in. Your Umma’s a disgrace to this pack, and so are you.”

Hanbin turns away, as if the conversation is over. But Jungkook’s anger boils over.

He throws his harpoon aside, and runs at Hanbin, splashing through the shallow water to tackle the other alpha. They go down in a heap, and Jungkook pants for breath as he heaves himself up, making another run for Hanbin.

This time, the other alpha is prepared, meeting him with a punch aimed at Jungkook’s unprotected side. He manages to dodge, slamming into Hanbin again, trying to take the other alpha down. The wrestle for a moment, Jungkook slamming his fist into Hanbin’s face, and Jungkook nearly gets the upper hand.

But then there are hands gripping onto both of Jungkook’s arms, dragging him off of Hanbin who is stumbling to get himself back to his feet, blood trickling from the corner of his mouth where his teeth have cut his lip. Chanyoung and Jungho both have a grip on Jungkook, holding him between them even as he struggles furiously.

Hanbin is glaring at him as he wipes blood from his lips. “Hold him,” he orders, and then he approaches.

“You think you can take me on?” Hanbin asks. He grips Jungkook’s hair. “I’ll kill you, freak. I’ll be the last thing you see before you die!”

He shoves Jungkook’s head down, below the surface of the water. Jungkook struggles even more now, desperate to escape the tight grasp that the three other alphas have on him. Hanbin lifts his head up again, and Jungkook gasps for air. It feels like he can’t get enough oxygen in.

“Learn your damn lesson!”

Jungkook is shoved back under the water, and it stings at his eyes. He tries to find leverage to push himself up by planting his feet on the ground, but they keep slipping on the sandy bottom. He feels faint at the effort it takes to fight against the other wolves as his lungs burn from holding his breath.

He’s pulled up again.

“You’re a freak! And nobody wants you in this pack!”

He’s shoved back under. No matter how hard he struggles, he cannot escape. He might die here, now, in the shallow water of a lake ten minutes away from camp, away from his Umma, away from Seokjin. Darkness creeps in at the edges of his vision, the painful burning of his lungs becoming too much to handle.

He’s hauled up and out of the water, the hands gripping his arms disappearing.

He feels so weak he can barely walk. Strong arms drag him towards the shore that he can barely make out. His gaze is fuzzy, and he can’t see straight. He’s tossed down onto the sand, and he recognizes Kyungho’s scent as the other alpha rolls him onto his side.

Jungkook throws up, struggling to hold himself up on buckling arms, and Kyungho retreats in disgust. Jungkook’s lungs feel like they’re burning, even as he draws in fresh breaths of air. He feels like he can’t get enough air in. Water trickles down his face and mixes with his uncontrollable tears.

Faintly, he can hear Minseok-seonsaengnim talking. It is quiet, slow, even. It is terrifying.

When he finally has enough strength to lift himself into a sitting position, he sees the three other alphas kneeling on the sand. Minseok stands above them. He has never seen an expression as harsh as the one that Minseok is wearing on his face; Jungkook cannot look at it for too long.

“You think you have any kind of authority over who lives and dies in this pack?” Minseok asks them. “You think you have any say?”

The group is silent.

“You. Are. Nothing!” Minseok snaps, and with each word he aims a blow to the three alpha’s faces. All three struggle back to their knees. “Each and every one of you is nothing. Your voices mean nothing, your thoughts mean nothing. You haven’t earned it yet. I don’t care what little stupid things you argue about, but when it comes to taking a life – that’s not your choice. Do you think you have more of a say than Alpha?”

Changyoung, Jungho, and Hanbin cower in complete and utter submission. Not a single one of them lifts their heads.

“That’s what I thought,” Minseok says. He scoffs in disbelief. “I can barely consider any of you to be alphas.”

He turns his back on the three pups, moving over to Jungkook. He looks down at Jungkook, a severe expression on his face. “And you. You couldn’t fight any of them off? Pathetic.”

He faces the whole group now. “You think you know what death means because you can hunt? Because your wolf has learned to track and kill prey? You’re all weak. You haven’t learned anything.” He is angrier than Jungkook’s ever seen him before.

“Since you’re all so desperate to learn how to kill, I’ll make that our next lesson. You’ll learn what death really means to our human forms.”

It is a week later. Minseok is still furious with them.

It has simmered into a general harshness that wasn’t there before. He is more likely to hit them for a smaller mistake now. All the pups tread carefully, unwilling to direct his anger towards them.

They follow Minseok through the forest, heading farther away from camp then they ever have before. They are in their wolf forms, running steadily in line behind Minseok’s larger form, barely making a sound in the quiet of the forest.

Eventually Minseok slows to a stop, and they shift back into their human forms, hastily tugging on the pants that they’ve brought with them.

“Before we go any further,” Minseok says. “We need to talk about what is going to happen today.”

He examines each pup with disdain in his eyes.

“We will be encountering something none of you has ever had to deal with before. Our greatest enemy.”

“A rival pack?” Chanyoung asks stupidly. Minseok glares at him, and Chanyoung lowers his eyes.

“No,” Minseok says. “It is an enemy that you’ve only heard about in our stories. Maybe an enemy you thought wasn’t even real.”

Humans, Jungkook thinks.

“Humans,” Minseok says. Kyungho inhales sharply. “We’ve been tracking a group of them for a few days. Today, death will be your lesson.”

“We’re killing humans?” Hanbin can’t help but ask. Minseok doesn’t deem this worthy of a response, but he doesn’t seem as bothered, probably because of the anticipation in Hanbin’s voice.

“I shouldn’t have to remind you,” Minseok tells them. “Of the stories. Of what humans have done to us. Of the pain humans have caused, and how they almost eradicated our entire species. It is our role, no, our job, as alphas, to kill them on sight. Is that clear?”

“Yes Alpha,” they say together.

“Excellent,” Minseok says. He turns, and they fall in line.

They walk for another hundred metres together, this time in their human forms. The closer they get, the more Jungkook can smell them. He scents the air, discreetly, curious.

Unlike wolves, the humans all smell the same. There is no distinct scent between them; it is just the faint smell of body odour. Nothing in their scent distinguishes between rank, strength, or ability. They are so loud too; Jungkook picks up on their voices almost immediately.

Minseok and the pups come to a stop as they crest a hill, dropping down to observe the group of humans in the meadow below. They are covered by the tree line, unseen by the humans.

In total there are ten humans; six are adults, and four are children. The children are running around, playing a game while the adults are cooking over an open fire. There is a brightness to the group, in the way the children are laughing, the way the adults are smiling. They do not look like predators; at least, not the kind Jungkook is used to.

“We will kill them all,” Minseok says.

Jungkook realizes abruptly, that he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want to do this.

He is capable of killing prey, of killing his next meal. He’s capable of killing when it’s necessary to protect himself and his pack, and eventually his mate.

But this is killing because of opportunity. Because of a story. Because he’s supposed to believe that the group of humans in the meadow below is a threat to his pack. This is cruelty; this is what Jungkook was made to do.

But what does Jungkook know? Maybe it was an illusion. Maybe humans really were capable of harming him, just like every other wolf in his pack had done his whole life. Maybe everybody’s default setting was to cause harm, and Jungkook was only learning how to protect himself from it.

Perhaps the lesson was that Jungkook should always attack first, to save himself from having to defend later. Jungkook should hurt others before they hurt him. It is the only way to protect himself.

“This is going to be fun,” Hanbin says.

Jungkook thinks he might throw up. He doesn’t want to do this. He has to do this.

He is an alpha.

He wishes he was all the way back in their camp, seated with Seokjin, listening to the older omega talk about his day and relaxing into the soothing scent of flowers.

He should not think about Seokjin.

But he wishes Seokjin was here. He desperately wishes Seokjin would take him away from here.

He must be an alpha, and Seokjin is not an alpha. He can’t think about Seokjin saving him.

He steels himself; he silences every doubting voice screaming at him not to do this. He thinks, faintly, of Seokjin’s bright smile, before he banishes that thought too.

“Do we kill them as wolves?” Kyungho asks.

“No,” Minseok says. “We do this in our human forms. This is how you become an alpha. This is how you learn to kill. After you do this, you’ll be able to do anything.”

Jungkook would be able to stay with the pack. Jungkook would be able to protect Seokjin.

It is with that final thought that Jungkook gives up the last of his turmoil.

They set upon the humans.

Minseok reaches the group first, sliding into group and slashing at the throat of one of the adults before disappearing into the night again. There is a brief moment of silence, where they humans don’t seem to understand, and then all hell breaks loose.

The humans are screaming, terrified, knocking over their supplies as they try to escape.

Jungkook reaches his first target, tackling the human to the ground. Even though he is a pup, he is still much stronger than the adult human, and so despite how much the human struggles, it is easy for Jungkook to maintain control and pin the human down.

The human looks up at him in shock.

“You’re just a child!” The human gasps, staring up at Jungkook with wide eyes. “Don’t do this, please!”

Jungkook doesn’t flinch. He is ice cold, nothing able to penetrate the exterior wall he’s built around himself. He is an alpha. He reaches behind him for the blade he keeps at his lower back, and then drives it deep into the human’s throat.

Jungkook listens to him gurgle on his last few breaths, and still, he does not flinch.

He’s up, wiping the blade on his pants, searching for his next victim. He flips the blade over in his hands, and then pulls back and lets it fly through the air as it impales itself into the back of another human that was escaping into the night. He runs over, and he can hear the pained moans of the human. With one final slash to the throat, this human is dead too.

Jungkook has learned so much from Minseok; it’s obvious to him now. He is putting all of his training to use – how to kill, how to track, how empty himself of compassion so that only an unfeeling ruthlessness remains.

Satisfied, he pulls the blade out, wiping it down again.

He hears a soft whimper.

He snaps his head up, looking for the source. Hiding behind a rock is one of the human children. He’s small, probably around Jungkook’s age, and he stares at Jungkook with wide, terrified eyes. He’s covering his mouth with both hands, trying not to make a noise. He’s breathing heavily, tears streaming down his face.

Jungkook stares back. The child is crying. When was the last time Jungkook cried? He cannot remember. After a moment, he moves closer, and the boy’s bare feet scrabble at the ground, as he tries to press himself back into the rock and away from Jungkook.

Jungkook pauses for a moment. The adults’ fear of him is different – it is understandable. He was supposed to instill fear into the humans, and it is an achievement that he was able to do so. But he doesn’t feel any sense of pride at the terror in this child’s eyes.

The child’s eyes are a soft brown; they remind him of Seokjin’s.

The horror washes over him in a sudden tsunami, like a dam has broken. What has he done?

He has never been so close to something that resembles himself so much, but that is so different at the same time. The child’s scent remains faint, despite his fear. Jungkook can only read the panic in his eyes; there is no indication of it in his human scent.

“Human,” he grunts, despite himself. He does not know what else to call him. Do humans even use language?

The boy hiccups, and his hands lower from his mouth.

“What are you?” The boy asks. He shakes with each hitching inhale.

Jungkook tilts his head. How could this boy not know? Humans hunt wolves; it is their only real predator.

Jungkook knows he must kill this boy, just like he killed the adults. But there is something stopping him, something that feels vaguely like regret. He finds it much harder to push his feelings aside; the boy reminds him so much of the omega pups back at camp. The boy is young, soft, unable to protect himself.

He reaches a hand out, a bloodied hand, and traces the boy’s features. Why are human children so much like wolf pups? Why would predators resemble their prey so much? How would Jungkook ever be able to differentiate between the two on sight alone?

“Kill him.”

Minseok is standing above Jungkook, as Jungkook crouches over the boy. They both flinch, Jungkook less so than the human boy, who lets out a squeak of pure fear. He’s glancing between Jungkook and Minseok, like he can’t tell who is more dangerous. And then Jungkook nods in acceptance, reaching for his knife. His fascination doesn’t matter; his fascination will only do more harm than good.

“No,” Minseok says, and Jungkook stills his hand. “Kill him with your bite. You are a wolf, remember?”

“Yes, seonsaengnim,” Jungkook says quietly. The boy is looking up at him, terrified, and Jungkook’s jaw unhinges as his teeth elongate in his mouth, sharpening, saliva pooling.

The boy lets out a terrified scream, and then Jungkook bites.

He holds on, feels the blood pooling in his mouth and running down the chest of the human. The boy struggles, valiantly, trying to push Jungkook off of him. He scratches at Jungkook chest and arms, pulling at his hair and the cord around his neck. Eventually, he falls still.

“Very good,” Minseok praises, moving away.

Once he’s far enough, Jungkook pulls back. He licks once at the wound, though it doesn’t do much to help. The human boy is so still he could be mistaken for dead.

“You’re okay,” Jungkook whispers. He can hear the heartbeat of the human child.

The boy blinks his eyes open and stares up at him, one hand fluttering over the wound at the junction of his neck and shoulder.

“Don’t touch it,” Jungkook commands softly. “It shouldn’t kill you. I only made it look like it did. I made sure not to hit anything important. Keep pressure on it so it can heal.”

The boy says nothing. He’s staring at Jungkook with wide brown eyes, hiccupping breaths that seem to expand and contract in his chest violently. His blood stains his skin a reddish-brown, and it’s soaked into the fabric of his white shirt too.

Jungkook has no idea why he saved him. Why he didn’t kill him. Minseok’s instructions were clear, and Jungkook’s never disobeyed him before. But Jungkook hadn’t liked what they’d been told to do. He hadn’t liked it at all.

But despite this, he’d managed one good thing. He’d managed to save one human, protected him from Minseok’s orders. He’d spared this child’s life, and Jungkook thinks he cannot be wholly cruel if he was able to do one good thing.

“We’re leaving soon, just wait until we’re gone and then you can find your way back home. Keep hiding back here and don’t move,” Jungkook instructs. He scans the field, and he’s removed enough from Minseok and the other pups that they won’t notice that one human has been left alive. He looks back down at the boy, and his breath suddenly catches at the hatred in his expression. Jungkook’s doesn’t understand.

“You’re a monster,” the boy breathes, looking up at Jungkook as if reality has just hit him. His voice is malicious, hostile. The fear has seemingly disappeared, replaced instead with a raging fury. “You’re a monster.”

…monster?

But Jungkook had saved his life.

Monster?

Jungkook had disobeyed Minseok’s direct order.

Monster?

Jungkook steps back from the boy. When he lifts his hands to sweep his hair from his face, his eyes catch on bloodstained palms.

Monster.

He doesn’t say anything more, and the boy does not speak as Jungkook leaves him, rejoining the other wolves at the centre of the human’s camp. It has been completely destroyed; the dead bodies are scattered around the camp, a moment of stillness capturing their desperation to escape. Jungkook passes the bodies of the three other children.

He feels a kind of discomfort in his gut, the same feeling he gets right before he vomits; dizziness, nausea, the way he breaks out into a cold sweat, the taste of bile at the back of his throat.

…I want to go home. It is a forlorn, hopeless, whisper of a thought, deep in Jungkook’s mind. It is the wish of the child he once was.

He ignores it. This is what it means to be an alpha.

He doesn’t tell Seokjin about this part; he’s not sure what Seokjin would say, and he thinks maybe this is something that is only for alphas to know. He doesn’t think he wants Seokjin to know what happened here anyway.

He doesn’t want to know what Seokjin would think of him.

☾

“Tell me a story,” Jungkook demands.

Seokjin’s laugh is loud, melodic. It escapes into the summer breeze that swirls through the meadow surrounding them, carried on the warm winds.

“What do you want to hear about?” Seokjin asks. “Another story about the adventures of bunny?”

“No,” Jungkook tells him. “I’m too old for that now.”

“Why, because you’re five?” Seokjin asks. “You liked my stories about bunny’s adventures last week.”

“I know,” Jungkook says. “But all the other pups say that their parents tell them real stories. About scary stuff.”

Seokjin frowns. “You want a scary story bun?” He seems reluctant.

“Well,” Jungkook says. He doesn’t really, but he thinks he should want one. His tiny hand tightens its hold on Seokjin’s bigger one. “Yeah. I want to hear one.”

“I don’t know,” Seokjin sounds troubled.

“Tell me about the humans,” Jungkook offers. He’s heard the other pups mention them.

Seokjin sighs. “Oh, alright. I’ll tell you a story about the humans.”

He rearranges his robes, and he lets Jungkook pillow his head in Seokjin’s lap. Seokjin starts to run his fingers through Jungkook’s hair, and it’s so soothing that he almost forgets about the story.

“Tell it to me!”

“Okay, bun,” Seokjin laughs. “A long time ago, wolves and humans weren’t so separated. Packs came across humans quite frequently. Most of the time, it was cordial, friendly. Packs were even allowed to adopt human children who were orphans and had no family to take them in. But one day, it all changed. No one really knows when the change started, but packs started disappearing. Hunters appeared, tracking down wolf packs and annihilating them. Whole towns died in these attacks. The hunters were using a weapon that we’d never encountered before – wolfsbane.”

Jungkook shivers, and Seokjin draws him in closer.

“We still don’t have a real cure for it,” Seokjin continues. “It is a poison to us. And with wolfsbane, the humans were able to decimate our numbers. The wolf population dwindled down to only a few hundred. We were almost completely wiped out.”

“So what happened?” Jungkook whispers.

“The first Alpha,” Seokjin tells him. “The first Alpha saved us all.”

“What do you mean?”

“Before this happened, there was no difference between wolves,” Seokjin tells him, whispers it like a secret. “There was no alpha, no omega. But when our numbers got so low, our biology changed. It altered itself to survive the only way it knew how. Some wolves became alphas – the protectors, born to be bigger, stronger, built to kill humans, but more importantly, built to lead us out of our inevitable destruction. But a balance had to be maintained; alphas couldn’t exist without omegas. Alphas would destroy each other if there were no omegas to balance the pack. So some wolves became omegas – the heart of the pack, strong in a different sense. Our purpose is to create balance, harmony. So that all wolves can coexist peacefully.”

Jungkook is silent as he ponders this. “So what happened? We got our revenge on the humans?”

Seokjin is silent for a moment. He keeps running his fingers through Jungkook’s hair, and then he bops on Jungkook’s nose with a finger, and Jungkook goes cross-eyed to follow the movement.

“Revenge is a ticking time-bomb, bun,” Seokjin says. “You carry it with you, until it explodes, destroying everything around you and leaving you grasping at pieces. The first Alpha was smart enough to realize that. The first Omega made him understand. So no, they didn’t get revenge. They did something a lot better.”

“What’s that?”

“They made all human knowledge of us disappear. We don’t exist anymore.”

☽

Summer passes by, a series of long, blistering hot days and warm nights. Jungkook sleeps outside more often than not, partly because of the heat and partly because his Umma can’t stand the sight of him these days. The older he gets, the less she is able to look him in the face. His tenth birthday passes, and his Umma gets so drunk that she throws up in their tent. Jungkook has to clean it in the river, without any help because he hasn’t spoken to Seokjin in three weeks.

He’s not exactly upset at this, either. The longer he goes without speaking to Seokjin, the easier it is to accept what happened with the humans. To accept what he did, what he is. He was so scared the first night they got back, that he would see Seokjin, that Seokjin would take one look at him and now exactly how cruel Jungkook had been; exactly what horror Jungkook had committed.

But he’s not allowed to see Seokjin. No unmated alphas are.

Seokjin turns fifteen with a huge, pack-wide celebration, and even Alpha gifts him an elaborate present of beautiful earrings and necklaces. Seokjin’s never left alone, now. He’s always attended to by at least one mated alpha as a guard, and he gets to go on trips to visit surrounding packs. Sometimes Jungkook tries to catch his eye from a distance, to wave hello, but Seokjin’s gaze remains lowered, demure.

He wonders if Seokjin found out. He wonders if Seokjin knows, and if Seokjin hates him now. He feels something unpleasant curling deep in his gut, something that makes him feel sick to his stomach. He wonders if Seokjin forgot about him.

He hasn’t spoken to Seokjin in months.

He can’t remember the last time his Umma said more than two words to him.

When was the last time he said something?

“Jungkook,” he tests. His voice is raspy, rough from disuse. He says it quietly, so it’s barely discernable over the sound of the rushing river. He’s alone, but this still feels too private to say above a whisper. “Jungkook.”

That’s his name. Not freak, not monster, not pup. Those are the names he is called, but his real name is Jungkook. He wants someone to say it to him, and to smile while they do. It feels like too big of a dream, to much of a wish, but he can’t help how much he wants it anyway.

“Jungkook.”

☾

“Jungkook!”

He whirls at the sound of the harsh whisper, blinking in surprise. There’s no one there.

“Jungkook! Over here!”

He steps forward hesitantly, making his way around the back of one of the large tents set up for food. His feet sink into the soft ground made wet by the late April showers.

“…hyung?”

Seokjin is crouching behind the tent, his long hair tied back in a braid, wearing much simpler robes than the traditional ones he normally wears.

“Oh my god,” Seokjin whispers. He motions for Jungkook to come closer, straightening up as the alpha comes around the back of the tent.

Jungkook lets out a puff of air as the taller omega pulls him into a tight hug, burying his face into Jungkook’s shoulder. “Oh my god, I’ve missed you bunny.”

“Hyung?” Jungkook asks again; his voice warbles with emotion. He can’t even be upset at the nickname; he’s too happy to see Seokjin again. His hands come up to grip tightly at the back of Seokjin’s robes, and he closes his eyes. He feels soothed by the sound of Seokjin’s melodic voice, by the scent of flowers that surrounds him.

“I’ve missed you so much, bun,” Seokjin says again. “You know that right?”

“You didn’t forget about me?” Jungkook can’t help but ask, voice timid and muffled in Seokjin’s robes.

“No, of course not,” Seokjin tells him. “I could never, ever forget you, bun. Ever.”

Jungkook relaxes further into the hug, and then Seokjin pulls away. “I don’t know how much time we have to spend like this,” Seokjin says. “They might already notice I’m gone.”

“What do you mean?” Jungkook asks.

“The alpha assigned to me,” Seokjin says. He glances around, then meets Jungkook’s eyes again. “I’m not supposed to go anywhere without them. Not until I’m mated. And I’m not allowed to be here, with you, until after I’m mated. And even then, I might not be able to see you.”

“Why not?” Jungkook asks.

“It’s just the way things are,” Seokjin tells him. He sounds like he might cry. “Because I’m an omega. Because that’s all I’ll ever be. If I was an alpha, I would have more of a choice.”

“Oh,” Jungkook says. Choice? A choice in what? He feels a panic, momentarily, that he’s made the wrong choice without knowing it. What has he ever had a choice in?

“I might have to leave this pack,” Seokjin says then, voice thin and wavering. “I wanted you to find out from me.”

“What?” Jungkook breathes. “Hyung, no.”

“I’m sorry.” Seokjin’s voice cracks, and suddenly Jungkook cannot see him clearly anymore. His gaze is blurry with tears, and Jungkook presses his hands to his eyes angrily, wiping at tears with rough hands. He doesn’t want to cry.

“Hyung, no!” Jungkook begs. The panic has intensified to an insurmountable level; it feels like his chest is too tight to breathe, it feels like someone is screaming at him inside his head, it feels like he is falling apart. There is very little holding him together now. “You can’t leave me here, alone. Please, don’t do this to me.”

He can’t be alone anymore, he can’t, he hates it. Seokjin is the only thing he has in this world.

“I’m sorry,” Seokjin says again. He sounds like he’s crying. “I have to go now, bunny.”

Before Jungkook can say anything more, Seokjin is gone, moving swiftly around the side of the tent and disappearing in a swirl of robes.

Leave? Seokjin would have to leave?

What had Jungkook done so wrong to deserve this? What choice had he made that lead to this?

He remembers the humans in the meadow, and he groans, sinking down into a crouch, his head falling forward heavily. Perhaps one cruelty was being repaid with another.

He doesn’t know how long he stays there, crouched to the ground in an attempt to hold himself together, before the wind changes, unsettling the dead leaves at Jungkook’s feet, and brings with it the sudden sharp scent of burning flowers.

Jungkook’s head snaps up.

He takes off in the next moment, tracking the scent all the way passed three more tents and into the cover of the forest until he curves around the side of the rock face and pauses at the sight of Seokjin with three unmated alphas.

They are all alphas who have already been through their trials, but young enough that they haven’t found mates yet. They are all much bigger than Jungkook.

Seokjin is caught between them, and he smells terrified.

“Hyung!”

All four heads turn to his direction when he calls out, and Jungkook realizes immediately how stupid it was. He’s supposed to be a much better alpha than this.

Seokjin struggles in his captors’ hold. “Jungkookie!”

Jungkook moves forward, eyeing the way two of the alphas have a tight grip on Seokjin, the way Seokjin’s robes have been ripped at his sleeves, the way Seokjin’s braid is a mess, loose strands falling out. There is mud smeared against his cheek and the front of his robe, like he’d been pushed to the ground.

“Well, well, well,” one of the alphas says. She’s smirking. “Look what we have here. A little pup, thinking he can defend an omega. Do you want to play, little puppy?”

Jungkook releases a low growl at the taunt, and all three alphas laugh loudly.

“I think he wants to play,” one of the alphas holding Seokjin says. He’s the tallest of the group, and the thinnest. The other alpha is much stockier, with blond hair.

“Go on, Haeun,” the blond one says. “Play with him. Show the freak what he gets when he bites off more than he can chew.”

“No, please, no!” Seokjin pleads, trying to meet the gaze of each alpha. “Don’t hurt him.”

The alphas all laugh again. “Aw, do you need an omega to protect you, puppy?” Haeun mocks. “Are you scared of the big, bad alpha?”

“Let go of him,” Jungkook demands. “Before I make you.”

Haeun finds this hilarious. “What are you going to do if I don’t, freak?”

Jungkook reaches back for his blade that he keeps at his lower back, and then lets it fly.

“Mother fucker!” Haeun snaps, as the blade meets flesh, embedding itself into the soft muscle between her chest and shoulder. She looks up, but Jungkook’s already moving, taking hold of the blade and kicking out at the same time, sweeping Haeun’s feet out from under her as he pulls the blade out.

Haeun goes down in a heap, but she moves quickly, so that when Jungkook brings the blade down again, Haeun’s gone, rolled back to a crouching position.

“You’re one crazy pup, huh,” Haeun says, not looking so amused anymore.

Jungkook bares his teeth. “I said let him go.”

Haeun smirks. “I said no.”

Jungkook charges again, and they meet, snapping at each other. He slices at Haeun’s side with his blade, but misses. Haeun manages to get a hit in hard enough to Jungkook’s side that he gets winded, but Jungkook retaliates with a couple of punches to her face and Haeun has to release him.

They meet again, Jungkook getting a kick to Haeun’s side, but then Haeun gets a good enough grip on Jungkook’s wrist to force him to drop the knife. It goes flying somewhere into the bush.

But Jungkook has his teeth.

He lowers his jaw, elongating his teeth, releases an inhuman growl as he snaps at Haeun with his bite.

“You fucking freak!”

Haeun stumbles back, and Jungkook has the upper hand. She’s is bleeding from the stab to her shoulder, and from the other hits Jungkook’s managed to get in. Jungkook cradles his ribs, but it doesn’t matter now. One more hit and he can take Haeun down.

Haeun scrambles backwards as Jungkook advances, and then she surges to her feet. Jungkook has a split second to realize that Haeun’s hand has closed around a sharp rock, before it’s too late.

There is a sickening crunch as rock meets flesh, and Jungkook’s head snaps around from the force of the impact. In the sudden silence that follows, Jungkook drops like a sack of stones, knees hitting the ground hard, and then the rest of his body falls forward. His arms don’t come up to brace for the impact of the fall and his head bounces on the ground as his body collapses.

And then, Seokjin screams.

Jungkook can barely see through the warm blood that is suddenly running like rivulets from his face, stinging his eyes and clogging his mouth. He can taste it on his tongue and down his throat. Seokjin has renewed his struggle, desperately calling Jungkook’s name.

“Oh, fuck!” One of the alphas curses. “Did you kill him?”

“Who cares?” Haeun says dismissively. She drops the rock to the ground, turning to the group. “Now that that’s been dealt with, let’s have some fun, omega.”

Jungkook watches with vision tinged red with blood as Seokjin is dragged back through the forest, still desperately screaming his name.

When he wakes up, night has fallen.

He can’t remember, for a moment, why he is lying in the middle of the forest, covered in blood. He brings one hand up to touch at his face. The wound has healed, but it was deep enough to leave a scar on his cheek.

And then he remembers.

He pushes himself up, despite a wave of dizziness that threatens to cause him to faint again, and stumbles through the bush. But it’s been too long, and he’s too weak. He can’t track Seokjin’s scent.

He careens back into camp, desperate for help, but he falters at the sight.

Camp is empty.

He blinks, uncomprehending. The tents are still here, but there are no wolves. He doesn’t understand. He walks slowly through the camp, until he scents the air and follows the trail outside of camp, and all the way down into an open field.

When he gets closer, he finally understands.

“Where have you been?” his Umma snaps, when he steps up beside her. “And why are you covered in blood? I’m not washing your clothes, I hope you know that.”

“What happened?” he murmurs.

“They were caught trying to mate one of the pack omegas,” his Umma tells him. “Seokjin. Luckily, they were found before Seokjin lost his worth as an unmated omega.”

Jungkook’s eyes flicker to where his Umma is pointing. Seokjin can barely be seen behind the alphas who stand guard around him, or the omegas who’re hugging him in comfort. Seokjin is crying, silently.

Jungkook flickers his gaze over to the three alphas from the woods. All three have been tied to erected posts in the field, and they are shirtless. Already, each of their backs are bloodied by whip marks.

Alpha is standing alone, holding the whip.

“You really think you could go behind my back and mate with one of my omegas?”

He snaps the whip at each of them again, and the blond alpha releases a guttural noise in pain.

“You thought of challenging me?”

The whip snaps.

“That omega belongs to me!”

☽

He does not see Seokjin again.

He meets Seokjin’s gaze once, at one of the summer celebrations. Seokjin does not wave; Seokjin does not smile.

Seokjin’s eyes glaze over him with the same disregard as his Umma, as Minseok, as Alpha.

It hurts. It hurts worse than the rock to his face, than when Minseok broke his arm, than the time he’d been pushed from a tree by the other alpha pups and fallen ten feet to the ground below.

It hurts, but Jungkook deserves it.

(Seokjin’s attack was his fault, he knows. Seokjin had only snuck away from his guard to see Jungkook, after all. Jungkook really is a cruelty to everything he touches.)

☾

It is the panicked footsteps that first pulls Jungkook from his sleep.

Next, it’s the frantic calls across camp.

The scent of camp has changed; something ominous has replaced it.

Jungkook pushes himself up. He’s sleeping outside again, because he’s welcomed less and less in his Umma’s tent now that he’s eleven. He’s a year away from his alpha trials at this point, so he’s sure it’s because his Umma thinks he won’t pass them.

He moves like a shadow through camp, trying to figure out what has happened, what’s wrong.

The alphas are in an uproar; they are assembling into their tracking units. The units are only meant for big hunts.

“…can’t be gone long…”

“Did anyone catch a scent?”

“Who saw him last?”

“Seokjin ran away!”

…What?

Jungkook stops. The early morning light has barely crested the horizon, and the cool October air bites at Jungkook’s skin, but it is nothing compared to the ice that spreads throughout Jungkook’s body like a sickness, freezing him from the inside out.

What?

That can’t be right; Seokjin can’t be missing.

He turns back, takes off in a quick sprint to Seokjin’s tent. But he can see it even before he gets close – the tent flaps are wide open, and it is empty inside.

Nononononononono!

He runs again. He can track Seokjin, he has to. He’s the best tracker in his group of alphas, he always has been. His nose has always been the best.

He can’t, he can’t, don’t LEAVE ME

He shifts into his wolf form and he’s in the forest in the next second, his paws pounding at the forest floor and scaring away small prey as they scatter into the trees. He can pick up Seokjin’s scent, but it’s so faint that it might disappear with the next gust of wind.

Please come back, come back, I’ll do ANYTHING

He follows the scent up a hill and down into a valley, and then back up another hill.

You said you would protect me, you said you wouldn’t forget me!

He bursts through the trees and splashes into the rushing river, shifting back into his human form. Seokjin’s scent has vanished. He was smart, using the river. Jungkook would have done the same if he had to disappear.

He’s hit with the brutal truth, with the harsh reality of the situation.

Seokjin is gone.

Jungkook breath catches. He thinks, distantly, that he might be hyperventilating. He’s never had a panic attack before, but he can’t imagine giving this feeling a different name, because the onslaught of pain is so overwhelming that he thinks his heart might give out. Why hadn’t he ever been trained to defend himself against an attack like this? He can’t get oxygen into his lungs fast enough and his vision is fuzzy, and he feels like he might collapse from the agony.

A scream rips from his throat, from deep in his chest, visceral and inhuman. Or perhaps, it is a reaction so human that it terrifies him to his core. The sharp wailing cry echoes into the surrounding forest, bouncing back into his ears. It’s the bloodcurdling sound of a frightened child, lost in the midst of a dark forest with no way out. He falls to his hands and knees, the cold water like ice against his skin. It feels like his heart is beating too fast; he’s never felt this scared in his life.

The agony is unbearable. He wants to die because it’s so painful.

“Come back,” he croaks, his voice barely more than a whisper. “Please, hyung, come back.”

Don’t leave me.

☽

Jungkook’s pack life has never been particularly good. He has no other life to compare it to, except to the other alpha pups in his pack. He knows that he’s different though, because he doesn’t have an Appa. So he’s not even sure if he can compare his life to theirs.

But sometimes, when he lies beneath the stars at night, he imagines a life where his Umma was like the other Ummas of the pack. Maybe she would kiss him on his forehead, or remember his birthday. Maybe she would say “I’m proud of you” or maybe she would even say “I love you”. When he thinks about these things, he shivers, and goosebumps appear on his skin. They are things that would bring him so much happiness that it almost feels like he shouldn’t be thinking about them. That he’s not allowed to think about them.

Seokjin used to do those things, before Jungkook hurt him and made Seokjin leave him all alone, forgotten.

In fact, his absolute favourite life to imagine was one where it was just him and Seokjin, living together in the forest. Jungkook would go out hunting and bring back a meal, and Seokjin would smile at him and tell him he did a good job, and that he was a good alpha. Then Seokjin would let Jungkook curl up beside him, and tell him a story about the adventures of bunny. The stories wouldn’t even be that good, because Seokjin always laughed too hard at his own jokes before he could even finish saying them. But it would be alright, because he would run his hands through Jungkook’s hair and then he’d sing Jungkook to sleep.

And when they lived like this, alone but together, nothing could ever hurt them. Jungkook wouldn’t have to kill anybody to keep them safe, because in this imaginary world, nothing ever wanted to hurt them.

Cruelty didn’t exist here.

(But then, neither would Jungkook.)

☾

Two days pass, and then they come for Jungkook.

Two alphas drag him from his furs in the early morning. He wakes up too slowly, and he’s already halfway through camp before he thinks to try to escape their grasp. By then it’s too late.

His pack watch him with cold, unforgiving eyes, and he tries desperately to find his Umma but she’s nowhere to be seen.

“It’s the freak’s fault.”

They blame him for Seokjin’s disappearance.

He’s dragged to an erected post just outside the camp lines, exposed and open to the harsh elements. His hands are bound around the post in such a way that he’s forced to remain upright on his knees, hugging the post. The rough wood grates against his bare chest and against the insides of his arms. His hands are bound so tight that he can feel the ropes digging into his skin.

“I should have killed you when you were pulled from your Umma,” Alpha says to him. “I never should have been generous enough to let you live. You’re a plague upon our pack.”

Jungkook bows his head. He knows what comes next.

He spends three days tied to the post, whipped each afternoon for his role in Seokjin’s disappearance. It doesn’t matter that he hasn’t spoken to Seokjin in months – everyone knew they used to be close, and everyone hated it.

The first whipping he receives nearly sends him into shock from how painful it is. His back burns, it feels like it’s on fire. He can feel his own blood running down his back from the open wounds, soaking into the hem of his pants. The scent of it fills the air around him and nearly makes him sick.

It does not compare to the pain of losing Seokjin.

They keep asking him what he knows, but Jungkook doesn’t know anything. He tries to tell them he hasn’t talked to Seokjin in a long time, he tries to tell them that he doesn’t know where Seokjin went. No one believes him.

No one wants to believe him.

He’s left tied to the post that night, unable to get a good night’s sleep because he’s forced to remain upright. He misses Seokjin so deeply he feels the ache in his bones. He doesn’t even have his cord necklace with the wooden wolf totem anymore; he’d lost it after hunting the humans and he’d never been able to tell Seokjin or ask for a new one. It’s as lost to him as Seokjin is.

By the following afternoon, he’s half delirious from exhaustion, though his wounds have healed, leaving only the faintest of scars for the torture he had endured.

They whip him again.

It is both more and less painful. He keeps imagining he can see Seokjin staring at him from the crowd with sad eyes, but when he blinks, Seokjin is no longer there. Blood pools at his feet, and it stains the soles of his feet red. The sharp smell of his own blood cuts through the air and Jungkook cannot stop the tears that fall from his eyes. He’s not sure if it’s for the whipping or for Seokjin.

They whip him once more on the third day, but by that point he is too exhausted to move. His throat is raw from screaming. His wounds aren’t healing as well as they should.

Alpha decides he doesn’t know anything, but it doesn’t mean Jungkook is any less of an outcast. He is ignored by the camp, and his Umma forbids him from sharing a tent. Jungkook has nothing.

Jungkook becomes nothing.

☽

His alpha trial begins one week after his twelfth birthday.

Seokjin has been missing for a year now. He was never found, and the trail ran cold after the river. No matter how many alphas they sent out to track him, the trail came up empty. Alpha even put out feelers to other packs, but no one had seen him.

He waits at the edge of the forest, already in his wolf form, for his alpha trial to begin. He has his sack around his neck too. Though the bag is large enough to be slung around his back in his human form, he is so large as a wolf that it sits around his neck like a collar, almost disappearing into his fur. It is clipped snugly, similar to how humans would wear a bag around their hips.

No one is here to see him off, except for Minseok and Alpha. He did try to say goodbye to his Umma this morning, but she stayed in her tent and didn’t answer him when he said he’d see her soon.

“You will have three days to return to us, understand?” Alpha asks. His gaze is scornful, his tone is contemptuous. Jungkook hates him more than anyone else he’s ever known.

Jungkook bows his head in the respect he doesn’t feel, and then he takes off in a steady gait, disappearing quickly into the forest and leaving camp behind.

He travels far from camp; he knows with all the noise that large prey have been scared off. The farther from camp he gets, the bigger the prey he will find. The purpose of the alpha trials was to find prey worthy of their pack, to make the kill, and bring it back.

And, most importantly, it was to be done alone.

Wolves may be pack animals, but Jungkook’s pack had always believed that one weak wolf meant an entire weak pack. No alpha could afford to be weak. And Jungkook, the freak, could afford it even less.

His run is peaceful. The farther away from camp he gets, the more relaxed he feels. Out here in the wilderness there are no harsh words, no judging eyes. He doesn’t feel like every step he makes is the wrong one. There are no expectations of him, out here. And he has three whole days to himself.

He has always been lonely, but at least it is less obvious when he is literally alone.

He stumbles upon a bear much earlier than he expects too.

He crouches low behind a bush, watching the bear lumbering through the forest. A bear would be an excellent prize to bring back to camp; bears usually take at least three wolves to take down, but if Jungkook has the element of surprise and he’s quick on his feet, he’d be able to do it.

And then, once he brings it back, no one would be able to deny him as an alpha. He’d have a place in the pack forever.

Decision made, he moves out, paws silent against the ground as he tracks the bear. He only needs to get close enough to make one initial attack. If it’s deadly enough, he can sit back and watch the bear die.

He gets closer and closer, paws silent on the forest floor and his scent almost completely gone. His golden eyes glow in the setting sunlight. He blends so seamlessly into the surrounding forest that he is almost invisible.

He is so silent that he can hear the trickle of the stream, the huffing of the bear, and the faintest twang! of a bow.

The first arrow hits his side, just below where his ribs end, in the softest part of his body. It’s so shocking that it takes him a moment to realize what’s happened, before the sudden explosion of pain, white hot agony racing up his side.

He falters from the attack, a pained noise escaping his throat.

He’s still aware enough to hear two more arrows; he manages to dodge as the first arrow hits a tree and the second hits the ground where he was standing moments before.

It’s impossible, it’s incomprehensible. He can’t smell any other wolves but somehow there is a pack of wolves shooting at him. He catches a glimpse of them between the trees. What’s even more incomprehensible is the radiating pain from the first arrow. The pain is so agonizing he nearly blacks out from it.

He’s forced to shift into his human form to pull the arrow out. Already, he can tell something isn’t quite right. The arrow has left a blackened puncture wound in his side, and he’s not healing. The skin around the wound is hot to the touch, and it sends shooting spikes of pain throughout his body when he touches it.

He cries out at the pain of it.

Another arrow flies by, so close that it brushes his hair, and Jungkook takes off in a run, shifting back into his wolf form as he launches himself forward. He’s lost his bag somewhere behind him but it isn’t important now; he must escape this attack.

He runs and runs, no destination in mind except the single thought of making it out alive. He takes a deep breath and then pulls on his scent, taking it deep within himself so that he becomes scentless, invisible, nothing. It is the only way that he can throw off the trackers; it’s his only defense.

He should be healing by now, but he isn’t. The wound is bleeding steadily, and the pain rips through him with each step he takes. All he can focus on is keeping his scent locked deep inside; of living. But the world around him tilts sideways, and he feels like he’s going to throw up from the burning pain.

He doesn’t know how long he runs until he starts seeing black spots appear. He can’t run straight anymore; he hits two trees with his body, he trips over a rock, he falls once, twice, struggling back up to his feet. The wound at his side feels like it is slicing through his body. He can barely see; the world is titling on its axis, wobbling in his view.

In his many experiences with death, he thinks this might be the closest he’s ever gotten.

He takes one more step and then he is falling through air; his body bouncing painfully down a slope until he makes it to the bottom, and he rolls over twice until he comes to a stop, shifted back into his human form.

It is silent; Jungkook can barely move. His limbs feel like they weigh a thousand pounds each. His head feels hot and it feels like it’s pounding against his skull. He can barely see through the black spots in his vision.

He hears the quiet patter of quick footsteps, and then a shocked gasp.

“Taehyung, get my Appa!”

One set of footsteps fades away, and another pair approach. He’s gently rolled onto his back, his head lolling to the side. He cracks his eyes open.

Once, when Jungkook was still very young, Seokjin had told him a story about the most beautiful creatures that ever existed. Beautiful, delicate, and graceful; they lived up in the sky because they came from heaven. Jungkook thinks how lucky he is to have found one now.

“ ’ngel,” he croaks.

The omega boy hovering above him is beautiful. His eyes sparkle in the moonlight, and he takes hold of Jungkook’s hand tightly. His palm is soft against Jungkook’s own roughened skin. The sweet scent of cinnamon and sugar saturates the air around them and it soothes Jungkook. Everything seems to soften, suddenly; even the wound at his side isn’t so painful anymore.

“What?” The boy whispers. He sounds so worried; Jungkook doesn’t understand why.

“Angel,” he says again. He can’t believe he found one.

“No,” the boy says, confused. “That’s not my name.”

He turns around at the sound of more footsteps, but Jungkook doesn’t look away from the boy’s face. He’s just so stunning, and Jungkook’s always had a soft spot for pretty things.

Another omega drops to his knees beside Jungkook, this time an adult. He grasps Jungkook’s chin in his hand, tilting Jungkook’s face towards him.

“Oh my god,” the omega whispers. He sounds horrified. Jungkook wonders what has happened, but he can’t focus on anything besides the pain at his side and the scent of cinnamon and sugar.

“Appa, what’s wrong with his eyes?” the angelic boy whimpers.

Freak! Jungkook thinks. He’d hoped the angel wouldn’t think of him that way.

“Yeah,” a new voice asks; there is a boy hovering just behind the angel. “Why are his eyes black?”

“He’s sick,” the omega says quietly. “He’s very sick.” He lets go of Jungkook’s chin, and Jungkook immediately turns his head to look up at the angel again.

The omega moves Jungkook’s arms, and Jungkook can’t help but cry out in pain when the wound is exposed.

“Appa stop!” the angel says, and his voice cracks a little. “You’re hurting him!”

“He’s been in a lot of pain for a while,” the omega tells them. “He needs the hospital. We can’t fix this. Taehyung, can you get me a blanket from the car?”

The other boy takes off in a run, and he soon returns with a thick blue blanket. The omega takes it from Taehyung and wraps it around Jungkook’s body. “We’re going to help you, okay pup? Can you tell us your name?”

But Jungkook doesn’t answer; he’s too weak. The omega picks him up, and Jungkook tightens his grasp on the angel’s hand; he can’t let him go, not now, not for anything.

“Appa, I think he wants to hold on to me,” the angel says. His own hand tightens around Jungkook’s.

“Okay, Jimin-ah,” the omega says. “Sit in the back with him, okay? Keep him awake.”

“I will,” the angel, Jimin, says dutifully.

Jungkook is deposited onto something comfy, and then Jimin crawls in beside him, keeping hold of Jungkook’s hand. Jungkook has no idea what he’s sitting in, or what a car is, but he isn’t worried. He can’t be, not with the angel brushing his sweaty hair out of his face and whispering to him softly.

“My name is Jimin,” the angel says. “What’s your name?”

Jungkook feels too weak to answer. He only has enough energy to keep his eyes fixed on the angel, to keep hold of the angel’s hand, and so that’s all he does.

“It’s okay if you can’t tell me,” Jimin tells him. His smile is so warm despite the sparkle of tears clinging to his eyelashes. Jimin reaches over with his free hand to tuck the blanket more firmly around Jungkook’s body. “You’re probably feeling really hurt, and that’s why you don’t want to talk. It’s okay if you just want to hold my hand. I won’t let go.”

A tear slips out of Jungkook’s eye, trailing down the side of his face, and Jimin wipes it away.

“Don’t cry,” he whispers. “You’re gonna be okay, I promise.”

He leans in closer, and then his nose scrunches a little bit. “Appa,” Jimin calls out. “Why does he smell like that?”

“Like what?”

Jimin leans in closer, his nose almost brushing Jungkook’s scent gland. “Like nothing. I can’t smell him.”

There is a silence that descends in the car for a moment, and even in Jungkook’s addled state, he can tell something isn’t quite right. “He’s very sick, Jimin-ah,” the omega repeats. “His body is fighting very hard right now. We can only pray that he doesn’t give up.”

Silence falls in the car again, and then Jimin curls even closer to Jungkook. “Please don’t leave me, please live. Don’t give up.”

The angel wants him to live. Someone wants him to live.

Jungkook uses the last of his strength to tilt his head back, and his nose brushes Jimin’s scent gland.

An explosion of cinnamon and sugar melts on his tongue. “Angel,” he slurs, once more.

And then Jungkook blacks out.

When he wakes up again, he is alone. He’s lying on a white bed in a white room with white furniture.

He looks around slowly; nothing is familiar.

The clean, sterile scent grates at his nose, and he sneezes twice.

He feels a lot better now, and when he moves there is no sharp pain that races up his side. It’s a dull ache now, and his vision is clear and he no longer feels nauseous. He is shirtless, and he lifts his arm to check his left side.

The wound has closed, though the scar is unlike anything Jungkook’s ever seen. Normally, a wolf’s healing ability wouldn’t cause a scar like this to form. Jungkook brushes his fingers over the raised skin, the rough marks of the wound. The wound is black, under his skin, like a web; a facsimile of a tattoo. It spreads its onyx fingers from the wound, reaching up his ribs and towards his back.

He snaps his head up as the door opens, and a tall alpha enters his room. He’s dressed in a long white coat, and he’s carrying a clipboard.

He stops short at the sight of Jungkook’s wary gaze.

“You’re awake,” the alpha says, unnecessarily.

Jungkook doesn’t answer. He scans the alpha to determine if he is a threat. But he’s old, and Jungkook could easily slip by him. Next, he looks towards the door which the alpha has left open. There’s also the window on the other side of the room.

“My name is Hyosang. I’m the doctor who’s been looking after you. How are you feeling?”

Jungkook snaps his gaze back. He still doesn’t answer.

Hyosang moves forward, and he looks at the screens next to Jungkook’s bed. It is then that Jungkook realizes there are tubes coming down from a clear bag, and that this tube is attached to his arm. He reaches over to take it out, but the alpha’s hand stops him.

“This is medicine,” he explains. “You’ve been poisoned with wolfsbane. You need this to help flush the rest of the poison from your system.”

Jungkook frowns. His eyebrows knit in confusion. How would he have been exposed to wolfsbane?

Hyosang reaches for the bed covers, tugging them lower to expose Jungkook’s wound, perhaps in response to Jungkook’s confusion.

“You were pierced by something that was covered in wolfsbane,” he explains. “The poison was in your system for some time, but it was not enough to kill you quickly. You’re lucky you were brought here when you were; I’m not sure how long you would have lasted otherwise.”

He finishes inspecting the wound, and then draws the covers back up. “I’m sorry, but there’s nothing we can do about the poison’s mark. Wolfsbane leaves its brand on all its victims. You’ll carry these scars for the rest of your life.”

Jungkook flickers his eyes down, and then back up. That’s not important; there is something even more essential. Something he’s not sure is real or a dream he made up in his head.

“Angel?”

Hyosang meets his eyes with a surprised look. “What?”

“Angel,” Jungkook repeats. He clears his throat. “Jimin-ah.”

The doctor frowns. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about. Is this your name?”

Jungkook shakes his head, perhaps a little violently because his head is starting to hurt. “Jimin-ah.”

“I don’t know who that is,” the doctor says. “I’m sorry.”

This doctor can’t help him.

Jungkook dismisses him by flicking his eyes to the closed window. The doctor remains with him for a few more minutes, asking questions Jungkook does not answer until he finally sighs in exhaustion and leaves the room. Jungkook curls into a small ball when he is finally alone.

He remembers what happened in the forest; he remembers being hunted. He remembers seeing Minseok’s face as he shot an arrow at Jungkook. He can never return to his pack, the pack that tried to kill him. He supposes in the end they never wanted him to return.

He has nothing now. He has no home, he has no pack, he has nobody other than himself.

He is, truly, utterly, alone.

A sob catches in his throat, thick and painful. But Jungkook’s always been a silent crier, and he’s still a silent crier now. The tears soak into the pillow below him, and he wipes at his wet cheeks angrily. Where does he go from here?

He rolls onto his side, and he hears a crinkling noise from beneath his pillow. He pushes himself up, and reaches underneath it. He pulls out a folded-up piece of paper.

He sits up in his bed, cross-legged, and unfolds the white paper, smoothing it out on his knee.

Hello Shadow!

I don’t know your name, so I’m calling you Shadow. It’s because your eyes are black. Appa says that they’re only black because you’re sick. What colour eyes do you normally have? I hope you feel better soon so I can see.

You fell asleep in the car. I think you were really hurt, so I hope that the hospital makes you feel better. Appa says that they’ll help you, so let them make you feel better, okay?

I wanted to stay with you longer at the hospital but you haven’t woken up yet, and Appa says that we have to go home. He said that the hospital is going to find your pack. Maybe once you’re all better you can come play alphas and omegas with me. Taehyung doesn’t like that game because he’s a beta, but I think you’d be a great alpha!

I asked Appa what an angel is, because you kept saying it, even when you were sleeping. He said that an angel is someone really beautiful, who brings light with them wherever they go. And you called me that, a lot. I really liked it. So that’s also why I called you Shadow, because shadows only exist where there is light, don’t you know? As long as I’m here, you will be too.

So please don’t leave me.

Your Angel, Jimin

Jungkook presses the letter to his chest, right above his beating heart. He can almost taste cinnamon and sugar on his tongue, he can almost hear the melodic voice in his ears.

“Angel,” he whispers, like it’s a secret only he knows. He never wants to forget. “Jimin.”

☾

Saudade (n.) – a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent person or thing that one loves. It often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never be had again.