Chapter Text
Then
Lilith woke up in cold sweat. The night was freezing and she felt it in her bones. The chimney had gone cold hours away. She sat up on her bed, letting the sheets fall from her frame. She looked around, wary of the shadows. Good, she was alone.
She let herself fall back on the bed with a sigh. The nightmares were getting worse. She wasn’t sure how much of it she would be able to take. So far she spent five out of the seven week days trapped with Lucifer and the other two she had for herself were plagued with nightmares that had her shaking and screaming the whole night, unable to scape her terrors.
-Enough is enough.
She said out loud, trying to sound brave for herself. She failed, her voice broke towards the end of the sentence and she ended up hugging herself, looking for comfort.
To make matters worse the pregnancy was going with much trouble as a demon pregnancy for the devil’s spawn would be expected to be. She had morning sickness all day, was barely able to eat, became dizzy when she made too much effort and was tired and in pain pretty much all the time.
Some tears prickled at her eyes and she quickly dabbed at them with the hem of her sleeve. To top it all she was very emotional this days. It seemed as if centuries of repressing feelings, only letting them out in small bits from time to time, were coming to bite her in the ass.
Lilith swung her legs from her bed ready to get out. There was no way she would be able to sleep now. She staggered on her feet and needed a few seconds to regain her balance, but she managed.
-I need to get away from here. Just a couple of days, until I can sort my thoughts out.
She walked towards her mirror and stood frozen staring at her appearance.
She had held onto Mary Wardwell´s body so long, it now felt as her own. From what she remembered from her old days it was probably how she would have looked if she had actually grown old as a human. Her brown hair fell in messy waves framing her face, cheekbones sharper than ever and eye bags bigger than life from the stress and lack of sleep. She looked so tired and she felt it too. She needed to rest, away from hell. Away from the Morningstar’s and the crown that should have been hers.
And impulsive thought came to her. What if she ran away right there? It wasn’t planned and no one would expect it, Lucifer wouldn’t expect it. He wasn’t there to catch her.
But where could she go?
She knew the answer before she had finished asking.
The Spellman house was the only placed warded enough against the devil. She thought back to the older Spellman kicking her out when she had begged for asylum and dread settled on her stomach. That was what in the end had landed her in this whole mess. She shook her head, hating the woman, then feeling the wave of pain that always came when she thought of Zelda Spellman. She hated how weak she had felt, how humiliated it had been to be thrown out by the woman who once had worshipped her.
To be rejected by the one being she actually thought would help.
The only one who had genuinely made her happy.
That was life for her she supposed, everyone used Lilith when she was needed but when she needed someone no one was there. And she had come to terms with it and was relatively fine with it. Or so she told herself. In reality she wasn’t but she refused to have that conversation with her feelings. Building a wall to ward emotions was the secure option.
She weighed her options. Convince them to let her stay at the Spellman house. She would surely get kicked out faster than before, with now Sabrina being official queen and all. The Spellman matriarch had always blamed her for it and she was not entirely wrong. And maybe she would be off at the academy and someone else would let her in or kick her out.
-Well if they say no I’ll just go back to same old hell.
But she knew she owed to herself to at least try and she really did not want to spend another night in hell.
Without bothering to put on shoes Lilith grabbed one of her simple coats, a grey thing no one would recognize on her. She had to act quickly, time was of essence. If found out, punishment would be severe. It was one of Lucifer’s favorite hobbies.
She vanished in a whirl of fire and appeared outside the Spellman house. It was still dark, probably the witching hour. She grimaced at the irony and knocked strongly at the doors.
She stood outside, freezing, reproaching herself for not bringing shoes and picking such a light coat. The thing was meant for a light autumn breeze and it seemed to be winter. No one came.
The demoness was about to give up when an inside light turned on and she heard footsteps coming her way.
She prepared herself and allowed the hopeful thought that it would be Hilda, and that the goodly witchy would take pity on her and let her spend the night.
No such luck would come her way.
-Who the heaven knocks on the door at this time on a bloody week night?! I sure hope they’re ready to get lost!
She heard her before she saw her.
A very angry looking Zelda Spellman opened the door, clearly disturbed from being waken up from sleep at those hours.
-You?
Zelda crossed her arms and look at her from head to toes with a look of disgust drawn on her porcelain features.
-Was I not clear enough last time? What the heaven do you want?
Lilith stood rotted on the spot. She had not expected this. Back in hell all she wanted was out of the torture for a night, and she hadn’t really considered what it would imply for her feelings too actually see Zelda Spellman. The weakness must be making me impulsive, she thought, feeling like a cornered animal who wanted to scape but had nowhere to truly go.
-Is this a joke to annoy us? To bother me? Is that the sole purpose of your existence, Lilith?
Zelda was especially cruel, she did not appreciate being woken up. She had been having an awful week, filled with insomnia and now that she had finally gotten some sleep she was woken up to the mother of demons looking worse for wear on her doorstep.
-I heard you allied yourself with Lucifer.- She added with disdain trying to get some words out of the brunette.
-I, I-y-yes. Sort of. No! I mean I am in hell. Literal hell. But I don’t want it. I don’t want to serve the devil. I told you that before and I stand by my word.- She staggered out, stumbling with the words. Her blue eyes tired yet begging the witch to let her stay.
-Why are you here Lilith?- Zelda sounded tired and she leaned against the door, suppressing a yawn. –For your looks it doesn’t seem to be an official visit so I must ask. Off records, are we in trouble? Is the devil planning another apocalypse? Will he be coming again for Sabrina?
And there it was, the familiar way people would need things from Lilith. Whether it was questions or a favour, it was always there. The demoness ignored the pain on her chest and nodded. If she was able to play her cards well she might get a night in. And why was Zelda asking for Sabrina, didn’t she know her niece was the Queen of Hell?
-I’ll tell you all you want to know, I just have one thing to ask.
Zelda eyed her with distrust and crossed her arms. She could tell there was something off about the demoness but she could not quite place it.
-It is not much, I just need to spend a couple of nights here. Or one night, tonight. I can’t go back to hell.
She tried to play her cards, to show no emotion, but her voice cracked and she added the last sentence. She knew she had blown it, the witch would see her weakness and ask for something bigger in exchange. Yet she had no leverage to give, she was tired, exhausted from keeping up a front and she could feel it crumbling down any second.
Just not in hell, she thought to herself, please don’t reject me again, I can’t go back there.
Zelda rose one eyebrow and this time eyed her with interest, finally picking on her emotion.
-What have you done now Lilith?
The demoness wanted to cry. Oh Zelda, if only you knew; she thought.
-Please, I’ll stay out of your way, you and your family won’t even notice I’m here. And I’ll tell you all about hell, Lucifer’s plans for Sabrina, for Greendale and the world. Everything. Anything you want.
She left the final words hanging, a new tactic for her plan forming on her mind.
Zelda stared, now her face an unreadable mask.
Lilith tried again, she would trade anything for a night out of hell.
-Do you want me to beg? Is that it? I am asking you nicely…
Lilith gave a bold step towards Zelda and felt very dizzy, one of her demonic pregnancy symptoms coming up.
-Oh, not now.- A hand flew to her temple and she tried to control her balance, instead crashing towards the floor. And she would have fallen, had it not been for Zelda’s hands reacting quickly and grabbing her by the shoulders before she connected with the floor.
-Will you tell me now what is going on? I don’t believe for a second you just run out of hell to give me intel at 3 am. Your hair is a mess, you are not wearing any shoes and you are shivering under that semblance of a coat that’s too big for you and in that nighty.
Lilith tried to laugh from her spot in Zelda’s arms but it came out as a grimace of pain. Of course the ginger wouldn’t believe her story, she was too smart for that.
-It is a long story.
-We have all night ahead.
-Does that mean I can stay?
-We’ll see, Lilith. For now let’s just go into the living room before you freeze out here.
Lilith gave a small nod, she was freezing, and tried to stand up holding onto Zelda for support. After a few minutes the witch, tired of watching her pitiful attempts, pulled her into the house and closed the door behind them.
Now
The house is warm and for the first time in weeks Lilith doesn’t feel like dying, she really hopes she’ll be able to stay. It is like slowly waking up from a really bad dream, all her thoughts are cloudy and for a moment she wonders how she got there.
-Speak, now.- The ginger witch commands.
-Couch?
The brunette strains to ask, feeling pain cursing through her body, one of the worse symptoms she has. Usually when they came it was late at night and she simply laid still on her bed in hell trying not to cry too much. When she was with Lucifer she had to manage to make no sound and pretend nothing happened, he didn’t like seeing that side of her.
Zelda looks at her with a look she can’t identify. Is that pity? Or worry? Fear? No, she must be seeing things, lately the witch doesn’t look at her with anything but disdain or just ignored her.
The ginger, seemingly she has decided Lilith is in no shape to be a threat, carries her bridal style towards one of the large couches. She drops her and the other woman bites a grown. The movement hurt, but she doesn’t want to show more weakness than she already has.
Slowly the pain begins to decrease and Lilith manages to get on a sitting position, huddling herself in her light coat. It is not freezing, but it is still a bit cold. Zelda looks at her from the other side of the coach and with a spell lights up the fire.
Lilith says thank you with her blue eyes and a curt nod, afraid that anything she might say will get her kicked out and back to hell. She now knows she won’t be able to make the trip back, she’s too exhausted to even think of moving. The couch is feeling so very comfortable and she just wants to close her eyes and take a nap right there.
She does so for a few moments, until a sharp cough and the smell of a cigarette bring her back. She takes a deep breath and looks down before speaking up.
-I fucked up.
Zelda laughs and lets out a trail of smoke.
-Well no shit, I figured that much out.
Lilith keeps staring at the fire until she speaks up again.
-It’s disguise. The coat being too big. No one would associate it with me.
She tries to talk of simplest aspects and Zelda seems to take the bait.
-Well I certainly wouldn’t think you would own such a piece of clothing.
-I didn’t. It was from Adam…
Before she finishes speaking she knows she has fucked up. Zelda doesn’t know about Mary Wardwell’s fiancé whom the dark lord killed and fed to her so she would know she would never be free from him. And she really doesn’t want to talk about it.
-Who?
-Nothing.
-You promised to answer anything.- Zelda reminds her, gently compared to her previous rude tones yet not as gently as a friend. She remembers Mary had said “For Adam”. It obviously was the same Adam and the witch wants answers.
Lilith sighs and hugs herself tighter. Better to get it over with.
-Smart witch. I did, didn’t I? He was Mary Wardwell’s fiancé. He’s dead now, by the Dark Lord’s hand. Next question.
Zelda stares at her, face unreadable, and shakes her head. A thousand questions cross her mind.
-No, wait what? She had a fiancé? More like, you knew that human fiancé? What happened to him? Surely you had a hand on his demise.
-Must you ask so many questions about that? I thought you’d like to know about hell or your niece.
Lilith feels tears prickling behind her eyes and forces herself to breath to keep them down. Damn her emotions exploding up.
-You woke me up, I am no longer tired and right now I want to ask about that.- Zelda says, knowing she has found a rough spot for the brunette. Call it being cruel, Lilith would have to earn her place in the Spellman house. Specially after she brought back Mary and the damn woman ended up shooting her, not that Lilith needs to know that. And the ginger witch is not in a benevolent mode after being rudely woken up. Also she feels a weird tingle when she thinks of Lilith and that man. She attributes it to the lack of sleep and finally understanding some motivation behind the woman who shot her.
-She had a fiancé. Adam Masters. He came back on valentine’s days. I got on with him. He was nice. He told me to go to with him to Tibet. Stolas told the Dark Lord. Once he found out he killed Adam. He posed as him on a dinner, only to reveal mid-course he was Lucifer and the steak was Adam. He made me eat him. It hurt. I killed Stolas. Anything else you want to know?
Lilith answers mechanically, staring into nothingness. A single tear drops from one of her eyes and she swiftly dries it before it can fall too far.
Zelda stares at her shocked.
-What?- She whispers, ashes fall from her cigarette onto her clothes but doesn’t notice.
-He died because I cared about him. –With that Lilith frowns, she had never told anyone about Adam and it feels a bit good to mention her pain out loud. Not that she is willing to repeat it anytime soon.
-Is that why you said you fucked up?
-No, that was earlier. Before He was even on human form.- She doesn’t need to add who “He” is.
-I don’t know what to say.
-Then don’t say anything. Have I satisfied your curiosity? Can I stay now?
Lilith hates how hopeful her voice sounds. And her ice blue eyes shine with even more hope when Zelda nods.
-Just for tonight, but I am not done with the interrogatory. You’ll answer some more in the morning.
Lilith can barely keep the tired smile from her face. In the morning, that means Zelda isn’t expecting her to be out then. She has a place to stay.
-I will.