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Fairy tales of princesses, beauties, and magical old women were so common you would think that's all fairly tales were. But Lydia Deetz, resident weirdo with aloof demeanor, much preferred the original stories. The grizzly Brothers Grimm tales saw her through many sleepless night. She reveled in the karmic comeuppance, gruesome goings-ons, and best of all she loved that bit of uncertainty. Maybe the hero wouldn't prevail. Maybe the maiden would remain sleeping, none the wiser to the changing would around her.
Even after Lydia lived her own modern fairy tale, green-card demon marriage definitely sounded like something she had read before, she couldn't help but be drawn to those darker renditions flanderized by Disney.
One one dark and story night, the way all great and cliched stories started, Lydia was tucked under her covers with nothing but a flashlight and a well-worn copy of the Brothers Grimm fairy tales. It had been given to her of her 7th birthday by her now deceased, but never forgotten, mom.
She was pulled from her imagination by the sound of poorly stifled giggles. All Lydia could do was wait and hope that Beetlejuice either got bored and left to torment Delia or tell her about something he just did to Delia. With no prior warning she felt an immense wait drop on top of her.
"Beetlejuice!"
"C'mon, how'd you know it was me?" He almost sounded indignant if it wasn't for the fact her pulled something like this at least once a week. A quick punch to his thigh got him to move off of her and to the edge of the bed.
" What's got you all cooped up in here, gremlin? The weather's perfect to go around and spook the neighbors."
Lydia peeked her head out of the covers to glare at her sometimes exhausting best friend. " I'm reading," she ignored the look of horrified disgust, " some fairy tales. I just got to the part the ravens rip out the stepsisters' eyes. Actually, sounds right up your alley."
" I'm more of a gouger than a ripper, but I'll give it a shot for you, my dearest best friend in the whole wide world." Sometimes she wondered if her purposefully missed the point or if it was just a demon thing.
" Yeah, you've told me before. I meant you might like the stories, even if you've probably seen and done worse." A sickening idea of having Beetlejuice and his clones reenact some of the more gorey scenes crossed her mind. This errant thought was quickly locked away never to be spoke of again.
" But I wouldn't have to read! I'm allergic to reading. I'll get all spotty with hives, my throat will close up and then my eyes will fall out!" His dramatic statement was accompanied by visuals. Angry red bumps spread from top to bottom, his face to a vivid blue, and then his eyes dropped out of his skull and onto her comforter. Good thing tomorrow was laundry day.
She handed back Beetlejuices eyeballs with the nonchalance of a regular person handing back dropped change. Normal was the last possibly thing the Deetz-Maitland household was, and Lydia reveled in it.
" We could try to find a movie, but they're either Disney or quick cash grab horror movies." Her heart ached at all the lost potential of an accurate adaption.
Beetlejuice slung an arm over her shoulders. " You're such a nerd sometimes, Lyds. But I love you and we can get you the help you need to overcome this." He didn't even try to hide the fact he was laughing this time. Lydia hid her slight embarrassment and own chuckles by shoving Beetlejuice away. He was like the brother never wanted, or knew she needed.
"What's this Disney thing you keep talking about anyways."
She rolled her eyes. " Only the owners of the sappiest place on earth and the largest manufacturer of fairy tale movies." The fact she still enjoyed Disney Land was a secret she would take to the grave. All goth-cred would be lost once anyone figured out her love-hate relationship with that capitalist mouse.
Something caught Beetlejuice's attention if his sparkling eyes were anything to go by. A lightbulb even manifested physically over his head " So what you're saying is we're totally going to marathon and shit talk all of these movies, right? It's been so long since we ripped into something! Metaphorically of course..."
It was the perfect idea. Finally she had someone who understood and loved the unusual as much as she did. Hell, a literal demon from the pits of the Netherwold was as strange as it got. " I don't tell you this enough, but Beej, you're a genius." A grin spread across her face as she hurriedly pulled out her laptop previously obscured by her comforter.
With a snap of his fingers Beetlejuice summoned a bowl of popcorn still fresh enough to be steaming. After both got settled in bed the hunt for a movie began. Disney's Cinderella was pulled up on a totally-legal-site and with a click the movie's opening score began to play.
Within the first ten minutes the only trace of popcorn left was butter residue in the bowl. Even that was gone two minutes later when Beetlejuice licked it 'clean'.
" Why the hell are rats dressing her? That's kinda weird."
" You look like you got dressed by coke addicted skunks, Beej."
"Hey! I'm a fully grown coke addicted demon that can dress himself. Thank you very much."
Both remained silent at the appearance of the stepmother. After the encounter with Juno she gained a whole new layer of horror.
" Wow, Prince What's-His-Face is kinda boring sexy. Like Adam."
" Please never mention that again."
The banter flowed easily and endlessly for the majority of the movie. At around the time the third act began, Beetlejuice had fallen oddly silent. Lydia figured he had probably zoned out or was fantasizing about the prince or Cinderella. Something else to be locked away and never thought of again.
As the end credits rolled she left out a jaw cracking yawn and paused the names scrolling by. By then the rain had stopped and the room was eerily silent, except for a sod. Lydia's head jerked to the side. Beside her Beetlejuice was crying, tears and snot running down his face.
" Are... Are you okay?" It felt weird to ask this millennia old demon such a basic question.
He just continued to sob and nodded his head. The two sat in relative silence. Lydia softly patted Beej's shoulder as he cried. Her own emotions were hard to handle and seeing her best friend like this made something in her chest clench painfully. At some point she awkwardly wrapped her arms around him and clung to him side. The gesture was appreciated if his muffled chuckle was anything to go by.
Somehow, she almost managed to drift off to sleep before Beetlejuice spoke up.
" She got her happily ever after. She got her prince. She left her shithole of a house." He took a deep breath despite not needing to breathe. "Just...Wow."
Something clicked in place inside Lydia's mind. "Of course she did. They always do if these kinds of movies. It's not at all realistic." She smiled and squeezed Beetlejuice tighter. "But reality is more fun anyways. You can't befriend eldritch horrors in children's movies. And you can't scare the pizza guy shitless in a Disney film."
Beetlejuice wrapped an arm around Lydia, managing to smoosh her even more against his side. " Can't meet murderous young goths either." She left out a sleepy yell of protest. " I bet they probably don't even get to have sex. They just sleep in the same bed and nine months later they find a baby on the doorstep."
Both remained silent and just took a moment to realize how warm the other felt. How real they felt. Of course Beetlejuice broke the tender moment, it's what he was best at. " Do you think I could get Adam and Barb to do a Cinderalla role play? Adam really would a perfect boring-sexy prince."
Lydia left out a groan and sagged against the pillows. "Who would you even be? The horse?"
" I would be the Fairy Godmother. I just need to get a wand and some mice."
"And a blue dress."
"Green's more my color, but I already got it covered."
Now that they had their emotional connection for the month taken care of, Lydia and Beetlejuice untangled from each other. A relatively simple task, except Beej kept growing limbs just to annoy her. It was worth it when he got his fifth leg caught in the comforter, causing him to fall on his ass.
With a couple choice swears and a few 'good nights' Lydia settled into bed and Beetlejuice left to bother the Maitlands.
On a no longer dark and stormy night, the soft tune of So This is Love traveled through the halls of the very haunted Deetz-Maitland household. The sound of three giggling voices and spontaneous singing echoed with not a living soul awake to listen.