Archive of Our Own ^beta

Tanjirou respected all of the pillars. Really, he did, though sometimes he had that uncomfortable sensation of he's the one who stabbed Nezuko or they're the ones who threatened to kill us. They were all respectable in their own rights, but still, that didn't mean Tanjirou had to necessarily become their friends or anything. 

That changed the day he became a pillar. 

It wasn't anything planned! Muzan had finally been defeated, and while Nezuko wasn’t turned back into a human, she seemed at peace with her demon self. It was nice that she could go out in sunlight, now, and he was happy to see her content with her claws and her teeth. 

The whole becoming a pillar thing was sort of dreadful, but it all worked out, he thinks. He was only nineteen and he’d already made a name for himself! That had to be worth something, though being stuck here with the other pillars for his ceremony was taking a toll on him. 

He managed to dodge the last of Mitsuri’s questions about himself (all very eerily personal and enough to make him feel like grimacing) by diving into a wall of flowers. It wasn’t his best plan, he admits, especially when he burst through the other side covered in leaves and twigs and fell onto the grassy floor in a heap. 

He lied there in a daze, wondering if he could just leave without a word to go pick flowers with Nezuko, only to stop when he smelled something. It was the smell of ripened peaches, pink and plump and perfect for picking on a summer day. It was so sweet and so strong that immediately, Tanjirou clasped a hand to his nose, his face growing hot under his fingers - he’d never smelled something so delectable, and he slowly raised his eyes to see where such a wonderful smell came from. 

He hadn’t noticed it before, but he realized now that he had somehow tripped his way into a garden. It was lovely, small and private and surrounded by those tall walls of flowers, arranged in a circular sort of area. In the middle was a large tree, its leaves swaying gently with the breeze, sunlight streaming in between the branches and casting dancing light on everything around it. 

Butterflies roamed the area, all of differing colors and sizes, and some even fluttered close to Tanjirou curiously before flicking away. 

But none of that mattered to Tanjirou, because all he could see was the lone man standing just in front of the tree. 

He had long, golden hair which flowed like a river down his back and over his shoulder. It was tied up neatly into a tail with a white ribbon, and every other second when the breeze picked up, threads of gold flew in the wind. Wide eyes looked at him in surprise, and Tanjirou was distressed to realize that there were tears in them, pooling slowly at the bottom before dripping over pink cheeks. Full lips were spread open slightly in a surprised gape, and when Tanjirou blinked, he realized that the person he was staring at was a man who looked more beautiful than anyone else he had ever seen. 

The man in question had his hand raised slightly, finger arched in a small curl, and resting on it was a white butterfly, and when Tanjirou glanced down at his waist, he almost gasped as he saw the shiny handle of a sword and a demon slayer uniform under a sunny yellow haori. 

“Hello?” The man said. 

Please marry me, Tanjirou wanted to say, but instead he said, “hello!” 

The man looked slightly uncomfortable as he raised his other hand to brush away any remaining tears. The small twinge of salt in the air made Tanjirou’s heart ache, and it was sort of pathetic of him, but he wanted to punch the thing that had made this angel cry. 

The man glanced around them, eyes darting like he was trying to see if anyone else was there, and he said, “c… can I help you?” 

“I-I was just,” Tanjirou sputtered, and he was suddenly aware of what he looked like. The man before him was elegant and graceful, heartachingly beautiful under the sunlight like he was born that way, and Tanjirou felt his cheeks go red as he realized that he himself was covered in grass stains, twigs, and leaves. He hopped to his feet hastily and tried to at least wipe the leaf off of his forehead, trying not to seem distressed when the leaf stubbornly clung to his finger. “I was just - trying - “ 

He wanted to crouch down and bury his face in his hands. He never felt anything like this before! He knew that, objectively speaking, there were many beautiful people he encountered on a daily basis, but none of them had ever evoked such an embarrassing reaction from him. He never stuttered, never stumbled around his words, but there was something about this man that had him feeling like stardust was flowing through his veins. 

“Yes?” The other man said softly, now looking confused as he brought his hand closer to his chest, the butterfly now clinging to his black uniform and causing a stark contrast in color. “I, er. Sorry if I seem rude, but who are you?” 

“I’m Kamado Tanjirou!” Tanjirou said too enthusiastically, too loudly, but the other man didn’t seem to mind. 

He only flushed and brought his hand to himself even closer, and awkwardly, he mumbled, “oh, the new pillar. Uh, hello? I’m sorry I wasn’t out to greet you. I’m Agatsuma Zenitsu.” 

The Thunder Pillar. 

Oh my god. 

Tanjirou had heard the name more than once - the Thunder Pillar was an enigma even amongst the other pillars. He was constantly out and about, almost never came to meetings, and most of the time, he was obnoxious, crying and weeping over every little thing. The other pillars didn’t seem that fond of him, but Tanjirou couldn’t understand why. There was such a sweet smell coming from him, a radiating generosity that threatened to crush Tanjirou’s chest with how lovely it was. 

“You’re the Thunder Pillar,” Tanjirou said. 

“I suppose,” Zenitsu grimaced, looking embarrassed. “It’s nothing to be too proud of. Er, can I help you? Aren’t you supposed to be out celebrating or… something?” 

“Oh,” Tanjirou said, glancing behind him at the wall of flowers and the way it didn’t seem to have a dent in it despite him tumblring straight through. “I guess I’m just not very comfortable with them, yet.” Or ever will be, he said to himself. 

“That’s understandable,” Zenitsu said quietly, and Tanjirou stared at him. He had been expecting the other man to say something along the lines of all the pillars are great! or you should respect your elders, but there was nothing like that. Zenitsu only smiled, a little wobbly like he was still holding back tears, and he said, “I’ve heard about all the hardships you went through.” 

He was walking closer, Tanjirou realized, and he stepped so elegantly, like he was floating on clouds or gliding rather than actually walking, and he didn’t have enough time to properly react when the other pillar stood just in front of him. He knew that Zenitsu was older than him, had to be with his voice and his status, but even so, Tanjirou was taller than him by a good few inches, and he whispered to himself that it was the perfect height to kiss. 

“Thank you,” Zenitsu said, and he cupped the white butterfly in his hands, his smell turning wispy with his shyness as he ducked his head and peeked up at Tanjirou through his long lashes. “For saving us all.” 

It was at that moment that Tanjirou knew he was in love. 

Though he didn’t notice it, a small, white butterfly landed on top of his head, and its antennas tickled his hair, like a blessing of love for the future. 

Tanjirou managed to not spill his guts for the first year of their friendship. He didn’t know how, after all, he was horrible at keeping secrets and even worse at lying, but maybe he wasn’t lying at all. Maybe he was expressing his love through his actions, the way he always fussed over Zenitsu anytime he came back from a mission or how he always baked fresh bread in the mornings, maybe it was the way he found that small rock shaped like a heart and gave it to Zenitsu, maybe it was the way that the one time someone tried to insult him, Tanjirou was quick to strike them down. 

Maybe it was because of all of that that Zenitsu couldn’t hear any lie, only greeting Tanjirou everyday with a shy smile and a shier hello, only tugging Tanjirou even deeper into the wonder that was Agatsuma Zenitsu. If Tanjirou was the earth, then Zenitsu was the sun, and Tanjirou knew he could never leave the gut-wrenching orbit. 

“Aren’t you getting tired of waking up so early?” Zenitsu pouted at him. 

It was indeed early, the sun only just barely peeking up over the horizon, and it had been completely dark when Tanjirou had woken up in his home and puttered over to Zenitsu’s in order to deliver his handmade bread. All the pillars had their own homes, built in their favor and honor, but Tanjirou’s was only a little ways beyond Zenitsu’s. It was a blessing, in his opinion, because it meant Tanjirou could see Zenitsu like this. 

The Thunder Pillar was currently sitting in his futon with only a white robe on for the night. His golden hair was out of its usual ribbon and tumbled down his shoulders in messy chunks, and when he spoke, his voice was soft with sleep, and Tanjirou wanted to kiss him so bad that it was an effort to curl his fists into his lap and not move them. 

“I’m never tired,” Tanjirou smiled. It wasn’t true. Every night, he went to bed late, tired from either a mission or playing with Nezuko, exhausted by his thoughts of his family and the nightmares that had him grabbing onto his sister through the night and her humming a tune to calm him down. When he woke up every morning, Nezuko would insist through her muzzle that he stay, her eyes worried, but he never complained. 

It was worth it, all of it was, to see that smile of delight on Zenitsu’s face when he took the first bite of Tanjirou’s bread, the air smelling of warm yeast and a rich, sweet happiness from Zenitsu as he thanked Tanjirou and chided him for spoiling him too much. 

But that’s what I want to do, Tanjirou thought to himself silently, watching as Zenitsu yawned and rub at his eyes. I want to spoil you, I want to take care of you, I want to hold you in my arms and tell you that everything I do is for you. You don’t have to worry about me, you don’t ever have to worry about me, because I want you to learn that you should put yourself first. You are breathtaking, and I’m sorry you don’t see you the way I do, but I hope I can teach you if you’d let me. 

He didn’t say any of this. Instead, he smiled, handed Zenitsu the bread, and said, “do you want to train today?” 

Zenitsu groaned into his mouthful of bread and rolled his eyes. “Again? But we trained yesterday, Tanjirouuuuuu - “ 

Zenitsu whined and Tanjirou laughed because that was what he was supposed to do, he was supposed to always be a foot away from the other man, he was supposed to pretend like he didn’t crave Zenitsu to be with him, he was supposed to pretend like he wasn’t in love with the most wonderful person in the world. 

“Your birthday is coming up,” Tanjirou said softly, excitedly, as Zenitsu got up and wandered over to his closet to bring out his proper clothes. It’d be the first birthday since they met they’d celebrate - Tanjirou’s had passed quietly, just Nezuko baking him a cake and Zenitsu giving him a ribbon the same pattern as his haori. Despite the lack of celebrators, it had been the best birthday of Tanjirou’s life, and that ribbon was still tucked away in his dresser, cherished like it should be. 

“Unfortunately,” Zenitsu grumbled, tugging on the last sleeve of his haori and then slinging his sword onto his hip with practiced ease. “I’m getting too old for this slaying stuff, dammit!” 

“You’re turning twenty-four.” 

“Don’t talk about it,” Zenitsu snapped, causing Tanjirou to laugh. “You don’t get to smile, you bastard! Ah, to be young like you again would be a blessing, wouldn’t it?” 

“I’m twenty!” Tanjirou giggled, unable to keep from chortling when Zenitsu walked over with a mock frown and began to pinch his cheeks, pulling at them and stretching slightly. 

“Exactly,” Zenitsu bemoaned dramatically. “You’re a baby!” 

“Zenitshu - twaining - shtop - “ Tanjirou said through his laughs, his words slurring because of Zenitsu’s insistent tugging on his cheeks. Eventually, the older man huffed in amusement and let go, and Tanjirou smiled at him. He raised a hand to his face and he knew that Zenitsu thought it was because of pain, knew that he thought he was red because of the tugs, but that wasn't it. 

There was a lingering warmth from Zenitsu's touch, his fingers just as rough as Tanjirou's to remind him that the other man had gone through just as much hell as he had, and Tanjirou wanted to kiss those rough fingertips and whisper his praises, but he just smiled and laughed. 

"Since you're such a workaholic, I guess we can go train," Zenitsu sighed, and he reached out a hand for Tanjirou to take so he could be pulled up. 

Thank you, Tanjirou wanted to say as he curled his fingers into Zenitsu's. For letting me love you. 

But he didn't, and when Zenitsu scolded him for not eating and went to run around his kitchen to make breakfast for Tanjirou, all he could do was fall in love more and more. 

Despite them having trained together almost everyday since they've met, Tanjirou has never seen Zenitsu draw his sword. The blond was all about stretching and endurance rather than actually sparring, and when Tanjirou had once asked, Zenitsu had only shaken his head and said, "I get enough of seeing a sword in my hand during missions, thank you very much." 

Tanjirou didn't mind. 

Zenitsu whined nonstop when he trained, bawling about his sore feet and pouting about his sore shoulders, but he was dedicated. Sometimes, if he concentrated enough, he was completely silent, punching through trees with a single blow or his breath so strong he could destroy a rock to powder. 

He always said he looked like a mess at the end of the day, sweaty and tired and exhausted, but Tanjirou didn't think that was the case. Maybe Zenitsu saw his exhaustion as all that it was, just a poor result of his work and one that he didn't want to experience, but every drip of sweat he poured, every kick he gave, and every pant he huffed was his silent declaration of his determination to help people. 

Tanjirou knew that Zenitsu wasn't liked amongst the pillars for his personality, accusing him of his endless chatter, his insistent screaming, his petty whining, but they also all praised his skills as a pillar. Personally, Tanjirou had never seen Zenitsu use his Thunder Breath, had never even seen him put a hand on his sword, but that was fine. 

It didn't take much to see that despite all of his grievances and his doubt, Zenitsu was far more worthy of being a pillar than Tanjirou could ever hope to be. 

"What're you staring at?" Zenitsu huffed, his face red from exertion and drops of sweat clinging to his neck. 

He wasn't wearing anything special that day, just his usual haori and his uniform, so how could it be that he was somehow more beautiful every time Tanjirou saw him? It was a mystery, but when Zenitsu laughed breathlessly, Tanjirou couldn't find himself to try and solve it. 

You are breathtaking. You see yourself in the mirror and you don't see much, but when I look at you, I see a hero, I see a savior, I see someone who I think is worthy of all the love in the world. 

Tanjirou laughed, sheathed his sword, and said, "your form is good." 

Zenitsu giggled, looking beautiful underneath the night sky and the moonlight, and Tanjirou wished that Zenitsu could somehow take the stars in his laugh and smear the dust across Tanjirou's cheek so he'd know what it was like to be so wonderful. 

"How was your latest mission?" 

"It was a'ight," Inosuke grumbled, lazily stuffing shrimp tempura in his mouth one after the other while he sprawled out in an undignified shape on Tanjirou's bedroom floor. 

Tanjirou only smiled and slid more food over, happy to see his best friend after being separated for a month. The other boy was wild and untamed, but maybe that was what Tanjirou liked about him so much, the way he fought to the death for Tanjirou and Nezuko and how he'd been so ready to slice of Muzan's head for them. 

It'd been hard for them to separate after Tanjirou became a pillar - Inosuke had rejected the invitation, the first one to ever do so, claiming that it was too much responsibility and that he was just fine with his current rank, thank you. Still, everyone knew that he was still a pillar in everything but name, which was why his recent mission had him coming back after an entire month covered in bandages. 

Inosuke didn't have a house, not when he wasn't an official pillar, but that was the way they wanted it. It was hard for them and Nezuko to separate completely, not after everything they've gone through. 

"I'm glad you're home," Tanjirou said happily. "How long did Aoi-san say you have to stay?" 

"Two months," Inosuke said, irritated. "Fuckin' sucks." 

"Nezuko seems happy that you're here," Tanjirou said, not deterred by his friend's attitude. 

Nezuko indeed seemed happy. She was humming softly to herself behind her muzzle, and though Tanjirou had reminded her that she didn't need to wear it anymore, she seemed attached to it, comforted by the solid presence in her mouth. She was extra small right then, tiny and just big enough to sit on Inosuke's shoulders while flapping her long sleeves excitedly whenever he begrudgingly reached up to feed her small pieces of tempura every now and then. 

"Whatever," Inosuke scoffed, but Tanjirou smiled when the other man patted Nezuko's head. "How's it goin' with you and that blond dandelion?" 

Tanjirou's face exploded red and he buried his face into his sleeves. "How did you know?" He finally said, embarrassed beyond belief. He thought that he'd been managing to hide it well, he'd never said anything that would give anyone the idea the aching love he felt for Zenitsu, and Inosuke had said it so bluntly that it felt more like a punch rather than words. 

Inosuke shrugged. Nezuko hummed happily and patted his forehead. 

"What do you want to do in the future, Inosuke?" Tanjirou asked. 

The other man didn't seem surprised by the sudden change in subject. Inosuke grabbed Nezuko and pulled her off of his shoulders, holding her in one arm as he gets up and walks over to the open doors of Tanjirou's bedroom, the ones that opened a view of the garden and had several fireflies blipping in and out of the room. 

Inosuke sat down, placed Nezuko beside him, and he said, "shouldn't you be askin' yourself that?" 

Inosuke's words were like a slap to the face. 

What did Tanjirou want to do in the future? 

He wanted to stay with Nezuko. He wanted to see her grow up, he wanted to see her slowly relearn her words, he wanted to teach her how to live a normal life instead of facing demons and death every week like he did. He wanted to show her how to cook and bake bread, how to make cookies when it was stormy, how to dance the steps their father once did. He wanted to show her all the things she never learned because of Muzan. 

Tanjirou wanted to stay with Inosuke. He wanted to fight alongside his friend, to cook him tempura and rice and all of his other favorite foods. He wanted to laugh at Inosuke's temper and congratulate him for another mission well done, he wanted to hug him and praise him because he never had any of that when he was alone. 

But most of all, achingly, he wanted to stay with Zenitsu. Beautiful, wonderful, obnoxious Zenitsu, who whined and cried about everything but somehow gripped Tanjirou's attention like no other. Tanjirou wanted to kiss his hands, whisper his thanks for their hard work into rough skin, Tanjirou wanted to kiss Zenitsu under the moon and sunlight to show his love all day, Tanjirou wanted to finally, finally say the words he's been holding back for months. 

"I… just want to stay," Tanjirou finally said. 

"Hmph," Inosuke said. He leaned back on his hands, absentmindedly chewed on another piece of tempura shrimp, and he said, "you can't stay with him if you never tell him." 

"Inosuke - "

"You're dumb, Gonpachirou." 

"It's not that easy - " 

"Yeah?" Inosuke laughed, and it was wild and carefree, rough in his throat but genuine amusement making his lips pull back in a wide grin. "You can cut off the fuckin' king of demons' head but you can't confess to a walkin' flower? What are you so afraid of?" 

What was Tanjirou so afraid of. 

What was he so afraid of. 

Why was he afraid. 

"What if he leaves me?" Tanjirou blurted out. "What if - what if I tell him, what if I tell him everything, everything I feel, and he leaves? I can't handle it, Inosuke, I've never felt like this before, I've never wanted to be by someone so bad that I - " he was choking. He wasn't sure on what, his words, his emotions, everything was drowning him like he was just a tiny ship and they were a storm at sea. 

Tanjirou was always praised as being strong, one of the youngest and most powerful pillar in the history of demon slayers, but none of that mattered, not when Zenitsu made him so weak. Anytime they were near, Tanjirou couldn't breathe, his hands shook, and his knees felt like nothing more than jelly. Yet at the same time, Zenitsu made him feel like he was invincible. 

Zenitsu would smile and Tanjirou feels like he can leap over a mountain. Zenitsu would laugh and Tanjirou can lift the very sky on his shoulders. Zenitsu would touch him softly and stroking his hair, calling him stupid for going on such a dangerous mission without backup, and Tanjirou felt like his injuries were healing in less than a second. 

"Maybe you should tell 'im soon," Inosuke said, and his eyes were full of pity. "Because you look fuckin' miserable right now." 

Tanjirou swallowed, rubbed his eyes, and cried. 

"Chuntaro," Zenitsu said softly petting the bird with his finger, huffing quietly when the sparrow nipped at him affectionately. "What am I going to do, Chuntaro? I can't think anymore. I think I'm losing my mind." 

The bird let out a soft tweet. 

"You can't tell him, okay?" Zenitsu whispered to the bird. "I know you two talk together a lot - probably gossiping behind my back, no doubt."

Chuntaro let out an offended chirp. 

"Maybe I should tell him," Zenitsu said in a dreamy sort of voice. "What do you think, Chuntaro?" 

The bird nipped his finger. 

"Who knew being in love was so hard," Zenitsu sighed. 

It started off as a normal day. Tanjirou had woken up earlier than usual, excited as he rolled out the dough but also began to mix a special batter. It was officially Zenitsu's birthday! He knew that the blond didn't want a huge party, not when he was so easily flustered and overwhelmed by large amounts of people, but that was only for Tanjirou. After all, it meant that Tanjirou had the whole day to cherish the blond, to celebrate his birthday and his life, and he was so excited that Nezuko had to stop him twice from adding the eggshell into the batter. 

The cake and bread finished at the same time, and he made a noise of satisfaction at the warm, sweet smell emitting from both. He'd made them with extra care that day, eager to impress Zenitsu and show him that his birthday did matter, or at least it did to Tanjirou. 

He arrived at Zenitsu's house just as the sun was peeking above the horizon, and he was practically shaking with excitement. He had the whole day planned! He was going to wake Zenitsu with a happy smile and the fresh cake and bread, he'd offer to do that pretty braid that Zenitsu liked but didn't know how to do on his hair, and then they'd spend the day in a nearby village where a festival was going to take place. 

When he opened the front doors, he took in an inhale, only to pause as he sniffed curiously and realized that in addition to Zenitsu's smell being slightly stale, there was a new scent, a new person. He set down the baked goods on a table and walked down the hallway to Zenitsu's room. As expected, when he slid open the door, no one was inside, though the folded blankets told him that Zenitsu had somehow waken himself up early and tucked everything away. 

Tanjirou was confused.

He decided to follow his nose, and when he inhaled deeply, he let out a small sigh of relief as he realized that Zenitsu was still there, just not in the house. Judging by how the scent trail went to the east wing, he was somewhere in the garden. 

As Tanjirou grew closer to the doors that led outside, he was only more confused when the smell of fresh roses grew stronger and stronger. Zenitsu didn't grow roses, he knew that, so where was that smell coming from? 

Tanjirou slid open the door and slipped out, his steps silent as he approached the entrance of the garden. It was a beautiful place, surrounded by white flowers and golden blooms, and often times Zenitsu liked to wander there, eager to water his flowers or to just feed the birds that often liked to make nests in the trees. 

"I love you." 

Tanjirou stopped. 

He stared. 

There, standing underneath the middle tree was Zenitsu. He looked lovely as always, and it was so achingly reminiscent of when they first met that Tanjirou almost missed the fact Kanao was there. Oh. That's where the flowery smell was coming from - it was her, it was her standing there looking bashful, it was her standing there underneath the tree, it was her who Zenitsu had just confessed to. 

Tanjirou scrambled back, chest heaving as he tried to even out his breathing while pressing his back against a bush of flowers, trying to make himself as quiet as possible so neither of them knew. Tanjirou heard something shattering, like a piece of glass someone had taken anhammer to, turning into millions of little pieces and making him hurt so much that his chest was aching. It was his heart, he realized, it was his heart that was breaking. 

"I'm sorry for not telling you any sooner," Zenitsu continued to say, and he sounded so nervous, so bashful, and Tanjirou could imagine what he looked like right now, shy and pink in the face and looking so beautiful that Tanjirou would have kissed him. Except it wasn't him, was it, because it was Kanao. "I'm not very good at this kind of stuff, but you're the first person I've ever fallen in love with." 

Zenitsu was the first person I ever fell in love with. 

"You're amazing." 

He was wonderful. 

"And you fight like you're determined to keep everyone safe." 

He trained like he wanted to save the world. 

"Thank you." 

Thank you. 

"And if it's okay with you, please, we can love each other." 

We can't ever love each other. 

Tanjirou stood up, walked over to the house, and he ran. 

He couldn't remember ever running from something, he'd always face something head on, like he was trying headbutt all the world's evils and purge them from his family. But this wasn't evil, this was Zenitsu, and Tanjirou didn't even realize he was crying until he reached his house, slammed open the door, and Nezuko made a distressed noise at his tears. 

Tanjirou collapsed onto her lap, and with her claws gently running through his hair, he cried and cried and cried. 

Tanjirou hasn't seen Zenitsu in a week. 

For an entire week, he didn't see him, didn't smell his lovely peachy scent, didn't hear his voice, didn't do anything. Tanjirou cried for the first day, sniffled on the second, and on the third, he was numb. He trained like he was about to fight Muzan again. He swung his sword this way and that, destroyed tree after tree, broke boulder after boulder, and he kept fighting until his hands bled and his arms shook. Despite that, whenever he lied in bed at night, all he could think about was Kanao's sweet smile and Zenitsu's even sweeter words, and he had to bury his face in Nezuko's hair before he started tearing up again. 

He left the eighth day with nothing more than the sword on his hip, Nezuko's worried nuzzles, and a message from his crow that there was a recent sighting of a demon going rampant in a western village. It was just what he needed - something to fight, to get his mind off of everything, and most of all, space between him and Zenitsu. 

This was probably his downfall. 

He had been too upset, he now realized. He'd let his emotions get the best of him, had been too irrational, too emotional, too everything - he'd lost control. He'd at least managed to get the demon away from the village, drew her in close to the forest where he'd been planning to kill her so no one could see, but then she smiled at him, lovely and beautiful, and she looked so much like both Kanao and Zenitsu that he fumbled and his technique didn't work. 

He couldn't breathe, he thought to himself, coughing out blood and gasping as he tried to get himself back up to his feet. His ribs were cracked, he could tell - he'd broken them so many times that it was almost routine by this point, but the pain wasn't and he gritted his teeth as he tried to get up, to fight, but he couldn't and he was crying. Globs of tears were dripping onto the dirt below him, and he couldn't help it, he was going to die and it was all his fault, all because he was immature and couldn't handle someone not loving him back, he was never going to see Nezuko again, he was never going to see Inosuke, and worst of all, he wasn't going to see - 

Zenitsu. 

The smell of rotten peaches and sharp ozone made Tanjirou recoil and the demon pause from her final blow. 

"Who are you?" The demon said, and she was beautiful, her neck elegant and her face smooth, but she had nothing when compared to Zenitsu. 

He walked calmly, his feet silent against the ground, but Tanjirou let out a small gasp when he saw flashes of crackling lightning around Zenitsu's shoulders, his sword in his hand and oh, this was the first time, Tanjirou told himself, the first time he ever saw Zenitsu draw his sword. 

Zenitsu held it loosely in his hand, but Tanjirou could see how white his knuckles were from where he lied on the ground. His scent, usually so sweet, was rotten and sour, and the anger crackling off of him in forms of static had the demon flinching back. 

"It's alright, Tanjirou," Zenitsu said, his voice tight with his emotions. He raised his sword, and his stance changed, his feet spreading and his haori starting to flutter as Tanjirou nearly choked at the amount of power starting to emit from him. He looked absolutely stunning, his hair flowing and crackling with lightning, his eyes hard and his voice even harder as he said, "you'll be okay." 

Tanjirou couldn't breathe, but this time, it had nothing to do with his ribs. 

"Thunder Breathing," Zenitsu hissed, and Tanjirou couldn't breathe. He had never seen Zenitsu draw a sword, but more than that, he had never seen Zenitsu use his breath, had never seen a Thunder Breath user, and when Zenitsu slowly breathed out, the demon let out a cry and the hair on the back of Tanjirou's neck stood straight up. "Fifth Form: Heat Lightning." 

It was over in less than a second. The demon that Tanjirou had been struggling against because of his own stupid feelings had her head flying just a millisecond later, and the air was thundering with lightning, striking the ground and surrounding Zenitsu like he was a deadly angel. He was closer to Tanjirou now, landing from his jump with a neat thump, his haori practically flying with his power. 

The corpse burned into flakes, and it wasn't even a few seconds later that Zenitsu's sword was clean. Tanjirou couldn't stop staring - could anyone blame him? There was still that deadly air around the other man, his hair still full of static, and there was such a fierceness within him that Tanjirou had never seen before. It was at that moment that Tanjirou was reminded of how Zenitsu was the Thunder Pillar, had been a slayer for even longer than Tanjirou has, has held a sword more times than Tanjirou could count. 

Zenitsu straightened himself, sheathed his sword, and turned around before kneeling before Tanjirou. 

"Zenitsu," Tanjirou managed to choke out, and he clutched at his chest when they screamed in pain. He had only ever experienced this much hurt when he'd been fighting against Muzan, and his vision was already starting to black out, but he reached up and clutched at Zenitsu's haori anyway, feeling sorry that he smeared blood onto the pretty fabric. "Z…" 

"Sleep, Tanjirou," Zenitsu said softly, and it was so unlike his voice from a few seconds ago. There was no deep rumble of anger, and when Tanjirou took a desperate breath, he could smell the rotten peaches turn into something so sad and so crippling that he started to tear up. Zenitsu reached forward and brushed his fingers against Tanjirou's cheek. "I'll take care of you." 

There were too many things Tanjirou wanted to say, too many things he needed to say. 

I love you so much. Your breathing is better than I could have ever imagined. You fight like you're dancing, you fight like you're singing, you fight like you're trying to play music. You are wonderful. I can't breathe. You saved me. I'm sorry for leaving, I'm sorry for getting so mad, I'm sorry for scorning you and Kanao when I know I should be happy for you two. 

Thank you, Zenitsu, for saving me. 

But Tanjirou could only hiccup, nuzzle as best as he could into Zenitsu's hand, and he fainted. 

"You are the stupidest man I have ever met." 

That's what Tanjirou woke up to. He groaned, and he wanted to immediately clutch at his chest when his ribs flared up in pain and protest. When he raised his hand to do it, however, someone grabbed it out of the air and forced his arm back down. His skin tingled at the touch, and when he smelled the air, there was a scent of sour peaches surrounding him. 

He opened his eyes to blink as Zenitsu glared at him. 

“Keep your hand down,” Zenitsu snapped, and he sounded angry, really angry. The blond was irritable on some days, but he had never spoken like this, his voice deep from within his throat and his eyes burning a hole into Tanjirou’s forehead. “Don’t touch your fucking bandages.” 

Tanjirou swallowed his dry mouth and nodded. He looked around them, slowly so he wouldn’t stretch his chest, and he breathed out shakily when he realized that they were in Zenitsu’s room. Actually, he was on Zenitsu’s futon, and though the smell of morning dew was fresh in the air, the curtains were for once drawn completely in to block out any sunshine. The only light in there was a small candle sitting beside Tanjirou’s head. 

“How did you find me?” Tanjirou asked. 

Zenitsu pursed his lips, his scent turning even more sour, and he said, “Nezuko-chan told me. I went to go visit to hit your head and ask why you’ve been fucking avoiding me for an entire week - “ 

Tanjirou flinched at the curse and Zenitsu only glared harder. 

“ - only to find out that you had the not-so-smart idea to go and kill a demon by yourself,” Zenitsu said sarcastically. Despite his harsh words, he dipped a towel into a basin of water and dabbed at Tanjirou’s face gently, making him hiss lightly at the stinging feel of water touching his scrapes and cuts. “Why did you do all of this, Tanjirou?” 

Tanjirou’s stomach lurched something awful when the air became heavy with Zenitsu’s sadness. He let out a small noise when the first warm drop of tear on his hand, and he looked on, stunned, to see Zenitsu’s shoulders shake as he started to cry. He’s seen Zenitsu cry so many times in their months of friendship, has seen him wail and snot and cry rivers of tears, but there was something different this time. Maybe it was the way his sobs were quiet and choked like they were stuck in his throat, maybe it was the way tears glistened down his face in the candlelight, or maybe it was the way he looked at Tanjirou in such a heartbreaking way, like he was imagining Tanjirou dead in front of him instead of alive. 

He hasn’t showered or changed, Tanjirou realized. There was no fresh scent of soap from the other man, his hair was greasy at the roots, and the bags under his eyes were so dark that they worried Tanjirou. His demon slaying uniform was wrinkled, and Tanjirou flinched when he looked at his golden haori and realized that there was a spot of dried, brown blood in the shape of a fist staining the collar. 

“You haven’t slept,” Tanjirou whispered, and he wanted to reach out and thumb away Zenitsu’s tears, tell him that everything was alright, but Zenitsu glared at him and his face turned red with anger.

“Of course I haven’t slept!” Zenitsu cried out, and there was such deep grief mixed in with his fury that Tanjirou felt like he was only two inches tall. “First, you ignore me for an entire week, you ditch me on my birthday, and when I try to go find you, I see you on the ground half-dead! You should have defeated that demon easily, Tanjirou, so why did I see you bleeding on the dirt with half of your ribs broken!” His voice was hysterical by that point, high-pitched and shaky, and his hand was trembling as he threw the wet towel back into the basin. 

“Zenitsu - “ 

“Stop!” Zenitsu snarled. Tanjirou clamped his mouth shut. “You don’t get to fucking speak. You don’t get to fucking speak my name until you tell me what the hell is going on, and you better tell the truth, because if I hear even an ounce of lying, I’m going to kill you myself!” 

Tanjirou swallowed. He could feel a drop of sweat running down his neck, pooling into his collarbone, and he sat up slowly, waving Zenitsu off when he made an angry noise of concern. He clenched his fists in his lap, staring at them and then slowly unfurling his fingers to look at the callouses that had formed. Some of them were from his childhood days, back when his family was still alive and he was simply a charcoal seller. Most of them, however, were reminders of his hardships, the battles he had to go through and the hell he had to conquer in order to finally find peace with himself and his family. 

They reminded him that through everything, no matter what, he had survived. It was painful and awful and he had so many nightmares that he couldn’t even sleep sometimes, but he had survived. 

Tanjirou clenched his fists and began to speak in a quiet, low voice. “On your birthday, I went to go see you. I - I knew you were out in the garden, so I followed your scent, wanting to give you the cake and bread I made - “ Tanjirou’s eyes squeezed shut at the memory that followed. “But I saw you and Kanao standing under that tree, and you were confessing to her.” 

Zenitsu didn’t say anything. 

“I understand,” Tanjirou said, and to his mortification, he realized that he was on the verge of tears, his nose starting to become stuffy and his eyes watering dangerously. He coughed, dispelled a small sob, and continued. “Kanao is - she’s very beautiful, and she’s one of the best fighters I know. But I couldn’t handle it, and my immaturity got the best of me. I know that as your friend I’m supposed to support you, I’m supposed to say you two are adorable and that you’ll last, but I can’t.” He curled forward, choked a little on his words, and he said tinily, “please don’t hate me.” 

There was the soft ruffle of clothes being moved, and a hand just as rough as his gently gripped his chin. Tanjirou let himself be moved without effort, and he had just enough time to see Zenitsu’s small, exasperated smile before he leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Tanjirou’s lips. 

Tanjirou had been in love with Zenitsu for a year and a half by that point. For that whole time, he had imagined what it’d be like to kiss him, to cradle his sweet face and finally, finally kiss those soft lips, and he had played it out scenario after scenario in his head. He’d thought about it so many times that he’d been wishful, thinking that if it ever actually happened that he’d be prepared, that he’d know what to do and what to say, but nothing he thought of could ever compare with the real thing. 

Zenitsu kissed like a soft touch, just barely letting their lips graze against each other, and if it wasn’t for the thick smell of love and affection surrounding them, Tanjirou would have been convinced it was just their lips touching on accident. Zenitsu’s fingers were tracing Tanjirou’s jaw, his touch gentle and rubbing away any tears, and Tanjirou couldn’t help it as he closed his eyes and let out a soft moan against Zenitsu’s lips. 

Finally, Zenitsu pulled away, and Tanjirou knew how to breathe, he knew he did. Urokodaki had practically beaten it into him, had shown him how to inhale and exhale properly to stretch his lungs, but looking at Zenitsu now, it was like all of that had flown out of his head. Zenitsu was panting, his face a bright pink in the soft glow of the candle light and his eyes wide like he couldn’t believe he just did that. He looked so beautiful that Tanjirou couldn’t help it as he reached out and grasped Zenitsu’s shoulders. 

“Again,” Tanjirou pleaded, quiet and desperate, and Zenitsu only smiled wobbly before obeying. 

Tanjirou clenched Zentisu’s shoulders tightly with his hands, trying to pull him closer, and he let out another noise when several strands of golden hairs touched his cheek like they were caressing his skin. 

“One more,” Tanjirou gasped when they parted. 

“Tanjirou,” Zenitsu whined. 

“Please,” Tanjirou begged, and Zenitsu turned even pinker, his scent turning sweeter, before they again kissed. 

“You stupid man,” Zenitsu whispered against Tanjirou’s lips, the both of them clinging together so tightly that Tanjirou could feel Zenitsu’s racing heart against his. “How could I love anyone else when you’re right here?” 

Tanjirou felt like his whole world was overturning. He trembled against Zenitsu, raised a hand to stroke his hair, and he said, “but Kanao - “ 

“Was only there because I was going to confess to you, idiot,” Zenitsu sighed, finally pulling back so there was at least some sort of space between them. His scent was embarrassed but affectionate as he smiled shyly at Tanjirou. “I was nervous. I had never l… loved anyone before, so I felt like I needed to practice. Kanao is my best friend, she’s known about my embarrassing crush on you for ages, so she offered to help.” 

“Oh,” Tanjirou said, feeling his face go red with his own embarrassment. He leaned down and pressed his face against Zenitsu’s neck, inhaling that smell of ripened peaches, and he said, “oh, god. I really am stupid.” 

Zenitsu laughed, warm and carefree and drunk on love, and Tanjirou couldn’t help but do the same, reaching up to kiss Zenitsu some more because heaven knows he deserved them. 

“Thank you,” Tanjirou murmured into their kiss. “For saving me.” 

“Thank you for saying what you needed to,” Zenitsu whispered back. 

It was warmth and it was love, it was everything Tanjirou had ever imagined but so much better. It was him finally being able to speak, and it was Zenitsu finally being able to listen. It was perfect. 

“Wait, you’ve had a crush on me for ages?” 

“S-Shut up, Tanjirou! God, you’re so embarrassing!” 

“Aw, darling, that’s so sweet!” 

“We’re boyfriends, asshole!”