Chapter Text
There had been many, many reasons why Cloud moved out of Tifa’s home in Seventh Heaven. Not the least of which was that he was finally doing well enough that she allowed it. After the fiasco with Geostigma and him living in the church to hide it, she’d kept such a close eye on him for a while. He had to prove that he wasn’t trying to move out just to hide from her, and part of that was a promise of frequent visits. But he showed her that he was able to eat every day, multiple times a day, and consistently get out of bed without work forcing him to. Doing things like being the one to get the groceries and clean helped convince her that he was ready to live on his own in a healthy way, instead of squatting on a bedroll in an abandoned building that would haunt him with memories he shouldn’t dwell on.
There had been many, many reasons why Cloud moved out, but the biggest reason was that his newest coping mechanism would be so much easier if he had a place to call his own.
It hadn’t been that long after Advent Day when it all started. He’d been watching the Seventh Heaven patrons, and simply paid more attention one night, seeing more couples than he remembered leaving together, pawing at each other.
And he’d wondered, hell, why not him?
He would have thought there’d be much more to it. All he did was show up alone to a club. He left off the fabric from his hips and his pauldron, leaving him in just simple pants and his tank top. He thought going for something less intimidating and a little more revealing might help the situation. And it was certainly enough.
The man he’d gone home with had become extremely eager at Cloud’s blunt admission that he’d never done this before. He could see from his face and response that he thought that meant he’d only been with women before, not that he meant he was a virgin, but he let the misunderstanding slide. The man had shown him the basics, how to apply what he knew about pleasure to another person, prepared him hastily and fucked him into the mattress.
And something amazing had happened.
For the first time in what felt like decades, Cloud stopped thinking. There was no fighting back memories he didn’t want to consider, no constant stream of thoughts about what he was doing, what he should be doing, what he had just done. There was nothing, just pure and simple white noise, as the pleasure in his veins overwrote everything else. It wasn’t an emotion, per se, but he was able to really feel something, for the first time in years, that didn’t involve the world nearly ending.
He became obsessed with it. That handful of perfect moments where his mind was wiped clean and everything felt good, for once. It was so simple. It was pure, in its own way. Untainted by the messiness of the rest of his life. Not even Sephiroth had been able to white-out his brain this way, no matter how many Jenova-strings he pulled on.
He couldn’t stop chasing it. There was no real risk involved, so he didn’t think he was being self-destructive again. These men couldn’t hurt him—if he could take down Sephiroth, what the hell was a civilian going to do? He couldn’t catch diseases with the amount of mako in his veins, so there was no need to worry about condoms. He just couldn’t see any downsides. There was no suffering involved for once, for once, no risks of injury or disease or death, what did he have to worry about? It brought him a scant few minutes of peace, and that mattered more to him than anything else.
The second he moved out of Seventh Heaven, he was going out every night. It was always a different man he brought home, never the same person twice, and he preferred it that way. He wasn’t looking for emotional connection, or a new person in his life. He had all the friends he needed, and he was only just now getting the hang of keeping in contact with them as much as they liked. He was using these men as much as they were using him, and their strange, symbiotic relationship worked perfectly for him.
He was getting bolder as time went by. He had always been shy as a boy, but it’d worn off more and more as time had passed. It had resurged with a vengeance around the topic of sex, something that was so taboo in Nibelheim, but the more he did it, the easier it was to be bold.
He never expected to be the kind of person content to get on his knees in the corner of a club with nothing to hide him but the low lighting, but here they were.
So when he saw a beautiful stranger with SOLDIER eyes make eye contact with him, he certainly was not about to head home for the night alone.
He’d never been with an ex-SOLDIER. In life in general, he avoided them. They asked uncomfortable questions about why they didn’t recognize him and brought up facts he should know but didn’t. But this would be simpler. No questions asked, just some harmless fun. Besides, he had long since learned from his own… talents, that being mako enhanced changed ones abilities in the bedroom. He was able to get hard again much quicker than unenhanced men, and sometimes didn’t soften at all. He could come more times in a row than they could, and generally had more stamina. The men he brought home left on wobbly legs while Cloud was barely satisfied.
It would be worth the risk of uncomfortable questions, if this stranger could keep up with him.
Cloud turned to set the drink he nursed on the bar. He didn’t need the alcohol, it had no effect on him, but men seemed to be more willing to try and take him home if they saw he’d been drinking and might be more susceptible to their advances. Little did they know he needed no help making a “bad decision.”
The long-haired, red-headed stranger approached and approached and approached, until he was not only close but crowding Cloud back against the bar. Cloud tilted his head and eyed the stranger, reaching behind him to take his ponytail in hand, twirling it idly around his fingers.
“You’re remarkably calm,” the man said, sliding his hands onto Cloud’s hips.
“Why shouldn’t I be?”
“Most SOLDIERs are a little more surprised, seeing their old CO return from the dead.”
Cloud hummed low in his throat. The man must be a First or something. That explained why his eyes were so bright.
“I’ve seen stranger things.”
When you killed a specific man three separate times, resurrection became old hat.
He wrapped the ponytail around his hand and began tugging on it, drawing the man off to the side. He allowed himself to be led, chuckling lowly, readjusting his hands to stay low on his hips as he followed behind Cloud, bumping his erection against his ass as they walked.
“Where are we going? The exit’s the other direction.”
Cloud’s free hand snuck behind him, coming to cup the man’s hardness.
“Why wait? The bathrooms are closer.”
The SOLDIER made a noise of amusement, right up until they saw the long line outside the bathroom. Cloud paused mid-step, then turned and angled. There was a good spot in this club, mostly hidden by a partition and covered the rest of the way in shadow. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d used it.
“Where now?”
“SOLDIER didn’t teach you the value of creative thinking?”
Cloud got the red-head to his secondary hook-up spot and pushed him back against the wall before dropping to his knees. In a show of enhancements, he got his belt undone and his zipper lowered in a flash. Before either could blink, not only was his cock out, but Cloud had moved to take it all the way down his throat in one swift movement.
“Shit,” the man hissed, his hands immediately grabbing Cloud’s hair tightly.
Cloud moaned his approval, grinding his nose against the patch of red hair that proved the man didn’t use dye. He swallowed repeatedly around the length, flicking his tongue as low as he could get it onto the man’s balls. He could feel the hips below his hands jerk up and didn’t fight to keep them in place. When he looked up and made eye contact, he slowly put his hands behind his back and hoped the man would take the hint.
He did. Using his grip on Cloud’s hair, he began fucking into his mouth, rough and hard and fast, trusting by that early display that he could take it. Cloud’s eyes rolled back in pleasure, groaning around his mouthful.
This was not, necessarily, what Genesis had come to the club for. He had come to find someone to fuck or to fuck him, yes, but not necessarily a shady, barely hidden blowjob. But he certainly wasn’t complaining. His blood was zinging in his veins from the risk of being caught, from the way he didn’t have to mind his strength with a fellow SOLDIER, even though he couldn’t recognize the blond. It had been many years, though, and he was certain people had joined after he deserted; they had to replenish the ranks somehow.
There were a thousand things he wanted to say. He had always had a fondness for dirty talk, and the demeaning things he could say about the blond who so willingly sank to his knees in such an open location came to his lips so readily. But he knew those things could offend people, and wouldn’t risk it without discussion first. But though that may be, if tonight went well, they might see each other again, and could have a conversation first? That maybe, just maybe, he’d be able to call the blond his eager little slut and have him moan his approval the way he did just seconds ago had Genesis groaning again himself.
He watched the blond fight with his gag reflex and fail a few times, choking around him. His eyes watered with tears that Genesis meant to brush away kindly but more ended up smearing into his skin. The gesture, that could have so easily been construed as cruel, seemed to egg him on, and the unfamiliar SOLDIER picked up his pace, using every trick that he had. Genesis held onto his hair for dear life, fighting his own instinct to moan
Cloud didn’t much care about sound. The thudding bass would drown out any moans, and he wanted—no, needed to know this man was enjoying himself. He did these senseless hook-ups for his own pleasure, yes, but the sense of fulfillment he got out of them didn’t come from his own orgasm.
The fact was, people depended on Cloud. He had saved the world twice now, and killed the world’s most adept fighter three times. People needed him to keep them safe, and that, he thought he was usually pretty good at delivering.
It was everything else that seemed to slip through his fingers.
It was Tifa who needed a friend and confidante and business partner, when he wasn’t able to even get out of bed. It was Marlene, who wanted his help with homework that he hadn’t gotten far enough in his own schooling to understand. It was Denzel, who look to him and saw a father, only he couldn’t meet those expectations and ran away at the drop of a hat.
When it came to his own life, just being a person, he did nothing but fail. Even now, when he was better, when he was fighting tooth and nail to make everything he could out of every moment, to meet the expectations people had of him, he was still failing.
This—this was so much simpler.
To the strangers at the bars and clubs, he could be what they wanted him to be. He was already attractive to them, and he had picked up the other skills along the way. He knew how to flirt, now, how to tease and taunt and drive a man wild. He knew a thousand tricks to get a man off, faster than they could blink and so hard they saw stars. He knew how to take multiple partners, in any number of positions, how to make sure he met every need, even if his own were neglected. He could be a perfect wet dream for these strangers. He could be useful to them, and that mattered more than his own pleasure.
The getting off, the not-thinking, the peace the bliss brought, those were all important factors as to why he did this. But to be able to meet the expectations people had of him for once, to succeed, to not fail—Gaia, it was validating. It was heady. His own pleasure was a huge, huge bonus. But it was just a bonus. It was what got him into this lifestyle, but the thrill of being what someone needed him to be was what kept him there.
It was what kept him on his knees in clubs, deepthroating strangers in barely-hidden corners until they came down his throat. He used the man’s hips to pull himself as far down as he could get, earning a half-shouted groan, the second he felt him start to come. He swallowed over and over and over again, milking him dry with his throat. When he pulled away slowly, he licked any remnants clean, and then licked his lips as he sat back on his heels.
“What do you say?” Cloud said, his voice rough from the abuse his throat had taken. “Want to come home with me?”
“Goddess, do you have to ask?”
The red-head grabbed him by the collar and hauled him to his feet the second he had put himself away, and Cloud laughed the whole way out the door.
Tomorrow, he would go back to Tifa and Denzel and Marlene, and try once again to be who they needed.
Tonight, he would be who this stranger needed.
At least tonight, he would succeed. And that success would give him the strength to try again tomorrow.