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Goro doesn’t need a reason to invite himself into Shido’s palace and peruse the grounds.
What else should he be doing with his free time? He should be gathering as much information as he can about the man he’s dedicating a good portion of his life to crushing under his heel. What better way to do that than diving feet-first into the man’s innermost subconsciousness?
He can listen to the high-society lords and ladies, the masked cruise patrons, and learn exactly how Shido feels about current events. As the white prince of justice, Goro fits in so well with their kind. They’ll say anything around him.
“I absolutely can’t stand the arrogance of that senator from Hokkaido,” a man in an enraged crimson mask announced to a crowd of like-minded partygoers. “Someone should put him in his place.”
“I totally agree.”
“Of course, yes. Please someone do it soon so we can all stop listening to him already!”
Goro will take mental notes. The next day, when Shido seems to be in an exceptionally foul mood, Goro can offer him a glass of whiskey and say, “Is it that senator with the big mouth again? The one from Hokkaido, right?” He’ll put on a face of bewildered irritation and say something like, “What a pain in the ass. If you want me to take care of him, just say the word.”
Shido will look up from his tablet for a moment. Considering it. Eventually, he’ll decide it’s too risky and shake his head, but he will take the glass Goro offers him. And he’ll look at Goro a fraction of a second longer. Before he takes a sip of whiskey and turns back to his tablet.
Saying, “That’ll be all, Akechi-kun.”
In that moment, Goro is sure, the furthest thing from Shido’s mind is betrayal. He’s positive. When Shido looks at him that extra one or two moments, he’s thinking about what a good investment Goro was. He’s thinking that Goro will follow him to the end. He’s imagining Goro is a loyal dog who does his job well.
And that line of thinking—that is right where Goro wants Shido. He’ll smile to himself the rest of the week knowing that Shido has bought his bullshit hook, line, and sinker.
Shido trusts him. Because Goro has made him trust him. His plan is working perfectly. Shido doesn’t suspect that Goro wants to ruin him—not overtly ruin, of course. Not for the rest of the world. He wants to ruin Shido in his own way; to make that man’s life hell in a way no one else could understand. He wants Shido to never sleep comfortably again. He wants Shido to be haunted by the ghost of his past mistakes—that is to say, specifically, Akechi Goro. Goro will haunt him to the end of his days and he’s going to enjoy it. He’s enjoying it now! Clearly Shido has no idea what’s coming for him.
The man on top of the world can’t sniff out the sheer loathing Goro has for him under the surface. The bitter hatred. The cold disgust. Maybe Shido is so used to being loathed he’s immune to the scent by now.
Fortunately, that plays into Goro’s hand.
Lately he’s been traveling further and further into the deeper recesses of the palace. The inner workings of the place. It’s wires, guts, and dark corners. The engine room. The cargo hold. Goro wants to see everything. He wants to know how this place works down to its bones. He wants to know Shido inside and out so that there will be no surprises for him in the future. Nothing that Shido can use against him when the time comes. He wants to learn every nut and bolt of that ship, every single thing there is to know.
He thinks he does, anyway.
It’s only a matter of time before he learns the location of the ship’s helm—a small room in the aft of the cruise ship, strangely unlocked and unguarded. One morning, Goro peeks into the room—glancing around to make sure there are no traps and no locks. How could Shido stand to leave this place wide open? Why aren’t there any psychic barriers? It seems none of the passersby think twice about going in there. They just leave it alone naturally.
Creeping forward, Goro is even more surprised to see Shido’s shadow (alone) standing at the helm, staring off into the distance. Wearing his full armor. Golden eyes outlined by his spiky helmet. That helmet gives the impression of aggression and ridiculous bloodlust. It’s the kind of helmet a medieval warlord would wear, but it’s perched on top of a man wearing a captain’s uniform with full decoration.
Which one is Shido, Goro wonders? A warlord, a captain, or a prime minister? Is he somehow all three? Goro stares at this shadow and realizes he has no idea who the hell this guy really is. The shadow is like Shido, but isn’t. Not exactly. There are few things off. Especially when he’s standing there by himself with his hands on the steering wheel, actively guiding the cruise ship through the wreckage of Tokyo. He looks like such a joke, a parody of himself, but for some reason Goro is not laughing.
In the metacognitive world, everything feels real. Goro can hear the creak of the floorboards underneath Shadow Shido’s boots. He can smell metal polish, as if this Shido has been generously polishing his pinned medals in his spare time. That legislator’s pin the gives him all his power. Shining brilliantly in the permanently setting sun.
Goro stares longer than he should. He’s feeling bold. He has a hunch that Shadow Shido won’t notice him. And if he does, he doesn’t think it’ll matter. This door wasn’t locked. He now realizes why.
Shido considers his leadership to be a given, so the other shadows in this palace do too. They don’t think about challenging him or even looking at him. They trust him with their lives without question. They let him steer and go on with their lives. That’s how Shido thinks it should be. If the shadow saw him, he would probably just nod at him and tell him to carry on.
He’s proud. In this world, he has nothing to hide. No regrets. Just forward motion.
Goro shakes his head. How arrogant can you get?
Although, objectively speaking, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree where Goro is concerned. Goro is just arrogant enough to come back another day. To spy on Shadow Shido and learn what he can. He thinks that there must be some trick to this shadow, something he can exploit in the future.
He’s right.
On that day—the day he learns —Goro hears it before he sees it. He feels it before he hears it. He’s creeping back to the helm, lured by the enigmatic vision of Shadow Shido. As he approaches, he feels the floorboards groaning ominously. Some kind of rocking motion putting such a strain on them that Goro can actually feel vibrations through the wood.
Then he hears, “Ah! Ah ah ah! So big! Ah it feels so good!”
Goro is not an idiot. He’s not a newborn infant—he’s not even a virgin by technical standards. He’s been hearing these sounds his whole life. His mother introduced him to this world early with her lifestyle, and Goro has never been too far away from. No matter how hard he tries.
His eyes widen. He dashes into the shadows and watches, pupils blown wide in the anticipation.
Finally a development! Just who is Shadow Shido fucking? The person sounds like a real whore, moaning and crying in a high voice. Panting. Getting it good in front of anyone that might care to walk by this room. It could actually be a literal whore—
After all, Goro has seen it before. With the real Shido. One time Goro was invited to a club…months ago…
But no, no. They’re not at the club. This is the metacognitive world, Shido’s palace! Theoretically he could be fucking anyone he wanted in the world right now! The person of his fantasies! A person the real Shido undoubtedly daydreams about screwing. Possibly even right this moment, which is why it’s happening in the palace.
How perverse, Goro thinks. He’s instantly disgusted by the thought of Shido fantasizing about anything—and the idea that Goro is tangentially part of it because he’s watching it happen as if he were looking into Shido’s own mind—but he’s also grinning like a madman.
What a weakness. Daydreaming in the middle of the day (it’s not even noon yet in the real word) about sex. Shido is a pervert, everyone knows that, but this is too much! Shouldn’t he be focused on work? Even if the daydream is playing out in his subconscious, then doesn’t that mean Shido is horny? So horny that his brain would entertain itself with thoughts like this while he’s off doing politician work?
Goro clutches his hand to his chest. Determined to pick at this weak spot. His father’s degenerate sexual appetite. He’ll find a way to destroy him with this, for sure! Since it was this lust that gave birth to Goro in the first place. It should be his downfall one way or the other—
When he cranes his neck further, he can see Shadow Shido’s back. He’s standing, his hips drilling forward into a set of naked legs. There’s a person bent over the steering wheel, face first, ass out. Pants around their ankles. Shido’s well-muscled ass is pounding forward, his front already buried deep inside the other person. A skinny person, much smaller than him.
So Shido has a type, Goro muses. An obvious type. He likes giving it to people physically weaker than him. Well. You didn’t need a novelist to write something like that.
“Ahhh…! Please more! Keep going, don’t stop!”
Goro looks again. He sees Shadow Shido bury a gloved hand in the person’s hair—sandy brown. Uncomfortably familiar to Goro….wait is that—
The shadow yanks on the hair and the person’s face jerks up into the light. Goro can see it as clear as day. And…
It’s like looking into a mirror.
Something crawls up the inside of Goro’s chest. He thinks he’s going to vomit. He slaps a hand over his mouth and recoils into the shadows.
It’s him. It’s him! That person is wearing Goro’s face and his school uniform (or at least the blazer and striped tie, since his black slacks are pooled immodestly around his feet).
“Ah! Yes, yes, Captain! Your dick is so big! I love it!”
Goro is covered in hot, sour sweat. He’s not looking anymore because he can’t bear the sight, but he can hear it perfectly. To his ears, it might as well be playing through a microphone. Painfully loud.
Is that…his voice? He sounds like that ?
Goro bites his own finger. Fighting the feeling of pure unbridled hatred and ruinous disgust. He wants to vomit until his stomach turns itself inside out. Until there’s nothing left inside and he can shake the feeling of something creeping along his skin. Goro wants to bash his head against the wall until he can’t see or hear. Until he tastes blood and blacks out. So he doesn’t have to hear those words anymore.
…He doesn’t sound like that. He’s never sounded like that. Like a—
“Of course you like it,” Shadow Shido croons. Thrusting forward with the prowess of a god. The ideal male specimen. Perfect posture, perfect angle, perfect stamina. Shido clearly imagines himself to be the perfect lover. “You were born to take it. Weren’t you?”
“I was!” The cognitive version of Akechi—the version of himself that this palace has conjured up—is screaming his agreement. “I was born to be fucked by you, Captain! My body is yours! You can do whatever you want with it!”
Shadow Shido laughs happily. His voice is not even strained by the exertion of his lower half. “Of course I can! There’s no question!” He fucks him harder. Gripping his bare hips with his strong, gloved hands. “You’re my son, but you’re also my personal tool. I can use you however I like.”
Wait, Shido knew ? He knew that Goro was his son? How did he…?
But Shadow Shido kept going. Elucidating. “When I tell you to get on your knees, you get to your knees and lick me as well as your sexy little mouth can handle. When I tell you to bend over, you drop your pants and offer yourself to me without a moment’s hesitation. Doesn’t matter where we are or who’s watching. You follow my orders. Isn’t that right?”
“Ah, fuck, yes! Y-yes, yes I will! I’ll follow all your orders!”
Shadow Shido hums in approval. “You’ve learned that already, have you?”
“I have, I have! Ah, oh God, that feels so…a-amazing…I can’t—!”
“Don’t call out to ‘god,’” Shido snarls. He slaps Cognitive Akechi’s ass in retaliation and pounds him harder. “There is no god for you. There’s only me. I am your God. Your father. Your captain with a divine mandate. Do you understand?”
“Ahh-ahhhh!!!” Cognitive Akechi is taking it so rough he can barely stand. His words trail off into an unintelligible mess. “Muh…puh…leez…muh…errr…!”
Goro thinks Cognitive Akechi might be dying. Is Shadow Shido killing him? With the sheer force of his sex? Fighting every nerve in his body, every mortal instinct that his body has been cultivating these past seventeen years. He wants to see if Shido is murdering him or—
In hindsight, it’s probably this last look that does Goro in. For good. But that’s hindsight. Which is, as they say, twenty-twenty.
When Goro looks back over at the pair of shadows, he sees the cognitive version of himself in absolute ecstasy. Drool runs down his chin in rivulets. Tears stream across his face. His cock and stomach are drenched in cum, evidence that he’s orgasmed several times already, making a small puddle on the floor. His black, soulless eyes have gone glassy. Watery and full of—
Bliss. There’s this stupid, ugly, revolting, heavenly, amazing smile on his face. Like he’s truly seen god. Like he’s been delivered into rapture. A fool. A soulless idiot who’s met his life’s purpose being speared on Shadow Shido’s cock.
Goro sees that helpless, joyous expression. He’s never…he’s never…he couldn’t even…that’s not him. That’s not him! That’s not him, it’s not him. It’s not. It’s a lie. Just a cognitive trick. Just Shido’s perverted imagination run wild. Not the real him—
The real him has never looked that happy before in his life.
He’s so fixated, Goro doesn’t even notice that his pants have become tighter. He doesn’t realize his thighs are clenching together and his throat is bobbing up and down as it swallows. Again and again.
“Speak properly. Salute your captain like a good tool.”
“C-c-captain!” Cognitive Akechi’s mouth forms the words sloppily. As if his lips and tongue have stopped working. A shaky hand rises in a weak, barely recognizable salute. “My captain! I’ll follow you…whatever you want—I’ll do—I’ll—AH!”
Goro watches himself cum. For what must be the thousandth time.
“Hmph.” Shadow Shido sounds barely phased. A sex god, a demon. Impeccable. “You’re cumming every time I thrust into you. Does my cock really feel that good?”
“Nnh…uh…” Cognitive Akechi’s eyes are rolled back. He’s twitching like he’s still cumming. Like he’s dying.
Goro bites his finger again. This time he’s not sure why he does it. Maybe because something hurts down below and he’s trying not to get distracted by the pain.
“I know,” Shadow Shido hums, scooping Cognitive Akechi into his arms. “I know how good it feels for you.”
He flips him around and carried him over to an outcropping in the wall. Sitting him down, pushing back into him from the front now. Letting the cognitive puppet wrap his legs around his waist, grip onto the tassels on his shoulders. A scrawny, mostly naked mess. Wrapped around his father for support.
His father…
Goro bites his finger hard enough to break the skin.
“C-captain…” Cognitive Akechi warbles and buries his face in the side of Shadow Shido’s neck. “Don’t ever stop fucking me.”
“Don’t worry.” Shadow Shido shows no sign of slowing down. “I won’t. Now…”
He takes a deep breath. Experience tells Goro what’s coming next and he’s not sure if he can handle it.
With a rush of hot air, Shido exhales his last command, “Accept your captain’s blessing.”
He cums. Cognitive Akechi arches into it like it feels good. He shakes with pleasure, knuckles white around the shoulder pads. Twitching his own release yet again as he withstands the sensation of being filled.
“Take it all, take it all…” Shadow Shido repeats over and over as he empties himself completely.
When he’s finally done, he pulls out and pushes Cognitive Akechi’s face downward. Forcing him to see the mess he’s made of him. His gaping hole, the milky cream spilling out of him. Running down his quivering thighs.
“Look. See how benevolent I am?” Shadow Shido grins in delight. Golden eyes sparkling with madness. The look of a shadow who’s high on their own bullshit. “Your captain has given you such a big gift today.”
Cognitive Akechi drags a hand through the mess and sticks it in his mouth. Moaning like the slut he clearly is. “I’m not worthy…I’m not worthy of my captain’s generous offering…”
“You’re not.” Shadow Shido pats his face. He fixes his own uniform pants and turns back to the steering wheel. Eyes trained forward. Looking into the distance. As they always do. “You’re right, Akechi-kun. You’re not worthy. But, you can work hard to try to live up to my standards anyway. Can’t you?”
Cognitive Akechi stretches himself wide. Completely unashamed at the state of himself. Wallowing in the afterglow of pleasure. “I will, Shido-sama. I will work hard. I promise.”
“Good boy.”
Good…boy…
The words echo in Goro’s head. Something inside of him fissures. A tiny thread-like crack appears along the seam of the wall around his guts. The soft stuff inside of him that he’s been guarding ever since he was little. He thought that wall was made of iron but actually now he thinks it was made of glass all along.
Goro watches the cognitive version of himself lay down along the gears of the helm. Right at home. Content to be debauched and shameless as he lays next to his captain. Who seems unmoved by his presence. Unlike the real Shido, who is always barking at Goro to leave once their business is finished, Shadow Shido seems to find Cognitive Akechi’s presence in his helm (his sanctuary) completely natural. He lets him stay there. Eventually the captain starts humming a tune. It’s an old enka tune Goro has heard before but can’t place where. (He doesn’t have much of an ear for enka music, unlike Shido.)
They are…
The word is ‘comfortable.’
As he watches, the crack inside of Goro slithers further and further up. Widening its gaps. Splintering outwards like a spider web. The glass groans under the weight of itself.
Goro wants to tear his skin off. He wants to scream until he loses his voice. He wants to throw himself off the side of the ship and let the water take him. The feelings inside of him—they’re too much.
Too much. Way, way too much.
He can’t.
He turns and runs as fast as he can to the nearest safe room. People notice (since hardly anyone runs in the cruise ship).
They make comments: “How rude!”
“The youth of this generation is doomed!”
“So impolite…where are the guards? Guards!”
Goro ignores them. His body is shaking. It hurts to walk and he doesn’t know why. When he finally reaches the safe room, he teleports himself back to the real world and lands on the street next to the Parliament building. His knees hit the pavement with an ominous crack. He’s sure they’re bruised.
But he can barely stand. He’s panting like he’s just run ten miles. His hands are trembling. He sucks in air and digs his fingers into the grooves of the pavement. Black grit gets stuck under his nails. So deep it hurts.
Goro wants it to hurt. He worms his fingers into the cement as hard as he possibly can. Every muscle tight with the exertion.
Good boy.
Accept your captain’s blessing.
You’re my son…
His son. Shido knew all along.
Damn it. Goddamn it! He knew!! Goro’s whole fucking plan, ruined! He was just kidding himself by thinking he would ever have the upper hand against this man! Shido knows everything! He knows that Goro is his son and he’s been using him to kill people anyway! He’s shameless! Utterly shameless!
He’s…Shido is…the worst possible fucking scum on the face of this planet.
Good boy. Take it all, take it all.
No, no, no! No!
“No, I won’t…” Goro shakes his head until he’s dizzy. “I won’t…you bastard…!”
“Hey, you! What are you doing there?”
Oh, shit. A security guard has noticed him kneeling there on the ground. Without turning around, Goro forces himself to stand and peels off into the night. Running at full speed. He’s not pursued—the guard just wanted to scare him off, and he succeeded—but Goro runs like the devil anyway. He runs all the way back to his apartment across town. Not bothering with a taxi or public transportation.
He doesn’t want anyone to look at him.
He feels like his mask has been ripped off. If anyone sees his face right now, they’ll know. They’ll see the black mask inside of him. Not only that, they’ll see…
Will they see the face of Cognitive Akechi? That depraved sex maniac? That beast…panting and begging for the captain’s cock…
His own father’s…
Hands quivering, teeth chattering (he’s cold? Why is he cold? He just ran so far..), Goro lets himself into his apartment. The first thing he does is run to the bathroom. He reaches for the toilet and throws up everything in his stomach. He can’t stop it. In fact, he welcomes it. He feels better when it’s done.
Not better, per se, but emptier. Less full of that awful, clawing, nagging feeling in his guts.
Empty is good.
He strips himself of everything and jumps in the shower. He scrubs himself hard enough to leave marks against the smooth porcelain of his skin. Digging his nails into his scalp. Trying to cleanse himself down to the marrow in his bones.
He’s disgusted. He’s disgusting. That version…that version of himself…
It wasn’t real, he tells himself. That was just Shido’s imagination. His subconscious. Shido might not even realize he’s thinking those horrifying things, his mind might just be producing images…and then Goro had to see them…
Don’t call out to God. I am your God. Your father. Your captain with a divine mandate. Do you understand?
It doesn’t sound like something Shido would say. And yet…it does. In a way. Shido would never use those words, probably, but…when he says things—anything, any words that come out of his mouth, it’s almost like…
Shido thinks he is a god with a divine mandate. Even though he would never say it out loud, that does seem like his true feelings.
How much else is Shido hiding? What other thoughts and feelings are kicking around inside his lecherous, criminally insane head?
Could he actually…? Want to…?
Goro screams into his hands. The sound echoes around the walls of his shower. What is he feeling? What is pool of boiling water erupting in his core? Why is he burning? He feels sick—he thinks might throw up again (Shido knows he’s his son and still he wants to fuck him?!)—but there’s not just the sick, sweltering hatred.
There’s something else. Goro doesn’t know what it is. He’s never felt it before. Or, no. He has. Somewhere in the back of his head he remembers feeling like this. A long, long time ago. Maybe when he was small…when he didn’t have anyone left to care for him, anyone in the world that wanted him. And he felt…greedy. Monstrous. There were a hundred hands reaching out from inside of him, begging, reaching into the surrounding night for anyone to hold onto. He longed for there to be someone in his life that would claim him, dare to speak up for him, to give him a place to be safe.
He thought this feeling was greed. Goro thought he had been so greedy back then, wanting these things. As he got older, he realized that there were more important things than a warm bed. Like, saving your own skin. Being able to walk away from a dumpster fire. These are things he prides himself on knowing how to do.
It doesn’t matter that those begging hands inside of him never found anything to hold. Those hands were ungrateful. He was just a kid, after all.
But now…
Don’t ever stop fucking me!
Don’t worry, I won’t.
I know how good it feels for you.
Goro steps out of the shower and stares at himself in the mirror. He stares at his stomach. The place where he feels those clamoring hands. They are back. Reaching…reaching…
“No.” Goro slaps himself in the face. “No. Stop it.”
They’re not back. He killed that greed long ago. He’s probably just hungry or something since he threw up earlier. Those hands are dead. Dead. Buried.
Goro takes a deep breath. Gets ahold of himself. He needs to calm the fuck down.
Nothing happened. Everything he saw was just in the metacognitive world. No one else living knows about that slutty version of himself Shido cooked up. No one else ever will.
He’s fine.
It isn’t like Shido actually raped him or anything. God, what would he do then? How could he ever face the world knowing that his father had…? And how could Shido…?
A thought strikes him. Plucking a string inside the conniving part of Goro’s brain.
If Shido actually…that is to say, if it were real…
Breaking into a grin, Goro looks back at himself in the mirror. Why hadn’t he realized any of this sooner? This isn’t a loss—far from it! He actually won!
He knows now that Shido has a weakness. A glaring, obvious, dirty, ruinous secret! Shido wants to fuck him! On some level at least, consciously or not! If the press ever found out that their darling ministerial candidate—the picture of strength and manly fortitude—wants to fuck a seventeen year old high school boy, not only that, his own son …! The world would disown Shido in a heartbeat. He’d be destroyed in seconds. Ruined far faster and far greater than Goro could dream.
He’d be a laughingstock and a pariah. A degenerate. The worst thing that had ever surfaced in this country.
It would be delicious . The perfect revenge for making Goro, any version of him, look like that .
All it would take is…
…What?
Goro lays down in his bed. Naked. Still wet from the shower. Exhausted. Mind racing.
How can he get real evidence that Shido wants to fuck him? Something tangible and damning. Something no one can refute. Something he can hold over Shido’s head until the day they both die.
He would have to…
Goro clamps a hand over his mouth. Holding something in, a laugh or a scream. He has to…and then…what, film it, or…? Or could he just…
Will Shido actually…?
Burying his face into his pillow, Goro shakes his head again and again. Shido will, he figured. If Goro offers himself up on a plate, Shido will take him. In his DNA, Shido is a pervert. Tried and true. Goro knows that much already.
He’d seen him…that time. In the club. Goro had been invited to a private celebration in a private hall where Shido frequented. He only extended an invite to Goro on rare occasions when he was extremely pleased with Goro’s performance. Like after he killed someone, or saved them from a national scandal. Or both.
This was one of those times. Shido invited Goro to his club after business hours. There were a lot of familiar faces. Famous leaders. People smoking, drinking. And there were a lot of women. Young women in flimsy clothes. High heels and professional make-up. They came in a big group and were greeted to cheers and applause.
They were paid, Goro realized instantly. He was sitting on a smoky couch clutching a glass of wine he’d been nursing all night. These women were hired. For what specifically, Goro didn’t know. He didn’t care to find out.
The night lingered on. Goro finished his wine in a hurry. It went straight to his head. In a daze, he gathered his things to leave. But the lights were dim and there were suddenly a lot of bodies all around. The highest men in society were sitting in chairs getting lap dances, drinking themselves silly. Goro found one man—a senator he’d seen on TV making a speech about how Japan needed to foster a spirit of hard-earned integrity in their youth—pouring sake over a woman’s naked ass. Braying like a donkey and licking the alcohol out of her crevices.
Goro couldn’t find the door.
He bumped along the walls, trying to feel for the exit, since he could barely see anything. He was lost. The only thing he found…was Shido.
Shido was in the corner with a woman. One of the prettier ones. They were plastered together in a dark corner. Shido had one hand tangled in her hair, grabbing it in his fist as if to keep her in place, although she was not struggling. His other hand was buried far up her skirt. He was kissing her on the mouth, eyes closed in concentration.
Goro froze. Unsure what to do. He was normally alabaster in Shido’s presence but right now he was kind of drunk and everything was shadowy and smoky. Also, Shido was kissing a woman. A hired sex worker. A woman that could have easily been Goro’s mother—except it wasn’t because Goro’s mother was dead.
Goro watched. He stood there. Was he waiting for Shido to dismiss him? Was he waiting for it to be over? How long would he watch…? Until Shido took this woman to bed? Would Goro watch them fuck until they were fully done?
Then…Shido turned the woman to one side. His eyes slid upwards on their own. He made eye contact with Goro.
Caught, Goro pressed himself against the wall. As if it could protect him.
But it was too late for that. Shido saw him. Raised his head. He smiled at Goro, that lopsided, swarthy grin he had. He was clearly drunk. Goro breathed a sigh of relief, hoping that Shido would not remember this tomorrow—
And then Shido’s hand started working furiously underneath the woman’s skirt. She moaned, grabbing his wrist. Wagging her hips as she rode his hand.
Shido didn’t break eye contact from Goro once. He stared him down. Not even blinking. Looking at Goro like he was a meal.
Like he was…part of it.
Scared out of his mind, Goro tore himself away from that woman’s moans and Shido’s animalistic grunts. He found the club’s staff entrance and ran.
After that, he politely declined any offers to attend Shido’s club.
The memory of that night scares the hell out of Goro. He had been tipsy, sure, but he knows what he saw. Shido looked him right in the eye while he was fingering a woman. The expression on his face was nothing short of predatory. Those eyes were devastating. Haunting. Goro still has nightmares about them.
Well. Nightmares, and…
Now, in his head, Goro imagines those eyes plastered on the face of Shadow Shido. While he fucks the cognitive version of himself. He pictures those eyes and suddenly he’s…
You’re cumming every time I thrust into you. Does my cock really feel that good?
Goro reaches down and feels his aching hard-on. He trembles as he touches himself. He feels like he’s been hard for a while, but he only just got home. How could he be this hard already?
Doesn’t matter where we are or who’s watching. You follow my orders. Understood?
Y-yes, yes I will! I’ll follow all your orders!
The words from the scene and the images…Goro’s thinking about it as he strokes himself. He’s picturing the look of dumb, mindless pleasure on his cognitive self’s face. He’s imagining Shido’s lascivious eyes and his ruthless hands. Making that woman moan. Making his cognitive self drool and cum all over himself.
Shido’s cock…Goro didn’t get to see it, but…is it really that good? How could anything feel that good inside of you, in that place? Goro’s never really thought about it before. Now, thinking about it has him panting. Jerking himself as hard and fast as he can.
He’s hard because he’s just so excited to see Shido’s downfall, Goro tells himself. He’s about to cum because the thought of Shido’s face when he realizes he screwed himself will be so hilarious. It feels good because…because…
Don’t ever stop fucking me!
Don’t worry, I won’t.
Good boy. Take it all.
When Goro cums, he’s biting his pillow with all his might. He’s humping his own hand like a degenerate and he thinks…he worries for a long time that something inside of him might be broken.
But he doesn’t feel broken. He feels…excited.
He has a plan now. A new one, something he never thought he’d consider, but at this point in time…it feels like it could work.
_________________________________________
Goro shows up in Shido’s office the next day wearing a loose t-shirt and the tightest jeans he owns. It’s not something he would normally wear anywhere except a high school party or some stupid shit like that, but today….Goro has a mission. A clear goal.
“Come in.”
When he hears Shido’s voice, Goro immediately breaks into goosebumps. A roil of disgust washes over him and he thinks he might throw up again. He still hasn’t recovered from the sight the other day and even though he’s come up with a plan, he still feels…things. Too many things.
He shoves them all to deepest layer of himself. Not to be touched.
Goro struts into Shido’s office with all the confidence of a young peacock. He holds his head up high and walks right up to Shido’s desk. Giving his father a chance to appreciate the sight.
Because he knows now that Shido will appreciate it.
For a moment, Shido is stunned. His eyes run over Goro’s appearance and a gap forms between his lips. As surprised as Goro’s ever seen him. Slow to speech. That’s already a success!
Goro has to bite his cheek to keep from laughing.
“Akechi-kun…what on earth are you wearing?” Shido barks. Wrenching his eyes back to his tablet with a frown.
“I got my uniform dirty yesterday helping the gardening club with some planting. There was dirt everywhere… ” Is that too much? Goro doesn’t know. He keeps going. “I was so filthy afterwards I had to take a shower at school. It was kind of creepy because the school’s showers don’t have doors, so…really, anyone could have seen me. That’s why I normally don’t shower there, but it couldn’t be helped! I really hope no one was watching me…”
There’s an imperceptible— not quite —bob in Shido’s throat. Goro squints. Not sure if he’s imagining it or if it’s really there. He’s an expert at reading Shido Masayoshi. But he’s never had to do something like this. And he’s never seen Shido fighting with himself. Normally Shido just gives in to all his desires on the spot. As far as Goro understands, anyway.
He’s counting on the man to do exactly that today.
Shido adjusts his glasses. His face is momentarily obscured. Then he says, “Why are you telling me all this? You’re too talkative today. Just give me your report.”
“Sure.” Goro does something he’s never done before. He throws himself onto the couch in Shido’s office. Lets his limbs splay. Legs open. Arms dangling over the back. The loose t-shit rides down the V of his neck, exposing more of his chest than it should.
Shido is watching him now. Eyes fixed on that bit of chest Goro has exposed.
“This palace seems like nothing special, really,” Goro drawls. Playing with his hair nonchalantly. “It’s a museum. The security seems painfully easy to dodge. And the shadow king seems like a frivolous, cowardly man. I was honestly bored during the mission. Men like that are the most irritating thing in the world and their palaces are pitifully average.”
Goro flashes his father some teeth. Shido has been staring at him the whole time. His fingers hovering in mid-air over his tablet, as if he’s forgotten to type. All of his attention is on Goro.
That attention in itself is intoxicating. For a delirious moment, the begging hands of his youth are back. Reaching— reaching . Goro wants Shido to keep his eyes on him. Those eyes. The one from the club. The ones he’s seen framed by a warlord helmet. Those eyes that can destroy with a single glance.
Look at me…!
“I much prefer men who aren’t so lofty and flashy. I like men with substance, you know?”
Like you. The words are unspoken but they hang in the air as if they were said aloud. The look on Goro’s face as he stares back at Shido says them.
Shido wets his lips. He looks up at the clock on the wall. Then he glances back at his tablet. Is he calculating how long it would take to get Goro to a hotel? How long he needs to fuck him right here? There’s no way he can miss the signals Goro’s putting out right now. No way he can say no to this silent offer, if the depraved things brewing in his palace can be believed.
And yet, “Anything else?” Shido deadpans. Looking back at his tablet. Not sparing him an extra glance.
It stings. Shido is fighting this. Somehow he’s worked up the courage to fight back against Goro’s advances. How is that possible? Isn’t he working with the most ludicrous sexual fantasies anyone’s ever conceived? Asking Goro to call him a god? Come on!
Frustrated, Goro decides to turn up the heat. His phone is on in his pocket, recording everything. Every word. He needs the evidence of Shido’s disgusting desires. Just the words. And if Shido decides to do act on his desires…
If he does, then…
Goro’s eyes are wide. There’s a hunger in them that is not fake. But Goro can’t see it.
“Shido-san…are you doing anything tonight?” Goro asks airily. He slinks over to Shido’s desk. Leaning forward. Giving his father a good look down the gaping front.
Shido closes his eyes. He’s decidedly not looking at him.
What?! Why is Shido depriving Goro of those eyes now, of all times? When he’s throwing himself at him? After so long dancing around each other—
“Yes. I am. Of course.” Shido is speaking on a low tone. Quiet. His eyes are still closed. As if he can’t bear to look at him.
Face on fire, Goro leans forward. Close enough that he can make out the wrinkles on his father’s face. Around his eyes and mouth. Close enough that they can hear each other breathe.
“What about tomorrow night?” Goro whispers. His lips are practically touching Shido’s ear. Tantalizingly close.
Silence. Shido is frozen. His eyes are shut and hidden behind those orange glasses. There’s a barrier between them that is throbbing. Fraying around the edges. Goro can sense it. Is it about to drop? The thought that it could is making him so hard between his legs, turning him on so much—he wants to lean a little further and kiss Shido on the cheek.
The begging hands are stretched. About to grab—
Suddenly Shido stands up. Nearly knocking Goro on his ass. He doesn’t look at Goro, instead he turns his back on him and faces the window.
It’s worse than a cold shoulder. It’s an impasse. A bald head and a back that never bends.
“Akechi-kun.” Shido is using his most severe tone. The one he uses whenever Goro fucks up. “The answer is no. And now you need to leave.”
The words are a slap to the face. Goro just stands there, wavering on his feet. He can’t believe Shido actually turned him down! How does he have the strength…? Considering Shido is a slave to his lust—
But, he’s not. Not in the real world anyway. The real Shido is cold and calculating. He’s a horndog, sure, but he’s smart. He’s paranoid about people stabbing him in the back. He’s careful about boundaries between himself and everyone else. Shadow Shido is everything Shido wants to be—but this is not the metacognitive world. This is reality.
Shido is turning him down.
Goro’s bottom lip quivers for a moment. Then, he swallows and stands up straight.
“I see,” he says curtly. Back to his usual tone. Professional. “Well then. Have a good evening, Shido-san.”
He bows to Shido’s unyielding figure and makes his way out the door. Not hurried. Strangely, not ashamed.
Why should he be ashamed, Goro thinks, as the door closes behind him. He turns off his phone’s recorder and starts to chuckle. He’s lost nothing today. In fact, he thinks, he’s still gained something in the end.
Shido almost gave in. It was obvious. He didn’t, obviously, but he almost did.
So. In that case…Goro walks happily to the elevator. He’s fighting back giggles as he steps into the elevator.
What’s the rush, anyway? Not like Goro will ever let Shido go now, no way in hell. Not after what he saw in the palace. So, they have the rest of their lives to get this right.
However long that may be.