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Neville was done. He was absolutely, veraciously, unequivocally, truly fuckingly done. He couldn't. For the love of Merlin he couldn't anymore.
Holding on becomes so much harder the longer you do it and letting go seems as easy as blinking. But even being able to do that felt so insanely difficult then. He couldn't even raise his wand to cast a simple Protego if a Death Eater were to come firing hexes at him.
But that won't happen would it now? Because they had finally done it. They had won. There were no Death Eaters anymore. There was no Voldemort. Harry had taken care of it. They had taken care of it.
But at what cost? Almost no one was left to see the late spring sunrays falling over the black lake, painting everything in the eye-burning hues of orange. Can't the sun not rise for one day? So much had changed since yesterday, why couldn't that?
Luna, Ron and Tonks had fallen dueling Bellatrix at once. He had taken her out later but it had been too late. He had taken revenge for his parents. But it didn't make him feel good, it made him feel so much worse. But would his parents approve now? Will they be proud? He didn't think so.
But atleast there won't be any such incidents like his parents anymore, infact there won't be any people left at all for any incidents to happen with.
It wasn't fair, fighting for so many years and then not living to see the next day when it had finally ended? What sort of Karma was this?
They had all gone through so much, suffered so much, in the hopes that some day it'll be worth it. But it wasn't. They had all died and now there was no one alive.
He couldn't imagine what Hermione must be going through right now, and Dennis and Mrs. Weasley, Ernie, Ginny and even Teddy, who hadn't even celebrated his first birthday yet and was already an orphan.
He needed to know why they had all given their lives for nothing, why had they fought for nothing. He didn't know what to do. That's why he had decided to end it. End it and be free of all the guilt, all the regret.
But something in him had stopped him and made him wait a bit. Wanting to get some answers before he took that final step.
So he had gone to where Harrys corpse lay and had searched him but had not found the stone he had heard him call The Resurrection Stone while he had been going in the forest to fight Voldemort under his cloak thinking no one could hear him.
But he had not found it with him, so he went in the forest and had followed Harry's trail and after hours had finally found a stone near a clearing that had no purpose laying there in the forest like that.
He had heard the tales about the Hallows but like so many others, thought it just a myth. But Harry had mentioned the stone and the Elder Wand was mentioned just before Harry and Voldemort had dueled. And he assumed Harrys cloak must have been the last Hallow.
So he had picked up the stone and brought it back with him and now lay below the huge tree just at the edge of the lake far away from the eyes of any human, alive or dead.
He had thought hard about who he had wanted to summon and finally decided upon Harry, because Harry always had always been able to figure out things and he was the only one he thought would understand how Neville felt because hadn't he suffered a small part of what he was feeling right now ever since the Third Task?
So finally, summoning all his courage, he had turned the stone thrice in his hand, thinking hard about Harry.
At first nothing happened. But after a few minutes had passed and Neville had started feeling disappointed, the air before him simmered and suddenly it felt a bit colder than before. And Harry had appeared. A ghost-like Harry, but it was Harry.
He had a grim expression on his face, his eyes glistening like an actual emerald as if he had been crying but the worry lines had disappeared and there was no scar on him.
And for a few minutes, they just stared at each other, Harry's eyes looking at his, as if he were looking at his soul not just his eyes, reading all the thoughts that had been going through his mind. His expression became slightly relaxed after some time. And his lips spread into a slight grin.
Finally, after what felt like years, just standing there and looking at each other, Harry spoke. " Hey Nev".
And just those two words were enough to do what nothing else had been able to do until now. He sank to his knees, in a disheveled heap and buried his face in his palm and at last, broke down.
A great tremor took over him as his grief poured out in a flood of uncontrollable tears. Gut-wrenching sobs tore through his chest, the sound of wailing and suffering echoing through early morning. He was mumbling incoherent things through his hands and nobody could have understood what he was trying to say.
But Harry somehow did and he was making soothing sounds and saying things to him trying to get him to get it all out, because he knew, even though Neville had been a sensitive child, he had never had a break down and he, just like him, liked to bottle it all up.
He was at last bleeding the salt of his soul out. And Harry let him. He knew how hard it could get shouldering all the responsibilities, all the hopes of the world.
After what felt like an eternity, Neville finally slowed down, he was no longer wailing , it was just steady streams of tears flowing down his cheeks, he swiped at them but they kept coming, he had wiped his eyes so much they were deep red and swollen now.
Even though he was trying hard to stop, moans escaped his lips occasionally through the suppressed sound of hiccups. He was biting his lower lip to keep from crying out. His vision was blurry, his whole torso was shaking still, but he had calmed down a bit. And through this all, Harry had been at his side, though he couldn't offer a hug, he did his best to make Neville feel better with his words.
After he had considerably calmed down, he sat with his back to the tree, looking over the lake with Harry sitting beside him. A rogue hiccup still made its way out from his mouth, but tears were no longer falling down from his eyes.
They just sat there listening to the chirping of the early morning birds going about their business, the small waves in the lake that made its way to the shore from the middle everytime the giant squid's tentacles made its way to the surface.
The life of these creatures were so peaceful, no dark lords, no wars, no humans.
Neville wanted rid of those emotions he was feeling. The regret he felt, the grief, the sorrow. All he could think of right now were why did his parents hide him when Death Eaters came for them, they could have just given him up and the Death Eaters would have killed him and he wouldn't have had to live through these last few hours.
As if sensing his thoughts, Harry broke the silence once more.
" I've always wanted to know what my parents would think about me, you know? Just like you did. And you know what Nev?" He said now turning to look at him, "They said they were always proud of me and that they were always by my side when I needed them the most, but I just didn't know. "
Neville thought of all those times during his childhood when he had cried himself to sleep thinking his parents could never be proud of him because he hadn't showed any signs of having magic.
"You know the most important thing of all Nev?" He turned back to look at the lake and the sun rising. " They loved me, they loved me with everything they had from the moment I was born. And if you understand that, you'll also know that was because I was their child, not because I was a kid of some abysmal prophecy, not because I became the boy-who-lived or defeated Voldy-shit-face, but because I was their son. "
He closed his eyes, and a single drop of sorrow welled up at the corner of his eyes.
"And that is true for almost all the parents in the world,and yes, including yours.
They were aurors Nev, Frank and Alice. What was the most important of aurors back when they were still fighting a war with Voldemort? To keep people alive, to get rid of these parasites that were slowly eating their own people. They put their lives on the line everyday, every living moment, so that the people could wake up the next day in a better one. "
He thought of how there weren't enough people left to make him want to live even another moment.
"You wanna know what must have kept them going? You. Thinking you'll someday live a life without always having to watch your back, living happily with your friends that would become your family. They gave up their sanity so you could have a life. "
Neville scoffed, 'Yeah what a great life I have had' he thought sarcastically.
"I know you did your job, you defeated the dark forces, but that wasn't the only purpose of your life. Everyones primary purpose in their lives is to live, to leave an effect on the people they lived with, not throw away your chance at getting to do that just because so many others didn't. If that happens they all died in vain, I died in vain and your parents sacrificed it all for nothing.
Do you want that Nev? To just give up what so many others couldn't have but still fought for it with all they had? I know that's not what you want."
'No I don't' He opened his eyes turned to look at Harry once more.
"You deserved a better life than this, you all did. But when has life ever been fair right? But it'll all be worth it if you get a better life. "
'Like that could ever happen with nobody else left to live it with'
Harry went on, "You are one of the bravest people I know, don't ever doubt that. It takes a lot doing the things you have been doing for everyone, looking out for everyone of us, even running the risk of McGonagall's fury , and Hermione's spells, when you used to be afraid of your own shadow, but you still were so brave even then, standing up against all of us. "
A snort escaped Neville 'Like I could let Gryffindor lose tons of points because its golden trio decided to have a late night adventure'
"You have to be brave even now , Neville. If not for yourself, then for the friends who still need you. There's so less of us remaining and if you guys give up hope too then we might have killed Voldemort, but he won. There are so many we have lost already. Luna, Fred, Colin, Hannah, Arthur, Ron and so many others. "
A great lump formed in his throat hearing those names.
"They knew what was on the line, they knew the risks they were taking, that they might not come out of it alive, that they may lose their friends and family."
'Yes but they didn't know almost all of the wizarding population will be wiped clean!'
"Before those reinforcements arrived, there was a very slim chance that our side was going to win, but we still fought on didn't we? Because we believed in what we were fighting for.
We weren't fighting to kill Voldemort, you weren't fighting for that, we all fought so that atleast some of us could live on and remember us – those who went down fighting - remember our sacrifices and live on for us, because even though we fought so hard for it, we couldn't. "
Neville couldn't say anything to that, he knew Harry was right and he hated him for that.
"And help the survivors live, help each other recover from this, George, Ginny, Hermione, Ernie, Dennis, you are all going to need each other, they cant do this without you Nev, they might lose hope even more if you do this."
He finally spoke his first words since Harry came, " But it – it's so hard Harry, carrying on without you all. I – I don't know if I have it in me anymore. What it will take me to keep going day after day when I know there won't be a Hogwarts to come back to, it wont be the same without the people in it, without you all. "
"Yes Nev I know. But even though you think it, not everyone is dead. You are not the lone survivor, you still have friends left. You all can still carry on"
" Yes, yes we can " He said finally conceding.
" You have been so amazingly selfless so far, do one more act of selflessness Nev, please. I cant watch this happening to any more of you. I cant. "
Neville was beginning to feel exhausted again. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying not to fall asleep and keep all his attention on what Harry was saying.
"Live on for me, for us. Don't join us yet. Its not your time.
I don't know how its going to be now, but I am pretty sure the world's always going to need someone to teach them that believing is seeing, Luna isn't there to do that anymore, so you must take up that job. But you'll be okay Nev.
One day, you'll be okay. "
'I hope you are right about this Harry, because if you are not, I am going to hate you so much'
"Please keep an eye on those who are left, you've managed to get to people when nobody else could. So look out for them. I'll owe you a thousand times over for what you did and will do. I'll remember that when we meet next. And make sure that happens decades later okay? Thanks for standing by me always, for being you. "
Neville could no longer hold himself, it had been too long and he was tired, so so tired.
Just as his eyes closed and he drifted into a deep sleep, Harry patted him over his heart and faded away just before the resurrection stone tumbled down from Neville's palm and down into the black lake.