Chapter Text
Mei Hanxue did not know when things had begun to change inside his heart. To him, Xue Meng had always been nothing but the son of his benefactor, someone he should take care of and support whenever it was needed out of respect and gratitude for what had been done for the twins' mother by his parents when they were younger. He felt even more inclined to do so after the passing of Xue Zhengyong and Madam Wang, as he could so clearly see the way something seemed to have been broken beyond repair inside the previously prideful gaze of the new sect leader of Sisheng Peak.
He was a good judge of people and Xue Meng didn’t exactly do a very good job at hiding the heartbreak and loneliness he felt, it was written all over his features. He didn't quite know why at the time, but seeing such a bright light suddenly become so dim had brought a weird sense of discomfort and uneasiness to his otherwise carefree heart.
At the time, Mei Hanxue had decided that he would do anything to put a smile back on Xue Meng's face and make him laugh — it was for his parents' sake, he told himself. After all, the Kunlun Taxue Palace disciple was sure that they would not like to see their beloved son so upset and so, Mei Hanxue had taken that task upon himself without ever being asked. Truth be told, he wasn’t even sure himself when he had ended up with such a goal, but he was not one to give up easily.
Xue Meng didn't seem to care much for his company or his older brother's, but the cultivator was also aware that they were the closest thing to a solid foundation that he had then, in a time of desperate need. His sect was not entirely gone, but every single person Xue Meng cared the most about was either dead or had disappeared. In the end, in such a short span of time, everything had changed and he found himself all alone.
The relationship between his own sect and Sisheng Peak had always been good and peaceful, but things had improved even more upon the reconstruction of the cultivation world and the alliance they had formed. To Mei Hanxue, it meant only one thing: he could visit Xue Meng as much as he would like. Or at least as much as he was allowed, in between any sect related business and when their shizun did not need their assistance or presence.
Thinking back on most of the said visits now, he could say that perhaps his feelings had gradually begun to change a long time ago — so slowly that not even Mei Hanxue had been able to notice it himself on its early stages, not until they had taken such deep roots inside his ribcage that he could no longer rip it away or prevent it from spreading.
The way he felt for Xue Meng was unlike anything he’d ever felt before. He was used to fooling around, to promising his heart to pretty women so he could get into their bed and quickly throw them away once he had gotten what he wanted and grew bored — but this was not quite like that at all. The overwhelming urge to tease, to rile him up, and to get the other’s attention did not go away even after months of proximity.
Xue Meng continued to be one of the most interesting people Mei Hanxue had ever met, in ways that exceeded the feelings of gratitude that had led him to stand by his side in the beginning. He also couldn’t exactly tell why he thought he was so remarkable, but there was no denying the way the young sect leader of Sisheng Peak had accomplished something many female cultivators had only dreamt of in the past.
It had been just another quiet and pleasant evening at the mountain peak that time. Mei Hanxue was no longer a stranger inside the sect and all of its elders and disciples already knew of his existence and the position he held in their leader’s life. Whether Xue Meng would admit to it or not, he had grown to heavily rely on the Mei twins during the time of reconstruction — they were the only people he felt like he could be himself around (to some extent, at least) and that he did not need to watch his manners with, how could he not seek out their companionship?
Unknowingly, both Mei Hanxues had become the closest thing he had of a friend, even if he did not dare allow himself to think about the matter further, lest he is reminded of the ones he had lost. The blond cultivator already had free access to almost every little corner of the sect, being able to walk freely through its halls without anyone questioning his presence or demanding he explained himself. It was just like that that Mei Hanxue found himself often in the company of Xue Meng, without no one else around.
The night he finally realized his true feelings for the other was much like many of the times they had spent together since they had gotten closer, walking around the sect and talking like they were old friends. He didn’t remember much what exactly they were discussing at the time, as the less memorable parts of the conversation had become a blur in Mei Hanxue’s mind.
It was not something he was particularly interested in, so most of his attention had been devoted to scanning the other’s features, who spoke so freely and with such energy without even realizing that the one he was talking to was barely listening. At that moment, he looked almost like the younger version of himself, the one who did not have any worries in this world and showed such brightness under the long eyelashes that partly covered his dark yet warm eyes.
Over time, he had grown oddly familiar with every little detail about Xue Meng’s features and demeanor, like the way his gaze would lit up when he was excited or how his brows would furrow slightly whenever he got confused. They were little things Mei Hanxue had never bothered to learn about any of the other people he had become involved with — they had all been too easy to get, coming and going so fast that he could hardly remember their faces. All of his past companions in bed had been nothing but pretty, but none of them had truly been able to make a lasting impression. But that was not how things were with Xue Meng.
The height difference between the two had always made the sect leader of Sisheng Peak feel slightly frustrated. He would do anything he could to lessen the few centimeters that set them apart and make himself feel taller, posture kept straight as he raised his chin high in an attempt to look more imposing. However, such an action did not really have the effect that he was trying to accomplish — it only made the clear jade eyes of the other move to the shape of his jaw and the curvature of the fair neck that extended under it and had become quite exposed.
From his angle, Mei Hanxue could almost see the collarbones that were not fully hidden by his blue robes, making his imagination take on the job of picturing how the rest would look like. It was a tempting thought, a curiosity that began to grow stronger and took hold of a portion of his mind as he continued to listen on. Fingers almost itched to reach forward and lightly tug on the fabric, to let it unwrap under his touch and see just how much of the image in his mind was actually real.
However, that was not all that was going through Mei Hanxue’s head. Lusting after someone and craving to have their body under his were feelings that he was fairly familiar with, having experienced so many times before with multiple people. Even with Xue Meng, he couldn’t say this was the first time he allowed such impure thoughts to fester, but they had never quite been like this before.
What truly surprised him was the way the gaze that had drifted back to the other's lips a moment later no longer only thought of how soft and sweet they would feel against his own, but how he wished to see them curl up into a carefree and happy smile instead. As honest, pure, and innocent of a thought as it might sound to others, it alone had nearly startled the man that had gained his fame as a womanizer due to how foreign it felt on his heart.
For Xue Meng, Mei Hanxue felt many things. On a first and more superficial layer were the feelings he and his older brother held for him due to who his parents were and the situation he now found himself in. But if he were to look closely and truly reflect on himself, something else had brewed inside his chest — a gentle love, the need to keep him company and stay close, a desire to make him happy that was not only due to obligation. Although it had gone unnoticed for so long, when he finally realized it, it could no longer be contained.
The thin paper barrier that kept those feelings concealed had been ripped open and they all flooded his senses at once, causing his normally still and placid heart to skip a beat. Luckily for Mei Hanxue, he was not easily embarrassed and had no trouble maintaining his composure no matter the situation — but it was as if a switch had been flicked on inside of him, completely changing the way he saw the other and the way that he behaved. Under the moon and the night sky, a new light seemed to shine upon his face.
Interrupting Xue Meng’s mindless chatter, Mei Hanxue let out an unexpected and soft laugh as his lips curled up into a smile. While smiles often brightened his features, this one seemed to be a little different, in a way Xue Meng could not yet understand. His half-closed eyes were sparkling with mirth and affection as he lazily glanced down at the other, who looked nothing other than utterly confused.
He could see that Xue Meng was ready to raise his voice and ask why he was laughing at him, probably assuming he was making fun of him, but the cultivator gave him no time to speak. As the sect leader’s lips parted open, the blond’s hand moved to gently grip his chin between two fingers, leaning forward slightly as if he was trying to take a better look. “You are very adorable, did you know that?” Mei Hanxue hummed, tone sweet like honey.
Perhaps because he had spent so much time by Xue Meng’s side watching every change of his expression, it was very easy for him to tell what he was feeling. First, he saw the bewilderment flash through his eyes, which was then replaced by a deep embarrassment as his ears and cheeks turned bright red and, at last, anger born out of the shyness and shame that Mei Hanxue’s words had brought him.
He could tell he wanted to speak (and most likely complain about being called such an ‘unmanly’ thing), but any and all things seemed to die on his throat as if Xue Meng was simply too offended to form a coherent sentence. “Y-you--!” He stuttered rather pathetically, fumbling for words.
That reaction had only seemed to entice and amuse Mei Hanxue further, another melodic laughter slipping past his lips as he begrudgingly pulled his hand away before Xue Meng combusted, the silver bell on his wrist chiming lightly as he did so. “Meng-er...” The blond tested out the intimate nickname for the first time ever since they had met in an almost purr, dragging out the word as if he was savoring some sort of sweet delicacy. As he did so, he could see Xue Meng visibly stiffen, cheeks turning into a red quite a few shades darker than before.
Seemingly satisfied with himself, Mei Hanxue turned his gaze back to the other’s, who stared at him with wide eyes and a face just like a tomato as he continued to try to stutter a response — however, even that had quickly died out when he saw the way the other looked at him and the words that followed pounded into his brain to never be forgotten. Mei Hanxue’s gaze was much like a feline looking at its prey as if it had just found the most delicious of meals and did not plan on letting go. “I think I like you.”