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Nights in Marley were much more lonely. Gone were the days when the cadets would all sleep in barracks together - here, they each had their own small rooms, with a bed much more comfortable than anything they had during training or while working on the railroad. The silence was something Jean wasn’t accustomed to yet. He never thought he’d miss the snoring of the other soldiers, but now his room was quiet at night, it left him alone with his thoughts, thoughts that he didn’t like at all. Most nights, he suffered through it, but it was harder to go back to sleep after waking from a nightmare.
Armin’s room was next to his, and Jean took comfort in knowing he was just on the other side of the wall, but he missed lying there listening to Armin turning the pages of his book. He missed knowing when he was crying so he could comfort him, and he missed feeling comforted in return. Jean got out of bed and slipped out of his room before he could stop himself. It wasn’t uncommon for him to go and see Armin, or for Armin to come to him. They spent long nights together just talking about anything that would distract them from the world.
Jean hesitated for just a second before softly knocking, then Jean heard Armin pad over to the door.
“Jean?” Armin whispered quietly. He only opened it a little bit, but just the small portion of his face Jean could see made his heart beat a little faster.
“Hey,” Jean murmured.
Armin looked up at him, and Jean knew he could see right through him. He’d always been able to tell what Jean was feeling, or when he was lonely, and he always knew what to say to make him feel better. It was something they did for one another; Jean gave Armin the words he needed to boost him up, and Armin gave Jean the ones that calmed him down.
“Do you want to come in? I wasn’t sleeping.”
“Okay. Thanks, Armin.”
“Don’t mention it,” Armin said softly.
Jean went and sat down on Armin’s bed, a little too close for anyone but them. There had been a feeling between them for years, now, ever since their return to Shiganshina where Jean truly began to see Armin differently. Jean didn’t know if Armin felt the same way he did. Sometimes, it really seemed like it - but others, Jean was convinced he was only playing games that would get him hurt in the long run. He wanted his intuition to be right, but he wasn’t sure. He didn’t know if the times they’d almost kissed were part of his imagination. He didn’t know if the late nights they spent together just talking meant anything more than just the words they said.
“Are you okay?” Armin asked. Their thighs were touching; Jean pretended he didn’t notice.
“Yeah. Just wanted to take my mind off all this shit,” he murmured.
“Alright, well… let’s talk about something,” Armin suggested. “Ask me a question. Anything you want.”
Jean raised an eyebrow and turned to look at him. “Alright, then. Seeing the ocean back then - was it up to your expectations?”
Armin seemed a little taken aback. “Wow, you really went right in.”
“Would you rather I asked a more personal question?” Jean asked, and he leaned a little closer. He wasn’t sure if Armin was blushing, or it was the low light. He never let himself look long enough, most of the time.
“No,” Armin said, turning his head away. “That’s fine.”
“So, then, was the ocean what you thought it’d be?”
“It was,” Armin said. “It was… even more beautiful than I could have hoped.”
“Hang on to that,” Jean said quietly. “You need to remember the good moments.”
“Mhm,” Armin hummed in agreement. “I know. But I didn’t expect you to be the one that told me that.”
“Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do, then.”
“Maybe I don’t,” Armin said. “So let me ask you a question.”
“Go ahead.”
“Do you… miss your mother?”
Jean bit his lip when Armin said that, and frowned. “Yeah. Of course I do. I just… try not to let myself think about it, because it would slow me down.”
“You’ve changed a lot, Jean.”
“So have you,” Jean said, nudging him. “We don’t have a choice. You have to adapt or you die.”
“I mean, as a person,” Armin said. “I admire that you… you still have your humanity.”
Jean knew the weight of the words Armin said and he nodded quietly. “That’s what I’m holding onto.”
“Yeah.”
The silence hurt.
“It’s my turn to ask you a question,” Jean said in an attempt to lighten the mood again.
“Go ahead.”
“Tell me… tell me something about yourself that nobody else knows. Not even Eren.”
Armin seemed to tense up a little. He spent a few moments just thinking. like he was arguing with himself inside his own head before he sighed and his shoulders sagged.
“You have to promise me that it will stay between us.”
“Alright. I promise,” Jean said. “It’s not something bad, is it?”
“I don’t know,” Armin murmured. “It feels right and wrong at the same time.”
“Well spit it out. I’m curious now.”
There was another silence. Jean was surprised by the strength of his own heart beating; this calm moment was somehow more intense than the rush of battle.
“I… like men,” Armin whispered eventually. “In every way. Platonically, but also romantically… even sexually.”
Jean’s heart sped up more as Armin said those words. He knew what he meant; Jean felt it too, like an itch under his skin, that there was something different about him. There was something different about them . Jean had tried for so long to convince himself there wasn’t some spark between him and Armin, but he knew it was true. From the moment they had locked eyes in Shiganshina before Armin went to sacrifice his life, he had known it.
Jean had feelings for him.
“Have you ever…” Jean began to ask, but he trailed off as Armin went to speak.
“Stop,” he murmured, looking ashamed. “I don’t want your pity. Just don’t look at me differently, and we can forget about it. I’ll ask you a question, now, so just pretend I didn’t-”
“No,” Jean interrupted. “I don’t want to forget about it.”
“What?” Armin breathed.
“I don’t want to pretend you didn’t say that. It’s obviously been on your mind,” Jean murmured, moving closer again to test his reaction. On the bed, their pinky fingers brushed against each other, and Jean heard Armin’s breath hitch. “I’ll give you a question to ask me.”
“Jean, I-”
“Ask me if I’ve ever had feelings for a man.”
“I can’t-”
“Just do it, Armin,” Jean said. He could feel his own blush darkening across his cheeks. Armin smelled good. He couldn’t put his finger on the scent, but it was him . It was just Armin.
“Have you - have you ever had feelings for a man?”
Jean looked directly into Armin’s eyes as he answered. “I have.”
“Oh. Who?”
“It’s my turn to ask a question,” Jean said softly. “But I think you can use that brain of yours.”
“Jean…” Armin murmured, shaking his head like he knew but was scared of letting himself believe it.
“Armin.” Jean said his name just to hear it. “Will you let me kiss you?”
“Y-yeah,” Armin breathed. “Please.”
Jean took a moment to push Armin’s hair out of his face and just look at him. Armin looked into his eyes like he was searching for something, some reason why they felt the way they did. Jean had no answers, but he didn’t really need them. Not when he could look at Armin and see his beautiful soft face. Not when he was all Armin saw in return - the way he looked at him made Jean feel like the ocean.
The first kiss was barely a kiss at all. Jean closed his eyes and leaned in for just a moment, not even a full second, like he wasn’t quite sure everything wouldn’t come tumbling down as soon as their lips met. But it didn’t. It felt like the kind of happiness Jean had wanted when he first joined the military. It felt soft, but it was electric.
“Again,” Armin murmured, and Jean didn’t have to think twice before he was leaning in for a second time, this time for a kiss that stole the breath from his lungs. Armin’s lips were soft but firm against his. Jean wasn’t quite sure what he was doing, but he loved the way it felt. Only Armin could have made him stop. He was sure that Levi himself could walk in and he wouldn’t have been able to pull away. Reaching up, he held Armin’s face in his hands, and he felt him tense up.
“Relax,” Jean murmured, pulling back just a little. Their faces were still so close. “Is it good for you?”
“It’s amazing,” Armin breathed. “Jean, I-”
“We don’t have much time,” Jean interrupted him quietly. Maybe before, he would have tripped over his words or been too shy to speak, but now, Jean felt more confident because he knew that Armin truly felt the same way without any doubt. Years of honing his leadership skills had benefited him - he knew what he wanted, and when each day felt like it could be his last, he didn’t want to waste a single second.
“What are you trying to say…?”
“I’m telling you not to hold anything back, Armin.”
As he spoke, he leaned to kiss Armin’s cheek, then down to his jawline that Jean liked so much. It was softer than his own; if Jean didn’t know better, he would have said that Armin’s face looked innocent. He knew that neither of them were. They had done terrible things in the name of a better future and terrible things had been done to them, too. There was no point in waiting anymore. Jean wanted this small happiness before morning came. He needed it.
“I won’t,” Armin told him, and he shivered as Jean’s lips moved to his neck. Jean kissed him there slowly, savouring the way Armin’s breath hitched with each of his movements. He could feel the heat radiating off him. Armin was obviously sensitive, so Jean reached up to touch his face, thumb stroking over his cheek. Jean had been dying to know what he sounded like when he felt good, and now he could hear quiet, soft moans as Jean kissed down his neck, stopping where his t-shirt began.
His thoughts were running away with themselves. Jean groaned as he kissed Armin’s lips again, and Armin moaned right back, moving closer. All Jean could think about was kissing him everywhere. He wanted that so badly. He’d dreamt about it many times, but now it could really happen, Jean was intent on not fucking it up - the last thing he wanted was to make Armin do something he didn’t want to do.
“Tell me to stop,” Jean murmured, almost pleading with him as he slipped his hand underneath Armin’s shirt, as if he wanted Armin to force him to control himself.
“I don’t want you to,” Armin whispered back. He pulled back from the kiss so little that their lips brushed together as he spoke. “I want this.”
“Shit, Armin.” Jean’s voice was deeper than it usually was, and he was slightly out of breath. “If you say things like that I’m - I’m going to get the wrong idea.”
His hand was still under his shirt, and Jean let his fingers brush over Armin’s waist. Even without seeing him, Jean could feel how perfectly toned Armin was under his clothes and it made his mouth dry. Armin twitched under his touch, but he didn’t shy away.
“What if I want you to get the wrong idea?” Armin asked him. Hearing the tone of his voice sent a shiver down Jean’s spine. “I’m not innocent, Jean.”
“I- I never said you were,” Jean panted. His stomach felt so impossibly tight, heart pounding against his ribs. Squeezing Armin’s waist, he moved even closer to him. “But I don’t want to - I don’t want to do anything you don’t want.”
“Will you stop if I ask you to?”
“What - what kind of question is that?!” Jean exclaimed, narrowing his eyes at him. “Of course I will!”
“Then please carry on,” Armin said. “I’ve… been dreaming about this for a really long time.”
“You - you have?”
Armin nodded. “I like you. I know… tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. I don’t want to die with any regrets, even if I don’t deserve to be alive. I’m living on borrowed time, and I know it’s selfish of me, but I really, really like you.”
“Idiot. Of course you deserve to be alive,” Jean murmured. He had always known, he just didn’t want to let himself believe, just in case he was mistaken. But he hadn’t been - Armin really did like him back in the same way. Growing up, Jean had thought he was the only man that felt things for other men, but by some impossible chance, Armin was like him. “I… I like you too. And if I hadn’t been such a coward, we could have…”
“Don’t think about that,” Armin replied, leaning in to kiss him before pulling back and looking Jean in the eyes. “We can only control what’s happening right now. So let’s not regret anything.”
Jean could hear the blood rushing through his ears as he looked back at Armin, taking in the details of his face. It was mostly dark, but Jean knew the shape of Armin’s features better than his own and he loved every single one of them.
“You’re really handsome,” he said softly.
“You are,” Armin replied.
“Can I take your shirt off?”
“Mm.”
Jean lifted the material up and over Armin’s head slowly; he wanted to savour this experience together. He wanted this to be his best memory, to never forget how it felt to be with Armin. When it was off, Jean discarded the shirt on the floor, not caring about the mess when he had Armin’s body to pay attention to. The sight of him made Jean breathless. He was perfect - cute, but still incredibly attractive, muscular and toned.
“Let me kiss you,” he gasped.
“Wait,” Armin said, “I want to see you, too.”
Jean smirked and did as he asked, feeling a twinge of satisfaction when Armin let out a soft gasp at the sight of his body. He reached out for him, lying Armin back on the bed so he could be comfortable.
“Just shove me off if you don’t like it,” Jean murmured. He didn’t want to have to worry about Armin regretting this. When he saw him nod, Jean straddled Armin’s legs and bent down to kiss him. This time, he let his tongue swipe quickly over Armin’s bottom lip which elicited a loud moan from the both of them. That felt… almost too good. Armin did the same back, and Jean had no idea how he could feel so much so strongly. He had no real sense of time. Had it been seconds? Minutes? Jean could have easily passed hours just doing this, because the way Armin felt as he kissed him was better than anything.
Jean felt Armin’s fingers tangle in his hair, tugging ever so gently, and he choked on how good it felt. It was obvious Armin was enjoying himself, but Jean wanted to give him more, so he moved to kiss down his neck again. This time, though, he didn’t stop. Jean kissed along his collarbone, gently tracing his finger along the patterns on his skin left by years of wearing maneuver gear. He kept moving down, kissing along the line that led past his waist, making Armin whine and arch his back. The sounds coming from him were making Jean feel lightheaded, needy whines that were so much better than how Jean had imagined they might sound, and he let out a strangled cry when Jean reached down low enough to kiss one line of the V that dipped below his trousers.
“Jean!” Armin gasped, and Jean wondered if his name had always sounded so good, or if it was just because Armin was the one saying it.
“Too much?” Jean asked, pulling back. “Armin, I-”
“Not enough,” he interrupted, surprising Jean.
“You want more?”
“Please.”
“Wait… just give me a second,” Jean said, pulling back, suddenly overwhelmed as the situation really started to sink in. He ran his fingers through his hair and realised that his hands were shaking.
“Did I do something wrong?” Armin asked, obviously panicked.
“No!” Jean said quickly. “No, not at all, you’re… you’re perfect. I just need a second to wrap my head around the fact that this is really happening.”
“You don’t have to carry on if you don’t want to,” Armin said. “I’m not going to force you, either.”
“You’re not forcing me,” Jean reassured him. “Just… we should probably talk about this before we go any further.”
Jean was trying not to let his eyes rest on Armin’s crotch, but he couldn’t help staring. It was obvious that they wanted each other in the most intimate way possible. Jean didn’t know if he could bring himself to resist the urges he felt, not when this might be their only chance to act on them.
“Okay,” Armin said, and Jean noticed that Armin was having a hard time looking away from him, too. “I… uh… I’m sorry. I can’t think properly…”
“Me neither,” Jean laughed, not because he found it funny, but out of sheer disbelief.
“I’ve never done anything like this before.” Armin was blushing so much, and Jean loved it. He looked so cute when he was all shy.
“You say that like I have,” Jean said.
“That still surprises me.”
“Why?”
“Wh- what do you mean, why? Look at you!”
Jean smirked just a little and leaned in close. “Oh? What about me?”
“Jean…”
“No, go on. I want to hear what you have to say.”
“You’re so attractive,” Armin said breathlessly. He reached over to rest his hand on Jean’s chest, letting his fingers slowly trail down his torso. Jean’s mouth became dry and he had to bite his lip to stop himself from making a noise.
“Is that all?” He asked, trying to sound teasing, but he just sounded turned on.
“No,” Armin murmured. “I admire your leadership ability, your sense of morality, your confidence… you inspire me, and I always find my gaze returning to you. Who wouldn’t want somebody like that?”
Jean couldn’t stop himself from leaning to kiss Armin again, and he was even more out of breath when he pulled back.
“I want you,” he gasped. “I don’t want to waste this chance. I want you in every way you’ll let me have you.”
Jean heard Armin swallow before he nodded.
“I’ll give myself to you,” he agreed. “I want to be yours, just… be gentle.”
“Wait,” Jean murmured. “How do… how does it work when…”
“When we’re both men?”
“Y-yeah.”
Armin leaned in and whispered in Jean’s ear like they were sharing secrets in class, and as Jean listened, he felt the need in his stomach growing. He wasn’t repulsed at all; the idea excited him.
“Does that even feel good for you?” He asked, concerned despite his own arousal. “I can’t imagine…”
“It does,” Armin blushed. “I… I’ve used my fingers before.”
“Oh. Oh,” Jean said, feeling like he’d been kicked in the stomach, but in a strangely good way. “That’s… wow.”
“Are you disgusted?”
“What? No! No, you could never disgust me. I… that’s really hot.”
“Oh,” Armin blushed. “Um, good. So… what now?”
“Can I keep kissing you?”
“Please.”
“Okay. Just, um… is there anywhere that… feels good for you?”
“You’re being such a gentleman,” Armin teased softly.
“Shut up,” Jean said, but his words had no bite to them. “Are you going to tell me or not?”
“Everywhere feels good when it’s you.”
“Keep talking like that and you’re going to give me an ego,” Jean said sarcastically.
“Imagine that,” Armin teased back.
“Lie down,” Jean chuckled. “Let’s see how witty you are when I start kissing you again.”
Armin didn’t say anything else, but he was smiling as he lay back on his bed. Jean took a moment to admire the sight of him and wondered how he’d gotten so lucky.
“You’re really beautiful,” Jean said, swinging his leg over Armin’s waist so he was straddling him. Armin let out a soft gasp that was cut off by their kiss, which was harder this time, more passionate - now they knew what they both wanted, it was hard to hold back from having it. Jean kissed him for what felt like hours before moving down to explore his body with his lips again, and when he brushed over Armin’s chest, he spasmed under the touch, arching his back up and whining.
“There!” Armin gasped.
“Hm?” Jean asked, pulling back and looking up at him through his eyelashes.
“That - touch me there, please!”
“Here?” Jean pressed a kiss to one of Armin’s nipples before flicking his tongue over it. Armin had to cover his mouth with both of his hands to muffle the loud cry of pleasure he let out, and Jean saw the way his whole body was tensed up and writhing with need underneath him. “You want more?”
Armin could only nod frantically, and Jean obliged his desire, sucking gently on one nipple while he pinched the other between his finger and thumb. The sounds Armin let out made Jean dizzy with lust for him. He felt so lucky that he was the only one that got to hear him this way, that he was the only one that got to see how he shuddered and tensed up with pleasure. Armin was beautiful, and he was Jean’s only.
“Please,” Armin whined, trying to sit up and failing; he must have been too weak from how good he felt. That made Jean feel proud, and he smirked as he pulled back.
“Please what?” Jean asked.
“I need more,” he gasped. “I - my trousers feel too tight, I can’t -”
“I can help with that.”
Pulling back, Jean shuffled down the bed a little to get easier access to Armin’s lower half, and swallowed at the sight of where the fabric was straining against his erection. He was wearing the pyjama bottoms they all wore to bed, tied together with string at the front. Jean reached out with a shaky hand to undo the knot Armin had tied there, but Armin grabbed his wrist to stop him.
“Wait!” He said quickly. “I’m not - I’m not wearing anything underneath there.”
“Should I leave them on, then?”
“I just wanted to warn you,” Armin said. “I… yeah. I, um…”
“You’re all speechless,” Jean smiled. “I want to see. But only if you want me to.”
Armin nodded again, and Jean untied the string, his heart beating even harder when he realised he was going to see Armin fully naked in real life instead of just in his own head how he imagined. He slipped his fingers under the waistband of his pyjama bottoms and gently tugged them down, refusing to let himself look until they were off and with his shirt on the floor.
He was gorgeous. Jean wasn’t sure that he’d ever seen someone so beautiful, and when his eyes scanned over Armin’s naked body, he found that all he wanted to do was please him. He was slight, and much slimmer than Jean was, but Jean could see the strength in his physique and knew that this once-weak boy had learned how to be powerful.
“You’re staring,” Armin whispered.
“I can’t help it,” Jean murmured back. “You look incredible. I… want to touch you.”
“I want to touch you too.”
“Let me first.”
“Okay.”
“Can I… spread your legs open a little?”
Armin blushed but he didn’t protest, turning his head to the side as he nodded. Jean placed his hands on his thighs, keeping his gaze focused on Armin as he spread his legs apart. He felt like he was doing something forbidden, but forbidden had never felt so right before, especially when he got to see all of Armin like this. He was perfect, and suddenly Jean understood the feeling of wanting to sink into him and become one; it was all he could think about. Would it be tight around him? How different would it feel to his own hand?
He felt Armin’s legs, toned but slim, and leaned down to kiss him there, messily pressing his lips over and over to his inner thighs. Armin’s moans sounded so pretty - Jean could hear the desperation mixing in with the noises of sheer pleasure. Reaching up, he took Armin’s hand in his, their fingers locking together, holding on tight as Jean continued to kiss him in such a sensitive spot. Armin covered his mouth again, but when he did, Jean stopped.
“I want to hear you,” he murmured. “Don’t hold back your noises.”
“But-”
“No buts. The way you sound… it’s really turning me on.”
“J-Jean…”
“Like that,” Jean swallowed, then looked up at Armin’s cock where it lay leaking onto his stomach. “I want to kiss you there, too.”
“Oh,” Armin gasped. The look on his face was one of the most attractive things Jean had ever seen - it made him feel even better to know he was the cause of it.
“Can I?”
“Yes! Please…”
Jean hummed with satisfaction, kissing up his thighs until he reached his hips, where he sucked a lovebite into the skin before pulling back to admire the dark purple mark that was already healing thanks to Armin’s power. Armin was panting for breath as if he’d just run ten miles, and that made Jean smile because he felt the exact same way. He squeezed Armin’s hand and Armin squeezed weakly back just as Jean bent down to press a kiss to the head of his cock.
“Jean!” Armin yelled, sitting bolt upright and gripping onto Jean’s hand so hard that Jean thought his fingers might break.
“Bad?” He asked, a little dazed himself just from the feeling of Armin’s dick against his lips like that.
“No,” he moaned, lying back down and loosening his grip as he tried to catch his breath. “No, it was almost too good…”
“Should I do it again?”
“Y-yes!”
“Alright,” Jean murmured, trying to ignore how badly his own cock was aching to be touched, but that could wait. He wanted to make Armin feel good first, so he did it again, this time for longer, one kiss that lasted a long time as Jean’s tongue helped to stimulate him. Armin tasted… good. Jean liked the sensation of fullness as he slipped Armin’s cock into his mouth, bobbing down a little as he pushed his lips past the head, relishing in the way Armin cried with relief. Using his spare hand, Jean started to stimulate the rest of his cock, wrapping his fingers around him and slowly moving much like he did to himself late at night.
“It - ah! It feels so good, Jean, I… I can’t… I don’t know if I’m going to…” Armin rambled, blissed out and losing what little composure he had left, which only served to spur Jean on to make him feel even better. “If you don’t stop I won’t last!”
“What should I do? Should I keep going?” Jean asked, panting for breath as he pulled off him. “Do you… want to finish?”
“No,” Armin begged him. “No, I want… I want to go all the way first.”
Jean’s stomach flipped and he nodded, sitting up and finally untying the string on his pyjama bottoms, needing to get them off to relieve his dick from the pressure of straining against them. He threw them onto the floor, not taking his eyes away from Armin’s, and smirking when he saw his reaction.
“Now who’s staring?” Jean teased.
“You’re gorgeous…”
“Did you only just come to that conclusion?”
“No! No, I… I’ve thought that for a long time, Jean.”
“I could say the same,” Jean murmured. It was hard to resist the need to touch himself, but he knew that if he started, he wouldn’t be able to stop.
Armin sat up and reached for the bedside table, opening one of its drawers and pulling out a small bottle.
“We’ll, um… we’ll need this.”
“What is that?”
“It’s a lubricant. I made it myself… it’s used to make it easier to, um… fit up there.”
“Oh. So, you just…”
“This is so embarrassing,” Armin muttered before taking a deep breath to compose himself. “Normally, it would be very painful for, um, intercourse there, so you have to widen it slowly with your fingers first, one by one.”
“And you do that to yourself…?”
“Y-yeah. It feels really good…”
“That’s so hot,” Jean murmured.
“You think so?”
“Yeah. I want to see you do it sometime… but I want to do it to you even more.”
“Jean!” Armin moaned, squeezing his eyes shut tight.
“You want me to?”
“Y-yes! I… I need it.”
“Tell me how to do it without hurting you.”
Armin handed him the bottle, and Jean took the cap off before investigating the liquid inside. It was slick, viscous, and it made Jean want to touch himself, but he bit his lip and refrained. Lying back down, Armin looked up at Jean with those big blue eyes he loved so much.
“Coat one finger with it,” he said. Jean heard him swallow. “Then… you can put it inside. Gently.”
Jean nodded. “Okay.”
“I’m going to lie on my front so it’s easier,” Armin said and he rolled over.
Jean pushed his hair back out of his face and stared for a moment, looking at Armin’s body in awe. He had such a nice ass, and all the muscles in his back were tensed as he pressed his face into the pillows. And this was all for him, Jean realised. He got to indulge in this, in him - he just hoped it would feel good for Armin, too. He reached out, squeezing one of Armin’s ass cheeks with his left hand which made his cock twitch with interest. He pulled it apart, exposing Armin fully, and as Jean felt him writhe and push back into his hand, he knew he was doing something right. He wanted to be inside desperately.
Coating one finger with the lubricant as Armin had instructed, Jean reached out to press his slick finger to Armin’s entrance. The noise Armin let out as just the tip pushed inside was enough to have Jean feeling close to climax. It sounded so unlike Armin, who normally thought over every single one of his actions carefully. Seeing him completely relaxed like this, feeling nothing but pleasure… it was satisfying to Jean, because he cared about him.
“Good?” He asked breathlessly.
“Amazing,” Armin replied, and Jean felt the warmth of love spreading through his chest, too.
“Want more?”
“Please… but gently.”
“I’ll be gentle,” Jean murmured. “I’ll always be gentle with you.”
He kept going, pushing his finger in down to the knuckle, wondering how he was getting this so right considering he’d never done it before. Armin was whining into the pillows, pushing back onto his hand like he wanted more, and Jean kept going. He felt so impossibly tight around Jean’s finger, and it was hot inside, too, so much so that the very idea of sinking into him with his cock made Jean feel lightheaded.
When his finger was fully inside, Armin was breathing deeply, and the sound of it made Jean desperate for him, though he forced himself to keep going slowly. He pulled out a little before sliding back in, eliciting a low, deep moan from Armin that was less needy and more like he was finally getting the satisfaction he was craving.
“You sound incredible,” Jean whispered, leaning down to press a kiss to his back, gently stretching him open.
“Feels good,” Armin groaned. “Jean…”
“You’re doing so well,” Jean encouraged, kissing him again. “And you look so hot.”
“I want a second finger,” he gasped. “I can take it.”
“Will it hurt?”
“It… usually does a little bit, but my healing…”
“I’m not hurting you.”
“Be slow, then,” Armin turned to look at him over his shoulder. “You won’t hurt me if you’re careful… please don’t make me beg for you.”
“Fuck, Armin, you’re going to drive me crazy,” Jean whispered. “Alright, I’ll… I’ll add a second.”
He pulled out and added more liquid, finding it hard to tear his eyes away from Armin. He slowly worked the two fingers in, and Armin let out a slight whimper like he was in pain.
“Too much?”
“I just need time to adjust…” he murmured quietly. “Don’t move for a second.”
“Okay,” Jean agreed, a bit nervous that this was all going to go wrong. He was impatient underneath it all, wanting to feel him and be inside him, but his top priority was making it good for them both, because he cared for Armin.
A few moments passed and Jean felt him relax slightly around his fingers.
“You can move,” he moaned; it was clear that now it felt good again, but Jean still took it slow until the last of the resistance around him was gone. It took a little while longer, but soon Armin took a third, and he was shaking as Jean fucked him with his fingers, pushing his hips into the sheets. It was the most incredible thing Jean had ever witnessed, and he had never been more glad to be alive. On one push inside Jean curled his fingers a little differently and Armin cried out so loudly it bordered on a scream.
“What was that?” He asked, panicked. “Did I hurt you?”
“Ah… no,” Armin gasped, sounding entirely spent, but in a way that was so attractive. “I - that was - there’s a spot inside that’s… very sensitive. You touched it, and… that’s the best I’ve ever felt in my entire life…”
“Really?” Jean asked. He was almost emotional that he was doing a good job at pleasuring the person he liked so much.
“I want you,” Armin nodded, reaching back to grab Jean’s wrist; Jean pulled out, and watched as Armin shakily sat up. “L-lie down.”
“Huh?”
“Lie down,” Armin said again.
“You’re not going to do that to me, are you?!”
“No, I’m going to… Jean, just do it.”
“Alright,” Jean murmured, doing as Armin said and lying down where he’d been, but on his back. He watched as Armin picked up the bottle and squeezed some of the liquid into his hand.
“I’m… going to make it so I can… you know,” Armin murmured, blushing shyly as if Jean didn’t just have his fingers inside him. “So, can I touch you?”
“Please,” Jean groaned, finding it hard to resist or make himself seem aloof when he had never wanted anything more in his entire life.
Armin nodded and straddled Jean’s legs, reaching out to finally touch his cock, and Jean couldn’t hold back the strangled noise he made when his fingers wrapped around him. It felt better, so much better, than when he touched himself. The feeling wasn’t even comparable, not even close; Armin’s hand was the best thing he’d ever felt in his life, and he knew that it was going to feel even better when he was inside of him.
Oh, fuck.
Just the thought was enough to make him whine.
“Ar,” Jean groaned, clenching his jaw and his fists as Armin worked the lubricant all over his cock. Both of their faces were flushed, chests heaving, staring at each other like neither had ever seen someone more beautiful.
“I’m going to guide it in,” Armin whispered, his voice and hands shaking.
“Are - are you nervous?”
“A little bit…”
“Me too,” Jean admitted. He reached up with his left hand to touch Armin’s face. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to…”
“I do want to,” Armin nodded. “I’ve never wanted anything more.”
“Armin?”
“Yes?”
“Hold my hand.”
“Okay, Jean.”
Their fingers locked together again as Armin guided Jean into him, just the smallest amount at a time. Neither of them could close their eyes - all Jean could do was stare at Armin, at his perfect face as he wore an expression that seemed impossible to decipher, but Jean wanted to interpret as love. He swallowed, squeezing Armin’s hand, and gave him a small nod as if to tell him things were okay in the only way he knew how. That was all he could do.
“Jean…”
Armin whispered his name like it was a confession, and sank down a little more, his head falling forwards and a long whine escaping him. Jean could only hold him steady as he continued to slide in, each inch burning because of how hot it was inside. It made sense to him, then, as he looked at Armin’s face in pleasure, why people fought so hard to live - he would have done anything in the world for Armin, for the chance to cling on to a feeling this precious even if he could only experience it one more time.
When he was fully inside, Armin began to move up and down, and his other hand held onto Jean’s too, clinging on tight as pleasure rushed through the both of them.
“Perfect,” Jean gasped. “This is - you’re perfect.”
“Y-you too,” Armin shivered, slowly working up and down on him, settling into a rhythm. “Jean…”
“Keep saying my name like that,” he choked out.
“Jean!”
Jean’s hips bucked upwards when he heard Armin moan for him, and they both cried out with lust. Unable to stand it anymore, Jean half-sat up, pulling Armin in for a deep kiss, moaning into his mouth as they moved in a counter-rhythm so his cock pushed further inside. Their hands broke apart and went to explore each other, touching every part they could reach, making the most of what little time they had. Jean didn’t want to forget a single second of this; he wanted to remember it all. He had always wanted an easy life, but he realised his dreams were changing - all he saw in his future was Armin.
Sitting up fully so he could kiss him better, Jean positioned Armin in his lap, hands wandering all over his back. They were moaning and panting against each other’s lips more than they were actually kissing, but Jean loved it; each noise Armin made sent shivers down his spine.
Armin was his. Armin was right here, he was his, moaning his name. Jean could feel his hard cock pressed between their stomachs, and it only served as a reminder that he was the one that made him feel that way. Just like he had always wanted to.
Outside, the sun was starting to rise, but there were still hours before they had to wake, so neither of them paid the morning glow any mind, focusing solely on each other instead. Nothing else mattered. To Jean, it was just Armin. Maybe it always had been. And after this, he knew it always would be.
Armin pulled back slightly, obviously tired, and he got up, pulling off. Jean gasped as the much colder air hit him, but he was instantly distracted by the sight of Armin grabbing a pillow to support his middle as he lay face-down on the bed with his ass in the air.
“I couldn’t hold my legs up anymore,” he panted.
“Shall I keep going?”
“Do you - do you want me to beg for it? Please, Jean. I - I need you, now.”
“Fuck,” Jean gasped. “Okay.”
He got himself into position, staring at Armin for just a brief moment before he lined his cock up at his entrance and pushed inside. There was less resistance now that Armin was looser, and the slide was easy. They both moaned at the feeling of Jean filling Armin up at this angle, as it made it so much easier for Jean to reach deep inside, his cock reaching places that his fingers couldn’t. He experimented, trying to get to that place that had made Armin cry out with pleasure before, and when he heard that same noise he knew he found the right spot.
Armin was sobbing his name, and Jean leaned over him. He couldn’t reach his lips to kiss them, but he could speak into Armin’s ear, and he moaned long and slow as his hips moved in time.
“I… I love you,” Jean said, the words that fell from his lips surprising himself more than anyone because he hadn’t intended to say them. It had just come out, like it was the most natural thing in the world, like he’d been with Armin for years.
“Jean… I love you too!”
Jean pushed in all the way and stopped, closing his eyes to let the words sink in; Armin really loved him, as much as Jean did in return. As he started to move, he spoke again.
“I - I mean it. I love everything… everything about you. Your dreams, your smile, your eyes… the way you say my name… you’re so cute and hot at the same time and you drive me crazy. ”
“Me - me too!” Armin cried. “Jean, I’m - I’m close-”
Jean’s stomach flipped again when he heard those words; knowing Armin was close to the edge was so good, such a relief.
“Don’t hold back,” he moaned. “I’m - I’m getting there too.”
Reaching underneath him, Jean gripped Armin’s cock, working it in time with his slow thrusts, wanting to draw out his orgasm and make it the best he’d ever had. Armin was pushing back against him each time he moved forwards, and the slow drag of his cock getting faster was making pleasure build up from the base, heat spreading through his body white-hot, trust and desire and love and lust and need all mixed into one, about to burst.
“J-Jean!” Armin cried out; Jean felt him tense up completely for a second until he felt him climax, spilling out all over the sheets without a care for how they would have to deal with it later. He was so loud that the others might have heard from their rooms, but Jean couldn’t bring himself to care about that either, not when he was so close, not when he needed this.
But he slowed down as Armin went limp, not wanting him to start hating this now he had finished. He didn’t want to hurt him.
“Did - did you -” Armin gasped, delirious, his voice slurred and barely even like how he normally spoke.
“No,” Jean gasped. “But I’m so close.”
“Don’t stop,” Armin whined. “I want you to feel like this too… don’t pull out…”
Jean shivered and did exactly as Armin said, continuing to thrust into him, long and slow, still cautious not to hurt him despite how far gone he was from lust. It didn’t take long before he couldn’t hold it back any longer and he gave in, overwhelmed entirely, eyes rolling back as he experienced the longest climax of his life.
They collapsed onto the bed together once Jean pulled out, sweaty and exhausted and in love. They didn’t speak, just lay there as they tried to catch their breath. Jean slipped his hand into Armin’s, and he squeezed back weakly, managing to roll over so they could look into each other’s eyes again.
“I meant it,” Jean breathed once he came back to himself more. There was still a wonderful tingling sensation throughout his body, and warmth in his gut like after having a good meal or laughing with friends. It was a perfect, quiet happiness.
“That - that you love me?”
“Yeah.”
“I meant it too.”
They both smiled at each other, exhausted but so happy.
“I’m really glad we did that,” Jean murmured.
“Mm,” Armin breathed. “So am I.”
“Don’t fall asleep.”
“I won’t,” Armin yawned.
“We still need to clean up.”
“I know… but I want to kiss you more first.”
“Fine by me,” Jean smiled, closing the distance before Armin could. His lips were so soft, like they were made for him.
“I love you,” Armin said softly once they pulled apart.
“I love you too,” Jean murmured. “I’ve loved you for years… I always knew… but I didn’t know if it was possible, if we were possible.”
“We’re possible,” Armin said softly, reaching up to touch his face. “For as long as we have left.”
When they were able to stand again, they cleaned up and snuck back into Jean’s bedroom where the sheets were clean and they could lie together. The edges of the curtains glowed orange as the sun rose behind them. Jean watched the colours shift through half-closed eyes. Armin was curled up on his chest, already sleeping, and Jean ran his fingers through his hair in a soft rhythm as he lay there and felt the beauty of the moment.
“I really do love you,” Jean whispered, before he closed his eyes, falling asleep with his lover in his arms.