Chapter Text
“How about you confess to him?”
“Ah, hyung! You know I can’t! What if he’ll hate me?”
“No one could ever hate you, Jeongguk-ah. You’re very cute,” Taehyung coos softly. “The moment I met you, I wanted to keep you and hide you in my pocket. I’m not joking.”
“I'll stab anyone who’ll hate you,” Jimin, who’s standing by the kitchen sink, says while brandishing his toothbrush. “And if he’ll hate you? Fuck him. He doesn’t deserve you.”
Jeongguk would really like that to happen — the ‘fuck him’ thing. He sighs to himself, filled with horny misery. The woes of lust while harboring an unrequited love is not a laughing matter.
“Babe, tell him to confess his undying love to his self-proclaimed soulmate,” Taehyung chimes with a chuckle, making grabby hands towards Jimin.
Jimin walks to them while swallowing (gross) the toothpaste froth in his mouth. He plops down on Taehyung's lap while pointing the toothbrush toward Jeongguk’s way, bits of bubbles hitting his face. Jeongguk wipes the suds that landed on his chin with a frown.
“Confess so you can stop rutting against your pillow!” Jimin wheedles, “You’re loud when you orgasm,” then grimacing as if he just realized something disgusting. “Wait. Oh god. The fuck? I wash those pillow cases.”
He glares at Jimin. How dare he shame him for being expressive? He huffs. Okay, maybe he did have several fantasies about his alleged soulmate. Like, for example, fucking in a locker room. Or, maybe, freely ogling at the way alleged soulmate’s back muscles contract in each movement then admire the cute little lower back dimples on narrow waist. He sighs. He’s so touch-starved since the preliminaries for the Baseball Tournament began and his yellow spongebob pillow, sadly, is his only companion.
“How do you not feel grossed out doing that while spongebob’s face is looking straight at you?” Taehyung asks, wholly curious.
Jimin shudders. “Those big eyes, large holes and pointy nose looking at me while I’m horny? Instant boner killer.”
Jeongguk, more often than not, wonders why he puts up with them when he can just transfer. In fact, he can claim his free-lodging at the dormitories. Long lines for the shared floor bathrooms and probably a dozen smelly and sweaty guys is something he can endure more than the adherent teasing he gets from his roommates. Sharing spaces is a small feat for him and isn’t, by far, anything new. If only his sports scholarship in SNU also covered his apartment fees, he won’t be rooming for cheap with these chaos demons.
He gives them the stinky eye. “That’s really rich coming from someone with an angry birds fixation.”
“Don't insult my undies,” Taehyung pouts. “Jimin likes those.”
“Oh, yes, especially the red one?” Jimin croons, turning on Taehyung’s lap while wrapping one arm around his shoulders. “You’re hot. Makes me aware how much you want me.”
“Want to see what angry bird I'm wearing right now? ...Clue, it explodes,” Taehyung grins, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. His hands — with Jeongguk the unfortunate bystander to witness it — moves to grab Jimin’s ass.
“Oh my god,” Jeongguk bleats while palming his face, pushing the chair and himself away from the kitchen table before standing up. “I really don’t want to be in the same room with you two right now.”
He’s already halfway to the door grumbling about insensitive roommates who give no shit about single people’s emotions, all the while grabbing his shoes, wanting nothing else but to get out. The last time he chose to stay so he could talk about his undying love, it ended up with Jimin and Taehyung having sex on top of their kitchen table (they use that for eating, honestly, gross). He had to endure an entire week studying and sleeping at the University library during midterms because, apparently, Taehyung has a thing towards noisy sex. Their exploits lasted the entire exam season. Jeongguk suffered with little to no sleep.
“At least we’re getting laid! How about you? How long are you going to pine after him? You’re not living in a Taylor Swift teenage angst music video!” Taehyung calls after him in a mocking tone. “You don’t even have your first kiss yet, you virgin!”
This remark, if he could be honest, ticked something incredibly hot in him that it’s all he could see. He turned so sharp his vision swirled while exclaiming, “M’not a virgin! And I already had my first kiss with my soulmate!”
He instantly regretted saying that. He should have not said that.
Because the moment those words left his mouth, Taehyung and Jimin, in a swift breath, barreled towards him. It’s Taehyung who manhandles him by hooking his arms beneath Jeongguk’s, raising their locked limbs together. He yelps, incredulous, with Jimin looming before him, lips curled around a mischievous smirk. He watches in silent horror how the chaos demons shared a look of understanding.
Oh shit.
“Oh my, Jeon Jeongguk. You—” Jimin begins, grinning.
“—are going to spill everything right now,” Taehyung ends with a sing-song tone, dragging him back to the living room like a ragdoll.
Oh god.
“So, here’s the thing…” Jeongguk says, legs crossed, hugging a throw pillow tight. He gnaws on his bottom lip, gaze darting between Jimin and Taehyung, both looking over eager to hear his story. They’re sitting on the wooden floor of their apartment, chips laid out in the middle and a soft lo-fi music humming from a bluetooth speaker. “Promise you won’t laugh?”
Jimin nods, imitating a scout’s honor. “I promise.”
“I swear on Jiminie’s favorite strawberry lube,” Taehyung says grimly.
Unable to escape the interrogation, he sighs, closing his eyes and remembering the very first encounter he ever had with the love of his life™.
“It was during freshman orientations…”
Jeongguk’s first kiss with the love of his life™ happened this way.
It had been a sunny day with no hints of clouds in the skies. It was also the first day he ever set foot in Seoul. Leaving his hometown for a college varsity scholarship at Seoul National University was something he never expected to achieve. His coach had told him SNU has a history of heated games with Yonsei and Korea University that they needed to recruit more talent. His family was hyped, not because of the cost cutting on funds, but because he’s finally able to leave their little town, flap his wings and spread the Jeon seeds to the city. Whatever that meant.
Most of his varsity life had him looking at sweaty guys every time a game was set and matched. Every relationship he had only lasted for a span of two to three months, before schedules for school became tight and unbearable. He, not once, had kissed any of those he had a so-called relationship with. Touches were always either hand holding or a kiss on the cheek, some were brief hook-ups, and it’s mainly because balancing studying and club activities, admittedly, made it difficult for him to maintain romantic relations.
By then, he only shared a romantic relationship with nothing else but his porn and hand.
Not only Seoul is beautiful in itself as a metropolitan melting pot (if the pollution could be ignored), but also its people. Everywhere his eyes landed, there’s only fashion icons and well-dressed citizens. It was colorful. Tall buildings, moving billboards, busy streets, large shopping districts, Lotte World. Everything was the definition of big city dreams. When he arrived at Seoul National University grounds after a long train ride, the campus is also ten times the palatial wonder of what a mere tri-fold glossy finish brochure could ever advertise.
He had a multiple count of first times since then.
The first time Jeongguk ever laid eyes on his alleged soulmate and love of his life™ was during the first day of freshman orientations at SNU.
Being a new blood in the Department of Nursing had him feeling queasy. He truly, utterly, hated first days. The realization of being in an entirely new place — all alone and without any friends — had his stomach churning the whole time he was browsing the freshman club booths on his way to the auditorium.
Seoul had held so many firsts. This was one of them. And, most likely, the ‘first time’ that would cement his life as a shoujo manga protagonist.
Jeongguk would have never known what it was like to have birds singing him a love song, not until this first time happened. He would have never known how it felt like to have time slow down to an agonizing stop, would never experience cherry blossoms falling akin to the scenes of the shoujo anime he watched out of curiosity during middle school, if not for this first time.
He would have never known what intense attraction was like, or to have his breath metaphorically knocked out, until the very moment he received a flyer that was handed out to promote the Baseball Club.
“Holy shit,” Taehyung laughs, loud and obnoxious. “You’re so whipped!”
Jeongguk glares at him. “Do you want to hear it or not?”
Jimin slaps Taehyung’s knee, bringing his fingers to the other’s lips while whispering ‘Shh babe.’ Taehyung bites the finger, Jimin giggles and Jeongguk wishes to dissolve on the spot because really, flirting in front of a single person? Rude.
“Can you two go on without flirting with each other every single time?” Jeongguk says, downright begging. “I’m telling you how I met the future dad to my kids!”
“Okay, okay! Go on, continue!” Taehyung chuckles.
“Alright, so…”
Like a fish out of water, he gaped, unable to comprehend the moment their fingertips brushed. The bright smile that got thrown his way, the (“Hey there. Freshman, right? Check out the Baseball Club!”) said to him, the wink that followed, everything, all had him feeling electrocution, skin simultaneously prickling with heat and cold sweat.
The raw dilemma of this moment uprooted him on the spot. Not only did he experience first day jitters, but he got a real time epiphany. He began reevaluating the years he spent on earth. It got him questioning why, for the most part. And then how and, finally, a big fat what the fuck.
Suddenly, flashbacks of him in a locker room full of sweaty, muscular half-naked guys, chose to barrage him. Like a broken tape record. He was having a crisis and internal breakdown in the middle of a busy crowd. Those muscles and built bodies were lackluster, in comparison to what the person who handed him a flyer packed.
Even though he only got a glimpse, he had functioning eyes to see that the suspected love of his life™ is a tall, young man, with biceps and muscles that tightened the places where it’s most definitely needed. The love of his life had (god forbid) light brown choppy bangs, insanely asymmetrical facial proportions (Jeongguk wanted to test it with a ruler), and the plumpest lips he had ever seen on a guy. The love of his life wore a gray tank top (lord, have mercy) jersey for SNU’s Baseball Team paired with black sweats that had SNU’s university logo stitched on the side in white print. He’d kill for how toned those arms were, if he could be honest.
[SNU EAGLES, KIM] — this was what the print stated on the jersey he saw.
Jeongguk unfolded the flyer faster than he could breathe, browsed through the fine print to find Kim’s full name, sincerely hoping it’s listed somewhere. It’s not in the first paragraph, not in the middle, not the end. Maybe at the back. Eyes still glued on the paper, he kept on searching, then felt utter triumph when he saw the list of club members at the back part, corner left.
[SNU EAGLES]
Team Captain: Min Yoongi, College of Fine Arts.
Vice Captain: Kim Seokjin, College of Nursing.
Club Manager: Kim Namjoon, College of Architecture.
‘Kim’ must be the Club Manager if he’s the one handing out the flyers. There’s a tiny tinge of disappointment when he saw that they weren’t from the same department. Though, a flare of hope flicked inside him, a reason he could exploit to converse with ‘Kim’. Since he’s on a sports scholarship, it’s inevitable for him to join the Baseball Club. Jeongguk figured out it’s a good time as any to introduce himself to the Club Manager this early on for a smooth future relationship.
Walking to the Baseball Club booth, wholly curious about Kim Namjoon’s existence, he approached him who was busily handing out flyers. He felt miffed when students ignored Kim Namjoon, wanting nothing else but to help him and berate those who chose to disregard his efforts. With these intentions in mind, Jeongguk approached the guy quietly, toeing the pavement and uttering a small greeting of, “Uh — Kim Namjoon-ssi?”
The guy yelped in surprise, turned around sharply with wild eyes, and, to add on the irony of it all, landed a jab straight on Jeongguk’s chin. Jeongguk stumbled back with a loud cry of pain, hand on his chin with the most indignant look on his face.
“Oh my god — he punched you!” Taehyung’s rolling on the floor at this point, holding his stomach while laughing out loud. Jeongguk huffs at his roommate’s antics, glancing at Jimin for help only to find him in the same state.
“So what?” Jeongguk grumbles. “It’s not like it hurts or anything!”
“Sorry, but,” Jimin struggles not to stop his chuckles, lips quivering in a gratuitous attempt. “How did you even—?”
“Kiss him?” Jeongguk finishes the sentence for Jimin.
“At this point, I think you’re cursed or something,” Taehyung comments while splaying himself flat and wide on the ground. Then, he rolls to his side to face Jeongguk, elbow propped on the floor, fist against cheek and arm slung over his stomach. He starts giggling again. Jeongguk wants to punch Taehyung just once to see how it feels.
“Oh, sweetheart,” Jimin says, trying to be sympathetic but the cause is lost when he begins chortling with Taehyung. “Jeongguk, listen, we’re not judging you. It’s just…if your first meeting with the ‘alleged dad to your future kids’ was him punching you, how did the kiss even occur?”
Taehyung lifts a brow with a teasing smirk. “Did he kiss the booboo away?”
Jeongguk buries his face against the pillow he’s hugging and mumbling a small, “I hate you guys.”
“Awe, the baby is upset,” Jimin coos, reaching out to ruffle Jeongguk’s hair. “Come on, we promise we’ll stop laughing. Okay, Tae?”
Taehyung’s still making fun of Jeongguk, but only up until a small shuffle of limbs echoed followed by a grunt and a small ‘Ouch, Jimin-ah!’
“Fine…” Jeongguk says, looking up to see Taehyung rubbing his leg.
Jimin’s looking at Jeongguk with a nod of encouragement. He's nudging Taehyung next, “Go on, we’re listening! Taehyung won't laugh. Right, babe?”
“…I promise I won’t laugh,” Taehyung grumbles, still rubbing his leg. Jimin must have kicked him.
Serves him right, Jeongguk muses, sticking his tongue out at Taehyung.
“Brat, see if you’ll ever get laid,” Taehyung comments, then, he’s getting his ear pinched next. He’s whining out, “Ow! Ow! Okay, I’ll be quiet!”
Jimin smiles warmly towards Jeongguk, urging him. “Back to the story!”
“Thanks hyung,” he beams, “So, uh, after that,” with a soft smile, he trails off with the memory resuming again.
“Oh fuck,” ‘Kim Namjoon’ cursed, immediately on Jeongguk’s space. He tucked the bundle of flyers between his arm and side, the tricep muscles bulging from the action. His forehead is creased with worry, hands hovered the air, not knowing where to touch. “I’m sorry, shit, are you alright?”
Jeongguk’s too stunned to even say anything. A part of him, the short-fused one, wanted to scream at the beautiful specimen in front of him for the punch he received out of nowhere. But the starstruck, woefully enthralled part, wanted to just stare. Unfortunately, his brain and muscle coordination was poor that time, and chose the latter.
So, he stared dumbly, hand on his chin, mouth slightly agape. ‘Kim Namjoon’ had the most beautiful pair of eyes, doe-like almonds, shining like obisidian cuts.
Jeongguk blinked, wondering why he suddenly became very poetic?
“What’s wrong here?” Another voice joined them, a gruff and low one. “Hyung?”
It’s a guy with cat-like eyes and raven hair. He’s wearing the same tank top jersey over black tee and black jeans. Kim Namjoon turned, stepping back a good amount away, arms limp on his sides. “I accidentally punched him—”
“Not again,” the cat-like guy groaned, palming his face. He asked with an exasperated lilt, “How many freshmen have you accidentally hit for today?”
“Hey! He’s only the fourth one—”
“The fourth?!” The cat-like guy echoed, shocked.
“Um,” Jeongguk interjected, removing his hand on his chin. The two guys whipped their eyes on him in an instant. He winced a little, then said, “I just wanted to inquire—” he tentatively pointed beautiful Kim, “—about the Baseball Club. You’re Kim Namjoon, right? I, uh, your jersey and the club manager name—”
Kim Namjoon stared at him, then turned his head toward the cat-like guy, then back again at him. He looked confused for a moment. “Kim Namjoon?”
“Yeah, are you not, um,” Jeongguk struggled with his coherency. The way Kim Namjoon’s lips puckered in thought was too damn distracting. “Kim Namjoon? Club manager on the flyer? The name on your jersey says Kim—”
It’s cat-like guy who barked out a laugh. “Oh, no, kid, he’s not Namjoon.”
“I — what?” Jeongguk lagged.
Kim Namjoon shook his head, amused. “Kim Seokjin,” he stretched out a hand for a shake. “Vice captain. Nice to meet you, er…”
He expected it, really. Taehyung’s round of laughter. He, too, would be laughing at himself, because not only did he get punched in the face, he also mistakenly referred to the love of his life™ as someone else.
“I’m not even going to stop you from making fun of me,” Jeongguk says, amused at the recollection.
It’s Jimin who consoles him. “It’s not your fault. Half of Korea is made up of Kims,” he says, giving a stinky eye to a laughing Taehyung. “We even have one here.”
“Wow, okay rude?” Taehyung scoffs, recovering from his bout. “Not my fault the Kims are special.”
“Excuse me?” Jimin says, affronted. “In terms of popularity, the Parks reigns superior.”
“Sure, but, name one famous Park?” Taehyung snorts. “Korean National Heritage Park?”
Jimin stands with a huff, ready to hit Taehyung, and Jeongguk knows that if the two end up squabbling and manhandling each other, it’s going to be straight up dry humping in front of him. Again. Really, he’s been the unfortunate person who got caught in a crossfire far too many times.
“Stop! Stop!” He scolds, rising to his knees and hitting both Jimin and Taehyung by the arm with the throw pillow. “Hyungs! I’m not done yet! I swear if you don’t let me finish and I get to finally suck his dick, you won’t be invited to the wedding!”
Taehyung chuckles while catching Jeongguk’s assaults. “You’re certainly hopeful for someone who’s aversed in confessing just half an hour ago.”
“Don’t burst his delirious bubble,” Jimin says. “At least if he gets to suck Seokjin-hyung’s dick, his dry humping sessions with his pillow might stop.”
“We’ve been offering you to join us but you never say yes,” Taehyung pouts.
“My skills in bed are reserved,” Jeongguk scoffs, doing a slight thrusting motion with his hips.
Jimin snorts. “He walks around with an imaginary ‘Seokjin-hyung’ attached on both his forehead and dick. You’re not going to convince him to drop that label he’s held like a tramp stamp.”
“You say that and yet he hasn’t made a move,” Taehyung points out. “You met Seokjin-hyung during freshman orientation. You’re a sophomore now.”
“I know that! Do you think I haven’t considered things?” An eye roll. “Anyway, will you shut up first and let me finish?”
“Fine,” the chaos demons grumble together, giggling at the unexpected unison and then, “go on.”
Jeongguk stared at the offered hand, like it’s some sort of an alienated existence. Realizing it’s rude to keep someone waiting, he immediately clasped the hand, clumsy yet tight. He, right on the spot, almost melted like ice cream during summer from both embarrassment because he got the name wrong and wonderstruck because the hand he clasped was soft and woah, what sporty guy has soft hands?
“Jeongguk,” he cleared his throat, cheeks flaming in discomfiture. “Jeon Jeongguk. I’m very sorry, Kim Seokjin-ssi! I thought you were—”
“Nice to meet you, Jeongguk,” Seokjin said in kind, his voice a taste of fresh air, friendly. “No problem. The club manager is in student council duties right now, but I’m flattered you think I’m responsible enough to be one.”
He’s so nice, too. Oh man, gorgeous and nice. A very deadly combination. Jeongguk’s heart galloped as if there were horses that got out of the stable and decided to stomp heavily on his chest.
“Uh...you’re welcome?” Jeongguk blinked, feeling a tad dismayed when Seokjin had let go of him. “So...I wanted to ask about the club—”
“You need to be very athletic to join,” the cat-like guy interjected, eyeing him up and down as though assessing a lab rat. “You’re not bad. A varsity?”
“Yeah,” he answered, addled. “Is this—”
“Oh. No,” the cat-like guy waved his hand in dismissal. “Just wondering. Tryouts aren’t open yet. You can sign up for a slot today.”
Seokjin smiled kindly at him. In fact, he stepped aside so the three of them could converse face to face. He gestured to the cat-like guy and introduced him. “This is the captain, Min Yoongi.”
“Oh! Nice to meet you, Min Yoongi-ssi,” Jeongguk scrambled to grasp Yoongi’s hands. When Yoongi only stared, he immediately backtracked, cheeks burning in shame. “Sorry.”
It’s Seokjin who defused the awkward atmosphere. “Don’t take it personally. He’s shy with human contact,” he turned to Yoongi with a fond smile. “Aren’t you, Yoongichi?”
“We’re in public,” Min Yoongi groaned, annoyed.
Then again, as Seokjin let out a chuckle, a loving smile bloomed on Min Yoongi’s face.
Jeongguk, unable to follow the conversation, waited. Watched in curiosity, Min Yoongi giving a tender look at Seokjin. They must be close, he thought to himself.
“Alright, Jeongguk-ssi,” Seokjin shifted his gaze back to Jeongguk, pointing at the glossy print on his hand. “If you want to join, details on the Baseball Club are on the flyer. Orientation starts next Monday and the club manager’s phone number is also attached there.”
“See you around if you won’t join. See you again if you will,” Min Yoongi said with a nod, turning on his heels to leave.
Seokjin nodded at him with a warm smile. “I’m sorry again for earlier. I hope to see you this monday?”
Jeongguk could only nod mutely, hand tight on the brochure, dazed. Seokjin’s saluting at him with a wink before he turned around to leave, following Min Yoongi.
There weren’t any cherry blossom trees in SNU, but when Seokjin walked, there’s a flutter of those pink petals that followed him around. It basked him under a glimmering pink haze that could rival any romantic movie Adam Sandler had starred in. Jeongguk was totally oblivious to the way Yoongi wrapped his arms around Seokjin’s frame, how he planted a kiss on Seokjin’s shoulder blades, because he remembered himself looking at nothing else but the brochure as he turned to make his way towards the other direction, the way to the auditorium.
It was at this moment, where, in the future to come, it caused him to miss all the aforementioned signs he was ignorant to pick up regarding the captain and vice captain of the Baseball Team. He ignored all of those, too caught up in his head, because another fact surfaced and slammed his brakes to a full halt without warning.
On the flyer details, he realized that he’s in the same department as Kim Seokjin. Seokjin’s also a Nursing undergraduate. Holy shit. Jeongguk, elated at the detail, buried his attention on the glossy paper, scanning the entire thing hungrily. He needed more details — anything at all — to get to know Kim Seokjin a lot better.
It came out as a pleasant surprise for him that they were under the same department. A tidbit that, if he didn’t so decide to indulge while walking, wouldn’t be the first cause of a string of unfortunate events to his already non-existent love life.
See, the root problem came from when he didn’t look at where he was going. His mother would be so disappointed in him. Under the assumption that the path would take him straight to the auditorium without obstacles, he resumed walking. His eyes were still glued on the flyer, glued to the information, glued to the little commentary written under Kim Seokjin’s name.
Kim Seokjin, Third Year, College of Nursing;
Twopeat National Triathlon Champion.
POSCO Sports Center Event, National Level, Swimmer’s Category: 25m Freestyle Relay, Individual Medley Champion.
Threepeat National Baseball Championships MVP.
Holy shit, he thought to himself while walking, this guy is a monster. Anyone who excelled in triathlons were menaces in the field of any sports that required intense stamina, endurance, intelligence, and a balance of power. Jeongguk wasn’t ignorant of that knowledge. Triathlons held the hardest training regimes, if not for its initial requirement to have the strongest mental prowess. If Seokjin’s the reigning twopeat champion, then he’s obviously at a whole nother level.
He remembered feeling giddy at the information. He remembered feeling awed. This was a first, too. In fact, he felt so giddy and awed at the knowledge that, not only did he encounter someone so high up it made him want to catch up, but also at the fact that there was a sports monster that freely loitered around. Someone he never met before — a good challenge. He was so used to being the sole MVP for his highschool league, so used to his teammates relying on him to carry the match all the time during interschool gameplays and championships. This was a first — meeting someone capable.
He was so ecstatic while reading the flyer that so many things happened all at once.
First, he tripped over some cemented elevated ground.
Next, there’s a fountain he didn’t notice in the middle of the pathway.
Then, he tripped and fell face first on the fountain, head dipped deep into the dirty water and caught incredibly off-guard he didn’t know where to grab to pull himself up. Panic ate his locomotive reactions that he forgot to breathe and almost drowned on the spot.
He could have died that day. He could have, amongst a list of other things, kissed goodbye to his scholarship, to his parents, to his manga collection, to his overwatch account, and would forever bear the shame of the most embarrassing cause of death written in history right after the man who died by eating a wholeass shoe.
He could have died.
But he was saved.
The next thing he knew, he got fished out of the fountain with a pair of strong arms around his waist, his eyes burning as he struggled to open them. He remembered his back meeting hard ground, barely registering he’s wet from head to torso. There’s only blurry images of blobs that surrounded him, vision having a hard time adjusting from the glaring sunlight and against the shadow of someone that hovered on top. His hearing was muffled, murmurs drowned out as he groaned helplessly, with lungs that screamed to breathe.
First, he felt the soft touch of lips. Next, his chin that stung from getting punched got gently tipped upward. Air was conducted straight to his mouth on heaping intervals, before his lungs inflated with air, causing him to cough out a dry heave. He winced at the pain and relief that flooded through his airways.
Jeongguk thought he was going to die. He’s coughing so hard. Maybe he was already dead. Because the first thing he saw when his eyes cleared out enough haze was someone who shined. He might have also seen a halo there somewhere. He remembered thinking it was an angel. Gingerly lifting a hand, he touched the face of the suspected holiness and smiled weakly because it felt so soft against the pad of his fingertips.
With a hoarse voice, he asked, “Are you an angel?”
The suspected angel laughed.
“Wait — am I in heaven?” Jeongguk croaked dazedly, liking the melodious laughter.
Then, the suspected angel had laughed so hard it’s mixed with bouts of snorts and wheezing; the sound akin to a squeaky glass wiping. He remembered his hand being engulfed with warmth, before it got pried away.
“Silly. No, I’m not. You’re still in university hell, sadly,” his savior said, amused.
Jeongguk felt the world crumble beneath him right after. His senses sharpened as it got jostled out of a near death-induced haze. How could it not? He recognized that voice. How could he forget it when he just heard it minutes ago? He just heard it while he received the flyer for the baseball team, heard it when they talked, heard it enough times to perfectly associate it with the sole owner.
He knew that voice.
It’s Kim Seokjin. What accompanied the discernment was the clear image of the most beautiful face he’d ever seen in his entire life. He would have swooned, if not for the fact that he got caught in an embarrassing feat. Suddenly, Kim Seokjin’s face loomed in a sense of dread, comfort absent. Horror struck him like some grisly piano encore during those 80s slasher movies whenever the protagonist got chased in the woods during climax scenes.
There was a reason why Jeongguk really hated the first days of anything. His brother used to laugh at him for his nonexistent fears, asked him multiple times to name one solid reason why he hated it. He couldn’t name anything before, but now, this, he finally had a valid reason why.
Coughing out the minimal amount of dirty water that caused his brief trip to the netherworld, he blinked back tears that circled his eyes, throat burning from the sensation. He tried to sit up, and Seokjin was quick to help him up. He was about to say something when there’s another voice that came closer, until a figure invaded their space, crouching right next to them.
“Is the kid alright?” Jeongguk also recognized the voice. It’s the team captain, Min Yoongi.
“He’s fine,” Seokjin said. “Nothing major, Yoongichi.”
Then, something unexpected happened next. Yoongi leaned and kissed Seokjin by the cheek, ruffling his hair in the process. “You did good, hyung. You really looked like a nurse back there.”
Seokjin chuckled. “Stop, we’re in public.”
Jeongguk could only stare, flabbergasted, unable to process if he’s only dreaming or not. Are they…?
Like a bad transition of scenes that used fade to black instead of just fade, Yoongi kissed Seokjin again, this time on the lips, in front of him, giving appropriate affirmation to all of his questions. Jeongguk often wondered why love and pain came hand in hand. Right at that moment, his eyes opened to the reasons, the whys.
Bleary, dizzy and still in shock because of the feat he just witnessed, he could only blankly stare at the couple before him. His heart tightened in his chest, cold hands crushing his lungs with every intake of breath. Life, as he knew it, drained out of him. The way his soul left his body when he blacked out the second time felt like a vacuum that sucked him to a never ending darkness.
Seoul held many firsts for Jeongguk, and as he saw it, wouldn’t be the last time to do so.
It would have been a great college experience. He could have silently studied, practiced, entered championships, graduated. Except that, he could no longer do those. Now that he’s cemented on SNU’s history as the hot topic The Blue Knight Times University Newspaper covered with the headline: The Kid Who Almost Drowned on a Fountain™ (also the one who called his ‘savior’ an angel during a delirious moment) he could no longer lead a peaceful college life.
This, admittedly, would forever be etched in his memory as his first college heartbreak, and the most unforgettable moment he had to this day with Kim Seokjin.
Anyone sane enough would avoid the source of pain. But like a moth to flame, he came back. He came closer, he ventured close to the blaze that Seokjin offered. The masochistic side of his came back for more. He signed with the Baseball Team and, to top that, became close friends with both Yoongi and Seokjin out of freewill.
Yeah, he was dumb for that.
“Oh my fucking god,” Jimin says, words grated out. “Holy shit.”
Taehyung stares at him, dumbfounded. “Okay…holy shit, that’s right. Now I know why you don’t want to confess.”
Jimin spares Taehyung a tentative glance. “Uh, at least they kissed…?”
“CPR isn’t considered a kiss,” Taehyung snorts, then upon realizing it’s rude, hides it with a cough.
There’s only a defeated sigh on Jeongguk’s end. “Rub more salt to the wound, will you?” He grumbles. “Honestly, after that embarrassing feat and when I joined the Baseball Team, you already know what happened next…”
Jimin’s hand squeezed his knee, gaze sympathetic. “Jeongguk-ah, you didn’t know they were already dating to begin with. It’s not your fault you fell in love. But now, they’ve broken up for ages. Maybe it’s time you make a move rather than regret doing nothing for the rest of your life?”
“Yoongi-hyung and Seokjin-hyung broke up for nearly a year already,” Taehyung straightens, sitting, then crossing his legs. “I know you’re close friends with both of them but I’m sure it won’t be bad for you to actually go after Seokjin-hyung this time.”
“Yoongi-hyung isn't your captain anymore,” Jimin says. “It’s Seokjin-hyung now.”
“Have you guys seen how he treats me?” Jeongguk whines. “Like I’m some baby he needs to look after! After every single game, he’s on my case like I’m some kid that has no clue how to take care of himself!”
They fall silent, Jeongguk stewing on his thoughts. Jimin and Taehyung stare at each other in contemplative silence. It’s Taehyung who breaks their reverie.
“I have a plan,” Taehyung says, careful. He glances at Jimin first, then to Jeongguk. “But it will involve your utmost cooperation and…no complaints.”
Jeongguk furrows his brows, nervous. “What are you thinking of?”
“We need to get rid of your dongsaeng image inside Seokjin-hyung’s head,” Taehyung adds. “Then, you can make your move on him.”
Jimin hums. “How should he do that?”
“I have just the thing.”
tip no. 1, conquer the dongsaeng zone
ATTEMPT 1 | University Library Hall
He knew Seokjin would be trouble-in-person form when he walked in on Jeongguk’s life on that fateful day. Shame on him, really. And now, said trouble is the reason why he can’t concentrate on studying. He has been highlighting neon yellows and oranges on passages in his textbooks for blank minutes already, barely understanding anything. He keeps thinking about Taehyung’s words — how he should make a move already.
According to the guidebook that Jeongguk received from Taehyung, there are three major ways to win a crush’s attention. Tip no. 1, as what the book stated, is to get over the friend zone or in his case, the area of responsibility in Seokjin’s radar known as ‘the dongsaeng zone’.
Since Yoongi withdrew a year ago as the captain so he can focus more on studies and, since Seokjin took over the role with Jeongguk as the vice captain, it’s been harder to be alone around the source of his bleeding love. Lately, after gameplays, the two of them need to stay behind to review the game plan and contribute their shares of strategies. Most of the time, he’s alone with Seokjin. It’s not helping his heart.
A year and some months of pining, being the third wheel whenever Yoongi and Seokjin would go on dates, made him think he really had no chance and his love will remain unrequited. At some point, he thought he’ll get over it like everyone else who had these stupid crushes. He daydreamed about getting a boyfriend, letting said boyfriend meet Seokjin and then, he’d proudly boast to himself, ‘Ha, I got over him!’
Of course, it never happened. He’s still stuck in a twilight zone called longing.
Reading the guidebook while lounging inside the University library with books about Pharmacology, Pathology and Genetics spread out on the table, has him thinking that maybe he’s wasting his time. He hasn’t even changed out of his scrubs. He should be studying hard instead, because he’s a sophomore in Nursing who’d absolutely take the nightingale pledge (if he passes his lectures). And also his upcoming clinical rotations in Seoul National Hospital. It’s now approaching autumn and, as he sees it, he should concentrate more on his studies and the upcoming match versus Korea University.
So, he’s not sure why he even listened to Taehyung in the first place. He’s not sure why he can’t stop scanning the book. Flipping the pages and reading the passages on the guide has got him laughing out loud on how absurd some of the tips sounded.
Tip number one. If you want to get over the friend zone, stop looking like a friend to them. If you’ve been stuck over the zone for years, the easiest way to get over that status is to change the way you act. Shed off the platonic approach, be more flirty.
Be more flirty, right. ‘How’, exactly, would be the question. Jeongguk grabs his phone placed beside his textbooks, opens Naver and searches ‘how to flirt…’ Several results came in, the web tab offering at least 1-10,000 articles regarding what he’s looking for. He clicked the first one, only to stare disbelievingly at the words that welcomed him inside the page.
Winking is a good place to start! Add spice to conversations by winking at your potential partner!
Who the fuck does this? How can he even try it to see if it works? Will Seokjin even fall prey to this kind of technique? Is he really finally making a move to the only person he’d ever want his future kids to call as their dad™ in years to come?
Is this even right? Will Seokjin even consider him?
Speak of the devil and he shows. Seokjin suddenly bangs his thick medical books in front of Jeongguk, who, because of the sudden noise, almost toppled over the chair he’s sitting on. Clutching the edge of the table tightly while regaining his balance, he throws Seokjin a fleeting glare. It withers, because he can’t stay mad at the other even if he tries.
“Was that necessary?” He snaps, feeling on edge, and not because of anger but because holy shit, Seokjin is in front of him.
“Oops,” Seokjin grins, lips upturned and so plump it’s downright illegal. “Can’t have my star player losing his mental alertness by decaying his mind over textbook materials.”
He takes the empty seat in front of Jeongguk, looking all handsome with his slicked back brown hair and navy blue scrubs. He has a golden nameplate pinned over his left pec that states Kim Seokjin, Nursing, Seoul National University in black engraving. He’s removing the backpack which loosely hangs over his broad shoulders that Jeongguk always envied. And god, those biceps — Seokjin can choke him with those and he’ll thank him for the once in a lifetime experience.
“—guk. Jeongguk!” Jeongguk gets jostled out of his Seokjin-induced high when said reason waves his hands in front of him. His eyes meet Seokjin’s concerned gaze. “Are you okay?”
Shit. He knows that look. It’s Seokjin’s ‘hyung is worried about you’ look he often receives whenever he plays too hard and collapses in the locker room.
“I — I am,” he gulps, straightening on his seat, trying to change the subject. “Anyway, why are you here, hyung? I thought the hospital won’t let out the seniors yet until next week?”
How did Seokjin even find him anyway?
“Jimin told me I’ll find you here,” Seokjin shrugs, pulling out his own set of highlighters from his bag and a thick book intended for nursing practicums. “They let us out earlier. The hospital’s overstaffed.”
Oh. Okay. It’s Jimin’s fault if he’s going to die from erratic heartbeats caused by Kim Seokjin’s presence. Jeongguk takes a mental note to haunt Jimin until the end of time if he dies right there.
Caught in a daze, he stares at Seokjin's knobbly yet beautiful fingers that’s wrapped around the length of the highlighter. Jeongguk feels his throat dry out from numerous mental images that barraged him then and there. He wonders how, for the sake of his fantasies, would his fingers feel intertwined with Seokjin’s as they take a walk around the quad? Or, hold hands while watching a movie? Or, plainly holding it because he’s permitted anytime he wants?
Yoongi wasted such privilege, honestly.
“Jeongguk,” Seokjin’s deep voice breaks him out of his stupor. “Are you sure you’re fine? You’ve been spacing out.”
Panicking — also not knowing why the winking suggestion from a blog post even crossed his mind — his brain fails to process anything else aside from the winking advice he had read. Thinking of Seokjin being incredibly ravishing, of Seokjin’s concerned stares, of Seokjin’s care, amped up his confidence regarding trying a shot of chance. Be more flirty.
Inhaling deeply, he faces Seokjin straight on, grinning widely. “Of course I am, hyung,” he says, trying to sound flirty. “Sheesh, don’t get too worried about me every time. I can take care of myself just fine.”
He winks after that.
At least, that’s what he thought he did.
“Is there something wrong with your eye?” Seokjin asks, obviously confused. “Why is it twitching?”
His first try completely flew right over Seokjin’s head.
Attempt number 1: fail.
ATTEMPT 2 | Baseball Team Get Together Party
Namjoon, their club manager, approached Jeongguk after an extensive training drill Seokjin designed for the entire team. He’s still catching his breath while pouring water all over his heated face, wanting his skin to cool down from too much exertion.
“There’s a party tonight,” Namjoon tells him, patting his shoulder briefly. “COKA at Myeongnyun, 8pm.”
Jeongguk straightens, wiping the droplets on the side of his face with his shirt, leveling Namjoon with a keen stare.
“Will everyone be there?” He asks, slightly tilting his head to the side with a hand on his hip.
Namjoon regards him carefully, almost calculating. “You’re the vice captain, of course you’re obligated to join. And Seokjin-hyung can’t skip even if he tries.”
“Sounds good!” His heart soars at that. Grinning, he nods. “Alright, I'm in. I’ll be there right after I submit my clinical requirements.”
After exchanging more details about the place, they agree to meet 8pm sharp. After that, Jeongguk pushes the door to the locker room area to grab his things, greeting teammates who filter out in groups. They’re all filled with excited buzzes regarding the team coin karaoke night.
These days, the team is on edge, because the upcoming match with Korea University is going to be the first game with Seokjin on the helm, instead of Yoongi. And, as the reigning threepeat MVP, the pressure on him is high. In the locker room, since the announcement, Jeongguk frequently catches Seokjin glaring at nothing, burning holes on the ground. It’s the same pose he has every after training. Hunched, rigid shoulders, elbows on knees, fingers twined with chin resting on them. Seokjin’s gaze is sharp and deep, the same expression he has whenever he’s reviewing gameplays.
“Hyung?” He calls, casual in his approach. Frankly, their teammates are scared whenever Seokjin is acting this way. But Jeongguk knows him and he’s unfazed. Although, when no response came, he shuts the door and makes his way further inside, concerned. He calls again, “Seokjin-hyung?”
Seokjin jolts in surprise. He blinks, eyes dazed before clearing over, snapping his head towards Jeongguk as if he just noticed his presence. He sighs heavily. “Hey, what’s up?”
He takes a seat on the bench right next to Seokjin, a good few inches away. “You alright?”
“Yeah...” Seokjin answers, breathless. “I was — I mean...Yoongi’s the one who’s good at this whole captain thing, you know? He’s the one who loves to play hard and actually wins.”
Jeongguk frowns. “What are you talking about? Yoongi-hyung might have had the best strategies but you’re the one giving us a homerun.”
The first subtip floats to the forefront of his mind. It’s simple. It only stated nothing else but to listen. Listen to what they say, a listening ear is much better than a rambling mouth. Good thing Jeongguk is good at that, listening. He listens well to everything that Seokjin says, and he always tries his best to be obedient. He inches closer, fingers dancing a good few centimeters away from where Seokjin’s legs are.
“Thanks,” Seokjin says appreciatively. “I guess these are nerves? There’s the exams coming up, and the rotation at the hospital are more loaded than ever.”
Biting his lip, Jeongguk says again, shyly, “You’re awesome, hyung. Everything you do is great.”
“...you really meant it when you proclaimed yourself to be our personal cheerleader, huh?” Seokjin jests, chuckling a little.
Here, Seokjin shifts on his position, lifting his hand to ruffle Jeongguk’s wet hair. He grimaces at the feel, causing Jeongguk’s cheeks to burn bright. But then, Seokjin teasingly curling his fingers on some tufts, playfully tugging. It’s a very innocent gesture, yet Jeongguk’s heartbeat hikes up without warning. Unsure why he’s having such a reaction, confused why he likes the slight tinge of pain.
“H-Hyung—”
And then, Seokjin tugs again.
A garbled squeak fights it way out of Jeongguk’s throat, his body voluntarily leaning in to the touch.
Seokjin stops, his expression morphing curiosity.
He giggles nervously, swatting Seokjin’s hand away. Diverting his focus instead, on Seokjin’s handsome, gentle smile. The smile that he adores with all of his heart. He really, truly, desperately likes Seokjin. Likes him so much it’s all his pathetic college life has ever known. Seokjin’s smiles, laughter, mellifluous voice. It’s everything he desired and more.
“You’re more pliant with Yoongi around,” Seokjin comments, innocently.
It’s innocent, yet he can’t help but take it differently. Those words carry an excruciating squeeze that starts in his heart, spreading to his chest. For this is a truth that can’t be erased. Yoongi will always be associated with Seokjin, no matter what. They were together for so long. And him? He will always be the kid that hangs around them. The hopeful kid who had been in love with Kim Seokjin since he tripped and nearly drowned in a fountain. Every memory he has of Seokjin is associated with Yoongi and, even if he doesn’t say it out loud, he values Yoongi just the same.
Jeongguk feels a tad embittered. He recalls once proclaiming he is going to be Seokjin and Yoongi’s personal cheerleader. It was last year, during a close-call game that crushed the team’s spirit. The first time he saw Yoongi angry and Seokjin upset.
He didn’t like that. He feels shitty whenever the people he cared about are under the weather. It had been a minor attempt, with him dashing out of the club room to borrow pom-poms from the on-standby cheerleaders, rushing back inside to clumsily recreate the routine of the cheerleading dance.
It did the trick. The mood was still somber, though Yoongi had failed to fight a smile, erstwhile, Seokjin threw his head back in a guffaw. Again, he danced his ass off, and the whole team began laughing.
Jeongguk wants Seokjin to know he’s still here despite Yoongi leaving. Perhaps, what he actually wants is for Seokjin to notice him.
“We’re still a team, hyung,” Jeongguk says meekly, meeting Seokjin’s gaze. “Even if Yoongi-hyung chose to leave.”
Pause befell.
Seokjin smiles, tight-lipped, giving neither a confirmation or a declination.
Jeongguk arrives a bit later than the schedule. Scratch that, he wasn’t a bit late. He’s an hour late. One of these days, he’s going to kick Taehyung’s ass and send him to pluto. While taking a shower, Taehyung had blasted Fall Out Boys incredibly loud, the whole street could hear him scream along Patrick Stump’s vocals. Taehyung should have been a rockstar instead of a nurse. He couldn’t hear Jeongguk’s desperate knocking for him to hurry the fuck up.
As a result, he’s late to the COKA, entering a room filled with their teammates already drunk and rowdy.
The disco lights of blues, purples and reds rotated around the cramp space. The off-key singing is making his ears bleed. In front, one of his drunk teammates is singing like a dying goat. Jeongguk spots Namjoon beside a machine used to input a song, with a songbook on his lap. He looks around. Everyone is there except Seokjin.
For a moment, he thought Seokjin had already left. Or, worse, never went at all.
Jeongguk heads toward the karaoke machine.
“Hyung,” he taps Namjoon’s shoulder, accompanied by a casual, “Where’s Seokjin-hyung?”
At that, Namjoon closes the songbook, straightening from his slouch. He levels Jeongguk with another knowing gaze. He nods to the beers and sojus on the table. “Have a drink first. Here, let me get you something,” Namjoon grabs an unopened, cold beer. “Settle in and I’ll tell you where he is.”
Confused, and a bit eager to know where Seokjin is, Jeongguk grabs the bottle and downs it in a single gulp. Amidst, the guys cheer him on, urging him to get shitfaced. Feeling a bit bloated, throat raw from the carbonation, he slams the bottle down the table as though he’s boasting a trophy, followed by a soft burp and a long sigh of relief.
His teammates holler-hooted.
Snorting at their antics, he waves them off coolly, earning him another round of teasing. Back to Namjoon: “There. I’m settled in,” he says, wiping the edge of his lips with the back of his hand. “Where is he?”
Namjoon looks like he’s considering. Then: “Smoking area. Go straight down the hallways. It’s the last room at the far end.”
Nodding, he moves to leave. However, he’s stopped by a tug on his shirt. Turning to check, he realizes it’s Namjoon. He blinks. “Yes, hyung?”
But Namjoon doesn’t say anything. He stares, and stares, and then shakes his head, letting him go. Namjoon offers a small, albeit cryptic, smile. “Nothing. Tell Seokjin-hyung he will lose, so he better pay half the tab for tonight.”
Weird. He nods and gives a salute.
He makes his way to the smoking area. Pushing the doors open, he’s welcomed by a thin blanket of smoke, and the odor of nicotine in the air. The smoking room is covered in blue and purple fluorescent. There’s no one else hanging around, aside from a gorgeous silhouette (he knows it’s the love of his life, don’t ask him how or why) on the balcony.
It’s Seokjin.
Not wanting to disturb, Jeongguk ambles toward the figure, calling out into the silence, “Hello?”
It seems Seokjin hasn’t considered having company, because he turns with a genuinely shocked expression, eyes wide and mouth poised to an off-guard scream. He looks like he’s ready to punch whoever it is. Although, once he realizes it’s not someone who wants to sell him shady stuff, he relaxes with a hand on his chest. “I almost punched you.”
Jeongguk snorts.
“Shit. I thought you’re some random weed dealer,” Seokjin sighs a chuckle.
Is Seokjin someone who attracts weed dealers?
He has no chance to mull over Seokjin’s attractiveness to weed dealers, for he’s tugged by the wrist. He stumbles into the balcony, belatedly coming to a realization he’s standing so close with the future dad of his kids. He internally panics. In this tiny space, he tries to ignore the warmth of Seokjin’s body by his side. Though, ignoring this has him focus more on Seokjin’s low, sweet voice. Bad decision.
“Do you remember freshmen orientations?”
“Don’t remind me,” he groans, playfully hitting him by the arm.
“You tripped and nearly drowned in a fountain. It was hilarious,” Seokjin shuffles to the side to give him space. Then, he’s handing him the packs of Esse Lights. “Yoongi liked you on the spot, did you know that?”
Jeongguk hums, taking a stick from the pack. Quietly, he reaches for the lighter on the railing. Then slips the filter in his lips and flicks the lighter’s wheel, burning the cherry. He inhales slowly at first, then puffs out smoke. He hands the lighter and cigarettes back to Seokjin while leaning on the banister.
The warm glow from the streets, gleam of headlights from speeding vehicles on the highway, merge into a sparkling blend of colours that makes Seokjin shine amidst the lights. Seokjin’s side profile as his dark hair is tousled by the city breeze, the smoke slipping out of his lips, has Jeongguk drunk with heat for a reason other than adoration.
It also makes him brave, brain to mouth filter gone. “...are you over him?”
Seokjin glances at him, brow lifted.
“Yoongi-hyung.”
“Hm. What a strange question.”
Jeongguk furrows his brows.
“Let’s see...do you ever truly get over someone?”
“What do you mean?”
“For me, getting over is the same as getting used to their absence.”
He falls silent. Takes another drag before blowing the smoke in the air. Feeling a small pang of dismay and jealousy, he asks again, “Does that mean you’re still not over him?”
Note to future self: stop asking questions that will hurt. Thanks.
The cold beer he glugged might have caused his loose tongue, because he’s usually not this forward. He’s also not this much of an over-thinker. Unwittingly, he starts nitpicking on even the tiniest details he witnessed over the course of knowing Seokjin. Like this one: not once had Seokjin cried when he and Yoongi broke up. When Yoongi chose to focus on music over his relationship with Seokjin, over the team they built together from the ground up, over practically everything else, that he had been missing in action for long periods until his captain spot withdrawal, Seokjin hadn't cried.
Jeongguk is aware that the two are civil because he meets up with Yoongi from time to time. And because Yoongi is possibly one of the kindest people to exist, he has always made time for him in spite of his busy schedule. And this, the unconditional kindness he receives from Yoongi, is another reason why he’s guilty and ashamed of himself. He can’t help but think he’s committing an awful thing behind everyone’s back.
Then again, what can he do? He loves Seokjin. It’s not like he can simply order his heart to stop loving someone. Feelings doesn’t work that way.
Stubbing the cigarette on the ashtray, he takes courage to face Seokjin. He thought to himself, has he truly needed a guidebook to convey the depths of his emotions? Should he have been upfront and honest instead, rather than relying on tips and tricks from anonymous sources found on the internet? Channeling the courage he didn’t know he had, he feels undaunted by Seokjin’s presence. Courageous from the veil of smoke and the alcohol in his veins.
“Hyung. I...I have something to tell you.”
Here, illuminated by the street lights and bathed in the shadows, Seokjin flutters his gaze to him. Eyebrows raised in query, looking like he has something to say, too.
Jeongguk takes a deep breath. Counts one to five in his head. Then: “I...to be honest, I've always been—”
But something unprecedented happens. Seokjin starts talking at the same time as well, interrupting him mid-sentence:
“Yoongi and I might get back together.”