Chapter Text
When Sugawara first received word that a genius first year setter was going to join the team, he couldn't say that he was exactly overjoyed.
In the world of volleyball, 'genius' wasn't a term thrown around lightly, which meant that this new kid was clearly either already leagues above Suga, or it wouldn't be long until he was.
When Sugawara first met said genius first year setter, he was even less thrilled.
To start, the boy already had an advantage in his height (which frankly, Suga found rather unfair), but when he saw him actually play, the third year wasn't sure if he should feel jealous or amazed.
He decided that both was probably a safe middle ground.
Amazement, needless to say, showed itself far less often than jealousy did. At least to begin with.
Kageyama, (he quickly learned that was the new setter's name, after hearing it screamed constantly in Hinata's high pitched, fury filled voice) in his defence, seemed like a fairly decent young man. Apart from his various arguments with the bouncy red head, he was polite, and seemed to show signs of giving the team no troubles other than the bickering the freak duo shared.
Within the first few days of knowing the ravenette, Tsukishima had completely destroyed the team's view of him.
A tyrannical King, he said.
Even though Suga couldn't say he liked the kid just yet, he didn't really see a tyrannical King now, at least. Kageyama was clearly devastated, not to mention furious, that the blonde had revealed his secret to the rest of the team.
The third year didn't know if this so called 'king' was planning on going his whole high school career without anyone finding out, but he doubted that was the case.
After all, Tsukishima did say that he team had abandoned him in front of a crowd. And word spreads fast between teams.
Sugawara wasn't entirely sure how to feel, at that knowledge. He supposed he didn't feel much different to before.
In his eyes, Kageyama hadn't changed. He was still a polite first year genius (that Suga was embarrassingly incredibly jealous of) and some back-story of dictatorship and tyranny wasn't going to change that.
Though, their first practice match as a team wasn't what Suga wanted it to be.
The other team -Aoba Johsai- had given one condition:
That Kageyama be their starting setter.
The third year was filled with a flurry of different emotions upon hearing the news, most of them shoving the urge to cry down his throat and lodging it there.
He had to admit, some of that urge came from that fact that Kageyama couldn't seem to stop stuttering out apologies, bowing so far that Suga was worried he might fall over. And upon seeing the wetness of Kageyama's own eyes, when they were alone in the club room, Suga couldn't help but feel worse, as he realised he had disregarded Kageyama's feelings in the matter.
He assumed the boy would be ecstatic to take his senpai's place.
Evidently not.
It appeared neither of them were particularly pleased about the situation. And if anything, the ravenette seemed more upset than Suga.
Well, that shouldn't really have been surprising, considering Seijoh harboured a fair few of Kageyama's old team mates.
The team mates who left him.
Yeah, he was fairly certain that Kageyama was feeling worse.
It really didn't much inspection to realise the first year wasn't very good with people. He was clearly trying, that much was obvious from the way he attempted to hand out compliments every so often.
Emphasis on 'attempt'.
Kageyama didn't like to beat around the bush with his phrasing, and sometimes the things he'd say would come across not at all how he intended, resulting in him mumbling an apology, clearly frustrated. Though he seemed to be frustrated with himself more than anyone else. Suga thought that was a little sad.
Now, he knew that the boy was supposed to be his rival, and if he was completely honest, shaking the jealousy he'd felt when he first met Kageyama was far more difficult than he thought it'd be, especially after the first year took his place as starting setter. Though seeing tears building in his kouhai's eyes as he apologised for something he had no control over, that snapped him out of it.
Kageyama was a polite first year genius, he seemed to want nothing more than to play volleyball, and to make his team mates happy. Or at least, make them not hate him.
Needless to say, he was succeeding so far.
Watching the ravenette put so much effort into changing from the King he had once been, it was endearing. At least to Suga.
He knew that the boy was supposed to be his rival, and many people had told him in the past to never share his secrets with his kouhai's, as they might one day surpass him with his own tricks. But in all honesty, Suga didn't really have any tricks.
He was just the average setter, with the ability to perhaps give people a little pick-me-up in the middle of matches.
But to Kageyama, his knowledge on effective communication, not to mention his experience could help the younger setter improve by miles. Not to mention, the knowledge that his senpai was supporting him without question, that would likely help the ravenette just as much as his actual advice would.
Eventually, after it had become clear that Sugawara wasn't going to be the starting setter again any time soon, he made up his mind. It wasn't likely he was going to continue volleyball as anything but a hobby into his adult life anyway, so there was no use in letting what little skill and technique he had go to waste.
He resolved to talk to Kageyama.
One Friday evening, as the team said their goodbyes outside the Sakanoshita shop, meat buns in hand, Suga approached the younger setter.
"Hey, Kageyama, have you got some time to talk?"
The boy straightened immediately, his usual scowl replaced with confusion and nervousness, "have I done something wrong?" He stuttered through his words.
Suga's eyes went wide, before he shook his head, "no, no! Not at all!" He rubbed the back of his neck, "I just wanted to discuss something with you."
The ravenette seemed to relax at that, even if it was only slightly, "yes, I have time."
Grinning, the third head turned, gesturing for the boy to follow, "I know a nice spot not far from here where we can sit."
He was expecting the boy to question him, but surprisingly he followed without a word.
They arrived at Suga's 'mystery location' not five minutes later.
Out of the corner of his eye, the setter could see his kouhai gazing around, taking in the new area.
It wasn't exactly a mind blowing place, it was just an old wooden bench that must've been placed years ago, stood overlooking a large pond, covered in a thin layer of algae and lily pads.
Suga spent a lot of time there growing up, spent with his siblings catching tadpoles and picking flowers. The winter was just as fun, as the water would freeze over, allowing them to walk over it and play even more games. He had good memories here.
"Nice, huh?" He smiled, parking himself on the old bench before patting the space next to him, encouraging Kageyama to do the same.
"It's very pretty," the boy responded, eyes still wide as his he continued to look around, planting himself beside the older boy.
It being early spring, the water of the pond was hidden underneath a thick layer of fog, the clouds dancing across the surface, swirling in mesmerising patterns. He couldn't help but agree with his kouhai.
"What did you want to talk to me about, senpai?"
Ah, yes. Suga had almost forgotten about that, having gotten lost in the world around him. He quickly gathered his thoughts.
"I was wondering if you'd... like any help? With volleyball?"
Not a very eloquent way of putting it, but he'd made his point none the less.
"With volleyball?" The ravenette echoed.
"Mhm," Suga hummed, "well, I know you don't exactly need much help with the sport itself. And I doubt there'd be much, if anything I could teach you that you don't already know."
Kageyama eyebrows furrowed, and he looked ready to retort before Suga raised his hand, silencing him.
"But," he continued, "it's come to my attention that you might need some help with you're communication skills."
Straightforward, and to the point. Just as Kageyama would have. So why did the boy suddenly look so sullen?
Suga scrambled to correct whatever mistake he'd made, "It's not that you're not communicating. Because you are. And that is very much appreciated, but-"
"But I'm not very good at it."
Sugawara stared, his movements freezing.
"I know I'm not very good at it," he sighed, his warm breath clouding before dissipating in the breeze, "I would appreciate whatever help you can give me, Sugawara-san."
Well this was certainly not how he was expecting this conversation to go.
"You- you would?" He stuttered out, trying not to sound too surprised.
Kageyama nodded, remaining silent.
The older boy smiled, "well why don't we start with a few questions then?"
His kouhai tilted his head slightly, confusion painting his features before Suga continued, "What would you like to know?"
This was how their meetings became a regular occurrence.
Every Friday, after meat buns, the two would walk to the pond and rickety old bench, and talk. Sometimes it wasn't even about volleyball.
Every so often, a topic of conversation would spark up, and before they knew it, it was already time for them both to be heading home. It was nice.
It felt like he was finally properly getting to know one of his kouhai's.
Not that he didn't know any of his other underclassmen, in fact, he knew a fair amount about each of them. But he couldn't help but feel it was far more personal with Kageyama. Like he was the only person on the team that Kageyama talked to like this.
Apart from Hinata, that is.
Each person in the team had already placed their bets as to which of the two would confess first. Of course, Suga had placed bets on Hinata. There was no way Kageyama was ever going to confess. Suga thought it was likely he wouldn't even be able to identify that what he was feeling was a crush.
But watching the two dance around each other, neither of them quite understanding their feelings was rather amusing.
Overtime, Suga and Kageyama became closer.
Though he wasn't entirely sure how the ravenette felt about the situation.
Suga gathered he was more of the lone wolf type, choosing to spend his time alone rather than with others. And don't get him wrong, that was perfectly fine. If that was what the younger boy preferred, then he had no qualms with it.
So Suga wasn't quite sure if the first year had felt forced into spending time with his senpai, rather than offered the choice. As much as the silver haired boy wanted to get to know Kageyama, he didn't want to make him uncomfortable. Though he supposed bringing these particular worries up would only make the setter more uneasy.
But his worries were soon crushed anyway, when on one fateful Friday, Kageyama approached him as usual. Upon noticing the scowl that generally resided on the ravenette's face was instead replaced with an almost troubled expression, Sugawara knew something was off.
They made their way to the bench in silence, Kageyama walking a pace or two behind the older boy.
They got to the bench.
They sat down.
Neither said a word.
Suga could tell Kageyama was thinking, likely pondering over the wording of what he wanted to say.
He waited, admiring the view of the pond.
Until finally, the silence was broken, by a deep inhale.
"Could I..." he trailed off, seeming to immediately lose his confidence, "could I share a few things with you?"
The older boy smiled softly, "of course you can."
The first year pondered for a few seconds more, before eventually finding his resolve again, and stuttering his way through a variety of explanations.
Each of them detailing different parts of his life.
His very difficult life.
Every time the boy finished going over an incident, Suga found himself begging that there was no more to be said. That it would be the last of these horrible experiences that Kageyama had had to deal with.
It was not the conversation he was expecting to have that evening. But although his heart was shattering for this boy, he couldn't help but feel overwhelmingly happy that he'd felt comfortable enough to discuss this with him. Kageyama trusted him with this information. And that was astounding in itself.
By the time the younger boy was finished, Suga could see the shine of tears in his eyes. He offered Kageyama a hug.
Surprisingly, he accepted.
And from that day forth, Sugawara vowed that he would be the best senpai he could possibly be for this boy. He told himself that he would be there for him, no matter what.
And he was.
For a few weeks.
Until the collision happened.
And he watched Kageyama and Hinata go careening to the floor.
Heard the pained yelp that left the ravenette's mouth.
Kneeled next to the boy's head as he sobbed.
He'd held him then.
He stroked his hair as he cried, delirious in his agony.
He'd held his hand in the ambulance, as he gasped for air, his ribs pressing against his lungs.
He'd stayed when they were told he was taken into emergency surgery.
He'd stayed through the complications.
He'd stayed through the hours.
He'd stayed as they waited for him to wake.
He'd stayed so he could visit the boy, and reassure him that he wasn't going anywhere.
He'd stayed through the tears.
Through the sorrow.
Through the fear.
He'd stayed.
He didn't leave him.
Sugawara refused to let him down.
But he couldn't help but feel that he was.
Playing in matches now was still as exhilarating as it was before, but it had a new feeling attached to it.
Guilt.
A pair of icy blue eyes stared from the side of the court, aching to once again step onto it, and play the game he'd loved for so long.
Kageyama just wanted to play volleyball.
And even though he knew he shouldn't, Suga couldn't help but feel an overwhelming guilt gnawing at his insides whenever he made eye contact with his kouhai.
He hadn't earned this. He was no more skilled than he was when he'd stepped off his mantle of starting setter. The only reason he was here was because Kageyama had been injured.
But the worst part was, he was enjoying it.
Despite the guilt, despite everything he'd witnessed on the day of the ravenette's injury, it was exhilarating to finally be able to play again.
He found himself unable to meet his kouhai's eyes. His miserable, tired, and sad eyes.
Suga had never felt so horrible.