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Even though it’s too late and he knows it, Dean still thinks if it was possible to cancel the Christmas plans and drive back home, lock himself inside his apartment and just stay there, drink beer and binge watch a series until the holidays are over and it’s time to go back to college.
He’s being stupid, he’s already outside Cas’ apartment, waiting for him to join him in the car so they can start the drive to Bobby’s for the holidays.
Dean’s just being a good friend and Cas could’ve said no if he wanted to. It’s just that Cas was going to spend the holidays alone in his apartment and you should spend Christmas with family, or at least some people and there’s people at Bobby’s and it’s chill, and Dean had been so scared Cas would think it’s weird, him inviting him there, but Cas had just said yes. They came up with the schedule for the trip, and that was it.
But then Dean started overthinking it, after Sam’s message about bringing this girl Eileen with him, and they’re obviously dating, and maybe Cas will think it’s weird, him joining as a friend. Who says friends can’t join family Christmases anyway?
Dean jolts from his thoughts when the passenger door opens and a duffel bag is thrown to the back seat, before Cas slides to the front seat, closing the door behind him. He looks like he’s just dressed as quickly as he could, the hood of his hoodie stuck underneath his jacket collar, holding a pair of gloves in his hand, hair sticking to all directions at once.
“Sorry if I’m a little late”, Cas apologizes, a bit breathy. He’s probably just ran around his apartment, gathering all the crap he needs with him for the next week before running out.
“No problem”, Dean turns to look at Cas, “You sure you have everything? ‘Cause if you forget something, you’re gonna live without it for the week.”
“Yes, Dean”, Cas rolls his eyes, “We can leave.”
“Good”, Dean starts the car, trying to hold back a smile, “But if you forgot to grab your toothbrush, I took your spare one from my place, just in case.”
Cas just glares forward, pointedly not looking at Dean, and says nothing. Dean laughs loud as he reverses from Cas’s yard to the road.
-
The ride is long, but it goes on easily, with good music on the radio, each other keeping them entertained, and taking breaks at gas stations whenever they need to. Time flies as Dean drives, and it doesn’t feel like it took them most of the day to arrive at the familiar, narrow road that eventually leads to Bobby’s yard.
It’s already dark when Dean parks the car and nudges Cas awake before opening the car door. Cas gives him a confused look like he wouldn’t remember where he is for a second.
“Come on, sleepy head, you can sleep inside”, Dean says and steps out to get their things. Cas follows him out of the car and towards the house.
There’s still some light coming from the windows of Bobby’s house, so not everyone is asleep just yet. Dean grabs the key from where Bobby keeps the spare one, underneath the ugly, broken elf statue that has creeped Dean out since he was a kid. The front door makes a familiar sound when Dean creaks it open, the feeling of coming home making him smile instantly.
Cas enters as quietly as he can when Dean lets him in first. They’ve only taken off their shoes when the floor creaks a bit as Bobby enters the hallway from the living room. He looks like he just woke up from the couch when he heard the two of them coming in.
“Hi Bobby”, Dean smiles. It hits him right there just how long it’s been since they’ve seen each other, when Bobby pulls him in a tight hug, patting his back with a strong hand, like he always does.
“You got here okay?”
“Yeah, I sent you a message we’re running late. You didn’t need to stay up.”
Bobby grunts, and ignores Dean, tilting his head to look behind him. “And you’re Castiel?”
Cas steps forward, past Dean, holding his hand out, “Yes, thank you for letting me join, Mr. Singer—"
Bobby cuts his polite speech off with a wave of a hand, “None of that Mr. Singer crap in here, call me Bobby.” He shakes Cas’ hand, “And it’s no problem, the more the merrier.”
Cas gives Bobby a polite smile and nods at that. Dean shoulders his backpack and grabs his and Cas’s bags from the floor.
“Sam and Eileen are sleeping in Sam’s old room”, Bobby says and motions towards the staircase, “Made you boys a bed upstairs in your old room. The others will arrive later this week.” He wishes them goodnight and disappears down the hallway, where his bedroom is.
Dean glances next to him. Cas has a serious, thoughtful look on his face.
“He’s always grumpy like that, don’t worry”, Dean assures, “Come on, we should go upstairs.”
-
Bobby really made them a bed. A bed, one bed, Dean’s old bed, to be exact, a bed that has been too tiny for Dean for years, and that’s when he sleeps on it alone. He’s scanning the room with his eyes as if a mattress or a second bed would magically appear in front of him.
But there’s no mattress, just his bed with two sets of bedsheets, two pillows neatly next to each other, two blankets folded on top.
“Uh, I can take the couch downstairs”, Dean offers, not looking at Cas, who has stopped next to him on the doorway.
“Why?” Cas asks, confused.
“Dude”, Dean points at the bed, “There’s not enough space for both of us, thing’s tiny as hell.” Maybe the two of them will fit but there’s not enough space for Dean’s huge crush on Cas. He leaves that part out.
Cas crosses the room, dropping his backpack on the way, and sits down on the bed, holding from the edge with his hands on his sides, looking over his shoulder, like he’s examining the size of the bed.
Dean was not prepared for the wave of affection hitting him at the image of Cas sitting on his bed. Of course, he’s seen Cas sit on his bed back in his tiny apartment, before he got a proper sofa, but this is different, this is his childhood room. Here, looking somewhere behind him and unaware of Dean’s gaze in the dim light, framed with the posters on the wall behind him, that Dean’s hanged up there years ago and never bothered to take down, he looks completely different.
Cas looks like he belongs here. Dean’s surprised by how much he wants him to belong here, in his childhood room, visiting his family.
“Your back is not made for sleeping on a couch”, Cas eventually says, shaking Dean back into reality.
“But I roll around all night, you won’t be able to sleep.”
“Trust me”, Cas deadpans, “I would rather sleep poorly than listen to you whining about your aching back all through Christmas”, he gets up, ”Where’s the bathroom?”
The tone of Cas’s voice tells Dean the conversation about sleeping places is over. Dean points to the hallway, giving the instructions for the way to the bathroom. He grabs his toilet bag from his backpack, handing it to Cas with a knowing smirk. Cas rolls his eyes but takes it with him.
Once Cas is gone, he changes into his pyjamas.
How many people are joining them if Bobby doesn’t have a spare mattress for the two of them anyway? While Dean is horrified about sleeping next to Cas, he is glad he didn’t go through with his plan to sleep on the couch, because Cas is right: his back would kill him.
And he would probably whine about it.
Dean makes his way to the bathroom when Cas returns. He goes through his nighttime routine without thinking about it, sitting on the toilet seat while he brushes his teeth, staring at a picture of him and Sam as kids, that Bobby has hanged up on the wall. Sam’s missing his front teeth, smiling a wide, toothless smile. Dean looks at himself wearing a cape made of a bedsheet, thinking again how long it's been since he’s been back here, at home.
The answer’s the same every time he’s here, wondering the same thing: it’s been too long.
He puts his toothbrush on the mug where Cas’s brush, the spare one from his apartment, already is, before turning off the lights.
The bedroom is already dark, when he comes back, closing the door behind him as quietly as he could. Cas is already under the covers, breathing steadily. Dean slides under one of the blankets, careful to leave some space between them, what little is possible to leave anyway. Judged from the steady breaths Cas is already asleep, the sleepy son of a bitch, and listening to that, Dean suddenly feels the long drive weighing his body and he falls asleep surprisingly fast as well.
-
Cas has met Sam a few times before when the younger Winchester has been visiting Dean, and he looks taller each time, which shouldn’t be possible since he’s turned twenty-one this year and should not grow any more.
Sam throws himself at Dean the second the two of them enter the kitchen, where he and Eileen are already making breakfast. Dean goes through the ‘quit being such a girl Sammy’ show with eye rolls and all, but Cas sees past that as Dean holds his taller young brother in the tight hug.
“And Castiel”, Sam smiles at him when he let’s go of his brother, “So glad that you”, he makes a hand gesture between Cas and Dean, “joined us this year.”
“Yes, well, I had no other plans and Dean insisted”, Cas explains, “I hope it’s okay.”
“Of course, man!” Sam nods furiously, “I mean Eileen’s here too so—” it seems that this is the point he remembers her. He turns around so she can see him speak, “Oh shit, Eileen, this is my brother Dean and that’s Castiel.”
Eileen, who is cutting some vegetables, places down the knife and gives a warm smile to the two of them. She has thick brown hair up in a ponytail and she’s wearing Sam’s hoodie based on how big it is on her. Dean thinks she’s cute, and probably way too good for his nerdy brother.
“Sam talks about you so much I feel like I already know you”, Eileen says to Dean, before turning to look at Cas, “Nice to meet you too, Castiel.”
“Nice to meet you too”, Cas says and signs the same, because he knows a bit of sign language, and he’s always mindful like that. Dean wants to smack himself for not learning to sign even just that.
“It snowed a lot early this morning, so Bobby’s out”, Sam says and grabs a half eaten toast from his plate, taking a bite, “We already prepared some breakfast but if you want eggs or something you have to make them yourself.”
Cas turns to look at Dean, “I want—”
“Coffee, yeah, yeah I know”, Dean rolls his eyes and nods towards the coffee maker that luckily isn’t completely empty, “Take some while I’ll fix us some eggs.”
They both miss the way Sam and Eileen look at them and then each other.
-
They’re just finishing up breakfast and Dean’s marathon of telling Eileen all the embarrassing moments of Sam’s life he could possibly think of, when they hear Bobby coming back inside. Dean turns his gaze away from the burn of Sam’s glare and towards the kitchen door to see Bobby arrive.
“What are you kids up to?”
“Just finished breakfast”, Dean says, grinning, “I got to tell Eileen some of the highlights of Sammy’s life.”
“You laugh now, jerk”, Sam says, and Dean can hear the bitchface without even looking at his brother, “Payback’s coming on lunchtime, I have some of your good moments prepared for Cas.”
The grin on Dean’s face falters a bit, because it's weird for Sam to associate Cas with Eileen, but okay.
“You boys slept okay?” Bobby asks, “Didn’t want to wake you up this morning since you arrived so late.”
Dean wants to ask about the sleeping arrangement, but he can’t think of a way to ask that’s not fucking embarrassing. Cas answers Bobby’s question for them because it takes him too long.
“Yes, it was nice to sleep in”, he says and Dean just nods, because it really was. It’s so rare you get to wake up without an alarm and he managed to keep his distance from Cas and he didn’t have any embarrassing morning moments going on down south so it, really, was nice.
“Good”, Bobby just says to him, before looking at Dean, “It's good weather outside and I just cleared the way to the lake”, he nods towards Cas as he continues, “You should take your man there to see the view.”
It takes a second for Bobby’s phrasing to hit Dean. He just called Cas Dean’s— Did he imply that—
“My—"
Dean’s eyes widen.
“Cas is not—"
Bobby just looks at him with a calm, neutral expression on his face. The way he said it was so nonchalant, natural. Unaware of the short circuit of Dean’s brain, Bobby just turns around to pour himself some leftover coffee from the pot.
Dean moves his gaze to Sam across the table, expecting to meet a funny look, held in laughter or something but Sam’s just. Looking normal.
This is embarrassing. The pause in his sentence is getting too long, he has to finish it now.
“been to lakes that much”, he blurts out, “Have you, Cas?” he asks, cheeks burning and voice going up an octave, somehow hoping that no one notices that, “Yes, we should go there today”, he continues before Cas even gets to give him an answer other than a confused look.
“We were there yesterday”, Sam says so casually Dean’s sure he didn’t catch what Bobby said word for word, “The ice is quite thin from here and there, so be careful.”
“Yeah”, Dean says and clears his throat. He gets up, “We should get ready. Cas”, he calls, and the other man gets up as well. They take their dishes to the sink before leaving the kitchen.
-
Dean heads straight to the bathroom when they arrive upstairs. When he returns to the bedroom, Cas is already dressed in warmer clothes, sitting on the edge of the bed with a thoughtful look on his face. Without saying anything, Dean goes to his backpack to search for clothes as well.
“It’s windy at the lake”, he says to Cas as he rummages through his stuff, “Make sure you’re wearing layers.”
When Cas doesn’t comment, Dean looks up from his stuff. “Cas?”
“Your uncle thinks we are a couple.”
The way Cas says it sounds like a neutral statement, an observation, and Dean realizes he didn’t think how Cas would feel about that at all. The tone of his voice doesn’t give anything away.
“Yeah, it’s—I don’t know why he’d think that”, Dean says, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, like his heart wasn’t beating its way out his chest, still.
“You didn’t correct him”, Cas points out, and to Dean, he sounds confused more than anything else.
“Yeah”, Dean starts, trying to reason his choice, even to himself. He’s trying to come up with a reason other than ‘it felt so nice to live in a world where I’m dating you for a second’ because he’s not gonna tell Cas that. “Does it really matter? Would’ve been awkward for Bobby to correct him, and it’s not like it changes anything, right?” he’s rambling, “I can tell him later, if it’s bothering you, but if you’re cool with—”
“It’s cool”, Cas cuts him off, looking down at his hands for a moment. He lifts his eyes to meet Dean’s, smiling a bit, “You’re right, it would’ve been awkward”, he agrees, “and it changes nothing.”
“Best to leave it at that and just drop it”, Dean states and Cas just nods at that.
-
After that, somehow nothing changes, but something still shifts a bit.
They don’t talk about it after that one conversation, but it doesn’t hang heavy between them either. It’s just that they agreed it’s okay if Bobby seems to think that they are together. And Sam and Eileen as well, or at least it seems that way, since Sam didn’t correct Bobby or laughed at the assumption, and sometimes he or Eileen say things that leave Dean confused, like at lunch when Eileen asked him if they are living together already, or when Sam jokes the same way with Cas as Dean does with Eileen.
Dean allows himself to act on it, nothing big, but just in the little things. He knows it’s wrong, but he can’t help himself, he just wants to live in this stupid fantasy for a while.
He gives himself permission to touch Cas a bit more. They’re already really close with each other as friends, but now they touch more frequently than before. Small, brief touches come so naturally in different situations Dean almost stops thinking about it.
They agreed to let people think they are dating, but now Dean feels like they are actually dating. Well, fake dating, as Dean tries to remind himself all the time, but it’s too easy to live in the fantasy.
And the thing is, Dean wouldn’t do any of that if Cas would seem uncomfortable about it, because while he has a crush on the man, he’s not an asshole.
But Cas seems to do the same, the moments are brief and ignorable, but Dean notices them all. The way Cas places a hand on the small of his back when he goes around him in the kitchen, the way he sits a bit closer when they watch a movie with Sam and Eileen, the way his hand lingers on Dean’s jaw as he wipes some flour off his skin when they bake pies.
Cas knows what everyone else thinks about the two of them, so he’s probably just trying to play the part, make it seem like they actually have a relationship like Dean let them believe, and save his ass from looking like an idiot.
Being at Bobby’s, away from home, and the holiday vibe helps Dean to ignore all the thoughts that nag at his brain, and he just selfishly lets himself be in that bubble with Cas and take what he can out of the situation, and he’ll just switch back to normal when they go back home.
Now that they are ‘together’ they can’t really change the sleeping arrangement without it seeming weird, but so far it hasn’t caused any awkward situations. Seeing Cas next to him before falling asleep and seeing him the first thing in the morning feels so natural and good it would be scary, if Dean would be a reasonable person and actually think about it. Blissful ignorance has worked good for now, and Cas hasn’t caught him staring at him in the morning, so that’s a plus.
“What’s on your mind?” Cas asks at night, when they are both still lying awake in the dark of the bedroom and Dean’s shifting and shifting, trying to find a comfortable position on the side of the bed.
He stops shifting and looks at Cas, only a silhouette of his profile visible in the dark. “Why do you ask?”
“You keep moving like something is bothering you”, Cas turns his face to look at Dean, “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah”, he chuckles, “I’m just not used to sleeping on the side, just feels weird, that’s all.”
“You want to switch?” And Cas, the sweet person, is already getting up, but Dean stops him.
“No, it’s not that”, he says, and Cas lays down back again, waiting for Dean to continue, “I usually sleep in the middle”, he clarifies, hoping it doesn’t sound pathetic when he adds:
“I’ve never shared this bed with anyone.”
“Oh”, Cas just says, “You have never brought anyone here with you.”
Dean’s not sure if it was a question or just an observation, but he answers anyway. “Nope.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know”, Dean shrugs, chewing his bottom lip a bit. He thinks of his past relationships, most of them short and kept casual, but even with the longer ones he never really thought about it, coming here. He’s here usually on holidays, a few times a year and usually, if there was someone in his life at one of those times, they had other plans, probably.
He met Lisa’s parents once half on accident, when they were visiting her, but Dean never asked her, or anyone else, to join him here.
“I guess I haven’t felt like asking anyone to come”, he explains, and just because it sounds much heavier than he expected, he continues, “It’s a long drive, and you know how annoying I get with the music and speed limits”, he grins, “Wouldn’t want to put anyone through that.”
Cas doesn’t react to his joke.
“Why did you invite me?” The question is quiet and hesitant.
“You know why, man”, Dean tries to dodge the question, but Cas’s determined face doesn’t give up, not even in the dark where Dean can’t properly see it, “You were gonna spend Christmas alone in your apartment, and I would’ve felt like an asshole being here with everyone while you’d be alone”, he mutters, playing with a loose thread on the corner of his blanket, “And Sam was gonna bring Eileen, so it’s not like he would’ve kept me company all this time, so.”
“Well, thank you for inviting me”, Cas says quietly, “This has been much more pleasant than being alone at home already.”
“Told you”, Dean smiles, before yawning. “Should we sleep?”
“Sounds good”, Cas agrees, turning his back to Dean, “Good night, Dean.”
“Night, Cas.”
Dean stares at the dark mess of hair on the pillow next to him for a moment, feeling comfortable even lying just on the left side of the bed, before closing his eyes.
-
Ellen and Jo arrive the next day, accompanied with a redhead who must be Charlie, a chick Jo’s been going on and on about whenever they call those hours long phone calls. Things seemed to have gone her way since Dean entered the hallway just in time to see them letting go of each others’ hands.
He looks at the redhead from head to toe, and after hugging Ellen and Jo, he holds out his hand.
“You must be Charlie”, he says, trying to look serious and scary.
The redhead shakes his hand, grinning at him, “You must be Dean. I’ve heard much about you.”
“Only awesome things, I assume”, Dean shoots a quick glance at Jo, “I’ve heard quite a few things about you too. Didn’t know you were joining us, though.”
“Hey, Eileen’s here and Sam told me you brought a date too”, Jo points out, “Was I supposed to be alone with you couples, no sir.” She leans towards Dean, lowering her voice:
“You could’ve told me you two are dating, dude, I found that out from Sam.”
“Yeah, uh, sorry about that”, Dean says. He wants to come clean about this to Jo, that in his defense, it’s not real. She’s one of his best friends and lying about this to her feels wrong but telling about it would mean bursting the bubble that he’s happy living in, so he keeps his mouth shut.
Jo doesn’t seem to be too mad about it anyway. “Whatever. Where is he anyway?”
The three of them head to the living room where Cas is with Eileen and Sam. He gets up as they enter the room, holding out a hand with a small, polite smile on his face.
“I believe you are Jo. I’m Cas.”
The smile on Jo’s face is so wide and she’s clearly holding back some excited sounds, Dean is already embarrassed.
Jo shakes Cas’s hand, and introduces herself and Charlie, before a smirk rises to her lips, and Dean knows he’s screwed:
“Cas, I must say, you seem just as dreamy as Dean’s told me.”
Cas’s eyebrows lift in surprise, as he quickly glances at Dean.
Dean wants to shoot Jo, then himself, and Cas, and everyone else in the room, just to be sure.
“I am so happy Dean finally got his shit together”, Jo continues and Dean’s really starting to regret not filling Jo in with the details right away.
Because it just might be that Jo hasn’t been the only one who has spilled their guts about a crush on a three-hour long phone call, with alcohol involved. This is great, just awesome.
“I mean if I’d have to go through one more drunken phone call about—"
“Okay that’s enough, Jo”, Dean cuts her off, moving to stand between her and Cas as if that would protect the other man from hearing more. Jo has a playful grin on her face as Dean glares at her, “Why don’t you take your crap to the guest room and settle in?”
He pretends to not notice the curious look Cas has on his face when he looks at him after that.
-
Sam, the asshole, has set mistletoes up all around the house, like traps. Dean is torn between his stupid wish to get stuck under one with Cas and pointedly avoiding them all like the plague.
Dean is having a brotherly argument with Sam that he’s started for no other reason than to entertain himself while he is waiting for Cas to come downstairs. He has memorized where every one of those things have been hanged, so he doesn’t get Sam’s smug smile, when Cas walks into the living room and stops to stand next to him.
“The first movie is simply—" he stops as the smug smile starts to scare him, “Why do you look at me like that, Sammy?”
Sam doesn’t say anything, but just points somewhere above him and Cas.
Dean realizes where he’s standing, and he knows what Sam means without even glancing up, but he still does.
“No”, Dean states as he looks back down on his brother on the couch. Eileen next to him is holding a giggle. Dean’s happy Jo and Charlie are somewhere outside.
“Don’t be a wuss, Dean”, Sam teases.
“No”, Dean repeats, and points a finger at Sam, “Just because you need a trap to get Eileen to kiss you, doesn’t mean I have to take part in your stupid games.”
“Dude, it’s a kiss”, Sam laughs, ignoring Dean’s joke, “Sure you’ve done that before.”
But that’s the thing: they haven’t, because they aren’t actually together, and Dean’s starting to regret that he was selfish enough not to correct his family about this, because a few innocent touches, that Cas actually reciprocates are cool, but a kiss is a whole another thing, and Dean can’t just kiss the guy.
Dean turns to look at Cas for support. He’s already facing him and has been quiet during all this. He has this soft look on his face and Dean wants to kiss him so badly.
And for a second Dean seriously thinks he should just go for it, test the boundaries of this fake relationship they’re having, but he chickens out.
Dean’s ready to tell Sam to fuck off and then leave himself, but suddenly there’s a hand on the side of his face, fingertips grazing his cheek and Cas, leaning in slowly, and Dean sucks in a breath and manages to close his eyes just in time.
The touch of Cas’s lips against his is brief and gentle, something you could easily miss if you blink, but it still manages to set a fire in every nerve ending in Dean’s body. It would be embarrassing, if Dean wasn’t busy melting the last bits of his brain that’s still left inside his skull. Cas leans back a bit, but he lingers in Dean’s space, blue eyes glued to his, so bright and beautiful, and before Dean can stop himself, he’s licking his lips quickly, and just to return the gesture and nothing more, Dean presses his lips against Cas’s, with a bit more pressure to it, but still gentle.
They stay close to each other after and Dean notices he’s brought his hand to Cas’s arm, but he can’t make himself to remove it.
Cas gives him a smile so beautiful it takes all of Dean’s willpower to hold himself from kissing the hell out of that smile.
“Wow”, Sam deadpans, “That was so sappy I think I’m gonna puke.”
Dean turns to glare at Sam, but he’s secretly happy for his brother to break the moment, because it was getting a bit too much for Dean to handle.
Cas is a scary good actor and it definitely felt too real.
“Yeah, well, if you behave, maybe Santa will allow you to finally get your first kiss”, he mock-smiles at his brother. He drops his hand from Cas’s arm before he continues, “We were going to the store, before you trapped us, so if you’ll excuse us, we’ll go now. You guys need anything?” he asks anyway.
Sam and Eileen shake their heads, and Dean heads towards the doorway, Cas following him.
-
The trip to the store goes by just fine, even though the kiss is a massive, silent thing hanging between them. They grab the things Bobby sent them to buy, Dean grabs some beer, and the first conversation between them happens at the small candy aisle.
“Should we get some snacks?” Dean asks while he browses through the store's selection of sweets, “We could watch a movie tonight.”
“If we’re watching a movie, I want popcorn”, Cas states. Dean has consciously avoided looking at Cas after the moment under the mistletoe, but now he can’t not look at him with his trademark ‘are you fucking serious’ face.
“We always have popcorn”, he whines, “I want candy.”
“Popcorn is a typical movie food”, Cas argues.
“Says who? Live a little, Cas.”
“You always eat candy that’s in a wrapper”, Cas explains, “It’s loud, and then the wrappers are everywhere, and it’s just annoying.”
“Popcorn is boring—"
“Dean—"
Someone pops a bubble gum next to them, cutting them off.
“Jesus Christ”, a girl, who can’t be older than sixteen, sighs dramatically deep, looking at them both behind a very black and smushed eye makeup, “just get both and move on”, she says and reaches between them to grab a chocolate bar from the shelf, “You’re blocking the whole fucking aisle.”
“Choose something without wrappers”, Cas orders before turning around, probably to grab the popcorn from the other side of the aisle, leaving Dean and the girl staring after him.
“I’d listen to your boyfriend if I were you, he seems scary”, the girl says, blows another bubble and pops it.
-
Days go by quickly one after another, just binge-watching movies, cooking and baking, spending time outside when it’s not snowing too much and suddenly it’s Christmas morning.
Dean is laying on his side when he wakes up, slowly blinking awake. Cas is on his side too, facing him but still sound asleep, holding the blanket tightly around him, up to his chin, only his face and dark mess of hair visible.
The quiet sound of kitchen cabinets being opened, and plates being placed on the table is distant as Dean stares at the man sleeping next to him.
“Cas”, he whispers, when he starts feeling too creepy about the staring, “Hey, Cas”, he repeats a bit louder when the man doesn’t react. He gently shakes Cas from the blanket covered shoulder,
“Cas.”
That gets an annoyed sound out of the man, and he turns his back to Dean, wrapping the blanket tighter around him,
“No.”
Dean chuckles, “Dude, we have to get up.”
“No.”
“Come on”, Dean grabs Cas’s shoulder again, trying to make him turn around, but he resists, pulling back. He yanks surprisingly hard, and it makes Dean lean forward, suddenly he’s laying chest against Cas’s back.
Dean tries to ignore how good it feels, being pressed against him even with the blanket between them.
“It’s Christmas”, he says, and because Cas doesn’t push him away, he doesn’t make the effort to move either, “The others are already making breakfast.”
Cas ignores him.
“Caas…” Dean singsongs, hooking his chin on Cas’s shoulder, “It’s rude to sleep through the Christmas morning brunch.” It wouldn't be, really, everyone would understand but Dean just likes to annoy the grumpy burrito that Cas seems to be in the mornings.
Dean sways them a bit and starts his singsong again when Cas doesn’t answer.
“Stop”, Cas complains, “Just, stay still.”
Dean’s brain is doing its best to not think about how Cas said stay.
Instead, he just shakes Cas even more, “Not until you get up, grumpy.”
Cas groans and gives in, turning on his back. “Fine”, he grunts and places a firm hand on Dean’s chest, pushing him away. It catches Dean off guard and makes him fall off the bed with a loud thump, but after a second of confusion, Dean’s laughing, pushing himself up from the floor.
“Ouch”, he complains anyway, making a show of rubbing his pained ass, but Cas doesn’t even bother to look at him as he stands up and goes to his backpack to grab a pair of sweats.
“Don’t care. You deserved it.”
Dean throws his head back when he laughs.
-
The brunch is almost ready, the final bowls and plates of food being placed on the table as Dean and Cas finally arrive downstairs. Bobby and Ellen are focused on finishing up cooking something on the stove, but two couples are giving them pointed looks when they enter the kitchen.
“Sorry, we’re a bit late”, Dean says, a smile playing at his lips still, “His fault.”
Sam lifts his brows at his brother, “Do you realize your bedroom is just above the kitchen?” he points a finger towards the ceiling to make a point of it, “Maybe don’t have sex if you know we are all in the kitchen.”
Now that Dean thinks of it, his bed is awfully creaky. These people think they’re dating, of course they would make that assumption. Great.
Dean’s cheeks are burning as the others laugh at Sam’s words. Dean’s trying to come up with a good and funny comeback, but he can’t think of any, because all he can think about is that his brother thought he just had sex with Cas upstairs. And that sets off some adjacent thoughts he’s not going to go into when he’s having breakfast with his family.
So, he just sits down and settles for glaring at his brother. But he’s happy to notice that Cas is blushing a bit as well, so he’s not completely alone in this embarrassment.
-
Stomachs full of breakfast, the six of them make their way to the living room while Bobby and Ellen head out to find a Christmas tree. Dean rushes in first to get the best place on the couch, landing to lay there with a smirk on his face as the rest of them walk in behind him, rolling their eyes as Eileen and Sam take one of the arm chairs, and Jo sits on the floor to lean on the other chair, letting Charlie sit on it.
Since there’s no space left, Cas is left standing awkwardly in the doorway, an unsure look on his face.
Dean makes a gesture to invite Cas with him to the couch, planning to lift his legs to let the man sit on the other end, but when Cas is near enough, he just lays down on the small, empty space in front of Dean.
Sam turns on the TV and asks what they should watch but Dean’s too busy to take part in the conversation, because Cas’s back is pressed against his chest, and he has to actually hold the man in his arms to keep him from falling off the narrow space of the sofa.
The others end up choosing a movie that’s just started on some random channel, and Dean is doing his best to focus on it, but Cas falls asleep on his arms during the first fifteen minutes, and he fails miserably.
-
Dean annoys everyone during decorating the Christmas tree, up to the point where Bobby leaves the living room to get himself a beer. Ellen does the wise thing and stays out of it completely, but Sam and Jo try to put up with Dean’s habit of changing the places of the decorations the second someone hangs something up the tree.
“Sam puts all the golden decorations on the same spot, it looks stupid”, Dean whines when Sam pushes him further away from him as he tries to remove the decorations Sam’s just hung up.
“It’s like this every year”, Jo tells Charlie, Eileen and Cas, who follow the ongoing decoration from the couch. “I don’t understand why we let him be part of this process at all.”
“If you would look at it from a distance you can see it’s just off”, Dean waves a hand at the tree he’s now observing from a further away. He spots the way Jo’s hung up the tinsel, and rushes to grab it, “Just put it more evenly, you already have one here—"
“Cas, just control your man, please”, Jo calls Cas for help, trying to keep Dean at arm’s length from the tree.
Cas gives an evaluating look at Jo’s work, “But it is a bit uneven.”
“See, I’m right”, Dean says, pointing at Cas.
“Should’ve known he’s a perfectionist like Dean”, Jo rolls his eyes and looks at the others.
Sam sighs dramatically, “Can’t we just decorate this tree like normal people for once?”
“So, should I put it up like this?” Jo asks, looking at Cas, who nods.
Dean steps in to stand between their gaze, “Why do you ask Cas’s opinion, I just told you how to do it!”
“Because you’re an ass”, Jo deadpans, smiling to Cas over Dean’s shoulder, “Cas is new to the family, I want to give his opinion a chance.”
They manage to get the rest of the decorations in a way that more or less pleases all of them. Jo calling Cas family rings inside Dean’s head all the way to dinnertime, and he wishes so badly it would be true, that while Cas is his best friend and his family, he would be part of this family too, in a way they allowed everyone here to believe.
The rest of the Christmas Day goes as it usually does in their family. They eat so much they can’t anymore, then eat some more, sit together in the living room and exchange gifts at some point. There’s not really a strict schedule on their Christmas, which Dean loves. Studying, and working at the garage all year around, his favorite part about Christmas is the way everything just stops, his family comes together and he gets to annoy them and be annoyed by them so much it eases the moments he misses them like crazy.
Bobby and Ellen head off to Jody’s to take the pies Dean’s baked earlier, so that Jody and the girls can take them to the Christmas food sharing event they host every year.
The thing is really, Dean doesn’t want to run out of pie on Christmas, but he always makes sure he bakes too much, so that there’s enough for other families outside of his own, because if it was a thing, him baking for the event, Bobby would make him take them there himself and he doesn’t want the fuss of the thank yous and all.
It’s just pie, not world peace.
“It’s nice that you bake pies for people less fortunate than us”, Cas comments when Bobby and Ellen have left, and he’s doing dishes with Dean.
“I just always overestimate how much pie I can eat”, Dean shrugs and hands a plate for Cas to dry. “My stomach lets me down each year.”
Cas takes the plate and catches Dean’s eyes with his own. “With your math skills you should be able to calculate the right amount by now.”
Dean smirks because it’s easier than letting Cas see the real emotions he’s under while Cas watches him. “I guess I’m not that good.”
The way Cas looks at him reminds him too much of that time under the mistletoe, and his smirk falters a bit under the power of that look.
“I admire the way you always find ways to take care of the people around you, Dean.”
Dean swallows, preparing to say something, but Cas keeps looking at him like that, like he’s something special or whatever and his heartbeat gets faster as his brain processes Cas’s words, and he just keeps looking at him, and Dean needs the mistletoe above them again.
There are still dirty dishes in the sink.
He manages to find his signature smirk again, but it has softer edges than before. “It’s just pie, Cas.”
-
The evening goes by, and after Bobby and Ellen arrive back home, it’s time for one of Dean’s favorite family traditions of Christmas evening: getting drunk.
They have some beer in the fridge, what they could fit there with all the food anyway, and the rest of it is outside in the snow to stay cold. They sit together in the warm of the fireplace, cold beers in hand. Bobby tells them about the Christmas food sharing and how Dean’s pies were a hit, once again, and Dean tries to shrug it off. Luckily, they move on quite quickly to how Jody and the girls are doing, and people stop with the smiles and warm looks.
They play some cards after that, and the long day collects its first casualties when, after being already half asleep on the chair for almost an hour, Bobby pushes himself up and announces he’s going to bed. Ellen follows shortly after but doesn’t leave before telling the kids to keep it quiet or she would come back there and put an end to their party once and for all.
Jo waits for exactly one second after her mom’s disappeared behind the corner, before she gets up and rubs her hands together, and like a teenager, she asks:
“Okay, where Bobby keeps his booze?”
-
Dean has a drunken smile on his face as he leans his back against the couch, listening to some story Jo is telling, about a party she’s been, or maybe she wasn’t there and someone else was. Dean’s not so sure anymore, the way Jo tells her stories is way too messy for him this late at night. The alcohol has made his body warm, heavy and relaxed. They found Bobby’s booze stash and got drunk surprisingly fast when they switched the beers for liquor and started with the drinking games.
Never let Jo be in charge of the rules and think you can survive.
Sam is leaning in to give Eileen a kiss, that turns into a mini make out session, when the others are busy listening to Jo. They probably think they’re being really sneaky, but Dean makes loud, disgusted noise to get everyone to look at the couple.
“Stop being a horny drunk, Sammy, that’s disgusting”, he mocks, and Sam lets go of Eileen to shoot his brother a bitchface, to which Dean only answers with his best ‘annoying big brother’ smile.
“You’re one to talk”, Sam says, “You had sex above the kitchen this morning.”
Dean’s dumbfounded for a second, but Cas opens his mouth, getting everyone's attention with a snort.
“I wish”, he says, his drunken body splayed on the couch next to Dean. He takes a sip from his glass, rolling his eyes, “Dean was just being annoying.”
“Oh, burn”, Jo breathes, raising her glass to toast, “Castiel, I am a fan of yours already.”
Dean turns his whole body towards Cas and looks at him with his best ‘what the fuck’ face, but Cas just shrugs.
The others are laughing, and that’s the last straw, if they’re having fake fights in this fake relationship, he’s not going to be the one to fake lose them.
“Like you were up for anything.”
Cas’s eyes are challenging. “Could’ve been.”
“You wanted to sleep!”
Cas opens his mouth, but Jo cuts him off before he can say anything.
“Okay that’s enough, you can solve that out later”, Jo says, holding her hands up, “What’s the next game?”
“I need a refill”, Dean announces and stands up. Cas holds out his empty glass and Dean takes it, before heading towards the drinks table they’ve set up and pours some liquor on both glasses.
When he returns to the couch, he sits down a bit closer to Cas than before. Cas doesn’t seem to notice, or mind.
-
It’s almost four am when the six of them finally split into pairs and make their way to their respective bedrooms; Sam and Eileen into Sam’s old room, Jo and Charlie to the guest room and Dean and Cas upstairs to Dean’s room.
Dean’s starting to regret the last few drinks, especially the ones he’s poured for Cas, who’s currently leaning heavily against his side, struggling to get up the stairs.
“Dude, at least try to walk like a person”, Dean chuckles quietly, tightening his grip on Cas’s waist as the man hits his toes against a step again.
They make their way to the bedroom eventually, and Dean closes the door behind them. The room is dark without any lights on, but he walks Cas across the floor to the bed, where he lets him fall down on, legs hanging from the edge of the bed.
“Take your jeans off, you’re gonna regret if you sleep with them on”, Dean instructs as he removes his own. He’s struggling to stay up as well, but he’s proud he’s at least still able to stand up, unlike Cas who’s on his back, trying to fumble open a simple belt buckle.
He rolls his eyes at the sight, only because any other reaction to it would be inappropriate.
Dean tries to ignore the way Cas removes his own hands from the belt buckle when he sees Dean step closer, blue eyes watching him, waiting and inviting. He opens the buckle and the zipper as nonchalantly as he can, before taking a hold of Cas’s wrists and pulling him to a seated position.
“I ain’t taking those off for you”, he explains, because he’s too drunk and the comment Cas made earlier about them having sex is suddenly ringing in his head, and he’s too drunk to trust himself, but not drunk enough to just not give a fuck.
Dean slips under the covers while Cas struggles with the jeans that eventually come off, and he gets under his blanket as well.
They lay there in silence for a moment, both on their backs, staring at the dark ceiling. Dean can feel Cas against him, but it’s probably for the best. He’s too drunk to sleep on the edge of the bed and not fall off.
Cas sighs, smiling, “It’s nice.”
“Yeah”, Dean, still thinking about the weight of the other man against his side, “Wait, what is nice?”
“All of this.”
“Wow, that’s specific.”
“This”, Cas repeats, waving his hand towards the ceiling, “This holiday, this Christmas.”
“Yeah”, Dean nods, “The food’s great.”
“Your family is nice.”
Dean smiles. “Yeah, they’re good people.”
He tries not to get sad drunk, but it does feel bittersweet to know Cas likes his family, because these people are the most important people in Dean’s life and Cas liking them and vice versa is important to him, but at the same time it stings that Cas is not a part of it the way Dean wants more than anything.
“You’re good people”, Cas states in this drunken seriousness, when he sees Dean’s smile fading, and Dean has to chuckle.
“Baking pies was fun”, he goes on with the review they started, “even though you are even worse sous chef than Sam and he’s forever banned from pie baking.”
Cas laughs aloud and turns to his stomach. He struggles with it a bit with all the alcohol still in his system but manages to turn anyway. “Am I banned now too? From pie baking”, he clarifies when Dean’s brain doesn’t follow.
Dean does his best not to think about what his answer implies, and if Cas gets it, “No. I always give a second chance, so you can try again next year.”
“Okay”, Cas just says, smiling, “Today’s movie was good.”
“You slept through most of it!” Dean laughs. Cas sleeping in his arms had been nice, but he doesn’t say it out loud.
“My opinion is based on the opening credits and the ending”, Cas defends himself, “What a concept.”
Dean can’t hold in the loud, heartfelt laugh that bursts out of him because Cas is not making any sense, and the way he struggles with the words when he tries to sound convincing is hilarious.
“You joining me here was really nice”, he says, when the laughter fades away and only just tugs the corners of his mouth to a smile, because it’s his turn and he’s running out of things to say. His hand finds the small of Cas’s back, on its own and without Dean’s permission to sneak its way there.
Cas says the thing Dean’s wanted to say since they started this review in turns, his wide, drunken smile turning into almost a shy one.
“The kiss was nice.”
Something that shifted days ago, now changes completely.
Cas licks his lips, his eyes heavy with something as he stares at Dean and waits for his answer. Dean’s suddenly very aware of how close they are, the distance between them has gotten way much shorter since they first laid down on the bed. He’s aware of all the parts of his body that are touching Cas, from their toes, to thighs, to the hand still on Cas’s back.
Cas opens his mouth to say something, or maybe he’s just breathing, Dean’s not sure, but the fear of Cas regretting what he said, or thinking Dean doesn’t agree punches the words out of Dean’s mouth.
“Yeah”, Dean agrees, and his voice is rough, something heavy in his throat, “Yeah, it was.”
Dean drops his gaze to the other man’s lips just in time to see him lick them again, and he decides he’s just the right amount of drunk to go for it.
He notices himself leaning forward, he notices Cas leaning towards him and they meet in the middle.
The kiss under the mistletoe was nice. This kiss is something else entirely.
It’s open mouthed from the start, hot and slow, and nothing like Dean ever imagined it would be. Alcohol might play a role in the level of just how dirty Cas kisses, but the way it is a whole-body experience is crazy. And Cas is not even touching him, his hands are still trapped in front of him, against the mattress.
The kisses get more urgent and Dean pushes Cas gently on his back, throwing a leg over him, straddling him. The man under him lifts his head and Dean takes it as an invitation and places his lips on Cas’s neck, just below his ear, where he starts a trail of wet, hot kisses down the skin of Cas’s throat.
The stubble of Cas’s neck tingles at his lips and Cas’s hands, now wandering free on his body, setting a fire wherever they touch, going from his thighs to underneath his shirt. Cas needs to stop making the sounds he does when Dean moves his tongue on his skin, because they make Dean insane and unable to want to hear anything else ever again. He brings his lips back against Cas’s, who kisses him back like he was hungry for it. There are sounds against lips, Dean’s not sure which of the two of them is making them, but he doesn’t care, the sounds are low, obscene and full, and when Cas rocks his hips up against Dean, he realizes just how hard he is just from the kissing, they both are.
As absurd as it sounds, the realization of that, of all things, makes him stop, and pull away from the kiss. Dean stops the hands wandering under his shirt with his own.
“Wait, Cas, stop—"
Just a small shift on Cas’s expression manages to make him look so scared Dean is quickly correcting himself, “No, no, no, I mean”, he shifts his hands so that he’s holding Cas’s more properly, “Not that, no, I want to, Cas but—"
It’s embarrassing, it’s not like Dean doesn’t do casual hook ups, because he does, but not with Cas, with Cas it would be huge, it would be important and not something he’d want to do sloppily while drunk.
Not if Cas only wants to, when he’s drunk.
“Not like this, not while we’re drunk”, Dean finally finishes. “I can’t— but if you still want, later—"
“I do”, Cas assures quickly.
“Good. Raincheck?”
“Yeah”, the man under him says, but he’s managed to get one of his hands free and it’s already making its way under Dean’s shirt.
“Cas”, Dean chuckles, grabbing his wrist again, “I’m serious.”
“Yeah, me too.”
Dean rolls his eyes, trying to hold back a sigh as Cas rocks his hips a bit underneath him. He wants to, so badly.
“You’re a horny drunk.”
“I’m not drunk.”
“Dude.”
“I’m not, how would you know.”
“One look at you and I can tell because I—" Dean swallows, “I know how you look when you’re drunk.”
Cas rolls his eyes but smiles after to make sure Dean knows he’s joking. He makes a point of taking his hands off of Dean, and it takes all of Dean’s willpower to slide off of Cas, and back next to him.
He’s worried it will get awkward now that he stopped it like this, but then Cas is yawning, and it catches him too.
“We should sleep”, Dean says and Cas makes a sound of agreement, before crawling closer to Dean, who is already holding his arms open for him, like it’s the most natural thing in the world, like this wasn’t the first time they’re close like this. Cas settles in on Dean’s arms and they are both passed out in a second.
-
Cas wakes up laying on his stomach with a throbbing headache, feeling the cold sweat of the beginning hangover all over his body. His face twists with the pain as he lifts his heavy head from the pillow, to glance on his side only to find the bed next to him empty.
Cas rubs a hand over his face and through the mess of his hair, pushing himself up to sit. Dean’s nowhere in the room, and Cas has no idea what time it is. Or why Dean’s not there.
He doesn’t have any time to panic about that, when the door opens and Dean’s pushing it open with his shoulder, carrying a breakfast tray in his hands.
Dean’s surprised to find Cas awake already, the other man’s hunched, sitting form catching him off guard.
“Morning, sunshine”, he says, stopping awkwardly in the middle of the room for a second before crossing the floor to sit on the edge of the bed. “Breakfast?”
Cas shoots a hungover but loving gaze towards a big mug of coffee in the middle of the tray, because of course that’s the first thing he spots there. He takes the tray Dean offers and places it next to him, on the space Dean was sleeping on earlier.
Dean watches Cas as he grabs the coffee mug and takes a long chug of the drink, even though it’s probably still quite hot. He’s glad Cas keeps his eyes closed while he enjoys the drink, because it allows him to stare.
“Wow”, Cas comments, eyeing the tray full of food.
There’re toasts, eggs, fruits and all kinds of other things left from Christmas brunch Dean managed to find in the fridge. He loves cooking, but the fact behind the tray full of food is simply that he was panicking about last night and trying to avoid coming back upstairs for as long as he could, hence the fancy breakfast.
Cas doesn’t even eat breakfast.
What if Cas doesn’t remember last night? Even worse, what if he does and he wants nothing to do with Dean anymore?
Dean had wanted to smack himself. Why didn’t he just go through with it last night? Because if Cas never wanted to see him again, at least they could’ve had fun hooking up. From what he could tell just from the start of it, they definitely would’ve had a good time. Dean had almost burned the eggs on the pan when his mind wandered back to last night, and how Cas had felt underneath him, how eager he had been.
But, he had also been drunk enough to need help walking, so that could easily be something he’d regret now when he’s sober.
Dean’s fear must be painted all over his face, because suddenly there’s a warm hand holding his, and he turns his attention to the gentle look on Cas’s face.
“Thank you for the breakfast, Dean”, he says quietly, smiling a bit, “You didn’t need to.”
I wanted to, Dean wants to say, but he can’t bring himself to. He just stares at Cas, his hangover easing just by looking at the man in front of him, smiling at him.
This is so horrible.
Seriously, they should’ve just hooked up last night, they were both up for it, it would’ve been casual and fun, but no, Dean has to be so stupidly in love with the man he couldn’t do it, because he wants it to be right.
But this isn’t right, this is awkward, because he wants to ask Cas out, and he doesn’t know how.
Cas is still holding his hand.
“It’s cool”, Dean says, and turns his gaze down to look at the hand in his for a moment, “I wanted to”, he chews his bottom lip a bit, studying Cas’s hand as if he would find the right words for this moment from his skin.
“If you would be up for it”, he starts, looking up at Cas’s blue eyes, “It could be a thing that happens, me making you breakfast.”
That was not smooth, but Cas is definitely holding back a smile, Dean’s pretty sure of that, so he continues.
“You know, after we wake up together”, he clarifies, clearing his throat, “from, going to the same bed together the night before?”
The man in front of him is biting his bottom lip a bit from keeping himself from smiling, because he knows what Dean’s asking, or desperately trying to ask, and it’s already lifting some of the tension off Dean’s chest.
What Dean forgot is that Cas is a little shit. He looks like he’s seriously considering something.
“It would have to be a really good breakfast.”
Dean is using all his willpower to not grab the glass of orange juice on the tray and pour it on Cas’s head.
“You don’t even eat breakfast on a normal morning.”
Cas places the coffee mug carefully on the tray and lifts a finger, “Also, can I just ask a follow up question: would you always bring it to the bed? See, I enjoy a slow morning and a breakfast in bed would--”
“You’re an asshole.”
“Dean, I’m just—"
“No, the deal’s off”, Dean deadpans, pulling his hand away from Cas’s, “You lost your chance.”
It’s really hard for Dean to keep his serious face when Cas starts laughing, the sound of it soothing something inside him, like it always does when he gets to hear Cas laugh. He plays his role and gets up, pretending to leave, but Cas grabs his hand, pulling him to sit down again.
Cas stops laughing and just smiles at Dean’s grumpy expression.
“You’re an ass”, Dean repeats. “The deal’s off.”
“Is it back on if I promise to bring the dessert?”
Dean frowns, confused for a second. Cas lifts his brows, licking his lips.
Oh.
“Okay, so, breakfast in bed.”
“Or on the table, I don’t mind”, Cas says so casually like he was actually talking about just breakfast. The memory of last night makes Dean lean forward and press his lips against Cas’s, his hand coming up to cradle the side of his face, feeling the stubble against his fingertips like he was studying it.
The hangover definitely dampens the mood of the kiss compared to the ones last night, but that’s not the point, this kiss is perfect in a different way, with a bad morning breath and a promise of something starting.
There’s just one thing still nagging in Dean’s head, not leaving him alone, making his cheeks burn even to think about it, but it’s something he has to address now.
He breaks from the kiss, but stays close to Cas, who seems confused why he broke it.
“Just one more thing”, he starts, suddenly embarrassingly nervous, “What I have in mind is more than—I can’t do casual, not with you, I’m—" he stops, before adding the thing that scares him the most:
“I’m saying this to give you an out, if you want.”
Dean’s not a fan of how embarrassing and scary it seems to be in love, and he’s really realizing it now, but Cas grounds him with just a look. “Dean”, he starts and takes a moment to consider how to say next. Not what, but how.
“I am yours, I have been for a long time, if you’ll just have me.”
It should sound ridiculous, and it does, given that they just started dating like two minutes ago, but it doesn’t, not really, because it’s Cas, and for him it’s even worth to be embarrassed and a little scared sometimes.
“Good”, Dean breathes out and lets go of something he didn’t even realize he was holding inside, “Good.”
Dean ends up eating most of the food from the tray, because Cas rarely eats any breakfast apart from too many cups of coffee, but it’s okay, because they sit side by side, leaning against the headboard of the bed, suffering the gentle hangover that gets easier by the time it’s time for dessert.