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He was in the library when he found it. As spring had finally begun, Pennyworth had decided to clean the entire manor, and he, not one to be useless, had volunteered to help. Damian used to have servants to do things like that in Nanda Parbat, but he found that he quite enjoyed the feeling of completing chores with the butler. He was uncertain of Pennyworth's location at the moment.
A lot of the work in the library was dusting. Todd was usually the one who spent the most time here, but he was not at the manor at that time. His father also frequented the area, but he usually only did when the older Robin was already in the room. Other than them, no one really went inside unless it was necessary for a case. Damian's own books were stored safely in his room where they would not be touched by the imbeciles that were his siblings.
The duster itself was amusing. It was like a big feather on a stick. Damian made quick work of most of the dusting, even climbing on furniture to reach areas he otherwise would not be able to, and soon enough, he found a small crevice between a bookshelf and a wall. It wasn't a large one by any means, but dust would still be able to find its way in.
He shoved the feather duster in and moved it around a bit before reaching all the way down and cleaning the bottom surface. A small book fell onto the floor.
Who was stupid enough to put a book there? It would be very difficult for anyone else to find. Perhaps whoever was reading it last didn't want anyone else to find it?
He bent down, picking up the fallen book. It was bound in leather, and it too was covered in dust. The book was obviously forgotten for a long, long time. There was no title on the book, so he flipped open to the first page. It was handwritten.
B said that writing in one of these could be helpful. I don't understand how. No one but me will ever see this, and I already know what I'm writing in here.
It was a journal. Damian scoffed. He completely agreed with the author of the entry; how could writing down your feelings help in the slightest? It won't fix any problems. It wouldn't make anything better. It just leaves a paper trail that someone, like Damian, could one day stumble upon.
How careless.
He flipped to the next entry.
B is letting me be Robin now! He says I need to do about six months of training first, and he wants me to be at a healthier weight. I lived on the streets for years with little food though; I'd be able to handle it just fine. But I'm excited!
This must be his Ahki's, Todd's, journal. He was the only Robin who was ever once a street rat. Damian yawned slightly, bored with the writings of a young child.
I met Dick today. He and Bruce don't get along well.
He grimaced, having heard of how strained the relationship between his father and Richard used to be. It was definitely better than it once was, but Damian doubted it would ever return to how it was when Grayson was younger, when he was Robin.
I don't think Dick likes me. What did I do?
Damian flipped a few pages deeper into the journal, not really wanting to hear any more about his siblings' drama with each other. He had seen enough of their silly competitions in his own time.
Dick brought a friend home today. His name is Roy, and he's a lot nicer than Dickhead is. I didn't get to spend much time with him though. Dick didn't want me hanging out with them.
Enter Harper, Damian supposed. He did not like the archer very much. Harper was loud, brash, and he thought he was funny when he really was not. Todd spent a good portion of his time with the other man nowadays, so clearly, Grayson was not separating them anymore. He didn't think the elder would since Grayson had changed a lot since Todd was younger.
Roy went away today. That makes me sad. I don't know why; after all, I didn't get to talk to him much. I still miss him though.
I should probably describe Roy. He has the brightest hair I've seen in a long while. He's a lot taller than I am, but that will change soon if I have anything to say about it! He is very nice to look at.
Damian gagged a bit. Ahki had had a crush on Harper. He didn't see why; if anything, Harper would have been even more immature when he was younger. It must have been only a temporary crush. Other children (not Damian, no, never him) had very sensitive heart strings. Todd must have attached himself to the archer because he was roughly his age and treated him nicely. Damian did not think Todd had any school friends.
He skipped another few pages.
I miss mom. She died a few years ago today. B took me to the cemetery, and I brought her some flowers. It rained hard though. Good. Nothing deserves to look pretty right now.
Damian had not been aware of how deep Todd's attachment to his mother went. He did not often speak of her. In fact, Damian had always thought that Ahki didn't really like her that much. Whenever she was brought up, Todd would not look happy. His mother was much better than Catherine Todd.
He turned a few more pages.
I got to team up with Roy today! Well, there were a few other people there too, but I like Roy best. Dick was away as well, so I actually got to speak to him! I hope Roy likes me. A lot of the others did not. They think I took Robin from Dick, but that's not true, is it? Dick hadn't been Robin for a while when I got the mantle.
Ironic. Todd himself had replaced Richard, and he shit on Drake over it years later. Not that Damian cared.
It's fun to watch Roy practice shooting arrows. His arms are very strong, and the face he makes when concentrating is really nice.
Damian felt like vomiting. He didn't want to hear about Todd's silly childhood crushes, but he read on anyway.
Alfred and I made cookies today. It was a lot of fun! He even gave me my own apron and everything, and it had Wonder Woman's insignia on it! I love it here. It is a lot nicer than the other places I have lived in.
We made gingersnaps. They had never been my favorite cookies in the world, but they are now. Alfred's recipes are magic.
Damian didn't have much to contemplate regarding this entry. It wad fairly normal by his Ahki's standards. He had always loved being in the kitchen, and he would try to spend as much time with Pennyworth as he physically could. He didn't visit often; Todd often found that the manor brought up too many bad memories from the past.
Roy tried to teach me how to shoot an arrow. I'm not very good at it, but he said I did a good job! He gave me a hug too. That was nice.
His eye twitched. It seemed as though Harper reciprocated? Had he asked Father for permission to be close to or court his Ahki?
Bruce is mad at me again. I don't know why. He seems to think that I killed Garzonas, but I didn't! I really didn't do it. I hate how Bruce is blaming me for that shit. He didn't listen to me at all! And now, he thinks I am a liar. I've lied about many things over my life, and God damn it, this is not one of them.
Damian had heard this story before. His father had said that Todd had murdered Felipe Garzonas by pushing him and letting him fall to his death, but why would he feel the need to lie in his personal journal? No one but him would ever see it, so he would feel free to speak honestly.
So what his Ahki was saying must be the truth. He really hadn't killed Garzonas, and Father hadn't bothered to check. He let his anger take over and didn't listen to Todd. Damian felt a strange feeling, one of disappointment, towards his Father.
Bruce told me that I wasn't his son today. Why did he even take me off the streets if he felt that way? Was I really just a charity case?
I have always had shit luck with parents. I'll just have to look for another one.
Damian grimaced. He had been around his Father for long enough to know that he did truly care for Todd and thought of him as a son, but why would he say this? Had he been trying to upset his Ahki? Punish him in some way?
Being disowned was a horrible thing. It was one of the most shameful acts a person could do; they were basically saying that their child wasn't good enough, that they didn't believe in their future.
His Father wouldn't do that, at least not to him. Perhaps Todd was a different story. He scowled. It shouldn't make a difference which person was in question; it would have hurt Damian a lot if he had been on the receiving end of those words. He couldn't believe that his Father would do that, and he knew it was true. Todd had no reason to lie in these writings.
He skipped forward, finding the very last entry.
I found out who my birth mom is. I think I'm going to go find her. I don't think B will care what I do; he's still mad at me. He said that I wasn't his son.
I told Roy about it too. He's mad at Bruce now, but he doesn't want me to go looking for my mom. He says he has a bad feeling about it, but what could possibly go wrong? She's my mom. It isn't like she is going to hurt me.
She's in Ethiopia right now. Her name is Sheila Haywood. Roy hugged me hard last time I saw him, and he kissed me on the cheek too! It wasn't like I was saying goodbye forever though. I wonder why he did that.
Oh. That's why it's the last entry. Damian threw the book on a nearby table and grimaced. Sometimes, he forgot the circumstances surrounding Todd's death.
But Harper had kissed Todd? Damian doubted that their father was asked first; people in Gotham did not take that tradition very seriously.
He had defiled his Ahki! That was unacceptable, and now, they worked together a lot. Who knows what sort of things they were doing together without their father's permission?
Damian would put a stop to this.