Chapter Text
It was a cool Halloween night and Remus and Sirius were relaxing with a flagon of butterbeer, legs tangled on the couch in their little London flat. The day had gone by quickly enough and Remus was looking forward to a calm evening. Today had been a bit of a break in the chaos that was this war and he wanted to sit in this respite as long as he could. To just exist in this moment of peace, of just the two of them together. These moments were hard to come by, lately. Tension seeped from the war until it stained him, oily and slick and impossible to scrub clean. Just thinking about it tightened Remus' muscles and he had to consciously take a deep breath and another pull from his pint and force himself to relax. To enjoy this.
“Sirius!” a woman’s voice whispered frantically from inside Sirius’ robe, breaking the mood, “Sirius!”
Remus and Sirius shared a look. Sirius quickly pulled out a small, round mirror from his pocket. James had given it to him back in Hogwarts so that they could always talk to each other. But this wasn’t James’ voice now. Remus felt a chill swirling in his veins that had nothing to do with the butterbeer.
“Lily? What’s wrong?” Sirius said.
“He’s here! Sirius, he’s here! He’s found us!”
“Merlin’s beard” Remus swore, leaping to his feet and quickly conjuring a patronus as Sirius desperately tried to talk to Lily. “Meet at the Godric’s Hollow church. They’ve been found. Go!”
The silvery translucent wolf nodded its head before splitting into multiple copies and running in different directions. Remus couldn’t think of the address. Couldn’t say it out loud from the Fidelius Charm protecting its residents. He knew where they lived, though. He could say the town and a place close-by to bring help to them. The Order of the Phoenix would be fast. They had to be.
“I’ve summoned the Order, Lily, help is coming-”
“NO!” She shrieked. The mirror lit up green with a flash. “James!”
“Get out of there, Lily!” Sirius yelled, “Apparate here!”
Lily’s mirror dropped to the ground and Remus felt his heart fall with it. All they could see was the dimly lit ceiling with its glowing, tiny, little painted stars enchanted to look like the dog star constellation. Harry’s room.
“Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!”
“Stand aside, you silly girl…stand aside, now…” A shrill voice hissed.
“Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead– Not Harry! Please…have mercy…have mercy…”
Remus and Sirius apparated out of their flat, racing to Godric’s Hollow as Lily screamed.
They arrived at the little cottage in Godric’s Hollow quickly, but it was immediately clear that they weren’t quick enough. Remus’ stomach flipped. A large hole in the side of the upstairs outer wall revealed what he knew to be the inside of Harry’s bedroom. It gaped like a mouth. Like a soundless scream.
“No!”
“JAMES!” Sirius yelled, running straight inside. Remus swore and ran after him. Members of the Order would be arriving by the church soon. They’d have back up. Mad Eye, at least, knew the location of the house. The battered but brilliant auror could join them himself even if he couldn’t bring others. They'd have back up soon, they would. They had to.
James lay across the floor of the living room and Remus could almost pretend that he was sleeping. Sirius dropped to his knees beside him and carefully replaced the glasses that had fallen off of James’ nose.
“James?” Remus asked uselessly.
If he had not already been crying, the scream that tore from Sirius’ throat would have assured it.
“Get up, James, damn you. Don’t you do this.”
“Sirius. He’s-” Remus could not make himself finish the sentence. “Merlin, no, look: his wand is on the couch.”
“Why wouldn’t you have your wand, you brave, bloody idiot? What did you think you were doing?”
Remus couldn’t stand it anymore. He could feel the walls trembling, or maybe that was just him. He didn't think he cared which it was. But maybe, just maybe Lily had escaped. She could have done it, could have apparated away while they were on their way. She had to have. He pulled himself from Sirius’s side and ran up the stairs.
“Lily!”
Lily lay unmarked on the ground, like her husband. Still. So still. Even from the open door he could tell that her body was wrapped protectively around Harry’s. She would guard her son, even in death.
“Oh, Lily.” Remus reached forward to close her eyes. He couldn’t bear to see the green without its spark of life. A whimper beneath her sent him reeling backwards. Carefully, so carefully he moved her limp arms, unwrapping them to better see the babe they covered. They were still warm. They were still. He couldn't bring himself to hope, couldn't bring himself to take another breath until he confirmed- until he saw for himself that-
Harry blinked up at him.
“Sirius!” Remus called. “Sirius!”
He could not wait for Sirius to join him. Remus gently lifted up the boy, clutching him to his chest. He could feel his heart beat. Feel the heat from his tiny body where it moved against him. “There now, Uncle Moony’s got you. You’re safe. You're so safe. I've got you, Harry. I've got you.”
Sirius was in the doorway when he turned. He seemed to not have words for once in his life.
“Harry’s alive.” Remus said. It was unnecessary, really, with the boy blinking up at him, unblemished save for a fresh scar that slashed across his forehead. In that same way, it was totally necessary. Wordlessly, Sirius took Harry from Remus and held him tightly in his arms. The small boy tucked his head beneath Sirius’ chin and nestled in closely. Safe. Harry was safe.
Remus and Sirius walked out of the house slowly, as if fighting their way through thick mud that sucked at their ankles and threatened to stop them. They were unsurprised to see a good number of the Order of the Phoenix waiting there by the gate. Without anyone to protect, the Fidelius Charm had worn off and revealed the little house to everyone who might pass it.
“They’re dead.” Remus forced himself to say, knowing Sirius could not. He wrapped one arm around Sirius’ waist to steady himself. “He killed James and Lily.”
“It was Peter.” Sirius spat. “The rat was the rat all along,” His eyes met with Dumbledore’s evenly, “We changed Secret Keepers to him last minute. Double bluff. The bastard suggested it and we went along with it. Put me under Veritaserum if you’d like. How could I be so stupid .”
Remus tightened his grip around Sirius, who had begun to shake.
“I’m going after him.” Sirius with an evenness to his tone that Remus both envied and feared.
“ We’re going after him,” Remus corrected his partner. He scanned the crowd, “I just need-”
“I’ll take the lad,” Hagrid volunteered. “Me and Fang’ll watch over him ‘til you’re back.”
“Perhaps Mr. Lupin should stay with the child while Mr. Black searches.” Dumbledore suggested in an oddly intense voice, staring down at Remus through his half moon spectacles. Remus had the odd feeling of being a schoolboy once more, but grief numbed any shame that might bring him.
“No,” Remus insisted firmly, “Sirius stays within my sight tonight. I'm not- I can't. I stay with him."
The overlapping voices and quick movements around the cottage were pure chaos. Or perhaps it just felt that way to Remus, who was having a very hard time concentrating. James and Lily were dead. He knew it, but the information felt wrong, like his brain wanted to skip over it. The meaning of that statement felt slick, like he couldn’t get a firm grasp on it in his mind. What he did know, though, was the desperate need not to be separated from Sirius that night. They needed each other.
A loud pop of apparition startled everyone and took the lid off the argument that threatened to boil over, allowing it to settle into a simmer.
Frank and Alice Longbottom appeared by the church across the way, wrapped around each other with a screaming baby Neville between them.
“Shhhhh, now, shh it’s alright, it’s over now, my brave, brave boy,” Alice said, bouncing and soothing the babe while walking quickly towards the group with her husband.
“The bloody bastards came for us!” Frank said loudly, not reading the solemn mood of the group, “We only just saw them at the edge of our wards when your patronus came, Remus. Thanks for that. I think I hit Bellatrix, but we side-alonged out of there before I could check. I know we shouldn’t have apparated with Neville being so young, but I really didn’t want to stick around and see what was coming.”
“Frank…” Alice warned, looking up from Neville whose sobs had quieted down to a steady sniffle. She took in the solemn faces. Sirius trembling weakly. The baby in his arms. The tear tracks down Remus’ face. “The Potters didn’t get out in time, did they?”
Frank swore loudly. Remus tightened his grip around Sirius’ waist, tucking his wand into his robes to use both hands. This wasn’t the time. He could feel himself breaking apart. The nights where the moon broke his bones and ripped his skin hurt less than this. He had to stay steady now, though. For Sirius. He couldn’t give in to the pain and grief that threatened to overpower him. He had to hold on.
As if on cue, Sirius’ shaking intensified. It was a laugh. An awful laugh that bubbled somewhere out of his chest and crawled up his throat. It crackled through the still night, spreading a chill as cold as any Dementor’s kiss.
“Oh, Sirius.” Remus supported Harry, still wrapped in Sirius’ arms and helped guide his partner to the ground. Sirius could no longer stand, could not hold himself together. That was alright. Remus was there. He could hold Sirius’ pieces close when they threatened to shatter. He would deal with his own pain later. For now, Sirius needed him more. Sirius and Harry. The thought cleared his mind.
Harry’s alive. He reminded himself. Harry is alive. He wasn’t sure, though, if that were better or worse.
He held on tightly.