Chapter Text
It had not been an easy pregnancy for Mikasa. Hell, even that was putting it lightly. It had been one of the most difficult things she had ever experienced. Everyone Mikasa knew - Historia, Sasha, all the women in the village they lived near - had had a beautiful time, glowing as they carried their children. Even Sasha’s most difficult pregnancy, her fifth, had been nothing compared to this.
From the start, Mikasa had experienced extreme nausea, and had trouble keeping anything down. Refusing to be broken, she consulted with the village physician and Hange, and switched to a mostly liquid diet. Through trial and error, she discovered that she could keep creamy pork broth with a slice of bread down for long enough if she laid on the bed with her legs up against the wall and drank cold ginger tea immediately after.
As she entered the fourth month, something inside of her eased and her appetite returned with vigor. Unfortunately, the reprieve was short lived. Soon headaches, swelling, and blinding pain in her hips and lower back set in, in rapid succession. Historia sent one of her personal physicians, one who had recently returned from studying in Marley. Dr. Valess and Hange consulted with her as she rested in the large master bedroom of the villa she and Levi owned.
“Mrs. Ackerman, at this point I’m afraid that there is no treatment we can offer. All pain medication we have to give under normal circumstances are considered unsafe for pregnancy. The only thing that I can recommend is prolonged bed rest.” Dr. Valess reported softly. Mikasa nodded curtly, glaring at the ceiling. “Perhaps...Mrs. Ackerman, have you and your husband considered starting over?”
From his position looking out the window, Levi turned to glance at his wife. Mikasa didn’t move. Hange recognized the set of her jaw. She looked to Levi briefly before speaking slowly.
“Mikasa, if you drink the red leaf tea in the next few days, this pregnancy will terminate. We don’t know if this child will survive, or if you will for that matter. This could be the safest option we can offer...”
“Out of the question.” Mikasa said firmly. Hange traded a look with Dr. Valess.
“Mikasa,” Hange began, before she was cut off by Levi.
“Thank you for your time, Dr. Valess. Hange, that will be all.” Levi said, the finality in his voice clear. Hange sighed softly, but gestured to the doctor. As she closed the door behind her, she watched Levi sit next to his wife, raising her hand to his lips.
Behind the closed door, Levi set Mikasa’s hand down, bringing his own to gently cup her cheek. It had taken both of them a long time to come to the decision to try for a child. In the nearly ten years since the war had ended, Sasha and Conny had formed an entire tribe of six children, with a seventh due to arrive any day. Jean and Hitch had two of their own. Hange had informally adopted Gabi and Falco after the war, and although they were grown now, Levi knew that they counted on her as their mother.
Levi and Mikasa, however, had taken their time coming together. An abundance of fear, though neither of them would admit to it, had made them both slow to adjust to the new peace. They had lived near enough to each other to keep a sparring routine up. It made them both feel safer, knowing they would still be able to fight. Both had their gear packed away, but close enough to grab in an emergency.
There had also been grief. So much grief. For Mikasa, the weight of losing Eren and Armin had nearly crushed her. For two years, she did little except a brief daily walk and sparring twice a week with Levi. There were many days, though, where she had found herself unable to even get out of bed. She lost an unhealthy amount of weight, her skin became pallid, and her eyes were haunted.
Levi watched with concern as she struggled. After Eren and Armin, he knew that she counted him as her closest friend. The bond had formed during extensive training sessions as he had taken her under his proverbial wing. They learned to trust each other possibly more than any of the other soldiers. They were able to communicate silently in battle, and outside of battle they each felt more understood by the other than by anyone else. They were deadly, the only two Ackermans left standing. Naturally, she became a dear friend. So he watched and waited, doing what he could to ease her burden. More than once he had spent the night in her living room after cleaning and making sure she ate, too tired to go home.
One day, Mikasa realized it was easier for her to breathe than it had been the day before. Slowly, she began to emerge from her grief. She rediscovered the delight of the sun on her skin. She found joy in the flowers she saw around her cottage. She became more dedicated to sparring, and found Levi’s company more comforting. They traveled together to the forests to continue using their 3DMG, and to see their old comrades. They found themselves spending more time together than not.
It just happened. One day, with no preamble, she kissed him. Levi loathed cliche, and he knew that Hange would squeal with delight that her instinct about them had been correct. But as she slipped into bed with him, as he moved his hands over her body, as their lips met again and again with urgency and tenderness, as he slid into her and she moaned softly, her hips moving against his...he just couldn’t bring himself to care about cliche. He held Mikasa that night as she slept and vaguely wondered if anyone had won the over/under before chuckling softly and falling asleep himself.
Just like that, they were together; there were no prolonged, awkward discussions. Mikasa quietly moved her things into Levi’s slightly larger cottage. They decided they would build a larger home together. Within a few months, they hosted a small celebration for their wedding; only former comrades were invited, though Hange had argued they could have drawn a crowd to rival Historia’s wedding. At the time, Sasha had just had her third son.
“I’m going to keep going until I have a girl.” Sasha declared to Mikasa, though she gazed at her newborn boy in delight. “I’ve told Conny already.”
Still, they weren’t sure if the peace would last enough for children. That night, the first in the villa they had built near the sea, they agreed that Mikasa would continue to take the tonic that prevented children, until they were both sure they were safe. They both knew peace was a fragile thing, and perhaps they both thought that they didn’t quite deserve the happiness they had found in each other; when would the other shoe drop?
It took another six years before they were comfortable. Hange was still involved in diplomacy, and would frequently visit to assure them that the peace was stable. The world had had enough of titans. Levi was fast approaching 45, though he didn’t look or feel it, and he didn’t want to be an old man when he became a father. He was worried enough already.
“You’d better not fucking die on me, brat.” He murmured, stroking her cheek. She frowned.
“I think you know me better than that.”
“Did you give any real consideration to their proposal, or are you just being stubborn?” Levi asked. Mikasa’s eyes closed slowly. She gathered her thoughts slowly, breathing steadily.
“This could be our only chance, Levi.” She replied.
“Tch. You have no way of knowing that.”
“You don’t either. I don’t want to gamble. And I believe everything will be alright. I can handle the pain and discomfort. This baby is the most precious thing to me. To us. I will protect her.”
Levi’s eyebrow quirked. He was smart enough to know that she had no way of being sure she was carrying a girl. He was also smart enough to know that there was no arguing with Mikasa. He could only help her move forward.
Mikasa’s life took a rather odd turn to the uneventful in her remaining months. After years of activity, first in the war and later for personal benefit, the most difficult thing for her was the boredom. She found ways around the physical symptoms; when a headache came on, she knew to close the curtains and call for a cup of chamomile tea. Levi’s tea houses imported tea from all over the world, so he ordered a large supply to keep on hand. He would bring the cup to her along with fresh mint leaves from their garden. She found that sipping the tea and chewing the mint was enough to calm the storm in her head for long enough that she could drift into sleep. Usually, Levi would stroke her hair or hold her hand as she slipped into unconsciousness.
As her calves and ankles swelled, and the pain reared its ugly head, what seemed like a thousand fluffy pillows took up residence with her on the bed. Her feet were propped up as needed. She slept on her side, with pillows propped behind her, in front of her, and one or two between her knees. Mikasa wasn’t honestly sure where Levi slept, with a mountain of pillows and her growing belly taking up most of the bed, but each morning she woke up to him beside her, an arm wrapped over her stomach. He still struggled with insomnia, and more often than not he was already awake.
They both recognized that they were fortunate she was at least able to eat. She gained the required weight, and her belly grew. Historia sent a small army of midwives to stay, and ordered Dr. Valess to stay as well. Hange visited when she could, always bringing a new herb or medicine for Mikasa to try based on her travels, though none worked. Dr. Valess and the midwives would take turns trying gentle massages. Levi observed quietly, and soon he was the only one capable of easing the pain.
Levi rarely left the bedroom these days, typically only to oversee things in the kitchen. He moved the contents of his desk from his office to their room so he could work there, writing letters to the managers of his tea-houses. He sent staff into the cities to look for rare books for Mikasa to read, and went out himself to find the best drawing supplies available in Shiganshina. But still, most days, she stared longingly out the window, waiting to be free.
She did not regret her decision, though. Despite the pain, the discomfort, the boredom, she found pleasure in certain aspects. She loved feeling the baby move inside of her. She loved seeing the wonder in Levi’s eyes when he first felt a kick. She loved knowing that she could provide a safe place for her child. She reveled in the knowledge that her body was still strong enough to endure this.
Mikasa wasn't even the one who noticed that her water had broken. She had been having false contractions for two weeks at this point, so she didn’t think anything of the pains she felt that night as she tried to sleep. Levi, ever the light sleeper, woke her in the early morning. She blinked up at him, bleary eyed, wondering what the issue was. She slowly came to realize that the bedding around her was wet. She blushed, at first convinced that she had unintentionally urinated.
"I've already called for the doctor." Levi said softly, helping her stand so he could strip the bed. It was only then that she remembered that this was supposed to happen, this was a part of the process. Levi moved quickly and efficiently, setting down the bedding and towels that had been provided by the midwives in preparation, helping Mikasa into a new, clean, oversized nightgown. He paused for a moment at her stomach, caressing her belly in his large hands, before a knock at the door interrupted him.
"Come in." He called, letting the nightgown fall down to Mikasa's knees. He put a hand on her cheek and offered her a rare smile before he kissed her. It was too brief for Mikasa's liking, but a grabbing pain in her pelvis and back brought her back to the task at hand. Dr. Valess and two midwives, Johanna and Lilja, entered the room as Levi helped her back into the bed. Mikasa closed her eyes, centering herself.
The pregnancy had been hell, but the delivery was as straightforward as it could be. Labor lasted most of the day, but went smoothly, with no complications. Afterwards, Johanna told her it had been the easiest first birth she had ever witnessed. Levi said very little, but wordlessly provided her with whatever she needed. It reminded her of being back in the corps, oddly enough. They communicated through glances and small gestures. Between contractions, Levi would press his forehead to hers, his blue-gray eyes piercing through her, centering her. You can do this. I’m proud of you. Breathe.
Mikasa had been right; it was a girl. A beautiful, pink, wrinkled, screaming baby girl. She cried from the start, not keeping her parents waiting. Dr. Valess clamped the cord and Levi cut it, privately thankful that he was involved in this small way. Lilja wrapped the baby in the waiting blanket and handed her to Mikasa for the first time.
Levi watched as his wife took their daughter in her arms for the first time. Mikasa stared into her face, memorizing every detail. She felt Levi move to sit next to her again, his eyes never leaving them. He was determined to give her this moment, however long it would last; she had fought and suffered for this, and he would give her the time she wanted. Mikasa wasn’t sure when she had started crying, but tears streamed down her face as she finally looked up to her husband. She smiled, and it was the most brilliant thing Levi had ever seen. Mikasa shifted, moving to hand the baby to Levi.
The first thing he noticed was that she had blue-gray eyes, exact copies of his eyes, of his mother’s. She had fine black hair, which felt indescribably soft as he ran his hand gently over her head. Levi felt overwhelming pride. Pride in his wife, who had been so brave. Pride in the life they had built together after so much suffering. Pride in the precious bundle he held in his arms, pride in the woman he knew she would grow up to be. He knew instantly that this little girl already had him wrapped around her tiny finger.
Mikasa watched tenderly as Levi fell in love with their daughter. She was exhausted, of course, and she barely noticed that Dr. Valess was still working between her legs. Soon though, she felt a strange tug and a brief cramping sensation. She looked down to find the doctor finally pulling away, carrying something with him. Johanna took his place and soon, Mikasa felt a cooling sensation spreading.
“Dr. Valess has removed the afterbirth, Mrs. Ackerman.” Johanna said quietly. “Would you like us to help you bathe?” Mikasa hesitated for a moment, looking to her husband.
“Like I would let anything fucking happen to her.” He said crossly, not even looking up. Mikasa laughed, at that moment feeling the ache and grime from the day. She nodded to Johanna, who moved to the opposite side of the bed to help her move. Mikasa’s feet hit the floor and she experimentally put some weight on them. She was definitely feeling the impact of months of bed rest, and the sudden change in her body’s shape was hard to get used to. Johanna and Lilja were consummate professionals, though, and stood on either side of her as she moved cautiously to the bathroom, their arms around her waist and shoulders.
Lilja helped Johanna get Mikasa into the bath, then left the room. Mikasa heard the quiet thumps of the mattress and realized that the bedding was being changed, for the second time that day. Johanna, meanwhile, moved surely around the bath, briefly massaging Mikasa’s shoulders and feet as she bathed her. After helping Mikasa stand again, Johanna rubbed aromatic herbs and salves on her body; the same cooling salve as before on her groin, something sweet and fragrant on her shoulders, something that felt strangely warm around her breasts. It felt wonderful, but Mikasa’s head was getting fuzzy with exhaustion and she had trouble concentrating on Johanna’s words as she helped Mikasa into a thick undergarment and another loose nightgown.
“We’ll leave plenty of these salves for you, with thorough instructions. I’ll go through the instructions with your husband, as well. Now, let’s get you back to that sweet girl.” Lilja returned to help Mikasa back into the bed, which she noted was dressed in clean and soft new sheets. Levi had not moved a muscle, still staring at the baby with reverence.
Before she knew it, Johanna and Lilja had settled her back into bed and propped one arm up on a pillow. Levi carefully deposited their daughter back into her arms, and stood back while Lilja opened a button on the nightgown they had put her in, freeing one breast. With very little coaxing, Lilja steered the baby’s mouth to Mikasa’s nipple. She gaped at the strange sensation.
“She knows exactly what to do.” Lilja said, satisfied. She could see that Mikasa was exhausted and near to sleep, so she directed her next words to the Captain (she knew he was no longer a captain, but his terrifying legacy made him worthy of the title for eternity in her mind). “We’ll still be downstairs should you need us though, sir.” Levi nodded, and they quietly left the room.
He was sure that Mikasa was sleeping; her eyes were closed, her shoulders relaxed. The baby was still feeding, and Levi watched her carefully to make sure she was still breathing. He moved quietly around the bed and carefully sat on the other side.
“We need to decide on a name.” Mikasa said, startling Levi, who’s keen eyes were still on the baby. He hummed in agreement. They had discussed it at length over the course of the pregnancy, but they had decided to save the final decision until they met her.
“What’s your favorite?” Levi asked, his hand running over the baby’s head again. He couldn’t stop himself. Mikasa opened her eyes lazily and looked into their child’s face again, finding that even the good memory she had of the sweet face was nothing compared to the real thing.
“Hana.” Mikasa whispered. The baby let Mikasa’s nipple fall out of her mouth, looking around in confusion. She yawned widely, her eyes starting to droop. Mikasa grinned at Levi, who returned a small smile. It seemed to Mikasa that she already knew her name.
“Hana.” He said in agreement. They kissed gently over the baby’s head, until Mikasa pulled back, her own eyes drooping. Levi reached over and transferred Hana back into his own arms as Mikasa’s eyes closed and she slumped down further into the fluffy bedding.
He stayed up most of the night, with Hana nestled in his arms. She woke once to eat, and Mikasa fed her with bleary eyes and then fell back asleep promptly. Levi changed the diaper with Lilja’s help, memorizing everything from the direction she wiped to the careful way she folded the fabric back together and pinned it. He watched Hana’s face, her expressions as she slept, her small limbs moving ever so slightly. He watched and watched until finally, sleep began to claim him.
As he set her carefully in the bassinet they had next to the bed, he realized that the Wings of Freedom had been stitched in the corner of her blanket. He wasn’t sure where it had come from, but he suddenly felt sure that it needed to be there. He dreamt that night of Hana playing in a field, surrounded by their friends, playing with Eren and Armin. Levi wasn’t much of a believer in signs, but he felt sure this was a good one.