Chapter Text
A stack of files sets itself down next to Xiao Zhan’s now tepid mug of hot coffee and his lagging, company-assigned work laptop. The plastic tag that spells out his name on the top right of the screen in rigid strokes is hanging on by the last of its adhesive abilities.
Xiao Zhan winces as another shift of the files nudges them into the tag, causing it to flop desolately onto his keyboard, like the last leaf falling from a dead, dead tree. There’s a pompous clearing of a throat directly behind him, and Xiao Zhan reminds himself to take in a breath and wear his most approachable face as he swivels around in his chair.
“Yes, Hao Yu?” Xiao Zhan raises his head to meet his direct line manager, Hao Yu, in the eye. Newly promoted Creative Directors are the worst, particularly if they enjoy lording their position over the only two exhausted creative employees employed under MXTX Stationery and Officeware, established in 2001.
The two creative employees being Art Executive Ji Li (who is missing as usual, and likely flirting with Business Development Executive Wang Zhuocheng by the copier), and Creative Executive Xiao Zhan (who is right at his desk as usual, with no one to flirt with).
“Boss wants these done in two days,” Hao Yu shrugs, as Xiao Zhan picks up and leafs through the folders with growing horror. That’s six marketing copies to push to Sales, and five more creative collaterals to pass on to Advertising that have to be completed by Thursday, and it’s already coming to the end of a busy Tuesday.
Xiao Zhan had been ready to pack and leave. He’d been staring mournfully at the slow-moving hand of the clock, counting down the minutes to walk out of the building. He has plans for tomorrow, after all. He’d cleared his work as expediently as possible – just so he could take leave to celebrate his thirtieth birthday, happy and away from the office at home alone.
With this much work, he has to come back to the office tomorrow, and hunker down in the office through tonight and tomorrow night. Likely, he can get Ji Li to stay back with him tonight, but it’s going to be a bit of stretch.
Ji Li’s conveniently leaving for a business trip that he managed to wheedle his way onto the whole of Wednesday. It’s surely so he can be an easy Creative department consult, and not because Wang Zhuocheng is leading the trip. Not at all.
Everyone has all their plans, including him, and somehow this disaster has fallen into his lap, neatly filed by category and colour type.
It’s also a little too nice that Hao Yu has forgotten that Xiao Zhan requested this one day to himself, this one day to quietly and peacefully bemoan how he hasn’t found a life partner at the ripe old age of 30.
Not to say that there’s anything wrong with that, but Xiao Zhan has always wanted that sort of thing. A partner to take care of him when he’s sick, or assemble a lunchbox and kiss him at the door before he leaves for work.
Somehow, along the way, through all the stresses of graduating, a stint at a small design company and now his second year working at MXTX Stationery and Officeware, he’d packed up that dream and left it to gather dust in the back of his mind.
“She- She assigned this to me specifically?” Xiao Zhan hears, more than feels himself say with a sort of out-of-body awareness that belies how his hands are shaking. He might just faint dead to the floor, or crumple, like the wadded designs in his paper bin.
He can’t possibly finish this all by himself, and Hao Yu knows it. He needs- he needs statistics from the Sales team to write good copies, and any creative assets he uses must be approved by the Product team. This is a week’s worth of work during a slow week, and it can push two if it’s a busy one.
“Not you, of course, you’re just an executive,” Hao Yu snorts derisively, ignoring how Xiao Zhan slumps back dejectedly in his chair. “I need you to help me because I’m going to be out of the office over the next few days.”
Xiao Zhan sits back up, attempting to keep a cordial smile on his face through his clenched teeth. He can’t believe Hao Yu took an off-day when he’d marked down tomorrow as his off-day a year early. There’s no way he didn’t see the shared calendar. And for him to be passing off his work to Xiao Zhan on such a short timeframe? He’ll be lucky if these rushed designs don’t pull down his performance review.
“But Hao Yu- do you remember I took the day off tomorrow? Wednesday’s- tomorrow’s my birthday, so I can’t finish this all when I come back on Thursday. It’s impossible.”
“Think of it as a challenge, Xiao Zhan. Let me see what you’ve learned in your two years here.” Hao Yu shrugs, swivelling back on his creaky office chair. “Ask someone for help, get collaborative, you know?”
Xiao Zhan’s palms clench into fists, but then he’s taking a deep breath and relaxing his shoulders. He needs this job. He can’t foot rent in Beijing without it, even the cramped one-bedroom apartment he has is too expensive.
That’s why he took up a corporate design job in the first place. His small design company wasn’t paying the bills at all. If he needs to fulfil his calling as a sleep-deprived office drone, at least he can be one that can afford to eat out at times or buy a new shirt when he needs one.
“Okay, I’ll try my best,” Xiao Zhan mutters, running a hand through his hair. He thinks he might want to cry a little. He’ll reserve it for an empty bathroom stall, or the space beneath his desk when everyone leaves at 6 pm.
“That’s the spirit we hired you for, Xiao Zhan,” Hao Yu exclaims, clapping Xiao Zhan on the shoulder, and turns back to his online shopping.
Xiao Zhan opens the first file with a heavy dread in his stomach. He flips through the rest and ascertains that yes, he’s going to have to go to the Sales team for the data. He shoots a text to Ji Li that earns an instant reply of “sorry, I’m helping BD out right now, they need some art for a new deck”, and decides not to be snippy in return.
Xiao Zhan scrubs a hand down his face and lets out another groan that Hao Yu ignores. What a terrible week, and what an awful birthday tomorrow is going to turn out to be.
“Are you okay, Zhan-Zhan?” There’s a sympathetic voice offered from across the aisle, and Xiao Zhan looks up to see Xuan Lu from Finance giving him and his stack of folders a pitying look.
That’s the benefit of an open office floor plan – your colleagues can be firsthand witnesses to your every breakdown.
Xiao Zhan gives her his best smile and a thumbs-up, and Xuan Lu nods slowly before turning away to type something into a calculator.
Xuan Lu is a really nice and pretty coworker – someone Xiao Zhan’s mum would want him to bring back over the new year. She’s funny and charming and beautiful and anyone would want to be with her in an instant. He’s not exactly sure why Xuan Lu isn’t with anyone, especially since she’s exceedingly popular even in the office.
Thoughts of Xuan Lu flee his mind as a loud shout sounds from the main office door that has everyone spinning in their chairs – Jackson Wang, the newest Sales team hire is hooting in the doorway as he sweeps a hand dramatically towards the door.
“Everyone – guess who just closed us another big deal with Wajijiwa?” Jackson starts doing a whole body shimmy, and Xiao Zhan hides a giggle behind his hand as the other Sales representatives give him a closed-lipped smile and rolled eyes. “That’s right, it’s our Sales star Wang Yibo!”
He jumps aside to reveal a pained-looking Wang Yibo – the pride of the Sales team for two years running and the all-time favourite of Ms Mo herself. Immediately, the Sales team breaks into whoops and hollers, a frenzy of congratulations that spread across the office floor.
Both he and Xiao Zhan had come in at the same time, gone through employee induction, and then were immediately separated by the half wall that partitions Creative and Finance from Sales and Business Development. Those days were a little blurry, but Xiao Zhan still remembers how Yibo had tried to make a joke to make Xiao Zhan laugh, and had brought him a coffee and a napkin on their second day.
So, Wang Yibo isn’t just another figure-chasing, self-entitled Sales jerk.
He’s really popular in the office, and handsome to boot, and he has the type of face that has every office lady and man tripping over themselves to ask him out to lunch, or to chummy up to him. Though Yibo doesn’t seem to like the attention all that much, answering with awkward smiles and winces - he’s still the office favourite during Qixi, with presents and handwritten notes piled up on his desk.
Which is fine. It’s okay.
It doesn’t bother Xiao Zhan that the only times Yibo has talked to him or even noticed him was during their first few days in the office, when he was forced to bear Xiao Zhan’s company. Or that he’s never sought Xiao Zhan out for a meal, or to get to know him further. Not that Xiao Zhan can claim he’d attempted the same either.
Xiao Zhan supposes a cup of coffee is where Yibo’s interest in him had started and ended. And that’s alright. He doesn’t need the attention either way. It’s enough with Hao Yu breathing down his back, and he doesn’t want to garner any ill-will from anyone who’s set their sights on Yibo.
He’s suddenly quite grateful for the half wall dividing them. Who knows how Xiao Zhan would have managed to embarrass himself if he hadn’t been stopped by such an upright, physical obstacle? Yibo probably doesn’t even remember his name.
Xiao Zhan raises his hands to give Yibo sincere applause – he knows Yibo is an incredibly considerate and hard worker, first through the office doors and leaving the office last. He always beats Xiao Zhan to the lifts and the door no matter how early Xiao Zhan arrives to work for an urgent copy or design, holding it open with a nod as Xiao Zhan steps through. It’s almost uncanny.
Yibo steps into the office, ducking his head at cheers and waving them away with a grateful smile. As he passes by the sad, small stack of files known as the Creative department, he meets Xiao Zhan’s gaze and holds it, an unreadable expression on his face.
Xiao Zhan freezes at the weight of Yibo’s intensity, dipping his head as he lets a shy smile paint his lips. He raises his clasped hands as if to say – Yes, I’m clapping for you, Wang Yibo.
Yibo’s eyes widen as if he’s suddenly been struck with lightning, his whole body going rigid, and Xiao Zhan can only blink in surprise as Yibo looks away and strides hastily back to his table.
“Okay, back to work everyone,” Hao Yu calls out nasally, as if he is the one burdened with a hopeless task.
Xiao Zhan almost wants to knock him on the head with a file. The temptation comes and passes with a flex of his fingers, and he settles for helplessly sinking into his office chair. Ji Li steps back over to their shared desk with a side glance and pulls a face at Xiao Zhan, who laughs at him.
As everyone slowly opens their laptops, Xiao Zhan puts any thoughts of Wang Yibo’s strange behaviour out of his head.
Wang Yibo being flustered, and over him? The same suave Yibo who has actual hobbies out of work like skateboarding and hip-hop dance? The same charismatic Yibo who charms everyone at business lunches like he was born to encourage purchases and investments?
Over Xiao Zhan, who has no known hobbies other than sleeping, feeding Jianguo, and sometimes singing himself to tears in a karaoke booth? That same Xiao Zhan?
Yeah, right.
==
“Hey, Xiao Zhan, are you okay?”
There’s a familiar voice calling Xiao Zhan out of drowsy slumber.
“Hmm?” Xiao Zhan raises his head from where he’s been resting them on his arms. His glasses now sit crooked and painful on his nose. There’s quite possibly a line of drool connecting his lower lip to his suit jacket sleeve. “What-”
Xiao Zhan takes a bleary moment to scrub at his face with his hand, yawning at his straightens his glasses. As the world comes into focus, he’s met with Yibo’s concerned stare, right in front of his face.
Xiao Zhan can’t help it – he lets out an undignified yelp, and blinks up at Yibo, hoping that he’s an illusion that might disappear.
“Ah, sorry,” Not-Illusion Yibo is saying. His hand stretches out to Xiao Zhan’s shoulder, hovering as if he’s uncertain whether he can touch Xiao Zhan or not. He drops it after a second or two, clearing his throat. “It’s just – it’s coming to twelve already, and I’m about to head home. Are you still gonna work?”
With a start, Xiao Zhan realises it’s just him and Yibo in their empty office. He looks down at his desk, and is met with the bare bones of his third sketch. A spot of drool marks the top-right corner, and Xiao Zhan winces. How long has he been sleeping?
He looks to the clock and groans, wiping at his eyes. It’s almost midnight, and he’s wasted precious time. If he hurries, he might be able to finish his third design by tonight, and he can rush the rest through the day. He’ll head home at four, maybe, just to wash up and come back.
It’s alright, he can do this. He went through worse in university.
“Yeah,” Xiao Zhan coughs out weakly, giving Yibo a grateful nod. Yibo watches him wordlessly, with his hands clenching into fists at his sides. “Thanks, Yibo. I’m just staying for a short while. I’ll head home soon.”
“…Okay,” Yibo says, after a beat. His eyebrows are drawn tighter, the crease between his brow growing more prominent. Somehow, absurdly, Xiao Zhan wants to rub his thumb over the line and smooth it out.
Xiao Zhan almost smacks himself in horror. What a strange thing to think about his colleague! He must really be sleep-deprived.
“Did Hao Yu give these to you to do?” Yibo asks, and Xiao Zhan looks up at him, dazed, till he realises Yibo’s gesturing at the folders with a questioning look.
“Oh, yeah, he did.” Xiao Zhan yawns again as he attempts to draw a smooth line with shaky, tired hands. He still needs to scan this and do it again in Illustrator. “He told me he needed it in-”
“In two days,” Yibo completes, staring at Xiao Zhan like he’s a puzzle he can’t solve. Xiao Zhan swallows, nodding, and Yibo’s mouth twists. “I know. I asked him for this for the Sales team. I didn’t think he’d pass these to you though, and so late.”
Xiao Zhan shrugs. “He probably forgot.”
Yibo’s gaze hardens. “He does this often, doesn’t he?”
“I mean,” Xiao Zhan hedges, a little hesitant at the burning fury in Yibo’s eyes. He isn’t sure why Yibo is so angry. “I guess? But that’s creative work for you.”
“Xiao Zhan,” Yibo sighs, and somehow Xiao Zhan’s name sounds as sweet as honey from his lips. It’s a little exasperated and fond, lilting up at the end in a way that only Xiao Zhan’s mum reproduces. “It’s not right for him to always push work off onto you. And Ji Li. Zhuocheng told me Ji Li’s been having a hard time too.”
“Yeah,” Xiao Zhan says, biting his lip. He doesn’t know why Yibo cares so much. This is part of the job, part of what every creative goes through. It isn’t right, but it happens. If Xiao Zhan were a Creative Director, things would be different. But he isn’t, so he can only do what he must.
Still, he appreciates Yibo’s concern, and he feels like he needs to replace the unhappy look on Yibo’s face with a smile. “It’s okay-” And suddenly because he feels like he needs to say it, he pats Yibo’s hand with his widest, toothiest grin on his face. “I’m okay, Yibo. Thank you.”
Yibo stares at Xiao Zhan for a moment, and he blinks once, twice, before coughing into his fist. “No problem,” he says, and it sounds oddly strained.
“Please head home, Yibo,” Xiao Zhan says, bending and picking up Yibo’s briefcase, and pushing it into his hands. “I’ve kept you here long enough.”
There’s something stubborn in Yibo’s eyes but he acquiesces, striding towards the door with his long legs. Xiao Zhan watches as he goes, then turns back to his design as Yibo reaches the door.
“Hey, Xiao Zhan?”
Xiao Zhan spins back around to face Yibo, cocking his head to the side in question. Yibo’s face looks weirdly red.
“Happy- happy birthday,” Yibo stutters a little, then his face flames a shade warmer. He seems to steel himself before continuing, his hands clasped tight behind him. “It is your birthday, right?”
Oh. Xiao Zhan had been so distracted, he’d forgotten. He looks back to the clock, and sure enough, it is past midnight. How does Yibo even know when his birthday is? He doesn’t know Yibo’s, that’s for sure.
“Oh yes, yes, it is – thank you, Yibo!” Xiao Zhan smiles, eyes crinkling at the sides. Yibo stares at him strangely before blushing furiously and running towards the lift lobby.
Xiao Zhan stares at the empty space Yibo once stood, shrugs, and turns back to his work with a crack of his knuckles.
He has a lot to do.
==
His thirtieth birthday sees Xiao Zhan starting the day as usual – too many dismisses of his alarm, a hasty change into a fresh shirt, and a swipe of mousse to push his hair back from his forehead as he dashes out the door, briefcase in hand.
He answers a few birthday texts and calls his parents as he closes his front door behind him and locks it. Breakfast is the routine bitter coffee he makes from a 3-in-1 sachet that he has in a beaten up travel thermos, and one chive and pork pancake from the jianbing stall down the road.
Because he never has time to cook anymore, he always buys an additional jianbing to wolf down over lunch, with a meagre accompanying portion of salty pickled mustard greens over rice. The jianbing uncle Mr Yun recognises him now, along with his order. Sometimes he even throws in a free dumpling or two, which fits Xiao Zhan’s budget just fine.
He waits patiently as Xiao Zhan fumbles with his phone to tap against the payment scanner. This is a routine show for the elder regulars who sit crouched over stools and short tables and giggle at Xiao Zhan’s attempts to slide his phone out of his pocket while balancing his mug and bag.
Xiao Zhan pays quickly, not wanting to hold up the line too much. He shoves his phone back into his pocket and reaches out to take the plastic bag Mr Yun is holding, nodding gratefully at the sight of three dumplings balanced on the top of his order.
Then, the strangest thing happens when Xiao Zhan’s fingers meet Mr Yun’s.
Poor boy, he always looks so tired.
Xiao Zhan almost drops the bag in shock, eyes huge and wide at the voice that rings out in his head. It almost feels like it rattles his eardrums with how clear and loud it is, but somehow it feels like it sounded from his brain.
That can’t be right, no matter how sleepy he is. Mr Yun didn’t even move his mouth, his lips pressed together in a smile as he handed the bag to Xiao Zhan.
“Who-who said that?” Xiao Zhan wrenches his hand away from Mr Yun’s, mouth falling open in shock, but the voice falls away instantly, as if it were never there.
“Ah, young man, are you okay?”
Xiao Zhan looks up to see Mr Yun staring at him in bafflement. This is surely the most he’s ever moved or expressed in all the time Mr Yun has known him. Around him, customers of the stall are staring at Xiao Zhan, looks of confusion etched on their wrinkly faces.
“Did you hear that?” Xiao Zhan blurts out towards the customers nearer to him. “That voice! Someone was speaking!”
The aunties in matching knitted vests stare at each other for a pause before turning back to Xiao Zhan and shaking their heads slowly with sympathetic smiles on their faces.
“No one was speaking,” Mr Yun says, his arm still outstretched towards Xiao Zhan in hesitant worry. His brows are knitted together, but he pats Xiao Zhan on the arm. “I think you need a little more sleep.”
Aiya, now he’s imagining things. They really overwork the young people nowadays.
Xiao Zhan flinches, pulling away from Mr Yun’s arm as Mr Yun blinks down at him in shock from his food cart. At once, Mr Yun’s voice fades from his mind.
Okay. He must be too sleep-deprived and now he’s hallucinating.
Xiao Zhan bows jerkily, clasping his bags tightly as he stumbles away. He takes a moment to breathe when he reaches the junction opposite the office building, inhaling and exhaling so rapidly people are starting to give him strange looks.
He adjusts his tie weakly and faces forward, then freezes as someone nudges into him, pressing their arm against his for a place near the front of the crossing.
For an instance, Xiao Zhan thinks the whole incident with Mr Yun was just another delirious moment in his life. He’s heard that weirder things have happened when you become a capitalist minion, like stress-induced rapid hair loss. He bought a hair tonic the previous year for this very reason, and applies it religiously to his hairline every night after showering.
Then the voice returns, and this time, it’s the low pitched grumble of the lady next to him.
I hope laogong remembers to pick Qiling up from daycare today. He can’t keep needing me to remind him.
Xiao Zhan moves away from the woman, startled, but then the light turns and he’s crossing the road with the rest of the group heading towards the skyscraper he works in, trapped in the impatient fray.
He picks up stray thoughts from everyone he’s touching, and it almost makes him want to throw up with how many thoughts are impeding on his own mental space, most loud and angry or soft and tired.
Another long day, I wanna drink-
I hope he doesn’t get the position, conniving bitch-
How do I make it to lunch without doing any work-
Once he’s crossed the road safely, Xiao Zhan can barely breathe as he flings himself from the crowd. He dashes into the office lobby, scanning his pass, and rushing into the nearest available lift that’s just opened. He must look like an incredibly motivated worker, but he couldn’t care less right now.
He needs to- he needs to get to his seat, away from all these people, so he can decide what he’s going to do next. He can’t go to the doctor, because he still needs to finish the work Hao Yu assigned, but he can ask Ji Li what the absolute hell he’s going through.
Ji Li is someone who reads extensively and knows the weirdest facts for fun and intrigue. Surely, if anyone knows what’s happening to Xiao Zhan in the office, it might be him. Then once he’s figured it out, Xiao Zhan will get medicine for it, and he’ll be cured. He can’t be the only one with this condition, can he?
As the lift fills, Xiao Zhan can’t help but bemoan his rotten luck. Something like this just had to happen to him, and on his birthday too! He grits his teeth as people form up around him. Just a short lift ride, and he’ll be free from intruding on people’s thoughts.
“Xiao Zhan? Happy birthday again.”
Oh no.
Yibo’s entering the lift with a nod, shifting to the back so his front would be practically pressed right up against Xiao Zhan’s back if Xiao Zhan were to take a step back. Thankfully, the lift is not so crowded, so there’s a little gap between Xiao Zhan and Yibo.
Xiao Zhan gives Yibo his best estimate of a shaky nod and a smile, and he can feel Yibo’s eyes on his neck as he turns back to face forward. Thankfully, Yibo doesn’t say anything, so Xiao Zhan lets himself breathe a sigh of relief. He really can’t bring himself to explain anything to Yibo’s perceptive gaze.
Just as the doors close, however, there’s a throng of people who crowd their way in, and those shoved to the back of the lift – like Xiao Zhan and Wang Yibo – are immediately huddled up against each other as the lift begins its ascent.
Xiao Zhan’s pushed back into Yibo’s chest, and Yibo’s forced to put out a firm hand against the lift wall to steady himself. Xiao Zhan can’t help how his heart has suddenly begun thudding like the hooves of a wild horse as he’s trapped against the wall and Yibo, who looks equally uncomfortable at the sudden proximity.
Xiao Zhan recalls with a sinking heart that Yibo doesn’t like people invading his personal space. What must he think of Xiao Zhan, who’s pretty much fallen right into his lap?
Wincing, Xiao Zhan attempts to right himself when Yibo’s thoughts filter into his head, and Xiao Zhan freezes.
I can’t believe we met so early in the morning. I’m so lucky. But I can’t look too much, it’ll be suspicious. What adorable morning sleepy eyes!
What? Xiao Zhan turns to gape at Yibo, and he fails to resist the temptation to see what Yibo’s face looks like.
It’s the same magnetic face he always has – politely interested, but also a little aloof. Xiao Zhan almost wants to giggle at the thought that Yibo has been hiding these cute thoughts from everyone with such a mask.
He can’t help but look around at everyone in the lift. Exactly who in the office has caught Wang Yibo’s eye that he sounds like a hapless teenager with a crush?
There’s a hitched intake of breath from Yibo as people leave the lift and he’s crushed further against Xiao Zhan. Xiao Zhan can feel Yibo’s breath on his ear at this proximity, and a deep flush rises to his cheeks. He wants to scold himself. Yibo already has someone he likes! It wouldn’t do to act all flustered like this and make him uncomfortable.
Yibo nods in apology and Xiao Zhan nods back, still trying to spot whoever it is that’s caught Yibo’s attention. Which pretty girl or handsome man could it be? Everyone around seems to have sleepy eyes, though none Xiao Zhan would describe as adorable, since they look closer to sleep-deprived and exhausted.
He’s so cute and so handsome. How does Xiao Zhan live with himself?
Wait, what?!
Xiao Zhan stills, stiffening against Yibo’s arm. Surely, surely he heard wrong. There’s no way Yibo’s been thinking these thoughts about him-?
Fuck, he’s so hot. Zhan-ge, a literal model working in our office. Today’s his birthday, maybe I should try asking him out for lunch-
The lift doors slide open and Xiao Zhan tears out of the lift, wrenching himself from Yibo’s side. He’s flushing, a hot, wretched thing that stretches down his neck. He doesn’t care if he looks a flustered sight. His mind is whirling, a hundred questions and blaring signals. He sees a shocked Yibo in his peripheral vision, reaching a hand out towards Xiao Zhan, but he turns away.
Xiao Zhan speed walks to his desk, moving from Yibo quickly. He can’t meet Yibo’s eyes right now. He would give the whole game away, with how peculiar the situation is and how he can’t even mask his feelings. He’s shaking with how warm Yibo’s thoughts had been, the lilt to his thoughts that had- had implied that he found Xiao Zhan hot.
Him! Cute and handsome to boot!
Xiao Zhan isn’t oblivious to his looks, but he’d always considered himself average-looking. To have someone like Yibo bearing down in his head, insisting that Xiao Zhan could be a model makes him tremble. He sinks into his chair with a mumbled greeting at Xuan Lu, a muttered thanks to the heavens that Hao Yu is out of the office, and gives Ji Li his best pleading face from across the office cubicle half-wall.
Surprisingly, Ji Li is in early today. There’s also a cake box on Xiao Zhan’s table from his favourite bakery near the office sure to contain a chocolate orange tart, with a beautiful hand-painted card stuck to the bag.
“Psst,” Xiao Zhan whispers, slapping a hastily scrawled post-it on Ji Li’s tall water bottle that reads: Do you have a minute!!
Ji Li gives him a deadened look. “I always have a minute for company matters and a birthday boy, Zhan-Zhan. What is it?”
Wait. “Aren’t you supposed to be on that business trip?” Xiao Zhan points out loudly, and Ji Li shoots him another look as if to say, you remembered.
“Zhuocheng cancelled on me,” Ji Li sniffs, pouting as he opens his laptop. “Hooray, I can help you with the designs now.”
“What? I thought he wanted you along?” Xiao Zhan asks, ignoring the pointed cough another colleague is sending them both.
“I guess not enough,” Ji Li drawls. “He’s going with Miss Ziyi from Advertising instead.”
Oh.
“I’m sorry,” Xiao Zhan offers sympathetically, and Ji Li gives him another, warmer sniffle and a shrug. “Ji Li, thank you for the cake and the card. I love it.”
“Yeah, yeah, you can’t trust men right,” Ji Li says, but his lips are starting to quirk up a little at the corners as Xiao Zhan nods at this sage advice. He’s going to be fine. “What can I help you with?”
“Okay,” Xiao Zhan says, holding his hands out placatingly. “This may sound crazy. But I promise I’m telling the truth.”
“Uh-huh,” Ji Li nods, clicking open Adobe Suite. “Try me, babe.”
“I can hear voices! In my head! When I’m touching people!” Xiao Zhan hisses, and Ji Li fixes him with a look. “I heard Yibo’s voice in the elevator! And Mr Yun’s from the jianbing stall!”
“And I can fly,” Ji Li says, voice coloured with heavy skepticism. “Are you sure you’re feeling well? I think you need the doctor. Maybe it’s the stress from this project.”
“I promise, Ji Li,” Xiao Zhan says, serious and low, and Ji Li’s eyes snap to him. “When have I- do you know me to lie about things like this?”
“No, but there’s a first time for everything,” Ji Li says, looking a little concerned now. “Are you sure you’re okay and you don’t have like, a fever or something?”
“It’s true,” Xiao Zhan whispers, almost in tears, and Ji Li looks more worried. “Give me your hand, I’ll prove it.”
“Well, okay-” Ji Li says, then yelps as Xiao Zhan drags his hand forward, clasping his wrist. “Careful, my favourite bracelet is on there!” He sits forward a little sulkily as he regards Xiao Zhan. “Well, what am I thinking?”
Is Xiao Zhan okay? God, I knew this job would get to him one day.
“You’re worried about me,” Xiao Zhan recites, and Ji Li rolls his eyes. “You knew the job would get to me one day.”
“You could’ve guessed that,” Ji Li snorts, and Xiao Zhan fixes him with his most powerful beseeching look.
“Can you just, please, think of something that I don’t know,” Xiao Zhan begs, gripping Ji Li’s wrist like it’s his lifeline. “Please, Ji Li.”
“Okay, fine,” Ji Li says, a bit snottily. “What am I thinking now?”
Xiao Zhan really needs some help. Aiya, let’s get this over and done with. Okay, if you can hear this Zhan-Zhan, then… Well… Fine. Zhuocheng and I kissed at the Christmas office party last year when we were drunk but somehow, he doesn’t remember. Only I do. Happy?
Xiao Zhan lets go of Ji Li’s hand slowly, mouth agape as he stares at Ji Li. He closes it as soon as he meets Ji Li’s pained expression that’s quickly covered with nonchalance.
“Well?” Ji Li says, and it’s a little quieter. “What did I think?”
“Ji Li,” Xiao Zhan says softly, and watches as Ji Li’s eyes widen. “I’m so- I’m so sorry. Zhuocheng, he, he doesn’t mean it. I’m sure he would say something if-”
“Say what?”
Xiao Zhan stumbles a little as he spins around to see Yibo standing behind his chair, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. Thank goodness, he thought he’d given Ji Li away.
“Nothing,” Ji Li squeaks, cheeks red. “What do you want, Yibo?”
“I wanted to, uh,” Yibo looks embarrassed now, shifting awkwardly next to Xiao Zhan’s desk. “Give this to you. Happy birthday, Xiao Zhan.”
He brings out a small cake box from behind his back and places it on Xiao Zhan’s table. It’s from a famous fruitcake stall, and it couldn’t have been cheap. But when Xiao Zhan lifts the lid carefully, his heart sinks a little. It’s lychee cake.
“Thank you, Yibo,” Xiao Zhan says, smiling up at Yibo. But Yibo’s seemed to have caught his earlier frown, and he looks down at the box, anxious.
“You don’t like it? But I thought you like fruitcake?” Yibo says, and he sounds aggrieved. He darts a look at Ji Li’s bag on Xiao Zhan’s desk, and Ji Li sighs from across the divider wall.
“That’s from me. Zhan-Zhan doesn’t like lychee. He does like fruitcake, though. His favourite is the chocolate orange tart from the bakery down the street. My cousin’s husband owns the bakery, and he bakes a mean one,” Ji Li recites, nodding at Yibo. When Yibo blinks at him, Ji Li shrugs. “I knew Zhan-Zhan from college, so don’t beat yourself up over it-”
“No!” Xiao Zhan suddenly cries, and Ji Li and Yibo look at him, stunned. “I like it, I promise!”
His heart is beating so fast, and he’s feeling a little light-headed. He doesn’t- he doesn’t want Yibo to think that Xiao Zhan’s ungrateful for the cake. After- after everything that he said, no, thought about Xiao Zhan.
Yibo’s obviously asked around for his food preferences, and brought the cake all the way to the office. He likely had to reserve a space in the small fridge they have here too. Xiao Zhan doesn’t like the dispirited look on Yibo’s face at all.
Xiao Zhan picks up the fork and shovels a portion of it into his mouth as Ji Li stares at him, open-mouthed. He’s probably recalling the times Xiao Zhan had dramatically enacted choking on a lychee throughout college, and likely worrying the same will happen now. He gives Yibo and Ji Li a thumbs-up as he forces himself to swallow, then takes a big gulp of his water.
“See? I love it, thank you Yibo,” He says, a little frenzied to Yibo, who’s staring at him wordlessly. There’s something hovering in his eyes, but he huffs out a laugh, and gives Xiao Zhan a small smile.
“Great,” Yibo says, and his eyes grow gentle. “I’m glad, Xiao Zhan.”
Xiao Zhan flushes, nodding as Yibo turns to walk back to his desk. Ji Li gives him another Look.
“What the hell was that, Zhan-Zhan?” Ji Li whisper-yells, cupping his hand against his mouth as if it might help with volume control. “Why is Wang Yibo giving you cake? Since when does he care about the Creative department? You don’t even speak to him!” He takes another breath, and shakes Xiao Zhan’s shoulder. “And why did you eat that cake like that? Didn’t you say you thought lychee tastes like crap?”
“I don’t- I don’t know,” Xiao Zhan says, and it’s true. He doesn’t know why. He just had a thought that Wang Yibo could never look so sad because of him ever again. It was like a strong urge to see Yibo smile had taken over his body. “I don’t even know him.”
“Exactly,” Ji Li huffs out. “We artsy types stick to our own! We don’t go for people who do hip hop dancing and motorcycle racing in their free time, Zhan-Zhan! We go for, I don’t know, knitters and convention goers!”
Xiao Zhan feels a lump rise in his throat. Ji Li’s right. He and Yibo are too different. Worlds apart, even. He’s too successful, like an unreachable star. He doesn’t know what he was thinking, why he thought what happened in the lift might mean something.
Yibo seems to only like him for his looks too. And Xiao Zhan wants more than that. He- he wants someone who will act silly with him, who will dance around to disco music with him in the kitchen at 3 am, who will see any ugly side of Xiao Zhan and still find him beautiful.
Yibo, who’s so serious, who could have anyone he wants, will never be that person for him.
“Yeah,” Xiao Zhan replies, head lowered as he turns back to his computer. Why does his chest feel so tight? “Yeah, you’re right.”
“Anyway,” Ji Li says, looking cautiously at Xiao Zhan. “About your new superpower. I’ve heard something about it before. People who turn thirty without losing their virginity are said to gain a special magic. Maybe this is it.”
“What?” Xiao Zhan almost hollers, horrified. It’s true he is a virgin, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of, but for it to be the cause is a little bit much, isn’t it? “Is that real? And how are you so calm about this? Where did you get this information?”
“So you are a virgin,” Ji Li says, eyeing Xiao Zhan up and down and ignoring his screeches of incredulity. “It’s probably true then. And I read a few accounts of this from a forum, like a cultured person.”
“Are you sure that this is the reason,” Xiao Zhan says helplessly. “Because of me. Being a virgin.”
“I don’t know,” Ji Li shrugs. “Just get laid and you’ll find out.”
“I can’t just- Ji Li!” Xiao Zhan moans loudly, pressing his deskchair pillow into his face. Who is going to want to sleep with him? Xiao Zhan doesn’t want a one night stand; he wants a partner for life. “I want a life partner!”
“Keep moaning like that and you’ll attract someone,” Ji Li observes dryly, sketching some lines on a piece of paper. Then he stills, and looks back at Xiao Zhan. “About- about what you heard from my thoughts. Don’t tell- don’t tell Zhuocheng, okay?”
“I won’t,” Xiao Zhan promises, but his heart aches a little at the rueful look on Ji Li’s face. He’s usually so open and so himself. This doesn’t look right on him. “But don’t you want to tell him? I’m sure he likes you. He’s so fidgety around you.”
“Fidgety is one thing,” Ji Li says, frowning. “I just- I think he likes Ziyi. I’m not going to be that jerk and mess something up, especially if he doesn’t remember us- remember me.”
“Well, I guess you can find out if you want to,” Xiao Zhan remarks pointedly, pointing at his calendar. “Aren’t you also turning thirty in two days?”
“What makes you so sure I’m a virgin?” Ji Li snorts, then wavers as Xiao Zhan continues to eye him. “Fine. Okay. I’ll let you know if I get any of your-” He pauses to give Xiao Zhan jazz hands with wiggly fingers for added effect. “Your magic, okay?”
“Okay,” Xiao Zhan says. “You better.”
Later, he’s in the middle of slicing another collateral for Advertising when Ji Li stops him at the cutter. He draws the blade back and toggles the safety clip before turning to Ji Li.
“Wait, I forgot to ask,” Ji Li says, cocking his head to the side in question. “What was it that you heard Yibo think in the elevator that got you all weird?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Xiao Zhan says, and tries to believe it. “It was probably a mistake, anyway.”
He can tell he’s failed from how Ji Li pats him on the shoulder, giving him a pitying look. When he looks up, he sees Yibo talking to Cheng Xiao from Human Resources across the office floor. She’s pretty – the exact kind of popular girl that fits in well with popular boys – and she’s the perfect height to match Yibo. Xiao Zhan’s too gangly, a little taller than Yibo.
She and Yibo burst out into genuine laughter, and Xiao Zhan swallows, turning away. He doesn’t know why he allowed himself to entertain such thoughts. Yibo, having a crush on him?
Silly, he mentally berates himself. Silly that he’d fool himself into thinking someone like Yibo might ever like someone like him.
Sighing, he sits back down at his desk. It’s going to be a long birthday.