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“What?” Lorcan asked as he pulled his jumper back on over his head. He could feel Cas’ eyes trained on him but he couldn’t make himself look at the man. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of what happened between them - far from it. Everything was above board for a start. Both Alice and Molly were aware of what they were doing here and it wasn't as if Cas was the first person that he had slept with since he had gotten together with Alice, but he was the first friend that he had slept with.
Lorcan wasn't exactly sure how they had gotten to this point when just last week they had been celebrating two big things that had happened in their lives; Cas' youngest son had finally come home from hospital and Alice had announced that she was pregnant. Lorcan knew that their celebrations were exactly why they had ended up in this situation to start with, and though he wasn't complaining that their good news had brought them closer together, especially when he had been convinced that once Robin got out of the hospital they wouldn't really see each other any more.
"Is that really all you're going to say?" There was a soft lilt, almost a laughing tone to Cas' voice but Lorcan was glad that he didn't actually laugh at him. He didn't think that his ego was big enough to be able to take it if Cas laughed at him after he had quite literally laid his soul bare.
"I'm not good at things like this." Lorcan admitted as he glanced over his shoulder at the man that he had begun to consider his friend.
"Things like what?" Cas asked, stretching out slightly before he moved closer to Lorcan, dropping a kiss to his shoulder which took Lorcan by surprise. He had agreed to have sex with Lorcan, something that had come about as a joke to begin with when Molly and Cas had found out that Lorcan and Alice were in an open relationship. Lorcan hadn't been aware that Cas and Molly were in an open relationship too until Cas had propositioned him, telling him that he had Molly's permission to pursue him. Lorcan had had no idea how to respond to that until Alice had told him that he should go for it.
Lorcan was the one who had been sceptical. Cas wasn't some random stranger that he had met at a bar; he was family, but Lorcan would have been lying if he had denied that there was something about the dark-haired man that had drawn him in. The sex itself had been different too and Lorcan was sure that it was because they had a pre-existing relationship, even of that relationship had formed because Robin was under his care. Lorcan had been aware that he needed to take more of an interest in Lysander's family but he was sure that no-one had meant in this way.
“I guess just generally talking to people that aren’t Alice or Enzo.” Lorcan said quietly. He’d never had sex with Alice and so he’d never had to try to make conversation with her afterwards, but he knew that it would have been different with her if that were the case anyway. Enzo had been different as well; they had used each other for different reasons and conversation has been the last thing on either of their minds on those occasions.
Cas chuckled at that. "You like to overthink things, huh?" He asked as he pulled his legs up underneath him to sit cross-legged while Lorcan turned to face him. He wasn't wrong and that was something that actually made Lorcan laugh despite himself. Cas was doing his best to try to put Lorcan at ease and he appreciated it, even if he didn't exactly know what to do with this.
"It's a curse." Lorcan hummed, fidgeting slightly with a loose bobble of wool on his jumper.
"Something tells me that you wouldn't be the person you are today if it wasn't for your curse." Cas commented, his hand reaching out for Lorcan who could only stare as their skin touched. He couldn't seem to move his hand away even though a small voice at the back of his head was telling him that he should, that he shouldn't accidentally lead Cas on in this way. Now that they had slept together, he wasn't sure what sort of relationship they could even have, or what sort of relationship either of them wanted.
Lorcan was sure of one thing though - that he didn't want this to be a one-time thing, which made him angry more than anything else. When Alice had told him that he could sleep with other people, he had promised her that it would be strictly for sex, that he wouldn't dare let his feelings get involved. He knew that Alice wasn't the sort of person to mind that he had ended up catching feelings for someone other than himself but this was what made their open relationship feel as if he were cheating. He knew that he was being somewhat ridiculous, especially when he took into account that he was friends with people who were in polyamorous relationships. It was just never something that he had ever considered for himself before tonight.
Lorcan hated his brain and he hated how it was trying to rush on ahead of the actual events that were unfolding. He was already contemplating things that might happen if he happened to find out that Cas also wanted for this to be more than a one time thing. He could feel himself growing angry with his own emotions and he knew that if he didn't end their evening then he was more than likely to take his anger out on Cas, which wasn't at all fair.
"I need to go." Lorcan said quietly as he stood up, not even daring to look in the direction of Cas, just in case he said or did something untoward. He couldn't trust himself, that was for sure. "Thank - thank you for-" He gestured vaguely. He wanted Cas to know that he wasn't the reason that he was running off now but he didn't want to completely ruin the friendship that he had created with the men.
Cas said nothing and Lorcan was hoping that it was because he was respecting Lorcan's decision to leave and not because he had suddenly realised that Lorcan was just too damn awkward to even entertain being friends with on a good day.
Lorcan let himself out of the room and he kept his head down as he walked through the hotel. He nodded to the man at the front desk before he headed out into the cool night air and took several slow breaths as he let it fill his lungs. However he looked at it, he had messed up and what he had with Cas was now changed forever - time would only tell whether that was for good or bad.