Chapter Text
“There are two kinds of pain in this world. The pain that hurts, the pain that alters.”
- Denzel Washington
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August 21st 2013
They’re standing on the starting blocks.
I feel the tension rising in my chest, knowing how important this race is to Haruka. He hasn’t been showing it, but I notice in the way he acts, that he feels a strong urge to defeat Rin.
Rin has been his rival for forever, and yet they haven’t swum against each other in a proper match for so long. This must be so exciting, yet frightening, because there’s no way of knowing who’ll win.
They’ve always been on about the same level after all, so I bet he’s at least a little nervous.
“Ready,” the announcer’s voice sounds over the speakers, loud and clear.
I watch Haruka and Rin take stands. Bent all the way forward in a way that even I can feel the tension that must be running down their spines. Excitement and anticipation fill me up.
Go, Haruka! I think to myself, somewhere deep down hoping the message will get to him. He needs that extra push. He wants to do well, and I want to help him do well, but all I can do is root for him.
The beep sounds and they jump in. All at, what to the eye of a regular spectator probably seems, exactly the same time. But Haruka’s dive is a little off, I notice it right away; I guess the pressure of having to beat Rin is getting to him more and more.
He manages to pull himself together and catches up to Rin within a matter of seconds.
“Rin has gotten a lot faster,” Nagisa states, but his words barely enter my brain.
I’m too focused on whatever Haruka’s doing, because where he normally shoots through the water like a spear, he’s now struggling to pass through the waves.
Haru shouldn’t be struggling so much.
“Something’s wrong,” I mutter to myself, leaning in closer to see if I can notice what’s off. But everything seems fine at a first glance; his form the same as always, his mouth taking quick breaths every once in a while, and he is moving through the water. Just a lot slower than Rin.
Rin’s at the turn already, making a smooth one too. He’s too far in front of Haruka, there’s no way Haruka can beat his time now. Rin even passes Haruka when going in for the second lap.
My breaths are quick, getting even quicker as Haruka goes in for the turn too.
He goes underwater and turns—
My heart seems to stop beating when he doesn’t come back to the surface. He’s stopped moving, and is being swept away by the swirling waves made by the other swimmers.
“What are you doing, Haruka?” I whisper. I’m searching for a sign that he’s okay, but all I get is a sign that he isn’t; a whistle blows loud and spectators urge all swimmers to stop. I watch someone jump into the water, near to where Haruka went under.
And there he is, my best friend, being pulled out of the pool. He appears limp and lifeless when they drag him onto the tiles and spectators gather around him.
“Haru—“ It escapes from my mouth in a cry. My chest feels heavy, my heartbeat faster than ever before, as I try to look for something. Something to show me that Haruka’s okay, some expression of relief on the bystanders’ faces. But instead, I see Rin standing on the other side of the pool with an overwhelming expression of terror on his face.
Tears prick in my eyes when I turn back towards where Haruka’s lying. They’re doing things, I can’t see what, because I’m too far away and there’s a crowd gathered around him.
“I have to get closer,” I say to no one in particular before running down the flight of stairs. I run through the locker-room and down the hallway leading to the swimming pool. When my feet hit the damp tiles, I almost slip and fall, but I manage to regain my balance by increasing speed.
I run past Rin, and towards the crowd that’s gathered around Haruka.
“Let me pass!” I shout, pulling and pushing at the people just standing there pointlessly. I dig my nails into people’s skin, tearing their arms out of my way. “He’s my best friend!”
I gasp at the sight I see when pushing past the last person standing between Haruka and me.
My best friend, the guy I’ve known practically since birth, is lying there. His limps and chest are jolting, his face contracted in pain as he gasps for air. His lips are blue, his cheeks a pale purple.
“Haruka,” I whisper as I feel tears trickle down my face. I turn to the spectators, who state his pulse is weak, barely even there; yet they’re doing nothing so save him, they’re just sitting there, watching.
I close my eyes, urging myself to think clearly; an ambulance has been called already, I heard them yelling that earlier. So there’s no need for me to do that. What next?
I crouch down beside the spectators, beside Haruka.
My hand rests on his cheek, which is freezing cold, yet sweaty and damp. “Haruka, can you hear me?”
At first, I get no response, just wheezing breaths. I ask it again, louder and more urgent this time.
His eyes open weakly, looking right into mine while filling up with thick tears.
“It’s okay, Haruka.” I smile in relief; he’s with me again. “There’s help on the way, you’ll be okay.”
Haruka’s mouth opens slowly and his chest rises one more time before his eyes turn away. They roll all the way back into his skull, and his chest falls, but doesn’t rise again.
“He’s got no pulse!” The spectator’s voice enters my brain, causing my smile to falter.
I start breathing faster, my brain getting foggy because of all the thoughts that enter my mind. Tears well up in my eyes as I shake my head. “No, no, no—“ I tap with my hand against Haruka’s cheek.
I get no response.
He’s not breathing.
I wrap my mouth around his, forcing air into his lungs.
Next, I place my hands on Haruka’s chest, feeling how freezing cold his skin is underneath the palm of my hand. I take a deep breath, before putting pressure on his chest.
My friend won’t die today! I tell myself, starting to give Haruka chest compressions. I’m not counting, my brain is too fogged to even think clearly; all I know is that Haruka cannot leave me now.
I pinch his nose shut and breathe into his mouth, finding that his chest barely rises.
But I keep going. Giving him breaths every thirty-something compressions, even when his chest doesn’t properly rise each time, even when I hear the cracking of his ribs underneath my weight.
I keep going and going and going.
Until I suddenly get pulled away from Haruka by two strong arms. They drag me away from Haruka, even though I’m crying to stay by his side. I try to push away the hands that have dragged me away, but my body feels all tingly and numb, so they’re much stronger.
“Don’t worry,” a male’s voice says calmly. “Your friend is in good hands now.”
Without me really realizing it, the paramedics have arrived and two out of three men in uniform have crouched down beside Haruka. Giving him air through a mask while sliding him onto a stretcher.
“How many minutes?” the paramedic that pulled me away from the scene asks me.
“Huh?” I mutter, thinking about the time that I spend giving Haruka CPR. It’s all a blur to me; it could’ve been one minute, but it could have also lasted longer than ten minutes for all I know.
“Okay, never mind,” he says, gently squeezing my shoulder when he realizes I don’t know. “I take you’re close to him?” He glances up at his colleagues, who’re rushing Haruka out to the front where they probably parked the ambulance. “You want to stay by his side?”
I nod right away, they don’t have to ask me twice; if I can stay by Haruka’s side in the back of the ambulance, that’s enough for now. That way I can be with him, see him either wake up or—
The paramedic nods determinedly and lays his hand on my back. He urges me to get up and we start running in the direction of the ambulance too. Careful on the slippery tiles, through the gate and out onto the streets at the front; where I see them moving Haruka into the back of the ambulance.
“Here you go,” the paramedic tells me, giving me a hand before getting into the back as well. And as soon as they’ve fastened the stretcher with Haruka on it and I’m sitting on one of the seats beside him, the ambulance starts moving. Rushing through Iwatobi’s streets with wailing sirens.
“He’s unresponsive,” one of the men states before explaining that Haruka does have a pulse.
One of the paramedics immediately gets Haruka on a monitor and ventilator. While the other two start to do all sorts of things; his vitals, skin tone, etcetera.
Everything they say passes through me like air; all I care about is that we get to the hospital as soon as possible. I just don’t want to lose him, not today. Not ever.
The ambulance jolts to a halt, and the doors at the back open right away. Two new medics await us, and immediately take Haruka away from me. They loudly discuss his condition with one of the paramedics while rushing him out of the parking hall and into the hospital building.
The world around me is blurred by tears as I watch them wheel Haruka away with lots of commotion.
And when he disappears from my vision, everything goes silent, and I find myself lost in a sea of scattered emotions; fear, anger and all other kinds of pain.