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Retrospectively, Jonghyun probably should have realised something wasn't quite right when he'd first woken up. The tight feeling in his back wasn't unfamiliar to him, but the way the discomfort that had been plaguing him for the past few days had shifted into a dull cramping deep in his lower back should have been his first red flag.
He hadn't told Minki or Dongho or even Minhyun about the pains but they knew, they always knew. He couldn't get anything past them. Dongho had asked about it that morning while helping him bind his belly, but Jonghyun dismissed it, not wanting to burden an already stressed Dongho any further. Dongho had sent him a sceptical 'really' look but ultimately let it go.
Finding out he was five months pregnant half way through a survival show in which the fate of his entire group rested on his shoulders was hardly the best position he could have found himself in, but as far as pregnancies went, Jonghyun had been relatively lucky. His uterus developing upwards rather than out had meant his bump was far smaller than most so easily concealed, and his morning sickness had all but gone by the time he'd realised he was pregnant. Jonghyun supposed he should be thankful but stood there now, under the heat of the stage lights waiting for the fate of his beloved group to be announced as the pain reared itself again, he was beginning to regret his adamant refusal to leave the competition like Seungcheol suggested when they had first found out he was pregnant.
Jonghyun had to remind himself like a mantra that if he could just keep it together for a few more hours, just until filming finished, then he would've done what he had set out to do; all that he could possibly do to ensure Nu'ests success after this was all over. He couldn't give up now, not after everything they'd been through to get them there. Until then, Jonghyun would just have to push through the pain.
Super hot went off without a hitch before Jonghyun felt it again, a sharp cramp wrapping itself around his back and hips. Biting his lip was all he could do to stop himself wincing at the sensation. As much as Jonghyun had tried to hide his distress, the light circles Dongho rubbed into his lower back and the touch of Minki's hand against his own, thumb brushing gently and reassuringly over his knuckles as they watched hands on me from back stage was enough for Jonghyun to realise they had caught on.
Once the pain had ebbed away, Jonghyun was able to regain his focus, enough at least to get through his part in always without slipping up. He let out a breath he hadn't even realised he'd been holding in when Daehwi closed out the song. Getting through the performances was half the battle and Jonghyun had never been more grateful for one to end in his life.
Objectively, Jonghyun knew Seungcheol would be there; but he hadn't quite prepared himself for the sight of him there on the screen, sat beside Aron hyung as BoA began announcing their ranks. A breath caught in Jonghyun's throat at the scene, tears threatening to well up and for the first time that night, Jonghyun wasn't sure if he'd make it to the end of the filming. Jonghyun pushed it down with a deep breath and forced Seungcheol out of his mind. He couldn't risk messing it up for them now, not at the last hurdle.
When Minhyun was called out for ninth place, the cheers that erupted from all around engulfed Jonghyun and for the first time in a long while, he felt like all their hard work was finally paying off. He couldn't help the smile that broke out across his face, a real, genuine smile that lit up his whole demeanor - if not all of them, then at least one of them would be successful and that was all Jonghyun could ask for.
The rest of the ranking announcements passed by in a blur to Jonghyun, he could pick out hints of names here and there, but for the most part they were overshadowed by the growing pain that slowly travelled from his back to his abdomen and thighs.
Jonghyun was so concentrated on trying to block out the pain, he barely even registered BoA calling "Pledis Kim Jonghyun" for fourteenth place.
The cameras all focused on him, his gaze panning over all the trainees in front of him, who watched him intently with the unmistakable look of pity that seemed to follow him around like his shadow as of late. Nothing, not all his years of training, not the years spent leading Nu'est, nor the months he'd spent working himself to the bone on Produce could have prepared Jonghyun for the amount of composure required in that moment to keep his voice level, and prevent a slip in the façade he'd worked so tirelessly these past few months to maintain. It takes everything in Jonghyun to keep himself upright as he bared through the pain.
Jonghyun knew it was ultimately for the best. He could hardly be promoting as a rookie in that kind of environment whilst raising a newborn, and even if he had made the debut cut, the company already had plans in place to get him out of the debuting group. It was practically the perfect outcome for them, Minhyun gets his well earned spot in the debuting lineup, Nu'est gets the best shot at a revival as possible, and he gets away with the "Kim Jonghyun robbed" line rather than endless speculation over why he didn't join Wanna One like he was supposed to.
He knew that, he really did, but he just couldn't rid himself of the sinking feeling he got at the thought of being separated from Minhyun after everything the five of them had been through. Minhyun who he'd grown up with, and watched as he grew into his limbs and abilities. Minhyun who he wanted nothing but the best for, but just couldn't reconcile that with the fact it meant being separated from him right when he needed him the most.
Once he was certain the cameras were no longer focused on him, Jonghyun put a subtle hand against his bound stomach and cradled his fingers into the fabric in an idle attempt to alleviate some of the pain.
Jonghyun hadn't even realised it was all over until he found himself caught in a current of trainees swarming him, offering an abundance of apologies and consolation, pulling him left and right to pry a minute with him. A familiar "Jonghyun" accompanied by a gentle hand on the small of his back dragged him from his conversation with Sewoon.
"Are you alright?" He turned to see Minhyun, a furrow etched deep into his brow and he looked Jonghyun up and down.
"Fine." Maybe it was the waver in his voice, or the slip in the friendly, nurturing mask he prioritised over all else, or the tears in the corner of his eyes but Jonghyun wasn't fooling them.
"Give them a minute Sewoonie." Minki wrapped his fingers around Sewoon's arm, guiding him to turn his back on Jonghyun and Minhyun, towards Youngmin.
"How long?" Minhyun queried, his voice hushed to avoid anyone overhearing their conversation.
"Since this morning." Jonghyun began sheepishly, "Getting worse."
"Is this it?" Minhyun asked, tilting his head to the side curiously.
"I think so." He winced.
"Look at you Jju-ah, they announced I'm going barely half an hour ago and you're already replacing me." Minhyun teased, no heat or intent in his words. The lightness of the conversation was almost enough to make Jonghyun smile, that was until his belly tightened mercilessly and his legs almost gave out.
"There you go, just breathe. You're doing great Jonghyun-ah." Minhyun rubbed comforting circles between his shoulder blades, his calm voice the only thing keeping Jonghyun steady.
Jonghyun had his fingers curled into the back of Minhyun's blazer, clutching onto it like a lifeline when he felt it; a slight pop deep inside him followed by something leaking down his leg.
"Min." Jonghyun's breath hitched, caught in the back of his throat, "I think my water just broke."
"Let's get you somewhere quieter." Minhyun said, trying to stay calm for Jonghyun's sake as he guided him away from the crowd.
It took longer than Minhyun would've liked, but they eventually managed to find a secluded dressing room on the far side of the building, away from any unwanted prying ears. Jonghyun couldn't be more grateful when he finally got to sit down, slumping against the wall and letting out an exasperated sigh.
They sat in relative quiet for some time, besides gentle words of comfort and small whines each time a contraction hit, that Jonghyun tried desperately, but to little avail to hold back. Minhyun instead settled for tracing small, soothing patterns over Jonghyun's tense spine and shoulder blades until the pain ebbed away to give the elder a brief moment of respite before the next one hit. Minhyun was sure it did very little to ease his pain, but Jonghyun seemed to appreciate the sentiment nonetheless.
It was after a particularly arduous contraction, his body trembling with pain and exhaustion, that Jonghyun caved, "Min, I need Seungcheol."
Minhyun's eyes turned soft, retrieving his phone from his trouser pocket, "I'll get him on the phone. Dongho can bring him down, but I need you to keep calm Jong."
Minhyun handed Jonghyun the phone, moving to wrap his arms around Jonghyun's taut waist, gathering his leader in a hug. Jonghyun went limp and pliant in his embrace as he waited for Seungcheol to pick up.
"Minhyun?" Seungcheol did little to hide the confusion in his tone, and Jonghyun could practically see the look on his face.
"N-no it's Jonghyun." He took a deep breath, and ran shaking fingers over the swell of his stomach.
"Is something wrong? Are you okay?" Seungcheol's voice came from the other end of the line, laced with concern, becoming increasingly more alarmed at the sound of Jonghyun's barely concealed sniffles and uneven breathing.
"I'm in labor. Me and Min we're back stage in a dressing - ah fuck." Jonghyun cuts himself off sounding desperate, "P-please I can't do this without you Cheol." Jonghyun tried to say, breathless and incoherent, voice coming out in frantic sobs.
"We're coming to find you Jju, it's going to be okay I promise. I'll be there any minute." Seungcheol reassured him, trying to flatten out any hint of a waver in his voice as he hung up. He had to stay strong, for Jonghyun.
Jonghyun handed Minhyun his phone back as the pair settled into an uneasy silence; Jonghyun's head rested in the crook of Minhyun's neck, the taller apprehensively carding his fingers through Jonghyun's hair. He almost lost himself to the sounds of agitated trainees making their way backstage that spilled through the walls until a "You okay?" came from Minhyun, his voice so low his chest rumbled with it.
"It's too early Min, she's coming too soon. What if there's something wrong with her." Jonghyun started crying again - he was so exhausted that it felt like he had no control over his emotions, distress and anguish rising and ebbing in him like a sick imitation of his contractions.
Minhyun held his hand and stroked his hair, humming, "Is it any wonder she's coming early with all the stress you've been putting yourself under. I'm sure she's fine Jju, just can't stomach having to perform Nayana again."
"I'm scared Min." Jonghyun whispers out, his soft and pained voice so quiet it was as if it was never really meant to be heard.
"You're the strongest person I know, Jonghyun. If anyone can do it, it's you." Minhyun's voice was final and unyielding, contrasting the ineffable sense of comfort those few words bought Jonghyun.
"Minhyun." Jonghyun called, piercing the tentative silence they'd found themselves in.
"Hmm."
Jonghyun was quiet for a moment but he reminded himself that this was Minhyun, he doesn't have to hide, not from him. It still took effort for him to be honest about it, to tell Minhyun how he really felt. Jonghyun took a breath, and tried again, "I know you're going to be busy with Wanna One's schedules but please don't be a stranger. I don't want my daughter to grow up without you in her life."
"Jonghyun you moron. You're my family, all of you. Do you really think something as little as this would make me forget that?" Minhyun's voice choked on his own emotion. "It doesn't matter if i'm Nu'est Minhyun or Wanna One Minhyun or Pledis Hwang Minhyun, nothing can change the fact you're my brother - my best friend." Minhyun knew their small bubble of peace was coming to an end and soon it would be time to face reality, but no 14th place, no amount of votes, no contract could keep Minhyun from his brothers and he needed Jonghyun to understand that.
"Besides." Minhyun began, leaning over and pressing against Jonghyun's side, "I can hardly let Minki beat me as her favourite uncle can I?"
"Thank you." Jonghyun laughed softly as Minhyun started to brush his fingers through his soft hair, "I think I needed to hear that."
Jonghyun's much appreciated reprieve from the excruciating contractions was clearly too good to be true as they returned in full force, even more painful than before only moments later. All he could do was grasp Minhyun's hand and grit his teeth to resist the urge to bear down against them.
"Jonghyun." Seungcheol's voice startled Jonghyun. He seemed flushed and restless as he ambled over to them, not even bothering to stop the door from slamming like he usually chides everyone else for.
Minhyun squeezed Jonghyun's shoulder in reassurance, giving him a comforting smile before going to wait with Dongho and Aron outside the dressing room - leaving the pair alone. There's no need for words and Jonghyun appreciates how well Minhyun knows him in that moment. Knows when he needs to speak until his voice is hoarse and his words are incomprehensible and when he can't even bring himself to string a few words together. They've known each other long enough that silence makes sense.
"You took your time." Jonghyun said, breathing out deeply. Half joking, half just incomprehensibly relieved to have Seungcheol by his side.
"Sorry." Seungcheol gave him a sheepish grin, looking genuinely apologetic as he wrapped an arm around Jonghyun's waist, who immediately sunk into his side, "Got lost trying to find you, we couldn't work out which room you were in."
Jonghyun hadn't realised quite how much he'd longed to be in Seungcheol's arms until he was securely there in his hold. By the time he felt the tears coming, it was too late to stop them. It wasn't the delicate, pretty crying he'd always hoped to have. It was loud and painful and hurt to breathe. Jonghyun let go of all the emotions he'd been fighting all day and allowed Seungcheol to gently rock him side to side as if he were a baby himself.
"Missed you." Jonghyun admits, voice small and shaky, as he nestled his head underneath Seungcheol's chin.
Seungcheol left a few tender kisses against Jonghyun's head, whispering soft reassurances as the latters sobs began to even out, "Minki's gone to get you a paramedic Jju, they'll be here any minute."
As soon as one contraction finished another seemed to start, leaving Jonghyun very little respite as he sat with his back flush to Seungcheol's chest, wincing and moaning at the feeling. As much as Seungcheol tried to keep it out of Jonghyun's way, his hair plastered itself against his sweaty face as his body trembled with pain and exhaustion.
Jonghyun barely even discerned the paramedic's arrival until she crouched down beside him and began talking at him, "Jonghyun isn't it? My name is Yewon, I'm going to help get you through this alright sweetie. You're in safe hands."
Jonghyun could do little but nod in understanding and allow her to check him over.
"I'm going to need steady breaths okay?" She waited for Jonghyun to even out his breathing before she continued, "I've called one of my colleagues to get you somewhere more comfortable and equipped Jonghyun, It's going to be alright."
"How long ago did the pain start?" Yewon ventured.
"This morning", Jonghyun gets out in a sob, his eyes lidded and jaw clenched.
Yewon grimaced at the very notion of it. She was far from new to midwifery, and knew just how painful labor was, especially for new mothers. The very thought of Jonghyun having gone through hours of filming under those harsh lights, in labor all while having to keep his façade up was enough to turn her stomach.
"You're doing wonderfully Jonghyun. Just keep on with the steady breaths whilst I take a look at the baby, okay?" Seungcheol takes Jonghyun's hand, enveloping it in his bigger one with the utmost care. I love you, goes unsaid as he laced their fingers together. He found himself relaxing a little as Yewon covered him with his long discarded blazer, to maintain some sense of dignity for him.
"Slight change of plan. It doesn't look like baby's going to wait for an ambulance, we're going to have to do this ourselves." Yewon's lips quirked into a sympathetic smile as she settled on her knees in front of the laboring boy.
A hint of fear flashed across Jonghyun's face but before he could ponder on it too much, he found himself distracted by the feeling of something heavy dropping between his hips.
"You're almost ready sweetie. When the next contraction hits, I want you to push."
When the contraction came, Seungcheol could tell it was more powerful than the rest. Jonghyun went rigid, his grip on Seungcheol's wrist tightening as he let out an unrestrained cry of agony; hopes of masking his pain long since abandoned.
"Cheol." Jonghyun whimpered through quivering lips, tears stinging his eyes.
"I'm right here." Seungcheol soothed as he began gently carding slender fingers through his loves soft tresses.
"I need you to push Jonghyun." Yewon instructed, pressing Jonghyun's thighs further apart as his whines grew into full bodied cries.
"Keep pushing. That's it sweetie, you're doing wonderfully." Yewon echoed and with a grimace, Jonghyun tensed again. Crying out once more, leaning and grasping white knuckled against Seungcheol for support.
"Stop pushing now. We need long, calm breaths." The paramedic said firmly.
Jonghyun drew in a deep breath and looked up to Seungcheol, desperate for this agony to be done with; his eyes pleading, begging for relief. For some moments, the room fell into silence save for Jonghyun's strained panting and the faint sound of Dongho, Minki, Aron and Minhyun pacing back and forth on the other side of the door, until the pain reared and Jonghyun could no longer quell his cries.
"Pant Jonghyun. Pant, don't push." Yewon reiterated as she glanced in Seungcheol's direction - a silent plea for help.
"Breath slowly with me Jju." Seungcheol encouraged, and Jonghyun watched with intent as he exaggerated his own steady breathing for him to mimic.
"You're doing so well love, just like that." Seungcheol breathed out with a tender smile.
Yewon gave Seungcheol a grateful nod and the hint of a smile before turning her attention back to Jonghyun, "Good. Now with the next contraction I'm going to need you to push again."
"Hurts." Jonghyun managed to get out, shoulders dropping in resignation, his pained voice breaking Seungcheol's heart.
"I know Jju, but you're almost there." Seungcheol reassured, slipping a hand into Jonghyun's to keep him grounded. For a terse moment, he felt an indescribable sense of comfort wash over him, until a cry tears itself from the back of his throat; dampening out the sound of Yewon urging him to keep pushing.
"If you'd just learned how to use a fucking condom Choi Seungcheol."
"I can see the head." Yewon announced and Jonghyun found himself letting out a soft sigh of relief before the pain hit once more and his whole body began quaking.
Seungcheol's grip tightened as Jonghyun let out a strangled cry, "You're so close. Just one last push and it'll all be over." He urged.
"Seungcheol, please. I can't." Jonghyun whimpered, though he couldn't fight the need to bear down against the intolerable pain that reared itself once more.
"You can Jonghyun. Just once more."
Jonghyun arched his back, grip tightening on Seungcheol's hand as he let out a final straggled cry. Enduring one final excruciating push, Jonghyun's cries were replaced with the small feeble cries of a newborn baby.
"It's a girl. You have a daughter." Yewon announced as she gently rubbed the newborns back, which made her cough and fuss.
Yewon cut the cord with painstaking care before she moved from between Jonghyun's legs to place the baby in his waiting arms. Seungcheol helped steady his shaking fingers as they undid the buttons of Jonghyun's shirt so their daughter could be laid on his chest. Despite his fatigue, he wound his arms around the bundle, cradling their daughter flush to his chest. "It's okay aegi, eomma's here. Appa's here. You're safe." He whispered to soothe the baby's cries, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead.
"Jonghyun." Seungcheol breathed out, his voice stolen away watching in wonder as the little baby, their little baby, settled in Jonghyun's embrace and wrapped her tiny hand around Seungcheol's, "She's beautiful."
"Have you settled on a name?" Yewon asked, mouth quirked upwards in a grin as she watched the little girl in Jonghyun's arms.
"Nari." Jonghyun said, eyes on hers and he smiled, a smile that reached eyes and lit up his weary face; so warm that Seungcheol felt he could melt into the ground, "Choi Nari."
"Nari." Seungcheol echoed, hand tangling with Jonghyun's as his lips pulled into a smile.
Seungcheol raised a trembling hand to gingerly caress his daughter's cheek and sighed deeply, finally letting the months of pent up worry and concern drain from his body. He dragged his gaze from Nari to Jonghyun, who looked upon their daughter with a watery smile, enamoured by the little girl they'd created.
"Hey." Seungcheol said right into Jonghyun's ear, in the tone he reserved just for him, "What's going through that head of yours Jju?"
Jonghyun smiled, "Just how lucky I am to have you both." and Seungcheol smiles right back, beaming as his eyes curled into crescents.
In the familiarity of Seungcheol's embrace, with Nari cradled against his chest, calmed by their combined touch; Jonghyun realises that sometimes it's okay to lose a competition. Even one as big and important, with as much depending on it as Produce 101. Jonghyun thinks that maybe it was all worth it for the makeshift family he and Seungcheol have cobbled together over the years, from Pledis boys to Nu'est to Seventeen to little Nari nestled between their arms. Maybe 14th place isn't so bad.