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Without him knowing, Jay's already pressed to the wall. He looked anywhere but to Jungwon who's probably only an inch away from his face. Anywhere but his wine stained lips and flushed drunk cheeks.
"Hyung.." Jungwon breathed. He tipped Jay's face slowly, lower to his face. Jay could see the hurt in his eyes. He was trying his hardest not to cry, Jay knew. Whatever it is, Jay didn't like it. "Do you like me, hyung?"
Jay felt heavy in his stomach. Of all things, he did not expect this. Moreover, he couldn't lie. But he also knew that neither the truth nor lie will ever save them from.. whatever situation they were in now.
He inhaled deeply, trying to find ways to approach the issue in a more rational way. To be more diplomatic for both of them, so he did not lie, and Jungwon did not have to hurt himself because of… him.
He took a good look at the boy before him.
His lithe body warm from the wine they finished earlier. He had drunk more that he thought he could take. Jay should have paid better attention to Jungwon, he was older after all. But he also craved for the warmth, he was not sure he would ever let himself be this close to Jungwon had he not known that Jungwon was under influence. He wouldn't let his guard this down if Jungwon was sober.
So he let Jungwon be, even letting Jungwon slipped his legs between his. Jungwon rubbed himself a little and letting small throaty sound coming out of his pouty mouth. He was mortified, but most of all, he was definitely turned on.
He grabbed Jungwon's shoulder in his hands, trying to make Jungwon at least a little bit sober. Whatever he was about to tell Jungwon, Jungwon had to be a bit sober to remember it. This is not something that could be swept under the rug by the morning.
He searched for those big brown eyes that slowly fluttered at him. Oh, they were beautiful. He lost count of how many times he said that to himself while looking at Jungwon. But now they were glassy from either being drunk or from Jungwon's action earlier. He had known Jungwon for long to know that the boy liked to keep things for himself, but for his trained eyes, though, he knew Jungwon was devastatingly sad. He should be the one helping him, but he couldn't bear the burnt if he answer his question earlier truthfully.
Jay kept quiet.
"Hyung," Jungwon smiled softly. "If you don't like me then that's okay too. I understand. But you've been looking at my lips for too long and it gives me hope. It's not good for me."
Jay unconsciously licked his lips.
How could he not be looking at it when it was this close? Still, he couldn't. Didn't want to answer him. It shouldn't be this way.
Minutes passed while Jungwon stared at him. He had stopped with the rubbing. He then smiled, still with those round sad eyes.
"Hyung, let's just pretend that I am as drunk as you think I am. Do you promise to forget whatever happens tonight? Just tonight? Can you promise me that?"
Jay wasn't sure what Jungwon meant, but it was Jungwon who asked it so nicely, so cutely as he always did so he nodded.
"Then kiss me, hyung, like you have always wanted to," Jay gulped, "I will forget this tomorrow. Please."
That was the last thing that he wanted. He didn't want Jungwon to forget, he also didn't want to kiss him for obvious reasons that is tomorrow. Didn't Jungwon get it, that this is wrong?
To be honest, he had been waiting for this for far too long he couldn't remember. Kissing Jungwon was the only thing that he could think of ever since the boy knocked at his door for a house-warming invitation 6 years ago. He had wanted him for so long, but not like this.
He shut his eyes, body shaking a little from holding himself back. He really tried. But he was surprised by a pair of lips on his. Just a peck and it was frankly a bit dry. He opened his eyes, and the lips didn't stop. Even if he pushed those bony shoulder back, Jungwon didn't stop. A second, third time, Jay did not responded and Jungwon brought himself down to the skin underneath his jaw.
Jay squirmed, cupping Jungwon's face to stop whatever he was doing.
"Jungwon-ah,"
"P-please, hyung. You already promised me,"
Jungwon stepped on his toes, trying to reach back out for his lips desperately. This time Jay could taste his salty tears.
Fuck.
He hated it when Jungwon cried.
Jay finally kissed Jungwon long and deep.
Jungwon whimpered. His shaky small hands brushed up from Jay's chest to his shoulder, to his neck, holding him close. Jay swore Jungwon tasted sweet and sour from the wine, also salty from his crying.
Jay pulled back, gasping for air and wiping Jungwon's tears away. "Don't cry. Don't cry. Please, don't cry,"
Jungwon hiccuped. He said nothing, though. Instead, he rubbed himself back on Jay's thighs and tugged his neck down for more kisses.
Jay choked from Jungwon's sadness and contrasting boldness. They have never crossed this line. It has always been those brotherly hugs during their sleepovers and nothing more. He trembled, brain overdrive on deciding what to do to Jungwon. He really didn't want Jungwon to cry, but he also didn't want to deny what Jungwon wanted. For once, he was lost.
This is all wrong.
Jay sucked Jungwon's lower lips, then dived his tongue down the latter's throat, drowning himself deeper to the madness. Whatever he was doing, he didn't know, he couldn't think. Jungwon must not cry anymore.
Jungwon's right hand brought Jay's left hand lower to his butt, squeezing it hard once, twice slowly.
"Ah! Hnng-hyung.." Jungwon's voice made him dizzy. He peeled himself off the wall, and carried Jungwon straight his room. His vision zeroed in to the now splayed out Jungwon on his unmade bed. They carried on with what they were doing earlier, Jay didn't even spare anytime to slip his hand back into Jungwon's pants to squeeze his butt, bringing the younger impossibly closer to him.
Encouraged, Jungwon peeled his pants off altogether, leaving him bare with only an oversized t-shirt that also did nothing to hide his torso. He was about to stroke himself when Jay swatted his hands away. Before he knew it, Jay already had his lips all around him. He was so surprised by the assault that he came in his hyung's mouth just seconds after Jay hummed around his head.
Jay stilled, also surprised by Jungwon's quick climax. He hadn't even touch him one bit.
Jungwon looked like he was about to burst crying again, Jay knew it. Before he said anything, Jay gulped the cum in his mouth, all the while rubbing Jungwon's now wet hole with his thumb. Jay could only see white in Jungwon's eyes.
***
Jay started to kiss Jungwon back up, leaving trail of hickeys from his pelvis to his nubs, careful around his small cock after what happened seconds ago. He tried biting and licking Jungwon's left nub. The smaller belting out another high moan that Jay's sure his neighbour would have heard.
After his first climax, Jungwon's cock did not stop leaking one bit to every little thing he did. Jay was amazed. Suddenly, he didn't want this to end quick. Not after knowing that Jungwon was so easy to tease, he might want to see how far he could hold himself.
But is this what Jungwon wanted, though? He only asked him to kiss. It was irresponsible of him to make Jungwon sin like that.
He stopped his hands, feeling suddenly dirty for taking advantage of Jungwon.
Jungwon rose up, voice still breathy, "Hyung, why did you stop?"
Jay looked up at him, "Jungwon, why did you do this?"
"Did you not want to?"
"I - "
"I have seen how you look at me, hyung. I might be young, but I know what that means. Believe me, it's mutual. I just don't know how to express it or how to address it because I know you'd blame yourself from thinking of me that way.
"It's just that- that tomorrow, everything will change for us! I'm happy, of course, I have been wanting this for so long. But I'm also devastated! I'm dreading for what will we be tomorrow. That's why, for once, just tonight, please think of me of my own? Not the Jungwon kid next door, not your made up younger brother? Just Yang Jungwon. Please?
"I promise I won't tell this to anyone. Just this once."
Jay gulped. He answered Jungwon with the utmost sternness he could muster to his lovely Jungwon, as if he was scolding him for the last time, "Just this once, Jungwon,"
Jungwon looked pissed for one second. He crawled forward to Jay's lap, face inches away. It felt like déjà vu. "Don't act like I'm the only one wanting this, Jay. Don't degrade my feelings," Jungwon palmed his clothed cock, "As wrong as it is for us, it's real," Jay moaned.
Jungwon took off his trouser and boxer at once. Rather than being angry at him for calling him only by his name, Jay was angrier at himself for disappointing Jungwon. He was such a mess. He didn't know if he could face him after this. He would rather die.
While he was still under, Jungwon had already coated his fingers with lube and had the middle one inside him. Jungwon's moans brought him back to the situation he was in. Right, he was about to fuck his soon to be step-brother. The one he had been silently crushing on for years.
At least, that will only happen tomorrow, so tonight he might just forget everything and have fun while it lasts. Moreover, it's his lovely dongsaeng who begged for it. He promised he will forget this tomorrow, so he will.
He brought another finger to Jungwon, scissoring him deep. Jungwon's breath stuttered. "That's it.. More, hyung. Please"
"You only call me hyung when you beg," Jay said.
"You always get hard when I say that,"
That got Jungwon another hard thrust with another finger. Jungwon mewled high, Jay must have hit the spot.
"You're filthy when you drunk, Jungwon,"
"You must have- ah," Jungwon bounced harder to Jay's fingers, "regretted not letting me drink earlier,"
Jay kept quiet.
"We could have done this earlier, if only you pushed your morning wood harder to mine every time you sleep over mine. I like being fucked unconscious, hyung,"
That did it for Jay. He threw Jungwon back down on the bed, legs spread and bent in half. He thrust himself in right up to the hilt. Jungwon screamed from the sudden intrusion, "This is why I. Didn't. Fuck. You," Jay said with every hard thrust.
Jungwon is now outright crying from pleasure, voice scratchy. "You're fucking loud, like a virgin,"
"I-I was, until seconds ago, hyung. Hah, congrats,"
Jay stopped. How could he forget. Jungwon had spent all his puberty with him, or with his Mother. He never had any other friends over at his place because he was too shy. It was even hard for him to befriend Jungwon in the first place.
He felt like breaking down from all the mess he'd done to Jungwon tonight. He can never be someone he relied on.
Might as well ruin it.
Jungwon screamed louder at his thrusts. Jay tried to silenced him with his kisses, now tasting his own tears with it too. Shame, hatred, anger, and regret all blended into one, and he had nobody but himself to blame.
"Hyung, don't cry," Jungwon croaked, wiping Jay's tears, "I will never hate you, you will always be my best hyung,"
Jay cried harder.
"I love you, hyung. Ahk- "
The sudden confession brought Jay to his climax. His eyes were blinded for a few seconds from how hard he cum. He blinked a few times until his sight cleared back out. Catching his breath, he looked at Jungwon who is now unconscious below him. He couldn't believe what he had done with him, moreover of what he said at the end of their fucking.
He brushed Jungwon's hair out of his face, then kissed his forehead softly. Silently crying over the fact that they are going to be legitimate brothers from tomorrow. Whatever they are having now must come to an end.
With that bitter realization, Jay fell asleep.
***
Jay was only 13 when he saw the Yang family moved next door. His Mom had just passed away, and he was still in puberty so he didn't care about them. That, until he saw the Yang's son who smiled so bright with his deep dimples. Since then, he was only thinking of ways how to see those smile everyday. He had wanted to make the boy his. He was just not sure how.
First, he made sure that he became Jungwon's most reliable older brother. Then he tried to gain Jungwon Mother's trust because she could be a bit protective over her own son. He wouldn't blame her for it, her son is the most beautiful, brilliant, and brave person he ever met. Third, he'd confess to Jungwon once he's a legal adult. He just thought that it was the most proper way to go.
He just didn't expect his own Dad to remarry the mother of the one person he wanted to spend his life with.
He now sees Jungwon walking up the altar with his Mother. Looking ever so beautiful with those dimples, identical to his soon to be Mom. Those fatal dimples, he scoffed. He bet his Dad had fell in love for the same reason too.
He also bet that this was what Jungwon must have wanted too, for his Mother to find the best man for herself. During their sleepovers, Jungwon had always talked about how his Mother struggled to raise him alone. Not to mention that she was still struggling from the loss of his late Father when he was still 5 years old. Ever thoughtful Jungwon had wished that his Mother would have someone else to lean on.
Knowing Mrs. Yang, Jay genuinely wished her the same. So here he is. Sitting on the front row bench, watching his Dad exchanging vows with Jungwon's Mother.
He looked to the side, to the bench across him, to his Jungwon. He could see Jungwon tearing up when his Mother finally said I do too. Even when he cried, he looked so beautiful.
Jungwon smiled at his Mother; his mother too was smiling and crying happily at him.
Jay felt his cheeks wet. He took one last look to Jungwon, unable to see his Dad and Jungwon's- now his Mom, kissed. It felt surreal.
Jungwon mouthed to Jay, "I do,"
***