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1
Caleb hears his facetime ring and answers with his hair in disarray and a pen behind his ear, grading in progress. Len says, “Caleb you have to get over here, we miss you man.”
“Ugh I shouldn’t, I’ve got my whole other section when I finish this stack.”
Billy says, “Come on, it can wait, you’ve been stuck doing school work all week!”
Caleb says, “You really want me to come?” a little flush rising in his cheeks.
Billy smiles and says, “Yeah I really want you to come.” Caleb twirls his pen, considering.
Len says, “That’s my man! Get over here!”
Caleb starts, then pauses, and says, “Oh shit I really can’t, I have to finish this by the end of the week. Next time for sure!”
Billy hangs up the call, and his posture hangs lower, tenser. Len leans back and says, “Oh man I am the token straight friend”
Billy twists to face him and says, “Wait. What? I’m straight too?”
Len narrows his eyes a little. “Oh, I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to, but it’s mutual by the way - congrats!”
Billy takes a deep breath and sits back into the couch. “Uh I don’t know where you’re getting this but - you’re wrong.”
“No man I’m actually good at this stuff ever since I took that body language intensive workshop- you’re totally into each other. It’s cool”
Billy shrugs and says, “Whatever, everybody experiments. I’m totally straight.”
Len says “Not everybody. Mostly just bi people experiment with being bi.”
Billy says, “You’re kidding right? You just finished having a ‘bi phase’ dude.”
Len says, “No, I just finished having a phase of thinking I could convince myself to be bi. Then I remembered my type is pretty definitely women.”
Billy says, “Yeah, man, so is mine.” He pauses. “I mean. Sure I liked-” Billy lets out a shaky breath. “I’ve liked women forever. Boobs are the best!”
“Yeah oh man I love boobs.” Thanks Len.
“Who doesn’t? Gay dudes” Billy says nodding “ - so I can’t be gay. I mean, I’m in love with Karen!”
“I get that but when I was reading about being bi that’s what a lot of people tell themselves when they’re closeted… you can be into both of them.”
Billy just softly says “Fuck.”
---
Billy sits down on his bed, resisting the urge to work out, knowing he wouldn’t be able to stop himself counting reps to perfect numbers. He had gotten home without remembering how little difference there is between how he feels about Karen and Caleb, now that he’s thought about it. And fuck, it isn’t just about the sex, because on some level it could just be that a mouth is a mouth and he trusts Caleb not to be awful. But. Having his arm around Caleb feels exactly the fucking same as holding Karen. Except that she always tells him to get off her after a couple minutes and Caleb would just snuggle in.
2
As they walk, Caleb plays with Benicio's fingers where they are intertwined with his own. “I can’t believe you got to kiss Billy.”
“What? You did a lot more than that,” Benicio says, a little confused.
“I kind of only sucked his dick.” Caleb says, rubbing the back of his neck. “It was a pretty specific moment, and we were interrupted before we could get to anything else. I never got to kiss him.”
“You didn’t seem jealous when it happened.”
“I was jealous of both of you, actually, but I was more amazed at how beautiful you both were.” Caleb pulls Benicio's hand up to touch his mouth, plants a tender peck across Benicio's knuckles. “I like seeing you settle into a kiss. Your whole body shifts, and Billy got to feel that for the first time. And I was imagining what you’d be feeling too.”
“It felt pretty great,” Benicio admits.
“He's a good kisser?”
Benicio turns forward to continue down the rocky trail. They ought to be able to watch the sun go down from the overlook and get back to Caleb's car right as the last light fades. “That and I knew you were watching and excited. Billy's cute but I think I was doing it more for your benefit.”
“Whoa. Thank you for that. I did really like it, but I don't want you to feel like you have to - push yourself I guess. I don't want to pressure you to be doing things you don't really want” Caleb says haltingly.
“Well, what I want is you, but you want me - and Billy, and to fuck other people.”
“I mean just because I want to do that, and I want you to be ok with that because I love and I want to be with you but exclusivity is not really realistic for me… just because I do that doesn't mean you have to too though.” They come to the overlook to see an orange sun hovering just above the horizon.
Benicio lets go of Caleb’s hand to lean onto the railing. “I'm not interested in getting all jealous and bitchy if you're out fucking Billy or whoever while I'm sitting at home watching the clock.”
Caleb takes a deep breath as he settles next to Benicio. “But you don't think you'll be jealous if you're fucking him too?”
“It's not about fucking the same person, it's about me not expecting you to be home every night, because I won't be either.” Benicio fidgets with his nails.
“So you don’t care whether I fuck other people as long as you can too?” Caleb glances at Benicio.
“Sure, if we are both doing it then there’s no reason to get jealous. I'll have people to see and not always be on your schedule.”
“I get that. If you’re still interested in fucking other people though, why did you want to be exclusive?”
“I love you Caleb, and I want to be with you. I wanted to show you that and see if you wanted to be with me. Then we got married. It doesn’t seem to matter so much if you fool around with other people now that you promised to always love me.”
“I do - absolutely I do. Always.”
Benicio sighs. “I don't get why you would lie about not wanting to fuck other people though. I’m still pissed at you about that.”
“I'm sorry baby. I really didn't think I was lying when I said it. I just really wanted you to know that what we have is real and that I would do anything for you. But I didn't think about how hard that would be, or how hurt you would be if you found out I couldn't keep to what I said.”
Benicio turns to look directly at Caleb. “Don't act like it's out of your control, you chose to hook up with Billy after you told me you only wanted to be with me.”
“I do!” Caleb looks at the golden orange halo of clouds in front of them. “I- I want to be with you. There's just also a big part of me that can't understand why messing around with Billy has to get in the way of loving you. Because I do love you with every part of me.”
Benicio sighs and turns back to the view. “Except the part that wants to kiss Billy.”
“That part too really. That part of me wants to kiss you and kiss him, and to be open to making connections however it feels right at the time.”
Benicio leans over to rest his head on Caleb's shoulder. “I guess I know that. It's why I think we can make this work. You'll stay present with me when we're together right, not be thinking of anyone else?”
Caleb pulls him close to kiss the top of his head. “Of course I'll be with you completely. I can't help it when I'm with you, my whole head is full of you.” Caleb pulls away a little to stretch his back, and says, “Let's go back to the car before it gets dark.”
Benicio adjusts his bag on his shoulders and leads the way on the narrow path in the fading light. Caleb passes the time by telling Benicio reasons he's so irresistible, gradually getting sillier and more grandiose. By the time they reach the car they are both flushed with laughter, love, and the last push of exertion. When they get their bags and boots stowed in the trunk, they each can't seem to drag themselves away from the other, and so Caleb finds himself with his back against the doors of the car trading kisses with Benicio.
Benicio stops his hands from wandering below Caleb's waistline and murmurs, “We should get back.”
“What's your rush, I'd rather keep touching you,” Caleb teases.
Benicio looks around, dubious.
“There's no one around baby, it's up to you,” Caleb says softly, and sneaks a touch along Benicio's hem. Benicio nods and leans in to kiss Caleb a little more urgently, with more intent.
Caleb rubs over the expanse of skin hidden under Benicio's shirt and presses his lips to Benicio's neck. Benicio lets out a soft moan as Caleb's lips trail down the V of his shirt and one hand slides down to the front of his pants. Both hands then slide back around Benicio's waist and Caleb's mouth kisses it's way sideways toward a nipple. Caleb lifts the shirt out of the way completely to suck on it, and Benicio lets his head fall back to rest on the top of the car.
Caleb tries to keep things from getting too intense out in the open, but his hands are too used to undressing his lover to stay away from what he wants most. He corrects himself each time they stray to Benicio’s cock until he finds it fully hard, and Benicio clearly isn’t interested in stopping. With one last glance down the road to check there’s no one coming, and there isn’t, Caleb drops to his knees and opens Benicio’s pants.
Benicio gasps as Caleb’s mouth slides suddenly onto the length of him. He fights the urge to thrust as Caleb pushes further with each bob of his head. But then Caleb stops abruptly, stands, and says, “I want to ride you.”
“Oh my god baby I am not fucking you on the side of the road! You can finish sucking me off in the backseat or you can drive us home.” Benicio laughs at Caleb’s sex dazed pout and says, “If you can wait it’ll be worth it. We could take our time in that big bed.”
“I can wait for you to fuck me” Caleb decides, and kisses Benicio.
Caleb drives them home, both of them a little giggly and holding hands the whole way. They make it into the apartment with only a couple distracted stumbles and plenty of wandering touches. Caleb crowds Benecio against the wall next to their bed, kneeling to return exactly to where they left off. This time there’s no shyness and Benicio is quick to get all clothes out of the way of what could be skin touching skin. Caleb braces his hands on Benicio’s hips and slides his tongue on Benicio’s dick, taking his time and tilting his head up to catch Benicio’s gaze and make a show of himself.
Panting, Benicio says, "You still want to ride me?" When Caleb nods, groaning as he backs off Benicio's dick, Benicio almost loses his balance in his rush to get to their newly canopied bed. The nested feeling of the canopy and new sheets they picked together suits how cozy they feel when they go to bed each night,
Caleb uses his relative coordination to retrieve the condoms and lube from the drawer on his way. He drops them next to Benicio, and swings one leg over his lover to straddle him where he lay, leaning down to kiss him. The friction of Caleb's own cock beside Benecio's burns out the last of his patience.
Benicio is already almost frantic in his need, just having the sense to coat his fingers with lube and reach between their bodies. Caleb shifts up to allow Benecio to slide across his asshole, and uses the space to put the condom on Benicio. Their panting kiss devolves into shaky moaning once Benicio's slick hand slides over his own covered dick and Caleb's body chases it down from tip to hilt.
Benicio moans as he revels in the tight heat that feels like it surrounds his entire body. Caleb's hands find their way to intertwine with Benicio's as he shifts his hips in small rhythmic circles, seeking the perfect angle.
Caleb throws his head back after Benicio steadies his grip so Caleb can use his arms to brace his rise and fall. His hips snap up and down, his lips parted and pink.
Benicio moves a hand to Caleb's dick, sliding as Caleb fucks himself. Benicio's climax rolls over him like a wave, holding him under the water of his ecstasy until he gasps in its relief.
Caleb covers Benicio's loosened hand with his own, Ieading himself to his own moaning and shaking crescendo. He presses their mouths together in a final fierce kiss before pressing his forehead against Benicio's to catch his breath.
3
Karen: 🍆😉
Billy: 😘👍
Their breathing back to normal, Karen starts to fumble around for her clothes.
Billy says, “Just stay, it’s fine.”
“I don’t wanna stay with you tonight Billy I shouldn’t have come over at all” Karen snaps.
Billy sits up to say, “But Karen I love you! I wanna be with you, I want you to love me why won’t you give me a chance?”
Karen pulls on her pants and straightens her shirt. “That’s why Billy! You have to stop saying this shit! It’s too much! It’s just too much!”
Billy starts, “But why-”
“Look,” Karen says, “you’re sweet and a good lay but that’s all. That’s all I can handle man.”
“What do you mean all you can-” but she’s out the door already.
4
Karen hangs out with Caleb the next day on their lunch breaks and tells Caleb, “He just wanted to talk about feelings. I hate talking about feelings.”
“Because of the whole thing with Malcolm?”
“Ugh yeah probably whatever, shut up you’re doing it too. I just want to get over it and every time Billy is sweet I remember how much moving hurt and I don’t want that. I just want to fucking get laid and follow my dumb dreams.”
Caleb says, “Then do that. Look, Billy wants to be this suave macho hookup guy, but he’s really not. He’s not gonna stop having feelings every time you hook up because the whole thing is about feelings for him. He goes on one date and starts dreaming about shacking up. He’s basically a hairy lesbian.”
“I don't think you're supposed to say that.”
5
Len called Karen to see if she wanted to meet up, and she had invited him to Tatiana’s house, they were all due for a shirtless dance party.
Billy is sitting on the couch poking at his cuticles and looking at little bit at a loss when Len comes in and asks, “Where are the girls?”
Billy says, “About an hour ago Tatiana asked Karen if she wanted to do something called ‘yoni steaming’ and when I asked what that was they both just started shouting VAGINAS at me and disappeared so like - I have no idea.”
“No Caleb yet?” Len asks.
“He says he has one thing he has to drop off before he comes - we’re the first.” Billy rubs a palm on the fabric of his pants. Len can tell from his keen understanding of body language that Billy is trying to build up courage to speak, so waits him out. Billy finally says, “When I think about what it feels like to see Caleb or Karen smile at me it’s the same. But then when I’m actually with Karen it seems like I can never say the right thing to her and we end up mad at each other every time.”
“That’s rough buddy.”
“I think she can tell I’m more into Caleb. Am I gay? Is my whole life a lie?” Billy needs to calm down before he starts to panic.
“Don’t worry about it dude. How you feel about Caleb now doesn’t change how you felt about anyone before. You’re probably bi. And you probably don’t like Karen as much because she's a huge bitch, especially to guys she likes. It’s kind of her thing.” Len sees the wheels turning and asks Billy to help him juice fruit for margaritas.
6
A few minutes later Caleb comes in and Len turns to give him a hug, saying, “You made it!”
“Why aren’t there jams? I was promised shirtless dance party!” Caleb says “Fortunately, I just finished a new playlist.”
As Caleb gets his phone set up with Tatiana’s speakers and unbuttons, Billy ducks outside and starts breathing in through his mouth and out through his nose as he hears the opening licks of Foreigner’s I Wanna Know What Love Is. Tatiana comes out a door on another side of the patio, and, seeing his face, asks, “Can I help you breathe?”
Billy nods yes, so Tatiana puts a hand on his lower ribs and says, “Breathe starting from my hand and fill your lungs going up from there. In for a count of 5… 4… 3… 2… 1, hold for these 2… 1, and out for 5… 4… 3… 2… 1.” and repeats that until Billy’s breathing is less shaky and his face is less shattered looking. Tatiana looks him hard in the eye, but instead of saying anything further she just winks and floats back inside.
Caleb walks out, and Billy walks over to him. Caleb lifts his hands to hold Billy loosely at the arms and says, “You looked upset. Are things ok?” Billy drops his head on Caleb chest, and Caleb gathers him into a hug. Billy lets the hug settle into his body for a moment before lifting his head, to see Caleb now gazing into his eyes.
“Everything seems so confusing and things I thought I knew aren’t the way I thought they were and everything’s messed up with Karen and you’re with Benicio - I know you’re with Benicio I tried to fuck up your wedding because I’m an asshole and I don’t” - his breath hitches- “know what to do and then you look at me like that and I-”
“And you what?” Caleb asks
“I-” Billy rubs at his eye, “you look at me and I know I want to kiss you.”
“So kiss me.”
Billy raises his lips like a dam released. His hands move from a loose resting place on Caleb's back to a desperate grip on Caleb's hips as he straightens into Caleb's space. Their hands roar over each other's bodies and they kiss between gasps for air.
Caleb runs his fingers up to cradle Billy's head, sweeps a thumb over Billy's swollen mouth. Billy leans in to press their cheeks together and keeps breathing.
7
“Pink or green to go see Freckle?” Benicio asked, holding two shirts for Caleb to judge.
“Oh I love the pink one on you,” Caleb says. “ I think I’m gonna invite Billy over while you’re out with Freckle.”
Benicio, “You think that’s a good idea?”
Caleb looks up sharply, “What do you mean? I thought we were cool with the whole non-exclusive thing?
Benicio controls his urge to roll his eyes as he puts on the shirt, “Yeah, but Billy? The trainwreck who tried to sabotage our wedding? Drunk kissing is one thing, but that sounds like a date.”
“I mean, it is a date? What's wrong with that?”
Benicio says, “He’s obviously infatuated with you and frankly I’m not sure how fair it is for you to be even kissing him.”
“I - what do you mean fair?” Caleb asks.
“What if he wants what we have? What if he wants marriage and commitment and dogs and kids and all the rest?” Benicio watches Caleb come sit next to him on the bed, lets him join their hands.
Caleb says, “Just because I want that with you doesn’t mean I won’t want that with him too. Maybe he will want that, but with someone else? It’s just one date, not a proposal.”
Benicio rubs his thumb over the back of Caleb's fingers. “I guess so. Maybe I’m just still afraid that you’ll find out you want to choose him.”
Caleb says, “That could never happen.” He gets in Benicio’s space and looks in his eyes. “I love you baby. I’m in this. If you think for one second I’ll ever let you get away you’re the wrongest a person could ever be. I married you didn’t I?”
“Yeah, like half so I wouldn’t be deported.”
Caleb stops him, “No. Hey - no. I married you because I love you and I’m never letting anything keep us apart again.” He leans in to kiss Benicio lightly.
Caleb looks into Benicio’s eyes and holds both of his hands tightly. “I’ll always come home to you baby, I could never not love you. Maybe I could fall for Billy too, but I already fell for you, and that's not gonna change.”
“You’re perfect.”
“No, you’re perfect.”