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Athena put Buck in her squad car in the back.
Secretly locked in, just in case. Buck didn’t know that though.
She shooed away the first responders that were called. The paramedics wanted to check Buck out but he refused them. Once Buck said no, Athena made sure to put a wall in between them and Buck. Buck might have several inches on her but he was able to hide easily enough trying to get away.
He didn’t want them to touch him. He didn’t want them to know more than they had to. He was a first responder himself and he knew that they most likely knew who he was. Buck could feel the curling of shame creep up his spine at being seen like this. He really did try to find a nice quiet place to spend his last few minutes. He wondered who called the police. He hadn’t seen any cars pass him but then again, he wasn’t really paying attention to anything around him.
He was far too lost in his head to notice if someone saw him and decided they needed to call the police. He must have been a sight to see. He just hoped this wasn’t going to be on the news. Buck already had enough publicity as it was, especially after the lawsuit. He didn’t need this either. He could see it now.
‘Local Firefighter who Suited the City Attempted Suicide!’
Buck closed his eyes hard in shame as he felt tears gather in his eyelashes.
He’ll be nothing but a joke. He was a joke. Buck knows he told Athena he’ll fight for her, but it was hard to imagine that fight. How was he possibly supposed to move on now? He would eventually have to tell Bobby and as his Captain, Bobby would have to take him off the job until he was better, mentally stable.
He was going to lose his job. Buck couldn’t imagine getting better.
Buck stared at the window, feeling a tremendous pull to leave the car and go back to the edge of the bridge again. Just take the leap like he planned. He would have to get a running start though. A lot of people were around and would certainly catch him if he tried to be casual about it.
He was hyper focused on the spot where he was. He could see the very tip of water from his seat. He could barely see the water in the dark but there were a lot of lights from the first responders. He could tentatively see the calm smooth gentle pull and back as the water moved up and down.
It was calling to him.
He was second away from pulling the handle when the driver side door opened. Buck jumped startled at the sudden movement. He wasn’t paying attention and didn’t realize that Athena was done taking the heat for him. Another thing he felt shameful for and guilty about. Athena was fighting a battle that he had long ago given up on.
She shouldn’t have to do that. Buck thought to himself. She shouldn’t be fighting for someone who didn’t want to fight for himself.
“Hey,” Athena called to him gently, she was twisted around to look at him. “How are you doing?”
Buck huffed weakly. What type of question was that?
“Yeah, stupid question.” Athena admitted. “But I need to know how you are mentally right now. Be honest.”
Buck looked back outside again towards the water.
“Are you still thinking about jumping?” She asked softly. “It’s okay if you are. Well it’s not okay, okay, but I want you to be honest with me Buck. So I can help you.”
“Yea,” Buck blinked and looked away from the water towards Athena. “I thought about sneaking out of this car, getting a running start and just taking the leap over.”
Athena sucked in breath. She was glad that she had locked the car more so now than ever. Since Buck didn’t mention the locked door Athena could only assume that he hadn’t tried to escape yet. He had only got as far as thinking about it.
“I know that this is going to be hard baby, but I’m going to be here every step of the way.” Athena reassured him.
“I feel guilty.” Buck told her. “You shouldn’t have to fight my battles. I’m sorry you had to get in between me and your coworkers.”
“Don’t be.” Athena’s tone was firm. “I will gladly fight any battle for you. If you need me, me being in between anyone that would hurt you, is exactly where I want to be. That’s what family does.”
Buck sucked in a shaky breath while wiping his face frantically to clear away the fallen tears. He remembered saying something similar to Maddie one time. No one has ever said that back to him. It was always him protecting others, and never the other way around.
Buck felt overwhelmed. No one was ever in his corner like Athena was right now. He had always been alone. Even when he thought he had someone, he was always proven wrong.
Buck hoped that Athena meant what she said. He would never take Athena for a lair, but past experience was hindering him.
Buck didn’t want to be proven wrong again.
“I don’t know what to do anymore.” Buck sobbed. “I don’t know what to do. I need help, Athena.”
“Well the first step is knowing you have a problem and admitting you need help to fix that problem.” Athena stated gently. “You’ve already done that. I’m here for you and I’m going to make sure you get that help; whatever you need. You will get it.”
“Bobby can’t know.” Buck told her through his sobs. “If he finds out what I did, I’ll for sure lose my job.”
“Now, none of that.” She told him determinedly. “I will make sure that Bobby won’t find out tonight but he will be told of this. He needs to know.”
“Athena-” Buck tried to convince otherwise but Athena held up her hand.
“You’re not going to lose your job.” she stated knowingly. “You’re a first responder who has had multiple traumas. If you need time off to handle it then Bobby and the Fire Dept have to give you that time. I will make sure of it, understand?”
“A-Are you sure?” Buck asked tentatively like a child.
“Positive.” Athena gave her word. It broke her heart that Buck didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell people that he needed a break and that he needed help.
She was going to have a word with her husband and a few other people. They were on her shit list but they were safe for tonight. Tonight she’ll focus on Buck and making sure that he was safe before going after the people who hurt her baby.
“Okay.” He replied quietly. “So, what do we do now?”
“We are going home and I’m going to take care of you.” Athena told him as she turned around to drive.
“My apartment?” he questioned with almost a hopeful tone. In hindsight, he would rather go there than to her house with Bobby waiting for them.
“Boy, you know exactly where we’re going.” She raised a brow to him.
“But Bobby-”
“Bobby will not be an issue.” She assured him. “He’s there but I’m going to make him leave. You are going to stay in the car until I tell you to come in. You’re not even going to see him.”
“I can’t have you do that!” Buck protested. “That’s Bobby’s home! I can’t have you kick him out.”
“Boy, I may have married him but that house was mine long before he ever came into the picture and if I want him gone, then he’s gone.”
“That’s not completely fair to him Athena.” He said. “I don’t want him to be kicked out of the house.”
“Well, maybe I want to.” She stated. “I honestly don’t want to be near my husband right now. I may start something that I will regret later. I need time to cool down and you need time to settle. It’s for the best if Bobby is gone for a little while.”
“Where would he go?”
“I’ll ask Michael to put him up for the night and maybe tomorrow too. Does that sound okay to you?” Athena asked, discreetly looking at Buck through the rear view mirror.
“Yeah, okay.” Buck’s voice was small again like a child.
Athena wished she wasn’t driving at the moment so she could wrap her arms around the painful obvious broken man in the back of her car.
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They pulled up to Athena’s house in silence. She didn’t park in her driveway like she normally would. She parked off to the side, so that when Bobby left he wouldn’t see Buck in her car.
Buck really didn’t want to talk about what had happened anymore and Athena didn’t want to push for more. It was already a long night, it was going to be even longer. Athena already had plans in motion in her head to set Buck up with the best support system she could give.
First, she had to get Bobby out of the house. A small, small, very tiny part of her felt bad for kicking him out of the house but the majority of her knew it needed to happen and didn’t feel an ounce of sympathy.
Once parked, Buck’s eyes instantly locked onto Bobby’s car off in the distance. Athena noticed right away the doubt and shame creeping back in.
“Everything’s already. I’m going to get Bobby out of the house and you won’t even see him. Promise. Stay here.” Athena instructed before getting out of the car. She made sure to lock the doors again to ensure that Buck couldn’t sneak out while no one was looking.
She didn’t want to leave him alone but she had to do this part on her own without Buck involved.
Her home was quiet and peaceful. Nothing like the chaotic world outside right now. She instantly felt a little better in the comfort of her own home but she prepared herself to bring that outside chaos in with her.
She first checked on her kids. Harry was sleeping peacefully and undisturbed by the horror of the world. May was the same. Athena really didn’t want to disrupt that but she needed May’s help for this.
“M-mom?” May stumbled in her half sleep state. “Wh-what’s going on?”
“I need your help May.” Athena state quietly. “I know it’s late but I need you to get up.”
“Harry?” May woke up instantly as the worry in her mother’s voice. “What’s wrong? Is it Harry? Dad? Bobby?”
“No baby.” Athena tried to smile but it turned into a grimace. She was proud of her daughter’s concern for her family. “I’ll explain later but right now I need you to get up and get the guest bedroom ready. I need you to go in there and take out anything that might be used to harm someone.”
“Mom, what?” May’s eyes widened. “Are we in danger? What’s going on?”
“We’re not in danger. I will explain everything once everyone is settled. It’s not for our safety. It’s to protect the person who's going to be sleeping there tonight.”
May’s eyes returned to normal but a dark shadow overtook them. She understood what her mother wasn’t saying. May, of all people, would know exactly what was going on. Someone, like herself, had tried to kill themselves and her mother was trying to protect them from further harming themselves.
“Shouldn’t they be going to the hospital?” May asked as Athena got up.
“Normally, I would say yes, but this isn’t a normal situation. Now, please May, no more questions. Just do what I asked as quickly as you can. I have to speak to Bobby.”
May didn’t have time to even reply before her mother was out and going to her bedroom. May jumped out of her bed and went to do what her mom had asked her to do. As May started to get things in order, her thoughts were circling her head.
Who was it? Did she know them? Her mom must know them since she was doing this? Did they really try to kill themselves? How? Why?
May didn’t have any answers and she hoped that her mother would keep her word and explain everything to her later.
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Athena took a big breath before going to the bedroom that she and Bobby shared together. This was going to be hard. She already called Michael after speaking with May to make sure he was awake and about to house Bobby. Athena didn’t go in a lot of details with Michael, it wasn’t the time or her place to do so just yet. He took her word for it and told her that Bobby was always welcome to stay with him and David.
When Athena opened her door, she was meet with a soft light emanating from the room.
Bobby was still up, reading a book. Probably waiting for her to come home.
“Hey,” she called out to him with mixed emotions.
“Hey Athena. Welcome home.” Bobby smiled at her, so warm and welcoming. Athena wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with him and forget everything that happened tonight.
But she couldn’t.
He was part of the problem.
“We need to talk.” Athena cut right to the chase. She couldn’t beat around this bush. Buck was waiting for her outside, alone in her car. She couldn’t be delayed any more than she had to be.
“Ah-oh, that doesn’t sound so good.” Bobby jokingly said with a smile, but it faded when Athena kept her face serious and straight. “What’s going on? What happened?”
“I can’t go into a lot of details right now, but I need you to pack a bag and go to Michaels’.” Athena told him as she dragged a duffle bag from their closet.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Bobby jumped out of bed. “Why do I need to leave? Athena, can’t we talk about this? If it’s something you think I did, do I have a say before you kick me out?”
“At this time, no.” She stated sternly. “And for the record, it was something you did, there’s no thinking about it. However, it wasn’t what you did to me.”
“That’s very vague. How can I correct it if you’re not going to tell me what I did wrong?” Bobby asked, confused.
“I can’t go into details right now, but I need you to leave. We can start trying to fix this tomorrow.” Athena replied. She never stopped packing and was soon finished. She heaved the bag onto the bed closer to Bobby. “That should hold you over for the night. I already spoke to Micheal about you coming over. He’s waiting for you.”
“Athena, I love you,” Bobby said slowly. “But I’m not leaving until you explain to me why you are doing this or at least give me a damn good reason for why you’re kicking me out.”
“Bobby, I had a very rough but enlightening call tonight.” Athena explained tightly. She was tense and she wanted nothing more than to start yelling and cursing and screaming at Bobby for what he had done, but she couldn’t. Buck needed her to be the level head Sergeant that she was.
“Okay…” Bobby waited for more details.
“I want nothing more than to scream at you.” Athena admitted. She watched as Bobby’s eyes grew big with shock and concern. “I’m barely holding it together with you in this room. So, for the sake of both of us and our marriage, I need you to go to Michaels’ right now.”
“Okay, okay…” Bobby picked up the bag knowing that Athena was serious. He was thin ice and he didn’t know why. “You promise that you will call me tomorrow to explain everything.”
“I will try.” Athena told him. “Trust me, Bobby I want to tell you right here, right now, exactly what you did and how I feel about it. But this isn’t about me. The person you hurt, doesn’t want you to know about this. Not yet anyway. I’m keeping my promise. So please, go to Michaels’ and once I’m able to tell you, I will. That I can promise you.”
“Alright, then. I guess I don’t have a choice.” Bobby spoke.
“No you don’t.” Athena told him. “Drive safely.”
“I’ll text you once I get to Michaels’?” Bobby asked more than stated. He wasn’t sure what was allowed anymore.
“Please.” Athena nodded. She might not like her husband right now, but she still cared about him and wanted him safe.
“I hope whatever is happening that you’re safe and I hope we can resolve this.”
“I’m safe. I hope we can resolve this for everyone’s sake.” Athena stated.
With that Bobby left. He tried to kiss her but she turned her head in a clear rejection. She might still care about him, but not enough to want him to touch her. She still couldn’t believe what had transpired under her own roof and she didn’t even realize it.
“Mom?” May came up behind her. “I saw Bobby leave. The guest room is ready. Can you please tell me what’s going on.”
Athena sighed. She had to tell May and she wasn’t sure how her daughter was going to handle it.
“May,” Athena grabbed her daughter’s arms and rubbed them, more in comfort for herself than her daughter. “I know you have an idea of what’s going on.”
“Did someone try to kill themselves?” May asked.
“Yes.” Athena answered.
“You know them?”
“We do.” Athena corrected.
“What did they do?”
“They tried to jump off a bridge that was about 30 stories high.”
“Why?”
“That’s a very loaded question.” Athena told her. “Not even I know all the details but it's bad, baby.”
“Who was it?” May could already feel tears coming trying to think of who in their family it could’ve been. She felt sick knowing that one of their own felt bad enough like she did that they would want to take their own life.
“It was Buck.”
May gasped and pulled away from her mother. Tears were cascading over at the revelation. Buck was one of the kindest people she knew and was grateful to call family. Who could’ve made him so down and out that he felt like he had to remove himself from this world?
“What, why?”
“I don’t know the full details baby, but I do know that there were a lot of things and it all came to a head tonight.”
“What do we do?” May asked. “How do we help him?”
“Tonight, we will be there for him and make sure he doesn’t try to harm himself again. Tomorrow, we will start fresh and try to make sense of everything.” Athena told her daughter.
“Right.” May nodded.
“I’m going to go get him. You stay out of sight for a little while. I don’t know how he’ll react to you seeing him like this and know the truth of what happened. He didn’t want Bobby to know which is one of the reasons why I had asked him leave.”
“Okay, Mom.” May turned to leave. “Call for me if you need me.”
“You got it baby.” Athena watched her daughter go back to her room quietly and Athena had to steel herself once more to go get Buck from her car.
Athena felt immense relief at seeing Buck still in her cruiser. Granted, she had locked him in so he couldn’t leave but it didn’t seem like he tried to and that was a win in her book.
“Buck, honey, Bobby’s gone and I have the room set up for you. Why don’t we get you cleaned up and let’s go to bed for the night?”
“Are you sure I can stay here?” Buck asked as he hesitantly got out of the car. “I should probably be in a psych ward after everything I tried to do. I don’t want to be a burden on you and your family.”
“Of course it’s okay. You really think I was going to let them take you and have the media make you a pariah? And I don’t care what anyone says, you are my family, you will never be a burden.” Athena forced a smile. It was breaking her heart to hear Buck questioning everything that he was to her. That simply staying over her house in his time of need was unfathom to him.
“I just don’t want you to get in trouble for my actions.” Buck informed her as they made it into the house. “Aren’t you going to get in trouble by taking me home and not the hospital?”
Athena sighed and stopped.
“I’m not going to lie to you Buck, I’ll most likely get in trouble at work for pulling the stunt I did tonight, but that’s not on you.” Athena told him as she cupped his check to make him look at her. “I chose to bring you here because you need someone in your corner. I’m more than willing to be that person. If you feel like you need to go the hospital, I will take you there right now. But I know you don’t like hospitals on a good day and once they find out who you are the press and media will be all over this. I want to protect you from that as much as I can. Will you let me?”
“I-I want to.” Buck’s voice cracked. “I want that. I really need help! I don’t know what else to do! I don’t want the media to find out about what I did. I’ll be the laughing stock of the state. I really don’t want to go to the hospital but I can still feel it. It’s not as bad but I still feel like jumping over that bridge. I’m scared, Athena!”
“Oh, baby! Come here!” Athena hugged Buck like her life depended on it. She rubbed his back and his arms, wherever she could. “I’m here. I’m right here. I know you feel bad but I’m here for you and I will help you through this.”
Buck nodded as he clung to her. He sobbed into her shoulder. Breaking down again. How many times did Buck break down this week? He couldn’t tell you, but it felt good to have someone there this time around.
“Okay, Buck, baby. Let’s get you cleaned up and into bed, okay?”
Buck sniffed while nodding. Getting Buck to take a shower and into bed was a quiet affair. He was asleep before he even knew what hit him. Athena stayed by his side throughout the entire night, only allowing May in when she had to leave the room for the bathroom or to get more coffee.
Buck stayed asleep the entire night. Athena hoped that he might feel better in the morning. As she sat there watching Buck sleep, she couldn’t help but think and plot what her next move was going to be.
Buck had told her a lot of things on that bridge. A lot of things that she had no idea where happening. She had a lot of people to talk to, starting with that husband of hers’