Work Text:
Bananoir:
30 years old
_______________________________
Male
75001 Paris, France
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“I’m not a snack, I’m a whole meal!”
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I’m here to make friends!
We can watch sappy movies together and cry over being single while eating ice cream together.
Stay Peachy! 😉
Status: Never Married
Height: 6’ 1” (186cm)
Body Type: Athletic, Muscular
Kids: No, but I’m a possible daddy.
Smoke: No
Drink: Social Drinker (Milk)
Adrien stared at his profile that he had created to make new friends. He was tired of being alone and craved having a connection with someone. Nino had told him about Meetup.com, but he had remembered it wrong and instead had signed up for Match.com. It was a popular dating website, but to Adrien it was a wonderful place to hope to make new friends. So, there he was staring at his own profile before going off to search for some.
One profile popped up that caught his interest. It was a woman with midnight-hued hair and gorgeous bluebell eyes. He smiled and got lost in the freckles that dusted her cheekbones and cascaded over the bridge of her nose. Her pouty lips were cute and all he wanted to do was kiss them, but he shook his head. Friends, he was making friends not more than that. But he found himself reading her bio anyway.
Sarah:
29 years old
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Female
75001 Paris, France
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“Do as I say, not as I do.”
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Salut! I enjoy crafting and have a love for fashion! I love to sketch my own designs and make them! I’m currently working on setting up my own online shop and hope that it takes off soon! If you’re interested in having a picnic in a park, hanging out on le Tour Eiffel, or watching movies, hit the like and DM me! <3
Status: Never Married
Height: 5’ 1” 155cm
Body Type: Athletic, Toned
Kids: No, but one day I’d like three named Emma, Hugo, and Louis.
Smoke: No
Drink: Social Drinker (Tea or Coffee)
Adrien stared at the “skip” and “like” buttons, trying to decide what to do. Did he want to pick her, or would she recognize him since she was into fashion? He had posted a photo of himself as Monsieur Banana and nothing more to hide the fact that he was the famous international model, Adrien Agreste. He didn’t want people who were looking for money and not for an actual friend.
“What the hell are you doing, Adrien?” Plagg flew from Adrien’s bed and floated beside his holder with a dirty sock on his head.
“Meeting new friends!” Adrien blushed and gestured to his screen. “Nino told me about this great app where you can meet other single friends and meetup!”
Plagg raised an eyebrow and stared at the Match.com website, realizing that Adrien was confused. “I’ll never understand you, kid.” He gave him an unamused expression and flew away.
Adrien was beyond confused with why Plagg would say such a thing to him. He hit the message button and sent her a DM.
[Bananoir]
Salut! How are you?
My name is Adrien, and you seem nice.
I grew up around fashion and would love to see what you make!
Just thought I’d drop in to say bonjour. 😊
Adrien stared at his center screen before peering over at the one on his right that was full of Ladrien fanfics. He clicked on his favorite one before turning to his left to scroll through his search of ‘How to make friends online’ when he had forgotten what Nino had told him the name of the site was.
Art by Chimpukampu
***
Marinette stared at her email, trying to figure out what the hell happened. She had a notification welcoming her to Match.com and she had never made a profile herself. What was worse, her name was Sarah.
WELCOME TO MATCH, SARAH! Let’s begin!
Please review your account information!
ZIP code: 75001
You are a: Woman
Seeking: Men
Email: [email protected]
Password: Retrieve it
Marinette blinked, staring blankly at her phone. Tikki floated beside her, staring at her holder with an unamused expression.
“Tikki, why do I have a dating account? And who the fuck is Sarah?” Marinette pointed to her screen with a horrified expression.
“Is that a question or an accusation?” Tikki stared at her, exhausted, with her hands dangling at her sides.
Art by Chimpukampu
She backed out and noticed another notification email that someone had messaged her on the site already. She took a deep breath and went back to the welcome email to push ‘retrieve it’ next to the word ‘password’.
After a few minutes, an email flew in to lead her through signing in. She clicked it and hit the inbox icon, falling into a slew of texts from someone named Bananoir.
“Oh, oh God. Is that- is that Monsieur Banana?” Marinette covered her mouth and stared at the profile picture beside the messages.
[Bananoir:]
Sorry if I said something wrong.
I’ve really never had friends. *rubs back of neck*
She clicked on his profile and read it over, freezing on the ‘kids’ icon. She furrowed her brow and looked around awkwardly, “Is- is he a possible daddy or a Daddy?”
Tikki stared at the screen confused, unsure of how to go about that one.
“I’m not a snack, I’m a whole meal! Does he- I- he has to be kidding.” Marinette burst out laughing and covered her eyes, falling back against her wall. “Wait- wait- does it get better?”
She continued to read, dying laughing at how he made a whole dating profile just to meet single friends. “Oh no… I need to message him. Such a dorkasaurus.”
Marinette clicked back to her inbox and responded to him, biting her thumbnail as she thought about what to say.
[Sarah:]
I’m sorry.
Truth be told I didn’t know I had a dating account.
Someone made this for me without my knowledge.
My name is Marinette, not Sarah.
Sorry to burst your bubble.
The rest of this info is correct about me which makes me wonder who made it. *taps bottom lip*
Are you Monsieur Banana?
[Bananoir:]
Dating app?
And no, no.
My name’s Adrien. I just don’t want people to know who I am, haha
[Sarah:]
A dorkasaurus and a mystery.
You might be more interesting than I thought.
[Bananoir:]
Being a banana is not mysterious enough?
[Sarah:]
No, it is.
Can’t say I’d expect a man to make his profile him in a banana suit.
Also, I see you’re a possible daddy and a whole meal.
Are you a daddy… or a Daddy? Haha
[Bananoir:]
What do you mean?
Marinette blinked at her screen, completely stunned by the fact that he had no idea about what he had done on his account. It took her a moment to compose herself enough to reply to him.
[Sarah:]
You really don’t know what you wrote.
[Bananoir:]
I mean one day I’d like to be a daddy.
You have that you want three kids and I’d be down with someone, but I honestly was just on here to make new friends. *sheepishly smiles*
[Sarah:]
Then you saw I also like watching movies
and you apparently enjoy eating ice cream and crying over sappy ones.
[Bananoir:]
A banana can get lonely. 😉
[Sarah:]
Alright, I’ll give you one date.
[Bananoir:]
*holds hands up* Doesn’t have to be a date.
We could just hang out and watch a movie.
I don’t mind.
Or not at all since you didn’t make this account.
I feel weird asking that of you when you weren’t even supposed to be on here.
[Sarah:]
It’s okay.
You seem interesting.
Plus, I’m interested to know how you grew up around fashion.
Do you know of Gabriel Agreste?
He was my favorite designer as a kid growing up.
Marinette stared at the three bouncing dots in the corner of the inbox. She swallowed hard and worried her thumbnail, wondering if she said something wrong. It took him a lot longer to answer her than she had thought it would have. Most people would answer that pretty quickly with a ‘cool’ or something uncreative.
[Bananoir:]
I, uh, I grew up with him.
The beating of her heart reached her ears, and her mouth ran dry. She suddenly put his first name with what he had said and her fingers stumbled on the keys.
[Sarah:]
Adkdsrien Agreskdjte?
I mean
Adrien AGreas*
Adrien AGreste*
Agreste*
Lord!
Hehe
She smacked her forehead for typoing his name so many damn times. A message flew in, and she flung her phone up to peer at it, causing her to throw her phone across the room.
“Damnit!” She walked over and rolled her eyes at herself, bending over to pick it up.
[Bananoir:]
Shh… don’t go saying that too loud.
I just wanted to make friends and my best friend told me about this site.
I wasn’t expecting to meet my father’s number one fan on here. *rubs back of neck and laughs*
A text came through, and Marinette stared at the message from Alya and rolled her eyes. She shook her head and opened the text to reply to her, laughing.
[Alya:]
Hope you don’t mind.
I went ahead and made you a profile on Match.
[Marinette:]
Could have asked me first before Gabriel Agreste’s international model son DMed me!
[Alya:]
What?!
[Marinette:]
Yep, exactly.
I was in shock too.
Also, he’s a banana.
[Alya:]
A… banana? *raises an eyebrow*
[Marinette:]
(Screenshot)
Banana.
[Alya:]
Bahahahhaha!
Girl, that must be why Nino has been so weird!
He was telling me he told Adrien about a damn meeting friends online website.
[Marinette:]
And he suggested MATCH?!
[Alya:]
No, no.
Meetup.
The baby chick got it wrong.
[Marinette:]
The “baby chick” is no longer a baby.
Seems he’s graduated to a Daddy.
[Alya:]
What do you mean?
He doesn’t have kids.
[Marinette:]
(screenshot)
Daddy, Alya.
[Alya:]
Oh, oh no!
Does he know?
Wait, is he?
Is he a Daddy?
[Marinette:]
No.
He didn’t know what it was.
It was meant to be innocent.
He’s also “Not a snack, but a whole meal.” XD
[Alya:]
That dork! lmao
Are you meeting up with him?
[Marinette:]
You really think I’ll say no to a thirty-year-old man in a Monsieur Banana suit? 😉
[Alya:]
Woman, I can’t! XD
Don’t break him!
He’s been through hell from what I’ve heard from Nino.
Marinette stared at the text a little longer than she thought she would. Something about it made her heart ache, and she suddenly realized everything he had said in the span of a few texts. She had to make this ‘date’ the best damn one he’d ever been on. They weren’t going to cry over sappy movies and eat ice cream; she was going to make sure he had a genuine smile on his face and that the room was filled with sobs of happiness. He needed it and if she was honest, so did she.
[Marinette:]
Got it, Als. <3
You can count on me!
I’m Ladybug, remember?
[Alya:]
I know, girl!
Go! <3