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Laundry Thief

Summary:

My contribution to @doodles_destiny's #FatNuggetsWeek on Twitter

It's Laundry day a the hotel and things have gone missing.

Is there a clothes-stealing ghost at the hotel?

Of course not, Angel doesn't have a clothes-stealing ghost, but he's got the next best thing...

Notes:

This as based on a conversation I had with fellow writer FurbyDisaster53 who wrote me a wonderful oneshot based on it and I loved the idea so much I decided to write my own :)

This is my contribution to @doodles_destiny's #FatNuggetsWeek for the Mischievous and Family/Love prompts

This was a lot of fun ^-^

Slight Trigger Warning: Alastor makes reference to cooking live animals, suicide of said animals and killing animals in a joking manor because its Alastor, so just pointing that out

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

“Niffty?” Charlie called coming down the hotel stairs, Vaggie not far behind her.

At her name, Niffty perked up. Said Cyclops was currently seated at the bar folding a basket of laundry that appeared to be Alastor's, judging from the abundance of blood red and chatting with Angel, who was apparently off work today. His usual attire  had been replaced with an oversized bright yellow tee-shirt over a hot pink tank top and matching pink shorts. Husk was busy cleaning shot glasses and downing booze.

“Have you seen my red sundress?” the princess asked, her bright smile replaced with a distressed frown. “The one with the bow in the back?”

The cyclops blinked her large eye. “I don’t think so. Was it in the laundry?” 

“I thought so, I know I put it in the laundry pile yesterday but now I can’t find it.”

“My stockings are missing, too,” Vaggie added, her voice sounding more tired than annoyed. “I know I put those in there.”

“Which ones?” Angel teased, feigning interests. “You have so many.”

Vaggie glared at him. “The solid gray ones with the lace trim."

Angel’s expression immediately turned sympathetic. “Okay, those are cute.”

“That’s odd,” Niffty’s little face scrunched up in ponderment. She always took great pride in her efficiency. “I know I did your laundry already, so it should be there. Are you sure they weren’t misplaced?”

“Positive,” Charlie’s face was completely sincere, she leaned down to whisper. “I need it for my and Vaggie’s date tonight.”

Niffty thought harder, but before she could fathom an answer the all too familiar screech of a transatlantic accent punctured the silent concentration with a lively, “Ah, Niffty, darling. Are those mine?”

Alastor swooped in, as if he’d conjured himself and commanded the room’s attention.

Niffty’s eyes lit up, immediately. “Almost!” Her chipper broke an octave, as she hopped down. “I just have to⎯” she froze. Her happiness dropped into pure disbelief. “Where is it?” she asked no one as she fished through the recently folded clothes, but finding nothing her worried fingers dug deeper, until she was tossing articles over her shoulder and undoing all of her hard work.

“Fuck, watch it!” Husk roared dodging the flying articles. Angel followed suit, nearly toppling off his stool when a pressed red chemise flew past him.

“Niffty!” Alastor shrieked as the tiny demon dove into the basket and disappeared under the mess.

“Nif?” Angel tentatively grabbed one of the jackets and all but fell out of his seat when Niffty shot up screaming “It’s gone!”

“What is?” Angel demanded all four arms grabbing purchase of either the bar or the stool to steady himself.

“What is it, darling?” Alastor asked, his frozen smile unmoving but his voice softened.

“The scarf you gave me! It’s gone!” She plopped in the ruined mess of laundry, looking dejected and defeated as a child who’d lost her favorite toy. “I put it in with your things to wash it and now I can’t find it.” Her voice became squeaky as if choking back a sob and her large eye became watery.

“Oh no,” Charlie sighed and placed a sympathetic hand on the small cyclop's shoulder. Angel followed suit. Something about seeing his normally tiny high-on-happiness girl-buddy looking so defeated felt wrong.

Vaggie glared, accusatory at the Radio Demon. “You wouldn’t know anything about this would you?”

Alastor’s smile did not twitch but his eyes narrowed, dangerously and there was a distinctive anger to his static. “I assure you, Vagatha, I have not the slightest inkling to what you are implying.”

Vaggie’s narrowed eyes hardened. “My lace stockings are missing. So is Charlie’s sundress and now Niffty’s scarf.”

Alastor’s smile tightened and the angry static grew louder. “Are you accusing me of something?”

Vaggie didn’t answer. Her narrowed eyes spoke for her.

Alastor snorted. “I assure you, madame, I may enjoy the occasional prank but I am not a blaggard. I would never steal a lady’s garments.” He turned to glare at the pink spider, patting Niffty’s head. “Did you ask, Angel.”

“Fuck you, Smiles!” Angel snapped, indignantly.

“Oh for Fuck’s sake,” Husk smacked his forehead and pressed it to bar. 

“Are you sure you didn’t misplace it, Niffty?” Charlie asked, either ignoring the argument or oblivious. “Maybe it fell out in the laundry room. We can help you look.”

“No.” Niffty sniffed. “I put it in there this morning. It should be there!”

“This morning?” Angel asked. “I thought you did laundry yesterday?”

“I usually do, but Alastor needed me to go shopping so I didn’t have time.”

“Well, that fucking figures,” Husk snapped, glaring at his boss. 

Alastor didn’t look the least bit remorseful. “I needed ingredients for last night’s shrimp gumbo. I certainly did not hear any of you complaining.” He brushed some imaginary dirt from his jacket. “Now I’m certain everything was merely misplaced. It isn’t like the hotel has a garment-stealing ghost, unless, of course, one of Angel’s degenerate fans snuck in and got confused.”

“You know, Al, you’re a real ass-” Angel froze in the middle of the insult, the wheels in his head turning, clicking into place. “Oh fuck,” his lower hands covered his face the top two rubbing his temples as realization transformed into guilt. “I know what happened.”

It wasn’t a garment stealing ghost but it was the next best thing.

The girls looked up just as Angel pushed himself to his feet, but instead of his usual swagger, he slouched as he led them upstairs and towards his suit. Husk followed and Alastor brought up the rear, ever curious.

Angel unlocked his room and everyone stepped around the organized chaos that was his bedroom. Angel dropped to his knees and his top half disappeared under the bed, but his height got in the way and he had to scrunch his knees and arch his back, his two lower arms used for balance.

“Are you confessing?” Alastor asked, looking away from what he considered a raunchy display.

“Fuck off , Al,” Angel’s humorless voice echoed, his lower hands flashing two naughty bird’s.

Charlie was about to question his actions when an angry screech of absolute indignance squealed and cut off any questions. Angel emerged a second later, his upper arms full of squirming, protesting piglet.

“Hold him, please.” Angel ordered Husk without missing a beat.

 At the sight of his favorite babysitter, Fat Nugget’s little black eyes beamed. With a delighted squeal he all but leaped out of Angel’s arms little trotters kicking in a demand to be held. 

“Fuck! Why me?” The startled bar cat protested, his huge paws suddenly full of playful piglet, Fat Nuggets already nuzzling the fluff of his chest and circling about to get comfortable. He managed to maneuver the squirming thing into one arm just as the pig plopped apparently content to sleep there.

Charlie and Niffty cooed at the cute sight and even Vagatha smiled.

Angel shrugged his shoulders with a glittering grin, a wink and a cute cock of his head. “”Cause he likes you.”

With a groan of defeat Husk, smacked his forehead and dragged his claws down his face. “Fuck.”

Satisfied, Angel dove back under the bed and returned a few minutes later with an armful of clothes and set to work laying them out on the bed.

“My dress!” Charlie jumped with relief.

“My scarf!” Niffty dove like it was a dust bunny who’d escaped her gusto and held it to her cheek.

Both were covered in little hoof prints.

“Oh, Nuggs!” Angel whined as he recognized the third outfit. He spun to his baby, holding up a white and red polka dot dress for inspection. “Cherri’s been looking for this?” 

Fat Nugget’s face was the picture of infant innocence. Angel smacked his face with his uppermost arm, the other running through his hair and the lower two setting the dress down. “Ugh, I swore left and right it wasn’t here. She’s never gonna let me live this down.”

With a groan towards heaven, he signed. “And…”He dove under the bed a third time, this time producing Vaggie’s missing stockings. “One...and two.”

The moth girl stared, astonished. “So...Fat Nuggets took them?”

“Don’t be mad,” Angel threw all four hands up in defense, a guilty smile splitting his face. “Be flattered. He only takes stuff from people he really really likes. Something about the smell. Reminds him of ya even when ya not here. He used to do it all the time with my stuff, before we moved here and I always had to work late.”

“Awe!” Charlie’s impossible happiness returned all bright, loving eyes and wide, cooing smiles as she squished Nugg’s cheeks. “That’s so sweet!” The piglet preened under the praise.

Even Vaggie could only smile. “I guess that’s kind of cute.”

“Sorry, Niff, I usually keep him in my room on laundry day,” Angel apologized running a hand through his hair,

“Oh, that’s okay,” Niffty beamed, ecstatic to have her scarf back and grabbed Charlie’s dress and Vaggie’s stockings. She turned to Fat Nuggets and tapped his nose with her finger and was rewarded with an excited squeal. “I can never stay mad at that face!”

“Does he steal your clothes that often?” Alastor asked, cocking his head slightly.

“He sleeps in his closet,” Husk answered with a snort, Fat Nuggets still snuggled in his arm.

“Hmmm,” Alastor studied the little porkchop who just now seemed to notice his presence and snorted at him. “He hasn’t stolen any of my things, has he?”

“Nope.” Husk and Angel said together.

“Probably ‘cause he hates ya.” Angel retorted with a grin and stood up. 

Alastor laughed. “Now why would he dislike me?” Alastor asked, engaging in a staring contest with Angel’s porcine pet who glared back with beady black eyes that refused to surrender.

Husk rolled his eyes. “Gee, maybe it’s ‘cause you fucking tried to eat him, twice?”

“What!” Angel shrieked, whirling on the Radio Demon with murderous eyes.

“Oh, I only did that once.” Alastor waved off the raging spider’s anger with a dramatic swish of his hand. “Hardly cause for alarm.”

Angel’s fists clenched, his glare looked ready to set Alastor on fire.

“Didn’t you try to cook him yesterday?” Niffty quirked up. 

Husk whirled and caught Angel round the waist just as the spider made a mad dive with his long manicured nails outstretched and ready to tear apart the perfectly composed deer, who seemed all too amused by the tantrum. Husk growled at him with burning demonic red eyes.

Charlie shook her head in disappointment at Alastor, while Vaggie flashed him a furious snarl, angry on Angel’s behalf.

“Oh Niffty, that was a misunderstanding,” Alastor waved them off with an amused chuckle. “I was cooking bacon and he wandered into the kitchen. I thought it was a suicide attempt.” Alastor moved to scratch the piglet under his chin, ignoring Angel’s many clawing hands, easily. Fat Nuggets gave an angry squeak and shook his head. “Turns out the bacon bit’s just a little cannibal, aren’t you.”

When Alastor refused to remove his fingers, Fat Nuggets bit down hard on the man’s hand, sharp teeth sinking into his fingers.

Alastor’s smile twitched.

Husk snorted and swallowed a laugh. 

Angel’s anger vanished and he covered his mouth with all four of his hands to keep from laughing. 

Even the girls couldn’t help but smile as Alastor lifted Fat Nuggets from Husk’s hold, the grip still strong and deposited him in Angel’s awaiting arms. Only then did the pig let go.

“Touché, swine,” Alastor shook his hand and pulled out a handkerchief to clean the wound. “ Touché .” He stomped toward the door, no longer amused by the situation.

“Stay away from my baby, Smiles,” Angel warned the deer demon’s retreating back. “And you,” he lifted the piglet to eye level with his upper arms, one of his second ones on his hip, the other taping Nugg’s nose. “Stop stealing shit.”

Fat Nuggets licked his finger. Angel melted with a squiggly smile and hugged his baby tight, already forgiven.

Husk rolled his eyes and groaned. “You spoil that brat.”

“Pft, and you don’t?” Angel teased back, maneuvering Nuggs to his middle arms. “I see all the cherries ya secretly stash for him when ya think I‘m not looking.”

Husk growled but didn’t say anything.

“We’ll just have to be careful on laundry day from now on.” Vaggie compromised as everyone left Angel’s room and started back for the lobby.

“Not to worry,” Nifty boasted, proudly. “I’ll have these cleaned and ready for you in one hour!”

“Oh, thank you, Niffty!” Charlie hugged her tight then grabbed Vaggie’s hand and led her back towards their own suit.

“Ugh, I need another drink,” Husk growled and walked ahead, Angel watched him go, lips curling into a smile that did not go unnoticed.

Only when the cat was far enough away but still within earshot did Niffty turn to her spider friend. “Say, Angel, you said Fat Nuggets like to collect clothes from people he likes because he misses their smell, right?” she asked, noticing a particular demon’s articles of clothing were missing from the piglet’s nest. A certain someone who Fat Nuggets seemed to like best and was around the most.

“Yeah, why?” Angel blinked, Nuggs still cuddled in his lower arms.

Niffty's grinned curled at the corners. “Is that why I keep finding Mr. Husk’s bowties mixed in with your laundry.”

There was a distinctive sound of a certain bar cat crashing into the banisher followed by a colorful collection of curses and f-bombs just as the notoriously narcissistic Angel Dust froze and stuttered, Nuggets giving a distinctive squeak as Angel’s grip on his faltered.

“Uh...yeah, that... must...be...it. Anyway,” the spider cleared his throat, something like a blush on his face. “Coming, Husky.” He quickened his steps, leaving the still grinning cyclops to her not-so-innocent musings.

Only once the spider was out of sight, did Alastor appear around the corner, his smile no longer showing teeth and his shadow was silently doubled over laughing. 

Niffty beamed, victoriously. 

Alastor exhaled through his nose.. “Well done ma cheré , well done.” He reached within his jacket pocket and fished out his wallet. “I believe one shopping trip was our agreement.”

He handed her his credit card. Niffty took it and flashed him a smile of absolute triumph. “Told you my crush radar is never wrong.”

Notes:

Sure FAT NUGGETS is the reason why Husk's clothes end up mixed with Angel's ;) heehee...

I headcanon Niffty and Alastor making lots of fun and ridiculous bets related to Husk and Angel's relationship and whether or not they get together purely for entertainment and the prizes are often stupid things like shopping trips or special treats.

I also ship Alastor and Niffty (think about it;)